


but the wolf survives

by ClaraforthewinOswald



Series: break it and fix it [1]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Biracial Character, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Family, Fluff, Foreign Language, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character of Color, Magical Artifacts, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Mythology - Freeform, Original Character-centric, Other, Pining, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Supernatural Elements, Touch-Starved, daryl is touch starved dont try to tell me otherwise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2018-05-31 00:58:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 38
Words: 173,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6449101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaraforthewinOswald/pseuds/ClaraforthewinOswald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl thinks it's foolish of Diana to be so trusting. He knows he's right, so why does he want to deserve that trust?<br/>When Merle's plan to rob her family goes down the drain, they band together.<br/>He sees her disadvantageous worldly innocence, but there's a defiance in her that reminds him of his young self. Her easy smiles and naïve charm get to him more than he cares to admit, and he can't help but to bask in the foreignness of the attention and friendship that she offers willingly. With time he can't shake off the feeling that, come Hell or high water, his place is at her side.</p><div class="center">
  <p>    <b>this story contains:</b></p>
  <p>multicultural POC<br/>lgbt+ characters<br/>characters with mental illness<br/>realistic family dynamics<br/>slow build romance<br/>mutual pining<br/>valid platonic relationships<br/>mythology themes</p>
  <p>    <b>the cast consists of:</b></p>
  <p>Kat Graham<br/>Amandla Stenberg<br/>Jaden Smith<br/>Lana Parrilla<br/>Idris Elba</p>
</div>http://but-the-wolf-survives.tumblr.com/
            </blockquote>





	1. it's the 4th of july!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not good at introductions. I'm Claudia and I write stuff. Please read that stuff. Thanks.

oOo

Everything inside Diana screamed at her to _run_. They had to, there was no other way they would survive. The _others_ were behind them, relentless and fueled by the endless hunger that characterized them. She could hear them. Their throaty screeches and feet thumping the ground like war drums.

They were slow, whereas she and her family were not. But they also never tired or ran out of breath, and that gave them the advantage.

Diana was falling behind. Her parents, brother, and sister were only backs in the distance, disappearing behind thick trees with every stride.

No matter how fast she ran or how much her legs pumped to propel her forward, the distance wouldn't diminish. She was running in place as if waist deep in quicksand.

She opened her mouth to call out to them and water poured in, origin unknown. Torrents rushed into her mouth and nose, down her throat, and sloshing heavily in her lungs.

She was drowning.

The pressure in her chest became unbearable like she was about to burst open like an overripe fruit. Panic held her heart in a beastly grip and she felt like death. Surely death had to feel like that.

Her eyes rolled back as tears of dread welled in them. Then the tears became indistinguishable from the what was drowning her. Oxygen deprived, Diana clawed weakly at her throat, desperate for relief. She felt her short fingernails tear through skin and flesh, reaching the rings of her trachea.

She should be feeling pain.

Nothing made sense.

How was this happening? Why was she running? Who was chasing them?

Before she could form another thought, she was tackled from behind. Her legs finally gave under her and she slipped into the bliss of oblivion.

oOo

Diana woke up with a gasp and took hungry gulps of air. Her hands shot to her throat, yanking wildly at the collar of her shirt to loosen it. It felt more restraining than it ever should have.

Once she regained her breath and reassured herself of her surroundings and safety, she stared at the top of the tent with brown eyes wide open. _She was safe, she was safe_.

" _Merda_ , that was… fucking weird,” she whispered, trembling and feeling weightless as she rode down the adrenaline high. It wasn’t uncommon for one to dream of their worst fears. Drowning was one of Diana’s. Another one was being whipped, _Prince of Egypt_ can scar a kid, man.

She wiped at her sweaty forehead with the back of her hand and kicked herself out of her sleeping bag. The rush of air felt great on her flushed skin.

Sleepy, vaguely angry, mumblings to her right had her turning to Alice, her younger sister. She found her glaring at her. The early morning sunlight filtering through the cloth walls of the tent made the teen's half-closed hazel-green eyes shine like gems. Diana had always envied her those eyes until she learned to love her own cinnamon brown.

"Da fuck you on ‘bout s’early in d’mornin’?" she asked in a nearly unintelligible mumble. Her thick eyebrows furrowed profusely, an expression familiar to her face. "Imma fight your mom."

"My mom’s your mom, smart-ass." Diana grinned but her smile turned grim. "I- uh, had a weird-ass dream, wanna hear?"

Maybe talking about it would make it better. Alice would laugh about it and call her a ‘fucking idiot’ like she usually did and leave her feeling silly for being scared about something so stupid. Diana rubbed over her throat, feeling the skin intact, but the pulse still unsettled.  It would be preferable to the lingering physical and mental discomfort the dream had left in her.

To her disappointment, Alice groaned and aggressively turned herself around and away from Diana. The shirt wrapped around her coiled curls shifting with the moves. She’d lost her silk scarves like the responsible teen she was and had to improvise.

"I always listen when you tell me about yours. _Komm jetzt_ ," Diana whined, hoping it didn't sound desperate. She shook her sister's shoulder. In response, she got a kick to the shin, softened to a thump by the sleeping bag, and the familiar flip of Alice's middle finger peeking from over her shoulder.

“ _Deixa-me dormir_! I was dreamin’ ‘bout Lance and you ruin’d it!”

Fine, whatever. Nightmares were just dreams and dreams weren’t real, no matter how realistic they felt. She was sure she’d forget about it soon, as it was with dreams. By the end of the day, she’d know no more of water-filled lungs nor blood-slickened hands. Fuck nightmares! And fuck horror movies… okay no, those were cool.

Diana swatted Alice's finger away and turned to her other side, to their little brother. The youngest of the three but also the tallest. An astounding 6ft of lean and sinewy teenage pretty boy. Felix’s thin locs were loose, spilling around his head like a spiky halo.

He was curled into a tight ball inside his bag. The movement behind his eyelids told her he was already awake so she teasingly pulled on one of his locs to bring his attention to her. In retribution, she received a nondescript punch to the stomach, which she scoffed and smirked at.

"Ay, d’you wake up with your feet outside? I’m like a punching bag over here."

"So annoying. Don't fucking touch the hair," Felix mumbled before curling up tighter into himself and continuing to pretend to sleep. "And shut your _Fresse_ ," he added and covered his head until only his round nose was visible.

Diana shook her head at his antics, far too used to it to feel insulted. That was just her brother Felix or as she liked to call him: the local asshole with a heart of gold.

She leaned over him on her elbow and whispered to where his covered ear would be, "Happy birthday, big grumpy baby."

He shuffled inside his sleeping bag in response, shoving her away. A muffled reply of ‘fuck off’ soon followed.

oOo

Diana was disappointed. Correction, _beyond_ disappointed. And sleepy. Which made her cranky.

She rummaged around in her messenger bag above her head, trying to find a device that showed the time. Her smartphone had sadly run out of juice two weeks ago. Why hadn’t she thought to invest in a solar charger? She hadn’t known to think ahead, convincing herself she’d be fine without it. Stupid move. Eventually, she found the wrist watch she had found in a bathroom stall in school. Her eyes widened at the pointers showing 5:30-ish.

Okay, she’d been used to waking up around this time for school, but she was on vacation now. She’d missed out on perfectly good sleeping time because of a pointless nightmare that was nothing more than vague recollections. She called bullshit.

She tried going back to sleep, she did... But the damned sunlight always painted her eyelids red, no matter where she turned and how she positioned herself. And then there were the birds singing their chipper morning songs, waking up the entire freaking forest.

She needed perfect darkness and silence to fall asleep. It just wasn’t happening.

When she completely gave up, the wrist watch showed 6:55. She thought that was a good time as any to finally get up.

Quietly, as to not bother Alice and Felix again, Diana traded her sleeping shirt and shorts for the clothes from the day before since they were running out of fresh laundry. A tank top under a red plaid shirt and knee-length jean shorts.

The shorts showcased the stubs of her leg hair slowly growing back, luckily almost unnoticed against her brown skin. She tamed the waves of her dark hair into a permanently messy ponytail and grimaced at the wet baby hairs at the back of her neck. The aftermath of humid summer weather and an agitated night in a closed tent with two other people in it.

She stepped into her running shoes and zipped open the tent-flap. The air that rushed in was less stale in comparison. Diana inhaled deeply and sighed, loving the dry earthy scent. She felt her lungs thank her for the last two weeks.

She let the flap open so her siblings could also profit from it. Then put her hands on her hips and turned her face up to the tree canopy with closed eyes.

A refreshing breeze rustled the foliage above, birds and summer insects started their daily buzz from all directions. That reminded her to douse herself in anti-repellant before she did anything else. The air smelled of dirt and greenery and yesterday’s fire, the embers of which had glowed deep into the night.

She might miss having Wi-Fi and general modern commodities like a toilet and hot showers and food that didn’t suck. But this closeness to nature was something she'd never experienced before and it was... new, and good, very good. If not a little tiring when you've been at it for so long.

It astounded her that they hadn’t seen another human being during that time. They were staying at an official camping site, after all. Was camping something people just didn’t do any more or what? I mean, it was summer vacation, so it could go either way. Eh. She couldn’t complain, she preferred it that way.

She took another deep breath and got to her morning routine. They had a little plastic bag with leaves as a substitute for toilet paper pinned down with a rock next to their ‘toilet hole’. Her dad had to teach them the difference between which greens were good to go and which would cause them to wiggle in their seat for days. He’d learned that the hard way as a kid, he’d told them.

Their water was strictly for drinking and cooking, so she cleaned her hands, face and arm pits with her secret reserve of wet wipes she kept in her messenger bag. She was a bit selfish, fight her.

Finished up, Diana sat down at the fire pit. For lack of better entertainment, she brought "The Passage" out of her bag, the book that she’d bought at the airport on the day they’d arrived. Her first purchase on American soil.

She’d initially been attracted to the iridescent beauty of the cover. But now, sitting on the carved sitting log and rapturously reading her way through the final hundred pages, she found it was actually quite good. She didn’t have very high standards regarding books, to begin with, but it was the only book about vampires that she didn’t regret reading until now.

The whole purpose of the trip had been to come visit aunt Cátia and her family, who lived in Atlanta, Georgia. She was her mom's little sister and Diana’s Godmother. She’d immigrated to the States five years prior, about the same time Diana and her siblings had joined their parents in Switzerland. And to tell the truth, Diana didn’t know what had possessed her to move to the _southern_ USA, of all places.

They would Skype at least once every month, when at all. Until Cátia had finally had enough of it and used her hard-earned money to buy plane tickets for her favorite sister and her family to come see her. It had almost cost her the eyes off her face. But working at a travel agency had its perks, as did marrying rich.

The only problem had been with the other person that was also staying over.

Diana was startled out of her thoughts and her reading when she heard loud, _very_ loud yawning. She turned in her seat to see her dad stepping out of his and mom's tent. The golden morning light reflected on his dark skin, giving him a glowing sheen.

Samuel walked to her wordlessly and offered her a nod, which she returned. Then he feinted a punch at her side with a forced grunt.

Diana pretended to take the punch in slow motion and lifted her own fists. Then she grinned up at him as he absentmindedly hugged her to his side and scratched her under the chin like a dog, calling her a ‘good girl’.

She pushed him away with a laugh. “Morning,” she added, putting away her book. She felt a tiny bit victorious that she'd been up sooner than her early bird of a father, even if it had been unwanted.

"‘Good mornings’ are for the morning," Samuel responded in his northern accented Portuguese. That was his usual response, every morning without fail, no matter how early it was. He squeezed her shoulder to tone down on her smugness.

She chuckled and wiggled away and patted the space next to her on the sitting log.

"Wanna wait for breakfast with me?" she joked and did nothing to hide her grin.

Samuel crossed his arms and raised an amused eyebrow. The contrast of his hazel-green eyes against his dark skin made him all the more intimidating. “Breakfast? You better take your pony out of the fucking rain. You wanna eat you gonna get off your damn ass and help. I’m always doing everything in this motherfucking household. None of you can lift a single finger to do a goddamn thing." The cussing was so familiar to his way of speech that it went unnoticed. He was from the North; it’d be weird if he _didn’t_ swear.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, _Pai_. You the best and we’re the worst children in the whole world.”

A warning look from him had her up on her feet with a mock salute and doing as instructed. She knew she could play around with her dad, he was like a child sometimes. But she didn't want to accidentally trigger one of his notorious bad moods. Whenever that happened, the most ridiculous of arguments would break out and it always ended with one or both parties’ day ruined.

So, bantering back and forth, he guided her as she lit the fire in the fire pit and he prepared scrambled eggs with chopped up sausages for breakfast. How they had managed to have eggs this long was a mystery to her. One she didn’t dare question and just hoped she didn’t die of food poisoning.

Diana was walking back from their rented jeep with refreshments when Irene stepped out of her tent. Still bleary eyed and yawning behind her hand, but already dressed for the day in a get-up similar to Diana's. Actually, Diana was sure those clothes belonged to her.

This camping thing had changed her mom’s sleeping habits for the better. The woman usually slept in underpants and nothing else, as she didn’t like the restricting feeling of pajamas. It often made for uncomfortable sightings back home since Sam shared those same habits and they had trouble keeping their hands to themselves (okay, more her dad).

Shudder.

Diana approached the shorter woman from behind and hugged her. She planted a sloppy kiss on her freckled cheek.

Irene laughed and wiped her cheek, then turned in her daughter's arms to return the affection. She took the half-full bottle of orange juice Diana had gotten from the cooler and they both went to sit at the fire pit.

Irene took her designated spot next to Sam and proceeded to smack a loud kiss on her husband’s lips. Sam pulled her in for more and Diana averted her eyes.

She cleared her throat from behind her wall of hands. "For real, at the breakfast table?" She was glad her parents got along so well. But sometimes they had to put up with some indecencies no child should ever witness from their parents.

Irene swatted her hand in dismissal. "Yeah, you'll see if you won't do the same when you find _o amor da tua vida._ ”

"Ugh, but I’ll never be like you two, and not at the table," Diana mumbled and scratched at a mosquito bite on her calf. She couldn’t imagine herself being gooey heart-eyes over someone like her parents were. It didn’t fit her; it was too awkward.

"Just eat your damn food," Samuel said and thrust a plastic plate and fork at her. The smell made her salivate. She took the plate gladly and scooped a forkful of eggs into her awaiting mouth.

She missed breakfast cereal. Mmm, Cini Minis and Golden Grahams. She hasn’t eaten those in ages… Fuck, she was tired of the same old canned goods and stale food. She couldn’t wait to return to society.

Irene chatted about old gossip from her workplace Diana didn't care to listen to. She’d already heard it all the day before since her mom had a tendency to repeat herself. Sam listened silently along while eating.

Diana took a swig of juice straight from the bottle and just observed them. She always thought of her mom and dad as a perfect balance of each other, not only their hot-cool personality but their appearance as well.

Irene was short and petite, of Colombian and Brazilian descent, with dark brown eyes and a dark wavy bob. A woman her age, well into her forties, would be expected to have some wrinkles. But by the miracles of her Latina genetics, Irene's wrinkles only manifested around her eyes when she smiled, a fact she was well proud of.

Samuel was of Cape Verdean descent. He was admittedly not very tall, scraping 5’8”, only slightly shorter than Diana, but he made up for it with his wide shoulders and beefy arms. His black and gray coiled curls were always cropped close to the scalp. His hazel-green eyes that Alice had inherited were constantly stuck in an intimidating glare that was basically his trademark. It only accentuated the crease between his brows and the crow’s feet around his eyes.

Diana shoved the last bite into her mouth just as her mother asked her if the kids were still asleep.

"For Christ's sake, _mija_ , swallow your food and then talk. I swear to God, you only have the body of a twenty-one-year-old, your brain’s still five." Irene shook her head and rolled her eyes when Diana smiled. She’d always been childish, there would be no changing that. She took after her dad in that sense.

She nodded, made a show of thoroughly chewing her food, swallowed it and dramatically took a swig of juice. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and addressed her parents again, "You got something for Felix?”

"No, you know, your mother and I jumped from motherfucking store to motherfucking store for _hours_ ‘til my damn back almost broke for fucking nothing," Samuel remarked sarcastically.

“Shouldn’t’ve jumped,” Diana cracked. Samuel began to reply with an amused half-smile growing on his lips but just huffed and shook his head in defeat.

Diana had been there when they’d gone shopping the day they left her Godmother’s, to stock up on food and other necessities for their camping trip. But she’d been busy with other things, such as not buying a fucking solar charger.

Sam returned from the jeep after a couple of minutes, carrying baseball gear that Diana knew for sure would be a success with her brother. He handed the items to her for a closer look. There was a set of three baseballs, a leather glove, and a dull metallic bat with a purple birthday bow wrapped around the handle.

“Oh yeah, baby.” Diana nodded in approval. Yeah, Felix would go crazy over it. It wasn’t Pokémon related - the boy’s eternal passion - but it’d do very well. Baseball wasn't very popular in Switzerland, so you could rarely find any gear and he’d been wanting to try it out for ages. He always bragged about how he knew he’d be good at it.

Bickering and rustling from her and the kids’ tent caught her attention and in a feat of rushed panic, Diana threw the objects at her dad. She was relieved when he caught them before something fell into the grill and pan over the fire.

Alice stepped out of the tent and greeted them with the mockery of a curtsy. Her free hair bounced forward with the movement. "Greetings and salutations mother, father, and less importantly, sister. I present to you, the birthday boy."

For some reason, she began singing ‘We Are the Champions’ in her angelic voice and made dramatic motions with her arms towards the tent.

Felix jumped out with a big flourish and waved and blew kisses at his surroundings as if there were a huge crowd awaiting him. Then he dropped to his knees while victoriously pumping his fists in the air in exaggerated slow motion.

Alice sang a few more lines and stopped. Felix continued celebrating, clearly enjoying his moment, his early morning grumpiness forgotten. The older girl walked up behind him, slapped him upside the head and called him a _bobo_. Same old same old with those two, really.

Felix, in high spirits, ignored her and started doing his _Estrondo_ moves. It was a ridiculous ‘dance’ invented and performed by the main characters of a Portuguese amateur short film by the same name. Felix thought it was the peak of their country’s comedy.

His knees were bent in a half crouch, arms as if he was hugging the air under him and he moved them to and from his body while dancing around in semi-circles. All in all, it was the goofiest thing ever and Irene and Sam hated it because ‘it made him look half-witted’.

That never stopped him.

When he straightened himself up, Irene and Sam skipped the reprimand and enveloped him in a tight hug. He was almost tall enough that his chin hit Sam's forehead. It was a comical sight, to be honest.

Seeing her sister to the side, Diana opened her arms in invitation. Alice sneered at her and shoved her arms aside while sitting on the same log but as far away from her sister as she physically could.

Diana beamed at her and patted her cheek, which almost got her hand gnawed off. Alice despised being touched, and affection – verbal or physical – unless she initiated it, made her very uncomfortable.

“Still hate you for interrupting my Lance dream. He was introducing me to his family. His _family_!”

“You’ll have others.” Diana shrugged.

Alice looked away dramatically. “It won’t be the same thing.”

Diana shoved her playfully. “Shut up.”

After being released, Felix sat down on the free space between his two elder sisters. Both teens accepted breakfast from their dad.

"Didja geh’ me preshens?" Felix asked around a mouthful of meat and egg.

“Chew your fucking food!” “What makes you think that?”

He chewed quickly and gulped everything down with difficulty. “‘Cause you’re not terrible parents and you love your son very much and want him to be happy?”

“Niiice.” Alice offered her fist for Felix to bump.

“Keep playing that card and I’ll start using it against you,” retorted Irene, “Won’t you vacuum your room and do the dishes ‘cause you’re not a terrible son and love your mom very much and wanna see her happy? Huh, like that?”

“Ho-ho, nice.” Alice bumped her fist against Irene’s already outstretched one.

“Pick up your jaw and finish eating, _papito,_ then we’ll talk presents.”

When the birthday boy had all but inhaled the last remnant of food on his plate they started singing _Parabéns a você_ and Sam gave him the things he’d hidden behind his seat.

The fifteen-year-old boy went bananas over it if his excited swearing was any indication. And just because it was his birthday, the only punishment he got for his foul mouth was a smack upside the head, administered by yours truly on behalf of Sam, a true hypocrite.

While Felix was showing off his present to a jealous-but-trying-not-to-show-it Alice, a blast sounded in the distance. They froze and looked around. It echoed throughout the forest, making nearby resting birds take immediate flight and screech hellishly.

More loud bursts followed. They started to crank up on the worry until Alice shook her head and reminded, “Americans. Relax, _brudi_ , it's the 4th of July. Today, the whole country parties with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **please leave a comment. tell me what you think, i'd greatly appreciate it! ******
> 
> the dream at the beginning ain’t prophetic or any such shit, it’s literally just Diana’s anxious mind reacting to the environment and all the bad zombie movies she’s ever seen.  
>  like mentioned, Sam is Cape Verdean, born in Portugal from immigrant parents. Irene's mom's Columbian and dad's Brazilian, they met in Brazil and immigrated to Portugal searching for a better life. Like fate or some shit, their parents both immigrated to the same village in northern PT in the mountains, so they were childhood friends.  
> 
> 
> When Diana was 14 and Alice and Felix 9 and 8 respectively, Sam and Irene immigrated to Switzerland to start a life for all of them and left them with their maternal grandparents. Two years later they joined them. 
> 
> *inhale* in conclusion, the kids speak mostly Portuguese and some Spanish at home, but with each other, they mix both native languages with their second and third ones, English and Swiss German respectively (sadly there’s no online translator for Swiss German, so I have to write normal German)  
> 
> 
> for the moment I’m gonna leave the dialogue as it is cuz I only add a little foreign word here and there to show the multilingualism, but the foreign languages are gonna get italicized to show the difference later on when they meet other people.


	2. the gold rush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **no ~chosen one~ trope up in here, keep that in mind.**

oOo

After that, they ignored whatever fireworks sounded from the city. Diana mentally noted that the helicopters that had been buzzing around now and then for the last couple of days had also probably to do with the national holiday and were not worth losing sleep over.

Soon enough Felix and Alice got into an argument over who would pitch first and who would bat first in their first game. Felix won on the batting, since he was, after all, the birthday boy. He pranced around tall and proud, silver bat swung over his shoulder. They improvised a small diamond shaped field with rocks marking the bases and got to it.

Alice constantly referenced Steven Universe, saying how much she connected to ‘Bob’ on a spiritual level in that episode with the Rubies and the baseball game. She managed to always mention her favorite shows all the freaking time. Not that Diana was any better. That was the glue that bonded them.

Diana returned from the tent, brushing her teeth while they started the first round.

Since neither had ever had any practice and their knowledge was internet-and-TV-based, their below-average skills made for a boring game of blind swings and chasing the ball.

Diana finished her business and shouted at her parents that she was going for a walk. She shed her plaid shirt and considered taking her book with her, but decided against it. She’d have time to read on the plane.

The walk was part of her routine by now. Wake up, breakfast, hang out by the stream where they got their water to boil or down by the small lake where they washed up, read, get ridiculously slain multiple times at UNO by Alice and/or Felix, chat with her family, lunch, stroll around with her siblings – Alice liked picking flowers to make crowns and chains, try and fail to lure in forest critters with makeshift crappy traps, identify plants with dad, read again, watching the fireflies in the evening as they ate dinner, stargaze and have existential talks about the enormity of the Universe and the existence of aliens before sleep, rinse and repeat with only small changes. And that for the last _two weeks_.

That was their last day, _aleluia_. Tomorrow they’d go back to Godmother's to sort out everything for their departure and the day after that they’d hop on a flight back to Switzerland and bye-bye USA.

They had actually planned to stay longer at her Godmother's, but the other person invited brought up some not-so-forgotten family issues and caused some friction. So they had decided to start their camping trip sooner, to give everyone some breathing space and a chance to clear their minds before more hurtful things were said and more damage was inflicted on the family's dynamic.

There was enough drama in the Lobo family to keep telenovelas on the air for years. One of the cons of a big-ass Afro-Latino family, unless you like the gossip.

Diana had always loved the gossip.

Among the trees, tickling ferns and the breeze caressing her skin, Diana felt very strangely motivated to run. She liked running. She was no fitness freak, but running was the one thing that she enjoyed, always had, since she was a kid. But she had developed light asthma during her teen years, which made her wheeze like a seventy-year-old smoker with emphysema if she went above moderate jogging pace, so she tended to stick to something below that level.

Birdsong echoed all around, different calls from many different birds of which Diana didn’t know the name. The sunlight filtering through the tree canopy tattooed dancing patterns on her brown skin.

She felt absolutely at peace. The past was forgotten and the future was light years away. There was only her in the forest; fresh air in her lungs, and the solid earth beneath her feet.

...And a weird humming in the air.

Diana slowed to a stop, breathing heavily. She cocked her head and listened.

Okay, maybe not. It was probably her ears ringing.

She knelt by the stream, pebbles digging into her knees. Beads of sweat ran down the length of her neck and into her shirt. She scooped some water with both hands and splashed her flushed face. It felt so refreshing and...

… there it was again. It didn’t sound like a natural forest sound.

She cleaned her ears and tried to pinpoint the source.

It seemed to be coming from the water…? Or it was tinnitus and she was just rapidly losing her hearing like it was no big deal.

She brought her ear close to the rushing stream. Okay yeah no, it was definitely coming from the water. And so, doing that thing where she acts before she thinks, Diana inhaled deeply and dunked her face inside, up to her ears.

She could hear the constant gurgle of the water as it rushed by, her heart beating in her ears, the dampened sounds from the surface. And yeah, the strange humming was stronger now, fluctuating in a sort of siren song.

It was very inviting, drawing her in. Closer and longer until she remembered she couldn't breathe underwater. Flashes from her dream caused her to resurface, sputtering and blinking through liquid beads rolling down her eyelashes.

She rubbed her face dry on her shirt and readjusted her position while clearing the pebbles from her knees. Curiosity nagged her to keep searching, because just what in the hell could be doing that? She hadn’t heard it the other times she’d been there.

Her eyes combed the surface of the water. She couldn’t see much, so she used her hands. She was up to her elbows in cool water, scouring between fine dirt and smooth stones and gross slippery moss. Her fingertips finally touched something that felt out of place. It vibrated in a way that by no means should have been audible above the water's surface.

She had to see it, she had to know what it was.

She felt along its length to dig it out from under the deeply wedged mossy stones. With a final hard tug, she dislodged it. The force caused her to fall back on her butt and splash water all over the front of her shirt. But there it was. The object was free, fallen on her lap.

What the hell? It was an archer’s bow. Twice the length of her arm, golden and shimmering with water droplets. Like something out of a dream. It thrummed in her hand, sure but subtle, like the purr of a cat.

Diana stood up with a slight stumble, dusted herself off and examined it closely. She felt as curious as the aforementioned cat, she just hoped her fate wouldn’t be the same.

It looked like something that should be in a museum on a pedestal inside a glass case with some sort of cryptic description about its origins.

It was beautiful in a simple, elegant way. The bowstring was sturdy but soft to the touch, white and with threads of silver woven into it. The bow itself was completely untarnished in its opaque goldness like it had just been made. At the same time, it _felt_ ancient like it could have been buried for thousands of years, only to be found on accident by a nosy woman who had zero idea about boundaries.

A feeling of inadequacy settled in her gut. In response, the purring intensified until she felt it through her entire body in a single ripple that caused that feeling to dissolve. She felt better almost immediately.

It was so fucking weird. Like something out of a magical girl anime. What was next? Talking animal-like companions?

Out of precaution, Diana looked around. She did a double-take and stared intently at a large brown bird perched innocently on a tree branch nearest her. It completely ignored her and flew away. She sighed.

She brought her attention back to the object in her hands. She threw all caution to the wind with a casual shrug and pulled the string.

Something unexpected happened. Because, fuck, if you expect nothing to happen, and something _does_ happen, you have every goddamn right to freak out.

That's what caused Diana to yell out a curse and throw her find back where it came from in an amazing intuitive feat of self-preservation she otherwise lacked.

She took her time to breathe deeply and settle down. She told herself she was probably hallucinating from dehydration or food poisoning. It had to be the eggs. She began working on her denial while stomping back to camp.

The humming became louder. It demanded her attention, which it captured, completely and profusely.

Diana stopped in her tracks. She was caught between turning around and snatching the bow back out of the water, or, the more logical option, ignoring the eerie thing completely and pretending nothing had happened.

And of course, Diana did as Diana does.

oOo

"Hey, look what I found!" Diana called and waved the bow over her head. It brought her family’s attention to her from their places of leisure.

Felix was the first one on her, bat slung fashionably over his shoulder. "The hell’s that?"

"Wow, you need glasses as well as a brain?" Alice smiled smugly, poking the leather glove to Felix’s temple. He groaned with irritation and slapped her hand away.

Sam slapped both on the back of the head. "Don't fucking start again! I’m up to the tips of my gray hairs with your fucking constant bickering!"

Felix turned to him with indignation. “I didn’t even do anything!”

“But you were gonna,” Samuel said and raised an eyebrow at his son, daring him to protest against him.

Felix groaned and glared at the smirking Alice.

Irene just straight out ignored their antics with a classic roll of her eyes. She took the bow from her Diana's hand to examine it. “Where did you find this? Look at this, Sam.”

"In the stream down that way, where we get our water," she said, jutting a thumb over her shoulder. Irene raised a doubtful eyebrow. "Literally _in_ the water. Freaking weird, right?”

“Weird, yeah…” Irene said hesitantly. She ran a fingertip along the white-silver bowstring. “But why would it be out there like that? Did you see anyone else?”

Diana shrugged off her mom’s paranoia. “Nah, I didn’t. _Auf jeden Fall,_ I was like, ‘this doesn’t belong here, how’d it get here?’ and it makes a neat sound, right?”

" _Ó meu Deus_ , who says neat anymore?" Alice interrupted, mocking.

"I do and I’ve heard you say it too, so shut it," Diana retorted quickly, not about to change the subject. She pointed at the bow. "You hear that? "

With some shared looks of hesitation, they tilted their heads and fell silent. "Hear… what?" Irene furrowed her brow in confusion.

Alice's face lit up. "Oh, I hear it," she exclaimed. Diana looked at her, excited. "The echo in your brain. Echo-cho-cho. _Damn_ , it is empty in there."

“There-ere-ere,” concluded Felix. The two bumped fists like their previous strife had never taken place.

Diana shoved Alice’s shoulder. She was about to be shoved back if not for Sam giving them a _dad look™_.

"Shut up, I'm serious, okay? That's how I found it. I was by the little-river-place-thing and I heard the sound it’s doing now." Diana pointed out. She could hear it from her mother's hands, a baritone humming, fluctuating between highs and lows. She could practically feel it through the air, against her skin, making her hairs stand on end. How could they not notice such an obvious thing? “First I thought, okay that’s nothing, but then it was still there, so I dunked my head in the water-”

“You what?! _Santa Maria, dá-me paciência_ , you get sick and I’ll smack you!”

Diana lifted her hands in surrender. “Jesus, _mami_ , chill. I’m not gonna get sick from that.”

Irene raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “You better not.”

“Man, now you made me- how do you say _Faden verloren_?” She snapped her fingers at her siblings, hoping for help.

Alice lifted one shoulder. “Uhm, like ‘get off track’ or something.”

Diana pointed at her. “Yeah, that, thanks. So like, in the water the sound was clearer, so I dug around and yeah, I found it.”

“But was it _buried_ buried or was it just there?” asked Irene, not yet quite convinced of her story. “Because we’ve been to that place and there’s never been anything there before. Things don’t just materialize out of thin air by the holy work of God.”

“Ay _,_ just trust me on this, _mami_ ,” Diana pleaded.

Felix interrupted the back and forth by announcing, "Yeah, all that aside. I think I speak for all of us when I say I don't hear squat.”

Diana shuffled in place, starting to feel a little discouraged. Her imagination could tend to run a bit wild, but this was real. Right? What if there was something wrong with her? With her brain?

She gestured at the bow. "Okay, then touch it, you'll feel the thing it does.”

"Oh, it fucking does a thing, too,” Sam said.

Diana glanced at him with one finger raised. "It does more than one thing, _pai_."

She expected her mom to notice the deep purr now that she called her attention to it. But even when everyone had put their hands on it, Irene just shared an expectant look with her husband, to which he shook his head.

"You eat any mushrooms out there? ‘Cause y'know, you can’t eat all of them," Samuel joked, the comment underlined with concern.

"For real, still nothing? The hell’s wrong with this thing?" Diana took it back. "Or you, what's wrong with all of you?"

Alice crossed her arms. "Wow, so rude."

Diana sighed in frustration. She picked herself up when she remembered her last resource, the other _thing_ that it did.

She didn’t want them to think that she was actually having some sort of psychotic breakdown or had accidentally ingested hallucinogenics like dad had suggested.

Her heart rate picked up. She would have to go for it.

She was still cautious about it. She admitted that it had caught her off guard before, but she was ready now.

She raised the bow and took a deep breath. She ignored Alice’s whispered ‘what the hell is this binch doing?’ and pulled on the taut bowstring with only a slight grimace.

The same thing happened as before. This time she knew she was not hallucinating judging by the faces of her family. They looked as dumbfounded as she surely had.

An arrow had materialized out of nowhere - her reaction had been completely appropriate. It was real because she could feel it, a warm metal where it touched her skin. It was a simple thing with a metal head, shaft, and tail. It had a swirling design all around the shaft and a deadly looking, thin three-point head.

The spell of awe was lifted when Diana released the string. The arrow flew into a rock she’d unknowingly been aiming at. It fell apart into rubble and Diana released her breath, a weight lifting off her shoulders.

There was silence and then her mom’s very coherent first words, "Uhm, uh-huh, oh-kay.” Her eyebrows were almost at her hairline and she looked like she wanted to say more but didn't know what or even how words worked. She muttered ‘ _Dios mío, que es eso’_ and looked at Sam.

" _Filho duma grande puta_. This is... too much sand for my fucking truck," Samuel said with a long exhale and rubbed his forehead. “I thought- I _…_ ” he broke off, not knowing what to say.

"Okay, wait a freaking second." Alice shook her head and gestured around them. "What’s happening here? We all high? This like a mass hallucination thing or what? Did someone poison the water? Was it you, Felix? Spit it out, we won’t get mad."

Felix’s answer was a nasty side-eye and shrugging Alice’s hand off his shoulder.

Irene shared a wide-eyed look with her husband. He just shrugged and crossed his arms in resignation. "Jesus Christ, and you found it just like that?" she asked again after a few seconds of consideration, sounding a bit alarmed. "If it was hidden you should've let it be."

"But it called me,” Diana defended, “I think it wanted me to take it."

She knew how ridiculous it sounded. What else could she say, though? What else could be said? It wasn’t like there was a protocol for this sort of situation. Plus, she’d always been open-minded. Like fuck, she believed in mermaids and had never even seen one. This was right there. She could see it and feel it. It was real.

"It's an inanimate object, _mija_. It can't want and think anything." Irene crossed her arms.

Diana sighed. " _Mami_ , if it can like, summon arrows from another dimension or whatever, it might be able to think _oder so_. Right?"

"But-" Irene started again. Diana interrupted her by pushing the bow into her hands.

"Just try it out. Maybe you'll see what I mean."

Irene did try it out, shaky and unsure. Nothing happened.

"Look, it stopped," she said. She gave it back with a swiftness that showed just how much she opposed to it. “Now go put it back.”

Diana frowned at it. "No, but it was working. You’re doing it wrong."

"Maybe it ran outta arrows," suggested Alice with a tilt of her head and a lift of her shoulder. She’d been quick to accept the supernatural element of the situation. Much like her sister, which was a trait they shared.

"I guess. I mean, I don’t exactly know how this thingamabob works." Diana shrugged, disappointed that it was over so soon. “It’s not like the Lady of the lake was out handing out instruction manuals or something.” She pulled the string to check.

An arrow materialized like from light and air itself. It swirled like smoke until it took physical form.

Her face lit up. "Oh no, look. It’s there, it's working. C’mon, try again." She wanted to give it back to her mom, but she refused it. So Diana handed it to her dad.

It malfunctioned.

And again with Alice, and with Felix.

"It's only working with you," Alice pointed out, her lip pulled in contempt, disgruntled and more than slightly disappointed. “Why are _you_ living the magical girl dream?”

Diana lifted a shoulder. “Binch, gimme a side braid and call me Katniss.”

Sam furrowed his brow in confusion. “What the fuck is a Katniss?”

“More importantly,” Irene interjected, “God knows there’s no beauty without an _if_ , so what’s the _if_ here?”

“I don’t know.” Diana shrugged. “Guess we’ll find out. But really, though, why me?”

"Maybe 'cause you found it?" Felix suggested. "Maybe it's touch-sensitive or it’s reacting to your DNA or… or it imprinted on you?"

Diana looked at him with a certain admiration. For all she knew, those were all good theories. To her mom’s pessimistic comment, she added, “And not every good thing has to have strings attached.”

Irene scoffed. “Says you.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “This is too much sci-fi for me. Too much _impossible_. This just doesn’t happen, it’s a _movie_ thing, not a _reality_ thing.”

" _Mami,_ you believe in ghosts and spirits and yet you’ve never seen ’em,” Alice said in defense.

“But that’s different. Spirits are feasible, I can wrap my head around them, this is just…”

“It’s freaking weird, yeah I get it. But it _happened_. You saw it, we all saw it. I think, and this is just _meine Meinung_ , that if Diana found it, it’s ‘cause she was supposed to. All this time here and it appears right before we leave. It’s gotta mean something, we can’t just let it go like that.”

Diana felt her heart melt at Alice coming in to defend her but she hid it and stuck her head up. Hopefully, she would appear convincingly confident.

Irene looked at one, then the other, then to her husband, and finally her son. “Got something to add in your sister’s defense, _papito_? Might as well hear it all since we’re at it.” She sighed, rubbing her eyes with the tiredness of a mother of three impossibly stubborn children.

“Me?” Felix pointed to himself and shrugged. “They got it covered.”

Irene shrugged nonchalantly and nodded her blessing, looking both weary and wary.

Alice and Diana bumped fists in victory, low key as to not rub it in their mom’s face.

“I still hate you,” Alice said and turned her face away dramatically.

Diana raised an eyebrow and chuckled. “You’re not letting the dream thing go, huh?”

“You didn’t apologize,” she stated. “And the bow, I was thinking more along the lines of fantasy or mythology," Alice said with a wave of her hand to show off her knowledge.

At his wife’s approval, Samuel tilted his head at the bow and raised an eyebrow at his eldest daughter. “So you gonna keep that?”

Logic was a tiny voice in Diana’s mind, weak and without conviction. Its words were tasteless and unappealing. Diana brushed it aside, listening instead to the fanciful side of her, the side which adored and longed for otherworldly excitement.

That voice was so much more alluring. The words it whispered much more enticing in their solid resolve. One final sentence made every thought spin to a stop and her mind was made up on the spot.

_With this, you'll finally be worth something._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **please leave a comment. I’d love to hear what you think and I’d greatly appreciate some feedback.**
> 
> Diana’s not the only person that’s gotten a weapon like this, but that’s for later on.
> 
> Don’t hesitate to comment or ask me things about the OCs. I’ve created a side story just to answer questions and fun facts or whatever.


	3. 28 days later, but 14

oOo

Irene locked her cellphone with a huff of frustration and threw it into her handbag. She ran a hand down her weary face with a sigh and slammed the passenger’s door shut before turning to her husband.

“Thirteen times. Thirteen times she called me and now no damn call is coming through.” She rubbed the wrinkle between her furrowed brows and felt the guilt rise up her throat with a sickening gut feeling. “Ay Sam, what if something happened to her? What if she had an accident?” She laid her hand flat on her hurting chest.

She’d kept her phone turned off to spare battery, just in case they needed it for emergencies, and upon turning it on that morning, had found a bunch of missed calls from her sister from after they’d left, all on the same day and then nothing. And no messages to even hint as to why she’d called.

“I knew it, I knew I should’ve just swallowed my pride and apologized instead of leaving like that. Why am I so proud? Why couldn’t I have done that? My mom’s just got this way of riling me up, I don’t know…”

Sam walked up behind her and kneaded the tight muscles of her shoulders. “You’re making a storm in a cup outta this. It’s not your fault, your mother started it all, as per fucking usual, goddamn woman just can’t keep her trap shut. If anything, it’s her telling Cátia not to pick up.”

“You know Cátia’s not like that, she doesn’t just go along with every-”

“You talked to her?” Diana asked, approaching her parents with her packed tent tucked under one arm. “‘Cause you look like it and it didn’t go well.” She stuffed the bundle into the trunk of the jeep and leaned on the vehicle while turning to her parents.

Irene shook her head and sighed once more.

“You tried her-”

“Your mother’s tried her private number, work, home, husband and even your cousins. Nothing. Fucking radio silence, no _filho da puta_ of a call goes through,” Sam said, kissed his wife’s head, and finished hauling the remnants of their presence in that camping site into the jeep and shooed Diana away before closing the trunk with a careless thud.

Diana’s mouth formed an ‘o’ in comprehension and she nodded. “So it’s serious, then. So what? If we show up at her door, she’s not gonna send us away. _Ich meine_ , if not for us, then for the stuff we borrowed.” Diana shrugged and sent her mom a joking grin, hoping to lighten her up.

“My problem isn’t Cátia, I know I can always count on her. I just feel something’s wrong.”

“Some fucking excuse for a fight isn’t gonna stop her from seeing us off. Cátia’s impulsive, but she isn’t fucking petty and she doesn’t hold grudges,” Sam reminded his wife and opened the passenger door for her.

“ _Pero mi madre sí_ ,” Irene reminded, not comforted, and climbed in.

Diana climbed in the back seat and settled between Alice and Felix. The former finished shuffling the UNO deck and dealt each their hand with a sly smirk on her full lips.

Sam started the jeep, putting the camp in the rearview mirror, and Felix breathed in relief when his mom turned on the radio. “Finally, music that’s not Alice singing.”

The aforementioned girl felt offended and reached around Diana to punch Felix wherever she could reach, which resulted in her brother receiving a fist to the stomach, his card spilling on his lap, and Diana getting hit by the girl’s arm in the process.

She inhaled deeply and ignored it. She was not going to sit between them on the flight home, that was a given.

“ _Du Arschloch_ , my voice is a godsend and you should count yourself privileged you can listen to it live and for free!” In a whisper, Alice added, “You know I’m insecure about that.”

“ _Chill mal,_ _brudi_. Just kidding, learn to take a joke,” Felix defended, indignant, and reached behind his older sister to slap Alice on the back of the head.

Alice gasped when her head jerked forward. With wide eyes and UNO forgotten, she was about to retaliate, but was stopped by Sam, glaring at them over his shoulder, “I fucking swear, you don’t stop fucking around, I will stop this damned car and beat both your asses!”

Both teens stopped the abuse on the other, but by the murderous looks they shared around their older sister’s head, the feud was not yet over.

Diana could feel a headache coming on, but as long as they didn’t involve her, she was fine.

“ _Cristo_ , Samuel, you don’t have to shout all the time.” Irene slapped Sam’s arm.

“If they won’t fucking listen otherwise?!” Sam shouted again, irate, and Irene shook her head in reproach.

“You just get yourself worked up over nothing, just let them do whatever and if they get hurt, it’s their own fault.”

“Wow, thanks. Great parenting.”

Irene turned in her seat and gave a conspiratorial wink.

Diana waited until the moment had passed and tapped her mom on the shoulder. “ _Mami_ , change the station, we’ve been listening to static for the past five minutes, not really my genre.”

“Yeah, mine neither.” After fumbling with the buttons and getting only white noise in return, Irene finally pressing ‘off’ in frustration. “Stupid thing’s defective,” Irene whispered. “Catch us explaining that to the guy who rented us this.”

“Just put in a CD,” suggested Felix whilst coolly looking out the window at the passing greenery.

Alice took the chance to take a dig at her brother, resuming their verbal fight while shuffling the deck. “How you wanna do that, you wet sock, this isn’t our car, we got no CDs in here.”

“Why you always gotta-”

“That’s it!” Samuel hit the brakes, bringing the jeep to a jerky halt. He turned in his seat, trademark glare intensified and made terrifying by his annoyance.

Diana flinched, even though the look wasn’t aimed at her, and saw from her peripheral vision how her brother and sister shrank back into their seats, like turtles tucking their heads into their shells.

Both started apologizing over and over, not even letting their dad start his scolding.

Irene shushed the teens and grabbed her husband by the face to turn his attention to something on the road ahead.

They had long left the dirt path that led out of the camping site and were driving down a side road that would eventually take them to the highway to Atlanta. It had been a quiet drive until now, with no other vehicle but theirs, but that had been to be expected.

Diana unbuckled her belt and leaned forward between the two front seats, pushing Sam out of her line of vision, and turned her eyes to what her mom had spotted. She squinted, trying to make it out through the heat waves distorting the road. What the hell was she looking at?

“The fuck is that?”

“Language.”

“Drive closer, drive closer,” Alice prompted, tapping her father on the shoulder and shoving Diana aside to squeeze herself forward. Her coiled curls were all up in Diana’s face, tickling her.

Hesitant and cautious, Sam started the jeep again and drove in a silent creep, the tires groaning against the occasional gravel.

As they neared the find, the mere sight was enough to draw disgusted sounds from everyone present, but still them into horrified silence.

On the side of the road, a human figure lied on their back, legs tucked into the shrubbery. Had that been it, they might’ve stopped to check it out and _maybe_ help them, but they were way beyond helping, what with their abdominal cavity torn open, and two other people kneeling over them feeding from it.

They were completed entranced in the activity, bringing guts and innards to their mouths and languidly chomping and chewing on them, oblivious to the stares from the other side of the glass windows of the Hummer.

Irene’s dry heaving snapped the family out of their thoughtless transfixion and somehow managed to catch the unwanted attention of the other two things.

They turned slowly to them, finally taking notice.

From their throats sounded dragged groans and low hisses that raised goosebumps on Diana’s skin. They righted themselves in an almost lazy way. Red, red blood dripping down their chins, staining the front of their clothes, bathing their hands. A bit of small intestine hanging from the flayed, toothy mouth of the female clenched Diana’s stomach and chest until the pressure became unbearable.

Felix shrank away from the window with a fearful whine, grabbing Diana’s hand and squeezing hard as he all but climbed onto her lap.

Both figures threw themselves against the jeep, making the Lobos jump in their seats, and Sam finally tore his eyes away and slammed his foot on the gas pedal.

oOo

They sped away in shocked silence for several minutes, no one daring to say a word, no one daring to look behind.

Diana’s wide, unblinking eyes hazily spotted her brother’s frame as he trembled with shock, his hand still clinging to hers. She didn’t register any noises at all, only a high pitched whistle buzzing in her ears.

She blinked very slowly as if a sudden movement would cause her eyelids to peel off and felt the sting of premature tears on the back of her eyes, prickling her nose as it rose.

Alice had curled herself into a little ball on her seat, hair hanging like a dark cloud over her head, shielding her from the world. She stared unblinkingly, almost not breathing; a wound-up doll that would lash out at whoever bothered her.

Irene’s lips kept moving, but no words came out. Sometimes she would lift a hand to her lips, look green in the face, and then she would take a shaky swig from her water flask.

Sam’s stony features spoke of an admirable undisturbed calm, his tight grip on the steering wheel and jerky driving contradicted.

Everyone seemed to be holding their breath. Tension made the air stuffy and heavy inside the jeep.

The whole mood was one of anticipation. Anticipation for what? Maybe for some fuckhead with a camera and their jackass friends to jump out from behind a bush and laugh in their face at their trauma, magically making everything okay because it was just a ‘prank’? Some stupid social experiment or whatever, like those her mom watched on Facebook. Or maybe they’d stumbled into a movie set and those had just been very dedicated actors.

Diana sincerely hoped that was it.

They arrived at the entrance to the highway sooner than expected and came upon a barricade of vehicles blocking it.

Killing the engine, Samuel exhaled long and deep, composing himself and finding his voice, and turned to his wife. He put a hand on her knee and massaged it soothingly. “You okay?” He grabbed her by the shoulders and brought her to him, kissing her brow, then looked to the back seat with a crease between his brow deeper than a grave. “You kids okay?”

His voice ceased the buzz in her ears and Diana admired how it didn’t betray his tough façade.

Next thing, Irene flung her door open and threw herself to the asphalt, throwing up the contents of her stomach in gut-wrenching heaves and gasps.

Concern overcame the shock, and Diana felt the sting of tears dry up before they even welled in her eyes. She followed Sam with her eyes as he sprinted around the front of the jeep and fell to his knees next to his wife, calling to her and caressing her hair and back.

“ _Mami_?” Diana called, feeling hopelessly useless, and climbed over Alice and out of the jeep, almost falling on her face with hurry.

Felix and Alice climbed out after her and would’ve crowded around Irene if Diana hadn’t asked them for breathing space for the heaving woman.

Irene’s face was streaked with tears, shimmering their tracks down her freckled cheeks, and her eyes were red from exertion and beginning to swell. She gasped and gagged, a line of spittle hanging from her bottom lip, her eyes wide in panic, jumping from husband to daughter, hands clawing their arms; she was a pitiful mess and Diana hated it, it was so unlike her mother that it made her heart beat against her chest in refusal.

That was enough of a change to flip the switch to the nurse mentality she’d been refining over the years, and she went through the motions like she would at work; with empathy and cold detachment.

“It’s okay, _mami_ , breathe in, breathe out, listen to me, listen to my voice,” Diana both begged and commanded with a hoarse voice but a tone so professional it sounded like it was one of her patients she was dealing with and not her own mother. “It’s only me, there’s nothing else, you’re okay, breathe slowly.”

She dabbed away the spit with the sleeve of her shirt. She finally registered the rank smell of vomit from the puddle she was almost kneeling on, and her nose twitched as she tried not to show revulsion.

When Irene was relatively calmer, sitting on her legs, upper body limp against her daughter, head tucked under her chin, Diana carefully retreated with an exhausted exhale and let her dad take her place.

He fussed over her, offering her water, wiping her sweaty forehead and kissing it, combing the hair from her face and letting her rest her head against his wide chest in his concerned and loving embrace.

Diana forced her gaze away, feeling like an intruder on their tenderness, and focused on Felix and Alice, who were speechless and transfixed. She looked them over and asked if they were okay.

“That a fucking question?” “Didn’t you see what the fuck just happened?”

Both exploded at her with questions she didn’t have the answers to and accusations and complaints as if she were the one personally responsible for what was happening. Diana sighed in relief; they were back to themselves.

Now that she’d taken care of her mom and the shock had dissipated, they could start thinking rationally again.

First, what  _in the actual fuck_  was going on?

If it had been a prank, she was sure someone would have come to disperse their desperation by the time her mom had started having the attack.

So, it was unlikely to be a prank. Probably not a movie going on either, or else they would’ve been informed since they were staying so close to the location.

Second, if this happened so close to their camping site, how had they managed to avoid such an encounter by the skin of their teeth? That could’ve been them back there!

Third, was this somehow correlated to her finding the bow the day before? And if so, how? And why? And so many other questions that made her brain feel like it was losing itself in a thick fog.

Diana pinched herself in a desperate attempt, and when nothing happened, she pinched both her siblings, which got her punched twice. But nothing else. No waking up in a cold sweat and an awkward ‘hey, it was just a dream after all, ha ha’.

A weight in her chest accompanied her next thought.

Zombies.

They had seen real life zombies feeding from a real life person that was not alive anymore. Because it had been killed by zombies…

It felt like the cogs were working very slowly to reach their conclusion like her head was full of honey and everything stuck together. Like she was subconsciously refusing to acknowledge it.

Her stupid open-minded trait won over in the end, allowing her to accept and process what she’d seen.

They’d just witnessed the aftermath of a horrific murder and there was absolutely no guaranty that the same couldn’t or wouldn’t happen to them next.

Diana swallowed dryly and glanced at her mom; the woman had always been squeamish, but now Diana fully understood her panic.

Sam held up Irene and helped her sit sideways in the passenger’s seat, legs hanging down the side of the jeep tucked between it and Sam. He held the water flask from where she took small sips, seeing as her shaking hands were almost incapable of the task.

Diana noted the slight trembling in her dad’s legs, possibly more by fear for his wife than anything else, but seeing both like that made her knees wobbly.

She realized what a heavy mantle they carried; their kids looked to them for strength and guidance in the world, it was no light burden on any parent. But it was a burden she, as their oldest child, was willing to help carry. She was an adult, after all, maybe it was time she started acting sort of like one.

She had helped Sam by finding her composure during her mom’s breakdown and allowing him some room to panic without having to remain stoic in such an emotionally stressing situation.

She regarded Felix and Alice; the former was more open about his feelings and it showed on his face and posture how agitated he was. Alice, on the other hand, hid her emotions behind a sky-high steel wall. She’d had her time to be upset and now she was closing off any show of weakness behind locked doors. Only a slight indication of worry remained on her furrowed brow.

Her detachment was both admirable and unhealthy. But everyone deals with things differently, and Alice had developed at a young age an aversion towards displays of affection and everything else that could make one seem vulnerable, and would probably not change back so quickly.

Diana squeezed their arms and asked them to climb back inside the jeep, which they only obeyed after Sam repeated the order.

Diana gently asked her mom and dad to do the same. Sam squeezed her upper arm with a significant look of gratitude and a sloppy kiss on the forehead and rounded back to the driver’s side.

Diana rubbed her forehead dry, a fond tug on her lips, and closed her mother’s door with a quiet thud. Finding herself alone outside the vehicle with the notion of having been followed by zombies hanging over her head, she flung open the door like it would rip right off and climbed over Alice’s lap like her ass was on fire, ignoring the girl’s cry of pain and slapping hands.

Everyone sat immobile for a few seconds, until Sam broke the silence, purposefully avoiding mentioning the heinous creatures as he comforted them. “We’re gonna get the fuck outta here. I don’t care if that shit was real or just a publicity stunt, we’re not dealing with this kind of bullshit white-people fuckery, not today.”

Irene nodded along, eyes rimmed red, and he continued, voice reassuring, “We’re gonna check on Cátia and then we’re leaving.”

Irene nodded again, thankful, and let herself be kissed by her husband.

Diana sighed, she really wouldn’t mind leaving. This was the kind of bullshit she used to see in movies or on the news and think ‘ _of course, only in America_ ’, the country where every bad thing always happened.

Had it been a one-time thing? A freak accident that went unreported and would remain a mystery; three missing persons’ cases with them as the only witnesses, forever unsolved.  A fluke in the Universe that had taken three unwilling victims in a vicious twist in reality.

But it just couldn’t be everywhere, that would be insane.

How many times before had been there news coverage of crazy people going apeshit and throwing their own guts at the police, or eating their neighbor’s face? And everyone had said it was the end of the world, zombies were here and all that baloney, when it was just dudes drugged out of their minds, losing their heads on international television?

“Why’s the thing blocked?” Felix pointed ahead to the barricade they had stopped in front of but hadn’t been in the right mind to question.

“Ah _, merda, c’um caralho, filhos da puta_!” Samuel slammed his hands on the steering wheel. “The fuck is it now?” He turned to Diana and gestured behind her. “Pass the motherfucking bat.”

Diana knelt backwards on her seat and dug around until her hand caught the grip and she pulled it out, handing it to her father, no questions asked.

“What are you gonna do?” sounded Irene’s hoarse voice, her hand small on Sam’s bicep.

His hand dwarfed hers and he brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. He unlatched his door and looked at each of them. “I’ll be right back, stay here.”

Sam tested the weight by hitting it against his palm and exited the jeep. He disappeared from view, weaving between vehicles, only to return a few silent, tension-filled minutes later.

He climbed in heavily, throwing the bat at Irene’s feet with a sigh, and rubbed his forehead with the tips of his fingers. “Everything’s abandoned. Not a damn soul.” Silence and confusion. “Doesn’t seem recent.”

His brow was deeply furrowed, aging him significantly. “We’re gonna have to follow by foot,” he said in an exhausted tone, “the whole damned thing’s packed, no way to drive this fucking beast through there.”

Alice leaned forward. “Wait- wait, backtrack there, what you mean ‘abandoned’? There can’t just be nobody left!” The skin was tight around her knuckles, her hands bunching the fabric of her jeans.

“Yeah, where’s-where’s everyone?”

“I don’t know.”

“ _Pai_ , how’re we gonna get home?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“We can’t be the only ones left, right?”

“I don’t fucking know! _Foda-se_! _Caralho_!” Sam slammed his hands on the steering wheel, silencing everything. The only sound was of his heavy breathing. “We gotta think. What are we gonna do? Fucking hell! I’m done to the beef, that’s what I am.”

Irene tenderly took one of his hands and turned his face to her. She cradled his cheek. “It’s okay,” she said, sweet and simple, and the tension released from Sam’s shoulders like a weight had dropped. “We’re gonna be just fine, God’s my witness, we’re gonna be fine.

“This is nothing, we’ll find a way together; we’ll find some answers, we’ll go home. Sam, you know you’re not alone in this.”

Sam looked back to the kids and again to his wife, his voice was a mere whisper, “I can’t protect us from something I don’t understand.”

“I think I’m old enough to look after my own sorry ass, _pai._ Don’t worry,” Diana said softly, afraid to intrude. Even though her insides trembled at the possibility of witnessing another display of…supernatural cannibalism, she knew she had to step up her game. “We’ll look after each other, protect each other. It’s what we do.”

“It’s not all on you, _mi corazón_.” Irene caressed her husband’s unshaven cheek and planted a lingering kiss on his lips.

“We’re not little _pirralhos_ anymore, too, you know?” Alice scooched forward in her seat while gesturing at herself and Felix with a thumb. “We can kick a little butt here, fight a little there. And I mean, you’re not twenty anymore, namsayin’? Wouldn’t wanna break a hip.”

Sam’s lip tugged at the corner, but he hid it. “But I’m your father,” he said to them, and to Irene, “and your husband, it’s supposed to be my fucking duty to protect you.”

Diana had only seen her dad so vulnerable once in the past, not very long ago. His desperation was palpable, and she knew that no matter how strong he was, this would be too heavy for him to carry alone.

Not that he was supposed to, that’s why he had a wife, that’s why he had kids; it was cheesy as hell, but they were a family, one’s troubles were everyone’s troubles, and they were the Lobos, they’ve gone through so much and they’ve endured everything. _If_ this was the end of the world, they would endure it, too.

“Welcome to the modern age, _pai_. This duty you talking about, it works both ways.”

oOo

The next fifteen minutes found the Lobos with the trunk popped open and them sorting through their belongings and dividing the load among the five of them.

It was a pity to abandon the jeep and its almost full tank of fuel, but the only option it offered was backwards and that would lead them nowhere. They couldn’t afford to waste any more time, they didn’t know what state the city was in, had no idea what else was waiting for them out there.

Once everything had been split among them, only one item remained inside the trunk, its golden glint shining like a beacon from inside the jeep.

Samuel took it in his large hand, and maybe his daughter had been right, he felt like he sensed it exude a strange sort of power, almost humming in anticipation of something. Was their situation the reason the bow had manifested itself? Called to Diana? Was this all planned? His thoughts led only to frustration, so he tried his best to swat them away.

He knew the implication of his actions when he handed the weapon to Diana with newly earned respect and fear.

A silent question of ‘ _can you? If it comes down to it?_ ’

It was a tough thing to ask of one’s own child, knowing that she might be put in danger because of it, and he would never even put her up to it if he could use the weapon himself.

But he couldn’t, and he had the feeling that the bow, with its _unique_ properties, was mightier than the bat hanging from his belt and he needed someone at his side who could wield it. They might come to need both or none at all, but two people at the battlefront were always better than one.

oOo

“The cars are all facing _away_ from the city,” Alice remarked first thing as they warily ventured into the gridlocked highway. “Why are we going there if they were evacuating? There must be a reason.”

They formed a single line as they weaved between vehicles. Sam led the front while Diana manned the rear, bow at the ready, and Irene took the middle so that each teen was surrounded by adults. Everyone kept low and alert to any strange sight or sound.

“We don’t know if they were evacuating,” Irene whispered, “When bad things happen, people want to be with their family. Could be that.” She was grabbing hold of Alice and Felix by the shirts, not wanting to get separated from them. The frightened woman from before was a mere ghost now, her terror-stricken face replaced by the strength of a mother. “Besides, your _Tía_ is there, we’re gonna go to her.”

Thirteen calls. It made sense now. Irene was a realist, and two weeks was a long time, she worried there would be nothing but an apartment full of corpses, or worse, to come back to.

In the eerie silence of their leisurely pace, Diana looked around at the abandoned vehicles, a light coat of dust and dirt on almost every window, the heat rising in waves from the sun-bleached paint jobs, empty food and drink packages caught by the tires. Doors opened in hurry and never closed.

Where was everyone? If they had abandoned their cars, where could they have gone? What had they missed? When had this all started, and what was the cause for what they’d seen? Had a disease broken out? If so, how far had it spread? Were they standing on ground zero? Were they in danger of contagion, basically a ticking time-bomb? How was the rest of the state, the country, the continent? Was it a worldwide pandemic?

There were so many questions. It killed her not knowing!

She started counting back the days, collecting facts. They had left her Godmother’s fifteen days ago; it was relatively not very long ago. So whatever had happened - or was happening - had evolved over the course of those two weeks.

Evidence of a disease was prominent; maybe a dormant mutation, kicked to life by some trigger, or those spore things she’d seen on National Geographic, that invaded ants, like on ‘The Last of Us’, or the Cheeto president had finally pissed some nation off and this was part of some warfare tactic. Basic fact was that Diana didn’t know enough. And it was grating.

She peeked into a car with the driver’s door wide open. There was a baby seat in the back, dried blood sprayed on the window that colored the seat maroon. The sight summoned bile up her throat and she had to swallow hard to force it down.

She closed the door silently, trying not to think about it, readjusted the straps of her backpack and trotted to the back of the five-person file.

Five more cars and Samuel raised a hand, military style, to halt them. He tilted his head to listen around with his good ear – the one he wasn’t deaf from – and crouched low, making the others follow his example. They squished themselves against the car, hoping it would make them disappear entirely.

Diana saw Irene grab Alice and Felix closer to her, and putting her arms around them. She raised her bow like she had practiced the previous day while playing pretend, and kept her fingers quiet on the string, ready to pull at any sign of trouble. Her heart was loud in her ears, hammering against her ribcage, her hands trembled, as did her insides, and her breath came out uneven in her attempt to be silent.

She heard them before she saw them, their shuffling gait and hellish noises. They came in a group of four from behind a bus ahead of them. There could be more, she couldn’t see. She only saw milky eyes sunken in their sockets, gaunt features, grayish skin and gaping mouths. She could smell the decay clinging to them, and it made her clench her teeth to keep from gagging. Her mom looked green in the face as she ducked her head.

They hadn’t been spotted, which was good, but the zombies were blocking the road and hobbling in their direction, so there was no way to sneak around without them noticing. Diana cursed in all languages she knew inside her head, screaming internally.

She heard her dad spit out some of the swears she’d been repeating as the zombie closest to their hiding spot, just one SUV away, tilted its head and slowly changed direction, dragging itself towards them, a slight limp making it bob up and down, the ripped shoulder seams of its suede jacket flapping away.

When it got close enough, Sam righted himself, about to bring the bat down on it when something sneaked up on Diana.

Her yell of surprise caught Sam’s attention and distracted him from his task, giving the zombie the opportunity it needed to latch itself onto him, trying to claw and bite his way into the man’s bare arms.

Diana toppled over with the added weight and struggled with the zombie on top of her, her backpack digging painfully into her back and using her bow to stop its descent onto her. Its yellowed teeth clicking around the grip, a line of spit falling dangerously close to Diana’s cheek and the foul smell of rotten flesh filling her nostrils. She would’ve breathed through her mouth, but didn’t want to risk the zombie’s saliva dribbling in.

She could feel its arms squirming between them, pressed against her stomach, its nails scratching against the fabric, and her heart skipped a beat and started racing, the fear invading her, adrenaline forcing her weakened biceps to build up momentum and lift it off her and to the side, using her legs as leverage.

She got on her knees and scampered away until her back hit the side of the car. The zombie started towards her, long ratty hair dragging on the ground, but Diana stopped it with her foot against its face.

Before it could grab her leg, she jerked away and brought her bow down on it like a baseball bat. When its nasty face cracked against the asphalt, Diana sat up on her knees and clubbed the bow against the side of its skull, time and time again until it cracked open like an egg and blood and dead brain matter oozed out, painting her bow and splattering her.

She stood on wobbly legs, adrenaline leaving her, and was able to register what else was going on around her.

Her dad had already brought down two of them, his powerful swings almost taking one’s head clean off, and was taking care of a third while Alice and Felix fought bare handed to pull a zombie off their struggling mom.

Diana was about to step up to help when the teens pulled a final time and it came toppling to the ground, neck at an odd angle against the car, where it started crawling back towards the woman. Felix searched frantically around for something to smash its head with, but Alice, without further ado, opened the passenger’s door and slammed it shut on its head, one, two, three times before its skull burst open and it fell to the ground missing the top of its head.

Irene managed a few steps away before throwing up, and Felix, with a trembling chin, soon followed. Alice covered her mouth and nose with her elbow while awkwardly rubbing her mom’s back.

Sam fell against the hood of the car, exhausted, two more zombies on him. He kept shouting profanities at them, his voice raw and panting. As Diana did to raise her bow in her shaky aim to help him she was grabbed by the backpack yet again. The back of her eyes stung with tears of anxiety as fear gripped her chest, halting her breath.

She was going to die. There was no way to survive this.

In a last desperate attempt, she let her backpack slide off and turned around to shoot it with shaking hands, but it dropped dead at her feet, an arrow that didn’t belong to her sticking out the back of its decaying head of hair.

Two consecutive shots from a gun that made her flinch brought down the other two zombies surrounding her dad with a gaudy display of skull splinters and brain gunk as they toppled down one over the other.

“Well, well. Look what we have here, lil brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	4. how to be recklessly stupid by diana lobo

oOo

Life was a sadistic asshole, or the Universe, or God, or the wizard behind the curtain for all she knew. Just whoever or whatever was pulling the strings responsible for the current events was a major sadistic fucker, getting off to their pain.

After two weeks of relative bliss, reality had bitch slapped Diana across the face; a rude wake-up call, the sting multiplied by the thousands, spreading through every inch of sensitive skin until her whole body felt both numb and sore, a cold sweat breaking from her pores.

Time slowed down and reeled forward simultaneously.

She swayed in place, disoriented and dizzied by the notions that spun around in her addled brain.

This was no one-time thing, no freak accident nor a fluke in the Universe.

An indescribable churn in her stomach made her hazily wonder if she was going to throw up as well.  Her vision focused and she caught her reflection in the dusty window of the car she leaning against.

From the base of her neck to under her chin was a fine spray of blood, drying quickly in the hot air, painting her skin with red polka dots.

Red was a pretty color on her, Diana thought dreamily.

The gears in her mind jarred back to motion, clicking again, slowly, dent by dent, until she unfroze from her vegetable state of mind and truly noticed her surroundings. The smell of sweat, blood, burned rubber and smoke burned her nose.

As the buzzing in her ears retreated, Diana was met by a new voice, sawing through her in its grating slur, immediately convoking a feeling of annoyance from deep inside her that made her want to roll her eyes to the back of her skull.

Her eyes jumped to the figure of a man as he approached her, appearing from behind the car she was leaning on, and he bent down to retreat the bolt impaled on the head of the zombie at her feet, his blue eyes attentive on her. He wiped it on the leg of his pants and reloaded the crossbow in his hold.

Diana’s heart sunk into her chest and her eyes widened at the vanquished threat. Her eyes traveled to every corpse, the sight of the gore tickling the back of her throat, before they landed on the one she had killed herself, sprawled with its hand reaching out to her, goop widening in a radius around its unrecognizable features.

The act of the kill itself rammed into the front of her mind like a freight train and suddenly red was no longer pretty on her.

Her bow clattered to the ground, nearly landing in the filth, as she desperately rubbed her hands on her speckled skin, scratching and peeling off chips of dried gunk, jaw clenched until the joints hurt. Bile rose to her throat, threatening to propel her lunch out of her mouth, but she swallowed hard, ignoring the bitter taste and focused instead on the newcomers.

The man in front of her observed her ministrations with an attentive nonchalance, mouth slightly curled in disgust, short hair slickened to his forehead with sweat on one side while wild on the other. Another man walked up from behind him to stand on his right, a rifle in his hands; his smile was patronizing and Diana dared to assume the voice from before had been his.

Diana met both their eyes before slowly bending at the knee to pick up her bow and backpack, shouldering both. ‘Crossbow’ followed her movements with his weapon, which made Sam protest from the back, spouting profanities in half-whispers.

Diana raised her hands in a show of good will.

She was not the enemy.

They were not the enemy.

Everyone should just chill.

“Thanks,” she said, quite calmly, still somewhat muddle-minded.

She felt like she was on the verge of something unknown like a flip was about to switch at any moment and turn her inside out, but for the time being she felt oddly placid and like she was in a dream, floating through an imagined plot.

‘Crossbow’ squinted at her and gave a curt nod, but it was ‘Rifle’ that responded, “Your words are all good an’ sweet, but I think me an’ my brother would feel your gratitude better if you were willing to uh- part with some o’ the items in your possession.” He gestured around with his rifle in a loose hold. “But believe me, sweet cheeks, it don’t gotta be willing,” he said with a smiling coldness and gripped his weapon tighter, the gesture complementing the spoken threat.

“ _The fuck is he saying? What does the filho da puta want?_ ” Sam spat, glaring at the man’s obvious display of hostility. He wanted nothing more than to stride up to be the one standing toe to toe with the two strangers instead of Diana, but he knew that any sudden move on his part would have the men on alert and he wanted them to keep those weapons lowered as long as possible, even if it meant he had to appear to cower at the back.

 _Caralho_ , it really set his blood on fire!

Before either Felix or Alice had a chance to translate for him, Diana lied, “ _It’s nothing.”_

She didn’t quite feel like herself at the moment. To be honest, she didn’t even feel real, more like a concept of a person in the concept of a world. That may be the reason why she so boldly turned to ‘Rifle’ and shot question after question, like a reporter in face of the scoop of the century.

He interrupted her with an amused and condescending chuckle.

“Wo- slow down, sweet cheeks. Didn’t get the memo, _sista_? The whole world’s gone to hell and we’re aaaall invited.” He continued laughing, but the sound became background noise to Diana’s ears.

Knowledge is power, that was what Diana had always believed, a sort of motto for her as she did her best to learn as much as she could. But this knowledge left her unconditionally powerless. It carved out a piece of her and left her with an emptiness in her chest.

For a second she fought against it, thought herself foolish and naïve for believing so easily. But, she thought, what other explanation was there for what they’d seen until now? There was no evidence to contradict his words.

They’d been a fact. A cold, hard fact.

And with that, she thought of other facts that maliciously twisted the knife already plunged in her heart.

They would never go back home. She would never again set eyes on Portuguese shores, its rolling waves crashing against beaches of fine-grained sand. Nor would she visit her grandparents’ home in the _Vila_ on the mountain, the light of the full moon and constellations illuminating the navy-blue summer skies, undisturbed by light pollution. All those places that had raised her, all those places filled with precious memories would be lost to them forever.

No more lighting a candle on _Avô_ ’s grave, no more Christmas family reunions, where everyone came to bury past spites and try to start anew.

With all that came a heart-pounding sadness that ripped her open from the inside. Diana felt homesick like never before. She could no longer discern shapes and forms by the time she shut her eyes close, fat tears warm on her cheeks, which she was quick to wipe away, defiant against her sentimentality. She screwed her mouth to avoid crying, aware of the eyes on her.

“ _Mija_ , _you alright?_ ” that was Irene’s concerned voice as she hugged Diana to her side.

“Mmhm,” she hummed with a nod, weak and unconvincing, and tried to smile, but it wavered and felt awkward, so she stopped. She sniffed and cleaned her eyes again just to avoid her mother’s sincere dark ones.

“Ain’t this sweet and mushy and just heartbreaking, really!”

Diana looked over her shoulder at her family.

Sam kept glancing at his daughter and the two strangers. He was seething in his spot, form shaking in rage and muscles tense beyond belief in reaction to what had transpired. Other than that, he seemed to be holding it together, probably because he had no idea what was being said the whole time, only that it had upset them.

Felix’s loud sniffles and blotchy red face were evidence that he had been crying. The tall teen stood slightly hunched, hand grasping the back of his dad’s shirt in an uncharacteristic childish manner that reminded that despite his mature body and stature, the boy had only recently turned fifteen.

Alice’s eyes were hard, her glare vicious and the tight line of her mouth set in stone. From her exuded an anxious and angry energy, almost palpable in the air around the girl.

Irene’s motherly instinct had pushed her own worries aside to allow her to give comfort to her children. She could imagine how absolutely pissed she would be at the world for its injustices as she mourned the demise of a normal future for her children, one she and her husband had worked so hard to provide for them.

Diana faced forward. Now, with the actuality of the real world weighing her down - and having been seen at a low point -, she didn’t feel quite so bold anymore, and all the dopey audacity that had charged her earlier was replaced with a pathetic meekness that didn’t feel quite like her as well.

When her words came tripping out her mouth in a nervous jumble, Irene gently grabbed her hand in encouragement, and even without looking at the woman, Diana felt empowered by the reassuring touch.

She took the ever-present anguish and hopelessness hovering above her like a dark cloud and pushed it into the back of her mind, locking it behind ramshackle gates. There was no time for mourning now.

Repressing was not the best for a healthy mental state, she knew it, but hers had already gone past that point for a long, and with her share of experience with holding in one’s worries for years, she hoped adding another one to the pile wouldn’t bring it tumbling down.

Besides, she wasn’t the only one that had to hold herself in check at the moment.

Diana took a deep breath and steeled herself. Her insides were still trembling, but she fought to control herself. She grabbed onto the hem of her shirt to stop the urge to fidget with her fingers.

“We’re not gonna hand over our stuff just like that,” she affirmed, her jaw locking with nerves, clipping her words. Her mind started reeling, thinking up a counterargument, a strong verbal defense, even a win-win proposal. She couldn’t think under the pressure and the pause was just plain awkward.

Her eyes combed the surroundings, landing on the skyline of Atlanta, smoke billowing into the sky at random places. Next in her sights were the vehicles all around, stuck in never-ending traffic and completely useless.

These men, these strangers, where they traveling on foot? They had to have some mean of transportation, probably not far away if they’d been close enough to hear the commotion.

With an idea solidifying in her mind, Diana held herself a bit higher to give the impression of confidence she didn’t possess at the moment. She hated this, she absolutely hated confrontation, with people other than her family she tended to give in too easily, never wanting to rile things up in her never-ending quest to be liked by everyone. This couldn’t be one of those times.

She glanced between the two men and found ‘Crossbow’ and his impartial stare to be less unnerving than the almost cruel leer of ‘Rifle’. So she focused on him and spoke to him.

“But,” she almost choked on her saliva and swallowed, “if you can provide us with safe transport to the city, we may consider splitting it evenly, according to the number of people in each party and everyone’s particular needs.”

Cold sweat broke out Diana’s skin, her heartbeat audible inside her chest. She couldn’t believe the bullshit she’d pulled out of her ass, nor the diplomatic tone of authority she’d said them in. She felt like a character in a law tv-show, negotiating terms of a deal.

She glanced at both men, feeling her heart flutter nervously and her palms begin to moisten.

She had no other offer or idea other than that, that had been her big play. She had expected a more flawed execution, with stuttering and generally fucking up, but had been pleasantly surprised on that aspect. Even so, her anxiety didn’t let up, feeding her negativity and thoughts of failure.

A bead of sweat rolled down the back of her neck to disappear into the collar of her top. The rolled up sleeves of her button up made the shirt feel restricting and clingy and she resisted the need to rip it off her. The pack on her back was heavier than ever, the straps digging deeper into her shoulders, weighing her down with each tension-filled second that passed. The bow was oddly silent, and it was worrying.

She really needed this to work. If they were going to have to give these men any of their supplies, at least she wanted to make sure they were left with things that they needed.

Her dad’s medication, for one.

As a type 2 diabetic, Sam didn’t need insulin injections, but he had to swallow pills daily to keep the blood glucose levels regulated. Those were an absolute must. His health would deteriorate measurably without them, and if left untreated, his condition would lead to a diabetic coma which would mean his demise.

Diana suppressed a shudder.

No, they couldn’t lose those to the strangers.

Food could be easily scavenged, if one knew where to look, while meds were almost always the first things to disappear from the shelves. From the most common vitamin preparations to the strongest antibiotics and analgesics. In every movie she’d ever seen, people took no precautions when it came to pharmaceuticals; if it’s in a pharmacy, it’s worth taking.

The two brothers finished their conversation conveyed only through looks and micro facial expressions, and this time it was ‘Crossbow’ who spoke.

His voice was low and grave and pleasant to her ears, unlike his brother’s grating slurred speech, but it was the words, rather than the voice, that sent a chill down Diana’s spine.

“Man, the hell have you been drinkin’? The city’s dead,” he almost spat out the last word.

Diana’s heart fell into the pit of her stomach.

What did he mean?

She muttered that thought out loud.

‘Crossbow’ frowned. His brother laughed at her ignorance, but she did her best to ignore him and concentrated on acquiring the information she needed.

“What do you mean ‘dead’?” she repeated, voice coming out surer, “What about shelters or something, or a- a _quarantena_ , isn’t that what happens in these situations? There are safe zones.”

‘Crossbow’ laughed a single disbelieving chuckle. “Situations like these? There ain’t never been a situation like this, and sure as hell ain’t nobody was prepared for this shitstorm to break out.” He gestured around, sounding irate. “The military spread some bullcrap ‘bout shelters in the city, but hell knows that shit blew up all over their cammo greens.”

He stared her right in the eyes as he delivered the end to his rant. “So, no, we ain’t ‘providin’ safe transport’ to nobody.” He narrowed his eyes at her. In less than a second, he glanced at every member of the Lobo family, and then some sort of resolve solidified and showed briefly on his face. “Let’s get the hell outta here, Merle, this ain’t worth the effort.”

And they left the way they came.

Diana watched them go, disheartened that her family was now left with no destination and no way to know if her Godmother and her family were still out there or if they had fallen victim to the apocalyptic pandemic.

Diana made that another thing to worry about in the future, caging it away and already feeling the migraine of the century coming on.

However cold and detached it sounded, Diana felt the major goal right now was to find safe shelter – well, as safe as safe could get – and transport – on foot was no way to make it in this new world, she could bet on it. Only after they got settled down could they think of their losses and half-victories.

There was also the subject of food and drink. It would be no easy task to feed three adults and two growing teens, not on the resources they had.

The two brothers had given up way too easily after having made those threats and even going through the trouble of helping them instead of letting them get killed and looting their corpses. That lack of desperation let her think that maybe they already had their own source or stash and had only been looking to score some extra with them.

The gears in her mind rotated faster. _Quick, think of something, anything_. She couldn’t just let that opportunity to strike a deal in their favor to slip through their fingers so easily.

Their personalities appeared to be incompatible thus far. They didn’t have enough supplies, only had basic survival skills, only that day had they found out about the freaking apocalypse! Diana could only think of cons, no pros.

“Quick, tell me something they need we can offer them!” She asked all four, wringing her hands and cracking the knuckles of her thumbs in a nervous tick.

Sam, who had been brought up to par on the situation via translation from his teen children, looked at his oldest daughter like she’d grown a second head. “You got little fucking monkeys inside your head or what? We want fuck nothing to do with those motherfuckers.” He pointed in the direction they’d left in, which was a reminder to Diana that soon they would be gone and so would their transport.

Diana bounced on her feet and groaned softly, now she just had share her realizations with the rest of her family and hope they saw eye to eye on her plan. She wasn’t optimistic. “They probably, very likely have a car, we don’t. They gave up real easy on our things, which, for me, equals they don’t really need them, which means if we wanna catch a ride with them, we gotta have something else to offer,” Diana ranted and gestured with her hand to wind forward. “ _Komm jetzt_ , people, give me something, they gonna be gone soon if we don’t hurry.”

Sam and Irene shared an incredulous look. Sam pointed at her in disbelief and Irene shook her head while rubbing her forehead.

“Safety in numbers!” Felix spewed out, and flinched and stepped away from his father at the look he was receiving. “Just sayin’.”

Diana snapped her fingers at him. “Perfect, let’s go!” She was anchored in place by Sam’s hand on her upper arm, his grip like a vice.

“D’you take a fucking hit to the head, we  _just_  got rid of them!”

“Yeah, man, and now we’re going back.” Diana pulled out her arm from his grasp and stepped over the zombie ‘Crossbow’ had wiped out with a shudder.

Sam plowed through, grabbed her by the backpack and turned her around with the momentum. His glare would make a grown man piss in his pants, but Diana was used to it, and her driven stubbornness was not about to let her cower in face of it.

“They could be dangerous!” he yelled in her face while grabbing her by the shoulders, his northern accent rolling off his tongue. “Correction, they are fucking dangerous!”

Diana nodded, she was well aware of that fact. “Yeah, but _pai_ , we’re five and they’re only two. We got that on our side.”

“They have weapons!”

“So do we,” Diana defended.

“ _Real_ weapons, not a toy and a fucking whatever-that-thing-is.”

“They could have a bigger group,” Irene supplied from her husband’s side. “Of thugs and murderers, we don’t know. They looked like the type. We don’t wanna risk that.”

Diana didn’t resent their worry and scolding. It was rather reckless, what she had in mind. But if it went well, it was their best shot. It was a big leap, but that was the way things were sometimes.

Her family shouldn’t have to go through this alone. And the men had been skilled, they could get to be powerful assets, good additions to their team. Diana had watched a lot of zombie movies in her time, and one thing they always made clear, is that sometimes you need a couple of trigger-happy rednecks by your side. If not for their skills, then as cannon fodder.

Something in the back of Diana’s mind rang, warning her of how fast she was going with everything, feeling guilty for moving on too quickly. But what other choice was there? They couldn’t stagnate and let themselves get killed. The world had been moving on without them for two weeks, it was time they caught up. And that meant acting now and feeling later.

Diana laid a hand on one of her dad’s and looked him in the eye. “I can’t promise it won’t be dangerous, _pai_ , because like, have you looked around you? All I’m asking is for you to take a leap of faith. Please, just trust me. I mean, they helped us, so they can’t be all that bad, right?”

“You forget the _filhos da puta_ threatened us and wanted to take every-fucking-thing from us?” Sam reminded with a deep set scowl, hazel-green eyes gleaming with fire.

“No, I’m not forgetting, but- but they didn’t follow through with it,” Diana reasoned, trying her best to tame the heat in her father’s expression with soft words, her best negotiation tool with him. “Hell, they could’ve just let us be killed and take our things anyway, but they didn’t!”

“We could get ourselves killed, we don’t know those people. _Santo Cielo_ , for all we know, they could be waiting around the next car to jump us,” Irene said, “we could go falling right into a trap.”

Her mom’s words only served to fan the flames fueling her dad’s conviction, and Diana could see herself fighting a losing battle if she didn’t come up with better arguments.

Her stomach was hurting with the anxiety of the situation, and her headache only worsened. And she felt like crying. She swallowed the painful lump in her throat and raised her watery eyes to meet her father’s gaze. She felt his grip slacken as his expression softened slightly.

“We coul-” she cleared her throat, “we could still get ourselves killed if we stay here. Who knows how many zombies are around here or how long it’ll take ‘til they’re on us. We only have whatever food we have and our feet to guide us. What happens when we get tired? And when we run out of food? What about then?” Diana looked at her parents, brown eyes wide and pleading. “They’re the only other humans we’ve seen ‘til now, could be the only ones we see in a long time. _Anda lá_. Just, give them the benefit of the doubt. They’re our best shot at surviving right now.”

“You don’t know that, _mija_ ,” Irene pitched in, somewhat subdued. “I just- I got a flea behind my ear about them.”

“And we don’t know otherwise. All I know is that I feel we have a shot if we stick with them. I mean, they survived this far.”

“And so have we, goddamn it,” Sam roared back and lifted his hands in exasperation.

Diana raised her eyebrows at him. “We didn’t even know anything was happening! We were running on pure luck and the bliss of ignorance. But that’s over now, you know I don’t like strangers, nor socializing with them, but we need allies. Good people-”

Irene scoffed. “ _Oye mija_ , they didn’t seem like very good people to me.”

“Circumstances, _mami_. Imagine the impression  _we_  made on  _them_. First impressions are almost always bullshit.” Diana turned to her dad and gestured at him. “Everyone always assumes the worst about you, _pai_ , because of your-” she mimicked his glare. “-Doesn’t mean it’s true!”

Sam narrowed his light eyes. “I don’t go around waving guns at people’s faces tryna rob them.”

“ _And_ they told us the truth. They didn’t have to do that. They didn’t have to go that far.”

“Yeah, they’re your average Saints,” Alice interrupted. “Look, don’t _we_ get a say in this or are we just Christmas decorations? What’s this dictatorship?” she complained, pointing at herself and Felix.

Convinced she had found allies in her quest, Diana gestured for her sister to go ahead.

“In all honesty, this is stupid. You’re too trusting and those guys just stank of inbreeding and blatant racism.”

“Even your sister sees it! Why the fuck can’t you, Diana?”

Diana felt betrayed, she was starting to enter a deep void of despair at their stubbornness. They were wasting enough time as it was discussing it. Diana’s gut told her it was the right play, and her gut had never wronged her before. I mean, she misjudged small things all the time, but not the big decisions. It was like she had a compass inside her, and right now the needle was pointing ‘get the fuck going, girl’.

There was a sense of foreboding hanging in the air, urging her to make the right decision, and she knew they had to take the plunge, had to take the leap of faith and trust the strangers that had managed to simultaneously save and terrorize them. It was now or never.  “ _Pai_ , please, listen to me! Just. Trust. Me.”

“Sam,” Irene interrupted before Sam could shoot her down once more, and pulled him down by the arm to whisper in his good ear.

Diana strained her ears but didn’t pick up on anything. She cracked her knuckles again, dissatisfied when they didn’t pop and waited impatiently. She watched her father’s expression change drastically with every whispered word.

He jerked back when Irene was done and raised his eyebrows at her. “ _Caralho_ , you too!?”

Irene stared at him, a look that seemed to say ‘sadly, you know I’m right’ on her face, and Sam furrowed his brow and rubbed the bridge of his nose with a heavy, defeated sigh.

“ _Foda-se_! Fuck this motherfucking damned world to hell and back,” he muttered, dragging his hand over his mouth, and looked back up to his oldest daughter, his eyes flickering to her shoulder, and there, a hiccup in his resolve, “You stubborn girl, I got water up to my fucking beard with you, I fucking swear, I oughta beat your ass for thinking of this.” Next, he pointed to his wife. “And you! I’m not even gonna say anything.” All bark and no bite. “You’re crazy, both of you.”

Irene winked in conspiracy at Diana’s inquiring frown, which only confused her even more. Her mom had been steadfast against her plan, and just like that, like the flip of a switch, stood with her. What was going on there?

Diana was beyond curious as to why and what she could have possibly said to Sam to convince so easily after her struggle, but she didn’t let it win over, instead she thanked them a thousand times and tried to swallow the anxiety that repeated premonitions of failure and regret into her mind like a broken record.

Her compass pointed in one direction and the rest of her in another.

Finally leaving the massacre behind, they trekked after the long gone brothers, hoping to not stray from their trail.

Sam took the lead, but this time they amassed together instead of filing up. To Diana, he said, “At the slightest, tiniest fucking sign of trouble, I will end them and then you, you get that?”

Diana gulped dryly and nodded at the fake threat. Well, fake the part regarding her. The other part, however, she was sure he would go through with.

Come Hell or high water, Samuel Ravi Lobo would always do everything in his power and beyond to protect his family, and Diana hoped for the two men’s sake that they didn’t try anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love diana, but her judgement's kinda broken
> 
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	5. bleeding heart

oOo

“The hell was that about, Daryl?” Merle barked as soon as they were out of earshot. Irked and not feeling up to it, Daryl prepared himself for an unwanted chiding. “We were ‘bout to luck out with them cottonpickers!”

Daryl looked over his shoulder before hissing at his brother, “They got kids, asshole. Need it more than we do.”

“That ain’t never bothered you before, and that sky-scraping beanstalk was more tower than kid.” Merle laughed a single humorless chuckle and sobered up, fixing Daryl with an inquiring stare. “If my memory serves me well, I remember you being 100% in on it right before the deed. The hell changed ya mind?”

Daryl gripped his crossbow and stared ahead, ignoring his brother for the time being, and keeping eyes and ears alert to any biters that could cross their path as they weaved their way through the endless traffic.

His thoughts went back to the encounter.

Sure, at the beginning he’d been game for the robbing stint. He didn’t know them. He couldn’t begin to care what would happen to them once he and his brother liberated them of their belongings and left them to fend for themselves with nothing more than the clothes on their backs.

That’s what he’d thought. That’s what he told himself a thousand times over. And maybe that mentality came easier for his brother, but for Daryl, his resolve weakened when he saw them up-close and interacting with each other.

He was stabbed with guilt, which only grew overwhelming and sunk deeper into him the longer he stood there.

There had been pain and despair and tears, and Daryl cursed himself for feeling for them, but he did.

And after the girl had proposed an exchange, which he knew to be no good for them, Daryl had found the perfect opportunity to make up an excuse to get him and his brother out of there.

Now Merle wanted justifications and he just couldn’t tell him the truth.

“Man, I ain’t gotta tell you shit. Ain’t gotta justify myself to you.” Daryl shrugged off the hand that had found its way to his shoulder, its weight overbearing and accusing. Any second longer and it would’ve felt like his brother would personally pluck out the truth from his brain.

Merle pulled his lips back in an animal smile, a vague threat behind his words, “The hell you don’t. I don’t know ‘bout you, but I ain’t goin’ ‘round saving people outta the goodness of my heart!”

Merle gripped Daryl by the shoulder, forcefully this time, and turned him around to face him. The momentum threw Daryl against a random car, which shook and squeaked with the weight slammed on it. 

“Get off me!” The younger brother lashed out instinctively and pushed Merle off at the same time that a biter from inside the car hurled itself at the rolled up window with a snarl, startling the two brothers. Daryl jumped and raised his cross at the female, while Merle aimed his rifle.

She wasn’t a threat, they deemed, and left her behind, banging tirelessly on the glass window.

Daryl stormed off in advance and Merle followed after. “Ah, it’s like that, ain’t it, baby brother?” he resumed his line of interrogation, “What on this damned earth is wrong with you?”

Daryl whirled around suddenly, almost causing Merle to run into him, and stated clearly, “Fuck off, Merle,” before he could stop, one of his thoughts slipped out his mouth, “They didn’t even know what the hell was goin’ on!” His eyes widened just for the fraction of a second at the slip and he turned back around to resume his stalk.

“Exactly.” Merle strutted to his side and presented him with a cold grin. “They ain’t gonna make it long as it is, why not end their sufferin’ before it even begins, ya know, out of mercy?”

Daryl felt apprehensive at the thought. The notion didn’t sit well with him, it made his stomach clench just the tiniest bit. “Like I said, asshole, they needed it more.” He hoped the finality in his tone would lead Merle to drop the topic.

“Smell that? I smell bullshit,” Merle said theatrically, “Yesterday you didn’t open your damn mouth when we stole that ‘poor’ fucker’s stash at gunpoint.” He gave a half shrug, mocking nonchalance. “Hell, sweet cheeks was even wantin’ to strike a deal. She had balls, that one.” He chuckled.  “We shoulda taken it and they woulda been none the wiser. We shoulda taken ‘em up on their  _kind_ counteroffer and they wouldna known shit until it bit ‘em right in the ass.”

Daryl stopped and stood in his spot, back turned to his brother. His eyes stared unseeing at a baby bottle at his feet.

It was true, he didn’t necessarily have to tell that family about the city, especially after Merle had clearly signaled him not to.

He had blatantly ignored his brother and felt a strange compulsion to speak the truth, to spare those people some bit of misery, because God knows, and he himself had witnessed, they were going through enough shit as it was.

So, yeah, he had spared them out of sympathy and compassion, and there was no way in hell Merle was going to hear word of his true reasons.

“They were pathetic,” he started, feeling the excuse rolling out his mouth with flawless execution, “I ain’t some fucking coward to attack defenseless people,” he lied through his teeth. Not only had the man from the day before been unarmed but the father from the family, standing at the back, armed with only a bat and a seething glare, had looked the very opposite of pathetic.

Even the rest of his family, through watery eyes and anguished expressions, had managed to stand their ground against two armed strangers and their far-fetched demands.

The girl at the front rising virtuously from her deeply intimate emotional breakdown to stand toe to toe with him was surprising enough, but it was the vulnerability in her eyes hidden by a thin layer of courage as she held herself high that had spoken to him the most. His stomach had knotted when he’d seen her. It had vaguely reminded him of his young self, staring up at his old man after a beating, trying to hide the hurt behind defiance.

So he’d acted according to his gut.

“Who gives a shit?” Merle snapped and kicked away the baby bottle unintentionally in his stride, bringing Daryl’s attention to the outside world once again.

Daryl avoided his gaze, half out of anger, half out of shame. Shame of what? He wasn’t sure.

Something clicked in Merle’s brain. “Was it the girl?” When Daryl’s shoulders visibly and unavoidably tensed at the spot-on guess, Merle laughed sardonically and threw an arm over his little brother’s shoulders in mocking camaraderie. “Oh, baby brother, your lil bleedin’ heart is gonna be the death of you. If all it took for you to back off was that blasted girl flashing her pretty peepers at you, then the world is gonna screw you like a cheap whore at every turn.”

Daryl slapped his brother’s arm away and glared pure ice at him. “Don’t talk about shit you know nothing ‘bout,” he warned. Merle let it go with a final chuckle as if the whole situation was clear to him now. Daryl was aware of his assumptions but didn’t bother to correct them, allowing the subject to die right there.

oOo 

They made it to the pick-up truck in relative silence and only one other biter encounter along the way, which had been swiftly dealt with. Daryl wanted to put the thought of the family to rest, resigned with never seeing them again.

Merle had grumbled the entire time, mostly to himself, but loud enough for Daryl to hear, and it had annoyed him to no end, bringing him to the verge of smacking him.

Hopping over the road partition, Daryl took a quick peek at the back of the truck, satisfied to see it was still there; the aforementioned stash of food and supplies stolen the day before. Their personal pot of gold, the jackpot of the apocalypse.

Merle had been reluctant to park on the empty lanes. It had felt exposed and risky, but they’d found a spot next to some broken down cars that helped camouflage their truck with their uselessness.

Their goal had been to comb through the gridlock on the lookout for salvageable goods, expecting to find trucks ripe with non-perishables and other good shit other people might have left behind as they fled. Most of it had been left untouched over the last two weeks.

They’d been expecting the inevitable biter encounters, as had been the case; the sons of bitches were everywhere. What they hadn’t expected was to find a family fighting for their lives against a sizeable group of them.

Daryl hadn’t given them much thought, and had intended to leave them be and go on his way, but his brother’s mind had started cooking up something the second he’d laid his eyes on them. So they’d waited in the figurative shadows and devised a plan.

A plan, which had gone down the drain when the other party had presented itself to be more strong-willed than they’d thought.

There had been mixed signals about how the whole spiel would end, but in the end, the family had been imprudently steadfast. I mean, who the hell negotiates with armed people? That girl, apparently.

And thanks to Daryl, they’d gone unpunished throughout the whole thing, only suffering mild emotional trauma from the harsh reality laid upon them. Could’ve been worse.

Now, despite his brother’s conjectures and interrogation of his state of mind and will, Daryl felt somewhat lighter as the cause of his actions.

They were about to drive away, Merle at the wheel, when Daryl saw something that made his jaw literally drop open with an almost audible pop.

“Gotta be fucking kidding me…” he whispered, taking his feet off the dashboard and sitting up straight.

Merle turned his attention to him and looked in the rear-view mirror, letting out a whoop at what he saw.

They were gaining on them, running at full speed, but still hindered by their baggage. Daryl felt like smacking himself in the face. The girl led the way, father hot on her heels. She waved one arm in the air to attain their attention.

One by one, they vaulted over the partition, the man stopping to help his wife, and started jogging towards them, past their ‘camouflage’. They stopped by the bed of the truck and leaned against it to catch their breath.

Daryl could only stare, unbelieving. He had done them a favor by leaving! And they had come running after? What was the damage on these people? Did they not understand that they should not be around them? He and Merle were not ideal companions, they wanted nothing to do with outsiders. Those people would only slow them down, and there were limits to his compassion.

He heard the girl talk to her family in a language he didn’t recognize, almost breathless and bending at the waist. She addressed her father in particular, as he didn’t seem at all content with the situation. They argued shortly before the girl said her final words and turned her back on them.

Merle jabbed him in the arm and licked his lips as the girl rigidly approached Daryl’s rolled-down window.

Daryl squinted up at her, her form surrounded by blinding light. She stood there for a few seconds, unspeaking, just staring at him with a deer-caught-in-headlights look. She gave a nervous crooked smile before her lips pursed in trepidation.

Merle leaned forward, about to speak, when a young voice caused her to jump, “For fuck’s sake, talk, you wet sock!” Surprisingly, it had come from the girl with the big wild curls, the sweet looking one, who apparently also had a mouth on her.

The father stepped in front of her, covering her from view. He raised the bat in his hands, twisting them around the weapon in a bone-white grip, the anticipation of violence in his eyes, and mistrust, so much mistrust it gave Daryl the impression he was strictly against what was going on at the moment. That it hadn’t been his idea.

It had most likely been the girl’s, she had been the involuntary advocate for her family before. Whatever the plan was this time, whatever had brought them back, it would’ve most likely had been her idea. Which was ridiculous, why were they going along with it? Either she’d had a very good justification for doing such a stupid thing or they were all idiots.

He turned his gaze from the side view mirror and focused on her. He was starting to get impatient. Was she or was she not going to talk?

“Um…” she started. Well, it was something. He was about to snap at her to get a move on when she continued. “I know you said you uh, you didn’t- or wouldn’t take us to the city. And we completely understand why!” She raised her hands and waved them in dismissal.

Daryl saw the red staining the tips of her fingers and remembered how she’d killed the biter; the bow was on her shoulder but she had no quiver, it had likely been decorative, Daryl thought, and she was using it as a club. But why and how did she have such an item if they hadn’t found out about the end of the world until not an hour ago? A bat was understandable, but a bow? Her words brought him back.

“But I-  _we_  were discussing and thought that since you seem to not uh, or rather,” she seemed to contemplate her sentence. He could sense her nervousness from where he was sitting, see the beads of sweat forming on her golden brown skin and rolling down. “Imma start over!” She shook her head dismissively and made a rewind gesture with her hands and Daryl could’ve laughed if the situation and his mood allowed for it.

She took a deep breath, sneaked a glance at her family impatiently waiting and on alert, and looked down on him with rich cinnamon brown eyes filled with a mixture that was two-parts anxiety and one-part tenacity. The look caused him to straighten in his seat and sharpen his ears to her words, no matter how impatient he had grown.

“You clearly don’t need our supplies, I know that, I saw your stuff in the back but I’d already kinda guessed it,” she started with slowly growing confidence, “And we thank you for telling us about the city, really, thank you.” She accentuated the words by nodding earnestly, eyes wide and staring straight into his own, and Daryl felt a hot flush creep up his neck. Not trusting his mouth, he nodded.

“And thing is, we only have ourselves to offer. Uh, I mean, not _ourselves_ ourselves, I mean as in, safety in numbers and all that, you know?” She glanced at her feet, cringing, before gathering herself again and straightening up. “So the new offer is, take us with you, wherever it is you’re going, and we’ll look out for you if you look out for us,” she finished in a somewhat stronger tone and steeled herself in her spot for a response, her fingers fidgeting, picking under the short nails for residual blood.

“Very well, young lady, the court will now go over the motion,” Merle said, leaning in to see through Daryl’s window, elbowing him and smirking up at her with a wink that made Daryl’s skin crawl.

There were many times when he felt an enormous urge to smack Merle for all the shit he said and did, and he was his own brother, now imagine if he wasn’t. If she was smart, she would turn back around and leave. Permanently.

Unruffled, she narrowed her eyes and rested a hand above the window while leaning in. “Don’t make fun of me,” she said, her voice low and somehow intimidating, but pleasant?

It only made Merle whoop in excitement.

She walked off to stand in front of the truck, arms crossed, a glare like she was trying too hard. Daryl could see her hands shaking where they gripped her biceps.

The rest of the family walked by to stand with her and started talking quietly among themselves. The father made sure to stand facing them head on, and his ever-present glare made Daryl both anxious and angry.

He had done nothing but to help them thus far, and he had the audacity to look at him like that. But it was wise of him to be wary, let at least one of them have the common sense of not trusting every stranger that crosses their path. Very rarely did strangers have good intentions, them included.

Safety in numbers… that wouldn’t be a bad idea if he and Merle weren’t already good as they were.

They didn’t need anybody else. Unexperienced as they were, it would be more babysitting than looking after one another. They didn’t need them fumbling about, being careless, getting them into unnecessary danger. Not to talk about the drain of resources; what they had was great for both of them, add five more people to the equation and not so much.

Following his logic, it was a clear no go.

Merle brought Daryl’s focus back, “…and we get ‘em alone, take out the big nig-”

“The fuck you on ‘bout, man?” Daryl furrowed his brows. The sunlight coming in through the window grew immensely hot on his exposed arm and he retracted it.

Merle’s lecherous smile grew. “I’m talking about making sweet, sweet love to big-jugs, baby brother.” He jerked his head in the direction of the mother, the ends of her bob swishing back and forth as she raptly engaged in the hushed chit-chat of the circle. Her husband noticed the gesture with his gaze like that of a hawk and Daryl could swear the man’s form would explode if he tensed any further.

“You gone daft?” Daryl cursed his brother’s inappropriate libido. Another of the reasons they should just leave.

Merle raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I’m sorry baby brother, you want ‘er? ‘Cause I’ll just as gladly stick it in sweet cheeks, or between the sweeter cheeks of-”

“You’re disgusting, man, ain’t nobody sticking it in anybody.”

“There goes that bleedin’ heart again, Daryl. You ain’t telling me what to do here, you hear me!” Merle snapped, running out of good humor.

“It’s fucking human decency.”

“To hell with that, I have my needs. Who the fuck gives a shit about human decency anymore when there’s barely any damned humans left?”

“You rather be one o’ them mindless shits?”

“Now, listen here, you wanna play champion to them negros, go right ahead, but if they turn against us, that’s on you!”

Daryl stared at his brother’s profile, his features twisted in animosity. He took a moment to quickly digest his words. Would they turn against them? The father seemed to always be on edge, but more out of protectiveness than anything else. If everyone kept to themselves and crossed no boundaries, there would be no reason for mutiny. But no, he had already drawn the line, they wouldn’t be joining them, it was the logical thing to do.

His eyes caught the glint of the girl’s bow and briefly met her eyes. She looked so hopeful. His resolve faltered for a second.

They didn’t have any more time to think things through or discuss matters.

Daryl heard them before he saw them; a group of two dozen biters, if not more, emerged from the forested area, making towards them, probably had caught their scent in the sweltering heat.

There was no other choice, then. He leaned out his window and slapped his hand on the truck to bring the family’s attention to him and he gestured to the biters and then to the back of the truck. “Hurry up and get on, we gotta get the hell outta here.”

Merle, getting on par with the situation, cursed under his breath, glared one last time at his brother and once everyone had hastily climbed climb onto the bed of the truck, making it dip every time, he started the engine and put his foot to the pedal, leaving the damned biters grasping at their dust.

Daryl heard vague exclamations of surprise and relief in that language he didn’t understand through the window separating the cabin and the back. He looked over his shoulder to see through it, to make sure they weren’t sitting on their stash or doing anything they shouldn’t.

He was met with the girl’s brown gaze, as she sat closest to the partition, and she smiled gratefully at him. He nodded in acknowledgment and faced forward.

He felt both chagrined and relieved for defying his own reasoning and going with his instinct.

He had no idea why he was so keen on defending those people from his brother’s ill intentions, and the world itself and its cruelties, but he was following his gut feeling and it had never wronged him before.

He just hoped it wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	6. night's watch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what?! finals are doneeee, i’m a free bitchhh

 

oOo

Diana watched the skyline of the city grow ever fainter with every jostling bump in the road. The low sun beat down on them, warming flesh and metal, and Diana had to wonder if it was that or the nerves that were causing her to sweat so excessively.

It would’ve been nice to know where they were going or if they were even headed anywhere in specific, but she didn’t have the guts to ask, and could only hope her parents’ suspicions were wrong. Entertaining the thought made her stomach clench with fear, which was nauseating in addition to the bumpy ride.

No one opened their mouth for the entire ride. Diana kept her ears alert to the front, but the two brothers were probably aware that she could overhear anything they chanced to say.

She really hoped she hadn’t been too rash in trusting them. Now that the deed was done, all these doubts kept nagging her, adding to her anxiety.

The bow hummed pleasantly in her tight grip. _No worries_ , it seemed to convey. No worries.

She wanted to laugh. She was taking pseudo advice from an inanimate object, but the hum genuinely calmed her down, so she couldn’t care less and took what she could get. For lack of better resources, she spat a bit on the hem of her button-up and used that to clean off the dried blood from the bow, nose scrunched in disgust. The first thing she’d do after getting off the truck would be taking that top off.

They drove for a long time, the sunlight casting a blinding golden glow over them that had them shielding their eyes. After completely losing the city from sight, they took smaller side roads which led back to the forest.

Diana sighed - back into the woods with them. How much forest was there in Georgia anyway? But this place was much farther away from where they’d camped at, in the complete opposite direction.

They passed by a small wooden cabin with a plaque announcing its name; it looked uninhabited, and also like something out of a horror movie, but then again, every cabin in the woods looked out of a horror movie to Diana, so she was biased. To her relief, they drove down past it, not stopping at the designated parking spot.

Diana noticed her father perk up and look around them, scouting for danger, drawing a mental map. His head snapped from side to side like that of an owl, and Diana almost feared he’d give himself whiplash.

They finally reached their apparent destination; a small clearing, only about twice the size of the truck, a fire pit right at the center of it. ‘Rifle’ drove around it and parked so that the truck would be facing the exit, ready to skedaddle should the need arise.

Everyone was on high alert, scanning the area, searching for unnatural movement among the trees, any glimpse for proof of another human being or beings, even the undead kind, since that was now apparently an option.

Diana was hyper aware of every little chirp of a bird and rustle of the foliage. She went into fight-or-flight mode, blood rushing in her ears and pulsing in the tips of her fingers, adding to the bow.

Sam dropped down and motioned everyone to do the same, helping Irene by the waist.

Diana lingered a bit, hoping to eavesdrop on the two brothers, but they kept their silence until they climbed out.

Once everyone was on firm ground and facing each other, the silence grew awkward and tense.

Diana was waiting for someone to say something, anything, but she knew that nothing would come from her parents’ side, so it would either fall down to her or the two brothers.

Her heart fluttered, still beating wildly and the sweat forming on her brow made her oddly aware of the grime on her skin, which was her brain’s way of deflecting from the issue at hand.

She tried to summon the charm and polite friendliness she used with her patients and cleared her throat audibly.

Eyes turned to her, and she felt heat creep up her neck and settling on her cheeks. The warning gaze of her dad, in particular, made her squirm in place, but she swallowed the lump in her throat and whispered, “ _Someone’s gotta say something, n’é? Or you wanna stare lovingly at each other the rest of the day?_ ”

She saw her mom open her mouth to protest, but before the woman could get her word in, Diana took a step forward, past her dad, and stuck her hand out to the two men. She looked at them expectantly, a smile struggling to stick to her lips.

“I’m Diana. Lobo,” she said with a small voice and cleared her throat again, cursing herself for sounding so insecure. “I know it’s kinda late…? Maybe? To introduce ourselves properly, but I- uh, think we should try to... try to…” Fuck, she drew a blank on what she’d been planning to say, shit! “…We should start over, I think,” she finished lamely and felt like slapping herself.

She just had a way with words, didn’t she? Where did her eloquence go?

When none of them shook her hand, she let it fall to her side dejectedly, wiping the sweat on her jeans, and shifted her weight, face burning like a fever, eyes anywhere but on them. The purr of the bow did nothing to ease the discomfort.

The older of the two, with his close-cropped hair and face like he was recovering from a sunburn, barked out a laugh and nudged his brother on the side. “C’mon, boy, throw the poor girl a bone, I’m startin’ to feel sorry for her.” Did his voice always sound mocking?

They introduced themselves shortly as Merle (‘Rifle’) and Daryl (‘Crossbow’), but exchanged no more pleasantries than that, as if they weren’t worthy enough to know their last name.

Diana uncomfortably introduced her family and added, “If we’re gonna like, stick together, we should make an effort to-uh, get to know each other, maybe?” in hope that would ease the distrust in the air.

It seemed cliché to think that way, but any good team functions best when you can trust each person with your life, in this case, very literally so. It would be hard because they barely knew each other and their first meeting hadn’t exactly been one to tell your grandchildren about, but maybe, just maybe, eventually they would get there. It felt as likely as a miracle. Then again, Diana had thought the same of something like her bow, but there it was, her personal miracle.

“Oh, I intend to get to know you better, sweet cheeks,” Merle drawled while licking his lips and leering at her with a twinkle in his eyes, “don’t worry your pretty lil head ‘bout it.”

Diana’s nose scrunched at the pet name and her stomach turned, but she didn’t deflate, even when she heard her father seethe behind her, his hissed ‘ _filho da puta_ ’ cutting gravely through the tension. She could imagine him being restrained by her mother, like a wild dog on a _very_ thin leash.

“I don’t think you wanna do that,” Diana responded, hoping he’d catch her drift, ‘ _for your own sake_ ’. Behind her, Sam released a long string of swears and violent threats.

Diana glanced at Daryl, expecting him to be upset at the threat on his brother, but the man seemed to actually be on the verge of smiling while trying very hard not to.

When he’d had enough of watching him struggle to maintain his cool, he turned to her, “Damn, call off your guard dog, won’t ya? We ain’t savages,” he said in what Diana guessed was the local accent, but less pronounced, “We’re losing daylight, we gonna set up camp for the night and leave at sunup. Y’all up for that?”

Diana hurriedly translated for her parents. Irene and Sam shared one of the many looks that Diana didn’t recognize and the latter nodded in agreement, although the scowl on his stubbled face showed he was none too happy about it.

But they didn’t have much else of a choice, did they?

oOo

Despite her weak attempt at wanting everyone to get to know each other better, as soon as the final distributions of work had been done, no one made an effort to talk to anyone else, and it was frustrating to no end.

Diana was already shit at initiating social interaction, and if the other person, or people, didn’t even attempt to make an effort, things would never move forward.

They changed out of their soiled clothes, the women doing so in the ‘privacy’ of a human barrier, and Diana even let them share on her no-longer-secret reserve of baby wipes. After that, she and the kids went gathering firewood, while Sam and Irene stayed back to set up camp and simultaneously keep an eye on the brothers since Sam didn’t trust any of his children nor wife alone with them _._ _Take the bow with you_ , Sam had warned, _but shout if you need help and I’ll come running_.

They kept quiet and vigilant and didn’t dare venture far from the camp nor each other, in fear that someone or something did find them.

Back at the camping site, they dumped each’s share of tinder and kindling into the fire pit and let Merle light the fire. He struck a match and fed it dry leaves until it swallowed them and the orange and red flames licked at the branches in a warm and crackling display.

The brothers ate hungrily from tin cans they’d warmed by the fire, the undefinable contents and loud slurping sounds made Diana queasy, upsetting her stomach even further. She caught Daryl’s eyes from over the flames as he licked his fingers and quickly looked away, feeling like an intruder of his privacy.

Irene and Sam impaled their three last bratwursts on some sticks and held them over the fire. They cooked slow, the skin blistering and charring in some places, but the meaty flavor filled every corner of her mouth and satisfied her grumbling stomach, and by the time everyone had eaten their share, the light of dusk was shining its last through the trees, giving it an ominous look, making every little critter skittering through the underbrush sound scarier than it should.

The warmth of the day gave in to a chilly night and they were forced to put on something warmer.

The fire was nothing but glowing embers by then, and the brothers sat with their backs to it, whispering, their forms involved in shadow.

“I don’t fucking trust them,” Sam whispered after taking a swig of water with his pill. He stuffed his medication back into Diana’s backpack and shook the canteen to check the sloshing contents; that one was about a third from being empty.

Irene nodded in agreement, tucking her handbag behind her backpack. “Me neither. They’re always whispering about something, always with their secrets,” the woman said with a frown and a subtle glance in their direction. “Maybe we shouldn’t have come with them.” Sam sputtered, widening his eyes at her in disbelief. Irene slapped his arm. “Shut up, _amor_. I mean what I said before, but they still make me uneasy.”

Diana rearranged her backpack and leaned sideways against it. “You know, we’re also always whispering about something, doesn’t really mean we’re plotting murder. Maybe they just don’t want us to overhear the hot goss’, ya know?”

“Diana, don’t joke.”

She knew well enough that they hadn’t had the best of intentions, but the difference between her way of handling and her parents’, was that she was willing to give them the benefit of doubt, a chance to prove themselves, while they simply wrote them off as irredeemable.

“Hell, even I know we gonna be looking over our shoulder all the time if we’re with these guys,” Alice supplied.

“Yeah, well, we’re here. That means you trusted them enough to make that decision.”

“I didn’t trust them,” Irene confessed, “I trust you.” ‘don’t make me regret it’ Diana’s brain added, even though there was nothing but encouragement in her mom’s eyes. ‘If this goes wrong, it’s all your fault.’

_Shut up, I get it._

Felix shoved his hood over his head, squeezing down the locs. “The Merle dude gives me the creeps, the way he was loo-”

Diana jabbed him on the side to shut him up, but it was too late, Sam was already looking undoubtedly murderous.

“I swear to fucking god, he tries anything, so much as looks at any of you wrong ever again, I will kill the motherfucker. I will wring his fucking white trash neck with my bare hands. I will-”

“We get it, _pai_ ,” Diana interrupted with a small voice and gulped dryly. She wanted to say that he wouldn’t, that something like that would never happen, but she didn’t want to make promises that weren’t up to her to keep.

She really, really hoped the brothers didn’t try anything, she didn’t want their blood on her dad’s hands, because she was 100% sure he’d make good on his threats.

It took some coaxing from Irene to get him to relatively calm down, and then both came up with a shift schedule to keep watch. They had refused that Diana be part of it. They didn’t outright say it, but she knew they thought she was biased, and so, only both of them were part of it; they would take turns of three hours and then switch.

Sam would be up first.

According to Diana’s wristwatch, they lied down to sleep at about 22:30, give or take. The tree canopy allowed for the moon to peek through, so they weren’t completely immersed in darkness.

 _Ah, there she was_ , Diana thought, looking up at its silver glow, the absolute love of her life.

With that in mind, the surroundings didn’t feel so eerie and she tried to allow her body to unwind and relax, but it didn’t work, not at all. The more she tried to blank her mind and try to fall asleep, the more the day’s events sprang to surface and brought unwanted reactions with them, things she was trying to keep on lockdown for a while.

She heard Felix’s soft sobs and felt him tremble against the small of her back. Her throat burned and the back of her eyes prickled. She wanted to comfort him, but what good would she be if she was on the verge of breaking down in tears herself.

To a bit of relief, she heard Alice’s voice shushing him, whispering softly ‘it’s okay, it’s not okay but it’s okay, you get me?’ and so on. The girl despised this sort of thing, but the effort was even more valiant because of that fact.

Diana turned onto her back. From the corner of her eyes, she could make out the silhouette of her two siblings in an embrace as the bigger shape shook in the smaller one’s arms. The crying awoke Irene as if by magical call, and she traded places with Alice.

“Shhh, you’re okay, _papito_ , I’m right here, _mami_ ’s here with you,” they sounded like the words to coddle a crying baby, but they sounded so right, so warm and comforting, that Diana heard Alice shuffle closer and saw her dark shape cuddle up to her mother’s side without a word.

Sam’s hand emerged from the dark to pat down on Alice’s curls, the girl trying to disguise a sniffle, and he leaned down, the sound of a kiss, and Irene’s “I’m alright, _mi corazón_.”

Diana stared up at the small clusters of stars she could see and took shallow shuddering breaths to calm herself down.

If she’d felt homesick at the beginning of the day, there were no words to describe how she felt now. She wanted nothing more than to go back home with her family. She wanted to lay down on her soft bed and laugh and tell her best friend Mariana how crazy boring those past two weeks had been.

She wanted all of it to be fictitious, unreal, a hoax. She wanted the world to be back to its normal, tedious ways, and she would go back to her normal, tedious life, and she would wake up tomorrow and the worst thing that could happen was having to care for a grouchy patient or having a colleague call in sick or even accidentally giving out the wrong medication to the wrong patient.

She wanted for Alice and Felix to live long and happily, and for her parents to die peacefully of old age surrounded by their kids and future grandkids.

But who cares about what she wanted, right? The Universe wasn’t so kind as to give a fuck, it just did what it did.

The skies became blurry as tears filled her eyes. She had ignored the emptiness but now it threatened to swallow her whole. The heartache was too great, a physical pain in her chest. Everything came tumbling down.

And she cried, curled into a tiny ball, frame shaking and quiet sobs muffled to whimpers by her hands covering her mouth.

She berated herself for it; tomorrow would be different, tomorrow she would be stronger, but for now, she let herself wallow in self-pity and sorrow. She let it all out until she was emotionally and physically exhausted and fell asleep to the slow and deep beat of her heart, the soft hum of the bow at her side and the pale moonlight above.

oOo

Diana awoke later in the night to whispers and someone shuffling around.

The sky was dark and speckled, the moon no longer over them, the embers from the fire had long been extinguished.

She tuned her ears, stifling her breath and lying still; there was something in her backpack poking her behind the ear and it was uncomfortable.

Sam was switching shifts with Irene, she heard him ask once more if he should keep her company, but Irene whispered back that that would defeat the purpose of the watch and sent him to rest with a kiss. There was a sleepy whimper from Alice as Sam took his wife’s place.

Diana waited, shivering slightly in her hoodie, and soon she heard her dad’s snoring start up. She wondered if it would attract attention. She sniffled, the tip of her nose and fingers cold, and rose on her elbows, rubbing the spot behind her ear. She rubbed her face free from the stiffness the salty tears had left on her skin.

Being on the outermost part of the semicircle they’d formed, Diana faced only trees, seeing deep into the dark forest. She started at the sudden hoot of an owl and turned until she could see her mom’s silhouette, sitting with her back to the truck to see from all angles.

Across the fire pit, by the end of the truck, Diana could only make out one figure, which meant one of the brothers was keeping watch as well. She could’ve guessed they would.

An idea started taking form in her mind.

She tried to inconspicuously lean over to squint at the lump, trying to identify it without rousing suspicion.

“What are you doing?” The faint whisper startled her and she scrambled to sit up, jamming her palm into a pebble in the process. The whites of Irene’s eyes twinkled down at her from her post and Diana held her injured hand to her chest, rubbing the indentation to try and ease the pain.

Sam’s words from earlier echoed in her head, _don’t approach them and never ever find yourself alone with any of them_.

“I gotta pee,” Diana whispered back, heart fluttering at the lie.

“Want me to go with you?” Irene asked and prepared to wake Sam to replace her when Diana shook her hands in dismissal.

“No, no, it’s okay, I’ll be close by.”

“You sure? I can go.”

“I’ll be fine, _mami_ , the only thing that can happen is me tripping on a root.” She stood quietly and, with a warning from Irene, took the bow with her. She wouldn’t be able to see what the hell she was shooting, but if it eased her mind, so be it.

She disappeared around the truck and took a moment to breathe deeply. _Shit._

What now? If Merle was on watch, she could forget it; of the two brothers, she trusted him the least. No way in hell she would go talk to him in the middle of the night. She didn’t know if he had rapey tendencies, but his sexual innuendos until now had been enough to make her inner alarms go off, and she didn’t want to risk it by giving him the perfect setting.

Daryl gave off a different vibe. He was still rude and painfully blunt, but she appreciated his honesty, and she knew no matter how rude he was to her, he would never be able to surpass Alice on that aspect. He felt genuine. She had no idea how or why, but by looking at him she had the feeling that he always spoke the truth, that he was easy to trust.

Shit, please let her parents be wrong about her blind naivety.

Another deep breath, a reassuring thrum resonating through her body, and she was semi-ready to go through with her dumb, ill-advised plan, as they all seemed to be. She needed to work on her track record.

Diana tiptoed to the back of the truck, where she saw the single orange glow of a cigarette. She almost sighed in relief when she saw it was Daryl. Still, her heart was almost about to give out and she _still_ needed to work up the courage to talk to him; the anxiety was taking a toll on her.

She tightened the hoodie around her neck by the ties, going through the conversation starters in her mind, picking something that didn’t sound as ridiculously embarrassing as she felt. Her next step happened to be louder than before, which alerted Daryl to her presence and she found herself with a crossbow pointed between her eyes.

She had time to stop a squeak from leaving her throat and put her hands up in surrender. “It’s me, it’s Diana,” she whispered desperately, eyes traveling from the weapon to his darkened face. He took a drag from the cigarette in his mouth, and the small orange dot shortly illuminated them.

She could now see his eyes narrowed in suspicion, probably as he tried to figure out her reason to be there.

Very slowly and cautiously, Diana used her free hand to lower the aim of the crossbow, and he took the hint and let the weapon hang at his side.

oOo

“What d’you want?” Daryl whispered loudly and moved back to his perch on the back of the truck. He took a long drag before offering the cigarette to the girl, Diana, as she gingerly came to his side.

She shook her head and stood there, looking small and unsure in the darkness his eyes had already adjusted to. It seemed like the bow never left her hands. She wrung her hands around the grip before looking up at him.

“I wanna- I need to be sure of something,” she started, not wasting time beating around the bush, he appreciated it, but wondered where in hell she was going with that.

“What do I got to do with it?” he snapped. If she thought they’d be all chummy just because he’d helped them once or twice, she was dead wrong. Even if he was sure she was going against her father’s direct orders just by being there, talking to him.

His stomach clenched. Daryl could pride himself on not being easily intimidated, he’d gone through enough shit in his life to be affected by threats and glares; he’d grown a thick skin at a young age. Hell, his own father had been the first person he’d built a resistance against. So, why was it that the paternal rage and protectiveness of this girl’s father, Samuel, made him hesitate before speaking up?

Not to confuse it, he would still confront the man, if need be, but he would never, ever provoke him thoughtlessly and just for fun like his brother had the tendency to do.

He respected him, he realized. From the get-go, he had begrudgingly developed respect for the man.

He was bitter over the fact that he didn’t mind their presence, despite his best reasoning, and he was doing his best to deny that fact. His only solace was the prospect that they’d be spared from Merle’s idiocy by finding and joining another group of their own volition. That way they’d be gone and he wouldn’t feel guilt over it.

Diana rubbed the side of her neck, breaking Daryl out of his thoughts. She stepped a little closer and he could see her face in the dimness of the night. The whites of her eyes were bright in the fading moonlight as she faced him, ready to state her case.

He was growing impatient, but before he could ask her a second time, she spoke up, “I need to be sure that- that if you abandon us, if you- I don’t know, change your minds or whatever.” She took a deep breath, and her next works were somewhat shaky through the tone of authority, “I have to know you’ll leave my dad’s meds behind.”

Daryl hadn’t expected that; he thought she would beg for them not to leave them behind or something similar, although that didn’t fit with the first impression she’d made on him.

“Meds?” What kind of meds? What did he have? Shit, they’d been planning to rob a sick man? That made the guilt twinge even worse in his conscience.

“Yeah, he’s diabetic,” she told him in a whisper that conveyed her determination, “he really needs them. You can take our food, our gear, whatever, just leave that.” In a smaller, pleading voice she added, “Please.”

He had to look away before he did or said something without thinking it. He took another drag and relished briefly on the smoke filling his lungs, the burn in his throat, the warm glow illuminating the girl’s dark skin.

He’d already known they needed their stuff more than he and Merle, and Diana’s words only helped prove it. He’d made his decision long before this conversation took place.

He took the cigarette between his fingers and nodded without looking at her as he blew out the smoke through his nostrils and saw her wave it away from her face.

He said nothing, no spoken reassurance that they wouldn’t be left behind, or robbed, or even murdered in their sleep, only a simple nod. Yet, she took it and ran with it. She didn’t ask anything else of him. She didn’t need anything but the confirmation of a nod…

What was it like to trust people that easily?

How was she able to do it, in this state of the world, where people had more difference of ideas than similarities? Where every stranger meant potential danger, and you had to question every word out their mouth?

He didn’t envy her that, of course not. In fact, he thought it was rather imprudent and foolish of her to be so trusting, so willing to let people close despite not knowing them at all. But the worst thing was, he found himself wanting to deserve that trust.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope my reasoning behind daryl's intentions and actions are clear. he's got his rough edges but he's a nice guy. he doesn't trust people and he doesn't trust the lobos, not yet. but he's starting to respect them, and that's something else. and like i wrote once, his affinity to diana starts when she reminds him of his young self, the way she took the hit, got hurt, but rose above it with stubborn defiance. despite there not being much connecting them, he sees that one tendril of resemblance and it sticks, that's why we'll see him act the way he does in future chapters.
> 
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	7. thanks, gracie hart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw - attempted rape, there's a chapter summary in the end notes if u wanna skip this one

oOo

Diana woke up to the first rays of sunshine on her eyelids, peaceful birdsong, and someone heftily kicking her shin.

She sat up hastily, thrashing in confusion, heart rate shooting through the roof, looking around in alert.

Were they being attacked? Her hand felt around for the bow until her vision cleared and focused and the sleep was mostly gone from her eyes.

The coast was clear, there were no zombies in sight and Alice had obviously been the one to kick her leg.

She winced, rubbed her throbbing shin and glared up at the girl, the beginning of a yawn rising up her chest. “Why d’you do that?”

The girl shrugged and offered a hand. “I called a thousand times and you didn’t move. Drastic measures, bruh.” To Diana’s surprise, she didn’t drop her on the way up, but she was sure she was lying, Diana was a light sleeper, any sound usually woke her up.

Up and on wobbly legs, she yawned and stretched thoroughly, her joints popping and her muscles elongating pleasantly, which almost made her yell out in contentment. Good thing she had been so used to sleeping on the ground that it didn’t bother her, and she’d had her pack to rest her head on, so it hadn’t been at all that bad.

But she was still a little chilled, her face felt greasy, her hair was disheveled, and her breath could probably kill small animals. Two of those minor problems were solved quickly by rubbing her face on the sleeves of her hoodie and redoing her ponytail.

Diana took a deep breath. Now back to suppressing all the negative shit, nice and deep into her psyche, piled up next to her shitty self-esteem, mild anxiety, and other unresolved issues that she chose to ignore were there. Ahh, life was a many splendored thing.

Today was a new day and she would be stronger. She was gonna do it, she was gonna exude so much positivity that it hurt, she was gonna be so aggressively upbeat that people would be forced to go along or think that she had some sort of mental damage or was having a breakdown.

She’d been pretending to be many things for years, this would just be another one of them. She didn’t want her parents to worry about her, she wanted them to know that she could handle what was going on, that she could deal with it and was ready to be a productive member of the new society, however its state.

It was such a ridiculously ‘Diana’ thing to do that it might actually work.

She grabbed her bow, hauled her backpack and messenger bag with her and joined her family by the back of the truck, where they were putting away their belongings, greeting them with a voice deep with sleep, “G’morning.”

“Those are for the morning.” Sam’s response felt so normal, that it almost felt like everything had been a dream.

She put her things away. “It’s barely after dawn, I think I’m right this time.” Diana punched his arm weakly with a challenging raise of her brow.

Sam started bouncing around, dropping into a boxing stance, poking at Diana’s sides, throwing feints, making her squeal as she tried to defend herself and retaliate.

“You’re so mean! _Mami_ , _pai’s_ being mean to me.”

“ _Ay, igual que niños tontos, que Dios me ayude_.” Irene rolled her eyes and fished inside Diana’s bag for her husband’s meds and then hers for food.

“She just ignores me, is this supposed to be the love of a mother?”

Sam grinned and pulled her to him to plant a purposefully slobbery kiss on her forehead, the stubble scratching her skin, making her cringe and shove him away to clean off the wet spot. He laughed like it was nothing and took the pill Irene held to his lips, swallowing it down with water from the flask she pressed to his hand.

Alice’s sneer of disgust dropped while she accepted a hair tie from Felix and finished tying her afro into a puff, and she looked around, rubbing her tired biceps. “Merle and what’s-his-name still gone, huh?”

Felix shrugged, zipping up his hoodie and pulling the drawstring into a bow. “ _Keine Ahnung, Kolleg’_ , they left at the crack of dawn’s ass, but left everything, sooo...probably not far from here.”

“Figures,” Irene whispered and started dividing nutty protein bars in half and distributing them.

Maybe she thought they wouldn’t notice, but Alice pointed it out, “You barely got anything for yourself.”

“I’m not hungry, _mija_. You eat it.” Irene broke off another piece of her half and fed it to her husband, who tried to refuse with a distinct look of disapproval on his face. “You too, _amor_ , your blood sugar. You know I don’t eat a lot in the morning. Just wish I had some coffee.”

Felix’s stomach rumbled, but he didn’t hesitate to take a single bite off his bar and forcefully shove the rest in his mom’s mouth, holding it close by the jaw against her protests and forcing her to chew.

She slapped his hands away and tended to her jaw after swallowing, frowning. “ _Ay_ , you shouldn’t’ve done that, you’ll get hungry.”

Felix raised an eyebrow. “And you won’t? What’s that logic, _mãe_? You think being a mom makes you immune to starvation?”

“Might as well, you know I’d take from my own mouth to feed you. You won’t starve as long as I live if God allows it.”

“Shut up,” Alice said without conviction and ate her portion appreciatively, knowing her mother meant those words.

oOo

The two brothers returned from the forest by the second time someone mentioned their absence as if summoned.

They were fully armed and from Daryl’s hands hung three rabbits and a squirrel, and Diana’s stomach protested the measly bar.

She eyed the critters as the brothers strutted past without a single word of greeting. Merle dropped down the firewood he’d collected and started a fire, while Daryl skillfully skinned and gutted the animals before the Devil could blink.

Alice joined Diana in the staring, leaning heavily against the truck. “Damn, I wish I could eat some o’ that, too.”

Diana hummed in agreement. She was basically salivating by the time the warm meaty smell of the roasted rabbits reached her nose.

“The fuckers are doing it on purpose,” Sam grumbled and his stomach voiced an equal complaint.

Taunting them with the smell and too much meat for just the two of them; it was cheap.

Diana wondered if she could also go hunting, but her lack of skills warned her otherwise. She was jolted out of her thoughts by Alice’s elbow on her ribs. After an aggressive ‘what?’, the girl responded by gesturing with her hand, which Diana followed to Daryl, who apparently had called her.

Sam perked up and stood in front of her, breaking visual contact. Diana sighed at her dad’s protectiveness, it’s not as if the man could kill her by looking at her.

Daryl looked positively uncomfortable under his glower, tilting his head to ask her to come to him. “C’mere.”

Though it would’ve made no sense, in Diana’s confusion, she almost pointed at herself and asked if he meant her. Of course he meant her, dumbass. But why? What did he have to say that couldn’t be said to all? It made her feel nervous and anticipant of a sudden.

“ _Sam, for God’s sake, you’re exactly two steps behind her, what’s he gonna do, kill her_?” Irene asked rhetorically.

Diana stepped off to the edge of the camping site with Daryl, leaving Merle and her family to awkwardly stare at each other, probably asking the same questions as her.

“What is it?” she asked in a whisper, brow furrowed in confusion.

The light of dawn filtered through the trees, giving Daryl a fresh look, his short strands of hair appearing golden, and his eyes a cherubic shade of baby blue. He seemed to be searching for words, so she waited patiently while crossing her arms to fight off the chill.

After a few more silent seconds, Daryl finally disclosed, “I caught some more if y’all want it…” Diana widened her eyes, and he was quick to add, “Wasn’t countin’ on it, just happened to come ‘cross another one on the way back. We could keep it for the road but if y’all hungry…”

“Oh my God, fu-, for real?” she knew she sounded too excited over a piece of meat, but she was _hungry_ , and her family would surely have no qualms with accepting the white flag disguised as a meal. “Thank you so much, man. I can give you one our protein bars in exchange if you want?” Diana smiled crookedly at him, hopeful.

He shook his head and brushed past her. “Nah, keep your bar.”

Diana almost skipped back and excitedly explained the deal to her family. After the initial suspicion Sam harbored towards anything they had to offer, and after being enticed by the meat all but waved in their faces, the Lobos sat down by the fire and each received a cleaved portion of the forest critters.

The silence was understandable since they were eating, but despite that, the atmosphere was so painfully strained that it hurt to breathe.

Diana chewed and threw an expectant look at Alice and Felix, but both shrugged. Why wouldn’t anyone say anything? Even awkward but polite chit-chat would be okay. Why was it always up to her to embarrass herself in order to make things less unpleasant?

She looked at her food and cleared her throat. “There’s _hare_ in my food.” A rabbit pun, wow, A+ creativity right there, bringing out the gold. “But I have no other _hop_ tions, so I don’t _carrot_ all.” Why was she born with a mouth?

Diana pursed her lips and closed her eyes in silent acceptance of the groans and ‘god nos’ from her siblings and felt like crawling under a rock.

“ _What did you say_?” Sam asked and simultaneously a single chortle of muffled laughter reached Diana’s ears.

When she looked up, she was sure she must’ve imagined it, because there was no one laughing. She glanced at Alice with a raised eyebrow, and the girl gestured with her head to Daryl. Diana tilted her head, brow almost to her hairline and Alice nodded emphatically, puff wiggling back and forth on top of her head.

Diana eyed Daryl as he crudely bit into his meal and avoided both her gaze as well as Merle’s amused and sardonic one.

oOo

When they were done eating and everyone was licking their fingers, bellies more or less full, Merle brought out a map of the area and had the _kindness_ to ask Diana if she and her parents would like to weigh in on their next destination.

It’s not like they knew the area at all, but at least the courtesy was there. Maybe this day would mark the beginning of some semblance of amity between them. I mean, they’d already shared a meal, it could only go forward from there, right?

The seven stood around the bed of the truck, poring over the map while Diana translated back and forth.

When she thought her bladder was about to burst, she excused herself and charged Alice with the translating. She dismissed her mom’s warning with a wave of her hand; she wouldn’t be long nor far, there was no need to worry.

She went into the trees and only far enough so no one back at the site could hear her and searched around for some leaves before dropping her pants to do her business behind a wide tree. Birdsong made for good background music when one was peeing, but it didn’t help with the paranoia.

Pulling her pants back up, the crack of a twig and the rustle of the underbrush had her heart in her throat, her eyes raking her surroundings. Even though she knew she should hurry back, her feet were stuck to the ground and her body was frozen in fear.

More rustling to her right, away from the camp, and a man came bursting from behind a tree, almost barreling into her still form. He was thin and his clothes were ill-fitting, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Ma’am! Ma’am, please you gotta help me!” his thick southern accent thickened with the urgency in his voice.

Diana blinked herself out of her stupor and held the man upright. “Oh, uh, okay. I just, yeah, I’ll help you. My group is right down here; I can go get some-”

“There’s no time, he’s hurt, he’s hurt real bad!” the man pleaded, tears welling in his sunken eyes.

“Who? Who’s hurt?”

The man tugged on her arm, dragging her weakly along. “My brother, please, I think ‘is leg’s broken, you gotta come quickly!”

Diana felt torn, she wanted to help this man, a broken leg was serious business, especially now, but she knew she had to at least alert her group that she’d be gone. The man didn’t leave her much of a choice as he kept pulling her towards the place where his hurt brother awaited help.

Leaves crunched under her feet, and ferns coated in morning dew tickled her exposed ankles. After walking and walking and getting nowhere, Diana asked him if there was still long to go. “I don’t even have any supplies with me,” she added.

“Don’t you worry ‘bout that. Look at that, we’re about there,” he drawled, casual tone ringing an alarm inside Diana’s brain.

She tugged her arm out of his grasp and stopped in place. “Where’s your brother?” she asked, heart racing, voice determined and senses on high alert. “Is there even one, you fucker?”

The man turned to her and smiled, showing off his disgusting yellowed teeth. “Sure there is, darlin’, wouldna lied about _that_.”

He looked over her shoulder and gave a curt nod, and before Diana could turn to see she was grabbed around the middle by a meaty arm while a hand was clamped over her mouth, making it impossible for her to cry out for help. She struggled in surprise, her heart rising in her throat in fear, but couldn’t raise her arms past elbow height.

“Fucking finally,” the skinny man breathed, while the one behind her poked his nose behind her ear, inhaling deeply, making her shiver in disgust. “You know how long I been waitin’ to fuck a pretty lil thing like you?” He grabbed her by the hips and rubbed his pelvis onto hers, making her gag against the unseen man's large hand, who tightened his grip until her already damaged jaw hurt even more. “Yeah, all them ugly cows ‘til now, screamin’ and cryin’ and beggin’. _No, please don’t,”_ he mocked with a thin voice and laughed sordidly, “should count themselves lucky have someone to fuck ‘em.”

Diana twisted her arm and scratched her captor’s arm and tried to jerk her head away from his grasp, but he only tightened his hold, making her breathless. She was already having a hard time breathing only through her nose in such a situation, but with her middle squeezed so tightly, black dots were beginning to dance in her vision.

“Loosen up, she gotta be awake for this. Where’s the fun otherwise?” He moaned in anticipated pleasure and started to unbuckle his belt.

“After our lovely time together, my _brother_ ’d like the pleasure o’ your company, I mean, if tha's alright with ya?” he asked derisively before grabbing his sides in laughter. Loud guffaws from the body behind her rocked her own frame.

Diana felt her eyes sting with unshed tears, panic flooding her mind. Why was shit always happening to her?

Tomorrow would be different, that’s what she had told herself the night before. Yesterday she had cried all she had to cry, she had allowed herself to wallow in self-pity and misery. But not today. Today and tomorrow and all the days after that; she would be strong, or she would try her fucking best to be.

She breathed deeply through her nose, nice and slow, fending off a stress induced asthma attack.

She was aware of herself dissociating, giving place to an awareness of her surroundings and situation with sharp clear-mindedness. Everything about this had screamed ‘TRAP’ in big bold letters… no, she’d have time to chastise herself after she was safe.

There was an opening where her captor’s hand rested loosely over her arm after his brother’s command. She hoped with enough force she’d be able to squeeze her arm out.

If she could somehow stun the man behind her, him clearly being the stronger of the two, then she could attempt to take the skinny one on, and if that didn't work, she'd simply make a run for it and hoped she was going in the right direction.

Something deep from the back of her brain screamed at her, shoving its way to the front:

_SING, fucking SING!_

_Solar Plexus._

Diana stretched and grabbed her captor’s middle finger before pulling back with all her might, hearing a sickening ‘pop’ as it dislocated. He yelled out in pain, releasing her completely. She twisted herself away from him while bringing her elbow only to snap it back to hit the man in what she could only hope was the approximate center of his paunch. She heard him wheeze for breath.

_Instep._

She stomped the heel of her running shoes on the man's foot, putting all her weight on it and he staggered away, yelling and cursing, calling her all sorts of pretty names.

_Nose._

Since he was no longer immediately behind her, Diana turned around to face him and slammed the heel of her open palm upwards into the man's crooked nose, feeling it cave in as a rivulet of blood spewed out, dripping on her hand. He brought his hands to his face, faltering in place.

_Groin._

Diana grabbed his shoulders for leverage and drove her knee straight into the man's tender bits and he fell to his knees.

Diana called out, bringing his attention up to her, beady eyes hazy on her, and she brought her hardened fist down on his jaw, it dislodged from place and he was knocked out cold.

Ow! Fucking _caralho_!

She shook her hand in pain, wincing, but remembered it wasn't over yet.

Adrenaline powering her, Diana faced the skinny man with her heart beating a bruise against her chest. His face was pale as his eyes fixated on his felled brother.

He looked downright comical, with his pants bunched at his ankles and mouth agape. Diana would’ve laughed if she wasn’t so out of it with anger.

She thanked her lucky stars for his distracted state. She called out once more. Once his attention was on her, he squatted hurriedly to pull his pants up. Before he could finish his task, Diana brought her leg in and thrust it out, the sole of her shoe meeting the man's chest and knocking him down while she stumbled back, off balance.

He fell on his back, pants down to his knees and hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, lady, I won't do nothing again, I swear!"

Standing over him, his words reminded her of the women he had claimed to have raped; how they must've begged for mercy and met none. Cold sweat dripped down her neck.

Her skin squirmed as she imagined what he and his brother must've put those women through. Her hands thirsted for vengeance for them.

Oh, she fucking despised rapists.

She was on top of him before he could blink, straddling his torso.

"Did they beg you to stop?" her voice was ice.

She grabbed the collar of his ratty shirt and lifted his head off the ground. She raised a hardened fist.

"Did they? Answer me, _foda-se_!" She swung down on his eye socket, only briefly acknowledging the pain as his head bobbed.

"YES, yes they did," he admitted, his head swaying. Would he beg for himself? Diana wondered. She would make him beg.

"Did you ever stop?" Diana pressed down on his throat with her left hand and brought down her right fist on his cheekbone, the skin tearing upon contact.

"No, I didn't, I didn't, I'm sorry."

"You didn't stop." Another punch, to the temple this time.

"No, I didn't!"

"Beg me, beg me to stop, you disgusting _filho da puta_!" Another, knocking loose a few of his front teeth, where she cut the skin of her knuckles some more.

"Yes, please, stop, I beg you, stop!"

She did. Diana leaned back, hand still firmly holding his throat, and looked him over. The right side of his face was a downright bloody mess; eye swollen shut, the skin of his cheekbone, lip, and eyebrow torn open, and an assembly of blossoming bruises that made his face look like a painter's palette.

The concern she held for human life as a nurse was thrown out the window as she considered the piece of garbage under her.

She leaned into him, fixed him with her most wrathful glare and whispered to his face, "You don't deserve my mercy."

She served a blow to the side of his chin that managed to knock him out.

Once his head rolled to the side in unconsciousness, Diana slid off the guy, disgusted at their proximity.

She dragged herself away from him and sat next to the shell of a fallen log, legs outstretched and sagged posture. She heaved a shuddered sigh that seemed to contain all the emotions of any possible spectrum and rubbed her face on the sleeves of her hoodie, on the verge of hyperventilating and willing the tears away.

She’d never been so fucking scared! Even with zombies being a reality and a new constant threat, this was the most terrified she’d ever been in her entire life. It went to prove that at times of crisis, human kind could go either way; people could turn to one another and tune in on their sense of humanity, or, just like she’d witnessed, they could become the worst version of themselves.

It made her realize how lucky they’d been with Daryl and Merle, even if Merle was a bit sketchy. It wasn’t ideal, but it could’ve been tragically worse, and she guessed she was thankful for that.

She flinched at the pain in her right hand and examined the damage.

The skin on her knuckles was scuffed, bleeding and bruised. She knew how to throw a punch but she was still lucky she hadn't dislocated anything.

She stretched her fingers, opening and closing her hand, and it hurt like a motherfucker.

"Shhh-esus Christ," she whispered and prodded the tender appendage. She shook it off, causing even more pain, and looked at the two fallen men, one of them twice her size.

She'd fought before, but it had never been for her life and she always felt sorry in the end. All things considered, she hadn’t done bad. And right now she couldn’t find it in herself to feel sorry for the damage she’d caused.

She thought of her parents and siblings back at camp. What if instead of her, these pigs had gotten to Alice or Irene?

Alice would've probably fought until there was no breath left in her, she would've made their life a living hell, but she was still too small to stand a good chance against them.

Hell, Diana had been lucky herself that her half-baked plan had actually worked! She’d been mostly powered by anger.

And what if they'd gotten Irene, whose strength was more of the mental kind than the physical?

Diana shook her head of those thoughts and redirected her attention to the rapists. _When they wake up, they might come back_ , Diana thought. Her group needed to be gone from that camp before then, and she needed to be gone from here, now.

She dragged herself to her feet using the log, exhausted, drained and wobbly-legged now that the adrenaline high was over and cradling her injured hand to her chest.

She turned around and came face to face with someone familiar, which caused her to gasp and grasp her chest from the fright.

"What the hell?" Daryl exhaled, his eyes taking everything in before finding Diana, the crossbow vacillating in his grip.

She ignored him, too drained to deal with it, and sidestepped him. He grabbed her by the arm, more gentle than she would have expected from him, and when she winced from the contact with the sore flesh and skin, he let go immediately.

He gestured towards the two men with his weapon, expecting an answer. “The hell happened here?”

“ _Violadores_ , scum,” Diana whispered and avoided his eyes. Her skin crawled where’d they had touched her, the memory of the man’s groin against her threatening tears and bile. She spat out, “Beat the shit outta them.” There was the semblance of pride in her voice, and she used it to ground herself.

Something akin to a literal growl formed from the back of Daryl’s throat, and he turned her to him by her good arm while inspecting her. "Shit, did they-?"

Diana snapped her head towards him, inhaling deeply. "No, not me."

She saw his eyes drop to the hand she cradled. He slung his crossbow on his shoulder and grabbed the appendage carefully, pausing his ministrations whenever she flinched or recoiled.

"Nothing broken, nothing dislocated. Just gonna hurt like hell for coupla days," he told her things she already knew, but she nodded and thanked him nonetheless.

Daryl looked at her for a couple of seconds, accessing her, making her shift in place awkwardly, and then his lip curled in disgust and he turned to the fallen man at their feet, half-undressed, and swung his foot heavily, kicking him in the ribs once, twice, and then the side of his head, until Diana dropped out of her stupor and stopped him with a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

The display might’ve been a vengeful, violent one, but she felt touched by it.

Somewhat still out of it, Diana let him lead the way back to camp since her orientation was shit and shortly after, he broke the silence between them. "How the hell did ya manage that?"

Diana looked him in the eye and couldn't help a tired smile. "Movies and lots of pent-up aggression."

oOo

Back at the camping site, Sam and Irene were on her quicker than a fly on honey, furious, her mom’s rapid mix of Portuguese and Spanish scolding going in one ear and out the other, pulling on said ear until she protested with pain.

Then they turned to Daryl, because somehow, what they had gotten from the scene was that he’d been the one responsible for her disheveled condition.

Sam launched himself at Daryl in his rage, and the younger man meant to protect himself by retaliating, which then got Merle involved, and Diana knew she had to intervene.

Alice had looked somewhat excited at the promise of violence, as had Felix, except the girl had been more exasperated at the childishness of the situation than anything.

Diana had to literally step in between the two men. “ _Pai! Pai! He didn’t do anything! Okay? It wasn’t him._ ” She pushed her father by the chest as Irene pulled back him to her side.

She turned to Daryl and softly pushed him back as well, not wanting to push her luck. She knew her dad wouldn’t hurt her no matter how rough she needed to be to get him to back off, but she didn’t know the same for the other man.

She didn’t insist anymore when he slapped her arm away and started pacing from side to side, eyes sharp on Sam.

“ _What’d he do? What’d he do to you?!_ ” Sam all but shouted, vein pulsating on his neck, knuckles bone-white, clenching and unclenching.

“ _Porra pá, calma pai!_ ” she asked of him, and to Daryl, “Please, don’t provoke him. I’mma fix this,” she whispered as she shuffled in his direction with her hands up, trying to make eye contact.

He glared at her. “Provoke him?! He the one who attacked me!” He faced Sam. “I ain’t done nothing wrong, _hombre_!” To Diana, he said, “Tell him that!”

“I did, okay, I did,” she said softly, mediating. Looking at Merle, unsettled by his quietness, Diana found him gripping a hunting knife in his hand, eyes trained on Sam. “Hey, you’re not gonna need that, ‘kay? Put that shit away,” she told him, fearing her dad getting seriously hurt.

He smiled humorlessly at her. “We’ll see, sweet cheeks.”

“Put. That. Fucking. Thing. Away!” The day had barely started and she was already Done. She’d had enough of this misunderstanding.

“ _Pai, listen, Daryl was the one who helped me, alright? I was out there and there were these guys, they tried to hurt me, but he got there just in time and I got nothing more than this,_ ” she fumed and raised her hand for her dad to see. “ _If it weren’t for him, who knows what would’ve happened. You oughta be grateful, not wanting to pummel his face in!_ ” The lies stung her pride greatly, but it was the best way to have her dad settle his mistrust and show a tip of gratitude to the guy. She wanted things to move forward, not backward.

Her words caused her mom to gasp and swear to God and cradle Diana’s hand and inspect her another thousand times, fearing for her daughter, but scolding her at the same time, saying she shouldn’t have gone out there alone, and that she was always right, and Diana ought to listen to her more.

Diana nodded those warnings away, her subconscious blaming her for everything, and turned to Daryl and Merle. “And you, put a leash on it, will ya?” She glared pointedly at both men.

Merle found her ire funny and chuckled at her, which caused her glare to grow deeper, but he sheathed his knife all the same.

Daryl was about to indignantly respond, but Diana cut him off, whispering, “Don’t. I told him you saved me, or whatever.”

“ _That true?_ ” Sam asked Diana and faced Daryl, “You save her? _Where are the fuckers who did this? I’ll fucking slit their throats!_ ”

Daryl glanced at Diana, confused at the angry, threatening-sounding Portuguese before nodding once at the question he did understand.

Diana heaved a sigh of relief at his cooperation, and to her dad, she answered, “ _They’re gone, okay? That’s all you need to know.”_

Sam’s posture didn’t relax at her words, but he strutted past his daughter, toward a wary Daryl, and offered him his hand to shake.

The younger man considered it for a second and shook it, unsurprised but still taken aback at the firm grip.

“Thank you,” Sam’s voice was accented and resolute. “ _Tell him that I’m indebted to him,_ ” he asked of Diana, who translated. “ _But I fucking find you alone with him again, I’ll make sure not even his own fucking brother can recognize him_.” She didn’t translate that part. Her dad’s protectiveness would never help things if his stance didn’t budge even in face of her lie in their favor.

“’s okay, was nothing.” Daryl was clearly uncomfortable with the sudden shift in attitude in the man. Still, it was better than having them at each other’s throats.

An echoing scream from beyond the tree line interrupted the moment.

“Biters musta found ‘em,” Daryl assumed and looked at Diana, who nodded in agreement.

It was to be expected. They had basically left them a bloody, defenseless buffet in the forest, ripe for the taking. The scent must’ve drawn them in, which meant they, once again, would have to get the hell out of there.

With everything already packed and loaded, they started boarding the truck.

“While I was gone, did you decide the next stop?”

Daryl lent Diana a hand to help her climb onto the back of the pick-up as he answered her question, “Yeah, there’s an abandoned quarry not far from here. Should be isolated enough to be safe for the time bein’.”

Diana nodded and got settled next to the partition while Merle took the wheel and Daryl climbed in the passenger seat.

They drove off, leaving the clearing in their dust.

Back on the road, with the morning sun glaring down on them, Felix leaned in close, interrupting Diana’s nervous chewing of the inside of her cheek, and asked, “Why’d you lie?”

“Lie?” Diana asked innocently, and Alice fixed her with a stare, listening in on the conversation.

“Yeah, lie, you absolute cactus. _Pai_ doesn’t understand English, but Alice and I do. We heard what you said to Daryl.”

“Yeah, well, they need to start trusting each other, don’tcha think?” Diana whispered and looked at both teens with a slow, mischievous smile. “But he doesn’t need to know that.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Ugh, here we go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter summary: the dixons and lobos share food, diana makes lame puns, they’re deciding where to go next and she goes out to pee, a man tricks her into following her (pretending his brother is hurt), they attempt to rape her, she manages to use her pent up aggression and some shit she learned from miss congeniality to escape and beat them down, she makes her parents believe daryl was the one who saved her to get them to trust each other more. that's basically the gist of it
> 
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	8. one hell of a speech

oOo

"We should talk about it." The silence that had reigned over them lasted all of five minutes before Irene broke it.

Diana looked up from the unfocused, unblinking, one-sided staring contest she'd been holding with a particular mud stain on the side of the motorcycle that shared their traveling space.

She blinked at her mother, eyes stinging and immediately filling with tears. She rubbed them with her unhurt hand until stars and random swirls flickered in and out of her field of vision. Her heart fluttered nervously, hoping she didn’t mean what had happened to her while she’d been gone.

She didn’t want to talk about that. Hopefully, she would never have to talk about that.

Sam eyed his wife in silence, naturally furrowed brow knitting closer together until they almost merged, until Felix voiced the thoughts apparent on the man's face.

"’Bout what?" the boy asked, shortly mimicking his father's expression and pushing a loc away that the wind had blown in his face, "There's so much shit going on, _mãe_ , you gotta be specific."

" _Sobre todo_." Irene gestured around them with her arms, almost hitting her husband due to the close quarters. "We haven't really actually talked about how all this affects us. I mean, it’s the end of the world, for Christ’s sake."

"It affects us like it affects everyone else,” Alice stated, unapologetic, and shrugged. “We’re being fucked with. That simple.”

Sam gave a warning look at the swear, but there was no real meaning behind it. Who cared about cussing at this point?

"We were supposed to leave today," Diana chimed in, and turned her gaze to the skies, imagining the airplane they were meant to be on drawing white lines against the great blue expanse. "Now we're stuck here. No plane, no boat, no way of going back home. And what would we even be going back to?"

Irene nodded. "I know it's hard, God knows it's very hard, everything we busted our backs for just… but...we have to name the facts and face them," her voice was melancholic, but she inhaled deeply and carried on, "There are things going on we don’t or can't understand. Things we- we know nothing about. I mean, zombies? _Jesus Cristo_ , I’d sooner expect aliens! But this is the new truth, we can't avoid it. This, this is everywhere."

Everyone agreed with wistful hums and small, dejected nods.

Irene continued with a shuddering breath and emotion in her voice, "We’ll never go back home. That's what we know, that’s a fact. But we have each other – you’re my family, we’re each other's family - and it's sad, devastating, that we will never see the others again-" She stopped to take a deep breath. "The truth is, even if we end up all alone, _Dios nos ayude_ , we _will_ make it through."

The woman looked each member of her family deep in the eye, fierce and dauntless, and spoke her next words with conviction, "If we have to adapt to survive, we will. We don’t know how long this might go on, God might have our work cut out for us, but what we _d_ o know is that this world is different from everything we’ve experienced; it will change us; I have no doubt of that. Maybe more than we expect, maybe not.

In six months, one year, two years, we won’t be the same people sitting here, not entirely. It will happen, it will, we can’t fool ourselves otherwise. And because of that, we need to stay true to our fundamentals. Only so do we stay grounded, only then do we remain human."

Diana's jaw slackened with a loud pop of her lips, and it brought the others out of their amazed stares. Diana cleared her throat. "Well- well said, _mami_."

"Yeah, _amor_. That was... I hadn't even thought about it like that." Sam sounded completely astounded at his wife’s wisdom. Not that he didn't know what she was capable of, just that it had been so insightful and profound and well thought out that it had taken him aback that he hadn't heard word of it until now.

Reflective silence fell over them.

“It’s still shit.”

A few chuckles and the atmosphere was lighter, charged with a strange sense of relief and commitment. They had all been desperate, in one way or another, for answers, for a guiding hand, and Irene's words had lightened some of the heaviness in their hearts and gave them focus, a goal.

The grief over their old lives was still there, carved deep in their souls, but they were aware that being together, anywhere they were would be home. The zombies were still an issue, that much was sure, but they would cross that bridge when they got to it.

Diana sighed, a bit alleviated. God bless her mother, for real. Never in her life would Diana be able to top that motivational speech – mostly because she was a shitty motivational speaker. It had acknowledged their pain and affliction, and given it a purpose; it would be a reminder of what they lost and what they would try their damnedest to hold close and never let go.

The occasional bump in the road caused them to jump in their perches, as well as the objects in the back to rattle loosely, motorcycle included. There were a few times Diana was scared it would tip over and crush them.

She moved around in the small space allowed to her, sitting with her back against the bike, securing it, and putting her legs up to rest on her backpack and the brother’s own stash. That way she could see everything they drove past and still peek at the road ahead through the windowed partition.

A sudden movement of the truck caused her to use her hurt hand to hold herself steady, and she hissed out a string of curses in all languages she knew.

She held the appendage to her chest; she had yet to clean it, and she wanted to bandage it to avoid contact with dirt and germs to her broken skin. Whatever blood there’d been, she’d dabbed away with the shirt under her hoodie, and she could see the small cuts and bruises on her knuckles.

Diana happened to catch her dad's eyes as she grimaced at the world, and he tilted his head at her hand, eyebrows knitting closer together. "You wanna tell me whose bones to break?" His voice was soft and considerate despite his words.

She risked a glance at her siblings, who were aware of her omission of facts, and swallowed the guilt. "Nah, what I said before was the whole gist of it, I guess. Nothing happened, really. I- we… we handled it." She left it at that; the more she talked, the more she would have to lie.

He respected her request, but then scolded her once more, “You shouldn’t have gone alone, we have motherfucking rules for a goddamn reason. You should’ve at least taken the fucking bow, that thing’s there for something, ain’t that right?”

“Yeah, I know.” There was no reason to argue with him, Diana knew whatever she said would go against her.

She knew they did it out of concern and that was one reason why she couldn’t tell them the truth and needlessly make them worry them even more – not to mention give them more reasons to not let her out of their sight, which was ridiculous –, which meant she _had_ to keep lying.

It made her stomach twist. She understood their worry, of course; to their knowledge, their daughter had been attacked and had escaped by the skin of her teeth with the help of one of the strangers they’d met the day before.

But letting her parents know details would only make them aimlessly angry, especially her dad.

Really, what was there to talk about? If she hadn't thought quickly, if the two men had been more physically prepared to retaliate to her attacks or hadn't been caught by surprise by her strikes, she would have walked away with more than just a hurt hand. Probably wouldn't have walked away at all, to be realistic. She could've lost more than her sexual innocence and her integrity and her trust in mankind. The whole ordeal could've cost her life.

A chill down her spine caused Diana to shiver.

She had been stupid to have gone so willingly with such a suspicious stranger. Thinking back on it, he must've watched her go about her bathroom business and waited to ambush her. What a fucking creep.

She’d been so eager to help, to be of worth to someone, that she had foregone safety and had just let herself be dragged away.

Such a fucking moron! If she were a character in a show, she’d be the kind people at home yell frustratingly at the TV about, incredulous about her lack of common sense. Hell, _she’d_ do that. About _herself_.

But even now, after experiencing what she had, she still wanted to believe that most people had at least a bit of goodness inside them, that there was no way everyone could have cruel intentions or a hidden agenda. She saw the world through rose-tinted glasses, she was optimistic at heart. Those were her fundamentals, just like her mom had mentioned.

Did she really want to compromise that?

The answer was no.

But she would build herself stronger around that soft core, she wouldn’t let cruelty affect her idealistic beliefs. It would take time and perseverance, and people continuing to abuse her good will, but she would fight for it. She would fight for herself, for her family and for the smidgen of decency left in the world.

As for now - she clenched her fist - she was satisfied with the knowledge that she had one battle down, and no matter how bad it _could've_ ended, the pain was a reminder that she had _fought_ , and she had _won_.

The sudden switch to gravel under the truck's tires and a rap to the partition brought everyone to alert.

Diana quickly eyed the change in the scenery before focusing on Daryl on the other side of the window.

"We driving up to the quarry now," he informed and his eyes fell to the fist on Diana's lap, cradled by her other hand.

He gave a subtle nod to it, wordlessly asking how she was doing, which she curtly returned, and each pivoted to their previous positions.

Diana heard Alice translate the short sentence to her parents, and mouthed a _thank you_ at the girl for her taking over the interpreting whenever Diana didn’t do it herself. Alice mouthed something back, which Diana only understood by the third time, _go fuck yourself_. She smirked and jokingly mouthed _not here_ , to which Alice cringed and shuddered at and flipped her the bird.

“Hey, by the way, why was _he_ where I uh- where I was?” Diana asked, suddenly reminded and curious, and pointed vaguely at Daryl over her shoulder with her thumb. In all the commotion she’d forgotten to ask.

Irene looked at Sam and they shrugged at each other. “I don’t know, _querida_ , if he said something I don’t remember.”

Diana looked pointedly at her siblings with a raised brow and a half shrug.

“I dunno, he was already gone by the time we realized you should’ve already come back,” Felix remarked, “We didn’t notice ‘cause Merle just talks and talks and talks and only _merda_ comes out of his mouth. Ha, Merle- _merda_ , get it?”

“Good one,” Alice commented, and even Sam seemed amused. “Yeah, I was in the middle of rolling my eyes at Merle’s barely disguised racism when suddenly Daryl was gone like a redneck ninja.”

Diana glanced at the back of Daryl’s head and shrugged off her thoughts. “You know, whatever.”

Diana took in what little she could see of their destination.

She had never seen a quarry live before; it was just a man-made hole in the ground. What could possibly be so impressive about it?

She managed glimpses here and there through some sparse trees on the side of the gravel road that overlooked said hole. She caught a wink of something shimmering on the bottom; something cerulean and flickering with reflections of white sunlight that caught the eye and blinded momentarily.

The trees cleared, and Diana saw a lake deposited at the bottom, like a blue eye staring up at the skies, reflecting whatever it saw.

For something man-made and quite ordinary, Diana saw raw beauty there that made it aesthetically pleasing to her, and she once again regretted not having invested in a solar charger.

A brief glimpse of something metallic reflecting sunlight brought Diana out of her amazed state and made an urgent thought pop up in her mind. She turned to her family and voiced it, "You guys think they're taking us to their group?" Her tone was desperate and words rushed.

"If they have one, it's not gonna be here," Irene relayed calmly, "You sister saw the place on the map. The suggestion came from us."

Diana sighed in relief. "Oh, okay then. It's just, I thought I saw-"

"What the hell?" Sam interjected.

"-that," she ended.

Apparently, they hadn't been the first to think of the quarry as a Haven. Driving down around the curves to the entrance of the plain that overlooked the lake, the first thing they noticed was the vehicles, all spread out throughout the place in a seemingly aleatory way, but upon closer inspection, looked to be covering the weak spots of the field, along the tree line and adding coverage to some of the tents that were set up.

A Recreational Vehicle marked the approximate center of the place and the highest point. A figure stood on top, with binoculars in their hands, watching them.

Driving in, there were tents set up and clotheslines and some fire pits, and the entire place looked absolutely lived in, completed with the people living in it. They had heard them arrive and had come to gawk at them, morbid curiosity and possible alertness forcing them off their routes.

Merle killed the engine, and one by one, everyone climbed out of the truck.

The wave of people, little less than two dozen, met them in front of the pickup; all of them whispering, but none daring to raise their voice in neither greeting nor damning. Diana shied away from their gazes, feeling out of place and unwelcome, and cracked the knuckles of her good hand nervously.

It wasn't until a man strutted his way forward, parting the sea of people like freaking Moses, with a cautious, yet confident gait, that they were verbally acknowledged.

He had a pistol at his waist and an axe swung over his shoulder, in what Diana supposed was an approachable friendly-lumberjack pose, that still managed to intimidate.

"Hey there, strangers." He smiled, pulling his lips over his teeth in a way that reminded Diana of the threatening smile of a dog about to bite. "Name's Shane, what business brings you here?"

oOo

This Shane seemed on the edge of territorial, and Diana had to whisper to her dad to look as non-threatening as possible. She was met with a ‘fuck that’, as expected, and accepted it.

Once again taking the role of mediator, Diana assumed her professional personality, accepted the bow’s thrum of encouragement and swallowed the knot in her throat to introduce her family and the two brothers. She knew it wasn't her place to do so, but she didn't want the brash men to say something that could compromise their welcome.

And if they came to her with complaints later, well, she’d just have to deal with them then.

After names had been exchanged, Shane started asking some questions. Honestly, Diana felt so uneasy under so many eyes, that she hadn’t only not been able to listen to and answer half of them, but also hadn’t managed to bring the words out her mouth without choking on air every two seconds.

Noticing her discomfort, Shane had dispersed the crowd and brought all seven newcomers, plus a woman and child that followed him, to a less populated part of their neat little camp, and there he asked his questions again.

Half of what was said had gone over her head, she just mindlessly translated back and forth without really acknowledging it. There had been something about why they were there and what lead them to find them, but nothing too incriminating. At the end of it, her mom and dad admitted to the family to feeling insulted by his behavior but had no other choice than accept it.

Merle and Daryl had kept their ‘interview’ short and had only revealed the absolutely necessary to satisfy Shane's caution measures like she’d thought they’d do. She noticed some animosity there if Merle’s bitchy responses and Shane’s bulging neck veins were any indicators.

It was smart and subtle, the way Shane had done it, but it had still held a tone of interrogation, which had given Diana the impression he must work- or must have worked in law enforcement. She was proved right by the man himself when he properly introduced himself as Shane Walsh, Sheriff Deputy of King County, and the woman and child as Lori and Carl, no last name there.

The kid was cute, all shy smiles and baby blue eyes, and the woman held herself with confidence and a welcoming sad smile.

The three directed the Lobos to a free portion of land by the tree line, where they could set up camp; it was away from people's peering eyes, so it was nothing short of perfect.

The brothers chose a spot as far from everyone else as possible, like the antisocial beings they were proving themselves to be. Merle parked his truck there, marking their territory, and everyone unloaded their belongings.

On the Lobos’ side, they set up the tents, and everyone made themselves as cozy as they could in a strange place with strangers walking by every two minutes to sneak a peek at them.

Irene had made herself busy by starting with the laundry they’d accumulated over the past two weeks, casting her husband to help her with it. Alice and Felix barely escaped by saying they would scout the grounds and get to know the place.

After some time, shortly before midday, some actually stopped by and introduced themselves and talked a bit about themselves and that should they need anything, they should stop by here or there, or talk to this guy or that person.

Diana had heard her mom admit that she no longer remembered anyone's names while she hanged the clothes from the clothesline Sam had built with borrowed material, and the woman would only refer to them in her family circle by either what they were wearing or any outstanding physical attributes.

Diana remembered translating to a woman who had casually mentioned she was a lawyer and joked about how useless her degree proved to be right now unless the zombies learned any concept of crime and justice. That gave Diana the idea to tell Shane about her occupation. She might've only been a student, but a nurse was still a nurse, and she’d been in her last year, so she could be useful. The thought of the responsibility frightened her, but she would just have to overcome that.

She told him at lunch when she and her family grabbed portions of food generously offered to them. He looked surprised and told her she didn’t look like a nurse. Diana had to bite her tongue to keep herself from replying with ‘you didn’t look like an asshole until two seconds ago’. He spouted some apology, saying that he didn’t mean it “that way”, but… c’mon. Buddy.

She decided to keep her interactions with Shane to the bare minimum.

After lunch, Diana meant to ask why they hadn't joined the other survivors for the meal, but was able to bite her tongue before the question slipped out. She realized how ill at ease her parents would've felt to be the outsiders, to not understand what was being said and not be understood by anyone other than their children.

It was unfair for them, they probably felt isolated. But when she gingerly broached the subject, they laughed it off and said that they didn't want anything to do with them anyway, so it meant shit to them.

At first, Diana thought they were just putting up a façade so they wouldn’t be pitied. Then she remembered that back home they also kept their distance from neighbors and co-workers alike, never letting their relationships develop past the basics, and only ever surrounded themselves with family. So, why would now be any different? Her parents kept to their circle small; they knew what people were capable of once they didn’t need you anymore.

In the afternoon, Lori invaded their little space to ask Alice and Felix if they wanted to take part in the school set up she’d created for Carl and some other kids so they could continue their studies.

After assuring her that she was on a much more advanced level, the equivalent to college in the US, Alice had actually volunteered to help with the tutoring, even if it was only to stroke her own ego. Felix, for lack of anything better to do, and after whining that he missed his video games, had tagged along and played with some of Carl's toys while paying zero attention to his sister's explanations. It was half English and the other half struggling to translate the German concepts she’d learned into words the kids would understand.

The rest of the day was somewhat of a blur to Diana. Once people heard from Shane of her branch of occupation, they came to her with their ailments and questions regarding health and prevention.

There was nothing serious to pay mind to, some harmless scratches and the occasional cough, and their questions had been within her knowledge, so was glad about that. Not that the pressure of succeeding was already weighing down on her or anything, psh what? Impossible.

Besides, messing around with their medkit had given her the opportunity to clean and bandage her hand and make an inventory of the material they were running low on or were yet to acquire if she were to become the camp's official nurse.

All in all, she kept herself busy and kept her mind off _things_.

In the evening, once again sitting by themselves, and eating from their own low reserves - Sam and Irene hadn't wanted to impose too much on the first day - they all caught up on the bits of gossip they heard from around camp.

Diana, having come in contact with so many people, had heard quite a lot, as people tended to loosen their tongues in the safe and empathetic environment she provided. She was used to it; at work, her patients had always been eager to talk if she proved willing to listen. And Diana was a great listener.

Now, she shared whatever she deemed interesting enough. Nothing too exciting came from her side, though. Even though many people had talked to her, they still seemed hesitant since she was a newcomer and practical stranger. She could relate.

The most valuable piece of gossip had come from the two teens, regarding Shane - the self-proclaimed leader of the camp - and Lori. Apparently, Alice had made an off-hand comment to Carl, something about his dad - thinking he was Shane - and then the kid had started crying. Then they found out from Lori that her husband was recently deceased and that Shane was a good friend of the family.

Irene rolled her eyes at that. Even a blind person could see that the familiarity between those two surpassed that of just a family friend and was more along the lines of people who were intimately acquainted, to put it gently.

Other than that, they’d found no loop holes in anyone's stories. No covered up lies or omission of facts.

It was for real. The camp was legit.

Finally, something good.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved Irene’s speech, but the last part at the camp was kinda boring to write tbh, but I thought it was necessary to put it down on the record, so here it is. The next part is much more fun, tho.
> 
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	9. future bff, maybe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait, ily

oOo

Diana wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and stood up, zipping her hoodie up to her neck now that the heat of the fire abandoned her. She nodded at her brother and sister. "I'm heading down to the lake, wanna come with?"

Felix asked around a mouthful, "You gonna get all philosophical and stare out into the water or some shit like that?"

"I might." Diana shrugged, her cheeks heating up.

Both teens shared a deadpan look. "Then we pass," Alice stated and went back to eating what little she had left.

Diana shrugged again, a small lopsided smile forming on her lips. "Your loss. You guys know I'm great at dramatically looking into the distance. I've perfected that distant yet contemplative stare," she said theatrically, using her hands.

Alice nodded distractedly, looking anywhere but her sister; she knew how much it annoyed her. "Mmhm, we believe you, good for you. Piss off." The last two words she actually looked up to say.

Diana scoffed, feigning having taken insult. Sam and Irene gave her a twin look, warning her to be cautious out there. She nodded at them in understanding and left, glad they had yet to broach that morning’s event. She doubted they would let it die, but still hoped they would. She never wanted to think about it again.

The final rays of sunlight had given way to the inky purples and dark blues of the sky above, and Diana took advantage of the falling darkness to walk around camp without being seen, her naturally light footfalls a blessing. She had nothing to hide, but needed a moment of peace only solitude could provide, since her brother and sister wanted nothing to do with her momentarily.

The water lapping softly at the stony shore greeted her as she arrived without attention and let herself sink onto a boulder, only slightly injuring her tailbone in the process.

After finally sitting down and visibly letting her body relax, all her aches accentuated; arms, legs, hand, like damn, even her boobs were sore.

Diana brought her legs up, crossed her arms over her knees and propped her chin on her forearm. Now it was time to make good on her promise and dial up on the theatrics.

The water looked hauntingly beautiful like someone had laid down a carpet of midnight blue for the stars to dance upon. The moon was full and its pale light shone down delicately on the gentle ripples and waves of the water, like droplets of silver on blue velvet.

Diana’s heart swelled at the sight, she loved the moon so much, always had; a passive watcher of the goings-on of the Earth it looked upon.

Her _Avô_ and hypocrite of an _Abuela_ had made sure that their grandchildren were raised to believe in God. And now, in the midst of humanity’s worst crisis, Diana wondered if She was anything like the moon; casually looking on without intervening, or worse, if this had all been Her doing. Oh, she wanted to be angry at God; it would be easy, blaming it all on a divine entity, like mankind hadn’t had it coming, like they were completely innocent and undeserving, and it was all fault of a vengeful and tyrant god.

Her eyes dragged away from the moon’s intoxicating stare and focused on the fainter blinks of the stars curiously gazing back at her.

She forced herself to calm down, reasoning that it would do her no good to think such thoughts.

She remembered the last time she’d been that furious at God. Her eyes brimmed with tears. _Wassup, ‘vô_ , she sent out casually, hoping to distract her from the grief, _if you can hear me, please watch over us. We really need it, like, a lot. Watch over your family, or whatever’s left of it. Put in a good word for us with the Big Woman, yeah? Tell Her I’m not mad, not that She cares either way, and yeah, and that we’d appreciate Her help or guidance or whatever. I love you, Avô, and we miss you. Hopefully, we won’t be seeing each other anytime soon, though. So yeah, bye, I guess?_

Diana finished her awkward prayer by touching her chest above her heart, kissing the tips of her fingers and pointing them at the skies.

A figure plopped down next to her and she hurriedly wiped her eyes with the back of her unhurt hand.

She grinned slowly, working up her cheeriness, and turned to it, thinking either Alice or Felix had had second thoughts about her proposal. But she didn't recognize the face. She’d maybe seen a short glimpse of it throughout the day, but she couldn’t pin a name to it.

The guy smiled at the bewildered look she gave him and stuck out his hand. "Hi, I'm Glenn. You're Diana, right?"

Hearing her name out loud made her snap to attention and realize her rude staring. He was cute, she realized, in the adorable puppy sense, and his voice reminded her of someone, but she couldn’t pin down who.

She shook his hand firmly with her right one, hiding her wince, and he looked down at their joined hands with wide eyes, as if surprised by the strong grip or the bandage or both.

"Yeah, I'm- I’m Diana. Sorry, you caught me kinda off guard. I thought you were my sister."

He actually laughed at that, which made Diana smile a bit in ease. Who didn't love when people laughed at their jokes? She hadn't really been joking, but as long as he wasn't laughing directly at her, it was all good.

"Nope, still a guy, still Asian," he said and smiled widely again. He looked really excited to see her, but she couldn't fathom why.

Diana looked around, not knowing what to do or where to go from there.

"Uhh," she started. The dark blue water shimmering with moonlight caught her eye. "You come down for the view, too?"

"What?" Glenn asked, with furrowed brows and turned to eye what Diana had gestured at. He quickly shook his head and faced her again. "No, nah, I came to talk to you."

"Okay... I don't- I don't really know what- I mean, I don't have a lot to say," Diana stumbled over the sentences, completely at a loss. "Do you have questions about a health thing, or- or something? You're kinda putting me on the spot, here, man."

"I guess that was kind of vague.” He shrugged one shoulder and raised a pensive eyebrow. “So you’re a nurse?” he asked without hesitation.

Diana nodded once. “Yeah, a student.”

“That’s amazing. You’re not from here, though, right?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Where you from?” Glenn turned completely to her. “I heard you talk to your parents, it sounded Spanish, but I gotta admit, I got no clue what it was.”

Diana tightened her arms around her shins. “Oh, it was Portuguese, we’re uh- we’re from there.” His frontal attitude and posture made her feel slightly intimidated. Diana didn’t like being accosted like that.

Glenn’s mouth formed an ‘o’. “What’s it like there?”

“Bad, I guess. I mean, to live in. Great for vacation, though,” she confessed in a small, absent voice. She wasn’t expecting these kinds of questions. His motives were getting harder and harder to figure out.

“You didn’t live there? Did you immigrate? Where to?” With each of his questions, Diana’s heart lurched and by the end, she felt almost short of breath. Less to do with the context, more to do with discomfort.

“Switzerland,” she managed to croak out and looked away.

Glenn nodded and rubbed his arm, almost nervously. “And what’s it like there? Is it better than Portugal?”

“I guess.” Diana shrugged. Before her brain could catch up with her mouth, she looked at him and bluntly said, “You ask a lot of questions.”

“Sorry, I’m just-, I mean-, I guess I’m kinda happy there’s another person my age here. I wanna get to know you.” Glenn’s face fell and he turned away from her. Diana immediately regretted her unintentional rudeness.

She thought back on the people she’d seen since that morning and remembered Amy. “But I saw this blonde girl today, though, she looked like she was in her twenties?”

He looked at her through the corner of his eye. “Amy? Yeah, but she doesn’t really give me the time of day, don’t know why.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with a slight grimace. “I think she thinks I’m coming on to her when I’m trying to make conversation.”

“Well, that’s stupid. There’s no harm in talking. Even if you’re kinda… intense.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to-, I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable,” his words came tumbling out. His voice taking on a tone of self-deprecation that made Diana’s heart ache. He looked like he was a second away from standing up and leaving.

Unraveling herself from her little ball, Diana scooted to the edge of the rock and as close to him as she dared. “No, you’re- you’re really not,” she tried to console him.

“I am, man, I’m sorry. I can get a little eager sometimes.” Glenn shook his head at her and smiled dejectedly.

Diana had it with his dismissal of her words. She rested a hesitant hand on his shoulder, which dragged his attention from the pebbled ground to her. “It’s okay. Really, it is. I mean, you’re the first person to actually ask me something about me and not whether or not ‘this rash on my butt looks infectious’,” she drawled the last words in a terrible southern accent.

Diana felt Glenn’s body tremble in laughter before the chuckles even came out his throat. She smiled warmly at him and leaned back, letting her hand slide down his shoulder to rest on her lap. Despite her open-mindedness towards people, it took a lot of time and effort for her to open up to anyone, so Glenn’s sudden questionnaire about her person had left her on the edge, going against her nature. But his intentions were so kind and excitable, that she decided to let down her guard a bit.

Glenn smiled back. “I like you.” His eyes widened and he grew flustered. “I mean, not ‘like like’ you, I just met you. I mean, not that you’re not a catch, ‘cause you know, you’re pretty and you seem funny and you’re clearly smart but I’m not hitting on you,” he said in a rush to get his point across.

Diana laughed at his wound-up posture, all worked-up as he sheepishly looked at her. She felt her chest swell at the compliments but his words still stung somehow. It didn’t matter how good she was, it seemed she was never good enough. She shoved the anxiety away, she’d have time to wallow on her shortcomings later, right now she was putting all her thought energy into attempting successful socializing.

“D’you just say you don’t ‘like like’ me? What is this here, 3rd class?”

“You mean 3rd _grade_?”

“Isn’t that what I said?”

He let his face fall into his hands and rubbed his eyes with his palms as a shamed groan left his throat. “Ugh, I’m so lame.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind being corrected, I know I make mistakes.”

“I’m trying to make you feel welcome, and I’ve managed to insult you and make an ass of myself,” his voice came out muffled. He looked up at her through the spaces between his fingers and finally dropped his hands to his lap.

This time, Diana didn’t feel as hesitant to pat his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay, I really don’t mind it, and believe me, no matter how lame you are, I will always be lamer.”

“I don’t believe that. I can’t believe you’re lying to me, so soon into the relationship.” A satisfied smile grew visible from the corner of his lips as he stared straight ahead.

She shrugged and mimicked his pose. “Just ask my sister, Alice. She’ll tell you how lame I am, she tells _me_ all the time,” she stated casually like it was common knowledge.

“She sounds like a very loving sister.” Glenn looked at her in apprehension.

Diana snorted and drummed her fingers on her thighs. “She is, she doesn’t show it and she’s kind of a bitch to me, but that’s our thing. You don’t gotta worry, though, she’ll like you.”

“You sure of that?” His head tilted slightly to the side like a curious puppy.

“Yeah, she got a thing for Eastern Asian guys, you know,” she joked, then sobered up. “But for real, she will, ‘cause… _I_ already like you,” Diana whispered, feeling her cheeks warm up and her heart rate pick up at the embarrassing words.

She couldn’t believe she’d said that to someone she’d met not ten minutes ago, which was weird because she had meant it and she had friends that even after years of friendship didn’t evoke the same affection from her that Glenn had after such a short amount of time. She knew she was all shades of fucked up, but this was new.

He took it in good humor. “But not ‘like like’.”

She chuckled once and shook her head. “Nah, not ‘like like’, after all, we just met.” Diana sighed and let silence reign for a bit before it felt awkward to her and then added, “And my brother Felix, my bro, my main bro; he can be an asshole sometimes, like a major one, but he’s a sweetheart most of the time, very kind-hearted, but don’t let him know I said that. He’s got a ‘reputation’, know what I mean?” After a beat, she asked, “What about you, any siblings?” As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them.

“Yep, got some sisters myself.” Glenn’s smile was a bit sad and enigmatic so that Diana couldn’t decipher it, but he didn’t seem to mind the question.

“Nicer than mine, hopefully?”

“That’s arguable.”

“What d’you do before, you know, this happened?” Why could she only come up with potentially harsh subjects? Well, to be fair, he had also asked a lot about her home, even though such a topic could only be associated with heartbreak.

“I uh, delivered pizzas.” He rubbed the back of his head and then hit her lightly on the arm. “Yeah, nothing fancy like Ms. Nurse over here.”

“Pleeease,” Diana dragged and strained her brain for some adequate words of appreciation. “I mean… if there weren’t guys like you out there, who would deliver our pizzas?” She felt like slapping herself.

“Wow,” Glenn teased, a lopsided smile on his face.

Diana’s eyebrows raised in bafflement. “I didn’t know what to say!”

“How did your patients even put up with you?”

She crossed her arms and hunched forward. “I have feelings.”

He tapped her back once. “So do I, and all you come up with is ‘who would deliver our pizzas?’”

“I’m not very good with words, okay?” Alice had always told her she was shit at comforting people, and Diana had always been self-conscious over that. She was a great listener, but not very good at making people feel better. More than that, she felt horrible for having basically undervalued his livelihood, like some snobby socialite who didn’t know hard work.

“You suck,” he joked, but he must’ve noticed her flinch away. “Did that- did that offend you?”

“No.”

“Shit, I’m really sorry. I thought you meant it as a joke, you know? Some people got that self-deprecating humor and all.”

He wasn’t wrong. “It’s okay.” She remained with her back turned, though, still ashamed.

“I blew our chances, didn’t I? If you wanna gang up on me with Amy, I totally get it.”

Man, he totally thought he was at fault here, that was so unfair to him. Diana swallowed her embarrassment and turned to face him, heart in her throat. He looked guiltily up at her. One of his hands kneaded the muscles on his upper arm in a nervous tick.

“You giving up on us? So soon into the relationship?” she managed around the lump in her throat.

The confused furrow of his brow lasted about a second before a relieved half-smile rose on his lips. He joked along. “You’ll take me back?”

“Boy, if anything, I should be the one asking that. I basically belittled your job. That was such a douche move.”

Glenn chortled in disbelief. “What, really? You think that insulted me?”

“Hmm.” Diana nodded largely, feeling like a child.

“You’re feeling bad about that? Seriously?”

“Yeah,” she muttered and started to crack her knuckles nervously before the pain in her right hand forced her to stop.

He laid a comforting hand on her shoulder and leaned towards her to catch her eye. “You realize how much shit I’ve heard? From people who didn’t give the slightest damn about how their words affected me? Believe me, that’s nothing in comparison.”

“Yeah, I know what that’s like. But… let’s not go there. Tell me- tell me about you. If we want this to work.” She worried Glenn would grow tired of the joke, but his friendly grin showed the opposite.

He was more than happy to change the subject matter and they talked about trivial and not so trivial things for almost an hour.

He told her a little about his childhood, his time as a Boy Scout and his shenanigans at school. He purposefully avoided mentioning his family, but Diana understood and didn’t press.

He gushed about his love of comic books and retold her stories of one of his favorites in such detail and suspense and passion that he had Diana leaning forward on her boulder, attentive and focused on his words.

Glenn talked and Diana listened. Never once did he push her to divulge more than she felt comfortable with and she did the same.

And by the end of the night, after she walked him to his sleeping quarters and awkwardly patted his arm in goodbye, she could confess that it probably wouldn’t take long before she and Glenn became good friends.

oOo

Hazel-green eyes blinked away the last grains of fuzzy dreams and blissful sleep. They glanced around a couple of times, trying to discern the time of day; the darkness in the tent proved to be answer enough.

She rarely slept well and it was still night-time, so who the fuck was disturbing her with that infernal noise?

Alice groaned and punched the ground near her head. Why couldn’t people just let her sleep?

She sat upright like a coiled spring set free and glared at her siblings; one of them was the culprit. She adjusted the fabric wrapped around her hair and groaned again.

It was Diana. She was the little shit at fault. She was lying on her side, facing her. Her whole body trembled, and from what Alice could discern in the dark, her face was twisted in an expression of agony. The whimpers and sobs that had awakened her were her sister’s.

Alice didn’t know what to do. Should she just let her sleep, innocent but annoying victim to nightmares that caused her to cry in her sleep? Or should she be a good little sister and wake her up? But if so, what then? She could pretend to be asleep and let Diana deal with it alone. But then she would most likely continue to cry and that would be even more annoying. Maybe she could wake Felix up and convince him to deal with it.

More heart-lurching sobs brought Alice out of her thoughts. She bit her lip and scratched the side of her neck.

Well, she guessed it was no fun seeing her sister suffer if she wasn’t the one causing her pain.

So, good little sister it was.

Alice grimaced and shoved Diana awake.

The girl woke up with a bloodcurdling scream that caused Alice to jump and scared Felix awake. Great.

While Felix gathered his wits, Diana seemed to unravel further. She kicked everything away from her and herself out of her bedding. Alice managed to avoid a slap, but Felix had been less lucky.

Diana heaved and panted and sobbed, all at once. She was a mess of sweaty skin and tousled hair and wide eyes.

“Stop that,” Alice commanded pitilessly, and it seemed to work; Diana stopped her thrashing around and sat in the midst of the chaos she’d created. Alice saw her eyes darting around and once her surroundings set in, she relaxed visibly; her shoulders dropped from their tense posture and her expression became less wild and more exhausted.

Alice glimpsed over at Felix, who looked bewildered back at her, a silent question of ‘what the hell is going on’ clear on his face. She shrugged, not really feeling up to explaining, and turned to her sister.

“The fuck was that about?” she asked. She remembered the morning of two days ago when she’d also woken up to Diana having a nightmare. She’d never thought it’d become a regular instance. She hoped it wouldn’t, it was messing up her sleep schedule more than usual.

Diana didn’t answer, she just pushed her legs up to her chest and hugged herself into a tight little ball of pure 100% infuriating sister material.

Alice resisted the urge to slap her, so instead, she groaned and hissed between teeth, “Talk to us about it.”

The older girl looked up at her from under her eyelashes. She looked absolutely miserable; what a pain in the ass this girl was! “It’s okay, I don’t wanna talk about it.” Even her voice sounded all weak and hoarse.

Alice might come to regret this, but right now, it was time for her to rise to the occasion and be The Good Sister™. “Did I make it sound like a question? I meant it as an order. So spill it.”

Diana glanced at her and then Felix, who was as curious as he was puzzled. Typical. It really wasn’t hard to imagine what was in their sister’s mind.

“It’s got to do with this,” she said and pulled Diana’s bandaged hand free to hold it up, “doesn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Diana said but didn’t divulge any more.

Alice felt like pulling at her hair, or Diana’s, whichever, in frustration. Two days ago she had been eager to tell her about whatever stupid nightmare she had had, but now, no peep from her. Which only meant that whatever had happened had affected her more than she cared to admit, despite her brave façade.

She let herself calm down, hitting her sister would not be the solution, she thought, even though it really would help Alice.

She looked at Felix and gestured to their elder sister with a raised eyebrow. The boy raised both in a helpless furrow and shrugged his shoulders almost to his ears. Fine, be useless.

Before Alice could make another effort to ‘nicely’ extort information out of her sister, the older girl inhaled slowly and started talking. Hesitantly she told them everything, every detail, every action and thought, and also every fear and doubt she’d had regarding that morning’s incident.

Listening to her sister disclose the events of that morning made two distinct emotions swell up in her. Pure, unadulterated wrath, and pride.

The rage had been understandable, but the pride had surprised her. Her sister had been such a badass. Jesus F. Christ, please don’t let that thought tarnish her mind ever again!

Alice shuddered internally and kept on listening. Diana was now very hesitantly recounting her dream; basically everything that she had thought could’ve gone wrong, did go wrong, and she had watched and felt herself experience those horrific scenarios on repeat, each one worse than the one before.

By the end of it, Diana was crying again, and Alice’s stomach was so twisted in disgust, she legitimately felt like throwing up. Felix felt the same if his contorted grimace was any indication.

Alice looked at Diana, curled into her little ball of 90% annoying sister material. Wow, feeling sorry for people was the worst. It sucked, really.

She caught Felix’s attention and gestured for him to hug her. The boy nodded and scooted closer to their older sister and gingerly put his arms around her. At first, she stiffened in his arms, but then she unfurled and threw her arms around the boy’s middle while weeping into his shoulder.

Felix made a fine job of holding her tight, doing for their sister what Alice couldn’t, and she gave him a thumbs up when he caught her eye. He returned it and carefully sat in a way that Diana could sit between his legs and still hold onto him.

The boy rested his cheek on Diana’s head, half his face disappearing behind her untamed waves, and shushed her and told her it was okay, that she was safe, his hand stroking her back tenderly.

When Diana had calmed down, and Alice had had enough of the pity party, she crawled next to them and sat herself facing her sister.

Diana looked up, rubbing her face with her palms and smiled tiredly at Alice, who allowed one corner of her lips to lift in return.

Alice patted the girl’s knee awkwardly. Should she risk some words of comfort? Okay, why not? “That was just a fucking stupid dream. You just gotta remember what really happened, which was…” She gestured with her hand for Diana to complete the sentence.

“I fought.” Diana’s smile grew slowly.

“Aaand?”

“And I won!” she said with more confidence.

A small smirk blossomed on Alice’s lips and she held up her fist. Diana bumped it with enthusiasm and a twin smile to hers.

“Don’t curse, though,” Diana added in her raspy voice. And she had to ruin the moment by grabbing Alice’s face and planting a kiss on her forehead. Alice scurried away from the grip and slapped at her sister’s guilty hands, feeling satisfaction when she managed to hit her bandaged hand. Serves her right. How fucking dare she?

Alice glared at her, but her sister just chuckled and turned to Felix, thanking him the same way, except the boy was more complacent to receive the affection and hugged her one last time.

“Well, I’m glad that’s over,” Alice breathed, “The crying was really getting on my nerves.” She sighed jokingly. She saw Diana grin and slap her upper arm from the corner of her eye.

She pretended to be hurt and was going to retaliate, but a fierce yawn bubbled up from deep within her and she decided to forsake the violence just this once and return to her sleep.

“G’night, now, bitches. And Diana, you can fuck right off next time you have a nightmare,” Alice said around another yawn and laid herself down inside her sleeping bag. She turned her back to her siblings, but the shuffling of cloth behind her suggested they were following her lead.

There was a yawn and then, “Sure thing, ma’am, I’ll make sure to wake you up every time. Roger that.”

Alice lashed an arm out behind her and an ‘oof’ of breathlessness indicated she had met her target.

She fell asleep to the sound of her sister cursing out her name.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter for two reasons, Diana and Glenn’s beginning of friendship awkwardness, and writing from Alice’s POV.  
> Glenn is so excited to meet Diana and she’s just ???? why?? their interactions cost her a lot of social energy and defied her base instincts. people are complex, and so is Diana; she’s got no problem accepting strangers and trusting them, but she’s very closed off where her person is involved. she’s trusting but has trust issues simultaneously, if that makes any sense to you?  
> I love their relationship tbh, I just… it’s so pure and platonic and right from the beginning they build their own inside jokes and I love them and idgaf what people think.  
> I love Alice’s POV cuz she loves her siblings but she has her own way of showing it, and she pretends to be this emotionless person but she feels so deeply and just hides it all away.  
> okay rant over I hope u enjoyed this chapter.
> 
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	10. all the references

oOo

Felix’s ready fist collided with Diana's abdomen, hard enough to make her gasp for air, but still soft enough that she knew he was holding back. He had, after all, not only his height to his advantage, but strength as well - much to Diana's dismay and partial denial.

The morning sun shone heavy on them from the cornflower blue skies, bathing them in sweat.

"Retaliate, c'mon, Diana," Sam encouraged from the sidelines, clapping once.

Once she’d gotten her breath back, Diana used an open palm to push aside another of Felix's punches and moved in and grabbed him around the middle, locking her fingers together behind his back; her bruised hand protested at the tight grip. _Shit._ Now she'd incapacitated both of them; he couldn't move his arms, but neither could she.

"The hell are you doing?! Whatever, Felix, use your head. How do you get out?"

"By stopping playing around like a couple of children?" Irene provided with a sigh as she joined them, hand shielding her eyes from the sun, " _Juro por Deus_ , you're gonna hurt yourselves and I'm gonna be right here when you come crying to tell you 'I told you so'."

Felix struggled to lift his arms free, but Diana's locked hands didn't budge. She jokingly laid her head on her brother’s chest and pretended to nap.

"C’mon, you _bobo_! This gonna take long? I wanna kick some ass too, **"** Alice puffed impatiently from somewhere Diana couldn't see. Honestly, all she could see was her brother's neck and the scenery behind him from above his shoulder.

"Really, Diana, what the fuck? Just let go!" The boy's deep voice rumbled in his chest.

Diana tutted. "Watch the language. You gotta use your head, bro. What if this happens with someone else? You can't just yell at them to let go. Well, you could, but I’m guessing they ain’t about that life."

Felix stopped his erratic moves, and when Diana looked up at him in confusion, the boy reared his head back and lurched it forward with a snap, hitting his forehead to hers.

The flash of pain and sudden dizziness caused her to let go and stumble backward, head in her hands and eyes screwed shut. Eventually, she ended up falling on her butt.

Alice's uncontrollable laughter rang in her ears, and the headache she was sporting grew stronger. The darkness behind her eyelids didn't help the vertigo - it felt like she was on a rollercoaster that consisted only of stomach dropping loops - and the next thing she knew, she was rolling to the side to throw up.

"Oh my God, Sam!" Irene's voice rang closer until it was basically on her. "I think she might have a concussion. Diana, open your eyes, look at mom!"

"S’not a concussion, _mami_ , just dizzy," she protested and spat bitter saliva onto the dirt next to her sick. She shuddered at the smell – the stale humid air also didn’t help -, and almost vomited again. Instead, she swallowed down the feeling and stood up unsteadily, with both parents holding her under each arm. She kicked some dirt to cover the spot and walked over to Felix, trying her hardest not to trip.

The boy's forehead had a red spot, most likely twin to hers, but fortunately for him, she seemed to have taken the brunt of the hit.

"You okay?" she asked and prodded the skin, which made him wince. A bit of petty revenge on her part.

"Yeah, hurts like hell, though. My head feels like it's gonna blow up."

"Don't I know it," Diana said and slapped him upside the head. "You ever do that again, I'll do worse."

"Ow! Yeah, I'd like to see _that_ happen."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing."

"What, don't think I will?"

"Just don't think you're strong enough."

"Arm-wrestle me, right here, right now."

"That's your solution? It's okay, we don't have to, don't wanna destroy you too quickly and humiliate you."

"Huh, you little flea..."

"Goat beast."

"Uugh, I'll take you on!"

"Oh, yeah, what you gonna do? Hug me to submission?"

"I-I had a plan!"

"Yeah, like I said, hugging, great plan. The freaking best."

"Okay, I think you two had enough for today," Sam interrupted with firm words and hard hazel-green eyes. He stepped between his oldest and youngest child to avoid unwanted confrontation and forced them to sit on the sidelines to cool down.

They plopped down on a patch of grass next to their standing mother. Diana accepted a bottle of water to rinse her mouth with.

She avoided the woman's disappointed gaze and knew she and Felix were gonna be on the receiving end of a lecture in the near future.

In the meanwhile, Sam started a demonstration with Alice, showing once more how to throw a correct punch and the best ways to deflect one.

Diana watched absentminded as her dad and sister started their sparring. The man went completely soft on her, guiding her through her moves and saying tips out loud for her and Felix to hear as well.

They had gone through those same moves the day before when they'd started the ‘lessons on ass-kicking' - as Alice called them.

It had been on their second day in the camp that Sam had brought up the subject during breakfast. He'd said it could be useful in case of any hostile human encounter, as experienced by Diana. He'd specifically mentioned how defenseless she had been in that situation, and how badly she could've gotten hurt if not for Daryl.

That was when Diana's pride had made her spill the beans about all of it.

It was fair to say her parents had been horrified. At the lie, at her irresponsibility and naivety, at Daryl for playing along, basically every reason there’d been to be mad about had come up. And she had to sit and endure a chiding like no other, comprehensible, but tiring; her mom tended to repeat herself multiple times for emphasis and her dad liked to escalate the scenarios. At the end of it, they made sure she knew she was strictly forbidden to associate herself with Daryl and his brother. She was lucky she came out of it unscathed.

To that day, Diana remained bitter at herself for having confessed because of injured pride, but relieved that she would no longer have to tiptoe around her parents, even though she didn’t intend to talk much about it, to begin with; the first and last time had been two days before, when she'd had that damned nightmare and Alice had confronted her about it.

The good thing in the short time that had passed was that the novelty of their arrival worn off and they were finally left in relative peace.

Sam kept up his stoic and quiet manner with outsiders, which kind of scared off unwanted curiosity. Irene made acquaintance with Miranda Morales – the only other woman in camp who spoke Spanish – and would bring fresh information back home about whatever matter of significance Miranda would tell her each day.

Diana had introduced Glenn to Alice and Felix. She could tell he felt slightly weird in the beginning, not only because he had to look up to look Felix in the eye, but also because of Alice's awkward friendliness, which painted a completely different picture of the girl when compared to what Diana had told him. He was able to look beyond their age and see the maturity hidden in the jokes and puns and sarcasm. Basically, he didn't treat them like children like everyone else did, so it's fair to say he became quite popular with the two teens.

Diana was brought out of her musings and watched Alice attempt to punch her father in the belly, but getting her fist pushed to the side or caught every time. Her puff wiggled with her every erratic move and said moves left much to wish for as her stamina depleted sizably and quickly. The girl gave up soon after, bending over at the waist to catch her breath and cursing at her father in languages he didn't understand.

"Okay, I think it's better we wrap it up for today," Sam informed, looking uncharacteristically exhausted, and accepted water from his wife, which he drank greedily.

"Good, it should've ended a long time ago as it is," Irene puffed out and wiped her husband’s brow. “ _Cristo, vem cá abaixo ver isto,_ look at the state you’re in.”

Sam shrugged it off. "I don't get why you're so against it?! They're gonna be damn grateful they know this shit if they ever need it, and so are you. You rather they trust the Virgin and not run?"

"I know that, Samuel. _Santo Cielo_. I just don't like thinking about it."

"It could damn well happen, and if it does, it's better they’re prepared," Sam said gently, going to his wife and rubbing her upper arms up and down in comfort. It wasn’t hard to get upset if one thought of it like that. And parents never like thinking about their children getting hurt.

"Yeah, let's just hope it never comes to that, ‘kay? You hear, kids? Always be diplomatic first. You jump head first or fist first, whatever, into an argument, it'll only escalate. It's all good that you know these things but think, for God's sake, before you start something that can only end badly." Irene fixed each of her children with a stare that both commanded and pleaded for obedience.

Sam turned to them as well while putting an arm around his wife's shoulders. "Yeah, yeah, I don’t mean for you to go picking fights with everyone you meet and shit. But I want you to have the security of your own fists and body if words and _diplomacy_ fail."

Irene rolled her eyes at the pointed look he gave her. "Exactly."

Alice clapped her hands once. "Good, nice, super, but if we’re done, can we please go now?"

"Sure," Sam said with a smile and a wave of his hand, "class dismissed, or some shit like that."

oOo

" _Ich schwör’_ , this fighting thing is all cool and whatever, but I get the feeling we're not moving forward," Diana admitted while releasing her thick waves from their disheveled ponytail and massaging her sweaty scalp, her fingers getting caught in the strands.

They trekked from the plain overseeing the camp down to the lake, going around the camp rather than through it. Two women sat at the water's edge, washing clothes against the rocks, so they walked further down, so they wouldn’t disturb them.

Felix bent down and scooped some water with his hands to splash his face. "We only started yesterday but yeah, the punching and deflecting, it's like, we fucking get it, next! What’d be really cool is if I was like Luke Cage, you know, I wouldn’t even need to learn any of this, just punch my way through the zombies, let ‘em at me, you know?"

Diana nodded in contemplation while kicking off her shoes. “You’d single-handedly stop the Apocalypse.”

“Or we could start Saitama’s _very rigorous_ training program and go all ‘One Punch’ on the sumbitches.” Alice punched the water, splashing herself.

“Right? I bet he’d get bored, though.”

“But nah, bro, you know what this is called? It's called building up from the basics," Alice stated with false seriousness and followed her brother's lead to refresh herself. "But yeah, I've kinda had enough of doing the same damn thing."

Diana bound her hair again at the back of her head and crouched by the limpid water. "Ugh, so am I, but I guess we do need to learn this stuff before we get to the real fucking badass ass-kicking." She punched the air in front of her in a series of consecutive uncoordinated punches, which almost caused her to lose balance and fall forward.

"Man, I can't wait for those," Felix breathed willfully.

The three took the beat of silence to scoop up water and splash them on themselves, the back of their necks, face, and even up and down their arms. The heat was really unbearable, how could it be like this during the day and get so chilly at night?

When they were done, they sought out some boulders where they could both sit and still have their feet in the water.

"Oh, side note, I got my fucking period this morning, that's why my boobs and back were hurting so much these last days. Fuck my life, amirite?" Diana smiled falsely with a thumbs up.

"You, too? Bitch, pound it." Alice held out her fist to Diana, who tapped hers against it. "Blood sisters."

"C'mon guys, really?" Felix asked, making a face and rolling his eyes.

Alice crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "What? Can't take a little talk about blood? Newsflash, there's blood inside you right now," she whispered the last sentence like it was a secret and shared a smirk with Diana.

Felix rolled his eyes again, even more emphatically. "No, you know? It's 'cause you're basically rubbing in my face that I’ll never be a blood sister," his tone lulled with sarcasm. "Can we talk about something else? I don’t wanna think about blood coming out of your anywhere."

“You’re the one still talking about it.”

Alice clicked her tongue against her teeth and kicked her foot out of the water with a splash. " _Bebé_." She leaned around him to look at Diana. "But now that we're changing subjects, Diana, did _mãe_ and _pai_ say anything about, you know, that thing that happened?"

Diana glanced up from her submerged feet and grimaced. "You mean besides the huge-ass lecture about how irresponsible I was, and reminding me of stranger danger and other shit you only normally discuss with a ten-year-old? I guess _pai_ was kinda low-key proud of me? Still pissed as fuck, but yeah, and _mami_ wants me to get an escort for every time I go to the bathroom. Like, what the hell? What am I here?"

Alice kicked her feet in the water, splashing all three, a large grin present on her lips. "Oh my God, that's too good!"

"Yeah, yeah, I can imagine _pai_ just standing watch all serious and stuff, and you in the background going-" Felix interrupted himself to make grunting noises and screw his face like he was constipated.

His sisters laughed at the sound effects he added and joined him in impersonating someone taking a shit. Charming, really.

They clutched their sides in laughter, which resonated like church bells inside the stone walls of the Quarry, and just as they were calming down, Alice blew a raspberry and they cracked up again; Diana even almost falling off the rock when Felix leaned too hard against her.

“For real, though, going no. 2 was weird enough back when it was just us …” Diana said with a grimace.

Alice joined in, “Oh man, you’re right. Now, there’s the chance some rando just strolls in on you going-” She made another ‘pooping-face’.

“Yeah, guess having someone watching out doesn’t sound so bad actually,” Felix retorted and brought his fins for feet out of the water and crisscrossed his legs, his bony knees poking both Alice’s and Diana’s thighs.

Diana scooched over to give him more space. “You wouldn’t believe how stressful it was this morning. Me, crouching, tampon in hand, looking over my shoulder every two seconds, God! I was sweating like crazy with nerves, I don’t think I ever put it in as quick as I did today.”

Felix made a gagging sound, and Diana swatted him on the arm.

“Bruh, same, I feel you. After breakfast, I had to stand behind a tree, with my bare ass sticking out to stick that fucking pad on. It was like, on my top five things I wish I never had to do again,” Alice complained, gesturing emphatically with her hands.

“Oh really, what are the other four?” Diana asked, to which Alice smirked like she’d been waiting exactly for one of them to ask that.

“One of them is talking to you losers.” The younger girl grinned, her green-hazel eyes shining in triumph as if she’d delivered the sickest burn of the century.

Felix scoffed and added, “Same, you guys suck.”

Diana sniffed and dramatically pretended to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. “Please stop, children, the tears are already coming to my eyes. I’ve never heard such beautiful words in my life before.”

“I’ll give you a reason to cry,” Alice bellowed, impersonating their father, and jumped into the knee-high water and started splashing water at her siblings, making torrents rain down on them, drenching them through their clothes. “Here come the tears, suckers!”

Both gasped at the temperature contrast, and seeing as they were already wet as it was, they joined Alice in the lake and retaliated by joining forces and sending a wave of tidal proportions crashing on their sister as she yelled something about her hair.

There were laughter and squeaks of surprise and yells of revenge, and overall the atmosphere was good and pure and of so much fun that everything else was forgotten.

Of course, it didn’t last, because not even five minutes after it had started, Irene – who had joined the other two women washing their laundry – had snapped at them, demanding that they stop or they’d get sick.

Complaining to each other in murmurs, the three siblings lied down on the pebbled shore, clothes soaked through and gluing to their skin, hair heavy, and hearts content, despite it all. The sheer happiness Diana was feeling invoked guilt, because how could they be having so much fun when it was the end of the world, it felt almost like a sin.

No, they should be having fun despite the end of the world. They were still there; they were still alive; happiness was for the living.

Only a few seconds passed before Felix draped his arm over Diana’s belly, a silent request for attention, and Alice soon followed suit. So the three lay on their backs, small rounded stones slightly digging into their flesh, but they didn’t care. The sunlight was warm and painted their eyelids red, and Diana lightly grazed her fingers up and down her siblings’ arms, and the combination was enough to make them melt into near slumber.

“I miss my PS4,” Felix commented sleepily, “and all my games. And all my cool clothes that got left behind.”

Alice scoffed. “Boy, don’t even get me started, and I don’t wanna ‘cause it’s gonna make me anxious.”

They stayed like so for a couple of minutes, enjoying the murmur of noise from the camp up the road, the screeches and calls of birds flying overhead, the quiet conversation of the women down the shore, and the water lapping at their feet, that is, until Diana’s arms grew tired and she sat up, dropping the arms draped over her onto their respective owners’ chest.

She crisscrossed her legs and let herself slump forward, and Alice and Felix reluctantly sat up as well. Felix stretched his lithe form and then leaned himself back on his hands. Alice sighed blissfully and turned her face towards the sky, eyes closed like a cat in the sun.

Her eyes blinked open very lazily and she turned to Diana. “You know what I was thinking?”

“That this is probably Trump’s fault?”

“No, but holy shit.”

“Right? But what then?”

Alice leaned forward. “I was thinking that… I really need this, this training. I mean, the two of you are taller and stronger than me,” she admitted between clenched teeth, “and Diana, you got your weird-ass, magic-ass bow-thing. Unless I get me some badass sword or gun or some shit, all I got is this.” She gestured down to herself. “So I really wanna learn how to use it.”

Felix and Diana contemplated her words. The latter laid a hand on Alice’s shoulder, which she shook off, but Diana persisted and rested it there again, heavily. “Okay, that might be true, but you got like, this really uncanny, unwavering hatred towards people and that sorta thing comes in handy, you know? As motivator.”

Alice nodded, consenting. “That _is_ true, I do hate people a lot,” she admitted earnestly.

“How do you think _pai_ learned this stuff?” Felix asked incredulous, deviating from the subject, “I mean, he grew up in a village, he’s the son of a farmer.”

“Yeah, but he moved out as soon as he started dating _mami_ , when he was around my age, I think?” Diana explained.

“And he did that mandatory military thing when he was eighteen, so he probably learned something there,” Alice added, and the siblings nodded, making noises of acknowledgment.

“Hey, you were saying about my bow before-”

Alice interrupted, “And you wanna use that as an excuse to talk about yourself.”

“Shut up, yes, but shut up. I was gonna say that like, I have it and it’s _wirklich_ cool and shit, but _eigentlich_ I don’t really know how to use it? Like, I’ve never had time to practice or anything, you know? I don’t have that skill set,” Diana admitted sheepishly with a loose shrug.

Felix shook his head in dismissal, one eyebrow raised in question. “So? Learn it, practice. S’probably not that hard.”

Diana rolled her eyes. “Yeah, how? I could be doing it all wrong. I’ve never done archery before. You know, besides Wii Sports Resort, but I was good at _that_.”

“Normally, I’d say to google it, but we’re in the equivalent to the Dark Ages or some shit, so bleh, got nothing,” Alice said lazily, one eyebrow delicately lifted and eyes half-lidded in a perfect expression of lethargy.

“I don’t know; I think you should just go for it. Try it out, you know? Maybe it’ll come to you.”

“But I wanna learn it correctly. It’s gonna psych me out if it’s not done right, you know me.”

“Yeah, Ms. All-my school-documents-are-organized-chronologically-and-by-medical-topic.”

“Shut your fuck up, Alice.”

“Wow.” Felix slow-clapped. “ _Gut ge-englischt_.”

“Why don’t you just ask around, damn… you whiny pissbaby.” Alice sighed in irritation and rested her chin on her palm.

Diana huffed and crossed her arms, much like a whiny pissbaby. “You, of all people, know how much I can’t do that, Alice.” She gave Alice a self-explanatory look, and the girl shrugged in understanding. “I mean, it’s not that bad talking to these people ‘cause I treat them like my patients, and I’m chill with my patients. But I’ll stop thinking of them that way as soon as we talk about something not related to their health. Know what I mean?”

“Nah, not really, but I get the not being able to ask ‘em. I wouldn’t too.”

“You could ask Daryl,” Felix suggested like it was the most obvious idea, and they should feel dumb for not thinking of it sooner.

“Why him?”

“The guy has a fucking crossbow,” “Language.” “you’d think he knows his way around a bow like yours, right?”

Alice’s face became perfectly blank. “Bro, I resent you so much right now because I didn’t think of that first.” She turned her head away dramatically and raised her palm to Felix. “Don’t speak to me for the rest of the day, goodbye.”

Felix raised his joined hands towards the sky. “Oh thank God, yes! Finally, my wishes become reality!”

Alice gasped in offense, but Diana clapped once, bringing them back. “Okay, back to the point, this is important, okay? You think he’d help me?”

Felix emitted a noncommittal sound and shrugged one shoulder. He dragged his legs towards himself and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “Just ask. I mean, you know him better than the others, and you don’t ‘treat him like a patient’, right? Should be easier for you.”

Diana started chewing on the inside of her cheek. “But I’d have to show him the bow… What if he thinks it’s weird? ‘Cause, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t? What do I do? Besides, _mami_ and _pai_ forbid me from talking to him,” she added sheepishly, picking at the glittery nail polish Alice had applied on her nails the day before.

“Oh, please,” Alice scoffed and slapped her hands to stop her from ruining her work. “I think this might be the one exception they make, ‘cause like you said, this shit’s important.”

“How else you wanna learn ‘correctly’? And you only gotta show it to him if he says he can help you. If he says no from the get-go, he doesn’t have to know.”

Diana scoffed at Felix’s words. “That’s really wishful thinking, he’s gonna find out _irgendwann_ , and so is everyone, you know? And they’re gonna ask me questions and they’re probably gonna accuse me of something? What if they try to burn me for witchcraft? I might look a little like that girl from ‘The Vampire Diaries’, but I’m not a witch, guys!”

“Hey, chill, bro. You’re taking your stupid to whole new levels.”

Diana turned to Felix, no longer on the verge of hyperventilating. “You never know what’s out there, we’ve seen zombies and a magic bow, witches might be real.”

“Witches have always been real; I know ‘cause I am one,” Alice remarked teasingly, smug-faced. “Too bad I left my tarot deck back home.”

“Yeah, what a shame. Shut the hell up, man.”

Alice inhaled sharply, her cute rounded nose scrunching up as she prepared a comeback.

Diana, being between them, took it upon herself to stop a roast-fest from breaking out. “Can you not? Not right now? I’m facing a dilemma, people.”

Felix drew a breath through clenched teeth. “Seems like a problem for future you.”

“Yep, and she’s gonna hate you for it,” Alice added.

“Thanks a lot, as if I didn’t know,” Diana breathed and rolled her eyes. “I guess I’ll ask Daryl.”

Felix slapped his now-dry jeans and rose to a crouch. “So, I already spent enough time with you two as it is, and I gotta go take a shit now.” He slapped his hand against Diana’s in their standard handshake, he backed out at the last second with Alice and flipped her off before standing to his full height.

Alice did the same and grinned. “You’re so vulgar, Felix, say poop.”

“Incredible how you managed to squeeze that in,” Diana said in disbelief and chuckled before pounding her fist against Alice’s.

Alice tsked and shrugged one shoulder. “What can I say? I’m the Queen of timing and anime references.”

Felix leaned against the rock they had previously been sitting on to slip on his sneakers. “Whatever, I really gotta go, though, been postponing this shit since I woke up. Pun intended.”

“Make sure to take _pai_ with you,” Alice yelled at his turned back, as their brother jogged away.

He turned to them, walking backward and gave them two thumbs up. “I’ll let you know how it goes, full report,” he yelled back.

“Please don’t,” Diana managed before he disappeared from sight. She turned back to Alice. “What now?”

“I’m tired, let’s just hang.”

“Fine by me.”

The subject quickly turned to simple things from their life B.A. (before Apocalypse). Alice mostly brought up her favorite anime and TV-shows, and what a pain it was that they would never find out how they’d end. They kept the conversation light-hearted, having their fun while avoiding loaded subjects.

It was a pleasant time in its entirety. They talked and joked and punned and laughed and made fun of each other like they were used to, and neither one became mad at or irritated with the other, for once. Which, admittedly, happened often.  They were sisters, after all, and no well-adjusted sisters – or well-adjusted people, for that matter – got along well 100% of the time.

The giddiness in Diana, however, was replaced by something much heavier once they were called to lunch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My carefree black children having some sibling bonding moments while the apocalypse rages on around them. They deserve it. They should cherish those moments and each other. God, I love them.
> 
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	11. straight up fucking shit up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you find it in your hearts to love my OCs as much as i do  
> im sobbing right now ... with love

 

oOo

Diana’s stomach was too unsettled for her to do anything more than pick at her food. The pure anxiety churning inside her showed on the surface. It was visibly evident to her family.

Felix and Alice knew the reason, of course, and after the third time asking, so did her parents.

Oh, Sam didn’t like it, no sir, he didn’t. He ranted about how she wasn’t allowed to do it and reminded her how she was still forbidden from ever stepping within a 6 feet radius of Daryl and Merle. He could get a bit dramatic in his scolding.

Irene began seeing the light when Diana called to attention that they were all part of the same camp and Diana _was_ the official/unofficial nurse. She would eventually have to do with them, so Sam shouldn’t get carried away.

That argument only sent Sam on a roll on how she shouldn’t even be doing that, to begin with. She didn’t owe anyone anything and so on. Diana ended up having to defend her position. She liked what she did, it gave her a sense of purpose and usefulness.

The discussion ended rather abruptly, with Sam storming off, yelling out his typical catchphrase about him never being able to say anything in this family. He left them rolling their eyes at his familiar antics.

Irene assured Diana that she understood where she was coming from and that she would try to make Sam hear the voice of reason. She also warned her to be cautious and get the hell out if the Daryl ever “got too friendly”.

So yeah, add that to Diana’s messy pile of Things That Could Go Wrong. Along with her making an ass of herself due to a bow malfunction or accidentally shooting Daryl in the ass. Or just totally sucking at the whole archery stuff in general, among other totally plausible things that weren’t the product of her anxious brain whatsoever.

She was mostly concerned about how she’ll ask him.

She formulated and reformulated the same basic question in her mind over and over again. Different variations in approach and tone and casualty and posture and gesticulation. To each scenario, she imagined possible answers and reactions from his side and how she would respond in accordance. And so on and on and on.

oOo

Diana gave her mom her empty plastic plate. She had finished up only by obligation and the knowledge that she would never be stupid to the point of skipping a meal in this time and age. Nausea could pass, starvation wouldn’t.

With a wavering grateful smile, she stood to her full height, trying to draw in strength and courage with every deep breath. Her stomach rebelled against the food and she brought a hand to her mouth. Alice patted her stomach with a half-hearted “There, there.”

A final deep exhale that she didn’t want to think of as a desperate sigh and she fetched her bow from their shared tent. It felt like it trembled nervously in her hands, or maybe that was just her.

“Hey, break a leg. Figurative or metaphorical is up to you,” was Alice’s idea of a pep talk, which Diana accepted with a blank face and two unexcited thumbs up.

Felix slammed a fist onto his open palm. “Just do it, bro. Just do it.”

“You two are the best at this,” Diana breathed out, not very surprised, and turned to her mom. “How ‘bout you, _mami_ , got some great insight to offer too? Some amazing advice?”

Irene shrugged and scraped inedible leftovers off a plate into a plastic bag. “I already said what I had to say.”

“Thanks, okay, I’m-”

“But I guess it doesn’t hurt to tell you again: _pelo amor de Deus_ , please be careful.”

“ _Mami_ -”

“I know you’re a big girl, but God knows you can be a little too willing to see the good in everyone, even if it’s barely there. You forget people are always out to find a way to stab you in the back. I know by personal experience, and they were the very opposite of strangers.”

“I know, _mami_ , nothing’s gonna happen, nothing _can_ happen, I’ll be near camp!” The hurt and regretful look her mom sent before looking away had her reeling back to a few days back; she’d also been near and so much had been on the verge of happening. Her skin crawled and her breath hitched. “It’s not like- I trust him.”

“And that’s what worries me most.”

“Fine, _‘tou a ir_!” Diana huffed and stomped away. She was well aware of her shortcomings, but constantly having it thrown at her face did get tiring.

She wanted to be able to trust people without being hindered by it. She wanted to keep her optimism without it being a weakness. She also wanted her family to realize that not everyone was out to get them. Being open toward others didn’t mean she was open about herself.

Diana strode through the camp, greeting some of her ‘patients’ here and there. She had to excuse herself when they wanted to have a word with her, and she searched for the one person she couldn’t seem to find.

She was about to turn tail and let herself be content with the attempt when the lightness of her relief was weighted down by the sight of Daryl, stalking in her direction. Or not.

A line of furry things hung on a string from his shoulder. It looked like he was making a habit of hunting for them, Diana thought, just as he’d done when it had just been the seven of them. That was actually nice of him.

Before she could get a nervous word in greeting, he passed by her and continued on his trail. He stopped only in front of Shane, who’d been messing with a radio thing he’d set up, and threw the game at his feet.

“Here’s your damn meat! You wanna feed your people so bad, get someone else’s ass to do it or do it your damn self! I’m done doing y’all favors,” he bellowed.

Diana raised her eyebrows in surprise and curiosity and just a tiny bit of thirst for drama, and stepped closer to the two men.

Daryl’s voice had turned a few heads, but they scattered once Shane rose from his crouch to confront him, fixing him with a disbelieving stare.

Seriously, three days in and there was already animosity between these two?

Men.

Daryl faced Shane with a puffed chest, narrowed blue eyes, and a readiness for whatever was to come. Shane’s dark eyes were clouded with irritation.

Boys, put away the rulers.

The last thing any of them needed was for a fight to break out between the two men. No matter how much Diana longed to witness the drama of it all. Since she was the only person who stuck around in her stunned stupor, she guessed she would be the fool that would have to tear them apart if things got ugly. She never asked for this life. Where was Lori when she was needed?

She guessed Shane wasn’t one to turn to violence quickly, due to his career in law enforcement. She wasn’t sure how things would go down if the other person was Daryl.

So, better safe than sorry.

Diana took a deep, shuddering breath and slipped her bow on so it crossed her torso diagonally like she’d seen archers do in fantasy movies. It wasn’t very comfortable.

She walked right in the middle of them, turning to Daryl. Her height was a great advantage when blocking his view of Shane and vice versa. “Hey, Daryl, great- great to see you. I was uh, looking for you, actually,” she spoke in a rush, moving along with him to block his movements.

“Not now,” he hissed and glared above her shoulder.

“Yeah, run along now, girl.  Best keep to your place. Your friend here clearly has got something to say,” Shane added and Diana stopped in place.

Had she heard him right?

“Run along, girl”? “Best keep to your place”? What and who did he think he was? And what exactly did he think her place was?

Diana pivoted slowly on the heels of her sneakers to face him, face frozen into an outraged glare.

The worst was that he didn’t even grace her with a look of acknowledgment. He completely ignored her presence. It was as if she was nothing more than a speck of dust on his shoe.

Maybe it was her period weighing in, but Diana felt rage churning in her center. It spread through her veins, making her blood boil and her face flush.

She gathered her courage. She knew nothing of the dispute between the men at her front and back. She didn’t care less right now, but she knew that Shane, former Sheriff’s deputy or not, did _not_ dismiss her, Diana Letícia García de Oliveira Lobo, like she was nothing.

She’d been treated like that before, on more occasions than she bothered to count, at work and in daily life. With her patients she felt obligated to bear it, especially since she’d been only a student. She had no such obligation towards Shane, no contract hanging over her head forcing her to behave and accept the blatant disregard with which he had treated her.

“Excuse me, _seu grande filho da puta_?!” She felt dirty for cursing in her native tongue, but the impact was that much bigger.

Diana raised an arched eyebrow, shifted her weight to one foot and crossed her arms tightly over her chest: righteous-bitch-pose activated.

“Look, I absolutely do _not_ give a flying, walking or crawling _fuck_ about what’s going on here,” she bit out and gestured between Shane and Daryl, the former finally glancing at her. He looked surprised at her sudden and uncharacteristic aggressive demeanor. “But you do not fucking talk to me like that!”

She glared at him and poked him in the chest at every word. “I am not your servant-”

“I didn’t mean it like-”

“You don’t fucking interrupt me; I swear to God! I have had to deal with a lot of shit from pretentious white men who think they’re God’s gift to humanity, and I’m not here for this bullshit.

“You are not my superior, _Shane_ ,” she spat out his name, “you are not entitled to ordering me around, and I promise that the next time you disrespect me, you will wake up a pair of balls short,” she hissed to his face.

Before the man had time to gather his wits and register her threats, Diana whirled around, grabbed a silent-struck Daryl by the crook of his elbow and led him away with hasty steps to his and Merle’s truck. To her luck, Merle wasn’t around.

With her heart pounding against her ribcage, Diana almost threw herself behind the truck in an attempt to hide. She sat with her back against the back tire, the bow digging into her flesh. One hand grabbed onto the truck while the other clasped her chest, right above her racing heart. Her breathing was rapid and ragged. The adrenaline gave her the feeling of having finished a ride in the world’s biggest rollercoaster.

“Oh my God,” she breathed out and grabbed her face. “Oh my God.”

She ignored Daryl’s shuffling feet to her right in order to deal with her panic.

“ _What did I do?_ ” She peeked over the bed of the pickup. “Is he- is he coming after me?” She fell back to sit on her heels and fanned her face while regulating her breaths. “It’s fine, he’s not coming to murder me in a blind rage, it’s cool, cool cool cool cool. I didn’t just insult and threaten a big man with a gun. He’s a cop, he wouldn’t- unless he’s corrupt,” she gasped, still murmuring to herself.

Diana was startled out of her downward-spiraling, manic thoughts by a nudge to her thigh, which made her sway in her crouch. Her hand flew out to stabilize her. She looked at the boot and then followed up the length of the leg and up, straining her neck to look up at Daryl.

He tilted his head to her then looked away, arms crossed as he leaned against the bed of the truck. “You done acting crazy?”

Diana faced forward again, her mind feeling somewhat clearer.

She was horrified by how she’d spoken to Shane, no matter how much he deserved it. She hadn’t been raised like that, to explode in someone’s face at the slightest inconvenience. She knew that had her mom witnessed it, Diana would’ve been, well, fucked, to put it crudely.

Calm first and foremost, handle things with grace and poise and the dignity of a queen. All things she’d foregone.

Not to mention Shane would never take her seriously after that. And she needed his approval, one way or another, just like she pseudo-needed everyone’s approval. Some words from Shane and people would look at and treat her differently. His opinion mattered to them, and their opinion of her mattered to Diana.

She sighed once more and massaged her forehead, forcing away a light headache. “I don’t know,” Diana confessed, “maybe. I think so.” She could deal with this later like she always did. She had other issues right now, now that she’d found Daryl.

“Then stand up, ‘cause I sure as hell ain’t crouching.” He nudged her again, forcing her to stand lest she tipped over.

Diana noticed Daryl’s blue gaze on her and felt blood rushing up her neck and resting on her cheeks.  

Not only had she acted like a bitch, she’d also had a witness to the whole thing. A witness she wouldn’t be able to avoid forever in order to pretend nothing had happened.

She brought her hands to cover her flushed cheeks and let out a sound halfway between a whine and a groan. “That was so embarrassing,” she confessed and glanced at the man at her side, gauging his reaction.

Daryl scoffed and kicked some dirt under his foot. “Embarrassing? Hell, I was gonna say damn brave, guy’s a grade-A asshole.”

“Noo…” Diana dragged, defending weakly, “I mean, yeah uh- kinda, but he seemed okay like, in the beginning… before he talked.”

Diana lowered her hands and interlaced her fingers, before deciding that pose looked too forced and putting them in the small pockets of her jean shorts. No, that didn’t feel right. She was going to put her hands on her hips but then went for a simple cross of her arms, mirroring Daryl.

Daryl’s brow furrowed into a narrow gaze at her, one corner of his lip pulled in a sneer. “Never woulda taken you for an apologist,” he barked, making her flinch slightly at the tone, “especially not for a jackass like Mr. Sheriff, and especially not after that beat down some days back.”

Ghost hands groped and grabbed at her and she physically shook her head and clenched her fists until it hurt. She’d won, she’d won. She was safe.

Yeah, total not a dick move to remind her of that.

“I’m not an apologist,” Diana asserted, uncrossing her arms and pivoting to Daryl. “I just, I shouldn’t’ve said what I said, at least, not in the way I did. I completely _versaut_ everything, he’s gonna be on my case forever.”

“None of it’s on you.”

“He’s… he’s got influence. I don’t want people summing me up to an angry black woman that goes around threatening people if they step on my toes. I guess I just- it matters what they think.”

“Then they a bunch of short-sighted, bootlicker nothings. You done right for yourself. Piss on whoever makes ya feel bad about it,” he said and faced away to spit on the ground.

Diana digested his words. His aggressive approach made it sound worse than it was, but it was surprisingly encouraging, she had to give him that. If only it was so easy to switch off inside her whatever made her feel incredibly self-conscious of her actions and its consequences. Yeah, it didn’t work like that. Regrettably.

She leaned against the truck. Her lower lip trapped between her teeth, chewing on a bit of chapped skin and staring at Daryl with unfocused eyes as she mulled over her thoughts.

“Quit that,” he said, irritated, and startling her.

Her eyes focused, going from a spot on his collarbone up to his narrowed eyes. He was very irritable that day. More than usual, for what she knew of him.

“Sorry.” Think-staring was a habit she couldn’t break. “I guess Shane was a complete tool but they listen to him and need him.”

“They? It ain’t ‘we’?” Daryl asked and Diana raised her eyes to meet his ever-narrowed ones. It surprised her to see genuine curiosity, only partially hidden by disinterest.

Diana thought about it and shook her head a bit. “I don’t think so, no. It’s too soon.” She propped her elbow on the metal ridge of the bed of the pickup and rested her chin on the palm of her hand.

Daryl nodded in understanding and dragged himself away from her. She followed his movements with her eyes. He opened the tailgate and dropped his crossbow there while she looked at his profile.

He probably felt the same way. At least she’d had Glenn to make her feel welcome, and her ‘patients’ to make her feel useful. The campers seemed to keep their distance from the brothers, so she could imagine it would be hard to feel part of a group that treated you like an outsider.

That line of thought raised a question. Should she ask it? Daryl was in an off mood and there was an 80% chance her question could make it worse. It burned in her mind, though, and the curiosity was making her restless. She’d face those odds.

She fiddled with the hem of her shirt and crossed and uncrossed her arms, not knowing how to position herself without feeling off place and artless.

Diana cleared her throat to capture Daryl’s attention. When his blue eyes when on her, she felt the vice on her chest tighten, but she bore through it. “Um, like, if you don’t mind my asking- if I could, you know, ask what that was between you and Shane- I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything; it’s none of my business, I know! I’m just- I’m curious because of what you said to him- before- about-”

“Yeah, I know what I said,” he muttered gravely and crossed his arms tightly over his chest. That subconsciously drew Diana’s eyes to the swell of his biceps. Her gaze found its way back to his at Daryl’s next words. “You’re right, it ain’t your business.”

Diana pursed her lips in slight disappointment and sheepishness. She lowered her eyes to her sneakers, dirty and speckled with God knows what.

The rejection stung a bit after she’d gathered the courage to ask. It was understandable, though. They barely knew each other; whatever camaraderie she’d felt towards him was possibly just a mix of innocent gratitude and the common understanding two people feel when they hate the same person. Although hate was a strong word for what she felt for Shane.

It’s not as if they were buddy-buddies who told each other everything that was going on in their soul. She was not that type of person herself, so she understood Daryl’s need to keep to himself.

Still, something bothered her. “You know, I'm not your enemy. If- if anything, I might be the closest thing you have to a… a friend in this place, you know? I mean, excluding your brother.”

“You don’t know my life,” he whispered through clenched teeth. It should’ve been a sign that Diana had gone too far and should stop.

She’d never been too good at reading signs.

“I know _that_.” She didn’t know why she insisted. She just wanted him to know that he was not completely surrounded by people who disliked him.

“You don’t know me. You don’t know the first goddamn thing about me ‘cept my name. I don’t fucking know where you got the idea that we’re _friends_ ,” he hissed the word like it was venom in his mouth. It made Diana want to take a step back, but she stood her ground.

“I ain't told you to be my friend. Hell, I don't need your fucking friendship. I don't want it. I _do_ want you to go back to frolicking to your house of the fuckin’ prairie and stay the hell away from me with that fake happy-go-lucky annoying attitude!”

Would it be cliché if Diana admitted that she felt something inside her break? Because his words hurt and they hurt a lot. She’d never felt so little and so humiliated since she’d been a child getting scolded in front of the whole class by her favorite teacher.

Her voice was small and strained and she couldn’t tear her gaze from the ground. “I understand, okay, I get called annoying a lot.” It took a lot of effort to not blink and let the tears on her lower eyelid overflow. “Why do you do that?” She choked on her next words. “They see a- a short-tempered loud redneck when I- I know you're more than that. I've seen you be kind. Why hide it?”

Daryl’s features scrunched up. “Know what? Fuck you! You can go on pretending all you like to see some other side or whatever bullshit. This is who I am, I don't pretend to be someone I ain’t, and unlike you, I don't give two shits about what you or any other bootlicker in this shithole of a camp thinks of me!” Daryl stomped past her. He climbed inside the pickup’s cabin and slammed the door shut, making the vehicle rock and Diana flinch and sniffle.

Thoughtlessly she ran away to where they practiced self-defense. She passed blurry faces that tried to get her attention or ask her what was wrong. She didn’t care for false sympathies and she did _not_ want anyone to see her like this.

The first thing she did when she got there was cry. Big fat tears and body-shaking sobs of hurt and self-pity. The strain almost made her have an asthma attack, and she forced herself to calm down, to rationalize her emotions and maybe make the pain in her chest stop.

What that succeeded was in angering her. Why had she let herself get talked to like that when she hadn’t hesitated to give Shane a piece of her mind? She was angry at herself for being so pathetic that she’d just stood there and took it. And she was angry at Daryl, for fooling her into thinking he was worthy of her trust and protection.

She picked up random rocks and twigs and the occasional bottle cap off the ground and hurled them into the distance in her rampage. Her anger felt like electricity under her skin. Energy that made her want to punch and kick anything or anyone.

She was one second away from throwing her bow on the ground when it sent a shock up her forearm. She dropped it limply while jumping away.

“What!? You got something against me, too? I annoy you, too? Am I a fucking burden to you, too?” She paced back and forth, staring at it, actually waiting for some manifestation of an answer. Then she sighed in dejection and picked it back up. “Sorry.”

To think she actually thought Daryl was a decent person, psh!

Obviously, she didn’t know him that well, like he’d alleged. What she’d thought him to be really deviated largely from what she’d just seen.

She could understand that he had been having a bad day. With his dispute with Shane or whatever was on his mind. Hell, she could forgive it because everyone had their off days. But she hadn’t deserved to take the full brunt of it.

She had no idea what went on behind the curtains of his mind. He seemed like a very reserved person, the kind that deals with their troubles by letting them fester inside while the resulting emotions bubble up to the surface. And they slipped through the cracks of his almost perfect armor of impartiality and gave way to displays like this one.

The rage in her stomach simmered down to a mild inconvenience mingled with ever-present hurt as Diana, once again, tried to empathize with him. It made sense that he’d be so prickly. Shane, a group he’s not welcomed in, and like he said, her pestering him. He had the right to be grumpy. He just didn’t have the right to take it out on her.

But that would be the first and last time. A one-time trial.

Her mom had always jokingly, but in all seriousness, said that if Sam ever raised a hand to hurt her that he’d either find himself very much divorced or missing a hand or both. While Diana wasn’t married to Daryl, and the case was of the verbal variety, she felt the sentiment still applied.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are the ones that I ended up changing the most. Mainly because I had this scene written somewhere in my notes and I wanted to use it, and because what I had before was a bunch of baloney and I was completely unsatisfied with it.
> 
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	12. messenger of good will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> half a chapter to fill in some holes, i might do these more often, just portraying small moments

After the dispute and her pity party, the last thing Diana wanted to do was face her family. It was all too fresh. They’d figure out something was wrong in just one look.

She sat on the field for a little while, watching the wispy clouds fly by. When the heat became too much, she stood and left.

“Hey, Diana,” a feminine voice sweet like honey called out. Amy. Her blonde hair plus white shirt hurt Diana’s eyes at first glance. She was so pretty.

Diana raised a hand in greeting and mustered a smile. There was nothing wrong and she was fine. Her internal monologue repeated that mantra over and over. “What’s up?”

Amy smiled in return and fell in step with Diana. “You going to your post?”

Diana nodded and lifted one shoulder. “Gotta do something, right?”

“Yeah… About yesterday…” she started. Diana knew where this was going.

The day they’d arrived at the Quarry, Dale had kindly lent her some space by his RV and helped her set up her medical office, if one could call it that. He’d then introduced her to Amy and Andrea.

Andrea had been friendly but seemed skeptical of her. It was understandable, Diana was a practical stranger, one she didn’t want interacting with her little sister. Diana could relate. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t win her over.

Amy had been more willing to talk to her. She’d attempted some small talk, but Diana’s ineptitude with chit-chat shut down the interaction pretty fast. She still felt guilty about it. She remembered how sad and let down Amy had looked. And how cornered she had felt.

Anyway, the next day, Amy had come to her again. This time as a patient. She’d been having weird cravings and her period was two weeks late. She’d been on the verge of freaking out and didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. She’d been scared to talk to Andrea about it, afraid of how she’d react.

So Diana had listened and comforted her as best as she could. She didn’t know much about pregnancy because she’d worked and studied in a rehabilitation clinic, after all. She tried dispelling her fears, but there was nothing she could say to definitively take away Amy’s every doubt, so she’d been kind of useless. It was an awful thing to be.

Amy looked around them in conspiracy and leaned in. “I got my period this morning.”

“Congratulations!” What did you say in such a situation? “I told you there was nothing to worry about.” Diana patted her upper arm.

“I know, it’s just, the time window fit. It didn’t come for a month and a half, it was totally inside the lines. Mike and I… well, the time fit.”

“Well, good…” This was very awkward. She didn’t want to discuss Amy’s sex life as a ‘civilian’. “I’ll be sure to write that down.”

“Thanks for yesterday. I was totally paranoid.”

“I get that.”

“Pregnant! I mean… That would’ve been…”

“Yeah…” Diana pursed her lips and nodded tersely.

They arrived at the RV. Amy’s look was expectant, as if she waited for Diana to elaborate. Diana had no freaking clue what there was left to say.

She pointed at her station. “Well, I gotta…”

“Oh, yeah- yeah, I understand. Thanks for talking me down and everything.” Amy nodded with a kind smile. “It was nice of you to listen.”

“No problem, it’s… it’s what I do.” Diana gave her a tight-lipped smile as she propped her bow against the RV, next to her table.

“I’ll be sure to pop by for a chat sometime soon.”

Diana shrugged. “Yeah sure, why not?” Please, don’t. “Well, see you.” And then she extended her hand to her.

She extended her hand. For a handshake.

Amy furrowed her brow but managed a chuckle and then shook it. “See ya.”

When she walked away, Diana plopped down on her chair and dropped her head onto the table. Her forehead connected with a pang that made her groan with pain and delayed embarrassment.

She was a fool.

Amy had been waiting for something from her, possibly some way to start a conversation or develop past their awkward first interactions. Of course, Diana’s introverted ass went blank. Not only that, but Amy was very pretty and pretty girls made Diana nervous. Her pansexual ass also went blank.

Feeling completely silly, Diana sat upright and rubbed her sore forehead.

Great. Not only that, she’d also forgotten her medkit at home camp. She sighed. Her day just kept getting better and better. At least Amy hadn’t commented on her puffy eyes.

“Diana?”

Oh, great. Diana looked up. Lori.

Upon seeing her unchanging expression of indifference, the woman gave her a tentative smile.

“Are you okay, sweetie? You look tired.” Lori stepped forward and grabbed hold of the back of the ‘patient’s chair’ in permission.

Diana straightened her spine with a deep inhale and nodded in consent. Lori took the seat. “I’m fine. Something troubling you?” She schooled her features into a look she’d wear to work and leaned on the table.

A shake of the head from Lori. “Not, not personally. It’s…”

“Is it Carl?”

“No he’s fine, he’s… adapting.”

“That’s great. It’s not easy for a child, all of… this.” Diana gestured with her hands. She avoided mentioning the death of his dad. The subject was too loaded for the situation and she didn’t know how fragile Lori was from his loss.

“He’s doing amazing. Shane’s been helping us immensely. I’m… I’m very grateful.”

“Uh-uh.” Diana tried to remain neutral.

Lori tilted her head to the side. “He’s actually the reason why I’m here.”

“Oh?” She would’ve been lying if she said she hadn’t been expecting that. “Why’s that?”

“Come on, Diana, I’ve heard what happened. Shane, he’s… he feels bad that you took his words in such a negative way. He didn’t mean any harm.”

Diana avoided Lori’s empathetic eyes. Shane’s words replayed in her head and despite how much she’d regretted her explosion initially, she knew she’d been right. “Is that all?”

“Could you at least look at me?”

“Lori, no offense, but I really don’t wanna listen to this right now.” Diana crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. She stared off to her right, her eyes following little Sophia as she dragged herself to her beckoning father. Maybe if she didn’t look at Lori she would go away.

“I’m not gonna go away if you ignore me.”

Damn it.

Diana sighed deeply and her eyes eventually found Lori’s.

“Shane-”

“God, Lori, if he felt that bad he would’ve come himself!” Diana threw her hands up. She’d had enough of being treated like shit today. “You don’t gotta lie for him. It doesn’t make him look any better.”

Lori reached around the table and touched Diana’s knee. Diana willed her hand away with her eyes, but Lori didn’t seem to notice or persisted through it. “He told me what he said. He just didn’t want you getting caught in the middle of something that you have no business in. Especially with Daryl involved. You never know what he might do.”

“Everyone’s just assuming what my business is nowadays,” Diana murmured. Her head hurt. Everything came forward at once and she wanted to whimper and be swept away by self-pity while in the safety of her mom’s embrace. Instead she inhaled deeply and shook off Lori’s hand. “He made it my business when he treated me like I was nothing.”

“I think you’re being a little dramatic.”

Diana breathed in through flared nostrils. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.”

“Diana.”

“I think you should leave.” It took a lot of courage to say it out loud. “If you need medical help, feel free, but otherwise… just leave.”

“He’s a good man. You don’t know him well enough yet, but he’d never do anything to hurt one of us.”

 _I’m not one of you._ Diana wanted to reply, but refrained herself. She was feeling hurt and emotional. She’d say things she didn’t mean and ruin everything. That was the last thing she wanted. Her righteous but partially hormonal moodiness wouldn’t justify her and her family being ostracized.

“I understand,” she said instead. Diana was a people pleaser; it was time to do some pleasing. She was also not against lying for her own benefit. Maybe it would get Lori to back off and drop the subject completely. “I get it. He _was_ just looking out for me, I guess.”

“Yes.” Lori smiled and touched Diana’s knee again. Why did she insist on doing that? “He’s a good man, Diana.”

Diana nodded, hoping it was convincing enough.

“There’s something else.” She squeezed Diana’s knee for emphasis. “Stay away from the Dixons. They’re not good company.”

Diana ignored the fact that she was pissed at one half of them and could barely tolerate the other half. Lori didn’t need to know that. She frowned in confusion. “We _came_ here with them.”

“Yes, but-”

“I think I know them better than you do, to be honest.”

“I’m just trying to look out, you’re young and impressionable. I was fascinated with bad boys at your age.”

“I’m sorry, is your name Irene?”

“Sorry?”

“Is your name Irene?” Diana emphasized every word.

“Diana…”

“I already have a mom; I don’t need this kind of advice from you. Thanks.” Diana did not appreciate being patronized. Especially by a woman who didn’t know the first thing about her.

Wow. She could understand a little bit why Daryl had exploded at her.

Lori didn’t say anything in return, just stared at Diana, who stared right back.

Carl came running up to them, calling for his mom. It succeeded in distracting Lori and Diana sighed in relief. Thank God for children and their constant need for attention.

Diana smiled and waved at Carl, who shied away behind his mom, now that she’d stood up. The kid had no fault in anything. And his blue eyes were too cute and irresistible.

“Think about it,” Lori said while stroking her son’s hair. Then they left.

Diana released a deep breath and rubbed her eyes. Was it National Bother Diana Day or something? It sucked.

“I believe in redemption.” The sudden disembodied voice caused Diana to startle.

“The fuckening?!” She stood abruptly and looked around. Then up. Then she noticed Dale on the roof of the RV. “Oh, no,” she whispered. “Hi, Dale.”

“Sweetheart,” he greeted, his eyes on the horizon. He looked down at her and smiled. His crazy bushy eyebrows raised like an owl’s. “I’d ask how you’re doing, but I’ve heard enough to know the answer.”

“Yeah…” Diana looked down at her fidgeting hands. “Can you keep it secret? I don’t like people knowing my business.” It was ironic and a little bit hypocritical.

“Keep what a secret?”

Diana squinted up at Dale’s enigmatic smile and offered him a grateful one. Then she sighed a deep weary sigh and looked over her shoulder. None of these problems would’ve actually been problems if she’d learned how to hold her tongue. That wasn’t even normally an issue with her.

“Dale, what d’you mean with redemption? Who’re you talking about?”

The man lifted one shoulder. “Whoever seeks redemption shall eventually reach it. Hopefully.”

Diana sighed and nodded. “Okay, great.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you heard it here first folks, this just in, Diana likes boys and girls and everything in between and beyond
> 
> also, other stuff happened
> 
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	13. poppy and the gang

oOo

“Hey, you doing okay?” Glenn asked, lowering his hand of cards and bringing Diana out of her dejected thoughts.

Shortly after lunch, Glenn had dropped by with a deck of cards and both of them had taken residence in Diana’s shared tent. There they’d been staying short of an hour, with Glenn attempting to teach Diana to play poker, which she was failing miserably at. The strange terms and rules confused her and, according to Glenn, she had a terrible poker face.

Therefore, it was obvious that majority of the chips – some smooth pebbles the kids had collected by the shore – were sitting in front of Glenn in neat oversized piles and he was diligently after the ones spread on the ground between them.

Diana looked up at him and nodded largely in answer, a tentative smile growing on her lips. “Yeah.”

She hadn’t told anyone of her less-than-pleasant exchange with Daryl the day before, not even her siblings and especially not her parents. She knew what kind of reprimand awaited her if she said anything about it. And knowing her dad, she knew he wouldn’t sit quiet and accept it, so she kept it secret for Daryl’s sake as well.

She glanced outside, the day hot and humid and brighter than the muted inside of the tent. She could see her mom walk past every now and then, tending to whatever issue was keeping her busy and low-key keeping an eye on them. Alice and Felix were not around, out helping with tutoring again. Or rather, Felix played with Carl’s Pokémon card collection while Alice helped Lori tutor the kids. Sam was nowhere to be seen. He had to be forced to leave when Glenn had arrived, just so he’d stop trying – and succeeding – to intimidate the poor guy.

“Diana, I think already told you a thousand times: you have a tell.” Glenn cast his cards aside and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Something you wanna talk about?”

Diana studied Glenn’s concerned features, happy to see it wasn’t shallow curiosity that led him to ask the question.

She knew Glenn pretty well by now. He enjoyed filling the odd silence in their conversations with snippets about his childhood antics and teenage shenanigans. Since that was something she hesitated in.

And so, it was only fair she let him in. But it was also unfair to burden him with her troubles.

So she shook her head politely and gave him an apologetic look.

Glenn leaned back. “It’s okay, I get it. But just so you know, you _can_ talk to me. About anything you want.”

“Thanks, Glenn, and you too, you know?” After a beat, she added, “I think I… I think I probably don’t deserve you.”

“What? Shut your mouth.” He scratched the back of his head and chuckled abashedly. “C’mon, I’m not that big of a deal. I’m just a guy that used to deliver pizzas.”

“Yeah, and how would we eat delicious, cheesy pizza if we didn’t have you?” They shared a grin at the inside joke. “You underestimate yourself, pal.”

“And you’re kinda overestimating me.”

“No, I’m not,” Diana said and shook her head once. Sincerity painted on her face and lilting in her voice. “I say it as I see it. You’ve known me for less than a week – a _week_ , Glenn – and you’ve done so much for me already. You made me feel like I belong here, like I’m welcomed here and… and wanted. That’s not an easy thing to me.” She faltered a bit, then reached over their forgotten game and laid a gentle hand on his upper arm. “Thank you for that, I really, really mean it.”

Glenn looked stunned back at her. His ears were red like torches. He composed himself and asked, “Is this the part where you confess your undying love for me and I have to gallantly reject you?”

Diana laughed sincerely, retreated her hand to her lap and lifted one shoulder. “Why not?” The laughter dropped from the lines of her face and she gave Glenn a look full of emotion that looked and felt so excruciatingly real, that she even felt her heart pick up its pace. She touched a hand to her chest and sighed wistfully. “Glenn Rhee, how can I possibly attempt to convey these feelings through words alone?

These four _long_ days that I have spent in your lovely company have been, without a doubt, the best of my life. I can no longer imagine going on without you; if you’re not here, I am _nothing_. Nothing but a speck of dust floating aimlessly in this vast, empty world.” At this point, she took one of his hands in hers and intensified the passionate look. Glenn swallowed visibly and his blush expanded to his cheeks and neck. “You mean the world to me and I love you! What do you say?”

Glenn blinked at her and snapped his mouth shut. “I- oh, uh- how could I have been such a- a blind fool and not have noticed these deep feelings you harbor for me? And while I am _utterly_ flattered, I must tell you-”

“No, please say it’s not so!”

“-my heart already belongs to another.” Glenn turned his head gracefully away. He slipped his hand from Diana’s to cradle it against his chest like a dainty dame.

Diana, in turn, straightened her back, looking enraged. “No, I refuse to accept this! Who is this person? I shall fight them for your affections!”

“That is very noble of you, but I’m afraid affairs of the heart cannot be settled through duel… Aaand I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep up. Cut, stop, whatever.” Glenn gestured the end of the scene with his arms and faced Diana, who glowed with mirth. “How come _I_ was the blushing maiden?”

“Because I just _exude_ older, more experienced madam. Can’t you feel all this exuding?” She waved her arms around as if trying to catch a whiff of a perfume.

“How come you’re so bad at keeping a straight face in poker, but whipped out that effortless acting?”

Diana shrugged loosely and made a typical ‘I dunno’ sound. She liked pretending to be someone else, that was about it. It was embarrassing, the number of times she’d acted out made up villain monologues while home alone.

The subject brought Glenn to share some of his acting experiences. In special obligatory school plays like every year’s nativity scene in primary school, which he’d had to take part in despite having been raised by Buddhist parents.

After laughing about it together and loosening up a bit, Diana decided to also recount some funny and embarrassing moments she’d gone through with middle school theatre and musicals. She told him the awful details about a particular time where she’d had to wear three outfits on top of each other because she’d be participating in three different musicals with little to no time to change in between. She’d looked like a sausage about to keel over and die from heat stroke.

In the mood of laughter and companionship, Diana’s mind turned once again to how much she appreciated Glenn and his friendship. And his acceptance and openness had mostly been met with selfishness from her and he deserved more than that. All she’d done was take and take and give almost nothing in return.

She steeled herself, mentally scolding the butterflies in her stomach, willing them to settle down, and dragged in a deep breath. “I had a fight with Daryl.”

Glenn sobered up immediately, surprised at the sudden confession. “What?”

“It was mostly one-sided, though, he-uh, I stood there and he yelled at me,” she started lamely and simply, “I don’t being yelled at.”

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone does, actually. You really know how to turn a conversation around, wow,” he breathed.

“I’m sorry.” She shouldn’t have said anything. She was just making him worry about her problems that she should be solving on her own.

“No, no, don’t be sorry, you just caught me by surprise.” He scratched his forehead and exhaled long and deep. “I mean; how did this happen?”

“Well, it’s kind of a long story?”

“Okay then, yeah, let me check my agenda real quick- c’mon, as if I have anything better to do. You’re my friend, I care. Even if I had something to do, I think it could wait.”

Despite his good intentions, those words only reminded Diana of what a shitty friend she’d been back B.A. She really didn’t know what she’d done to deserve Glenn.

She told him everything. She omitted as to why she’d been searching for Daryl in the first place and spared no detail. From Shane’s unpleasant comment to Daryl praising her ‘bravery’ to him flipping out on her and every word hurled at her and how much they’d hurt.

She talked and Glenn listened. He nodded along and commented his indignation when it was appropriate and it was clear on his face and wound up posture how vexed he was by the whole thing. His attention made Diana feel glad to have taken the leap of faith and confided in him. By the end of the tale, he was fuming.

“What a white-trash dumbass!”

Diana chuckled uncomfortably and lifted one shoulder. That was the exact reaction she’d told Daryl about, and now she was the one allowing that frame of mind to be born. She didn’t want that.

“Eh, what can I say, yesterday wasn’t his best day. Mine neither, I guess.”

It made her angry that even while complaining about him she still found a way to defend him. That was some victim of abuse level of apologist view right there. She didn’t want that either.

“And he didn’t even think to apologize? Did he even notice what the hell went out his mouth?”

“I don’t know, I… I left. But let’s be real for a sec, what’re you expecting? I mean, I know that if that were me, even if I felt sorry right away, my pride would never let me apologize so soon.”

“Screw pride, he said awful things, it should weigh on his conscience if he even has one. I’d go talk to him, but the dude kinda scares me if I’m being completely honest.”

Diana widened her eyes at him. “I wouldn’t want you to, you kidding me? This is my problem. You don’t gotta do anything. Just, maybe, some friendly advice?”

“Uh, sure, of course.” Glenn looked away for a moment, reflecting on the situation. “I think you should demand an apology.”

Diana could’ve laughed. Her? Demand? She did her moments of boldness now and then that did show she was capable of the such a thing, but it just felt so _strange_ to think about. Generally, she tried to avoid confrontation like the plague. Making demands would be going against that and she wasn’t sure she felt comfortable with that idea. She was a people-pleaser through and through.

She sucked air through her teeth. “Hmm, I don’t know, Glenn. I’m not great at that. I mean, I’d be okay if I had like, more familiarity with him, but um- I don’t think so.”

Glenn sighed. “Okay, then ask nicely, no demands. But if your problem is just asking for an apology in general when it’s clearly his fault, just think this: why even bother with the guy? I mean, he hurt you, and I can tell this is bothering you, so just be done with him.”

Diana tried to laugh and said, “Sounds like you’re telling me to break up with the guy.”

“Diana, I’m serious. I feel – this is gonna sound really weird and awkward and cheesy – but I feel kinda… connected to you? or something, I don’t know, it’s stupid, and I really only want what’s best for you.”

The honesty and bashfulness in his voice made Diana’s heart swell. She leaned forward and threw her arms around Glenn in a grateful, albeit awkwardly positioned, hug. He adjusted himself so it became more comfortable and tightened his arms around her.

She heard him sigh deeply next to her ear and couldn’t help the wide smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

“Why do you smell like men’s cologne?” he asked, arms still around each other.

“It’s my brother’s deodorant. I sweat a lot and it’s stronger.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Thank you, Glenn,” she whispered, cheek pressed to his burning ear, bringing back the mood, “for being so understanding and for being a great person slash friend slash guy I’ll definitely come to for breakup advice.”

“Don’t get sappy on me, Dee,” Glenn teased once they broke apart and tweaked the tip of her nose as a boyish smile appeared on his lips. “But, you know, the world is probably at its worse and everything blows harder than ever, but at least I’m glad I met you.”

“Wow, watch the sap, Glenn, you’re getting all greased up and gooey.”

“Yeah, yeah, so what are you gonna do about your situation, then?” Glenn changed the subject abruptly, probably so Diana wouldn’t notice his red face.

“I honestly don’t know. I want him to apologize for talking to me like that, obviously. But if he doesn’t, there’s not a lot I can do about it, you know? Most I can do is give him the silent treatment, but he probably couldn’t care any less ‘bout whether I speak to him or not. He’d probably be better off like that, so that’d do _absolutamente_ _nada_.”

Glenn consented with a tilt of his head but said nothing. They sat in contemplation for a moment.

Diana inhaled audibly and straightened herself. “Well, the cold shoulder it is!”

“That’s not fair to you, Diana. You deserve better.”

“Again, Glenn, he’s not my boyfriend, we’re not together.”

“I’m just talking simple manners and respect, okay? He doesn’t get to decide if what he said hurt you or not. And I think he knows what he did, so it’s not that that’s stopping him.”

“Yeah, then that’s why my plan is flawless. I don’t have to ask, and if it _does_ weigh on his conscience, he’ll come to me.”

“That’s a pretty flawed plan there. Remind me to never come to you for plans,” Glenn teased.

oOo

Glenn left shortly after Sam’s return, not completely at ease with the man’s hard hazel-green glare. Sam, in turn, drilled Diana with questions about what they’d been doing and what was their relationship. Diana had to assure multiple times it was entirely platonic until he backed down. It was like parents couldn’t understand the concept.

Alice and Felix returned. Since _the_ issue had already been discussed with Glenn and it was hanging so heavily over her head, Diana decided to bring it up to her sister during one of their discussions of who the hell could possibly have shattered Pink Diamond.

“So you mean to tell me your dumb ass called him a friendless loser redneck that no one likes. And you expected him to be okay with it? Tell me, binch, _wie dumm bist du_? ‘Cause I feel we haven’t tapped into all of it yet and I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“But I didn’t- I mean, that's not what I... I guess… when you say it like that, I did sound like a total bitch. What the fuck is my damage?” When Alice inhaled to reply, Diana yelled out, “Don’t! answer that. Purely rhetorical, I know what the fuck’s up with me.”

“And you called yourself his only friend, I mean wtf the fuck?”

“God, I’m such a patronizing asshole!” Diana breathed in mortified realization.

“I don’t know what that means, but yeah, pretty much the biggest asshole in the whole of existence.”

“And- and self-centered.”

“Spot on.”

“And an awful friend, at that. Or acquaintance? Should I really consider myself his friend? I don’t think I deserve that title. He said it, I don’t even know him that well.”

“What’s going on? We roasting her? ‘Cause I’m down for that.”

“Where were you? You’re missing some prime time drama.”

“I was taking a shit.”

“Okay, I definitely didn’t need to know. I’ll explain later, but you can agree with whatever this bitch-ass bitch says or provide your own insults, free-trade and organic.”

“-he probably thinks I’m a- a _bigot_!” Diana stopped her pacing to exclaim in distress.

Felix frowned. “Wait, a _big goat_?”

“Just roll with it.”

“Yeah, you’re a big goat! Ugly-ass sneakers hiding those nasty cloven hooves.”

“How am I coming back from this? I need to fix it; I don't want him to think I meant all that. Then again, Glenn said it was his fault for yelling at me. But he only yelled ‘cause I said _really_ unnecessary things. So it’s my fault!” she concluded.

“Queen of misunderstandings. Duchess of royally fucking up.”

“You fucking horrible human being. Boo you.”

“Seriously, Felix, opportunity of a lifetime and that is what you go with? I am _disappoint_!”

“I basically said I regretted ever meeting him. I think so, did I say that? Oh God, I don't even know anymore!”

Alice shrugged when Diana faced her. “Let's be real, at this pace, you probably said all that and worse.”

“I knew it!”

“Aren't we supposed to be helping her?”

“This binch already knows what to do, I’m just here for the ride.”

“And the insults?”

A smirk formed on Alice’s lips. “Fact the first, she's so in her own mind, she's not listening to anything we say, fact the second, we get to talk shit and get away with it. I rest my case.”

“I've made up my mind. I'll go talk to him and I'll apologize and I’m a tactless monster and I’m not gonna do it just now ‘cause also I’m a coward.”

“ _Gut ge-englischt_.”

Diana sighed, now deflated from her rant and caught up with her mind. She glanced at Alice and Felix, who sat on the folding chairs by the fire pit, watching her meltdown. Alice had a bag of trail mix, somehow, and both were eating from it.

“I’mma go do some nurse stuff and uh, and woman up. Thanks, guys.”

“My pleasure,” Alice said around a mouthful, and then shoved the bag into Felix’s hand. “I don’t even like nuts, what the fuckening.”

“Good.” Felix emptied the whole thing into his mouth.

Alice’s “Dis _gus_ ting!” was the last thing Diana heard before she prepared to head out.

oOo

With her bow put away and medkit in hand, Diana headed to the RV, where Dale had helped her set up an improvised medical office.

She said hello to the older man, who sat on a foldable chair up on the roof of the vehicle, and he raised his fisherman’s hat in greeting. They exchanged simple pleasantries and each continued about their business. For Dale, that meant watching over the camp, its boundaries, and habitants. As for Diana, she set her medkit on the foldable table lent to her, opened the wide parasol, which Dale had informed had belonged to his late wife, Irma, and stuck it on its holder.

She plopped herself down onto her precariously unsteady chair and propped her feet on the one designated for her patients. She sighed at the contrasting coolness in the shade and opened the kit. She had emptied it, updated her inventory, rearranged everything and checked on her patients’ records that she had handwritten herself before her first patient came. It was an older woman whose list of complaints indicated towards hypoglycemia. An easy one to decipher.

Diana gave the woman a dextrose candy from her stash and suggested she eat something more substantial after that, like a piece of fruit and some crackers. Then she wrote everything down on that woman’s sheet, from the symptoms to the solution.

She was the breaking of the dam. Many more people came to her after that. Diana helped them to the extent of her abilities and excused herself when she found her knowledge or resources to be lacking. She was low-key glad about the work; it kept her mind busy.

Many of them came by only to chat, let out frustrations and unburden themselves from whatever went through their mind and troubled their soul. With those, Diana felt more than a little overwhelmed, unsure of how to respond or react. It left her flustered and helpless. She was a good listener, that much was true, but advice and comfort were less her thing.

All in a day’s work, as it was. It turned boring soon, more administrative work to be done than anything else. Not only that, but both Diana’s stomach and uterus complained and called for attention.

She informed Dale of her absence for a quick snack and went into their bathroom area, feeling the tampon she kept inside the cup of her bra press against her flesh. She didn’t want to use the RV’s toilet, paranoid that Dale could see her from above.

Diana returned to her station, relieved and chewing on a crunchy and juicy red apple she’d been offered on her route back.

Inside the closed medkit she’d undoubtedly left open, she found a bundle of flowers meant for her eyes only.

It was only a handful, everything tied together with twine into an aesthetically pleasing bouquet of wildflowers. She recognized some of the plants. Red poppies, white daisies, some fern leaves, and pretty small blue flowers that Diana couldn’t identify.

Diana felt herself flush until sweat broke out near her hairline, sticking her baby hairs to her skin. She put down her apple and raised the bouquet for Dale to see. “Hey, Dale, sorry to interrupt your guarding and all, but d’you see who put this here?”

 _Can you tell me what the hell this nonsense’s about?_ She wanted to ask. Her mind replayed Lori’s ‘he’s a good man’ and her stomach revolted against it. Please no.

Dale used a hand to cover his eyes from the sun and looked down at her and the flowers. He pursed his beard-covered lips and shook his head slowly. “Sorry, sweetheart, whoever did it must’ve caught me during one of my longer blinks.” He gave a breath of laughter. “Those are very nice, by the way. Looks like you might have an admirer.”

“Don’t even joke about something like that, Dale.” Diana shook her head but thanked him.

“ _But_ I might’ve happened to catch someone sneaking around away from everyone’s sight with such a similar assembly of flowers in his possession. And I might’ve thought my old eyes must surely be playing tricks on me. That or my brain isn’t taking well to the heat.”

“Really?” Diana said conspiratorially. She jumped up from her seat and climbed halfway up the ladder to the rooftop to look better at the man.

“Wouldn’t it be nice, though, to keep it in secrecy? Makes it much more romantic,” the man teased with a youthful smile from amidst his white beard. “We all have our secrets after all.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want secret romance. I wanna know who did it,” Diana whined, which caused Dale to laugh and lean forward in his seat.

“I already told you the gender of the person. What other clue should I give you?”

“The name, gimme the name. C’mon, Dale.” Diana bobbed up and down on the rung of the ladder, like an excited child. It seemed to amuse Dale.

“Fine, fine. I admit it was a very strange sight, that of Daryl Dixon, of all people, carrying that. He must move like a shadow if he managed to evade my eyes when dropping them off. That or he made some unpleasant threats to the only person who saw the deed being done.” Dale chuckled and added, “Now what did I say yesterday about redemption?”

Did Dale know? Had he seen it unfold from up on his throne? It didn’t really matter.

Diana’s mouth felt like cotton. She thanked him half-heartedly and slowly descended the ladder, skipping the last two rungs.

She sat down and kept on eating her apple, its juices running down her chin. She wiped them away with the back of her hand almost lethargically. The normalcy of her outward appearance contrasted deeply against the storm raging inside her.

There was a great stabbing of guilt in her gut. Could’ve also been a cramp, but she doubted it. Along that guilt came anger. Going by Alice’s words, Diana had been in the wrong. Going by Glenn’s words, Daryl should be the one apologizing to her. She didn’t know what to think. There was too much going on in her mind right now.

She chewed languidly on her apple. She was glad her patients were leaving her be for the time being, and made herself think rationally.

She would go to Daryl, thank him for the flowers and would ask him for the reason behind the gesture. Play the innocent part and see if he came out and said it himself. Maybe she wouldn’t even need to apologize- Though she suspected that the guilt would linger inside her if she didn’t. She could be a proud and selfish person, but she had her limits.

Diana shook her head in disbelief. She had to admit, she thought he’d be way more proud, that she would have to be the one to make the first move towards forgiveness. At least he was working for it. She couldn’t wrap her mind around that.

Diana finished her apple, barely sated but enough for the moment. She plucked one of the poppies from the bouquet and set it behind her ear, weaving the flexible stem into her bound hair.

“You’re looking nice,” Dale commented from above, his tone of voice enigmatic.

“The flower’s just a bonus, old man, I always look nice,” Diana joked and grinned up at him, eyes almost shut against the sunlight.

“That, my dear, is the purest of truths,” he said sincerely. Diana felt herself grow even warmer and looked away with an embarrassed swat of her hand.

“If anyone asks, I’ve just disappeared mysteriously.”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.”

She liked Dale, that was mostly the reason she allowed him the familiarity of such pet names. His japes reminded her of her deceased grandpa and it was a bittersweet feeling that she welcomed.

Turning away from the RV, Diana allowed herself two seconds to feel the brunt of fretfulness before steeling herself for what was ahead. She didn’t succeed because she couldn’t possibly have voluntary action over it, but it was nice to think she was in control nonetheless.

oOo

“Lookit sweet cheeks, looking all flowery. What’s a nice girl like you doin’ ‘round these parts of this shithole? Oh, I prefer white chocolate over dark myself, but you ain’t bad for what you are, nuh-uh.” Those were the first words out of Merle’s mouth upon seeing Diana. It almost made her turn on her heel and walk right back if she hadn’t had given herself a very aggressive pep talk on the way over.

So no, Merle being an utter moron was not going to make her back down from her quest.

Diana assessed the situation. Merle and Daryl were standing by their truck, they’d been furiously whispering to one another, as if afraid of being overheard or caught in _flagrante delicto_. Their bickering had stopped as soon as they’d spotted her. That was not suspicious at all.

Whatever, that’s not what she was there about. Their business was their business. She was learning it the hard way.

“Wow, lewd and racist, surprising,” Diana whispered to herself and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She ignored him and focused on Daryl. He was studying her, gaze jumping from her to the flower behind her ear and to her again. “I wanna talk to you if that’s okay?” Bonus point for not fucking up the question.

“Oooh, should I not wait up, lil brother?” Merle laughed loudly. This time Diana rolled her eyes so hard it physically hurt.

“Shut the fuck up.” Daryl shot him a glare as he kicked himself away from the truck and walked to her.

Merle whooped at them as they left. Diana gave him the stink eye from over her shoulder.

They stuck to the edge of camp and walked down the path towards the lake. Both agreed on the location without needing to express it verbally, a moment of thoughtless synchronized unity. In the reigning silence, Diana tried to gather her thoughts and calm herself enough to enable some eloquence to enter her brain and stay there.

When they arrived, she guided him to the already preferred spot by the sitting boulder. It was far enough away from the entrance that they wouldn’t be bothered by anyone coming or going nor be seen up from the camp. Dale’s all-seeing eye didn’t reach them there. She checked.

Diana faced the water with Daryl at her side. Her fingers fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, and the butterflies decided to multiply themselves in that exact moment.

“You found ‘em,” Daryl broke the silence, startling Diana. She took a deep breath and looked at him from the corner of her eye.

His arms were crossed, eyes forward, narrowed by the sunlight reflected on the water. His lips were tightly pressed together, as if he was the one suddenly nervous.

Diana resisted the urge to reach and touch the poppy behind her ear. She nodded instead. “Yeah, Dale told me he saw you.” She felt awkward and chastised herself for not waiting a little longer to come up with a better plan instead of confronting him outright.

“Fucking geezer.”

A beat of uncomfortable silence reigned over them. Diana kicked at a pebble under her foot.

“So…”

“You the one said you wanted to talk.”

“Yeah…” Yeah, she’d forgotten everything she wanted to say. “I guess- I’m sorry.”

“…Why?”

Diana faced Daryl’s confusion with a frown of her own. “What you mean why?”

“Why’re you sorry? Why you always apologizing?”

She shrugged uneasily. “I don’t… I don’t know. I just do.”

“You ain’t gotta apologize when you been wronged, it ain’t your fault.” Daryl sounded almost astounded at that.

“I guess, but I did step out of line yesterday, I said some… things that were, you know, kinda insulting and I felt bad that I said those things because, you know… I… I think I was mean.”

Daryl didn’t say anything. He just squinted at her like he was trying to read her. He was almost always squinting, but that was off point.

Diana didn’t like to be read. She squeezed her hands together, her bruised knuckles jolting with pain, and pursed her lips together while looking around.

What were certainly only two seconds felt like two eternities. Then Daryl laughed. Not a belly laugh, that would’ve been weird considering the person and the situation. A single disbelieving chuckle, the result of his inspection.

That’s why Diana didn’t like to be read; the judgment that came afterward.

But Daryl didn’t disclose any of his finds, which was even more frustrating.

“Can I- can I ask why the flowers?” Diana finally asked.

“I might be a jackass but I ain’t daft.” Daryl faced forward and scratched the back of his head. “I treated you like crap.” Before Diana began to protest in his defense, he repeated himself, “I did. I regret it.”

Now, it was Diana who was astounded. She blinked slowly, attempting to process the words into her fumbled brain.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” he asked, furrowing his brow and tilting his head.

Diana shrugged. “You realized you did something you shouldn’t have, you confronted me about it and said you regret it.”

“Thought you were gonna tell me to beg on my knees or some dramatic bullcrap like that.”

“You went out of your way to… to pick flowers. I mean, who does that?” She subconsciously touched the poppy behind her ear. “That was more than you needed to do, seeing that _I_ actually came prepared to say sorry to you myself so…”

“Gotta stop doing that.”

“Yeah, but. Just- I- what I wanted to say was that I don’t know what kind of experience you’ve had with women, but we generally prefer a sincere apology to ‘some dramatic bullcrap’. At least the women I know, do,” Diana said with a small smile. “But I wouldn’t mind you on your knees.”

When Daryl widened his eyes at her, she backtracked and noticed the words out of her mouth. Why didn’t she stop while she was ahead? Why didn’t she have a safety filter? She hadn’t even meant it in a dirty way, so why God, why did it have to sound so obscene?

“I mean like begging, you know- ‘cause you said you were expecting me to tell you to beg on your knees, so that’s what I was talking about, you know- that you could, if you wanted- to kneel down, I mean I-I-” Lightning strike her down. Earth swallow her whole. Just let her taste the sweet relief of death.

“Should be glad Merle ain’t here to hear this.” The was a semblance of an amused smile growing on his lips, though it didn’t last long. It was an expression Diana was seeing for the first time, and she found that she liked it. Better than him scowling at her.

“Ai, don’t even say that,” Diana breathed, slowly recovering from her humiliating babbling. Internally, she thanked Daryl for taking it with good humor. Knowing herself, this moment would be added to her list of cringe-worthy nightly thoughts, so she wasn’t done beating herself over it.

The difference in Daryl’s demeanor from the previous day to now was astounding, Diana thought. But she was not going to make the same mistake of asking about his dilemma with Shane at the risk of irking him again.

“D’you-” “Would you-” They both started.

“You first-” “Yes?” And again.

“You gonna talk or what?” Daryl asked impatiently.

Diana smiled sheepishly. She self-consciously smoothed down the front of her gray NASA t-shirt. “Yesterday, when I, you know, was searching for you, I actually had a purpose. I wanted to ask if you could uh… teach me archery?”

“Sure.” Daryl lifted one shoulder.

Diana gaped at him, almost not trusting her ears. “Wait, really? That easily?”

“You always carrying that thing around. I wanna see what it can do.”

“It’s a kind of uh- advanced technology thing? It can do some neat tricks. Bet you’ve never seen one like it.” She chuckled awkwardly while swinging her arms artlessly.

“Yeah? Where you got it from?” Diana hated it when Daryl crossed his arms, it was a very visual distraction.

But he posed a good question. And since Diana also didn’t know the answer, she’d have to bullshit her way through it. “That’s a surprise.”

“A surprise?”

“No, not surprise, the other word. Not mystery, something between those two.” She mulled over it while Daryl patiently waited. “A secret! Damn, that should’ve been an easy one…”

“A secret…” Daryl repeated once again. He didn’t seem satisfied. “Special secret technology?”

“Mmmyep.”

“What about a deal,” his accent drawled out the sentence as he leaned back against the boulder and crossed his legs at the ankle.

“A deal?” Diana tilted her head to the side. Suddenly, she was paranoid and anxious for whatever he’d ask for. He didn’t seem like the type to ask for sexual favors, but she’d judged wrong before.

“I teach you and you tell me about the bow. You ain’t foolin’ me with that story.”

“What makes you think it’s not the truth?” Her palms were sweating now.

His eyes were burning hot, deep into hers. Almost as though searching through her memories, ready to pick her brain. Diana had to look away, an unwilling flush rising up her neck at the close attention.

“Don’t bullshit me, Diana.” Hearing her name out his mouth for the very first time made her head snap up to look at him. “You don’t trust me. I get that, s’good. I teach you and you tell me whenever you want.”

Diana’s brow pinched together. “That’s- that’s really considerate.”

“Yeah, I’m a considerate guy,” he whispered and turned his eyes away. Diana happened to hear it.

“Why are you being like this?”

“What?”

“You know, nice to me now. I mean, I don’t mind it. It’s way easier to talk to you when I’m not expecting you to yell at me every five seconds. But-”

“I ain’t some monster.”

“Yesterday-”

“Yesterday, I was pissed and you were the nearest pair of ears around. It ain’t right and it ain’t happenin’ again.”

“You sound really sure about that.”

He didn’t say anything, just shrugged and nodded in consent.

“I… I believe you and I know you probably don’t give a donkey’s ass about it, but don’t make me regret it.”

“I ain’t saying you shouldn’t trust _me_ , but don’t go ‘round swearin’ by everyone crosses your path, get it?”

“Okay? I won’t?”

If their entire conversation had been confusing, then Daryl’s last line had been downright enigmatic. It sounded final, like the last piece of advice you offer someone before going away. That combined with his and Merle’s earlier suspicious secrecy left her wondering if they were planning on leaving anytime soon.

Diana didn’t know what to think of that. She’d be glad to be rid of Merle’s incessant rude remarks and she was sure she wouldn’t miss the brothers. She hadn’t known them that long to have already formed an attachment, she seldom did – Glenn was a very astounding exception. Though, somehow it felt wrong for them to go so prematurely, like their potential was yet to be unlocked.

“Quick question, though. Are you… are you doing and saying all this ‘cause you’re leaving?”

That by-now familiar tense of Daryl’s shoulders told her she’d been spot on. So that’s why he said he wouldn’t take his frustration out on her _again_. That’s why he was advising her with such unexpected concern.

“Okay, cool cool cool, I see.” Diana nodded and directed her gaze to her sneakers. They were dirtier than they’d ever been. “You and Merle planning anything, by any chance, like, I don’t know, like something I might be familiar with slash almost the victim of?” He didn’t need to answer verbally for her to know. The flicker of his eyes from hers to the ground said more than words.

He looked almost disappointed in himself. Slightly hunched over, shoulders no longer tense, but now dropped in exhaustion. His arms hung limply at his sides, but his hands were clenched into loose fists that twitched open and closed.

“I get it.”

“How can you-”

“I do. These people aren’t your people. Merle is your people. They treat you like dirt under their shoes and it’s just not right.” Diana raised her brow sympathetically. “You don’t gotta go through that if you leave. I get it. Whatever you do, you don’t gotta tell me anything you don’t want me to know.”

“You see a lot,” Daryl commented, fixing her with an appraising stare that made her feel self-conscious and shift in place, not knowing what to do with herself. No reading in the lobby!

 _But I miss a lot, too_. She gave a nervous chuckle. “A good nurse must make good observations, my uh- my instructor, I think that’s what you call them in English, she uh- constantly told me that.”

“Hmm,” Daryl murmured pensively and nodded. He looked torn if the deep crease between his eyebrows was any indication. Diana waited patiently for him to reach a verdict to whatever was going on in his mind.

He parted his lips. Diana’s eyes dragged to them and traced the lines of his light facial hair while waiting for the words to come out.

“Make time the next coupla weeks. Don’t come to me. I’ll find you tomorrow after lunch and we can talk details after.”

Diana nodded and gave him a soft grateful smile.

So, two weeks, that’s how long they’d be staying.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love writing Glenn and Diana and their relationship of mutual support.
> 
> and finally Daryl realized what an ass he'd been and apologized. remember that shit i said way back when? look we all know daryl's a victim of abuse, we seen it, it's canon. he knows what its like to be on the receiving end and bc of that he recognizes some of those elements in diana. he knows that she's also been a victim of it some way or another. he sees that part of him in her and restrains from doing it. 
> 
> (yeah, back when the kids were little, sam had way less patience than he grew to have. he didn't beat her per say, but disciplined her unnecessarily, which has scarred her. now she has a good relationship with him, but he continues to be the only person she was ever truly afraid of.)
> 
> Diana's got a tendency to take the blame for everything, childhood trauma mixed with hella self-esteem issues got her fucked up. If you're wondering, no, Alice's advice isn't always helpful, and she sometimes unknowingly caters to Diana's insecurities. no one's perfect.
> 
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	14. it might mean death

oOo

Diana wiped her sweaty brow with the hem of her shirt and plopped down next to her equally as sweaty father and immaculate mother.

The self-defense thing had been particularly tough that morning, seeing as the weather seemed straight out of Hell itself with only a slight breeze now and again, not to mention they started working on their stamina and endurance as well and that was always a mess of overheated body parts and sweat pouring rivers down one’s body.

She groaned at the creakiness of her movements as she stretched her arms over her head and bent forward to stretch her hamstrings. She was going to be so sore from this, she just knew it. Worse thing was, she still had archery with Daryl after lunch. She’d been very physically active nowadays, and she was starting to hate it. Sure, she would be grateful or whatever at some point, but at what cost?

“…and she told me they got out by the skin of their teeth, can you imagine?”

“ _C’um caralho, filho da puta_. They don’t fucking look like the type.”

“I know! I was so shocked, I thanked God we didn’t go through that. But you see? Her bitch of a sister-in-law, ‘cause that’s what she is or was-”

Diana steeled herself and interrupted their conversation, “Hey, _mami_ , _pai_ , I got a question.” She gulped hard and looked up at the two pairs of eyes that turned to her and very carefully formulated her next sentence, “I heard Glenn’s volunteered to go on an experimental supply run to the city tomorrow, since he knows it really well and all that, and he’ll be off after dawn breaks. Can I go?”

Sam shrugged nonchalantly and teased. “Sure, wishing you boyfriend good luck?”

Diana raised her eyebrows in surprise at the easy compliance while ignoring his comment completely. “Really?” Who knew they’d let her go on a run without making a big deal of it.

Irene narrowed her eyes and elbowed Sam on the side as he mindlessly tried to scratch an unreachable spot on his back. “I think she’s asking if she can go _with_ him, not see him off,” she told her husband.

Diana had to wince at the way her father doubled back and widened his eyes at his wife and then her. She started chewing on the inside of her cheek out of agitation.

“You fucking joking? There’s no way in hell you’re going anywhere near that damn city, at least not alone with chinaboy, no fucking way in hell, you hear me?!” Sam barked down at Diana, having stood from his foldable chair and using the extra height to further intimidate her. “Might just take your fucking pony out of the rain right now.”

“Okay, sit down, Samuel, Jesus Christ, do you want the entire camp to hear you?” Irene tugged her husband down until his butt hit the cloth of the chair. “You don’t have to yell at the girl like that, _Santo Cielo_.” Then she turned on Diana. “But really, what was going on inside your head when you thought of that?

“You wanna go play Robin Hood? Wanna go around shooting at zombies just to prove you can, is that it? ‘Cause if that’s it, I will confiscate that thing from you, you hear me, I will take it away and only give it back when you run out of silly ideas and suicidal schemes. You’ve gotten your way too many times lately, and ignoring the fact that your way worked more or less, you gotta start acknowledging the people around you and how those ideas of yours affect them. And you gotta acknowledge that we are your parents and we are responsible for your safety and well-being.

“You wanna go off into the city with Glenn, yes? And what if something happens to you out there and you get hurt or worse. What if you die out there, and we have to live with the heartbreak of having our daughter dead before her time and the knowledge and the guilt that we were the ones who let you go on your little crusade, is that what you want? Is that it?”

Sam’s lips popped open as he stared at his wife; she was on the edge of her seat, posture rigid and eyes so full of pain and rage that it hurt to look at.

Diana shrunk in her seat with guilt and looked at her with wide, unblinking eyes. “I just- you know, I thought I could go with him and swing by Godmother’s place, see what’s what.”

Sam and Irene shared a look at that confession. Irene dragged in a shuddered breath, leaned back in her seat and faced Diana again. “It’s been three weeks since we left that place,” she said simply.

“And?” Diana asked, confused. What did that have to do with anything?

“And my sister’s smart, but she’s unpredictable. She could’ve very well barricaded herself at home or left the city like those whose cars are blocking the highway. Who knows where they could be by now?” Irene sighed with resignation. It seemed she’d given the situation more thought since they had last discussed it. She was basically admitting to having given up.

That didn’t sit very well with Diana. She wanted to at least know if they were home, if they were, she could bring them back to the quarry and have at least one good thing happen.

And if they weren’t there, well, there really was no knowing where they could be, dead or alive, and it would make no more of a difference than not going at all.

She swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay.” She inhaled and exhaled deeply and changed the subject, knowing it would do them no good to linger on those lines of thought. “ _Pai_ , how’s it looking with your meds?”

“Ah, yeah, about that. It’s not bad-”

“Liar,” Diana stated plain and simply, “I checked your things last time I updated my kit, just to make sure. You got less than a dozen tablets left, you’ve been rationing them out.”

“Then why’d you ask?” Sam leaned back in his chair with crossed arms, clearly frustrated.

“‘Cause I wanted to see if you’d lie about it.” Diana shrugged and her brow furrowed. “Which you did. You gotta be honest with me about this, _pai_ , this is important stuff. You’re drinking a lot more water than usual and you get tired much easier, I notice these things, I was taught to. You think I wouldn’t keep a keen eye on you? My patient _número um_?”

“But I’m not one of your damn patients, I’m your father, and you shouldn’t have to worry about me, you got other things to worry about.”

Diana scoffed. “At least I don’t have to worry about you two smoking anymore.” She grinned at their downtrodden expressions at the mention of their nicotine withdrawal. “But that’s beside the point. You know, one of the reasons I also wanted to go with Glenn is so I can stock up on those things. Alice’s also run out of anti-depressants, and if I went, I wouldn’t have to burden Glenn with that, you know?”

“No.” Irene’s word was rock solid, as was her face. As if the lines of it had been carved on there.

Sam leaned towards Diana and rested a hand on her knee. “Just do what we tell you this one fucking time, okay?”

When Diana nodded, he squeezed her knee in that way he always did that made it feel like the patella was going to pop right off, and she jerked away from him with an embarrassing squeak.

“If you even think about going over our heads, I will tie your ass down in that tent, you do understand that, don’t you?”

Diana huffed and gave him a lopsided smile. “You’d have to beat me first, old man.”

“Oh yeah, well, this old man still got some moves left in him,” Sam boasted and flexed one of his large biceps.

Diana flexed as well, using her other hand to push the muscle up so it was bigger. “Look at this, look at this.”

Irene joined in on it by flexing her own arm, where a sizeable little ball of muscle took shape and she flashed it proudly.

Two seconds after, Felix appeared, droplets of water on his locs, dripping off with each step. He was clutching his abdomen and wore a twisted expression of pain and panic, eyebrows furrowed and a glint of tears in his eyes.

“ _Mãe_ ,” he called pitifully and kneeled by the woman’s chair as soon as he was in reach.

Irene swept the boy’s locs from his face and asked what was wrong.

Diana and Sam also scooted forward, worried.

“I was washing up and then- and then I got this pain here.” He rubbed the center of his belly and brought another hand to the side of his back, under the shoulder blade. “And here, and it won’t- it won’t go away.”

“It’s probably nothing,” Irene comforted and kissed his forehead while rubbing the spot on his belly.

Felix had always been scared of sudden pains and would freak out at every little bump or discoloration he’d find on himself. He was the type to type up his symptoms on the internet and start crying when the result was something as farfetched as cancer. Paranoid to a fault.

“You eaten anything since breakfast?” Diana pondered, bringing the boy’s attention to her.

He shook his head.

“The pain, where is it? And what kind of pain?”

“It’s right in the middle, here, and it’s- it’s- I don’t know, dull and sometimes there’s this worse pain and-”

“And your back? Uhh, does it hurt when you breathe?” A shake of the head. “Okay, umm, you were washing up, right? Did you lie down afterwards, like we did last time, to dry up?” A nod. “You’re gonna die.”

“Diana Letícia!” Irene slapped her arm.

She cowered away and stuck her tongue out. “Just kidding, I’m joking, you’re just probably hungry, and some rock was probably digging into your back and you didn’t notice.”

“Yeah, I was lying more on this side and there _was_ a something sharp there,” Felix said sheepishly and nodded at her. “Thanks, I guess, fucking asshole.”

“The gratitude on this guy.”

Irene slapped his cheek lightly for his foul language. “Even so, sometimes people just get pains that don’t really mean anything, you know that. You’re not gonna die because your head hurts or something like that, ‘kay?”

“I know that, I just like precaution,” the boy defended and stood up.

“And where’s your sister?” Sam asked as the boy was walking away.

Felix turned to point at Diana and smirked, recovered from his panic. “Right there.” Sam gave him a dad look and the boy responded, “She was gonna ask Lori about the school thing, if she wanted any help today. I’m going there now.”

“Tell her to come eat lunch.”

Felix offered a thumbs up and jogged away, all traces of fear melted away.

Diana sighed, that boy could be such a drama queen. That and a hypochondriac.

She slapped her hands on her knees and stood. She considered whether or not to change from her NASA shirt into something clean, and after a quick sniff of her armpit, all uncertainty was eliminated; she smelled rank, and she’d washed up only the night before. Stupid hot weather, stupid sweating, stupid period hormones.

Diana left her parents to their resuming conversation and zipped the tent flap close behind her. She undressed, wiped herself down with the last of her baby wipes and changed into a tank top with the Wonder Woman logo stamped on the front and mid-thigh denim shorts; it was too damn hot for pants. Before she could forget, she shaved her armpits with her brother’s razor and rolled some deodorant on.

It was hard to keep up with hygiene these days, even if it was frivolous stuff like shaving, but it felt normal, as if the world was still the same as before and nothing had changed. Except her legs, fuck her legs, she wasn’t shaving that shit.

She stepped outside and dropped her sweaty clothes in the laundry bag by her parents’ tent before undoing and redoing her ponytail.

Many times she’d wished she’d inherited her dad’s African hair instead of the tight waves from her mom’s side. She’d envied the versatility of Alice’s and Felix’s natural hair since their babyhood. She had learned from her dad how to do a myriad of styles, while the only thing she could do to her own hair was a ponytail and a simple braid. But, admittedly, it was harder to style your own hair than others’.

Diana bid those thoughts away and started helping with lunch. Not long after, Felix reappeared with Alice and they all ate together, talking loudly and laughing and managing to not start an argument, the sounds of the rest of the camp as their background noise.

oOo

Diana took the wildflowers in a delicate hold; they were looking a little droopy and damaged from being stuffed in her medkit, but still nice. She removed a daisy from it, its white petals had some indentations, but still looked presentable, and she wove the stem into her hair by the tie that held it together.

She put the rest on top of her medkit, which sat by the corner of her tent next to their luggage, and grabbed the bow propped against it. She was welcomed by a pleasant tingling that began at her fingertips and coursed all the way up her arm and ended at her chest, which felt warm and bright and made a small smile grow on her lips in delight.

She would never get used to that, but she didn’t mind if it meant it would feel this nice every time.

Exiting the tent, she was met by the most comical, yet unamusing sight ever: Daryl standing by the edge of their camp, facing her mom and dad from the distance. Irene hid her disapproval better than her husband, that was clear, and Daryl looked so out of place and uncomfortable under the other man’s glare that it was almost laughable.

“ _Am I interrupting something or what?_ ” Diana asked Irene, who’d seen her first, and in response the woman slapped her husband on the arm and called him off.

“ _You know your dad_ ,” Irene whispered back and had to physically pull Sam away so he’d stop staring at the poor guy. “ _He just appeared outta nowhere and said something we didn’t understand and your dad went straight to the defensive_.”

“ _The kids not around?_ ” Diana gave the camp a once-over and confirmed their absence.

Sam threw one last look over his shoulder and went to sit on one of the foldable chairs by his and Irene’s tent, breaking twigs with more force than necessary and throwing them into the fire pit as he tried his best to ignore the other man.

Irene glanced at her husband, shook her head and answered, “ _They took the baseball stuff with them and left. I guess Lori didn’t need help after all._ ”

Diana nodded and turned to Daryl. “I’ll be right there,” she told him and explained his presence to Irene and how they’d agree to meet there for the time being.

“ _I’ll tell that to your dad_.” Irene nodded and patted Diana’s face once. “ _And you, like I said, any funny business and you’re outta there, get it?_ ”

“ _So you don’t trust me going with Glenn, but you sorta trust me going with Daryl, how’s that work?_ ”

“ _Don’t get cheeky with me_ ,” Irene scolded and swatted playfully at Diana’s butt, which she avoided by jumping away.

Diana winked and poked her tongue out and leaped away when Irene took her sandal in hand and made for her butt again.

“ _I won’t take long, see ya later_ ,” Diana called to her parents, and to their amusement, gestured subtly at Daryl’s back while it was turned and did some sloppy karate chops and kicks in the air.

She left with the image of her mom’s eyeroll and her dad’s smirk and thumbs up.

oOo

“Sorry about my dad,” Diana began after a beat of silence. “He can be scary when he means to, but he’s really nice.”

Daryl looked at her and adjusted the strap of his cross. “He ain’t scary.”

Diana suppressed a grin and looked around; she had absolutely no idea where they were going, all forest looked the same to her and she didn’t have the best sense of orientation to begin with. They were heading up, though, judging by the slight inclination of the earth. There was a flash of phantom sweaty hands touching her skin, making her nauseous and forcing her to look over her shoulder.

She suppressed it and flexed her right hand until it hurt, focusing on the now, on the facts. She didn’t know what coping strategy she would use once her hand stopped hurting, but it sufficed for now.

She focused on the light breeze that felt fantastic on her flushed flesh and smelled of pine and green things. Ferns and wildflowers of many colors tickled her bare calves and knees. They were accompanied by the cracking of twigs and dried leaves under their feet and the rustle and whistle of the breeze on the canopy and the calls of cicadas and birds from all around.

The hum of the bow intensified and added to the atmosphere of peace, helping to forget her fears.

She belonged in this place.

Diana raised her arms to waist height and watched the pattern of light and shadow play on her golden brown skin. It raised a smile on her lips and she was startled when she walked into Daryl’s outstretched arm.

She apologized quickly and looked at him in confusion when he crouched and pulled her down to his level, hiding amidst the greenery.

“What is it? Is it one of them?” she whispered. He’d pulled her so close she could see the chapped lines of his lips and the flecks of darker blue on his irises.

He glanced at her and then used his hand to turn her face to where he’d been looking; a young deer up ahead, all twitchy ears and white spots on reddish brown fur.

Diana gasped and clutched her chest; it was so fucking adorable that her heart could burst.

It bowed its head to chew on some foliage and then looked in their direction. Diana awed. Could it see them? It took some cautious steps and stopped, its cute pointed ears twitching again.

At her side, Daryl slowly and quietly removed his cross from his shoulder and readied a bolt. He raised the weapon and when Diana noticed the movement, she yelled out and slammed the cross down, almost tackling Daryl in the process.

Pointless to say that the commotion made the young animal realize the danger and leap away.

Diana stood and sighed and watched it leave. That had been almost magical, if she had been alone, she might’ve even tried to approach it.

“Look what you done. You know how much meat we coulda gotten outta that thing?” Daryl barked at her while standing up and dusting himself off. He gave her a half-hearted glare and put his cross away.

Diana gave him a sheepish smile and hugged the bow to herself defensively. “Sorry?” Her heart started beating fast in premonition of a scolding that never came.

Daryl stayed silent for a moment while regarding her, then heaved a small sigh and ran his hand through his short brown hair to scratch his head lightly. “Whatever, s’okay.” When Diana didn’t relax, he turned and continued the climb. “I ain’t gonna yell at you,” he said patiently and gestured at her from over his shoulder to follow him.

She jogged up the hill to his side, slightly winded, and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t- I know it’d be- I didn’t wanna see it dead. Not because I’m bothered by it, it was just so young, you know?”

She didn’t know why it would’ve felt so wrong to kill that animal, she never had any problem seeing her grandpa and grandma kill rabbits or chicken for their meals, she felt pity for them, sure, but she’d understood why. But a deer, a deer was different.

“Ain’t no skin off my back,” Daryl commented and shrugged, before reaching and plucking a yellow flower by the stem and sticking it between his lips.

Diana thought it looked pretty, but didn’t dare to voice the thought, and smiled to herself instead while patting the daisy in her hair to check if it was still in place.

When they reached the top of the hill, Diana recognized the clearing as one she and the kids had found once after class with Sam while exploring the forest surrounding their training area. Which meant they were close to that area and had only taken a detour through the forest to get there.

She knew it was the same place because of the twin rocks on the edge to her right.

Daryl dropped his cross there and walked to the approximate middle of the glade. He gestured for her to go to him and she stepped from the relative coolness of the shade to the sun beating down on her.

She stood in front of him with bow grasped tightly in her hand, insides trembling like jelly from the nerves, as he frowned at her. “Ya didn’t think to bring your arrows?”

“Oh uh, funny story,” Diana felt her throat threatening to close up and her heart rate spike through the roof. Funny would be how she’d tell him what’s what. “Remember how I said it was kind of uh, like special technology, state of the art, the kind of which has never been seen before, type of thing?”

“You talking a lot and not sayin’ much, get to the point.”

One hand fiddled with the hem of her shirt. “Yeah, well it kinda doesn’t really involve arrows?” She probably could’ve done better.

“Yeah, what does it involve then? You gonna be shootin’ rocks and twigs? That your super-secret special shit? Thought you wanted to learn archery, seems I’m wasting my time with more bullshit.”

Diana grabbed Daryl by the shoulder as he was turning away, annoyed by his unwillingness to just wait a fucking second. “Man, would you just chill? I’m tryna gather some courage to show you something that’s gonna probably most likely blow your freaking mind. Gimme a second here, okay? _Jesus, some people have no patience, I swear to God…_ ”

Her hand went flying off of him as soon as his glare found her eyes. No manhandling next time, understood. “Sorry.”

“You gonna blow my mind? Get to it.” He crossed his arms and nodded at her to go ahead.

Diana cleared her dry throat and rotated her neck and shoulders until they cracked, more nervous ticks. “Okay, yeah, thanks, uhmm.”

She seriously was way in over her head. The best way was just to go ahead and pull the bowstring without any further additions or flourishes, but that was so dry. She’d said she’d blow his mind, but that was basically the equivalent of a weak Spring breeze. She was going to disappoint and make a fool of herself.

Nothing she wasn’t already used to.

“Okay, are you looking?” _Of course he was looking, dummy, you made such a big deal out of it._

Diana raised the bow to eye level, glanced at Daryl from the corner of her eye to see him looking at her with a tilt of his head like he was wondering just what the fuck she was doing, and she pulled the string and released it in the space of a second, only giving time for an arrow to appear and shoot forward into a random tree.

“What the hell was that?” Daryl barked out, making Diana flinch, he strode over to her, eyes intent on the bow and then, following the line of fire, he stalked down to the tree with Diana on his tail.

His fingers rubbed over the orifice the arrow had left on the bark of the tree. Diana observed him, anxious and waiting, as his eyes glazed over while deep in thought.

“Daryl?”

If her calling out surprised him, he didn’t let it be seen. He simply blinked hard and his eyes were on her. “Do it again,” he instructed.

Dumbfounded for his lack of reaction, Diana simply nodded. They walked away from the tree line and she raised the bow once more. This time she decided to take her time with drawing the bowstring. It put a strain on her muscles to do it so agonizingly slow, but she wanted Daryl to get a good look at how the arrow materialized, smoke and light taking form.

A bead of sweat rolled from her neck down the middle of her back, making her shudder and accidentally release the arrow. “ _Merda_ ,” she whispered and turned to gauge his reaction _now_.

Diana almost felt the need to take the step back. His features were carved with so much intensity it was like he was about to explode. Was it curiosity? Suspicion? Jealousy? The pure need to scream into the void? Because if so, same.

“What the hell… is that?” his voice was measured as he repeated his initial question.

“Will you… teach me?” Diana asked, cautious of his slow approach, leaning slightly backwards when reached out to the bow with a questioning nod.

She let him inspect the bow while waiting for his answer. They’d made a deal after all; he would teach her and she would tell him what she knew about the bow… It was a terrible deal on Daryl’s end, since she had no clue about the bow other than what she’d seen, but… he and Merle would be leaving after, so it wouldn’t do any harm to stretch out the truth a bit, right?

“What’s this here? What’s it mean?” Daryl pointed at an engraving of symbols on the inner side of the bow, right above the grip.

Diana leaned back in, careful not to get too much up in each other’s personal space, and ran her thumb over the etching. She shook her head as the contact with the bow made her skin tingle. “I don’t know what it means.” She looked up at Daryl, suddenly curious. “You wanna try it?”

The chances were slim going by the odds, but it could be that the bow would recognize a skilled archer and react to Daryl as it had her, although she was far, very far from a skilled archer.

Daryl looked at her as if asking permission and she nodded, taking a step back and giving him needed space. It was as if the forest around them fell silent to witness this moment. Damn, he looked good holding it; say whatever you want about the man but he had really nice arms.

Feeling poetic, Diana compared the golden glint from the bow to Daryl’s hair as it was hit by sunlight.

Just the day before she had caught herself staring at Glenn’s profile and internally admiring his features, making all sorts of poetic comparisons on the subject of his dark eyes. Marveling at unrecognized beauty in everyday moments.

Diana tilted her head and was startled back to the present by the _muse_ himself as he cursed out loud and turned to her. Was it already over? Judging by looks of it, he’d been unsuccessful. Okay, so it wasn’t an archer thing, apparently it was just a Diana thing. Now to find out why…

He joined her, giving back the bow. “How does it work?”

“We- we have a deal,” Diana reminded, “You said it yourself; you teach me and I’ll talk.”

“But this ain’t… Thought you were bullshitting me,” Daryl admitted.

She lifted a shoulder. “Yeah, no. No bullshit, just 100% all bull.” She frowned. “That doesn’t make sense. Forget I said that.”

“Who else knows? Does the chink know? Sheriff Asshat?”

“For real? _You tryna fall into the stereotype of ignorant white-trash redneck?_ No, Glenn doesn’t know, and he’s Korean, not Chinese. And you really think I’d tell this to Mr. Sheriff? Thinking back on it, actually, it’s probably not a bad if he knows… I mean, is it?”

“Fuck if I know, who else?”

Diana shrugged. “My family aside, well, you.”

“Good. Sit on it.”

“Wait, why?”

“Y’all been here a coupla days, you sure you trust these people with something like this?”

“Well, I- I trusted you. Was that wrong?”

Daryl contemplated her but said nothing. “Don’t let Merle find out. Or anyone.”

“But why? What if, hypothetically speaking, I do trust some of these individuals?” She had been dying to show it to Glenn, so she’d have an outside person share in on her secret, someone who wasn’t tired of listening to her same conspiracy theories and could provide a fresh perspective on the subject. It’s not like she could google it.

“The dead are walking, everyone’s on edge, tip the scales and shit falls into fucking chaos. Bringing shit like this into it… I’m just sayin’, mob mentality can be a pain in the ass, ya get it?”

Diana nodded. “Yeah, I get it.” She’d mentioned something like that to her siblings a while back, but it had just been her talking out of her ass. Having someone else see it that way as well… it changed things, made it more feasible.

“Why ain’t it workin’ with me?” Daryl asked, changing the subject.

“You really wanna know?” A half-hearted nod from him. “Then teach me how to use it.” _Maybe I’ll find it out myself until then._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	15. the softest of men

oOo

After teaching Diana a proper stance when shooting immobile targets, they worked on her draw. Diana’s arms were sore from that morning’s training and she told Daryl that, since she didn’t want him thinking she was a weak little weakling.

He advised that she should let her back muscles do most of the work, and put his hand flat between her shoulder blades, telling her to focus on those muscles as she drew the bowstring.

Then, he lowered her elbow, raised her bow arm and told her to focus on her breathing. It was incredibly hard to breathe normally once you’re made aware of it and specially when someone was scrutinizing your every move from up close. At one point she deviated from her stance and Daryl rotated her gently by the hips to face him again.

Diana wasn’t very keen on having people close to her face, it made her feel observed and judged, every flaw on her skin for the other person to see, it made her anxious. But after some time, when she realized he wasn’t looking at her, but rather concentrating on the task at hand, the weight on her chest lifted and it became easier to breathe and focus.

Daryl supported her bow arm with one hand and with the other brought her draw arm down an inch, so that her hand rested under her jaw and the string sat comfortably against the tip of her nose.

“Better. When you breathe out, let go and don’t move until the arrow’s hit the target, get it?”

Diana nodded with a short glance at him. There was a nuance of nervousness in her that made her stomach turn, but she did as was told.

The arrow flew straight into the target she’d envisioned, imbedding itself in the tree trunk with a quiet sound inaudible over the noises of the forest itself. It disappeared exactly one second after, Diana counted, and she dropped her arm.

She jumped in place once and whooped and pumped her fist in the air with an excited “Fuck yeah!” And turned to Daryl, who had stepped back at her outburst, and held her hand high, a grin on her lips that was less smile and more a beam of sunshine.

“High five, oh gimme a high five!”

Daryl raised his hand to her, which Diana slapped repeatedly and forcefully in her joy.

She stopped once she noticed how obnoxiously loud she had been and cleared her throat, apologizing. She felt a flush on her cheeks and hoped it wasn’t dark enough to be noticeable. She couldn’t help it; she’d done it! Correctly and very professional-looking, might she add. The arrow had hit the exact spot she’d been aiming at, unlike the times she’d tried before, which goes to show that it had indeed been better to ask Daryl instead of ‘just going for it’ as Felix had suggested.

She took some deep breaths to slow her heartrate and will the blush away.

“Yeah, don’t break your arm pattin’ yourself on the back, I wanna see it again.”

Diana saluted mockingly and dropped to her stance, mentally checking all the steps. She aimed, breathed out and let go of the string. That time, it was a bit off the intended target, but she was still satisfied.

Daryl nodded and pointed at a higher branch with a nest on it. “There, faster, under the nest.”

She shot and missed, the arrow whizzed by its target and disappeared into the canopy. She let out a frustrated huff and frowned at Daryl, who shrugged.

“Can’t hit ‘em all. That pronged branch.”

Shoot and miss.

“Fast, c’mon, that tree right there.”

Shoot and miss.

“Ughh, what’s wrong? Why am I messing everything up?” Diana wanted to curse at the bow and its almost taunting humming, at the risk of looking like a moron. Instead she crossed her arms and pursed her lips like a child throwing a tantrum.

Daryl fixed his blue gaze on her; he seemed amused by her annoyance, as if he’d anticipated it, and it irked Diana.

“You’re doin’ it back asswards ‘cause you stopped thinkin’. It’s not here yet,” he said and tapped a finger to her forehead, “so you make mistakes when you don’t think. I wanted you to know how it’d be if you went unprepared into a shitty situation; shootin’ all over the place. Miss more than you hit.”

“Oh,” Diana breathed and uncrossed her arms. She looked at Daryl from under her lashes, embarrassed that she’d celebrated too soon. “So…”

“So you gotta go slow first, get the hang o’ the business, and when you feel you can do that shit in your sleep, ya go faster. Gotta adapt to it.”

“I guess... You uh- you mind if we take a break? My arms and my shoulders are killing me, might even be literally very soon.”

Daryl nodded and Diana plopped herself down by the twin boulders, her back against the jagged surface. She wiggled until she found a less sharp spot. Her top half was covered by shade from the tree canopy. Her legs, outstretched and bare up to mid-thigh, soaked up the sunlight.

She took Daryl’s crossbow, which was heavier than she thought it’d be, and her bow, and set them down on her other side so Daryl could sit next to her if he felt like it. She absentmindedly ripped out some grass and picked up the tallest blade of grass to play with. Head leaned back and eyes closed. It was heaven.

She heard Daryl grunt as he lowered himself onto the grass next to her. Her head lolled to the side and she peeked at him from the corner of her eye. The sheer blueness of the sky almost blinded her.

He kept a comfortable distance, which Diana appreciated. His knees were bent with his elbows resting on top and the yellow flower somehow found its way back into his mouth. The stem was shorter now and the petals grazed his lips whenever he chewed.

Diana followed the minute movements for a moment until they stopped abruptly and her eyes travelled up to Daryl’s.

“What?” he asked around the flower, eyes squinting at her.

Her head snapped up and the sudden move made her neck crack painfully.  She shook her head with a grimace and looked away, fighting off an embarrassed blush. “Nothing, sorry.” She didn’t mean to stare; it was just a bad habit. The constant apologizing, he already knew about.

Daryl stretched one leg out in front of him and the toe of her swinging foot hit his. Her heart thumped in a rage against her ribcage, making her breathing all kinds of irregular.

With a quick apology on her lips, Diana brought her legs up and rested her hands on her lap, now ripping the blade of grass to tiny shreds just to give them something to do. She hated being this flustered over nothing.

“Hey, uh, mind if I ask something?” She glanced sideways at him and saw his half-shrug. “What are you and Merle planning on doing? I mean, after you leave?”

“We ain’t takin’ you with if that’s what you wanna ask.” He took the head of the flower between his fingers and flicked it off to the side.

“No, nah, I wasn’t-, I just think that this is a good place, you know? I mean, not permanently, obviously, but for the time being. Eventually, they’ll all up and move on to someplace else, so why not wait it out?” She sat sideways to face him, one leg tucked under the other, and tilted her head to the side in curiosity.

“You don’t think things gonna end soon?”

The change in topic confused her. “What?”

Daryl glanced at her. “You ain’t thinking that this’ll all blow over soon? Help is on the way, they findin’ a cure, that sorta generic bullshit?”

“Well, to be honest, I hadn’t really thought about it. I kinda just accepted that’s the way it was. I mean, realistically, it doesn’t really look like there’s a coming back from this. Even if they found a cure, you know? What you wanna do about the geeks who’ve decayed beyond recognition, beyond normal body function? You can’t really help ‘em anymore, you know?”

“Huh, thought you’d have more hope than that, seem like the type.”

Diana puffed a breath of laughter. “Don’t get me wrong, I am hopeful. There’s no going back but there’s always a moving on. I _hope_ we can kill all the dead and take care of the remaining living. That’s all there is to it anymore. And once that’s done, we can think of rebuilding society, a better one. I know shit was looking grim on this side of the ocean, but Switzerland wasn’t that bad, you know? For one, they have- had a better grasp on the education system than you guys.”

She cursed herself for selfishly talking so much without asking anything back and redeemed herself with a muttered, “What about you?”

One corner of Daryl’s lips lifted in a cynical smile. “That part ‘bout killing the dead seems about right to me. I’ll worry about making it to the end of each day.” Another glance at her. “I ain’t got time to think about education systems and rebuilding shit.”

“You should. Aspiring for a brighter future, that’s what gives me hope.”

“That’s where you and I differ, Diana. You thinkin’ the future gonna be better, I’m thinkin’ this is the calm before the fucking storm.”

Diana optimistically opposed to his way of thinking, even if his felt like the logical conclusion. Outwardly, she only nodded and sat facing forward again, her original question unanswered and forgotten.

After a peaceful silence filled only with the best tunes nature had to offer, Diana was startled out of a near slumber with Daryl standing up from her side. She blinked up at him, his form dark against the bright sky, and he offered her a hand up.

Since both pulled at the same time, the momentum caused her to stumble right into him, their joined hands hitting her in the stomach. She oofed and muttered an apology, not looking at him.

He bent down for her bow and offered it to her. “Your arms okay?”

She accepted it with a testing shrug and flexed an arm, feeling her shoulders almost creak in complaint and her biceps on the verge of a spasm. Yeah, that hurt, but it wouldn’t stop her. “Still kinda sore, but I can keep going.” She knew she shouldn’t overdo it, but she had barely done anything yet. She didn’t want to slack off and seem lazy.

“Keep practicin’ that stance, perfect it. Pull with your back muscles, you let your arms do everythin’ and they’ll hurt like a sunovabitch.”

They continued in silence. Diana did her stance, aimed and shot at the same tree slowly and repeatedly, leaving only tiny holes behind. She noticed a new arrow would only appear when the previous one had disappeared.

Daryl walked around, too full of energy to stand still. He kept an eye on her and gave out tips and corrected her when necessary while keeping alert to the forest. The area was secure, but guess you can never be too careful.

After what felt like the thousandth shot, Diana let her arms drop with a groan. “I can’t do it anymore, I can’t.”

The bow had started growing heavy from holding it up for so long. Her fingertips were cold from lack of blood circulation and her muscles were twitching with the strain. Not even the bow’s soothing vibrations were of any help. She’d gotten dangerously reckless in her driven stubbornness.

From his newfound perch on the boulders, Daryl motioned her over. She dragged herself to him, feeling beads of sweat roll down her neck into the fabric of her tank top.

“Turn around and sit down.” He made a spinning motion with his finger. Diana hesitantly spun and plopped down cross-legged in front him, cautious to keep a good distance.

Feeling self-conscious of the stretchmarks streaking her inner thighs, she laid the bow on her lap and put her hands over it, rubbing them to help the blood flow.

“What’s happening right now?” She wanted to look over her shoulder but the very move hurt her, so she stared straight ahead in – honestly? – slight apprehension.

“Shut up,” he said softly and warned, “I’mma do somethin’, just sit still.”

“Uhh, oookay?” She dragged the word out, her heart already beating fast in anticipation and her shoulders even more tense.

Daryl swept her ponytail aside, over her shoulder. The feathery touch of the hair was enough to send a chill down her back and raise goosebumps all over her skin.

“I ain’t gonna do anything bad, don’t gotta be so nervous.”

It wasn’t fear she’d felt right then. Bad hormones, bad!

She cleared her throat. “Sorry.”

After a second she felt the soft touch of a rough hand on her right shoulder. She immediately flinched and the hand was gone.

“Sorry,” Diana whispered and Daryl hummed in response. “Keep going.” She was curious now. Her insides were trembling like jelly, and her hands were gripping the limbs of the bow like a lifeline.

When he touched her shoulder again, she didn’t let herself react, but she felt that tingly feeling in her scalp that made her close her eyes and suppress a shudder.

She thought her body would perhaps associate this with the unpleasant experience from the near past, but no. This was grounding, binding her to the present moment. Daryl’s hands were gentle despite their roughness; it was completely different. It didn’t raise any red flags in her mind, it was _good_.

Diana loved being touched, any form of desired physical contact and affection was a blessing to her. As Daryl’s fingers started prodding and kneading the junction between her neck and shoulder, Diana could swear she was in Heaven. It was painful on her sore muscles, but the good kind of pain.

It felt like he was a rusty expert; his hands felt a little clumsy at times when the pressure wasn’t equal throughout. She caught herself before almost commanding him to press harder.

Diana leaned her head away to give him more space to work with. She struggled with the urge to let down the straps covering the area just so he could have better access to her naked skin, but in her hazy thoughts, she realized that would’ve been a bit too forward.

She was left with a soreness only rest could completely heal and then Daryl moved on to her left shoulder. She complied by leaning her head the opposite way.

He applied the same technique. The same undulating movement that loosened the rigidness of the muscle. The pressing of rough fingers along the length of her shoulder to straighten out any kinks and swells. Over and over until he deemed it enough.

When he was done, he pushed her head down gently until the back of her neck was accessible to him. Diana’s hands went limp on her lap when he began to stroke his thumbs up her neck, into her hairline and then back down along her spine. He finished by rubbing over the ridges of her shoulderblades.

It was divine. As his touch approached her hairline again, Diana felt a hummed moan rise up the back of her throat, which she repressed like her life depended on it. Why did her period have to make her so sensitive to every little thing?

Her skin felt tingly all over. Every stroke, even the slight breeze made the hairs on her body stand on end. Her eyes were closed, halfway to the back of her skull in delight, and she wished it could last forever.

And then, like all good things, it came to an end.

“That better?” The low voice and the sudden absence of his hands made Diana jump to attention. Her head snapped back up and she looked at him over her shoulder with only a slight wince.

“That felt good,” she admitted and rolled her shoulders. Still a bit sore, but it was almost nothing in comparison. Her arms still had the worst of it, so she gave them a quick massage before pivoting to face Daryl. “Where’d you learn that?”

Daryl shrugged loosely and looked above her. “Picked it up someplace or ‘nother.”

Vague, but she didn’t push. She contemplated reciprocating with the _cócegas_ her brother and sister were so fond of. They always said she was better than mom, so that had to count for something.

The problem was that it wasn’t just something casual you’d do to a practical stranger. It was intimate and required a certain closeness to the person. She didn’t have that sort of familiarity with him. Then again, he had just given her a wicked massage that had taken her to Heaven and back, so screw it.

She swallowed her coyness and took a leap of courage by scooching backwards and patting the grass in front of her. “Sit here, I wanna show you something.”

Daryl looked at her with equal parts interest and suspicion, but slid off the rock and sat in front of her. He mimicked her by crossing his legs.

“Okay, so this I’m gonna do, we call it _cóceguinhas_ , which literally means ‘little tickles’, just ‘cause we don’t know what else to call it. Gimme your arm.” She shimmied forward until their knees almost touched and grabbed him gently by the offered hand. She rested them on her knee, palm facing up.

His blue eyes squinted at her, which made her more nervous than she normally would be. Her hand subconsciously twitched under his and she became painfully aware of the touch.

She thought it was fun, what they were doing. A moment sealed in a bubble, away from everything else. It made sense to her. Even risking acting like children hiding away from the world made up for the fact that this was genuinely enjoyable to her. She didn’t know if Daryl thought the same, for all she knew, he just thought this was foolish and saw her as a burden. That just about brought her mood down a bit, but she ignored it and carried on.

He had nice arms, Diana observed, they had scars here and there, the tanned skin was soft if not slightly clammy with sweat and the fine blonde hairs glistened in the sunlight. Not to mention how toned they were, but she was not going to even venture into those thoughts. She might be innocent, but she wasn’t all that _innocent_ , know what I mean?

She glanced from his concentrated blue gaze down to his wrist. She put her fingernails at the ready, over the lines of his veins, feeling the deep pulse rise up against her tips. Then, agonizingly slow, she raked her nails up his arm, softly. She applied only the slightest amount of pressure to leave very faint red lines on his skin.

At the same time, she leaned forward against her legs to reach him better. The bow on her lap touched the skin of her stomach when her top rode up. The thrilling sensation right under the surface of her skin only heightened with it.

Diana heard the smallest intake of breath from Daryl and felt his hand twitch in hers. She smiled in satisfaction and looked up. “Feels nice, right?”

She saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed and nodded minutely. She raked her nails back down towards his wrist, adding a bit more stroke from the pads of her fingers to ease the pressure and add that tingle from skin on skin contact. When she reached the root of his hand, she kept going and used the tip of her forefinger to draw a spiral on his palm, going inward and inward until she stopped at the center.

She didn’t know how he felt about it, but to her, it was almost electrifying. Something about the innocence of the act made it so alluring. To touch and be touched, however harmlessly, always left her wanting more.

Another glance at Daryl, and his half-closed eyes proved that he was enjoying it as well.

Diana stroked up and down the length of each of his fingers, her touch always delicate and made for longing. When she was done with the hand, she returned to the line of his pulse and used her fingernails once again to graze up the sensitive skin of his inner forearm. Instead of stopping at the elbow, she rotated his arm and continued upwards, over the swell of the bicep and then back down over tanned skin and protruding veins until she reached the back of his hand.

She repeated it once more, even slower than before. Then she returned his hand to his lap and rested her own hands on her knees. Her actions made her slightly self-conscious now that the daze was over.

Gone was the electricity under her skin and anxiety bubbled up inside her in its stead. Why wasn’t he saying anything?

Daryl was looking at her, but his eyes were completely unfocused. When Diana called out his name, he startled, cleared his throat and stood up.

Diana leaned back to look up at him and took the hand he extended to her. She thought that oughta be a good sign, but he always did that.

“Let’s go,” he murmured. He picked up his bow and gave her hers.

Had she embarrassed him? Had she done something wrong? She’d crossed a line, hadn’t she? She’d gone and goofed up their small, growing amity, like the human incarnation of bad-decision-making she was.

“You didn’t like it?” Diana asked, avoiding stepping on a fern and plucking a daisy from its natural garden, intent on destroying it with her fidgeting. She glanced sideways at Daryl and hung the bow from her shoulder. Her fingers started picking the petals off the flower one by one.

He held a low hanging branch out of the way and allowed her to step through first. Then he said, “It ain’t nothin’.”

Well, that didn’t help ease her anxiety at all, it only made it worse. “ _Yeah, probably ‘none of my business’._ ” She threw the naked yellow-capped stem at her feet and stepped over it.

To be fair, it was uncool of her to be on the offensive about something so small, but she needed to know if she’d done something wrong. If it was her unintentional fault she could apologize for it and make it better. She knew how important communication was, especially since she fucked up on that aspect so often.

“What you want me to say, huh?” he hissed between his teeth.

So, that was a bit of an overreaction. She would’ve understood it if it didn’t involve her, but she literally had been the cause of it, so it really was her business.

Diana spoke around the lump in her throat, “I just wanna know if I did something wrong, you know? What did I do?”

Daryl stopped in his tracks. The light floating down from the canopy made his light brown hair seem golden and the blue of his eyes could’ve easily rivalled the cornflower of the sky. His hands fidgeted with the strap of his cross and he narrowed his eyes at her before looking away.

He swayed his weight from foot to foot and brought a hand to rub the back of his neck.

Diana wasn’t sure if the red on his ears was really there or was merely a trick from the light. “I don’t mean anything bad by it, you know?” she started softly, “I just know people like it when I do that. I had a classmate that always put her hand on my lap during class for that. The others asked us if we were lesbians all the time, but she wasn’t really my type.”

“The problem ain’t you. It was nice, alright? First time.”

“Oh, okay then.” She looked around, embarrassed at the personal confession. Not having expected it. “Wait, first time what?”

“Gotta spell it all out for you, yeah?” He started walking away, stepping over an overturned log and ploughing through the greenery.

Diana leaped over the log with sure-footed dexterity and jogged downhill to meet up. “If you don’t mind,” she joked and smiled lopsided.

Daryl gave her a quick look and sighed. “You damn nosy.” He looked at her again, saw her expectant expression and whispered, “You’re a fucking stranger, man.”

“I’m not gonna tell anyone, you know? People have told me I’m a great listener.” She tugged on her ears and smirked. Daryl didn’t look impressed, so she sobered up. “Okay, for real now, don’t feel pressured to tell me anything, it’s your life, your secrets. I’m just interested, to be honest. You’re an interesting person,” she said surprisingly and embarrassingly earnest, which earned her a scoff.

“Ain’t met many people, then.”

Diana shook her head. “Ay, believe me, I’ve met everyone _and_ their freaking genitals. I know what I’m talking about.”

Daryl breathed out in disbelief and furrowed his brow. “The hell?”

“When you go through a couple hundred people whose hobby is reading the newspaper or drinking coffee with their neighbors, you begin to crave meeting someone with a bit more substance.” She shrugged to herself. “To be fair, most of them were over sixty, so… Not much they can do with a healing hip or heavy dementia.”

“The hell you goin’ on about?”

“Past patients, but I strayed from the point, sorry.” She did a rewind gesture with her hands, much like the first time they’d met. “Totally your choice; tell me, don’t tell me. But if you don’t wanna go there, you gotta say it outright, ‘cause, like you said, I’m annoying and persistent. Annoyingly persistent or persistently annoying, though, that’s the million-franc question.”

“If I tell you, you’ll zip it?”

“And lock it. Maybe. Temporarily. Not likely. Worth a try?” Diana shrugged sheepishly, palms facing up. She knew how to take no for an answer, but she’d never gotten this much talk out of Daryl.

She knew she had one of those faces that people trusted. Along with being a good listener, she was constantly told that. It came to be very useful in her line of work.

Having Daryl, who was closed off to anything and anyone, tell her something about himself that probably no one else knew was proof of her dexterity, not to mention a privilege. She would keep true to her word, though, and not divulge anything to anyone, not even her siblings.

“Ya see Merle, he ain’t exactly the coddling type,” he started. “Always been like that. Takes after our ma and fuckin’ old man. They never… been the type for that kinda shit.”

Diana hummed in acknowledgment and thought.

What a fucking conundrum.

She felt sorry for him, but she knew it was an absolute no-no to show her pity. Should she admonish his parents’ behavior? She knew nothing about them and they were most likely dead, so it would probably be insulting to him, no?

Fuck, now she was reminded on why she avoided talking to people about loaded subjects. Comfort really wasn’t her thing.

She went for a different approach. She glanced at him, breathed deeply and said, “That sucks a whole fucking lot, I gotta say that. You know, luckily, I’m a… I’m a very touchy-feely person, so I can stock you up on that to make up for it.” She felt too warm as soon as she said it but she didn’t take it back.

Growing up with loving parents that weren’t afraid to show their fondness through hugs and kisses and general skinship was something that everyone deserved. Diana loved that, she thrived on it. Drown her in physical affection and she’d be a happy woman. To know that someone she knew was a stranger to that kind of love was nothing short of shocking to her.

She could fix that.

She may not know Daryl very well - and she may have been ready to rip his face off in anger not a day before - but she had two weeks’ time left with him. In that time, she’d be sure to treat him with the same amount of care she did any of her close friends. Like she did to Glenn.

If Daryl didn’t want it, she’d stop. She wouldn’t want to impose on him or make it seem like harassment. Though, judging by the way he’d reacted to her ‘little tickles’, Diana was almost certain that he would have little to no objection.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven’t noticed by now, Diana has very little idea about social cues and propriety, it’s one of her issues, she’s oblivious about that stuff. it’s not bad writing, guys i swear, it’s her personality.
> 
> i was thinking, if Daryl were to tell something about his childhood, he wouldn’t go about it in detail, just the gist of it so the other person got the idea, and that’s what i portrayed here. Diana is trustworthy, but people don’t just walk up to her and tell her their life story, but since Daryl is starting to trust her, he’s gonna slowly open up to her. don’t worry, though, i’m not gonna rush it. stuff like this takes time and patience, and neither of them are the spill-your-guts-out kind of person, and i have to take that into count.
> 
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	16. stargazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another half chapter, i love Glenn man

oOo

After dinner, Diana decided to do something special for Glenn; he’d come to her with his insecurities regarding his first supply run the following day.  So she’d told him to wait a minute and gathered some supplies she’d need herself.

“You wanna tell me where we're going? ‘Cause you haven’t said a word and this is feeling kinda psycho-ish to me. You’re not planning on killing me with that lantern and rolling me up in the sleeping bag? Right?” Glenn pointed to things in her hold.

Diana grabbed his hand and gave him her creepiest smile, wide maniac eyes included. “You’ll see.”

“I’m gonna meet my end today.” Glenn crossed himself and let himself be dragged away.

The path was pretty straightforward, but the surrounding darkness made it a trap of rocks to trip on and smash your face against, so it took twice the time to get there, even with the light from the lantern.

“Diana,” Glenn dragged out, pulling on his hand to make her turn to him. “Really, what are we doing? I gotta leave at dawn, I need as much sleep as I can.” He sighed at her silence. “It probably won’t be much, though. Looks like it’s gonna be one of those nights.”

Diana held the lantern between the two of them, the yellow light reflected on Glenn’s dark eyes like twin fireflies and made his complexion look sickly; contrasting moods. “I want you to feel good,” she said simply.

He gasped, his hand flying to cover his mouth in disconcertment, then he pointed to the sleeping bag and murmured, “Diana, no.”

“What?” She put the puzzle pieces together and frantically waved her hand in negation, her sore arm protesting the brusque movement, almost dropping everything in the process. “What? No, of course not, Glenn! Jesus! That what you think of me?”

“Hey, I’m not here to slut-shame anyone, you do you. Just letting you know that I could never, not with my new best friend.”

All that Diana caught from that was, “Aww, I’m your best friend?” Her heart melted.

Glenn blinked at her. “Why are you kidnapping me?”

“Oh, right. Let’s go.”

They resumed their precarious trek, which didn’t last much longer, and Diana led him by the hand to the middle of the plain where she and the kids were learning self-defense. She gave him the lantern to hold and spread her zipped open sleeping bag on the grass, flattening down some taller weeds.

“Ta-da.” She gestured towards it like it was the eighth wonder of the world.

“You want me to sleep out here on the night before the most important day of my survival? I’m starting to think you don’t like me that much after all.”

While he was talking, Diana plopped down onto the bag and tightened her hoodie around her.

“Glenn, shut up and sit down.”

“You’re so bossy,” Glenn whined playfully, kneeling next to her and sitting back on his legs. “Should never have told you the best friend thing, it’s going to your head.”

He set the lantern at the head of the bag, the light creating a theatre of shadows on their faces, exaggerating every feature into a gaunt look. Diana reached and dialed it down a bit for a less dramatic appearance.

“You did very well telling me that. You’re mine too.” Diana smiled bashfully and hid her face by hitting her forehead to Glenn’s shoulder.

“Ouch, your big fat head injured my wide, manly shoulder.”

“If it was that wide and manly it wouldn’t have gotten injured in the first place, so hah.” Diana laughed while rubbing her forehead, remembering the head-butting she and Felix had engaged in not long ago.

Glenn chuckled alongside her until they both fell silent, each probably thinking about the inevitable farewell in the morning.

The crickets gave them a nice background sound; it was Glenn who interrupted their song first. “Why are we here, Diana? I mean, aside from the obvious.”

Diana responded by lying down on her back and signaling at him to do the same. When they lied side by side, they looked at each other with a misery that could break hearts. Diana felt around for Glenn’s hand, which he relented to her.

With their fingers intertwined, Diana motioned up to the inky skies, and Glenn followed her line of sight.

“I noticed we only have a small slice of moon, so the stars would be really bright. Especially now without all the light pollution. And I wanted to share my favorite thing with you.” With her other hand, she reached up and switched the lantern off.

Her heart swelled at the sight of the millions and millions of little twinkling dots all across the great midnight-blue expanse. This had always been her favorite sight. She was used to different skies, but without knowing the constellations, they felt the same.

“Stargazing is very personal to me. It’s… it’s when all my deep as shit thoughts come to the surface and I’m at my most… vulnerable, I guess. I think that applies to everyone.”

Glenn’s voice was low, “Yeah, who doesn’t look at this and ends up questioning their very being?”

She chuckled. “My favorite place to stargaze is in Portugal, at my grandparents’ house. They live- well lived, I guess, on the mountainside. It was always so peaceful and the skies were so clear.”

“I visited my maternal grandma one summer when I was little, back when she was still, you know, alive. She lived out in the countryside, tea plantations far as the eye can see. That night my sisters woke me up and took me up to the roof. I was so scared.” His hand squeezed Diana’s by instinct. “It was so worth it. I don’t remember much about my grandma, but that’s the one memory that I…” his voice cracked.

Diana turned her face to him and saw not much more than his hand on his face, wiping away tears. Despite her inaptitude, she knew what to do here. First, she started crying as well, unwanted and unplanned, but his tale combined with _saudade_ over her grandpa were too much for her heart to handle.

She turned to her side and scooched close to her friend, their intertwined hands clasped against her chest as she shushed Glenn and wiped off her own tears.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Her other hand caressed the side of his face and his hair, and she raised his hand to her lips, planting multiple pecks on its back. “Look at me,” she said and sniffled, fighting back another sob.

She could barely see anything, but she felt Glenn turn to her. She felt his heavy breath on her face as he sniffled and tried to stop crying. She used the sleeve of her hoodie to gently wipe at his cheeks, and then his hand grabbed onto her forearm. He then proceeded to thoughtlessly wipe his eyes on it as well, which made Diana smile through her sadness.  

“I miss my mom, Diana,” he murmured, his voice wet and gravely. “I miss my dad and my sisters. God, my sis- my sisters! I haven’t se- seen them since I moved out of mom’s. I-”

Diana didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know the pain he was going through, there was nothing to equate. So she grabbed onto him, her hand on the back of his neck, caressing it tenderly in hopes of providing some comfort. His arm was around her, hand loosely grabbing hold of the back of her hoodie.

“I can’t possibly know how bad it hurts, Glenn, but you gotta know that… alive or not, your parents will always be proud of you. Your family, they… they love you, because there’s so much to love in you.”

One of his sobs made her heart clench. Her voice cracked. “It hurts really fucking bad, but one day it will hurt… less. You probably won’t notice it, you’ll probably think it will be like this forever, but one day it’ll just be… less. God, I suck at this,” Diana huffed in frustration. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Glenn. You’ll never be alone, you get me? I can be- we can be your family, if you want? Fuck, is that- is that insensitive of me to say?”

She touched her forehead to his and apologized again, warm tears gliding over her nose and down to her temple.

They lied like that until Glenn’s breathing calmed down and he sniffled one final time.

“It’s gonna hurt less one day,” Glenn repeated out of the blue. “I love them, I’ll always love them. It’s gonna hurt less.”

“And- and you can cry when you feel like crying. Let it all out,” Diana added, advice she ought to take more often.

“Now you’re getting all sappy on me, Diana.”

Her hand glided down to Glenn’s cheek and she could feel it tug slightly in a small smile, which she mimicked. “You deserve all my sappiness.”

“Comes with the title, huh?”

“Guess you could say so.”

“My reputation as a masculine, manly man could be ruined over this. Ever stop to think of the consequences?”

“Screw the consequences, never gave a shit about ‘em anyway.”

“That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever caught you in.”

“That’s true.”

A beat of silence.

“Think we can each return to our own personal spaces now?”

“Oh, sorry.”

Diana’s hand stilled its caressing and flew away from Glenn’s cheek. She backed away from him, but before she could completely go back, Glenn stopped her by the shoulder.

“You know I was kidding, right? Okay, not completely kidding ‘cause it was getting kinda stuffy, but I was joking, I didn’t… I didn’t mind,” he sounded bashful, but honest, which relieved Diana of her insecurity that she had overstepped some sort of unspoken boundary.

This time she had no witty retort, so she simply said, “Thank you.”

They lied back down side by side, cricket song as white noise as Diana playing with their joined fingers. “My palm’s kinda sweating,” she admitted freely.

“Mine too,” Glenn breathed out in laughter. “Thinking about letting go?”

“Not really.”

“Good. Me neither.”

Diana completely ignored the starlit sky, focusing instead on her best friend’s hand in hers. Scared that if she let go, he wouldn’t return to her. “Glenn?”

“Hmm?”

“Promise you’re gonna come back tomorrow.”

“I promise,” Glenn whispered, and Diana heard the shift of the sleeping bag as he looked at her.

She looked back. “Promise harder.”

“I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to return to my family.”

Diana’s breath hitched and she choked up.

“It’s not insensitive, Diana, it’s what I needed to hear.”

“Then… good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it


	17. rainbows and puppies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't let the title deceive you  
> ...  
> i think

oOo

Today was not a great day, Diana summarized. Mostly because Glenn was off to go through unimaginable amounts of danger for their sake.

The weather was all kinds of depressing, gray and colorless and sticky. It dropped everyone’s moods about 10%. It was very fitting with the mood of ‘farewell’. Diana avoided calling it that. It felt awfully final.

After their incredibly emotional moment the night before, Diana almost refused to let go of Glenn that dawn. Their hug had lasted way longer than a normal hug would have. And after that, as Glenn was getting into the car, Diana’s grip on his hand was unrelenting. If you pried her, she would willingly admit she shed a tear or two.

She had total confidence that Glenn would come back safe and sound, and she had told him so. He was amazing that way. But still, an annoying little doubt in the back of her mind told her otherwise.

Back at home camp, Diana overheard her parents talking about the constant presence of death in their lives and how unclear and uncertain their futures were. She heard her mom cry.

Today was not a great day.

Alice was currently experiencing a low phase in her diagnosed bipolar disorder, which contrasted deeply from the energetic emotional high she’d been in for the past couple of days. Being off her meds did that. She was angry and touchy and barely spoke to anyone. They knew the best thing to do was let her initiate an approach instead of forcing one. Those were Alice’s rules. She liked dealing with everything on her own terms.

Felix didn’t even try to pretend to be okay like he often did. He’d been the last to come out of the tent, eyes were swollen and rimmed red. He hadn’t spoken a word to anyone and sighed heavily every two minutes.

The entire atmosphere during breakfast had been runny with unsolved feelings and stuffy with tension. No one dared to speak until the very end when Sam had announced that the self-defense training would not be taking place. It was taken with droopy nods and sighs of relief.

During another shift of nurse duty, the dying flowers Daryl had given her had managed to widen the hole in her chest.

She suffered through her patients’ questions, tended to minor injuries and listened to their stories and mostly one-sided conversations with a baseless smile that felt as fake as that last patient’s pearl necklace.

When she was done for the morning, Shane approached her station telling her they still hadn’t made contact with Glenn. Diana wished and hoped the day would finally end just. So she could retreat to the semi-comfort of her sleeping bag and not have to be a part of the semi-functioning society for a while.

oOo

“Hey Fe-Boy, my man!”

Felix looked up from where he’d been attempting to draw a face on the dirt, a pair of large eyes and a wide smile. He swiped his shoe over it, deleting all traces of the activity and stood to greet T-Dog.

The man had approached Sam about two days ago, saying how nice it was to have another brother around. Sam had resorted to Felix for a translation. Then immediately shot him down with a straightforward, “I’ve got five brothers but you’re not one of them.”

Felix had laughed at his dad’s candidness and T-Dog’s bewilderedness.

He befriended T-Dog with his boyish charisma and the man became a surrogate older brother to him. Felix loved his sisters but there’d been times he’d wished he’d had a brother.

“Hey, T-Dog, how’s it going?” They clapped their hands together, similar to the handshake Felix and Glenn had invented for themselves. Except less silly and unnecessarily long.

T-Dog grinned and put an arm around the taller boy’s shoulders, dragging him down slightly. He looked over his shoulder and raised a hand at Sam and Irene. “I’mma borrow your son for a while, that cool?”

“They don’t understand you,” Felix said. He ducked away from him and inform his parents that he’d be gone for a while.

They left in silence but Felix could feel T-Dog’s eyes on him, questioning. He didn’t feel like putting up a front. Didn’t feel like putting up with the man’s energy. Not today of all days. Not today after he’d dreamt of Tatiana and woke up crying.

They climbed into T-Dog’s van. Felix slammed the door shut and dropped his head heavily on the dashboard, banging it a couple of times against the plastic before letting it rest. His locs spilled around his head, tickling his ears and cheeks.

His entire self felt inexistent. Like he had nothing inside to give form to the hole left in his body and he was caving in on himself. He didn’t offer resistance to the feeling, he welcomed it, letting the emptiness swallow part of him.

He felt T-Dog’s heavy hand pat him on the back once, bringing him back to the moment. He looked at him from the corner of his eye.

“You okay, man? Wanna talk or something?” His brow was furrowed in concern. He’d never seen Felix act this way. He’d always been humorous and energetic and a little over the top with his antics, never this shell of a person with bloodshot eyes and a dead look.

Felix sighed heavily and sat upright until his torso hit the seat and his head leaned limply against it. If he was being melodramatic, he didn’t care.

“I miss my girlfriend. She’s probably dead,” he murmured, his voice cracking towards the end. He cleared his throat.

“Oh… shit, man.” T-Dog sucked air between his teeth and rubbed the top of his shaved head. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t gotta say anything. Mind if I ramble, though?” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and glancing at T-Dog. “I feel like I need to get this out.”

The man nodded and mumbled a “go ahead”.

Felix thought back on her. Tatiana. Her soft freckles, large green eyes, big smile.  

The proud way she held herself. How they’d lay on his bed while he played video games and she stroked his skin with the tips of her fingers like he loved so much. He thought back to the light in her eyes when he gave her a real gold ring with their birthstones and names engraved on it on their one-year anniversary. And how Tatiana had almost cried and held him and kissed his face with joy.

He told T-Dog all this and more. Between sobs and hiccups, he told him all the good and the bad. His jealousy over the stupidest things and how he was sorry about it all now. How much time they’d wasted being mad at each other about ridiculous things. How much it didn’t matter now and if he could go back he would apologize for everything he’d ever said. He would kiss her a thousand times over and he would treasure their time together. Because this was Tatiana, the girl he was 100% sure he was going to marry.

When all was said T-Dog pulled him into a bear hug. “It’s alright, man, it’s alright.”

When he was released, Felix wiped his face on his shirt and apologized.

“Hey, it’s all good. We all need to have a good cry now and then. It helps.” He clapped Felix on the shoulder again. “Sounds like you had a good girl, man, but you can’t possibly know she ain’t alive. For all you know she could be out there alive and kickin’. Busting zombie ass all over the damn place.”

Felix snorted, but the mental image made him feel better. Tatiana dressed like Arnold Schwarzenegger in ‘Predator’, mud on her face, yelling out “Get to da choppa!” He preferred to imagine her like this than being eaten alive by his worst nightmare.

He locked that thought down in his mind alongside everything Tatiana. He would cope. He might never see her again, but he could at least pretend she was out there to lament over him as well. Maybe one day they’d both move on and it wouldn’t be as painful to think about each other again.

Felix sighed and inhaled deeply, filling his chest with air and determination. He smiled at T-Dog. “Thanks, dude. That kinda helped.”

T-Dog gave him a cocky grin and tapped himself on the chest. “I’m the best, Fe-Boy. You gotta admit it.”

With a lighter heart and some sense of peace of mind, Felix put a pin on his thoughts of Tatiana. He wouldn’t forget her, not in a long time, but for now, the pain was still too fresh and he needed to think about something else.

“You had someone before this?” Felix asked.

T-Dog put his forearms on the steering wheel and heaved a short huff of laughter. “Nah, not exactly before. But I had a girl, couple years back. Damn, most amazing girl I ever been with.” He glanced at Felix with a disbelieving shake of his head.

“Tell me about her.”

“Boy, she had some bombing curves, thickest thighs I’d ever seen. Not the biggest rack, if you know what I mean but damn, did she make up for it,” T-Dog whooped and seemed almost lost in his fantasy.

Felix was unimpressed. It was fine to like his girlfriend’s body, but was that really all he missed about her? That was kind of sad. And not only because Felix was hopelessly romantic.

T-Dog peered at Felix, probably expecting some form of satisfaction from his description, but his expression dropped when he met none. He sighed, leaned back in his seat and rubbed the top of his head.

“I knew her from back in high school. I had the biggest, most stupidly obvious crush on her ever, and if she ever noticed, she never told me.”

Felix nodded in encouragement; this was what he wanted to hear. He was a romantic at heart. Shit, as cliché as it might seem, he’d cried watching The Notebook.

“When we met back up, all that giddy kid stuff just punched me in the gut, ya know? I mean, I wasn’t in love with her or anything, but the nostalgia, man, the nostalgia brought that crush right up and I had to ask her out. I swear I coulda screamed how happy I was. It was fucking ridiculous, Fe-Boy.

She was studying dentistry, ‘cause she wanted to give people the confidence to smile. She volunteered at an animal shelter, ‘cause her parents never let her have her own pet. And I always laughed at her crappy jokes, ‘cause I never wanted to let her down.”

“What happened?” Felix asked when T-Dog’s smile went from ecstatic to melancholic.

“She-uh, she got lung cancer and uh…” He rubbed his eyes with the tips of his fingers and inhaled a shuddered breath.

Felix laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Fucked up part was she didn’t even smoke, man, never had. I mean, how-” He cut himself off when his voice started to give and he turned away from Felix, facing the window so he could compose himself.

It was hard enough not knowing if your significant other was alive or not like it was with him. But T-Dog was going through this knowing his girlfriend was long dead and there was nothing he could’ve possibly done.

Cancer was a fickle bitch. It had also taken his grandpa that year. He’d been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer shortly before last Christmas. What had started as that evolved to metastases everywhere in his body. He’d been too weak for chemotherapy. The only solution had been to just offer him the best care possible until he passed away.

The worst part was that he didn’t even get to say goodbye. Grandpa had been in Portugal while he’d been in Switzerland. The only ones who’d visited him had been mom - his daughter - dad, and Diana - his Goddaughter.

He and Alice still remembered him as the strong sixty-nine-year-old man who loved tending to his crops and caring for his chicken and rabbits and pigeons. Not as the frail skeleton of a man he’d seen in the pictures.

Cancer was a tricky motherfucker and both Felix and T-Dog had tasted its bitterness.

“I’m sorry to hear about that. She sounds really amazing,” Felix said.

“Yeah, she was.”

After a second of silence, Felix turned to T-Dog. “Hey, dude, how about you find me a better nickname? I’m not really feeling Fe-Boy,” he admitted, hoping to cheer up his would-be brother.

T-Dog turned to him, forced smile and all, and gestured with his hand. “What you talking about, you ain’t feeling Fe-Boy?”

oOo

Alice looked up as Felix entered the tent and lied face down on his sleeping bag.

“Same,” she mumbled to herself and sharpened the pencil she’d been drawing with. She’d been lying there, drawing, since breakfast. She was both grateful for the escape and wishing she was dead.

It wasn’t even anything in particular that powered the feeling. She just thought she’d be better off dead. No one cared about her, probably more than half the world’s population was already gone, so who would notice just another corpse? Who cared?

To be honest, the logical part of her knew there were people who did care. But then again, did they really? Or were they just pretending to love her?

Knowing the doubt was something her mind was making up was different from feeling it that way. She told herself, again and again, it wasn’t real, that she was loved, that she would be missed. But there was always this little voice in the back of her mind that told her it was all lies. That voice became stronger and stronger until it was the only thing she heard.

So to occupy her mind, Alice drew.

Her drawings were polar opposites of what she was feeling. She drew happy faces full of love and joy in hopes of drowning out the negativity she felt.

The last depressive phase she’d experienced hadn’t been so low. She hadn’t been so unwilling to do nothing other than lie in her tent. She’d been angry at everything and everyone, that was how she coped. She’d hid it all under a thick coat of anger but still had cooperated in the goings on of nowadays society nonetheless. She had worked together with her family to ensure their survival and had found enough motivation to go through daily life without wanting to die.

She’d had thoughts of suicide in the past. She’d pass by a car on the street and consider throwing herself in front of it, same with trains. She’d thought of jumping from a high building, feel the wind rush by her as she plunged to her death. But she’d never been so bold as to try anything. She wanted to be dead without the hassle of killing herself.

Mostly because of her religious upbringing. Her family wasn’t extremely religious but Alice had always been scared of the Hell her grandma used to tell her about. She joked about belonging there many times but she knew how terrified she was of the concept.

Something that also made her want to stay alive a little longer was little things. If she died, she wouldn’t know how her favorite show would end. She wouldn’t hear new songs from her favorite band. But now the world was dead and none of those things mattered anyway.

Still, she didn’t let it deter her. She wished she was dead, but she would never kill herself.

To her, killing herself now would be giving in, giving up. It would be seen as an act of cowardice. And if there’s something Alice was not, was a coward.

“Something you want?” she asked Felix. “I’m tryna concentrate here and your stinky feet are right up in my face.”

Felix pressed his sneakered foot against her cheek. She yelled out in disgust and slapped it away. She punched him on the hip afterward but ended up hurting herself on his sharp bones. “Go away, you skinny _comemierda_. Get out of here and leave me the fuck alone.”

“The tent ain’t yours,” Felix countered after sitting upright. He seemed too lethargic to fight back. “Hey, whatcha drawing?”

Alice widened her eyes and covered the sketchbook with her arms. “Nothing!”

“Was that-”

“It was nothing. I’m drawing skulls and dead flowers. Leave, now!” Alice bellowed and lowered her head, letting her hair help with hiding.

“Bitch, I live here. I’m not leaving.” Felix plopped himself back on his sleeping bag, crossed his arms under his head and crossed his legs at the ankle.

Alice dragged out an annoyed groan. “Fine, do whatever the fuck you want. Just stay over on your side.” And that’s mainly the reason why Diana always slept in the middle of them; natural barrier, neutral as they came.

Alice scooched away to the very end of the tent, as far away from Felix as possible. She uncovered her book after checking over her shoulder that he wasn’t looking. His eyes were closed and mouth slightly apart, probably on the verge of falling asleep.

She looked back down. She’d drawn herself, in her cartoonish style, hair extra big and poofy and an unnaturally big smile on her lips, throwing a peace sign.

The lines were sketchy, just as she liked them but she was considering cleaning them up for a smoother effect.

Around her, she’d done her best to draw renditions of her family. Diana was to her right, giving her bunny ears with a flower stuck in her hair like Alice had seen her the day before. Felix had his arms crossed and had a confident smirk on his lips, locs flopping over his forehead, covering one eye – only because it had been a pain to get the other one right.

Mom and dad stood behind their children, looking down at them with pride. She’d accidentally drawn them too tall and floaty as if angels from a cloud, but she liked the effect and let it be.

Alice flipped over the past attempts, all goofy looking and with beginner mistakes that she hadn’t been able to tolerate and had forced herself to start over.

She started drawing intricate flower designs around the five people. Her tongue poked slightly out of her mouth in focused genius. When she was done, she peeked again over her shoulder, but Felix appeared to really have fallen asleep.

She smiled softly at the drawing. It was cheesy as all hell and she’d never let another set of eyes see it, but it was something she would treasure. Not only because it was one of her best works until now, but because it would be something that she could look at when she had her next low. Something to remind her that she was loved and she had something to live for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it.


	18. regretting life choices

oOo

Diana dragged her hands down her face and drew out a groan. “I hate my life. I regret all my life decisions and I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from being the embarrassment I am,” she mumbled into her palms and gave a fake sob of exasperation.

It was after lunch. She was hiding away in the back of the home camp, under a tree in the middle of the underbrush.

Diana dragged her hands up her hairline and dug her fingertips into her scalp, pulling at the roots of her hair in frustration and anxiety. Why had she said that to Daryl? Why had she told him she’d make up to him for his family’s lack of physical and emotional affection? Of all the stupid things that had ever left her mouth, that sure took the prize for most idiotic.

She didn’t have the familiarity with him that she had with Glenn, for example. She’d had enough difficulty keeping the weird tingling in her lower abdomen on the down low the day before and still, she’d gone and said it anyway.

It was for a good cause, that was sure. She was proud of herself for it but oh so horrified.

How would she even go about it? Put her arm around his shoulder and call him ‘pal’? Hook her arm with his? Hold his hand?!

She physically shook her head and felt a blush rise on her cheeks.

This was so cliché and so wrong.

Suck it up, big baby, she berated herself. Only she could find herself horrified by such a situation when the end of the fucking world was going on. Get some perspective, Diana.

“Agh, whatever!” she exclaimed and stood up, slapping her butt free of dirt and grabbing her bow from the ground. “Just go with the flow, baby. Breathe, don’t force anything. Wing it, baby-girl, that’s how you do most things in life. Just wing it.”

When Daryl appeared her throat closed up and her stomach plummeted to the pit of her abdomen. They walked in uninterrupted silence to their spot.

Daryl noticed her discomfort as soon as they reached the clearing. He frowned at her as he settled his cross down by the rocks.

She tried to cover it up with a smile, but from his reaction, she was sure it looked like a grimace.

“You look like you swallowed a frog, you alright?” He approached her and stood in front of her with arms crossed. Not even the sight of his flexed biceps was enough to make her feel better. Okay, that was a huge lie.

Diana sighed and with one hand fiddled with the hem of her tank top. “I’m not having a great day,” she admitted lamely.

It wasn’t only her uneasiness. She also felt Glenn’s absence down to her soul. The fact that she was on her period didn’t help things.

“Mind if I ask for something?” The narrowing of Daryl’s eyes at her question almost made her smile. “You don’t gotta look so skeptical.”

“Nah I do, ‘cause every time you wanna ask somethin’, you just pokin’ your nose in my business and my past.”

His defensiveness made her forego her original question to defend herself in return. “Is it that bad that I wanna get to know you? I mean, we’re gonna be spending a lot of time together. I think it’s only normal.”

Daryl squinted his baby blues at her and shifted in place, looking uncomfortable. “Why?”

“Why? What why?” Diana shrugged helplessly and let the bow fall to the dirt with a dull thud. “I wanna be your friend!”

The confession brought her heart to race and caused her palms to sweat. Daryl’s words came back to mind. He didn’t want her friendship. She was annoying. Still, she insisted.

“And friends wanna know- they wanna know about each other’s… everything. ‘Cause they care and stuff. I can count on one hand the friends I’ve had and I wasn’t really good at it. I didn’t call back, I ignored texts, I was selfish.” Regret overtook Diana’s tone of voice. She knew she was over-sharing and should probably shut her mouth, “And now… they’re probably all dead and I can’t do anything about it. But I can be a good friend to you.”

It was all true. As much as she felt disgusted at herself, she also felt indifference. Her apathy was justified, but this was not something she wanted to disclose or think about at that particular time. It would only bring down her mood even more.

“You tryna redeem yourself through me? Make up for some bullshit teen drama you went through?”

Diana’s mouth snapped shut and a heat started boiling inside her. Her sweat was cold against her scorching skin.

He didn’t know what he was talking about. He didn’t know what had happened at all. That ‘bullshit teen drama’ had been the starting point of many of her issues. Some of which had been ignited by her own trusted ‘friends’.

“That’s not it,” she affirmed with a low voice but said nothing else to address his words.

She could see the guilt clear on his expression when she turned her face. She clenched and unclenched her fists, her right one hurting from the force.

How had it escalated this far? She’d wanted to ask for a simple hug, to feel it out. And because she loved hugs and really needed one right now.

She normally went to Felix for that, because he gave the best hugs, but he’d been napping. Alice was a no-go. And she didn’t want to worry her parents with sudden clinginess. They’d know something was wrong.

Diana glanced up at Daryl and saw him scratch his head in frustration, looking at her with what could only be called shame in the lines of his face.

She didn’t understand it. He always seemed displeased at himself whenever he upset her, it was so strange. She knew he’d said he wouldn’t yell at her anymore and whenever their conversations took a disagreeable turn, all it took was her showing just a hint of distress for him to turn almost docile.

This wasn’t something she’d ever expected from Daryl. She’d seen him with Shane, like a dog with a bone, or even his own brother, the two fought like words could maim. But he always seemed to regret his callous words and acts towards her.

She knew from observation that it was not because of her being a woman. She’d seen how rude and unforgiving he could be to some, if not most survivors from the Quarry camp, no matter the gender.

Not the type to hold grudges, Diana forgave easily.

She sighed deeply and opened her mouth to apologize, but the voice was not her own. “Sorry.”

Diana glanced from Daryl’s apologetic eyes to his lips, afraid to have imagined the words.

“Sorry?” she repeated, confused. Well, he’d been the one to offend, so why was she the one who was going to apologize? She seriously had to get rid of that habit.

“Ya said you ain’t havin’ a good day and I fuck it up even worse.” He avoided her gaze now, staring off to the side, absently into the tree line.

Why was he being so amiable and cordial? She appreciated it but it was so different from what she witnessed from him in public that it made her head spin. Who was this person?

She hesitated for a moment before swallowing the lump in her throat. She laid a hand on Daryl’s arm and squeezed it gently.

The contact came as a thrill that crept under her skin. The hairs on her arms stood on end and her scalp tingled blissfully.

She couldn’t understand her body’s response. She tried comparing it to the only other person outside her family that she let casually touch her, Glenn. But there was nothing to compare, though, not really. She never reacted so extremely to him, it was like he was family, even to a subconscious level.

It was probably that.

Diana still wanted to apologize for her intrusiveness. “It’s okay, I can be-”

“Don’t do that,” he warned, finally looking at her. “Don’t try to defend me by puttin’ yourself down, I ain’t hearing that. Whatever made me say what I said ain’t your fault.”

His words made Diana’s hand drop to her side, grazing his arm on its way. A grateful nod from her.

It sounded like something you’d say to someone who’s suffered from abuse. It raised many questions in her mind.

Diana studied him. The earnestness and finality in his tone, leaving no room for excuses, the pursing of his lips and tenseness of his shoulders. Whatever he was thinking about now was making him uncomfortable, like he wanted nothing more than slip out of his own skin.

Was this something he’d said to someone before? Or someone had said to him? Or were these words he’d wish he’d heard at some point in his life?

Those thoughts plunged a knife in Diana’s heart and twisted it viciously. These were only assumptions but they were coming from a place she trusted to be true.

Diana didn’t say anything that betrayed her thoughts and only reached out to grab at Daryl’s hand. She hooked her index finger with his pinkie, then grabbed his fingers in hers and ran her thumb softly over his knuckles, feeling flush with embarrassment.

She could hear him swallow drily and saw the column of his throat move to accommodate the action. Then, without looking at him lest she chicken out at the last second, Diana brought Daryl’s hand up and cushioned her lips against it. An innocent peck.

The contact lasted a mere second. Daryl snatched his hand from hers as though her touch had scalded him. The sudden movement caused Diana to snap her head up and look at him in bewilderment.

He didn’t look any better. His eyes were wide and lips parted in surprise. He held his hand away like he’d taken offense in the what she’d done.

“What?” Diana asked after a few seconds of staring at each other.

She saw his Adam’s apple bob up and down once more before he spoke. “Why’d you do that?”

Diana shook her head in stupefaction. “As thank you.” And to show how sorry she was, for whatever she suspected had happened in his past. She was reminded of the reason behind her promise the day before, and why she’d made it in the first place.

Daryl said nothing after that. His eyes roamed up and down, appraising her, almost mistrustful. And then he asked, “What’d you wanna ask?”

Diana let her brow furrow in confusion until it dawned on her what he meant and she looked away with her heart beating audibly inside her ribcage.

“Eh, you know, nothing important. Just forget it.”

“I snapped at you ‘cause of that,” he said and tried to catch her eye. “I wanna know what it was about. I’ll answer it, no matter how nosy and up-in-my-business you get.”

Diana felt bashful and contemplated turning on her heel and running back, cutting her training off before it had even started.

“It’s not really a question, though, it’s more a… a _Wunsch_? A- fuck what’s it called? A wish? A… a request, a request!” She took a breath and glanced at Daryl from the corner of her eye, looking at her expectantly. She brought a hand up to cover the side of her face turned to him and shook her head. “Nothing, nothing at all. I didn’t… I didn’t want a thing.” Chicken, chicken, chicken!

“Just spit it out,” Daryl said, rather patiently for such impatient words, like he was coaxing a baby to say their first word. That’s what she’d reduced herself to.

She dropped her hands. “It’s a… it’s a-” With her arms she mimicked a hug, not wanting to say the word out loud. “‘Cause I’m a sad pathetic loser and I thought it’d make me feel better.”

God, she was so lame. This was not the first time she’d felt like burying herself alive when talking to Daryl. She was sure it would not be the last with her track record for saying embarrassing shit.

She peeked at him through the spaces between her fingers. His expression was one of having been extremely caught off guard. His eyebrows were raised halfway to his hairline and his complexion had started to take on a particular shade of red that Diana had never seen on him.

Diana waved her hands about. “Okay, know what? Let’s forget I ever opened my mouth, you know? Like for real, let’s just forget this and start the archery stuff, okay? Can we- can we do that now?”

She went to bend down to pick up her bow but a hand grabbed her by the upper arm.

Diana could’ve cried with embarrassment by then. “Please, just forget about it,” she half-whined as she stood upright and the hand dropped from her arm.

Daryl made a sound that was half clearing his throat and half choking on air. Diana saw from the corner of her eye as he hesitantly and somewhat shakily opened his arms to her just slightly. His face was very red and he wasn’t looking at her. Diana thought of how much it all looked like a scene straight out of those cheesy romance anime Alice loved to mock.

She was glad he wasn’t looking at her, otherwise, it would’ve been doubly awkward for her.

Diana cleared her throat softly and mentally yelled at the stuff tickling her stomach to quit it. She took a step into the reach of his half raised arms. Then another, until she was standing toe to toe with him. She put her arms around his torso slowly, almost afraid he’d jerk back.

The warmth she felt through the thin material of their shirts was enough to make her breath hitch and set her heart racing even quicker. Seeing as he couldn’t see her face, she didn’t mind if she was flushed. She rested her head on his shoulder, the corner of her mouth touching the skin where his sleeve ended.

Her insides felt like water.

Daryl enclosed his arms around her, loosely like he was uncertain.

Diana laughed inwardly at how silly it all was. Absurd, but funny.

She turned her head. Her nose skimmed Daryl’s skin and her lips parted for a deep sigh. Her breath splayed on his neck and she could feel him shiver. He smelled of pines, sweat and peppermint gum.

Her chest felt warm and her heart content. Like a blanket and hot chocolate on a snowy day. She tightened her arms around him, fisting the shirt at his back and leaving no space between their chests. With eyes half closed, Diana whispered, “You can hold on tighter.”

She buried her head deeper into the crook of his neck, the exposed skin warm on her lips. She felt his pulse quicken there.

When his arms coiled around her, squeezing her to him, Diana’s mind turned blank. She was 100% completely sure no hug had ever or would ever feel as great as that. She felt comfort, a sense of security, and tingling that spread throughout her body, pooling deep and warm in her lower abdomen and twisting her heart.

She was hyper aware of her chest against his, expanding and contracting with every shallow breath, of his arms on her back, hands splayed against her burning skin.

She felt the immense urge to let her hands roam on the expanse of his broad back, but resisted it, grabbing onto his shirt for good measure. She was beginning to think like the leading lady from a romance novel and she had to shut that down.

“Daryl?” she mumbled, lips grazing against his neck to form the syllables.

She felt him nod, his head had come to rest slightly against hers.

She’d been scared he’d reject the proposal, even as a favor. She was extremely pleased with how it turned out, despite the initial awkwardness.

“You don’t mind?” she asked, voice muffled. They’d been holding that position for longer than the average hug. Diana didn’t mind at all. With the right partner, the longer the better.

And Daryl was an incredible partner.

He made nothing to indicate he’d be letting go anytime soon so Diana thought he hadn’t heard her. When she opened her mouth to repeat herself, she felt him shake his head.

“I don’t.” The words rumbled in his chest and Diana felt them resonate in her.

“ _This is so fucking anime_ ,” Diana mumbled to herself with a chuckle and leaned away, silently signaling the end of it.

Daryl seemed almost reluctant to let go but did it all the same. Suddenly, everything around them was more interesting than the other.

“You know you’re not gonna be able to escape now, right?”

“What?” Daryl turned to her, complexion slowly returning to its normal color. Diana thanked God she didn’t have to worry about looking obviously red because of her tone.

“Once I’m comfortable enough with someone, I got like, zero problems with skinship.” Diana felt like she should be embarrassed by the boldness of her words, but she was still riding an endorphin high, so they didn’t faze her.

It was true. There were people that made her squirm in discomfort whenever they took liberties with touching her. Then there were the few chosen ones who were either blessed or cursed to have to deal with her constant need for physical closeness.

Daryl rubbed the side of his neck and lifted a shoulder. “Ain’t harmin’ no one.”

His fake nonchalance almost made Diana laugh.

She smiled lopsided and bent down to pick up her bow. “Let’s not do this today, yeah? Just not really feeling up for it.”

She knew that she should really be training because their time was limited. But honestly, her insides were like jelly and her limp noodles for arms would make it hard to lift the bow for any long period of time. She didn’t want Daryl to see that.

Their journey back was made in comfortable silence. When they reached camp, each went their own way. But not before Diana gave Daryl a conspiratory smile, which he returned with a subtle lift of the corner of his lips.

oOo

“Glenn’s back!”

The shout from the main camp reached Diana’s ears and made her perk up and snap her head around, almost giving herself whiplash. She dropped her book at her feet with no hesitation and took off towards the sound.

She faintly registered Alice and Felix emerging from their tent and following after.

A small welcome committee had gathered as Glenn’s car revved into view, following the curves of the road. He parked in front of them.

Diana yelled at the crowd to make way, using her arms to part them like they were the Red Sea and she was Moses. She was on Glenn as soon as he opened the door. Her arms went around his neck and they both lost balance and fell against the side of the vehicle, rocking it with their weight.

Glenn’s hands came to grasp at her waist in his surprise. When he noticed who it was, he hugged her back just as fiercely, his face buried in the crook of her neck. A happy chuckle escaped him.

“Hey there, champ,” he said and they broke apart. “Miss me?”

“Yes,” Diana admitted earnestly. Glenn blushed and lifted his baseball cap to scratch his head.

Another hug and she stepped away to let him be received by the others. Their receptions weren’t as enthusiastic as hers, but they showed their concern and gratitude in their own way and let him be.

Glenn recounted everything to Shane and handed over the requested supplies he’d collected. Mostly food but some hardware tools that could double as melee weapons and other necessities like hygiene articles and the likes.

He spent dinner with the Lobos. Diana clung onto him like a koala bear onto a eucalyptus tree, their hands entwined on her lap, much to Sam’s chagrin.

Enthusiastically, merging with the feeling of belonging, Glenn told them each and every detail from the run. Alice and Felix translated roughly to their parents so they could be included on the tale.

When each returned to their individual conversations, Irene started humming softly to herself while cleaning up dinner. Alice caught on to it and started singing out loud. _Duele el Corazón_ , Diana realized upon hearing the lyrics.

Irene started accompanied her, louder, encouraging the girl to do the same. Felix joined them with little reluctance, his gravelly voice counteracting the two more feminine ones. Diana smiled at Glenn, who looked at her in amused confusion, and she swayed in her seat, making him sway with her.

When the song was going on full swing, Irene pulled Sam up by the hand. He protested in the beginning but when she dragged him close and they started dancing by the firelight, Sam cooperated happily.

Once the song was over, Alice immediately started another one of Enrique’s, since she knew her mom loved him. Diana joined in, quieter than the others, self-conscious of her low and slightly flat singing voice.

The song was abruptly interrupted by a sudden appearance and Irene and Sam stopped their dance.

“Evening, fellows,” came a voice from behind Diana. She and Glenn pivoted in their seats to face it. It was Shane. Of motherfucking course. “Hey, Glenn. I know you’re happy to be back and we’re glad for you, pal and thankful, but you folks mind taking it down a notch? We think that all the uh-” He let his eyes roam over the Lobos. “-noise isn’t very wise.”

Oh, the nerve of the _filho da puta_!

“Shane, ‘pal’. I just went through hell and back for yours and everyone’s sakes. All I’m asking is that I celebrate my safe return with my family.”

Diana’s heart swelled at his words and she squeezed his hand. He squeezed back but didn’t break eye contact with Shane.

The man stared back for a contemplative moment before sighing and nodding. “Fine, fine. Try less singing, maybe. It can get a bit grating.” And with that, he nodded his farewell and left.

Alice huffed in offense. “Fucking asshat,” she cursed. Irene scolded her, saying she’d understood that. “I sound good. He wishes he sounded like me.”

“ _Whatever the motherfucker said, he can go take a hike and fuck himself_ ,” Sam said with unperturbed humor, and Irene slapped him on the upper arm.

“I hope it wasn’t too much, with the family thing,” Glenn admitted to Diana while simply ignoring whatever foreign insult Sam had bellowed.

“Of course not, I told you yesterday, Glenn. Alice already adores you. Felix treats you like you two are old friends. And my parents, well, the fact that I’m holding your hand right now probably doesn’t help your case, but they’re opening up to you. And me, you know you’ll never have to doubt what I feel for you, Glenn.”

Glenn’s smile lit up his face and he hugged Diana to his side. His arm stayed around her for two more songs and then Irene deemed it was enough music for the evening.

Then they played UNO while Sam and Irene talked and kept their score on the side. Alice won 2 rounds, and Felix and Glenn won 1 each. Diana was the Biggest Loser™. She was used to it, though, UNO hated her.

Once Glenn started yawning every two seconds, Diana deemed it time for him to go to bed. He’d had one hell of a day, he needed his rest. So she hugged him goodnight. He hugged a flustered Alice as well and did his super long and silly handshake with Felix. They failed many times and were both laughing by the end of it. Then Alice got jealous. So Diana watched, a smile on her face, as they quickly invented a handshake of their own.

She waved him goodbye with drooping eyes when he left.

Lying in her sleeping bag, she reflected back on the eventful day. Everything had started so wrong but they were learning to cope, to see the silver linings, to enjoy every little joyful thing. And their individual sadness had melted into a rich moment full of laughter and song and family.

Not every day had to be sunshine and flowers and rainbows, that was just not how things worked. And not every day had a good conclusion like today had. Some remained gray and lifeless. Not everything had to have a happy ending, especially not nowadays. But those rare happy times had to be celebrated and lived fully without dwelling on the misery because no one could possibly know when the next one would come.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the hug, feel the hug, be the hug. But for real, I exaggerated for a reason. Diana never experienced any kind of romantic intimacy, so what happens between her and Daryl is all new and exciting, even if she is oblivious to the romantic connotations.  
> Glenn, precious and lovable Glenn, whom Diana and the sibs already love so much. He’ll always be part of the family.  
> please leave a comment. tell me your thoughts, i'd really appreciate it.


	19. of zombie lions and flying rocks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No plot really, just character and relationship development. *shrugs*

oOo

Glenn had brought back some books for Diana on the first supply run some days back. One was a big atlas of human anatomy that she had yet to crack open and the other a paperback about nutrition.

Diana had her nose currently buried in the latter, reading rapturously like her life depended on it. She sighed dejectedly and let it fall to her lap, her finger marking the page. “Guys, I miss peanut butter,” she announced to her family, as if saying it would satisfy her craving.

Irene looked up from the shirt she was sewing up, one eyebrow raised. “I told you to stop reading that book before meals, _filha_. You’ll make yourself unnecessarily hungry. Read it once you’re full.”

“But I’m never really completely full, plus I’m learning so much.” Diana raised a knowledgeable finger and read out loud, “You know that peanut butter has vitamin E and B6, magnesium, and potassium. It can decrease the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and other chronic health conditions.” She looked up and licked her lips. “Yummm. Delicious and nutritious.”

From her spot lying on the blanket by the fire pit, going through her polaroid pictures, Alice spoke up. “You ever stop to think if Beyoncé’s still alive?” From peanut butter to Beyoncé. Diana sometimes wondered what Alice’s thought process was like. Not that she was any better.

Irene laughed and inspected her work on the shirt. “You’ve got some strange priorities.”

Diana gave a soft chuckle in response. “I hope so. I mean, imagine teaming up with Queen B,” Diana said, head already in the clouds. Actually, the possibility of meeting a huge celebrity in these circumstances was pretty low, but she could dream.

Felix paused in his bat swinging and joined in. “There’s a higher chance she’s dead, though,” he said nonchalantly. “Now my man, Abel, that’s a brother I think coulda made it out this far.” He smiled smugly and tapped the bat on his shoulder.

Diana closed her book, done for now, and solemnly joined her hands in her lap. “A moment of silence for Beyoncé, baddest bitch in the game,” she said in all seriousness.

Alice sat up and joined her hands in prayer. “We hope you slaying in the afterlife,” she said with eyes closed.

Felix snorted and mumbled an ‘oh my fucking God’ and then said, “What about zoo animals?”

Alice gasped, fully offended, and her hand flew to her chest. “You wanna compare Beyoncé to zoo animals?”

“Shut up,” Felix laughed and came to sit next to Diana by the fire pit, dropping the bat at his feet. “No, like what happened to them? Are they out roaming free or you think they’re gonna die in their habitats? You think animals can become zombies?” Those were good questions. Felix, the animal lover, there you go, folks.

“Who the hell knows,” Sam said with heavy breath. He took one final swing of the axe and threw the chopped timber into the fire pit. Then he went around Alice and Diana to slowly creep up behind Felix. “One of these days a zombie lion’s might crawl into your tent and _eat you alive_!” he yelled out and tickled Felix’s sides, his weakest spot. Sam laughed out in victory when the boy yelped and flinched away from his hands.

He cleared his throat. “That didn’t scare me,” he said, trying to regain his composure.

Sam smirked and crossed his arms smugly. “A real lion would’ve.”

Felix sighed in mocked anguish. “You know, times like these I wanna go to my room and play some Destiny 2 or a nice, relaxing round of Pokémon. Try to catch some shinies and shit, but, ya know, circumstances...” he clicked his tongue.

Irene folded the shirt in her lap and stood up to put it away. “All this happening and you still only think about your video games,” she sighed.

Felix widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows in defense. “I’mma never play video games again. Lemme at least mourn them, woman!”

Diana felt the same about her phone. If only she’d bought that solar charger, maybe she’d still be able to do something on it, even without internet. What if she asked Glenn to see if he found one on his next run? Wow, stroke of genius.

Sam clipped Felix on the back of the head, some of his locs swung and hit him in the face. “Don’t fucking call your mother that.”

He rubbed his nape and looked up at his dad. “If she’s not a woman, what is she then? A monkey impersonating a person?” Felix stood and swung his weight from foot to foot while scratching under his armpits like a monkey. “Oooh oooh aaah aaah!”

“You’re stepping over the damn line.” Sam gave him a _dad look_ ™. Irene walked over to him a tapped him on the arm with a calm shake of her head and a disarming smile. If there was one thing Sam demanded from his children, it was respect. He was extremely intolerant towards disrespectful behavior.

Felix smirked and stood to give his mom a quick hug, which she retributed. “It’s a joke, _pai_ , chill.” Then he laughed in sudden realization and pointed to his sisters. “ _It’s just a prank, bro!_ ”

Diana and Alice laughed with him at the reference.

Diana’s stomach gurgled and growled in pained hunger. She laid her hand on top of her belly with a sheepish smile. “So, _mami_ , about lunch…”

Irene put her hands on her hips. “What’d I tell you?” “What’d you mom tell you?” Sam accused at the same time, one arm going around his wife’s waist.

Sam tackled lunch, forcing his wife to sit down and relax. It was one of the things Diana loved about her parents’ marriage, it was an actual marriage. They divided chores. Housework wasn’t something that her dad scoffed at and deemed women’s work. They were equal in everything. Diana always knew that was how she wanted her marriage to be. If she ever got married.

Irene pushed Felix’s locs away from his face while the boy swatted at her hand in protest. She told him they needed to do something about his hair, since it was getting too unmanageable. Jokingly, she said she would come into his tent at night and would cut it all off.

With a frustrated huff, Felix said he would be moving away from home camp since one parent threatened him with a lion and the other with scissors, so what kind of parents were they. All his comment brought him was a bought of laughter at his expense.

That meal’s conversational topic centered around Quarry Gossip™. Alice had ingrained herself so deep into Lori’s daily life, helping with tutoring and playing with the kids, that she’d gained the woman’s trust in no time. That meant that Lori would gossip with her and then ask her for her vote of confidentiality.

Sure, Lori, keep believing that.

The Lobos always minded their own business and didn’t interfere with someone else’s, but gossip meant the latest news. Who knew if any otherwise seemingly useless piece of information might not tip them off that a shitstorm was about to break out. It was the best way to stay alert while keeping the guise of nonchalance.

After lunch, Sam was called away by Morales. They’d learned of his expertise in construction and had recruited him, with much effort, to help improve some of their structures. So far he’d used the materials at hand to build them a shower cabin with the complete privacy of a working door. Plus, he’d had some great ideas on how to improve the security of the perimeter with some anti-zombie contraptions. That was their current pet project in the making.

Irene cleaned the dishes with a wet rag and complained that it was Sam’s turn to do the laundry. Since he was gone, she’d be the one to have to do it. She sighed deeply and used that tone of voice mothers used when they were trying to subtly hint toward something.

Alice, Felix, and Diana all looked accusingly at each other, trying to communicate per telepathy and force the other to help.

Then, Diana stood with a cheeky grin, giving her siblings hope for a second, and announced that she had to go to archery practice. Her mom excused her and turned to Alice and Felix for help.

Diana got her bow and left home camp with curses of foul play being thrown at her back and a smirk on her lips.

oOo

Diana took the long way to the clearing, taking time to appreciate the sudden breeze on her skin and let herself get lost in thought. She picked some flowers absentmindedly and thought of Glenn.

He’d left for another supply run that morning and it was fair to say, he’d been less insecure this time around. He knew his way around the city better than anyone and he was quick on his feet. Their farewell had also been way less dramatic this time seeing as her confidence in his skills had only grown since the first time. Still, her heart felt somewhat restricted by the thought of him alone out there.

He’d been given another list of what to look out for. This time, she’d added her own items to that list. Any medical equipment was a given, but she’d underlined her dad’s and Alice’s medication. Those were most important.

And although it wasn’t on the list, she hoped he found a solar charger and some peanut butter.

She stopped to rip a blue flower from its long stem to add to her handful, then another for behind her ear. She felt like a forest nymph whenever she wandered through the woods alone and with the bow at her side, the effect only multiplied.

The bow hummed on her shoulder, as if it had sensed itself in her thoughts. Diana turned them to her almost daily practices. According to Daryl, she’d been making good improvements. She’d also been dreading her interactions with him less and less. He was much more agreeable, that was true. But even when he argued with her, it was all very light-hearted. He never did or said something that would hurt her.

She had feared that the atmosphere of the practices would turn weird after her whole pretentious ‘your parents were fucking shitty so I’mma make up for it by becoming your friend’ and the hug. But she realized that things would only be awkward if she made them awkward. So she saved up social energy for practices so she could put all her charisma into their interactions.

Diana thought it was working so far.

oOo

When she reached the clearing, Daryl already awaited her, as usual. Did the guy even eat lunch? Did he just inhale his food just to have the satisfaction of always arriving before her? He was chewing on another yellow flower. There was the answer. The guy was so hungry he resorted to eating flowers all the time.

Well, the aesthetic was on point, though. He always looked softer like that.

He threw away the head of the flower and stood from his seat on the boulder as she walked up to him. “Took you long enough,” he said. His eyes followed her as she set the flowers down next to his crossbow.

“Sorry, late lunch today.” Diana shrugged apologetically. Her brow furrowed in thought and she turned to Daryl. “Actually, you wanna eat with us someday? We can’t make you a good traditional meal like a _feijoada_ or something, but uh… you could get to really know my family better?”

Daryl appraised her, his eyes narrowed and always so blue. “I don’t think they’d like that. And what the hell’s a…”

“ _Feijoada_?” Diana supplied, a smile of nostalgia blossoming on her lips.

Daryl nodded. “That.”

Her mouth started watering and her eyes almost rolled back. “Oh man, it’s a bean and meat stew that you eat with rice. It’s… it’s so good. Fuck, I miss food from before.” She rubbed her belly and added, “Today, I’m on a peanut butter craze.”

“I should get y’all a nice piece of venison,” Daryl said with half a smile and watched Diana expectantly.

She crossed her arms indignantly, jostling the bow from her shoulder, and sighed in mocked exasperation. “I already said I’m sorry about that, alright? It won’t happen again.”

“I’m just sayin’, ya coulda eaten well for days.” He left it at that with a teasing tone and beckoned her to the middle of the clearing to start practice.

Diana followed with a soft smile.

oOo

Since he’d noticed apparent improvement in her form and aim, Daryl decided to fast forward her training.

Diana was just a natural genius. It wasn’t as if she’d been practicing almost every day after self-defense and in the evening just so she could have the advantage. Nah. She was just naturally good. Good old talent.

Daryl had decided to try moving targets. They didn’t have any real gear available, so he threw rocks in the air and Diana had to try and hit them. So far, out of the dozen he’d thrown, she’d hit an average of zero. Good old talent.

Her incapability to do anything right brought about some old friends named intrusive thoughts. They repeated themselves like a mantra over and over in her mind. They became harsher and harsher with every failed attempt and she felt her self-esteem decay and her self-hate double and triple.

The best way to distract herself was to talk.

“Hey, so, I know what your spite with Shane was about,” she started. Alice really was a great source of gossip. She hadn’t approached that issue since it first caused strife between them. But now, she figured enough time had passed to mention again. They were on better terms now even if he and Shane remained relatively rocky.

Daryl scoffed as he bent over to get another stone. “You about the only one didn’t know.”

Diana rolled her eyes and made a mocking face. “Sorry for not caring about what goes on in other people’s lives. It’s called minding my own business, you know? Finally learned how that works.” Oh, the lies.

Daryl gave a soft chuckle. “Ya feelin’ feisty today, huh?”

“I’m good humored,” she said in mocked seriousness. With one brow elegantly arched, she gave him the palm of her hand with a flourish. “Don’t mock me, good sir, I beg of you.”

Daryl walked behind her and said, “So long it don’t mess with your form.”

Diana felt his close presence at her back. Then the warmth of his breath on her neck as he looked over her shoulder. Her breath hitched and her body tensed instantly. He must’ve noticed the change. His hands came to rest on her shoulders and he lowered them gently with a whispered ‘that’s it’ near her ear. It caught her off guard.

Her chest became tight and warm. She nodded a choppy thanks as sweat broke out her every pore.

“I’m-” she cleared her throat. “I’m the Queen of multitasking,” she said and shot at a random tree just to release the frustration. Daryl rarely initiated physical contact. It felt different than when she did.

From off to the side, Daryl said, “Then catch this.”

“What?” Diana turned too slow and took a canteen flask to the boob. “Ouch! Boi, _mas que merda_?” she called out. She resisted the urge to rub her injured boob like she normally would and bent down to pick up the offending object.

Daryl joined her and nodded at the flask. “Drink up.”

“Thanks,” Diana said and shouldered her bow to unscrew it. She was about to drink but took a whiff and narrowed her eyes in suspicion. Water wasn’t supposed to have a smell. “What’s in this?”

“Just water. What, want me to clean it up for ya?” Daryl lifted the hem of his shirt to clean the mouth of the flask. Diana politely averted her eyes from his exposed skin and snatched the drink from him. If only to drown out the heat in her belly.

“Gimme that. There’s no need, you don’t disgust me.” She took a swig and immediately blanched. Her face screwed up and she stuck her tongue out. “Bleh, tastes so weird.” It tasted slightly strong, like spiked water.

“Yeah, used to have bourbon in there,” Daryl said casually as he took the bottle back.

Diana furrowed her brow and her lip curled. “And you didn’t rinse it out? Daryl, what the fuck?”

The corner of his lips lifted and he made a noise of amusement as he took a sip.

Diana slowly shook her head accusingly at him. “Hey, but back on track. From what I’ve heard, he thought you and Merle should hunt for the camp. That was it, right? But you’ve been doing that since we arrived here, so I didn’t get what the problem was.”

“Motherfucker thought he could order me around like I’m his dog,” Daryl hissed between clenched teeth and screwed the flask closed. He glared into the distance and she was glad she wasn’t on the receiving end.

Diana raised her brows in understanding and nodded slowly. “Oh. So it was more how he said it than what he said, that it? ‘Cause, I mean, you guys hunting, I thought that was nice of you. And it’s for everyone’s benefit, right? Like, the way I’m the nurse, you’re the hunter, it’s our contribution?”

Daryl remained silent, his appraising eyes on her. Diana stared back. She always cowered when people held her gaze for a long time, it was time to change that.

“Is it… is it the gratitude that’s, you know, lacking or something? ‘Cause my mom told me to say thank you for the rabbits from yesterday. My dad made a wicked roast.”

“I don’t give two shits about gratitude.” He looked away, deep in thought.

So that’s what it was like when Diana became distracted with her thoughts in the middle of a conversation? It was really fucking rude, she had to stop doing that.

Whatever was going on in his mind, he seemed conflicted. “Do you… wanna talk about it?” It didn’t hurt to offer.

“No,” he said swiftly, blinking out of his trance. He gestured toward her with a tilt of his head. “Rather focus on what you’re doin’, you’re making too many mistakes.”

“Fine,” Diana said dejectedly. She hadn’t meant to pry. His tone of voice put a dent into her hard-earned confidence, deflating her just a little.

oOo

Diana practiced in silence for a while. Daryl would throw rocks in the air and she would shoot at them. With his corrections and tips, she was making slow but sure progress, now for every five, she hit at least one.

Her arms got tired from holding the bow above shoulder height for so long and she asked for a break.

They sat together in quiet.

Diana felt Daryl’s eyes on her. She faced him with a questioning tilt of her head and a raised brow. Her eyes followed his hand as it hesitantly neared her face and touched right above her ear. He adjusted the flower there with a delicate touch that made her skin tingle.

Their eyes met briefly. He pulled his hand away and cleared his throat. Silently, he offered her the flask and she took it with a quiet and polite ‘thanks’. Her heart was beating a little fast.

Diana took a small sip and the taste of tainted water caused her to spit it back out, erasing the softness from the atmosphere. She wiped her wet chin on her forearm and glanced at Daryl. “God, how can you even drink from that?”

“Ain’t that bad.” He took the offered flask and took a long swig. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and told her matter-of-factly, “Your arms get tired too quick. Ya gotta build up your upper body strength.”

Diana threw her head back and groaned in exaggerated exasperation. “Man, for real? That’s like the weakest half of my body.”

“I noticed,” Daryl commented lightheartedly.

She scoffed with a lopsided smile, her tongue poking out to lick her lips in incredulity. “You getting fresh with me, Daryl?”

She still couldn’t believe that they were getting along so well. She knew she was an agreeable person who could virtually adapt to anyone, but it was nice to know it wasn’t just her making the effort. Some insecure part of her told her she was still only just annoying him and added itself to her intrusive thoughts.

Daryl gave a small chuckle with a quick tilt of his head and took a sip.

Diana smiled and played with her hands on her lap. “You gonna go hunt afterward?” she asked.

Daryl chucked the flask at the foot of the boulder and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Yeah, what about it?”

Diana smiled cheekily. “About that venison…”

He looked back at her with a quirked eyebrow. “Now you don’t mind it?”

Diana straightened her back haughtily and put her nose in the air, but her mockery was ruined by her carefree grin. “I’m a very hungry woman with chronic _Eisenmangel_ , uh, thing, that thing, with the low iron in the blood. I need my meat.” What she wouldn’t give for _Carne de Porco à Alentejana_ or _Rojões_ or _Cozido à Portuguesa_. Her mouth was watering just thinking about it. Then she asked, “What’s your favorite food, Daryl?”

“Hmm? I’ll eat anything.” He slowly leaned back and shrugged.

“No yeah, but like your favorite dish.” Diana shrugged loosely. “Like… like something that your mom used to cook or something,” she suggested pensively.

His gaze became sharp and he averted his eyes from hers. “She ain’t never cooked much.” His tone of voice left no room for further discussion of his past.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Tough topic, no touching. She should’ve known better. She had a bit of a picture of what kind of parents his had been. But not even cooking for your child? That was just neglectful.

She was considering rubbing his back in a comforting manner, but decided against it. He might take it as pity and she didn’t want that.

“Why you wanna know?” He narrowed his eyes at her, back into suspicious mode.

“I’m just curious,” she said casually and lifted one shoulder. She crossed her legs at the knee and leaned forward to rest her elbows there. She propped her chin on her hand and tilted her head towards Daryl. Absentmindedly, she reached up to comb away some hair that had stuck to his forehead from the sweat.

She knew Glenn’s favorite dish. So why not Daryl’s? She knew a lot of Glenn’s favorite things and he knew hers. It was somewhat of a bonding moment for them. Even if it felt useless to Daryl, the act of sharing something personal meant a lot to her. It meant his trust.

Plus, Diana was desperate to ask him about his favorite color because of none other than the fact that she hoped it was green. He looked like a green kind of man.

It was ridiculous how childish she could get.

Daryl leaned just a little bit away from the touch and lifted one shoulder. “A thick steak with roasted potatoes is alright.”

Diana nodded appreciatively with a raised eyebrow. “Mmhm, pretty solid. I think I’mma have to go with Brazilian _Feijoada_. Nothing else compares, really.”

“You’re pretty sold on that one,” he commented. “Must be good.”

“Yeah…” Diana bit her lower lip and looked into the distance, her thoughts turning to food again. Then shook her head of it and asked, “What about your favorite color?” She couldn’t resist the pull.

“You playin’ twenty-one questions or what?” he asked and raised an eyebrow.

Diana’s brow pulled down in a quick confused frown. “I’ve only ever seen that in movies. That’s not a thing we do.” Then she straightened herself and smiled distractedly. “I’ll go first. Mine’s blue like…” she trailed off and looked around. Not like the flowers she’d picked. Not really like the sky. She looked back at Daryl and inched closer to his face. Yes, like that. “Exactly like your eyes.”

He stared at her, his baby blue eyes jumping on her features. She saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. He glanced down and she noticed she’d been picking at the threads from the hem of his shirt and released it. She leaned back. “What about yours?” she asked and tilted her head. “I think green when I look at you, like the forest.”

“Yeah, it’s… it’s green.” He swallowed again and Diana’s eyes followed the movement.

She smiled widely and slapped his leg. “Really? Man, I am good. I think I might be a little psychic, you know?” She winked at him with a click of her tongue. If that could be called a wink. She didn’t really know how to do it right.

“Yeah,” was Daryl’s simple response.

Diana bit the inside of her cheek pensively. “Okay, what about-”

Daryl interrupted her by standing up abruptly. “Your arms still tired?” he asked and stretched his own from side to side.

Diana frowned in confusion and then shrugged limply. Her boob hurt more, to be honest. He had not thrown gently. “What? Oh, not anymore. Should I-”

“Keep practicin’,” Daryl interrupted once more. Her eyes followed as he bent down in front of her and handed her the bow.

She took it with pursed lips and a curt nod. The weight of her mistake made her conscience heavy. “I’m sorry,” she said to his retreating back.

He looked over his shoulder, eyes narrowed. “For what?”

Diana looked off to the side and lifted one shoulder. “I was… I was prying, wasn’t I? I’m sorry.”

“It ain’t that.” Daryl walked back to her and inhaled deeply. He rubbed his temple and then shrugged almost dejectedly. “Look, ya already know I ain’t staying long. Ya ain’t gotta waste your time and energy on me. Should spend it on practice, where it’s useful.”

Diana understood where he was coming from. But she’d also made a very pretentious promise to herself regarding his person that she wanted to see kept. So…

She reached out for his hand and grabbed it gingerly by the fingers. His hand involuntarily molded to her touch, his fingers curling slightly around hers. She looked up at him from under her lashes and said, “But I don’t mind spending my time on you.”

It didn’t cost her anything more than just a longer rest to charge up her social battery. It was nothing. She could practice _and_ befriend him, one didn’t mean the sacrifice of the other. She was done with undervaluing her friends.

She grabbed his hand with both of hers and massaged his palm lightly with her thumbs. Their eyes never left each other. Until Daryl pulled his hand away and cleared his throat. “You should still practice.”

oOo

By the end, exhausted and noodle-armed, Diana took the flowers she’d picked and offered them to Daryl. He eyed them with a raised eyebrow and a glance at her. “What you want me to do with that?”

Diana sighed and motioned for him to take them, but no luck. “You know, as a payment, kinda. Or thank you. If you don’t want all of them, here…”

She took one of the yellow ones she’d seen him chew and coaxed it between his lips. They parted easily and touched the tips of her fingers.  “One for the mouth,” she whispered, “the other…” She opened the breast pocket on his shirt and hid a blue one in there, identical to hers. “…for the heart.” She finished by flattening her hand against it and gave him a lopsided smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Please leave a comment. Tell me what you think, I'd greatly appreciate it!**
> 
> In the first part, I wanted to showcase a typical family moment and how they function together because their dynamics are so important in this fic. 
> 
> I wanted to clarify why Daryl’s so contemplative about the hunting issue here. He felt conflicted cuz he’d been treating it like an obligation, bc he didn’t owe them anything and whatever, but Diana put it in a different perspective. Does that make sense to u as it did to me? Idk, tell what u think.
> 
> These Dariana moments, huh… How they feeling to you?
> 
> Also, got any theories until now? I wanna hear about all conspiracies a-brewing.


	20. we had a bonding moment...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i cradled you in my arms!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ y'all vld fans out there... wassup

oOo

Glenn drew a +4 card from the deck and hid a grin. “Your turn,” he told Alice. Something in his voice must’ve given him away. Alice narrowed her eyes at him.

Alice threw a reverse card to the pile and the corner of her lips lifted in mischief. Glenn played the +4 at Felix with a sympathetic ‘sorry, bro’.

“Noooo! Bro, you ruined my play!” Felix whined.

“Grow up, _bobo_ ,” Alice said with a grin, pulling a card from her hand.

Glenn wiped the sweat off his brow and cleared his throat. “Hey, guys. Uhm, if you don’t mind my asking, what’s the deal with your aunt?”

Alice’s hazel eyes met his. “What you mean? There’s no deal there. Mom said there’s nothing we can do.”

“Yeah, Diana told me that. She was kinda upset about it, I think. I can’t really tell.”

“The girl’s a freaking open book.” Felix played his hand and scratched his chin. “You’ll get used to it.”

“I’m sure. But I mean, before this all went down.” Glenn glanced at the siblings. “You guys were supposed to be at her place, but you were out camping?” He shrugged. “I don’t get it. I’ve caught some pieces from conversations with your sister, but I don’t get the full picture.”

Alice scoffed full of disdain, her eyes on her cards. “Our grandma was there. _Abuela_ ’s a stone-hearted, cold-blooded snake,” she said as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

Felix murmured in agreement as he nodded.

“I’m still lost, guys.”

“We come from a big family,” Alice explained, “there’s always some shit happening with someone. Our grandma, our aunt – not this one, our _other_ aunt from mom’s side –, her two sons and daughters-in-law, and two of our cousins from dad’s side. All of them had it out for our mom.”

Glenn blinked in surprise and disbelief. Irene was such a sweet woman. He wondered why so many people – family members no less – disliked her so much. “Did she… do anything to them in particular?”

“She lived her own life and kept to herself. Her only crime was having her life put together and having a family that loves each other.”

“Jealousy and pettiness,” Felix added, “And just a bunch of assholes with no lives of their own.”

Glenn spluttered, “But even her own mom?”

“After grandpa died it got worse, ‘cause she’d always been his favorite,” Felix supplied.

“The others more ‘cause some of them worked with mom and she was their _Teamleiterin_ , their uh-” Alice snapped her fingers at Felix for help.

“Boss, so to speak.”

Alice pointed at her brother. “Yeah, thanks. And some people can’t separate business from personal life.”

Glenn put the pieces of the puzzle together. “So your aunt set you up by inviting your grandma along?”

“Yeah, she was hoping for some kiss and make up, but _Abuela_ was being a super mega bitch so we took our shit and we left.”

“Like mom says, God writes straight with crooked lines.”

“I guess he does,” Glenn murmured and drew a card from the deck. “How long has Diana been gone, anyway? What is she even doing?”

Alice’s mouth fell open in shocked offense. “What, you don’t like hanging out with us? Did your coolness outgrow ours?”

Glenn tried to reason with her. “It’s not that. How does that even work?”

She showed Glenn her palm and turned her face away. “No, it’s okay. I’m not hurt. We get it.”

“But I do like you. I love spending time with you.” Glenn looked to Felix for help, but the boy just rolled his eyes and shook his head in exasperation at his sister’s antics.

Alice put a hand to her chest. “You’re saying that, but in my mind, I know how you truly feel,” she said dramatically.

“Alice…”

She shook her head with averted eyes. “No, it’s okay, you hate us. Go, go be with your best friend or whatever.”

“Alice…” Glenn had no idea what to say. He couldn’t tell if she was being serious or not. So he decided to play along. “Fine. I admit it.”

“Oh, you do?” Alice quirked an eyebrow. Glenn knew he’d made the right move.

“Oh my God!” Felix exclaimed with a groan. “Why are all of you so extra?”

Alice shushed her brother, “Yeah, then what are you, Mister Drama Queen?” Then she turned back to Glenn. “Come out and say it, you coward.”

“I’ve been lying to you all this time,” Glenn lowered his voice, trying to sound as villainous as possible. “My ultimate goal was to destroy you from the inside out. You just had to find out about my true plans, ruining everything.”

Alice shook her fist at him, her nostrils flaring in anger. “Curses! Damn the day I thought I had found a friend in you, you wretched man!” She pointed at Glenn with a flourish.

“Would y’all stop?” Felix complained. “I just wanna finish this round and take a nap. You’re making my life a living hell.”

“This shall end when one of us dies at the hands of the other,” Glenn said, folding his cards away and putting his fists up.

Felix rubbed his hands down his face, his cards forgotten on his lap. “I thought my sisters were a bad duo. Boi was I wrong.”

Glenn broke character by laughing at the exhausted look on Felix’s face. He turned to Alice. “To be continued?”

“Definitely,” she said. She stretched her hand out to him. With twin grins, they did their handshake.

Glenn’s chest swelled with adoration. He loved those kids as if they were his own blood.

“Diana and I break into acting, too. Guess that’s a thing you girls do together?”

Alice crossed her arms tightly. “So now you’re comparing the two of us. This went from bad to worse,” she joked. “Bitch got nothing on my acting skills, always starts giggling like a little binch.” Then she broke into a toothy smile. “But yeah, we do that all the time. Sometimes she shakes my hand outta nowhere and we pretend we’re at a job interview. Then we say the most ridiculous shit ever. It’s really funny,” she said and broke down laughing.

Glenn chuckled with her and ruffled her poofy curls. For all her pretending not to care, it was plain to see how much she actually did. If only one looked hard or listened carefully enough.

“Can we please just finish this fucking round?” Felix sighed, chin in his hand.

“You’re just jealous Glenn likes me more,” Alice said with a cheeky smile. Felix mocked her in a high pitched voice. Alice made a face at him and picked her cards back up. “Also, here. Go sleep, child.” And she played her last two remaining cards, making her the winner. “I win. Three times in a row, bitches. Life’s great, I’m the Queen.”

oOo

“Guess who?” The hands covering his eyes were cold and smelled of soap. Glenn smiled.

“I’ll give you a hint,” Alice said across from him, “It’s tall and dumb.” And yet you love her, Glenn thought.

“Ha ha,” Diana mocked. Glenn felt her kneel behind him as she removed her hands. Her face appeared in his peripheral vision. She rested her chin on his shoulder while her arms snaked around his middle. “What’re you doing?”

Glenn lifted his cards to her line of sight. “Teaching your sister to play poker.”

Alice pretended to flip her hair over her shoulder and puckered her lips. “I’m amazing, btw.”

“Noooo, Glenn,” Diana whined and her arms tightened around him. “It’ll just be another game that she’s better at than me!”

Alice clicked her tongue. “What’re you expecting? You actually being better than me at anything? Keep dreaming.”

“You witch!” Diana gasped dramatically.

Glenn chuckled softly and patted Diana’s cheek in comfort. “Don’t fret. Your knight will protect you.”

Alice’s nose scrunched in disgust and she covered her view of them with her hand. “Ew, go be lovey-dovey somewhere else.”

Diana nestled her head on the crook of his neck. “We’ll be lovey-dovey everywhere we feel like it. Our love cannot be stopped by the likes of you.”

Glenn rested his cheek against Diana’s temple and laughed. “Okay, I can see where the spontaneous drama comes from.”

“Let’s go, honey.” Diana stood and tugged him up. “The kid’s cranky, she obviously needs a nap.”

Alice pointed at her. “I know you tryna make fun of me, but I actually do wanna take a nap, so joke’s on you.”

“I feel so caught in the middle,” Glenn said. He stood, his left leg tingling from sitting for so long.

He saw Diana gesture something from the corner of his eye. As soon as he turned, there was a blur of something thrown past him. He looked at Diana, who smiled widely at him. Then at Alice, who was acting nonchalant to the point she was pretending to continue to play poker.

What there something going on?

Alice widened her eyes minutely past him, at her sister, so Glenn turned quickly. He caught Diana mouthing something while gesturing with big arm movements towards the tent. She fumbled to drop the act.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Glenn narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

Diana laughed forcibly and waved her hand in dismissal. “It’s nothing. So, are we going?”

She didn’t give him a chance to respond. He turned his head to say goodbye to Alice, but Diana pulled him swiftly away. He saw the glint of something golden and they were gone.

oOo

“Oh my God, this is so much better than my sleeping bag.” Diana sighed as soon as her head hit the throw pillow.

Glenn lifted her feet, sat down, and let her legs fall over his lap. He’d directed their path towards the RV, knowing that they could hang out there in peace and simultaneously escape the miserable heat.

“I miss my mattress,” Diana admitted, burying her head onto the pillow. She grabbed Glenn’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

Glenn breathed out a laugh. “Believe me, I miss mine too.”

“Thanks for the book, by the way. I’m starting a nice collection.” Diana swung their hands in the space between them.

Glenn hummed in acknowledgment. “It’s alright. I think of you whenever I see one, and they seem like they could be useful.” He shrugged loosely. He’d found another medical book on his latest run, a kind of compendium on pharmaceuticals. He thought that’d be right up Diana’s alley.

“Thanks.” Diana started massaging his hand. One spot she rubbed made a shiver run down his spine.

“Hey, so, where were you all afternoon?” he finally asked. She’d been acting weird before. Plus, he’d noticed that she went missing every afternoon without fail. “I’m not- I’m not trying to control you or anything.”

“Oh, you know, doing this and that. Made some house calls… uh showered, too.” Her forefinger was drawing patterns on the palm of his hand now.

She was lying. Aside from the very obvious. Diana didn’t enjoy casual conversation with her ‘patients’ outside a work environment. That’s why she had the table outside. The shower might’ve been true, though; her hands did smell like soap earlier.

But she always looked to her upper right before lying, it was her tell.

He didn’t press. She knew she could tell him whatever she wanted. If she was keeping something from him, he had to respect that, too. Everyone had their secrets.

They stayed in comfortable silence. Diana played with Glenn’s hands and massaged them and ran her fingertips over his skin. And Glenn, well he tried not to fall asleep with the soothing touch.

His head snapped up when Diana interrupted the silence.

“You’re a great friend, Glenn. I’ve told you that, right?” A light smile touched her lips.

Glenn shrugged and smiled smugly. “Only about a couple hundred times. Why?”

“I had a best friend in Switzerland. She was great, too. Is-was, I don’t know.” Diana lowered their hands on top of her belly.

Glenn tilted his head at her to continue and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. This was new, Diana had never mentioned her old friends. He’d figured it was too much of a trigger topic for him to mention. But if she was ready to talk, by all means, he was ready to listen.

“Her name’s Mariana. And I didn’t deserve her either.” Glenn wanted to protest her assumption that she didn’t deserve him, but then she continued. “She was patient and kind and would bend over backward to bring me out of my shell. She’d do anything for me. I don’t even know why,” her voice became watery towards the end.

Glenn squeezed her hand and his other found her knee in comfort. “Same reason I would. You’re an incredible person, Diana. You bring joy to everything you touch.”

Diana laughed sardonically and her hand swiped the corner of her eye as she sniffed. “I’m really not, Glenn. I made up excuses when she texted me and ignored her calls.” She smiled bitterly. “I loved hanging out with her, but as soon as I came home, it was like I couldn’t care less. I didn’t miss her.”

Glenn didn’t know what to say. “Diana…”

She sat up slowly and wiped at her cheeks. “I never lied when I told that I loved her, but whatever I felt wasn’t enough. It was all so… shallow.”

Glenn pulled her to him.

“I feel so guilty because she’d do anything for me but I still thought twice before visiting her at the hospital.” A sob broke out at the end of the sentence. “I don’t even know if she’s dead or not and I can’t bring myself to care. I don’t feel a damn thing.”

She threw her arms around Glenn’s neck. “What’s- my damage, Glenn?” she hiccupped out. “Why am I- such a shitty person?”

“Hey, now…” Glenn coaxed her away from him to look her in the eye. Her brown skin was taking on a flushed tint and her features were twisted with desolation. It broke his heart. “You’re not a shitty person, Diana. You can just go ahead and throw that out the window.

Whatever happened with your friend, there must have been a reason. ‘Cause what I’ve seen of you till now… You’re not that person anymore.”

“But I feel that way _now_. I’m not missing her _now_.” Her hand grabbed onto his shirt. “I am still that person, Glenn.”

Glenn tried a different approach. “This Mariana. She can’t have been perfect. No one is.”

Diana sniffled and hesitantly shook her head.

“She was a great friend. But even great friends do things that hurt you. Even without meaning to.”

Diana nodded in agreement, her lips quivering.

He hoped he was going in the right direction with this. He was talking purely out of personal experience. He decided to use an analogy his oldest sister had told him once.

“Imagine your love for this person’s like a… a bonfire. It’s bright and warms you up. Every time they hurt you, it’s like they… they take away a piece of timber. And it dies down a little. Over time it gets smaller and smaller. You might not notice right away because it’s still warm, but it’s just not like before.”

Diana leaned back. “So…”

Glenn nodded to finish his point. “So she hurt you enough over time that you noticed it here…” He pointed at her chest above her heart. “…but not here.” He poked her forehead. “You’re not a bad person. You’ve just been hurt by a person you trusted and it’s taken its toll on you.”

Diana’s features smoothed out. She rubbed her face and eyes with her hands. At the end she sighed deeply and scooched forward, almost sitting on Glenn’s lap.

She laid her head on his shoulder and Glenn pushed a stray curl away. “I can’t fix your past, Diana. But I’m here now and believe me when I tell you that you are the best person I’ve ever known.” She backed away to look at him with big brown eyes. A cheeky smile grew on his lips. “At least till now. Who knows what’ll happen when future Mrs. Rhee comes strolling around the corner.”

Diana smiled, then chuckled and then finally whispered, “I love you, Glenn.”

She touched her forehead to his. Glenn felt the bonfire in his chest grow warmer and his smile widened. “Wow, whipping out the L-word so soon in the relationship. Pretty bold move.” He closed his eyes and whispered, “I know.”

Diana chuckled. “You fucking geek.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Please leave a comment. I'd greatly appreciate some feedback!**
> 
> Some nice bonding between Glenn and the sibs.
> 
> Shit man, the end almost made me cry.


	21. the things one feels these days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much filler stuff, wow

oOo

Today marked the end of the two-week deal Diana and Daryl had made. So, as a thank you and also departure gift, she had decided to do something different.

The kids had gone swimming, which made her extremely jealous, especially in today’s weather. But after promising herself that she would make a friend out of Daryl, even in such a short limited time, she wanted to feel like she’d actually accomplished her goal by spending his last day at camp with him. She assumed it was his last day.

He hadn’t ever really talked about it, but he’d made it pretty clear that two weeks was _it_. Diana could only wonder if they were scheming something. If they would leave them with an unpleasant surprise.

She’d been worried in the past that there was some sort of unlocked potential there. In both Merle and Daryl. That they’d be gone before it could be discovered. It felt good to know that she’d somehow gotten through to Daryl. There was something there, he was more open now and even made some jokes. It was only a matter of letting others see the same him that she did.

From her short encounters with Merle, he remained the same fucking jackass. He never even made an effort to hide it.

“ _Mami_ , did you find the blanket?” Diana called from within her tent. She was searching her messenger bag for something she knew she’d seen in one of its pockets. It was of utmost importance that she found it again.

“Here you go,” Irene said from the entrance and threw the blue checkered blanket at Diana’s kneeling form. “What’re you searching for?”

Diana drummed her fingers on her thigh in pensiveness. They weren’t there. She looked up at her mom. “You know if Felix and Alice ate the chocolates I had here?” She wouldn’t get mad if they did. Okay, who was she kidding, she’d be pissed. She’d been saving them for forever.

Irene shrugged and the corners of her lips tugged downward. “No, I don’t think so. But I think you’d find out if they did.”

Diana tilted her head in agreement. Yeah, they would’ve never shut up about it and would’ve tried to make her feel guilty for hiding the chocolates from them for so long.

She tried another inner pocket, just in case she’d missed them. “Yes!” she shouted in triumph.

“Found them?” Irene asked, coming back to peek inside the tent.

“Yep,” Diana responded with a wide smile. They were a bit soft and mushy inside the aluminum wrap, but man, chocolate was chocolate. There were four pralines, all milk chocolate and caramel, who’d been gifted to her by a patient shortly before summer vacation. She’d stuck them in her bag and never remembered them again.

She put two back inside her messenger bag. She’d give those to Alice and Felix, they’d be super stoked. “Do you want one, _mami_?” she offered, holding them up to her. She already knew she wouldn’t have to ask her dad.

Irene smiled warmly and combed back some stray hairs from Diana’s ponytail. “It’s alright, _mija_ , you keep them.”

Diana stood up with a smile and kissed her mom on the cheek. “I love you,” she said casually and then wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug. She was feeling extra affectionate that day.

Irene’s muffled laughter came with her urgently tapping Diana on the arm. Diana released her and Irene immediately took a deep breath. “Ay, _filha_ , you were suffocating me. D’you wanna actually kill me?”

“With love? Yes,” Diana affirmed and gave her a quick peck on the forehead. “Did you put the things a sack?”

Irene nodded and rubbed her lower back with a grimace. “I’ll bring it to you,” she said and exited the tent. Diana would have to offer her mom a massage one of these days. She’d been complaining of back pain since the prior day.

Diana picked up the blanket and folded it over her arm while humming some song from a musical.

When Irene came back, she handed her a cloth bag with big red circles in the center. Oh, Target, she recognized that one off the internet. She almost face-palmed; she could’ve been using that bag for target practice all this time.

She sighed, shrugged in acceptance and rummaged through the contents. A bottle of instant lemonade she’d mixed herself, her portion of today’s lunch that she hadn’t eaten yet plus a little extra wrapped in aluminum foil, half a can of peaches, and now two chocolate-caramel pralines.

She smiled at her mom. “Perfect. _Muito obrigada, mami_ , you’re the best.”

Irene smiled with tight lips and tilted her head from side to side, as if to say ‘I know, I know’. Then she caressed Diana’s cheek and asked, “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

Diana sighed. “ _Mami_ , we’ve talked about this.” She adjusted the bag on her shoulder and said. “He’s leaving and I wanna thank him for what he’s done for me. You taught me to always show gratitude where it’s due. And not only has he been keeping everyone, including us fed, he also taught me a really important survival skill that I’m definitely gonna need.”

Irene sighed and cradled Diana’s cheeks in her hands. She looked at her with warm eyes. “Why aren’t you a little more of an asshole?”

Diana burst out laughing, which made Irene laugh with her. The chortles made her sides hurt and she had to wipe at her wet eyes. She chuckled softly a few more times before it died down with a deep sigh of amusement. “What a weird thing to ask your daughter, for real? That’s your legacy, _mami_. Those wise words shall be passed down from generation to generation.”

“It has been decreed,” Irene added with a wide smile. She stepped away from the entrance of the tent and motioned outside. “Go on. Go, _mija_ , God knows I can’t stop you when your intentions are good.”

“Praise the Lord,” Diana said and stepped outside. She did a mental check for everything and nodded to herself. She jolted in realization and told her mom, “Oh, don’t freak out if I come home a little later than planned, okay?”

“Why? How long are you planning to be gone?” Irene asked, suspicious and not really liking what she was hearing, by the look of it.

Diana raised her hands in surrender. “Calm down, I just don’t wanna have to be looking at the figurative watch all the time and look overeager to leave. I owe Daryl that much.”

Irene rubbed her temples. “Ah, how you test my patience… If you’re not back before dinner, Christ as my witness, I will hunt you both down and skin him alive.”

“You know, you could trust me a little bit,” Diana suggested with a shrug of fake nonchalance. “And him, too, to be honest.”

Irene shooed her away. “Go, go, go now. The sooner you leave the sooner you’ll come back.”

“Not how it works,” Diana pointed out, but let herself be pushed away toward the woods. “Love you,” she called out and blew her mom a kiss.

“ _También te amo, mija_ ,” Irene relented, despite it all. She pretended to catch the kiss and brought it to her chest, right above her heart.

oOo

Diana couldn’t help but grin the entire way. She swung the bag back and forth in big motions and let the blanket cascade down her back like a cape.

She hummed happy musical songs and stopped once to admire a bumblebee as it floated from flower to flower. She encouraged it with kind words, pretending like it could understand her, and blew it a little kiss.

She had no idea where the good mood was coming from, seeing as she hadn’t been sleeping well at all. Maybe it was the exhaustion. Hopefully, Daryl wouldn’t be there to see the next phase in her sleepiness. She could get cranky and whiny. Big time.

With the cape weighing down behind her, she ran uphill pretending to be charging into a battlefield. She imagined Wonder Woman by her side, her ultimate fictional role model. Her breathing was on the verge of wheezy when she got to the top, but it was worth it.

At the clearing, she had to tame down the urge to skip instead of walk. She was very childish, but there were limits. Although… she really loved the floaty feeling of skipping and hadn’t done it in so long.

Diana smiled widely at Daryl on his perch and skipped once, twice, before jogging the rest of the way to him. Then she burst into laughter as she plopped down next to him. His face was too good. His eyebrows had climbed up halfway to his hairline.

She laughed her breathless seal laughter while clapping Daryl on the arm repeatedly. He recoiled from her, seemingly confused and at loss for actions.

“The hell’s gotten into you? You been possessed?” he asked while eyeing her from the side.

Diana laughed her last sighs and dropped her head onto Daryl’s shoulder. “Oh, I’m so fucking exhausted.”

She felt his body jostle as he snorted in amused disbelief. “So you laugh yourself to even more exhaustion?”

“That’s the logical conclusion, don’tcha think?” she asked lazily while craning her neck to look up at him. “That way I’ll fall asleep quicker. That’s why I’m here. See this?” She pulled a corner from the blanket around her shoulders and showed it to him. “It’s for napping. Like this.” With a corner in each hand, she threw her arms around him and locked her hands. Blanket bear hug.

She scooched closer and nestled her cheek on his bare shoulder. Her eyes closed immediately. “See, it’s super comfy.”

“It’s too hot,” Daryl whispered, but his chin still found a rest on top of her head. Diana felt his hand reach to her arm under the blanket, and then the warmth of his fingers splayed on her skin.

“Hot damn, call the police and the fireman,” Diana whispered back on instinct. “Sorry, couldn’t help it. It’s ingrained in my brain forever.”

Beads of sweat started forming between her boobs, of all damn places, and the combined body heat was getting to her head. She could’ve either been on the verge of falling asleep or of having a heat stroke. With a gasping inhale, Diana opened her arms dramatically and threw the blanket away. Oh, blessed relief.

“Oh my God, I love air,” she sighed and fanned herself. She turned to Daryl. He was completely flushed and shiny with newly formed sweat. Diana gasped in shock and felt his burning cheeks with the backs of her hands. “Dude, why didn’t you say something sooner. For real like, you look like you’re about to keel over,” she said with concern and fanned his face with her hands.

All the while, he just looked at her without a word, his blue eyes following her every move. Please don’t say it was too late and the heat scrambled up his brain like eggs. But other than the redness he showed no other symptoms of heat stroke, so her drama was most likely unjustified.

Then she remembered the lemonade and turned in her seat to dig it out of the bag. She opened the bottle and offered it to him. “I know it looks like pee but I swear it’s lemonade,” she said and pushed it into his hands.

Daryl reacted to that. He turned his head away and gave a few chuckles, his shoulder shaking under her hand. The laughter was a really unclear sign of whether he was alright or not, but she took it as a good thing. At least he wasn’t throwing up or something.

He chugged about a quarter of the bottle and sighed, his hand flying up to wipe his mouth.

Diana tilted her head and raised a concerned eyebrow. “You uh, you alright?” She poked him on the thigh.

He faced her with a suppressed upward tilt of the corner of his lips. “Best pee I ever had,” his voice was laced with amusement and his eyes kind of seemed brighter, like a drama cliché. Diana’s chest grew warm and a smile slowly widened on her lips.

She didn’t know if it was the exhausted giddiness or the fact that he sounded so carefree and youthful just from making a simple joke, but she burst out laughing again. Another category of laughter made an appearance, the windshield wiper. And she laughed even harder at her own laughter, leaving her breathless.

She was really tired.

Her stomach growling like an actual living being surprised her into somberness. Fuck, she also hadn’t eaten lunch yet.

Tired and hungry was not a good combination.

She pointed to her own stomach and looked up at Daryl with an amazed grin. “D’you hear that? Great acoustic.” She scrunched up her nose and added, “I don’t think I used that word right.”

“Ya ain’t eaten yet?” Daryl asked and furrowed his brow.

“Cool tongue twister,” Diana pointed out. “Try saying it fast ten times. But uh, no I haven’t, that’s why I’m here.” She grabbed the bag off the ground and lifted it up for him to see. “Inside this wonderful Target tote are some of this world’s wonders, which we will be eating today.”

At Daryl’s raised eyebrow and questioning tilt of the head, Diana stood, picked the checkered blanket up and stretched it out on the ground. She opened her arms towards it. “I thought we could have a picnic today.”

“Why?” he asked, his eyes narrowing. Diana grabbed him by the hand and pulled him with her on top of the blanket. She forced him to sit down by the shoulders and then sat across from him.

She lifted one shoulder nonchalantly. “‘Cause it’s two weeks today. I thought… I wouldn’t wanna burden you longer than necessary and whatever, and I wanted to thank you and say goodbye properly now. So I don’t regret anything when you’re gone. Yeah.” She pursed her lips in sudden timidity.

Daryl appraised her quietly. He had pulled his leg towards his chest and now his arm rested on his knee. Diana’s eyes were involuntarily pulled to the movement of him pensively rubbing the knuckle of his thumb over his lips. She’d seen him do that sometimes before. It seemed as much of a habit to him as her biting the insides of her cheeks.

Quickly, she added, “We had a deal, too.” Okay, now that it was out, she thought she ought to not have mentioned it. It could’ve very well been that he’d forgotten it already and she’d be off the hook. That had been stupid of her.

Daryl blinked and averted his eyes. Then he pulled the food bag towards them and started taking out the contents. “We’ll eat first.”

Diana’s stomach growled timely and she felt her cheeks grow warm. “Yeah, best idea of the day.”

Something Diana noticed during their lunch was Daryl trying to subtly give her more food that he took for himself. When he did, she tried to argue with the logical reasoning that he needed a higher calorie intake than she. It was useless because he just didn’t touch it and waited for her to eat it.

It took her forcibly shoving a half-eaten rabbit’s leg between his teeth while he was talking for him to finally accept it. He glared at her while ripping the meat off the bone and he continued glaring at her while licking his fingers clean.

Although by then, Diana had the decency to avert her eyes and pretend to take a deep interest in the canned peach half between her fingers.

The chocolate was the trickiest part. It was completely liquefied, so she had to open it up just enough to be able to suck it out of the wrap. Then she opened up the foil and licked the chocolate and caramel on the inside. And then the rest that had dripped onto her fingers.

Daryl was more straightforward, he popped the whole thing in his mouth, foil and all. She observed, completely fascinated, as he swirled it around in his mouth a couple of times and then spit out the wrap in a tiny compact ball of aluminum. It was impressive, to be honest.

By the end of the meal, Diana patted her stomach with a delighted sigh. She never became fully satisfied after a meal anymore, but she couldn’t complain when she knew she wasn’t the only one. Sharing snacks with her siblings had become somewhat of a war. Not because they each wanted anything for themselves, but because they all claimed to be too full and would push it onto one another.

Diana shoved every piece of trash inside the bag with a hum. Then, completely at ease, she laid back on the blanket, arms crossed under her head.

Daryl maintained his original seating pose. His head was propped lazily against his hand as he looked down at her. Then his hand reached out towards her face and her chest clenched, leaving her a little breathless. His fingertips grazed her cheek as he pulled some of her hair free from the corner of her mouth.

Diana opened her lips to help to release them and then thanked him quietly. His eyes lingered there and she licked them subconsciously, feeling how dry they were.

A subtle ticklish warmth began playing in her lower belly. She sat up in a flash and announced abruptly, “So about that deal, dude.”

“About that deal,” Daryl repeated. The atmosphere lightened up. The spell had been broken. Diana felt both relieved and disappointed, though, she didn’t understand why.

“Once upon a time, I said I’d tell you about the bow if you taught me how to use it, right?” she asked, knowing very well that she had no idea where she was going with this.

“I think I remember somethin’ ‘bout some super-secret special technology. That the one?” Daryl asked with a raised eyebrow, faking seriousness.

“That is the very one. The one… which I accidentally forgot to bring with me today… Sorry.” Diana shrugged sheepishly and gave a tentative smile. “The thing is… I’ve got no idea how or what or who.”

Daryl sat straight. “You what?”

Diana raised her hands in defense. “Don’t get mad! Okay, I just… I don’t know anything about the bow. What I’ve- what you’ve seen till now is all I got.”

So she’d gone with the honesty route. She usually preferred little white lies that worked in her favor, but Daryl had never been anything but honest with her and she felt like she owed him the same treatment. At least out of respect.

She was kind of anxious over how he’d react. Right now he was just processing it, staring off into space.

“So you been lyin’? All this time?” he asked finally, still not meeting her eyes.

Diana sighed. She’d ruined everything. That’s why white lies were good. She could’ve told him a bullshit story and he would’ve been none the wiser. Especially since he’d be out of her life soon. Wow, that actually hurt a little to think about.

“I- yeah, well… _não_ , not really lying, ‘cause I… ‘cause I’ve never actually ever said anything about the bow… _Apenas_ \- yeah, I- I’ve kinda kept it- yeah…” she stumbled and staggered. Her face scrunched up in a guilty grimace and she added, “I am so sorry.”

Daryl gave a little huff of laughter. “You always with the damn apologies when you done nothin’ wrong.”

Diana looked at him from the corner of her eye, too scared to face him. “Excuse me?” What did he mean nothing wrong?

“What’d I tell ya in the beginning? Don’t go trustin’ everybody, keep this to yourself. Ya actually done listened.” He didn’t sound berating or even remotely mad. Just a hint of pride in his voice. Along with his half smile, Diana could almost guess that he was proud of the fact that she’d omitted the truth from him. Like it was some sort of test.

“So you… You think I acted right?” she asked just to clear it up. Not that there was a chance that she was actually misunderstanding his body language.

Daryl gave a short nod. Diana snorted in disbelief and shrugged loosely. She pulled her legs to her chest and put her arms around them, her hands came to fidget with her shoelaces.

“I was like making a huge deal out of it. Even lost some sleep over it. Like for real. And now…”

Daryl swept her ponytail back over her shoulder, catching her attention. Then he said, “Ya gotta learn that I ain’t gonna bite your head off.”

“Do you… want me to tell you how I found the bow?” Diana asked with a tilt of her head. “That’s basically the only thing I know.”

“Sure,” he said.

Diana fully disclosed everything, from the bow’s sudden appearance one day and what had caused her to come upon it, to how it called to her and how it felt to her touch. Then she told him of the theories Felix and Alice had constructed right at the beginning, and how they hadn’t questioned it ever since.

Daryl had kept a poker face throughout her tale. By the end, he nodded pensively and told her, “Ya found it the day before you met me and Merle. And ya ain’t seen any biters till then, that close to the city and the highway, that right?”

Diana nodded, anxious to hear his point of view.

“You ever think it coulda been protectin’ y’all?” he said, revealing a valid point. “It called to you when you were leavin’, to keep y’all under protection. Now you got the best damn weapon in the business.”

“But why me? That’s what bothers me… Why not my dad or something?” She was sure she was not fit to be protecting anyone. She felt like her existence in the world was validated by having the bow, like she had a purpose, whatever it may be. But she knew she was very likely the least ideal person to wield it. She wasn’t a hero or any such bullshit.

Daryl shrugged. “Fuck if I know. For all I know I’m just talkin’ outta my ass. I ain’t even understand how that thing can exist.”

Diana bit the chapped skin on her lower lip. “Yeah, me nei-” A huge yawn forced its way out halfway through. She shook herself and blinked hard. “Shit, sorry.”

“It’s alright. You said ya ain’t sleeping right.” he said, his eyes narrowing.

“Yeah, but not just ‘cause of… you know, what I said before. I’ve just… I’ve been having some weird-ass dreams lately.” Diana rubbed her eyes with the tips of her fingers and sighed heavily. She gave Daryl a tired smile.

The dreams had started about the prior week. They were nonsensical and random and always starred the same person, a girl. This girl, well, a young woman about Diana’s age, she’d guess. Diana dreamt through her eyes as if living another life.

She’d seen her face reflected in various surfaces but never a mirror, but what she’d seen added to the fact that she would speak perfect Mandarin to herself told Diana she was of Chinese descent.

Now, how Diana could dream up being able to speak Mandarin she had no idea. She’d been learning a few words and phrases in Korean from Glenn, but it wasn’t the same at all, and dream-her was perfectly fluent.

The strangest part about those dreams was how they stayed after Diana woke up. They didn’t fade away or became indescribable and vague. They became as real as her own memories. She could see and hear and smell and taste and touch everything dream-her did. It was uncanny.

She hadn’t told anyone about them. They hadn’t affected her daily life beyond a little bit of a creepy feeling in the morning, so she let it be. In the borders of “The Passage”, she’d started writing down about what dream-her did or saw. She thought that maybe she’d be able to connect it to something in her daily life that would justify why she dreamt about what she dreamt.

So far, all she’d seen was her alone in the forest. She walked a lot. One night, Diana had dreamt about her just walking, her legs had felt about to collapse under her. She had assumed it was the atmosphere and the similar locations that made her dream that up. All in all, it wasn’t that worrying.

Feeling like she’d spent an eternity dwelling deep in thought, Diana finally blinked herself out of her trance and looked at Daryl.

In that time, he’d taken the liberty to lie down. His arms were crossed under his head and his eyes were closed against the blinding blueness of the sky. She was glad he hadn’t taken it personally or badly her omission of facts or rather lack thereof.

Seeing how relaxed and at peace he looked, another yawn rose up and out of her. She stretched her arms as far as she could above her head and then smacked her lips with a sigh. She wasn’t usually the napping type like the rest of her family, but she could really go for one right now.

She lied down next to him, bunching up the blanket to cushion her head. She crossed her legs at the ankle and rested her hands on top of her belly. The sun wasn’t as overbearingly bright and hot now, but she still had to squint to see anything.

“Daryl,” she called. He made a noise of acknowledgment in the back of his throat. She continued in a whisper, “If I fall asleep, lemme sleep for just a little bit, ‘kay?”

He agreed with another throaty sound.

oOo

Diana blinked herself blearily back towards consciousness. She was bundled up in the blanket, curled on her side, and the sky had taken tints of twilight oranges and purples. She sat up with a jerk, her heart beating out of her chest.

Her mom was going to kill her!

Her head snapped around when she heard a thud and a shrill animal squeal. She saw Daryl standing by her standard target tree, crossbow in hand. He’d shot something in the underbrush.

Diana rubbed her hands down her face wearily and rubbed her eyes.

“Lil sleepin’ beauty’s finally awake,” Daryl commented lightheartedly. He walked into her line of sight with a brown rabbit in hand. So that’s what it’d been. “Your brother and sister came lookin’ for ya on behalf of your parents. I told ‘em I’d send you off soon as you woke up.”

Diana groaned and hid her face in her hands. “Thanks, but I’m still gonna be dead meat.”

Daryl chuckled softly and dropped the rabbit by the boulders. Diana widened her eyes at the pile. There had to be at least little more than a dozen of them, plus a freaking doe. Had he left to hunt while she slept? Leaving her alone and defenseless? What the hell?!

“I don’t know what kinda freaky spell you got on ya, but they straight out started comin’ outta the woods soon as you fell asleep,” Daryl said and sat on the rock. “Weird shit just follows you like the plague, huh?”

Diana’s eyes didn’t leave the game. “Yeah… no shit.” What was going on with her? Her pulse raced and her breathing became shallow. There was something very wrong happening to her. She’d had her share of the impossible happen, it was time for it to stop escalating.

“Hey,” Daryl called out. He knelt in front of her. “You alright?”

“No,” she whispered honestly, “ _Why is this happening?_ ” She didn’t want to be whiny, that was the very last thing she wanted to be. But she was a little freaked.

Yes, she’d always longed for otherworldly excitement. But in the scenarios that she imagined, she always had a basic idea of the reason behind it all. Or at least there was some sort of guide or counselor that helped her figure it out. Almost like in a video game.

Reality was nothing like a video game. She didn’t want any of this. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go back to before.

Daryl grounded her with his hands on her upper arms. He forced her to look at him. “Hey, take deep breaths, alright? Breathe with me, look at me,” he commanded once she began staring into space.

Diana’s eyes were wide and unblinking, on the verge of tears of panic. Her hands flew to grasp at something and latched onto Daryl’s arms, her short fingernails in his flesh.

He told her to breathe in and she mimicked the exaggerated movements of his chest. Her eyes never left his concerned ones.

Shakily, in and out, slow and steady.

His hand cupped her cheek and Diana finally blinked, her eyes stinging. Deep inhale. His thumb wiped away a tear that had overflowed without her notice. Shaky exhale.

“It’s alright. It’s alright. It’s alright,” Daryl repeated. His warm hands rubbed up and down her arms. The goosebumps on her skin were no longer due to the cold.

Slow and steady, in and out. Her breathing regulated, the fist around her heart became looser. The ringing in her ears vanished, making every little sound sharp once more. It’s alright.

Her fingers loosened on Daryl’s biceps and she saw the deep half-moons she left behind. She rubbed her fingertips softly over them with a furrowed brow. “I’m-” she cleared her throat. “I’m sorry.”

Daryl glanced down at them as if he’d only noticed it now, which he probably had, and shook his head. “Forget ‘bout that.” He looked at her. His hand lifted from her arm shortly before grabbing onto it again. “How you feelin’?”

Diana gave a soft chuckle that sounded like it was a salvage from a sigh. “I- I don’t know,” she said. She was feeling a lot and too much at the same time. She took a second to breathe deep and push it all away and numb herself down. She tossed everything behind those ramshackle gates of hers and gave Daryl a tentative smile. “Better, I guess.” She could make it work.

She considered herself somewhat of an expert at suppression. She would deal with it in her next breakdown, whenever it may come. A problem for future her.

But for now, present her really needed a hug.

Diana sat up on her knees and flung her arms around Daryl’s neck. Her sudden weight threw him off balance and he fell back on his butt, one hand on her back to keep her.

Daryl didn’t question nor did he reject it. He simply put his arms fast around her. Because of her higher position, his cheek rested above her collarbone and she could feel his warm breath on her skin at the base of her neck. Her chest tightened again but in something other than panic. He could probably feel her deep heartbeat.

Diana nestled her cheek on the top of his head. She wanted to laugh, he really needed a shower, but then again probably so did she.

Her fingers started caressing the hairs at the back of his head. She felt his hands fist the fabric of her shirt and he exhaled deeply.

Diana no longer knew who was comforting who. She resisted the urge to hum some kind of soft, happy song.

She felt Daryl’s jaw move and his words resonated in her chest. “Me and Merle ain’t leavin’. We gonna stay.”

Diana had many questions regarding that, but for now, she just heard herself say, “Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who woulda guessed that the apocalypse plus other real crazy shit could take a toll on someone? Huh…
> 
> Diana’s too emotional and soft for this world. Or is that exactly what it needs? (omg so cheesy kill me) 
> 
> **Please leave a comment, I'd greatly appreciate your thoughts and feedback! Love you!**


	22. polaris & co.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **had a tough week at work, so this chapter came a little later than expected  
> **  
>  it's here now, though! so enjoy it!  
> 

oOo

Diana had done it! She’d worn her parents down enough to make them grudgingly agree to let her go on a supply run.

It was the first one ever to be done with a group. Glenn had always gone alone before. That was until he had somewhat of a close call with one particular blocked alleyway and a sizable group of geeks. Despite his dismissal that everything was fine, Shane decided it was time others joined him, so they could have each other’s backs.

Diana never thought she’d agree so willingly to anything that man had to say.

She’d been the first to volunteer. Literally, she’d raised her hand so fast that it felt like she pulled a muscle. It hadn’t been out of eagerness to walk into that trap, but rather because she’d do anything to keep Glenn out of harm’s way.

And because the feeling was mutual, he’d gone straight to her parents to tell on her.

Really… Such a kindergartner move.

But Diana was an amazing opportunist. She used that to confront her parents and brought all her best arguments to the table on that matter.

She had a newly learned skill that she wanted to test out and that could prove to be of value on both offense and defense while out there. Also, her superior knowledge of useful drugs and medical supplies could save them precious time while scavenging. Not to mention the honest truth that a larger group might mean a larger chance of someone getting hurt. Who better to go with them than her?

Internally, she added to the list her need for validation. She needed to feel useful and, well, needed. It was selfish, but then again she’d never denied that fact.

She didn’t actually know which of her points had weakened their resolve. It had probably been when she resorted to puppy eyes and literally begging at their feet.

There had been no pride involved.

oOo

Like it had become custom with Glenn and Diana before his runs, they’d gone stargazing that evening.

Their topics of conversation had flowed from the run the next morning to talk about relationships, somehow. It’d been a sharing type of moment.

Diana was very glad that she no longer felt enormous irrational paranoia and instant regret whenever she told Glenn anything about herself.

They had talked about previous romantic relationships, however lacking the subject had been. According to Glenn, he’d had one semi-serious girlfriend, and that had been back in middle school.

It had had quite a weird end to it. Glenn had seen her kiss another guy and when confronted about it, she’d just told him that she’d broken up with him the week before. Turns out she’d confused another guy for Glenn and had had the breakup speech with him.

Not really fun for him.

When the subject moved on to friendships, Diana felt herself close up. Glenn already knew about Mariana, but there was so much more regarding old friends that had scarred her. They’d really fucked her up in the long run. A cautionary tale, really. Don’t open up to people, they’ll only use it against you.

She’d come a long way in healing, but there was still an even longer way to go.

They talked for long until an enraged Alice came to call Glenn on behalf of Grinch Shane. He had some “final details” or some bullshit that he wanted to discuss that _apparently_ couldn’t wait until the morning.

Diana was just mostly salty whenever it came to Mr. Sheriff Asshat. It was already ingrained in her. Even her family had taken to calling him ‘ _Testículo esquerdo do Diabo_ ’, which literally meant ‘ _the Devil’s left testicle_ ’. She loved her family.

So, Glenn left with Alice after planting a kiss on her forehead and nagging her to get some sleep.

oOo

“The hell you doing up here?”

The sudden disembodied voice startled Diana out of her reverie. Her eyes snapped away from the midnight blue as she jumped up with her heart in her throat.

She sighed in relief when she saw who it was. “Jeez, dude. Make some freaking noise when you walk or something. Mr. Super Hunter over here.” She could barely make out his outline in the dark, so she turned on the lantern.

Daryl squinted at the sudden light but stood still in his spot.

“Come sit down, at least. You look really ominous standing there like that,” Diana told him and beckoned him over. He did it without a second thought.

When he sat next to her on the blanket, she dimmed the lantern down a little since the light was hurting her eyes. Daryl propped his elbows on his bent knees and let his arms hang forward. He probably didn’t know how to sit any other way.

“You goin’ with ‘em tomorrow,” he asked without really asking. Diana wondered if he’d really just stumbled upon her or if he’d come out to search for her.

She nodded and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Yeah, I am,” she left it at that. She didn’t need to justify herself to anyone other than her parents. No matter how good her relationship was with Daryl.

Daryl scrutinized her. Then he nodded and said, “Keep your head out there.”

Diana added a quirked eyebrow to her confused frown. “Wait, that’s it?” She’d expected some opposition, maybe some denial that her skills were up to par for the task. “You’re not gonna patronize me or tell me I’m not good enough?”

He made a sound between a chuckle and a scoff while glancing up at the midnight skies. “You’re woman enough to make your own decisions. I ain’t the boss of you. And I know sure as hell ain’t gonna be nothing I say that makes you stay put.”

Diana’s heart might have just skipped a beat there, only to return at full charge. Yes, to all of what he’d just said, thank you. She cleared her throat. “So… Keep my head?”

Daryl nodded once. “You act a lot outta impulse. Remember what you learned, that ain’t gonna fly out there. Keep your head, think, act.” He looked at her with a quirk of his lips and added, “In that order.”

Diana rolled her eyes in good humor and snorted. “Joke’s on you ‘cause anxiety actually makes me question everything I do before I do it and immediately regret it afterward.” It was 50/50, she was just as prone to recklessness.

He poked her in the head in response to her mocking matter-of-factly tone. She pushed away in slow motion, pretending to take a hit, her face contorting in a series of ugly expressions. She fell onto her arm to the side and laughed while using Daryl’s extended hand to pull herself upright.

She didn’t let go right away. Instead, she intertwined them loosely - so he wouldn’t feel trapped, and laid them on her lap. Her fingertips grazed nonsensical patterns on the skin on the back of his hand, and she was lost in thought.

Her mind replayed her conversation with Glenn about friendships. He and Daryl had successfully become her friends ever since it all started. Slowly but surely, she felt like she could trust them enough to let them in without it leading to more emotional damage for her.

Despite that, she still somehow felt that she was forcing her existence onto their lives.

Glenn told her many times how glad he was to have met her, as she was to have met him. Deep down, she knew he meant it.

But Daryl. All that replayed in her mind was the first taste she’d had of his impression of her, the hurtful words he’d thrown at her face. It still seemed to her that that was his current stand regarding her. Apparently, it didn’t matter to her mind that nothing was even remotely the same in comparison to all those weeks ago.

She felt small and childlike, but she had to ask. After all, she believed in the importance of communication in any relationship. “Hey, Daryl?” she began. He opened his eyes that had been closed in near bliss and made a noise of acknowledgment. “I was wondering… I think of you as my friend, right? And uh, like… do you ever feel like you’re, I don’t know, obligated to be my friend? Like you’re here against your will?”

He pulled his hand away, retreating to his personal space. Diana’s hands felt empty now and she started fidgeting with her fingers and cracking her knuckles nervously.

“That what you think?” he asked, voice low and gravely, “I ain’t do shit against my will. I ain’t done shit against my will in a long time. If I’m here, it’s where I wanna be.”

Diana had to very slowly face the other way to suppress the grin that had forced itself on her lips. She cleared her throat and turned back with a serious nod. “I see.” There was a sort of giddy joy trying to explode its way out of her belly and it physically hurt to contain it. It was unprecedented.

She couldn’t even look at him right now.

Then she came to the conclusion that due to his family history, Daryl might have the need to hear how important his existence was as well. It never hurt to be acknowledged and reminded that someone cared.

“For what it’s worth,” Diana said, trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible, “when I’m with you, I’m also where I wanna be.” She hugged her legs to her chest and faced him, trying to convey that feeling through a look.

The low light in the darkness played shadows on Daryl’s face. His eyes appeared darker than the inky skies and were just as magnetic to her. Diana couldn’t look away for the life of her but she had no intention to.

Daryl broke the contact abruptly by turning his face away. He leaned forward into his propped legs and flexed his hands. Diana saw his jaw clench and the column of his throat move. Some higher power was yelling at her to reach out and touch him, but she was frozen solid.

There was a drum inside her ribcage, beating to an unfamiliar song. To drown it out, she cleared her throat softly and spoke up, “Heard you planned a big hunt tomorrow. Merle’s volunteered for the run, though. You going alone?”

He rubbed his eyes with one hand. With a deep inhale, he whispered, “Yeah, don’t know how long I’ll be gone.” He looked at her with a quirk of his lips. “You oughta come with and take a nap somewhere,” he said, referring to the incident the week before. If she wasn’t a nap person before, the count had moved to the negatives now.

“No, thank you. If anything, I’d wanna learn how to track like you do,” Diana confessed and propped her chin on her palm. “Would you be cool with that?” She didn’t want him to think she was trying to make him obsolete.

“Why not?” Daryl shrugged. “Ya got a damn great teacher.”

Diana grinned into her palm. “The damn best.” A shooting star caught her eye and she gasped in amazement. She felt around for Daryl’s arm and slapped it repeatedly. “Didja see it? Oh my God, tell me you saw that.”

Daryl stopped her incessant hitting by grabbing her wrist and returning it to her. He scoffed out a chuckle. “Yeah, easy, I saw it.”

Diana slapped her hands together and shut her eyes. “Hang on a sec, I gotta make a wish,” she whispered and hummed in thought.

She wished for… for… eh, she went for the generic health and long life for her and her family and friends. Right now, it was more relevant than anything else.

“You believe in that bullcrap?” Daryl raised an eyebrow and looked at her from the corner of his eye.

She finished up and leaned back on her hands with a shrug. “Doesn’t hurt to try, right? Whether it works or not, at least I put it out there.”

She craned her neck and looked to the twinkling stars. She didn’t know if it was for lack of light pollution or what, but she’d never seen such starry skies. Her head tilted in confusion. She craned her neck even further back and then whipped her head forward when it became too painful to hold it.

“The hell you doin’?” Daryl asked, “Tryna give yourself whiplash?”

Her eyes were glued up again. “Can’t find any constellations I know,” Diana commented and then shrugged loosely with a snort. “I mean, I know a grand total of two constellations, but the sky here is different.”

Daryl followed her line of sight and then pointed at the distance. “Ya got your North Star right there.” He pointed to the brightest one in the sky. “So that’s the lil Dipper right there, ya see it?”

Diana could make out the shape as soon as he pointed it out. A smile grew on her lips. “Oh yeah. The other one I know is Orion’s belt. You know, for a self-proclaimed space geek, I don’t really know a lot about it.”

“I can fix that,” Daryl said with a nonchalant glance at her. Diana wondered if he knew that he’d just quoted a line from one of her favorite movie subplots. He continued, “Ya gonna find Orion’s belt there, those three.” He pointed it out to her, but she couldn’t distinguish them. There were just so many stars, it was an unbelievable sight. No matter how many times she’d seen it, she never grew tired.

Her eyes combed the skies. She shook her head with a slight frown and asked, “Which ones?” She saw Daryl move in closer in her peripheral vision.

She felt his body warmth against her back even though he wasn’t touching her. He leaned over her shoulder, his warm breath falling on her exposed skin, raising goosebumps. He took her hand with enormous care and used her finger to point at the stars he’d mentioned. “There,” he whispered.

Diana swallowed hard. “Uh-huh,” she managed. Her breathing had become shallow and it was making her lightheaded. She didn’t know if she was seeing stars literally or figuratively anymore.

His arm brushed against hers and her skin tingled where they touched. With her hand, he pointed out a cluster. “That’s the Swan. See the cross shape?”

“Mmhm.” Diana’s bobbed in a quick nod. She didn’t trust her vocal chords right now.

He showed her a couple more and then let her go. He moved back and they both fell silent. Diana gazed up to hide the fact that she was very conscious of Daryl’s thigh pressed against hers as he leaned back on his hands and out of her peripheral vision. There was a subtle tingle underneath her skin. It was very distracting.

Diana uncrossed her legs, putting some distance again between them, and the vice in her chest loosened its grip. She felt colder. Not just literally.

She sighed and leaned back until she was lying down. She saw Daryl’s eyes follow her. “You can lie down, too, you know? It’s not reserved for the rich and beautiful.” Since she was neither. “C’mon, sweet child, lay your head upon mama Earth’s bosom,” she said playfully in an elderly voice and patted the blanket.

Daryl smiled with a scoff of laughter and shook his head to himself. Hesitantly, he lied next to her.

Diana intertwined her hands over her belly and laughed. “Damn, that really looked like such a chore.”

“It was,” Daryl replied, “Try me again like that and I’m outta here.” His lips quirked up.

She thought of how much a person could change once you get to know them and show them the love they deserve. Daryl was naturally playful, she wondered how much shit must’ve stained his life to cover that up. He deserved more than had been handed to him.

He interrupted her thoughts with a question. Being a borderline maladaptive daydreamer could be a pain in the ass when you weren’t in the safety of isolation. She blinked at him and asked to repeat it.

“Ya gettin’ lost again?” Heh, okay so he’d noticed. “I said, what’s it ‘bout what’s up there that you love so much.”

To be honest, her breath hitched at the way he said the word ‘love’, to be dishonest, she hated it.

Diana swallowed it down with a nervous chuckle and gestured at the diamond sky. “What’s not to love? I mean, look up there and don’t tell me you don’t feel… significant? Yeah, that could be the word. I feel like I’m… like I’m alive, you know what I mean?”

She glanced at Daryl, who was carefully studying her. She continued, “I usually feel so small, but when I think that everything out there aligned so we could exist, so _I_ could exist, it… it gives me a little bit of hope. It gives me a bit of purpose.” She laughed. “I mean, it’s blind purpose, but it makes me happy.”

After a moment of contemplative silence, Daryl commented, “Damn, you went off the philosophical end. Thought you were gonna say ‘cause the moon looks pretty or somethin’ like that.” His tone made Diana snicker.

“Man, don’t get me wrong, the moon _is_ pretty. I love the moon with a burning passion. There’s nothing I don’t like about space from an aesthetic point of view.” She shrugged. “I’m just saying there’s more to it.”

“I swear to God, Diana, you stupid cow, if anyone else makes me come up here for your stupid ass, I’mma-” They heard Alice’s exasperated voice before she was even in view. When she saw them, she stopped in her tracks, lantern up to her face.

Both Diana and Daryl sat up, Diana a little more abruptly as she scrambled to dial up the lantern. Under Alice’s hard scrutiny, she couldn’t help but feel like a child about to be reprehended.

“Hey, Daryl…” she started, taking cautious steps towards them. “You’re up here, with my sister, _alone_.” The last word was more hissed towards Diana. She’d gone and ditched all subtlety.

Her siblings were partial towards him, they thought he was kinda cool but had never interacted with him more than absolutely necessary. They also knew that her archery lessons had ended about a week ago. Diana guessed Alice wasn’t that okay with them spending time together outside of that.

See, she did care.

Daryl stood and offered Diana a hand up. She took it with a grateful smile. As soon as she was up, he snatched his hand away and tucked them in his pockets with a glance at Alice.

“Mom said to come get you. She says that if you really wanna go tomorrow, you better act like you earned it,” Alice said, closing in on them. She gave Daryl the stink eye and grabbed Diana’s lantern off the ground. She shoved it at her and ignored her breathless huff. “You better say your goodnights now.”

Daryl puffed out a breath of laughter and mumbled something that sounded like ‘the guts on this kid’.

Diana adjusted the light of the lantern and smiled. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow when we come back. I’mma keep my head.” She collected the blanket and folded it over her arm.

Daryl nodded in acknowledgment. Diana shot him finger guns with a click of her tongue as Alice dragged her away by the arm.

oOo

“They wouldn’t like it,” Alice said as soon as they were out of earshot.

Diana tilted her head and feigned innocence. “Like what?”

Alice rolled her eyes with a groan. “Whatever was going on up there. I don’t wanna know, honestly, I don’t care. You’re a grown ass woman even though you act like you’re fucking five sometimes.”

“There’s nothing-”

“Shhh shh, I said I didn’t wanna know,” Alice interrupted with a finger to Diana’s face. The play of light and shadow on her face heightened her somber expression. “I won’t tell mom and dad. They’re already all over your case about tomorrow and…” she let it hang there.

Even though there had really been nothing outside of the normal parameters going on, she appreciated Alice taking her side. She and Felix had been very supportive of her concerning the run.

They’d said that they thought it was about time she proved to everyone that their family was the shit. Their words, not hers.

Diana nodded. “Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love playing the game of oblivious denial.
> 
> Next up, finally we catch up to the show! All it took was 22 chapters and almost 100k words.
> 
> Don’t blame me, I like developing my shit precociously!
> 
> **Please leave a comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback! Love you!**


	23. assholes and how to deal with them

oOo

The morning of the run had been an emotionally stressful one. At least for Diana, it had. Her parents almost forbade her to go at least four times, but she’d prevailed by reminding them of the points that had won her argument the day before.

Then she’d gone to wish Daryl a good hunt but it seemed like he’d already left.

Shane had given her a machete which she’d taken with a hint of gratitude. She had her bow with her anyways, but since no one knew what it could do, she didn’t want to look unarmed. It may have looked foolish to the others, but she knew what was up.

The ride to the city had given her nervous butterflies. It made her want to throw up with every jostle of the van. There, they worked stealthily and raided a couple of uninhabited stores.

Everything was going fine, but it didn’t last long. When does it ever?

Glenn had spotted a man donning a sheriff’s uniform on the streets while on the lookout for the next spot. He’d been riding on a horse like an apocalyptic cowboy and had then gotten himself trapped in a tank with dozens of geeks surrounding him.

Diana’s heart went out for the poor horse as she averted her eyes and covered her ears from its desperate whinnies.

Glenn took off after that, trying to reach the man on the walkie-talkie, going by the logic that there must be one inside the tank. Diana wanted to accompany him, but he asked her to stay behind, not wanting to put her in unnecessary danger. Then he went ahead and put himself in unnecessary danger.

They'd been waiting for some time when they heard shots from out on the street that were growing closer to them. Diana heard Morales curse under his breath and run his hands into his hairline. In a nervous tizzy, she tapped the flat side of the machete against her leg and cracked her knuckles one-handed.

If the shots came any closer, the geeks would come to them like a tidal wave.

The others were pacing, seething, especially Andrea, who was on the verge of tears of anger. Her knuckles were white from her grip on her gun and Diana eyed her like she was about to explode.

Suddenly, Glenn’s voice sounded from the walkie-talkie, accompanied by vague static, and Diana shot to T-Dog. “What’d he say? Is he coming back?”

T-Dog pursed his lips and nodded tensely. “Yeah, got that son of a bitch with him.”

He and Morales started covering themselves with some kind of protective gear they’d improvised with shit from the store.

Morales spoke next, wiping his sweaty brow, “Seriously, does he not get the concept of stealth?”

Diana ignored their collective complaints. She just wanted Glenn safe by her side again, with or without Apocalypse Cowboy.

T-Dog and Morales counted to three and burst out the door, fully geared up and donning baseball bats. Diana heard the snarls of the dead before the sound of wood on flesh and bone was heard. She suppressed a shudder, seeing the gory image that accompanied the sound in her mind’s eye.

Glenn came rampaging through the door with the other man in tow.

Glenn’s hand flew out immediately in her direction when he spotted her and Diana almost glided to his side, grabbing it and squeezing it in relief. They shared a look before being distracted by Andrea’s outrage.

She was on the Sheriff before the Devil could blink, pressing her gun to his face. She made furious threats and accused him of their doom.

Diana thought that she could stand to be less melodramatic about it and pointing a gun at the guy’s face wasn’t gonna do anything. Dead or alive, he couldn’t change what he’d done.

“Hey, c’mon now, Andrea. Maybe put the gun down and give the guy a break. We’re all just tryna survive here,” Diana appeased her and put a soft hand on her upper back. Her insides trembled like jelly at the situation, but she bit her tongue and kept her head.

“It’s his own fault, Diana,” Morales warned and experimentally lowered Andrea’s arm, telling her to either back down or pull the trigger.

She backed off slowly, accusations still fresh on her tongue and angry, frustrated tears in her eyes.

Diana glanced back at the sheriff, looking him up and down. He looked shaken up and confused, riding on slowly trickling adrenaline. He was holding a hand to his side.

“You okay? Are you injured?” Diana asked cautiously with a touch to his arm.

The sheriff’s head snapped to hers, his blue eyes wide, and he shook his head. “No, I’m… I’m not.” He dropped his hand when he noticed Diana’s pointed look.

“Were you bitten or scratched?” She’d never seen it in action, but patients from the camp had told her tales of the things they’d seen. That plus her knowledge of zombie movies equals ‘contact with human blood is a no-no’.

He looked at her like her question was a familiar one. “No, I haven’t,” he sounded sincere.

T-Dog spoke from behind her, his tone almost threatening, “Let her check.”

“I swear I will put a bullet in your brain if you’re lying,” Andrea stepped forward as the sheriff hesitantly untucked his shirt.

Diana put her arm out and stopped her. She raised an annoyed eyebrow. “Chill,” she bit out. They had more important stuff to do, so let her just confirm the guy’s innocence and move on.

He lifted his shirt just enough to see a pink scar on his side. It looked recent, but it was neither a bite nor a scratch mark, thus making it not a big deal.

“I told you,” the sheriff whispered while tucking his shirt back in. Diana nodded at him in gratitude.

“Who cares about that; we’re still all dead because of you,” Andrea lamented, falling back. Jacqui pulled her to her side and caressed her back.

“I don’t understand,” said the newcomer.

Morales grabbed him by the arm and dragged him along to the front of the department store they’d been holed up in. He admonished his loudness and lack of stealth and lectured him on the key points to survival and scavenging.

Diana shared a look with Glenn as they hurried behind the group. She could hear the sounds of geeks banging on the glass doors, and upon reaching the storefront, the sight was enough to make her chest constrict with the beginnings of panic.

The tidal wave had crashed on their front door and they were on the verge of drowning.

She heard Andrea say, “You just rang the dinner bell.”

The geeks were squished up together in an unruly manner, as they do, pushing and banging against the glass with whatever body part was more convenient. One or two of them had rocks and were attempting – and succeeding – to crack the glass door. Diana had never seen them use tools before. What that a thing?

They backed up in shock when a perfect spider web crack appeared on the partition. They hid behind racks of clothes and still mannequins in fear.

Diana felt her breath hitch and her throat threaten to close up. She coached her breathing, in through the nose and out slowly through half pursed lips, calming the stress-induced asthma attack before it could start. There was no more she could do than that, her inhaler had run out of juice last week after a self-defense session had left her particularly winded.

She came out of her out mind when she heard the sheriff mention something about a helicopter he had been trying to flag.

“What helicopter?” she asked, curious, and felt the disbelieving eyes on her.

He turned to her. “I saw it over the building, the reflection of it, anyhow.” It sounded like he was telling the truth. Who knew? Maybe there was still some semblance of organized society out there, trying to find survivors in all the chaos.

“Man, that’s crap, there’s no damn helicopter,” T-Dog chided, and Jacqui joined in, saying it must have been a hallucination.

“I saw it,” the man defended firmly, his lips pursed.

Diana believed him, and she said so. “Dude, we got no idea who’s still alive out there. For all we know, it could’ve been real.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” Morales said as a side note and then asked T-Dog to try to contact the others.

She forgot about the helicopter talk, since it wouldn’t help them right now, and focused instead on helping to find a way out of there, out of the city, and back to her family.

Her parents had finally been willing to let her go. She’d promised them a thousand times over that she would come back to them safe and sound – something she wasn’t even sure she’d be able to keep but had promised anyway, just to appease them – so she could not and would not die there.

“The others?” Sheriff asked, hopeful, “The refugee center?” His hope was shot down by Jacqui’s sarcastic reality check, saying that yeah, they had cookies fresh out of the oven waiting for them.

That didn’t sound half bad, Diana hadn’t eaten cookies since forever. Her stomach grumbled in response to the thought of chocolate chips treats and Mailänderlis, and she slapped a hand over her belly, hoping the sound hadn’t been obviously loud. She had bigger issues that her hunger, she could eat once they were safe.

T-Dog fumbled with the knobs and buttons but only got static in return. He frowned. “Got no signal. Maybe the roof.”

A shot rang off from above them, startling them into a half crouch. What the hell? Or who in Hell had done that? Besides the Sheriff, they hadn’t seen anyone else alive out there. Diana looked around at the group; who was missing?

Oh no. Merle.

Merle, why do you have to wander off like a damn child? Like a trigger-happy, loony child.

Everyone grumbled about him, cursing out his name, and hurried out the door that led to the stairs to the roof. Glenn waited for her there as last, waving an arm at her to hurry, his brow raised in apprehension. “Come on, Diana, let’s go, no time to be admiring those things.”

She ran to him without a final glance back, her hand on sheriff’s back to push him ahead.

“Stay close to me, alright?” Glenn told her as they took the tail climbing the stairs two at a time.

Diana gave him a look. She intended to, but she didn’t like being told what to do, so she responded with, “I’m not a child, Glenn,” and ran ahead.

Both erupted through the door, out into the sunlight to see Merle shooting down at the street from up on the building’s edge. He was laughing in spouts like he’d gone crazy.

Diana calmed her heavy breathing and blinked against the blinding light. She raised an arm to shield her eyes and bent slightly at the waist to catch her breath. Fuck, how she hated asthma.

“Hey! You oughta be more polite to a man with a gun,” Merle shouted out in response to whatever Morales had said to him. A condescending grin was on his lips and he waved his rifle around, shortly pointing it at her before it continued on its rotation.

Diana could feel exasperation building up in her. Why was everyone so fond of pointing guns at people’s faces lately. Was it the new trend? What had happened to talk first, shoot later?

“Merle, for real, you’re acting like a fucking asshat. Put that thing down and get down from there!” Diana said, ever so concerned about the wellbeing of others. Actually, seeing him standing so close to the edge was making her skin crawl with anxiety.

Merle sneered down at her, his lips pulling up in contempt. He proceeded to jump down and parade himself in front of them, the maniac grin reappearing on his face.

Morales and T-Dog jumped over one of the wide pipes running along the length of the roof and stomped to him, infuriated. The latter said, “Man, you’re wasting bullets we ain’t even got, man! And you’re bringing even more of them down on our ass! Man, just chill!”

“Hey! Bad enough I've got this taco-bender on my ass all day. Now I'm gonna take orders from you?” Merle shook his head. “I don't think so, _bro_. That'll be the day.”

“Merle, don’t be a jackass. Stop this right now,” Diana demanded, more than pissed off. One hand gripped the humming bow on her shoulder and the other hovered over the handle of the machete at her side.

He just turned to her and gave a gratingly arrogant smile. “Ya ain’t gotta butt in. You might be nicer on the eye than these two, sweet cheeks, but ya ain’t any better than them. You’re some kind o’ rotten hybrid, the result of shameless inter-breeding.”

His words and the easiness with which he’d said them were enough to almost physically knock her back. She stood there, shocked and hurt, for the whole of two seconds. The subsequent fight that broke out between Merle and T-Dog jarred her to focus.

Glenn’s comforting words fell on deaf ears. She ignored the sheriff getting knocked to the ground by one of Merle’s mindless punches. She ignored the panicked cries as Merle knelt over T-Dog with a pistol to his face.

Diana grabbed the bow off her shoulder – its purring almost aggressive now – and approached Merle from behind.

The others stood around in silence, frightened for what he might do.

“Diana, what’re-” Jacqui didn’t finish her sentence.

Diana grabbed the bow by a limb, raised it over her shoulder and swung it like a baseball bat, clubbing Merle on the back of the head with a blunt thud. He fell to the floor, next to T-Dog, not unconscious, but stunned.

His gun skidded from his grasp and Morales picked it up in a rush.

The sheriff, now recovered from the blow he’d sustained, stalked in Merle’s direction. He gave her a slightly impressed nod as he passed Diana and handcuffed Merle to a metal rod that connected the pipes to the floor.

T-Dog was helped to sit by Glenn and Jacqui. Diana said to him, “Sorry, T-Dog, man. I’ll take a look at you in just a sec, I wanna see how this plays out.”

She heard Sheriff introduce himself to Merle as Officer Friendly and condemning his bigoted remarks.

Glenn helped T-Dog sit up against the wall and slid up to Diana. “You okay?” Glenn whispered to her, his hand slipping into hers.

She nodded minutely and squeezed it. “Yeah, just tired. Of everything.”

But damn, had it felt good to knock Merle down a peg. She’d heard so many racist comments in her life and had always imagined herself retributing in one way or another. Of course that with her mild temperament, she’d never done anything about it other than be upset about it and cry.

But she was tired. Tired of snide side comments she wasn’t meant to hear, tired of hearing she was “(insert generic complimenting adjective) for a black girl”, tired of being asked “what she was”, tired of being insulted to her face about her heritage, something she was so proud of, tired of being told to go back to her country, even back in her home country.

So this time, she did do something and she didn’t regret it one bit.

The bow hummed gently, in tune with her emotions. Diana hung it from her shoulder, feeling more at peace despite her act of violence.

The sheriff received Merle’s pistol from Morales and pressed it to Merle’s temple, repeating his words from before about being polite to a man with a gun right after Merle told him to go screw himself.

Diana tilted her head to Glenn and whispered, “He might’ve ruined our stealth and our chance at survival or whatever, but I like his sass.”

“You would,” Glenn whispered back.

“-All I am anymore is a man looking for his wife and son. Anybody that gets in the way of that is gonna lose. I'll give you a moment to think about that,” Sheriff hissed to Merle. He then proceeded to search his pockets until he found something in one of them.

Diana craned her neck to take a better look. In the Sheriff’s grasp was small baggy half full with a white powder.

Of course, he fucking would. Damn Merle high off his own face, endangering the group, the run, everything, just for the thrill of a snort. Some of her conversations with Daryl hinted that Merle had dabbled with drugs in the past, but she didn’t think he had dragged his addiction with him into the apocalypse.

Fucking irresponsible.

Sheriff threw Merle’s drugs over the building’s edge. Diana’s eyes tracked the little white spot until it was lost to her while Merle yelled and threatened and tugged at his handcuffed wrist, the rattling of metal on metal loud alongside his voice. Music to her ears.

When the Sheriff strutted away from them with Morales trailing behind, Diana realized her more important duties. She let go of Glenn’s hand and knelt by T-Dog.

She dragged her backpack to her from where she’d thrown it. She set it next to her and checked the injured man who was like a big brother to her own little brother. Did that make them brother and sister by association? Did it work that way? Even if it didn’t, he’d already been calling her sister for a long time.

With careful hands and a light, but thorough touch, she cleaned the cuts on his face and applied ointment on them to help the healing. A quick prodding to his ribs indicated nothing was broken nor cracked. He’d be sore for a while, so she gave him a Dafalgan from her reserve.

T-Dog thanked her with a pained smile. He added, "I'm sorry he said that."

Diana smiled sadly but didn't elaborate. “You’re welcome, bro. Sorry I didn’t get to him sooner.” She adjusted his disheveled shirt and packed her travel-sized med-kit away.

“I heard that, sweet cheeks,” Merle’s voice sounded from his spot of incarceration.

“Good, I didn’t damage your hearing, then.” Diana rolled her eyes and pat T-Dog on the shoulder. She apologized sheepishly when he winced.

She stood and braced herself against the wall while looking down at the anthill of geeks on the streets.

“That was a hell of a swing,” Sheriff commented as he joined her, the same apprehension on his face at the sight below.

Diana shrugged. “Thanks, I guess. Nice handcuffing?” She glanced at him from the corner of her eye and saw his lips twitch into a short smile as he nodded in thanks.

“May I ask why a bow? Comes to my observation you’re not carrying-”

“-any ammo for it?” Diana finished and gave him a regretful smile that was nothing short of a grimace. “Yeah, it’s uh- it’s complicated. Maybe one day you’ll see.”

“Signal’s like Dixon’s brain-” Diana heard T-Dog say as he messed with the walkie-talkie “-weak.”

She dragged her gaze away from the geeks buzzing down in the streets like bees in a hive, their groans fresh in her ears. She abandoned the Sheriff’s curious gaze as it followed her and went to Glenn, who was sitting on the rusty metal stairs, his elbows resting on his knees in quiet contemplation.

He was sure to be the one to get them out of there safely. His knowledge of the city and his strategic mind would make sure of it.

Diana sat on the step below him, her butt on the space between his feet and her upper arms coming to rest on top of his knees. She heard him sigh and felt his chin settle on top of her head, his arms draped over her shoulders, hanging down her front.

She looked up at him with a fond smile and reached up to hug him to her the best she could.

Merle made Andrea a disgusting sexual offer and accused her of being lesbian when she refused. Yes, because you totally had to be lesbian to refuse a man like Merle. For real. His lewd voice and word choice made Diana’s skin crawl.

She felt overall annoyed by him, but his racy behavior atop his racism made her distaste grow. “Get some class, man, it still isn’t too late.”

He turned to her, adjusting himself to accommodate his chained wrist. He no longer went through the trouble of hiding the contempt he felt for her. “You’re one to talk, sweet cheeks,” his nickname for her was dripping with venom.

His comment puzzled her. Diana sat up straighter, untangling herself from Glenn. “What do you… what do you mean by that?”

By then, everyone’s eyes were on them, even though some only payed half-minded attention to Merle.

He huffed in humorless laughter. “It don’t matter you already gorging on rice balls,” he spat out in Glenn’s direction. “You think I ain’t noticed you sneakin’ around with my lil brother? Like a cheap who-”

“That’s enough!” Sheriff bellowed out. He succeeded in shutting Merle up, but not in taking back his words, nor removing the satisfied smirk from his face.

Diana stood and looked at the others, who avoided her eye. She could feel her heart thump in her chest in panic, making it hard to breathe. Before the air was completely gone from her lungs, Diana wheezed out, “It’s not like that, okay? He’s be- he’s been teaching me.”

Merle raised his eyebrows depravedly and rotated his hips. “Oh, I bet he has.”

Diana’s eyes widened and she shook her head in denial. She heard her pulse pumping in her ears, making her lightheaded. Is that what other people thought? Not only that she and Glenn were a couple, but that she was sleeping with Daryl on the side.

Was that the impression they had of her?

“What the hell, man, you don’t know jack-shit.” Glenn put a protective arm around her shoulders, jolting the bow hanging there.

The numbness of her skin faded as she felt the bow hum against her. Her furrowed brow flattened. What better time than now? It was past due, anyway, she’d been delaying it for weeks. There was no better time nor place than this. She’d worried her nerves raw over what people would think and say, but they already had the wrong idea of her.

What was the point in hiding any longer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh shit it’s happening
> 
> also, guess some ppl put two and two together when they realized diana and daryl always disappeared at the same time, except their two plus two equals five
> 
> **please leave a comment! i'd really love to read about your thoughts on this story! ILY**


	24. woops, there it is

oOo

“He’s been teaching me this.”

Diana shook off Glenn’s arm and grabbed her bow. She raised it, adopting a familiar stance that she’d spent weeks perfecting. Then she aimed two inches to the side of Merle’s head and drew the silver string until it touched the tip of her nose and her hand rested under her jaw. She released it.

In the whizz of a blur, the arrow lodged into the metal pipe by his head without a flinch from him. When it sunk into his drug-addled brain what had happened, he looked to the side to witness the arrow dissipate like smoke. He yelped and jumped away, tugging at his handcuffs and looking up at her in mild horror.

That was it.

It was done.

“Jesus, Lord in Heaven.” Diana heard Jacqui say and saw the woman cross herself with wide eyes.

“Diana, what is- I don’t-?” Glenn stammered out with a questioning tone of voice, breaking the otherwise stunned silence.

“I’m so sorry,” Diana started with a heavy heart, brow furrowed as she let her eyes roam guiltily. “I’m really sorry I never said anything. I didn’t know- I wasn’t sure how- I…”

Andrea plowed toward her, enraged and without a shred of sympathy. “You goddamn bitch! You’ve been letting us waste our ammo all this time when you can do that?! How could you have hidden something like this from us? You know how much danger we’ve been in! When you could’ve-”

The Sheriff stepped up to stop Andrea from coming down on Diana in her anger. “Hey, back off. Calm yourself down before you’re pointing your gun at her head as well,” he said.

Diana cowered back, feeling small and unsure of what to do. Her heart was loud in her ears and she felt close to tears. Anxiety whispered in her ear that they all hated her now and that she never should’ve done it.

Merle sneered at her and spat at her feet. “Fuckin’ nigger demon.”

His hateful words stung and she took a step back, almost stepping on Glenn. He grabbed her hand and entwined their fingers in silent support. He always stood by her side, even when he should be hating her for keeping this from him.

He always made sure she could count on him. Diana loved Glenn for that.

T-Dog stumbled to a stand and spat at Merle, “Shut your bitch-ass mouth, you stupid sunovabitch.” He held a hand to his ribs and winced with every step he took towards her. At her side, his large hand weighed on her shoulder like an anchor. Grounding and firm.

The anxiety lost its voice. She wasn’t hated.

“No, she’s a godsend,” said Jacqui, joining her hands in front of her chest. “Coming to purge the Earth from these demons.”

Diana shook her head fiercely and sniffed back her tears. She’d never expected Jacqui to be such a believer of religious icons. She let go of Glenn’s hand and sidestepped the Sheriff. “No, okay, I’m not. I’m none of those things, okay? I’m nothing, you know? I just… I just found something that I shouldn’t have. It’s not me, it’s this.” She stretched out her hand with the bow. The golden tint reflected the gray of the clouded sky.

Morales and Jacqui came forward to look at it. Andrea still glared at her from the distance. The Sheriff asked her permission to try it out.

Diana nodded sheepishly, knowing by now it would be for naught. It had only worked with her until now and she was certain it would stay that way.

When his attempt produced no satisfactory results, he turned to her with an inquisitive furrow of his brow. T-Dog was who voiced the question.

Diana shrugged helplessly, her eyes on the weapon. “It’s never worked with anyone else except me,” she explained. She suppressed a grimace when Jacqui started murmuring to herself and crossed herself again.

She didn’t want them getting the wrong idea of her yet again, just because she felt special because of the bow, it didn’t mean she actually _was_ special. It was just a coping strategy.

“That’s okay,” the Sheriff said as he handed it back. “We can discuss this in depth at some other time when the clock isn’t ticking.” He didn’t look like it was okay, he looked like someone who wanted answers, but he spared her that at the moment and she was thankful for it. “Think you can clear us a way out of here with that?”

Diana felt her stomach drop and shook her head vigorously. “I don’t know. I don’t… I don’t think I can. I mean, I’ve practiced on moving targets before, but never geeks and there are too many of them.” She wanted to prove herself and her capabilities, but there would have to be at least ten of her to clear a path through the geeks at the storefront. She knew her limits.

“Hey, it’s alright, we’ll keep it as a last resource, just in case. That okay with you?” The Sheriff laid a hand on her shoulder and met her eye.

Diana nodded half-heartedly and lifted a shoulder. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?” Andrea shouted at her, back on her warpath. “You can easily get us all out of here and won’t do it because of what, you never shot walkers before? Eventually, you’ll have to. So why not now when our lives are at stake? Are you that selfish?”

“Andrea, take it easy, this is her first time,” Morales berated, “She’s scared, we’re all scared, get over it. We can find another way out.” He gave Diana a pitiful look.

Diana hated that look and she hated that she couldn’t do what they wanted of her.

She felt her blood freeze inside her veins just imagining it. They’d be on her quicker than ants on fallen candy. There was no way she’d be able to fend off against dozens of them at a time. She wasn’t Wonder Woman.

“Okay, so we know that so the streets aren’t safe,” said the Sheriff, getting back on track. “What about under? The sewers?”

They starting buzzing with the beginnings of a new plan. Jacqui mentioned something about the subbasements and they left to check her theory, leaving T-Dog to recover from his injuries and try the walkie-talkie, and Merle to seethe and wallow and curse about Diana having bewitched his brother.

oOo

Down in the darkened basement, they stared down the ladder to a sewer entrance. The light of their torches danced on the different surfaces, examining the route in question.

Morales spoke up, uncertain, “This is it? Are you sure?”

Diana scoffed. “Definitely no other way to go, so down into the sewers with us, 'cause that's a good idea!” she pretended to cheer and then sighed. “For real, this day just keeps on giving.”

“Don’t jinx it,” Glenn commented. He nodded at Morales and answered, “Yeah, I mean, I really scoped this place out the other times I was here. It's the only thing in the building that goes down. But I've never gone down it. Who'd want to, right?”

The others looked up and at him expectantly. Diana inhaled deeply with widening eyes. Oh, hell no.

Glenn grimaced and looked down at the pit of doom. “Oh. Great.”

“No, nuh-uh. If anything, I should be going,” Diana confessed, foregoing her past statement and grabbing Glenn by the upper arm. “Can’t be that many geeks down there, if any at all. I could totally do it, I could. It’d be good practice.”

“No, you’re not going,” Glenn stated with a firm look. There he was again, putting her safety above his own once more. It’d have to stop sometime; Diana would have to show him that he was just as important.

“We’ll be right behind you,” Andrea told him softly, in what was supposed to be an encouraging manner. The complete opposite image of how she’d been not five minutes ago. The duality of a woman.

“No, you won’t. I don’t-” Glenn stopped talking with an indignant huff and looked from Diana to his left to the others to his right.

The Sheriff gave him a pat on the shoulder and told him to speak his mind.

Glenn breathed deeply. “Look, until now I always came here by myself. In and out, grab a few things; no problem. The first time I bring a group… Everything goes to hell. No offense.” His gesturing made the light from his torch shine briefly across Diana’s vision, blinding her for a second. “If you want me to go down this gnarly hole, fine… But only if we do it my way. It's tight down there. If I run into something and have to get out quick, I don't want you all jammed up behind me getting me killed. I'll take one person-” He stopped the Sheriff before he could volunteer. “Not you either. You've got Merle's gun and I've seen you shoot. I'd feel better if you were out in that store watching those doors, covering our ass.”

Next, he turned to Diana. “Please go with him. I know they’re many, but you won’t be alone and hopefully, it won’t come to that. But if it does and if your training with Dixon started when I think it did, then I know you can do this. I _need_ you to do this.”

Diana nodded with downcast eyes, displeased.

Then he continued distributing jobs. Andrea was to go with her and the Sheriff, Morales was to go down with Glenn, and Jacqui would be on the lookout to get them out if something were to happen on the surface.

See, strategic to a fault.

Before Glenn began climbing down the ladder, Diana covered his hand on the railing with hers and begged him to be careful. He gave her an anguished smile and continued the descent. That didn’t make it any easier for her to let him go.

She followed the Sheriff and Andrea back to the storefront. She tried to keep her distance from Andrea, who kept stealing glances at her. Diana wondered how someone like Amy could be related to her. If she’d been intent on winning her over, she could forget about that now. She did not need Andrea’s approval for shit.

They walked warily into the store, trying not to rile up the geeks any further.

They were relentless, even after their ‘walking meals’ had disappeared from sight for so long, they hadn’t desisted from trying to break down the glass doors to get to them. Mob mentality, it affected even those with low brainwave frequency.

Andrea began apologizing to the Sheriff about having had her gun in his face and that was about when Diana drifted to the back of the store, away from their private conversation.

She went through the racks of clothes, trying to distract herself from the noise coming from the entrance. She saw some skirts she thought Alice would’ve liked, but she knew they weren’t the most practical of clothing articles to wear nowadays. She skipped them and mindlessly held up a black sweatshirt that seemed to be Felix’s size. She put it against her torso and turned to the floor length mirror.

Her heart nearly stopped when she saw Andrea standing behind her. She threw the shirt away to face her.

Diana pursed her lips and looked off to the side. She cracked her knuckles one-handed with nerves. “Uhh, you need something or…?”

“I’m sorry… about before,” Andrea said, straight to the point, “I didn’t know what to think when I saw you do that. You gotta admit it’s kinda freaky.” She gave Diana a wavering smile. “But I know what it’s like to be that scared. I just… I just want to be out of here. I need to go back to my sister.”

That was a sentiment Diana could understand. She, too, wanted to go back to her family. “Look, I get it, for real. I wanna leave too, and if I could do what you want me to do, I would, but I’m… I’m-”

“You don’t have to justify yourself.” Andrea gave a small smile. “It’s your choice. Besides, it’d be crazy to send you out like that, you wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Diana knew she was right and meant well, but her choice of words peeved her. And it wasn’t like she’d forgotten her outrage from before.

“You’re searching for gifts?” Andrea asked, changing the subject. She looked back to the Sheriff, who was controlling something at the entrance. “I got something for Amy.” She took a necklace out of her jeans pocket, it had a mermaid pendant dangling from it.

Diana shrugged loosely. “I don’t think it’s looting if there’s no one alive anymore to ring it up for you, right?”

Andrea gave her a rueful smile and put it away again. “Want any help searching for something?”

Diana was tempted to use the phrase, ‘no, thanks, I’m just looking’, but she wasn’t sure her ill-timed humor would be appreciated.

“Nah, I already got everything I need,” Diana said and turned to peruse through the racks again. Her words were inconsistent with her actions, so maybe Andrea would take the hint.

“What about something you want? That shirt, maybe?” She didn’t take the hint.

 _I want to leave_ , Diana thought but refrained from saying it aloud. She knew she was not the only one. “Eh, it was alright.”

The outer door shattered to pieces, allowing the geeks to advance to the next one.

Andrea darted to the front to where the Sheriff stood at the ready and Diana followed suit.

She rejoiced for a short moment when she saw Glenn and the others return. He shot to her, skidding on the linoleum floor, and she caught him by the shoulders.

“And?” she asked him.

“What’d you find down there?” added the Sheriff, glancing briefly at Morales.

He shook his head mournfully, breathing heavily. “Not a way out.”

Fuck!

oOo

They ran back up to the roof, not wanting their presence to fuel the walkers’ mindless determination. Desperation was slowly setting in, replacing whatever hope they’d had.

On the roof, the Sheriff used Glenn’s binoculars to search around the area for a way out. He spotted some trucks in a fenced construction site that he knew kept their keys on hand. All they needed now was a way to get past the geeks. So the streets it was, after all.

Diana chewed on the inside of her cheek, trying to think of a plan. She had to do something, what good was she if all she did was stand around like nothing, doing nothing, being nothing.

What if she tried the sniper approach to cover their backs while they made a run for it?

No, there were too many flaws in that plan. First, she’d never shot at such a distance, who knew if her aim would be accurate, she’d be putting them in danger. Second, that meant she’d have to stay behind on the roof and wait for them to come get her. Third, how the hell would they do that without drawing geeks to her location? Fourth, the inevitable tidal wave at the storefront; she’d be stuck on the roof or worse.

Diana shook her head and dispersed that plan. She tuned in on the brainstorming session.

“They can tell us by smell?” the Sheriff asked.

“They smell dead, we don’t. It’s pretty distinct,” Andrea responded with a disgusted grimace.

Ooooh _._ Diana could see where his train of thought was leading. Bless you, Apocalypse Cowboy, and your disturbing mind.

“So we camouflage, right?” Diana concluded for the Sheriff while pointing at him, “We gotta smell like them.”

He pointed back at her with a pleased quirk of his lips and led them down to the store. There he relayed to them his thoughts. “Like she said, if we smell like them, they won’t be able to distinguish _us_ from _them_.”

“Or, you know, think Schwarzenegger in Predator,” Diana told Glenn, who shook his head in disbelief, “but with less mud and more guts.” She ended with a sheepish shrug.

Glenn made a gagging sound. Diana grabbed some pairs of rubber gloves and shoved them in his arms to distract him from the imagery.

“Really? I knew you were the worst at plans, but if bad ideas were an Olympic event, this would take the gold,” Glenn complained, pulling a disgusted face.

“Hey, he thought of it, I just said it out loud,” Diana excused herself while pointing at the Sheriff over her shoulder.

They dressed in lab coat-like garbs and put rubber gloves on. Then they made their way to the backroom that led to the barricaded alley. Diana could tell their lack of enthusiasm by their gait.

The Sheriff and Morales ran outside to grab the geek he and T-Dog had killed while Andrea and Glenn stood guard at the door.

Diana peeked her head outside and saw the other two live ones shuffling and limping in their direction, attracted by the prospect of a fresh meal.

She waited until Morales and the Sheriff dragged the geek inside and slid out the door before they’d close it.

“Diana? What the hell are you doing?” came Glenn’s panicked hushed voice.

This was the best time to test herself. Moving target practice feat. live geeks. Daryl would be proud.

Once they spotted her, they grew even more restless, her human smell ripe in the air. Diana stopped in her tracks, her feet turning to lead and her heart plummeting to her stomach.

She felt scared, but maybe her exposure to zombie movies B.A. desensitized her to them, or she was straight out dissociating from herself because even though she was scared, she wasn’t terrified. She didn’t feel the existential dread that came from facing your own mortality.

Despite their dangling jowls and bloody rotten snapping teeth, they weren’t that frightening to her, at least not as frightening as the mob at their doors.

Diana swore she couldn’t understand herself sometimes.

She swallowed around the lump in her throat, hearing the others call her name again. She took a slow step and then another, resuming her stalk towards her target. She powered through the shaking of her hands and raised her bow. With a steady draw, the geek closest to her fell in a heap of decaying flesh at her feet at first shot.

Diana skipped over it and continued.

She drew another arrow.

The last geek was less than seven feet in front of her.

“Diana!” Glenn called once more, urging her to return, and Morales’ voice joined him.

She heard rushed footsteps coming up behind her, but she stood still, bow and arrow ready. When the geek was within grabbing distance of her, she released the string and the creature flew backward with the blow, an arrow protruding from its sunken eye socket.

“Hey!” She was grabbed by the shoulder and turned around.

“I did it,” Diana whispered breathlessly. Her disbelieving smile contrasted deeply to Glenn’s angry brow and concerned eyes.

“Don’t do that again!” Glenn’s grip tightened on her upper arms.

“Glenn, I killed them,” she said emphatically and grabbed onto the side of his neck. Her legs felt weak for some reason. He was not happy with her at all but she only felt a tiny bit bad about that. This was a personal accomplishment and nothing could take that joy from her.

Those two had been an easy start. They were nothing compared to what lied beyond that bus, but now she knew what she could do.

There was a strange power that came with that. She’d felt such a surge of self-confidence when the two creatures dropped at her feet. There was no point in being afraid of something that could so easily be defeated with a draw of her bowstring. And what other reason was there to justify her having found the bow? This is what she was meant to be doing.

There was that coping strategy again, trying to bring her mind some sense of purpose.

“Glenn, I don’t think I’m scared anymore,” she said to him while he took her by the arm and rushed her back inside, to the midst of the others’ staring eyes. She was almost sure her knees were knocking together, and her heart was beating so fast; it almost drowned out her voice.

“That’s the adrenaline talking, alright? It’s okay to be afraid sometimes, fear makes you cautious and being cautious keeps you alive, okay?” Glenn tried to meet her wandering eyes. “Diana, look at me, I don’t want to see you do something reckless and get hurt.”

Diana shook her head. “You don’t gotta look at me like that. I’m not insane. I’m not just gonna go out all ‘pew, pew, pew’, yeah?” She did finger guns to emulate the action. “I know my limits, Glenn. I know I’m not invincible. I’m just saying… I can help out.” She looked at the Sheriff, asking for his thoughts.

He pursed his lips and looked away in contemplation. When his gaze returned to her, he nodded. “We could use your skill out there if things go wrong. And you wouldn’t be alone.”

“I agree,” said Morales. He rubbed his forehead and winced. “Don’t tell your parents I said that.”

Diana pointed a finger gun at him with a wink, feeling too ecstatic for her own good. Glenn was probably right about the adrenaline.

“Now let’s do this.” The Sheriff asked Diana to use her bow to break through the glass of an emergency case with an ax inside, which he retrieved.

The group stood around the body. The smell was already horrible – stagnant in the air – but still not as nauseating as the smell of hundreds of geeks, the entire city reeked of a thousand garbage trucks piled together. Compared to that, this corpse smelled of roses.

The Sheriff raised the ax over his head to swing down on it, making everyone flinch away, but he hesitated and stopped. He knelt down and began searching the body, and found a wallet. Going through it, the Sheriff told them about ‘Wayne Dunlap’ and that they should take a moment to appreciate what he was about to do for them.

Diana thought this was worse. Pretending this decayed thing had never been like one of them would, in her mind, make it easier to do what they were about to do. Humanizing them made it harder, made it something to be guilty about.

She didn’t want to feel guilty for surviving. A geek was a geek and had always been one; it was easier that way.

“One more thing,” said Glenn, looking at its driving’s license, “he was an organ donor.”

Diana snorted and everyone looked at her in astonishment. “I just think it’s ironically appropriate,” she justified.

Jacqui shook her head minutely at her. Diana lifted a shoulder.

Then the Sheriff brought the ax down. He separated the limbs by the joints messily, dragging them across the floor, leaving a dark red trail. He swung down on its abdomen and it spilled open, rotten viscera clinging to the ax as he dragged it out.

The stink was foul like nothing Diana had ever experienced before, in her short nursing career or otherwise.

Her face twisted and she covered her nose and mouth with the inside of her elbow. She watched the blood and gunk splatter across the floor and paint it a chunky dark red. She winced into her arm, but remained undisturbed otherwise; the smell might be dreadful, but gore she could handle.

She heard Morales call out in Spanish and it made her think of her squeamish mother. How she would say similar things whenever she saw anything that looked even remotely like innards. The woman couldn’t even stand watching ‘Grey’s Anatomy’.

The Sheriff entrusted Morales with continuing the job and took a small break. He leaned away and breathed shallowly through his mouth. Diana preferred taking the stink by breathing through her nose than having the smell molecules of that nasty thing touch the inside of her mouth.

Glenn bent over at the waist with a groan and Diana rubbed his back compassionately. “Oh, I’m so gonna hurl.”

“Later,” the Sheriff said.

“Just pretend it’s a- a practice dummy, with fake insides,” Diana encouraged, but Glenn just gagged and raised his hand for her to say no more.

Morales kept at it, opening the abdominal cavity wider, chopped up organs spilling out with every raise of the ax. Once it was deemed enough, the Sheriff gave them the instructions and started smearing his lab coat with the foul-smelling gunk.

Diana helped with Glenn, whispering awkward words of comfort to him the entire time.

When the Sheriff told them to think of puppies and kittens, all it did was make it worse. Diana gagged, her mind immediately imagining it was the viscera of said animals she was rubbing on her friend.

“Oh God,” Diana groaned and took shallow breaths.

Once Glenn was all smeared up, Jacqui came to her and started helping her. Andrea whispered another apology for her outburst before she and Jacqui started covering her in goo and sludge.

Diana told herself she could do it without throwing up. She was – or had been – a professional in the field of health, a student, mind you, but a professional student nonetheless. She could take this.

Then, Glenn turned around and threw up and Diana almost sobbed in near despair, her ecstasy completely gone.

Andrea and Jacqui stopped to admonish the Sheriff for his horrible plan. Diana interjected, saying technically she’d been the one to voice it.

They didn’t say anything to that, only gave the Sheriff the side-eye and continued smearing goop onto her.

Andrea dropped a severed hand in her pocket with an apologetic look, while Jacqui scooped a handful of innards and put it in her other pocket. “I’m sorry, honey,” she told her.

“Yeah, I’m starting to feel sorry, too,” Diana breathed between her pursed lips. This was nothing like Schwarzenegger in Predator, this was the Double-R-rated version of that.

“Do we smell like them?” the Sheriff asked, spreading his arms and turning his face away.

Andrea nodded, her face twisted in disgust. “Oh, yeah.” She tucked her gun into Glenn’s jeans, saying it was just in case.

“If we make it back, be ready,” affirmed the Sheriff, and looked each of them in the eye.

Diana didn’t like that ‘if’. But she was not about to back down now.

T-Dog spoke up with a clenched jaw, “What about Merle Dixon?”

Diana nodded at him. “Yeah, as much a jackass he may be, he’s coming back with us,” she said, more for Daryl’s sake than her own.

The Sheriff nodded at her, understanding, and dug out the key to the handcuffs from his pants pocket. He tossed it to T-Dog, who caught it and nodded tensely.

Then he asked Morales for the ax, saying they needed more guts, and everyone groaned in protest and repugnance.

Once they were significantly more greased up and more rank and putrid than ever, body parts hanging from their shoulders like scarves, the three finally stepped outside.

The door closing behind them rang in Diana’s ears like a gong. Her hand tightened on the bow.

The Sheriff nodded at her and Glenn to advance. Seeing as the two other geeks had been killed beforehand, they jogged up to the bus, careful not to jostle and displace their adornments, and slowly crawled under it.

Diana could see their dragging feet and hear the massiveness of their silent noise. She took a moment under that bus to breathe deeply and mentally prepare herself for what they were about to do.

They emerged on the other side, expecting the worse. When no geek took notice of them, Diana released the breath she’d been holding and shared an ever so slightly relieved look with Glenn. The three of them began limping through the masses, mimicking them.

Without the thirst for the hunt powering them, the geeks were almost languid; leisurely and mindlessly strolling around, searching without searching.

Diana looked to the right without moving her head, down at a female that pulled herself forward by the arms on the asphalt. She stopped and looked up at her with rigid movements. One of her eye sockets was empty and her scalp had been ripped off by her left ear. Diana snapped her eyes away, keeping them solely on target.

Her shoulders tensed and she gripped her bow like a lifeline. Navigating through the sea of enemies, knowing that at any given chance they could sense her scent and attack, made her heart and gut clench tightly. She’d been wrong, she’d been oh-so-wrong; she was still very much terrified.

The sky darkened even more, clouds rolling in, heavy with thunder. Diana could almost see what would happen if they opened up and it came pouring down on them. Her heart fluttered and she suppressed a sob.

Their walk was agonizingly long. Her nose had already become numb to the stink, but even if it hadn’t, she wouldn’t even have noticed it in her state of inner panic.

There were so many dead eyes, sunken in their eye sockets looking at her without seeing her, and gaunt faces with flayed cheeks and exposed bone, mouths snapping open and closed sporadically. So many bloody teeth and long nails ready to scratch and tear.

Diana’s bow sent wave after wave of a relaxing thrum, but it didn’t do much. She was too focused on her surroundings, too scared to take her eyes off anything that moved, too alert to the groans of the dead to notice anything else.

She knew the Sheriff and Glenn were by her side, but she felt so alone.

She continued shuffling along the street, trying to mentally talk some courage into herself while dreading the surely oncoming rain.

Then it started. First a small pitter patter, and then thunder roared over their heads and it came upon them in a downpour.

Her baby hairs glued onto her forehead, and Diana saw chunks of gunk rolling off her garb, the dried blood and guts slowly washing away with the water, cleansing her at the worst possible moment.

A geek in front of them with a missing cheek that exposed his molars starting sniffing around them. She saw Glenn flinch away. More surrounding them started snarling, detecting their smell which awakened their hunger.

“Oh God, oh God,” Diana mumbled, her pulse spiking through the roof. She heard the Sheriff say the smell may be washing off.

No shit!

Just as he did, a geek lunged at him. He buried the ax into its head and yelled at her and Glenn to run.

And run she fucking did.

She wanted to at least attempt to shoot whatever was in their way, to clear a path, but the rainwater in her eyes blurred her vision and her aim. She decided it wasn’t worth the try if it would only slow her down.

Diana ran. She used her bow as a staff and knocked away the geeks that came at her. Her lungs were beginning to burn, her throat tightening around the incoming air, and the urge to cry only became bigger. She didn’t want to die like this.

She followed Glenn, knowing the Sheriff was close behind and so were the masses hunting them. They came up to the fence and despite never having climbed one this high before, Diana was up and on the other side of it before the Devil could blink.

Fear-fueled parkour, one could say.

Once they were all on the other side, they disposed of their useless garbs and continued the run. Despite the wheezing of her breath, Diana didn’t slow down until she reached the truck.

“Hurry, fucking hurry!” she yelled at the Sheriff, bouncing on the balls of her feet, as he shot at some of the geeks climbing the fence. These bitches could climb? What the hell happened to normal useless zombies? It’s all edginess nowadays.

“Rick!” Glenn called and tossed the man the key he’d retrieved from somewhere.

Rick? That was his name? She’d been mentally calling him Sheriff all this time, maybe she’d missed the introduction.

Diana climbed into the passenger seat as soon as the door was unlocked. Glenn climbed hurriedly onto her lap while Rick took the driver’s spot and jammed the key into the ignition.

A geek ran up to their window, slamming its hands against it. Glenn yelled at Rick to go while Diana yelped shamefully and hid her face against his back.

Rick reversed and maneuvered the truck out of the construction site, leaving the horde behind.

Diana and Glenn switched positions and she was sitting on his lap, grabbing onto the ceiling for support with Glenn’s arms around her middle securing her.

“Oh my God. Oh my God. They're all over that place,” Glenn lamented. Diana felt his hold on her tighten and she put a hand over his.

Diana faced Rick, her breathlessness showing in her hoarse voice. “We need to go back to the store, how do we do that without drawing them to us?”

He looked at her, pursed his lips and then spoke, “We need noise to lure them away. Those roll-up doors at the front of the store – that area? That's what I need cleared.” Glenn started to protest, but Rick didn’t let him. “Raise your friends. Tell them to get down there and be ready.”

“Ho-how am I drawing them away? I missed that part.”

Rick stopped the truck when he spotted a red sports car and nodded in its direction. He killed the engine and everyone hesitantly climbed out, minding their surroundings. “You’ll use this.”

Rick smashed the window of the car and the alarm started blaring in all directions.

Diana winced at the noise and said to Glenn, “I’m going with you.” He was always being chosen to face danger for everyone’s sakes, she wanted to make sure he wasn’t alone for all of it. That was why she constantly volunteered to accompany him.

Glenn widened his eyes at her. “What?!”

“No, you’re not. You’ll be safer with me,” Rick said after Glenn’s exclamation.

Diana glared from one to the other. “Okay, first of all, why is everyone always telling me what to do? For real? I am not a child and you’re not my parents. I said I’m going with Glenn and that is final,” she shouted above the noise.

Glenn looked around at the geeks slowly being drawn out of their resting places and nodded quickly. “Okay, fine, just hurry.”

Rick returned to the truck. Glenn and Diana climbed into the sports car and Glenn drove away, speeding and bringing the engine to a roar.

He drove recklessly behind the truck, swerving at every curve. He handed her the walkie-talkie. “Here, tell them where to go.”

Diana took it, feeling her heart race at the pressure of responsibility and the adrenaline. She raised the device, pressed the button and spoke into it, “Guys-uh, listen up! Meet us down by the roll-up doors at the front of the store, alright? Hurry, we’ll be there.”

Glenn put his foot to the pedal and passed Rick’s truck. Diana winced at the piercing noise of the alarm, but it was working. The geeks were attracted by the sound and paid no mind to the truck.

They sped past the storefront before Glenn backed up and stopped.

The tidal wave was fast on them. Glenn and Diana shared a fearful look. She flinched away from the ones banging on her windows, her hands steadfast around her weapon.

“Come one, come on,” Glenn murmured.

“Glenn…” Diana warned, pulling on his shirt to get him out of reach of the geeks at his broken window. “ _Foda-se!_ ”

“I know, it’s alright.” He started driving in reverse, luring the walkers with them, away from the store. “Get closer, get closer. Come on.”

Then he turned them around and sped away with the growling geeks hot on their wheels, leaving the street empty for Rick to pick up their group.

Diana pivoted to look behind to see them losing the others, leaving them to grasp at air.

She faced forward, suddenly lax in her seat, melting into the hot leather. She only hoped Rick got them out in time.

She sighed deeply, feeling her lungs deplete of air. It was over, they were out of there. She was going back to her family as she promised.

Glenn chuckled over the noise and Diana looked at him. The joy on his face was undeniable and she joined him, a few disbelieving snickers at first until both burst out in laughter.

Soon, they were speeding away down the empty lanes. The scenery rushing by and the city on the rearview mirror. Laughing and whooping and grasping each other’s hand in relief and reckless joy and the rush of adrenaline from the successful execution of their stupidly dangerous getaway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the reveaaaaal! or, you know, partial reveal
> 
> with the time pressure, there were a lot of things that were left unsaid, a lot of burning questions that Diana really is gonna love to avoid
> 
>  
> 
> **please leave a comment! I really wanna read about about your thoughts on this! ILY**


	25. safety is overrated

oOo

They were almost at the Quarry. After the adrenaline had trickled down on the ride over, Diana had started worrying. Had everyone gotten out safely? What would her parents say when they found out about how much danger she’d been in? How would the survivors react now that her secret was out? Would it spread? Would she have to bring justifications? Would she be ostracized?

She had many anxieties over that matter.

The rush of air whipped her hair in front of her face. Diana curled it behind her ear and looked out the rolled down window at the sparkling waters of the lake. She was enjoying the scenery until her stomach started turning and clenching due to Glenn’s carefree and nausea inducing driving around every curve.

She slapped a hand over her belly and glared at Glenn. “Can you stop that? I know you’re doing it on purpose, man, it’s not funny.” She felt something rise up her esophagus. “I _will_ puke on you, Glenn, I ain’t warning you twice.”

Glenn laughed, then shouted over the blaring of the alarm, “You’re such a spoil sport, Diana.” He started driving straight nonetheless, a teasing smile on his lips. “That better?”

“Yeah, much. Thanks, stupid-ass.” Diana pouted to hide a smile.

Glenn snickered at her irritability. He drove up the entrance road and into camp where many people were already there to receive them. Among them was Shane, whose stalk in their direction and deep furrow of his brow could only indicate trouble for them.

Diana rolled her eyes at the sight of him. The alarm in her ears made it easy to guess what his scowl was about. It annoyed her because she agreed with him this time.

She and Glenn climbed out of the car. It was even louder from the outside and Dale was shouting at Glenn to shut it off.

There was a confusing jumble of noises. Shane demanding the hood to be popped, Amy drilling Glenn about her sister’s whereabouts and wellbeing, the car alarm resounding in her head. The amalgamation made everything seem to spin.

Diana huffed with nausea and bent at the waist while grabbing on to the roof of the car. “ _Ah Dios mío_ ,” she mumbled under her breath.

She walked around the front of the car and shoved the borrowed machete into Shane’s grip. “I didn’t need it,” she informed without sparing him a glance and shouldering her bow purposefully. Then, she turned to Amy, whose eyes were wide like she was on the verge of tears. “Andrea’s fine, alright? Everyone made it out safely.”

Jim finally turned off the alarm by disconnecting something under the hood of the car. It engulfed them in welcomed relative silence and Diana heard Amy ask, “Is that true, is she okay? Is she alive?”

“Sweet baby Jesus, am I that questionable?” Diana mumbled and rolled her eyes half-heartedly.

She heard her name being yelled in her native tongue and was almost thrown off her feet by a large body colliding into her. She was enveloped in strong arms that she recognized all too well. “ _Pai? Hey you, I’m okay, man, I’m okay_ ,” she said from above his shoulder.

She put her arms around his middle and patted his back comfortingly. She heard her dad sigh deeply, a shuddered, emotional sigh that prickled Diana’s heart. “ _Hey, I’m back in one piece, nothing’s missing. I’m fine, I’m safe.”_

He finally let go and held her at arm’s length. His face wasn’t zealous with hazel-green eyes bright because his daughter’s safe return – like she’d expected – instead, the lines of his face were hardened, accentuating his age. A frown deepened his crow’s feet and the crease between his brow. He looked aged with worry and ire.

“ _You’re never stepping foot out of my fucking sight again, you hear me?_ ” Sam said and clenched his jaw. His eyes bored into hers, almost as if imbedding his words into her brain.

Diana swallowed hard and chuckled sheepishly. “ _C’mon, it wasn’t that ba_ -”

“ _Never_ ,” he interrupted. His hold on her upper arms tightened to the point it hurt.

She winced but didn’t say anything to either acknowledge or deny his command. She let her face go blank and pulled away from his hold with a senseless nod.

“ _Diana, cariño! Graças a Deus, you’re safe, you’re here,”_ came Irene’s sentimental voice. She, too, hugged Diana fiercely, like only a mother could. Then she whispered in her ear, “ _We’ll talk later._ ”

Diana swallowed drily again, knowing she was facing a shitstorm, and nodded dolefully.

Fortunately for her, the other survivors had been too occupied worrying over whether or not the wailing alarm would draw walkers to their location to notice the interactions.

Felix and Alice joined them shortly after. They were more interested in the tale of her adventure and whether she’d brought them anything than celebrating her safety. It was a nice change.

“-It wouldn't hurt you to think things through a little more carefully next time, would it?” Dale asked, wide eyes and bushy brows. He pointed an accusatory finger at Glenn, whose face dropped.

Glenn apologized, shrinking in on himself. Diana frowned and cleared her throat. “Actually, Dale, the idea came from this new guy we met, real Class-A dude. He looked like some kinda Apocalypse Cowboy, but like, way cooler.”

“And also, I got a cool car out of it,” Glenn defended with a lopsided grin. He gestured proudly at the red and dusty sports car. Diana gestured grandly as well to help his cause. I mean, it was missing a window, but it still looked awesome.

Dale shrugged with a tilt of his head, agreeing half-heartedly.

The engine of the truck with the rest of the survivors was heard as it pulled up at the entrance of the camp. Everyone’s attention deviated toward it as they looked on in silence and anticipation.

Diana glanced around their reception committee with her dad’s arm heavy around her shoulders. Amy was bouncing on the balls of her feet, craning her neck as her blonde hair cascaded down her upper back. She was so pretty. Miranda Morales and her kids with eyes full of hope as she kissed the tops of their heads.

Their families were coming back after a close call with death and they couldn’t wait another second to have them back in their arms. Diana leaned into her dad and slipped her hand into her mom’s.

There was someone missing, though. Daryl’s absence stood out with an alert. She’d expected him to be there to welcome back his brother, and her, if she was being completely honest with herself. She thought that since they hadn’t seen each other off that morning, he’d be there to welcome her back.

It was no wonder people thought what they did regarding their relationship. She wondered if either Glenn or Daryl knew about those supposed rumors. Glenn had kept silent about the confrontation back in the city.

Whatever! There were other things that mattered more than that at this moment.

She tore her eyes away from Andrea and Amy’s relieved embrace and whispered to the kids, “You seen Daryl?”

Alice shrugged with an ‘I dunno’ sound. She left Diana’s side at Glenn’s beckon to come hug him. He enveloped her in a bear hug that made them sway and Alice laughed. Diana didn’t even try to deny her jealousy.

Felix raised an eyebrow at Diana’s questioning look. “The hell should I know? I don’t have a Dixon GPS.”

“ _Oh God, look at the poor kid_ ,” Irene lamented. She tugged on Diana’s hand for her attention and gestured with her head to Carl. “ _It’s so sad._ ”

The little boy’s chin was shaking on the verge of tears, Lori was kneeling in front of him, expression heartbroken as she once again had to tell her son that his father wouldn’t be coming back.

Sam pulled Diana’s head down to kiss the top of it and then pulled Irene to himself. Her arms went around his middle in near desperation. Diana untangled herself from them to offer some privacy.

“You are a welcome sight,” said Dale to Morales as the two men hugged and shared a joyful laugh. “I thought we had lost you folks for sure.”

Shane tuned in, asking Diana, “Y’all said something about someone new? Who gave you the authority to bring a stranger into our camp?”

Diana raised an incredulous brow. “I did,” she spat out, heart racing with suddenly spiking adrenaline. It was a blatant lie and she didn’t know why she’d blurted it out, but it seemed like she never had enough of provoking Shane. “Glenn helped him out of a tight spot and then he volunteered to put his ass on the line to get us all out safe and sound. In my eyes, that makes him worthy of coming back with us to this stupid camp. I don’t need your authorization.”

She was being unnecessarily insubordinate and borderline childish. But she just couldn’t stop. She heard Felix ‘ooooh’ under his breath at her side.

Morales cut through the tension and distracted Shane’s dark clouded eyes from hers. He told him, “Yeah, crazy Vato just got into town.” His arms were around his smiling wife and children. He shouted out in the truck’s direction, “Hey, helicopter boy. Come say hello.”

Diana heard the thud of the door being slammed closed. T-Dog was explaining to Shane that Rick was also a cop and then the man himself made his appearance.

He looked exhausted, his gait was subdued and his face was dull with the taste of grief. Diana remembered what he’d said to Merle about being on the search for his wife and child. She felt for him, putting herself in his shoes.

When he looked up, he changed completely. His expression went from sorrow to disbelief and finally to the features of a man about to cry from overwhelming happiness in 0.1 seconds.

Diana frowned in confusion and followed his line of sight across the field and saw Shane, who looked like he’d just seen a geek turn back human. Her eyes landed on Lori and Carl. The kid’s teary blue eyes sparkled with unbound joy as if his entire being had been filled to the brim with everything good left in the world.

He up and started running towards Rick, like an overexcited puppy. He almost tripped over his own two feet several times, all the while calling out to his ‘dad’.

“ _Ay, Cristo, don’t tell me that’s his father?_ ” Irene commented, astounded. “ _Lord help me. This looks straight out of a telenovela_.”

“Oh, fuck me,” Diana whispered back as Rick stumbled towards Lori, crying with Carl’s limbs fast around him in a koala embrace. Lori looked like she was toeing the line between panic and incredulous happiness.

“ _Scheeeeisse_ , weren’t she and _Testículo esquerdo_ screwing, though?” Alice asked as she rejoined her family, louder than necessary. Felix snickered and bumped her outstretched fist.

“ _I thought those two were together_ ,” Sam commented while frowning in confusion down at his wife.

Irene raised both eyebrows with a knowing look. “ _You and everyone else, ‘mor_.”

It was very obvious and they weren’t exactly subtle. Lori could blabber on all she wanted about him being a close family friend and whatnot, but there was no hiding the sudden disappearances and the bedroom eyes whenever they were in each other’s close vicinity. One only had to have two eyes on their face to see it. Or one. Even one was enough.

It really was like a telenovela. Not to mention that Diana had once caught them kissing in the forest as she was making her way to her rendezvous with Daryl, so she had definitive proof.

And once again she realized that the same way she’d speculated about them probably paralleled how many speculated about her and her supposed active love life. What a double-edged sword.

The reunion was very beautiful and emotional on all sides, even if there were many contrasting emotions involved. And while Diana was happy for them and whatever, it was easy to grow tired of it.

She really wanted Daryl to be there. She knew he’d make an inappropriate joke about the situation, the kind that she’d have to hide her laughter because of how ill-timed it was. She caught herself beginning to smile just imagining it in his voice.

Putting her attention elsewhere, she noticed they’d come back one person short. Diana joined Glenn while craning her neck to make sure she hadn’t just simply missed him. “Hey, d’you see Merle anywhere?”

“Dixon? Who cares about that asshole?” Glenn shrugged and turned to Diana with wide eyes and pointing over his shoulder. “Can you believe that Rick is Lori’s husband? I mean, the coincidence, you know? And we helped do this, how awesome is that?” he asked in astonishment.

Diana rolled her eyes good-naturedly and glanced at Shane’s less than stoked state. “Yeah, it’s totally amazing, man, but uh- seriously, where’s Merle at?”

Glenn realized her genuine concern with a raised of his brow. She retributed with a face that said ‘believe me, it’s not for my own sake, he could get run over by a truck for all I care’. Somehow Glenn got it.

The novelty of Lori’s reunion with her husband wore off and the survivors moved on, going back into the camp. Diana told her mom she’d be right with them and received a stern look in return. She joined Glenn as he called out to T-Dog, who trailed at the end. “Hey man, you seen Dixon around somewhere?”

“Merle,” Diana added with a gesture of her hands, “I haven’t seen him.”

The wrinkle between T-Dog’s brows and the downward tug of his lips were answer enough. Diana felt her gut twist. Sweat broke out at her hairline.

“You kidding me, right?” she asked. T-Dog looked up at her meaningfully. “Okay, you’re not, huh? What happened?”

His jaw clenched and he looked off to the side. “I dropped the damn key down the drain.” His eyes were sincere on Diana’s. “I didn’t mean to, Diana, I just tripped.”

“Shit. Okay, cool cool cool cool,” Diana breathed out, channeling her inner Jake Peralta. She chewed on the inside of her cheek in pensiveness. She cleared her throat and said to him, “It’s alright. I believe you, man. It just doesn’t make the situation any less complicated.”

Glenn laid a hand on her shoulder. “Why’re you making such a big deal out of it? After all the nasty things he said to you, what he did to T-Dog, what he almost cost us… I’d say it’s righteous punishment.”

“Glenn, c’mon, I know you don’t mean that. He’s an ignorant piece of shit who runs his mouth more than he should, but he’s still a human being. Although barely,” she added with a quirk of her brow. “But more important to me, he’s my friend’s brother and we just left his only family handcuffed to a roof with a 100% chance of dying from death by zombie!” Diana grabbed her belly, churning with anxious anticipation. “ _Ay_ _mami, today’s the day I throw up my guts_.”

Glenn sucked air through his teeth with a grimace and glanced at her and T-Dog. “She’s right. Daryl’s gonna be pissed and that’s a gross understatement.”

T-Dog turned to Diana, looking sure of himself. He said, “I chained the door closed, there’s less of a chance that geeks got to him.”

Glenn gestured with his hands. “Great. See,” he said to Diana, “there’s a chance he’s still alive.”

Diana tilted her head. A locked door could buy him some time. But that was only the half of it. She huffed. “Okay, a chance, that’s good. But that’s only part of the problem. You know, ‘cause while we brought Rick and Lori and Carl together, we also tore Daryl away from his last living relative. You know how shitty that is?” T-Dog and Glenn shared a look that implied indifference. “Okay, know what? Forget about it.”

She turned on her heel and stalked away, back to home camp, while ignoring Glenn’s sighed calls with a heavy heart.

oOo

The spoils of their scavenging were unloaded and divided accordingly. The medical supplies were given to Diana’s responsibility.

She tossed her dad a pack of Metformin pills and told them of how she’d disclosed her secret. She sat down with her family and told them of her insecurities and anxieties.

Her parents comforted her by reminding her of the inner strength she possessed. They said that what others said and thought wouldn’t matter if she knew who she was and believed in herself. It was a nice sentiment, even if not very realistic to her.

The moment was accompanied by Alice whining about the lame sappiness of it all.

Eventually, they moved on to a thorough interrogation regarding the run. Probably to have grounds to back up their arguments against her volunteering to go on one ever again. With that thought in mind, Diana omitted every dangerous stunt that she’d done.

She even went as far as to say it had been pretty boring, with the clear exception of their getaway. But even then, she managed to evade some trick questions and say she’d remained in the sidelines for most, if not all, of the action.

Even so, Sam and Irene still forbade her from going to the city again and gave her a ten-minute lecture about parents knowing better and her being irresponsibly reckless and blah blah blah. She tuned out for most of it, letting herself respond automatically when a nod or a murmur of agreement was appropriate.

Diana was tired of being treated like this.

Dinner wasn’t much better. The atmosphere was heavy and quiet.

Deep in thought, her mind went to Daryl. It was late and he wasn’t back from his hunt yet. Worse than that, he’d raise hell once he came back and discovered that his brother had been left behind. He’d blame it on her for letting it happen and he’d never speak to her again, she just knew it…

To be fair, Diana knew her thoughts were probably anxiety-induced, but they were so overwhelming that they weighed down on her conscience even more.

Evening fell, the sky turning into a palette of inky navy and indigo. The stars were beautiful and bright, and Diana couldn’t help thinking about the night before. Her eyes stopped reading midsentence as she was caught in the physical memory of Daryl’s body heat at her back, his breath on her neck and the burning touch of his skin on hers.

The fire in the pit crackled loudly, making her blink out of her reverie. She blamed her flushed cheeks on her proximity to the flames and turned her back to them.

Irene interrupted her conversation with her husband to ask, “ _Diana? You alright, mija?_ ”

Diana gave them a weak smile over her shoulder and nodded. “ _Yeah, it’s just a little too hot for me._ ”

“ _Go on inside and catch some sleep_ ,” Sam added and motioned to the tent with his head.

She waved her hand in dismissal and furrowed her brow. “ _Nah, I’m alright._ ” Even though she was actually feeling exhausted, she had too much in her head to fall asleep immediately.

She stared emptily at ‘The Passage’, which she’d been on the process of rereading, and her eyes wandered thoughtlessly toward the main camp. She could see the orange glow of their fire. She worried the inside of her cheek between her teeth. They could be talking about her this very instant… a thought that toed between the narcissistic and the paranoid.

They could be commenting on what she could do, spreading rumors with their insufficient knowledge of the matter. It had happened before, on another subject, and today’s events would only add more fuel to the flame.

The curiosity was eating at her. She dog-eared the book and tossed it on top of the blanket Felix and Alice were sitting on, competitively playing round after round of UNO. Diana had found a Star Wars deck at the store, so plus point for that.

Alice scoffed at the book that had fallen near her lap and raised an eyebrow at Diana. “That could’ve injured me fatally. You better watch yourself before I wreck you…rself,” she finished with a confused nose scrunch at her own words.

Felix perked up. “Unrelated, but are you gonna go pee? ‘Cause I gotta go real bad.”

Diana stood and shrugged in bafflement with narrowed eyes and a furrowed brow. “Then why don’t you just go?”

“Because it’s dark out and the toilet is on the other side of camp,” Felix responded like it was the most logical thing he’d ever spoken.

“Then go in the woods,” Diana said while gesturing at the looming darkness of the forest behind their home camp.

Felix stared blankly at her and then lifted one disbelieving shoulder. “Do you even hear the words outta your mouth sometimes?”

She stared back, unblinking, and then turned to Sam and Irene, “ _Okay. Mami, pai, I’mma go do some espionage work real quick. Be right back._ ”

“ _Espionage?_ ” Sam repeated with a frown. Irene put a hand on his arm and shook her head, signaling that it was better to not even question it.

“ _Just be back before we go to bed_ ,” she told her with a wagging finger.

“I’m going with you, ‘cause I’m fucking bored,” Alice said as she gathered the deck and stood. She looked at Felix over her shoulder with a smirk. “Full offense.”

“Boi, I just wanna go take a wizz without getting attacked for it,” Felix sighed and swung himself forward and up to a stand.

Diana sighed back, “Fine. Come along, little ducklings, follow momma duck.”

They ventured not far into the woods behind their home camp, quacking at each other and chuckling and shushing one another. Felix did his thing while his sisters watched his back. When they came back, Diana gestured towards main camp to wordlessly inform their parents.

A nod of acknowledgement and thirty seconds later, Diana, Alice, and Felix walked up to the edge of the group huddled around the fire. They overheard Rick’s voice dripping with sentiment, “-can’t tell you how grateful I am to you, Shane.” Lori smiled up at him in his arms. There was something bitter in her smile.

Alice snickered and whispered, “ _Yeah, for fucking your wife in your absence._ ” She and Felix bumped fists.

Diana whacked her side and shushed her.

She tightened her red hoodie around herself and cleared her throat gently. The ones who had yet to notice their approach looked up by then. Short greetings were exchanged between both parties. She bounced on the balls of her feet once and lifted a shoulder. “Mind if we join for a bit?”

Glenn immediately made space by his side. Dale spoke up, “Sure thing, sweetheart, make yourselves comfortable. We were discussing our new friend here and the dreadful times he’s been through.”

Diana sighed in relief internally. Hopefully that was all they’d discussed until now. She sat next to Glenn, Alice next to her and Felix on the ground leaning back against her legs.

A little farther away, Ed ‘the Pig’ Peletier did some shit that he wasn’t supposed to and Shane shot up and stormed over.

Diana couldn’t help but feel pity for Carol and Sophia. To share a bed with such a disgusting man must be a special kind of hell, and to share his blood, another.

Glenn leaned toward her, breaking her line of vision and pulling her out of her thoughts. Shadows danced on his illuminated face and he whispered, “Diana, look, I’m… I’m sorry about earlier. With everything that’s going on, I should’ve realized that-”

“It’s alright,” Diana interrupted with a forced smile. Except it was not alright.

She didn’t want to feel bitter over it, but she couldn’t help it when almost every single person around that fire held the Dixons in such low regard. She could stand with them when it came to Merle. He was white trash with probably zero known redeemable qualities.

Daryl was not his brother. But no matter what he did, they still put him in the same box as Merle. It didn’t matter that he was their most reliable supplier of meat or the best tracker or the most skilled hunter. No, it all meant squat to them, because they didn’t even give him a chance.

“No, it’s not alright,” Glenn persisted, “I’m pretty neutral on Dixon matters, but I know that Daryl means something to you. It’s obvious that you’d be upset on his behalf, that’s the kind of person you are.” He put a gentle hand on her forearm. “I’m sorry I didn’t bother to care on your behalf.”

She’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel moved. She’d reached ultimate friend goals, there’d be no finding anyone better than Glenn.

She smiled, genuinely this time, which made a twin smile blossom on Glenn’s lips. Diana touched her forehead to his and thanked him. Okay, she understood how the dating rumor had come to existence.

They parted and heard Alice whisper, “You’re both disgusting.” She had a grimace on her face, but it was in good humor. Felix looked up at them and hummed in agreement.

Glenn leaned forward and said, “Jealousy looks really ugly on you.”

Alice pretended to flip her hair over her shoulder and prepared to say something, but Felix beat her to it. He scoffed and said, “Probably why I look dazzling all the time.”

Alice murmured something about spotlight-stealing-brothers. She curled her lip at the back of his head and lifted her hand as if she were going to backhand him.

Once Shane came back, Dale, ever the voice of reason, said what Diana had hoped would be acknowledged. “Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind.”

“Thank you,” she whispered to herself.

“I'll tell him. I dropped the key. It's on me,” T-Dog said. His jaw clenched when he glanced at Diana.

Rick pursed his lips and shook his head. He tightened his arms around Lori and Carl. “I cuffed him. That makes it mine.”

“Well, I clubbed him in the head,” Diana added with a bold roll of her eyes. “Where does that leave it?”

Glenn interrupted, “People, it's not a competition. I don't mean to bring race into this, but it might sound better coming from a white guy.”

“Or, you know, this black girl,” Diana said in near exasperation, “No offense to any of you, but you don’t know Daryl, not like I do.” She looked at Rick and then the others. “Don’t you think it might soften the blow coming from someone he trusts.”

“No. No offense, I don’t care if y’all really are hooking up or not, sis, but this isn’t your responsibility,” T-Dog opposed, sounding solemn. “I did what I did. Hell if I’m gonna hide from him.”

“I’m not saying this for any of your sakes,” Diana interjected. She didn’t care if it sounded insensitive. She sat straight as a board, heart thumping loudly. “I’m not telling you to hide from your actions or whatever. You can work over your guilty conscience some other time, T-Dog. I just think it’s important that such a piece of shitty news be delivered as delicately as possible, you know? For Daryl’s sake.”

“She could be right,” Dale commented. He looked Rick and T-Dog in the eye with that owlish knowing gaze of his. Both men offered no resistance.

Good! And not to overanalyze things, but why did it take Dale speaking up for her to have her opinion be acknowledged? Seemed kind of sexist.

“We could lie,” Amy chimed, her head perking up from her sister’s shoulder. Diana almost rolled her eyes at that.

Alice shook her head in disapproval. She murmured so only Diana would hear, “Normally, I’d say the same, but coming from someone else it sounds like the worst idea ever.”

“Or we could tell the truth,” Andrea provided, rectifying her sister, “Merle was out of control. Something had to be done or he'd have gotten us killed. We’re grateful to you, Diana, for what you did. And Lori, your husband only did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's.”

Diana found it better not to mention that her hitting Merle had been born more out of the need for catharsis than the intention of coming to anyone’s rescue.

Instead, she snorted. “Yeah, ‘cause that explanation will sit great with Daryl. I mean for real, you should try coming at him with that. I bet he’ll even thank you.” She shook her head with a cynical smile. “Andrea, put yourself in his shoes, what if it had been Amy who got left behind?”

Andrea’s gaze faltered away. “That’s different.”

“No to him. That’s his _brother_.” Diana leaned forward, one hand resting on top of Felix’s head, which he shook off.

“Once again, I have to agree.” Dale shook his head at Andrea, apologetically. “I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you?” He gave Andrea a pointed look, from which she turned away, defeated. “Word to the wise… We're gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt.”

T-Dog stared at the fire pensively. He shook his head and said, “I was scared and I ran, but I stopped long enough to chain that door.”

The others stared at him in surprise at the detail that he’d previously disclosed Diana and Glenn. “Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It's not enough to break through that. Not that chain, not that padlock. My point… Dixon's alive and he's still up there, handcuffed on that roof. That's on us.” He looked at Diana with a slight nod. Then he stood, pain in his features, and left.

oOo

“Don’t even think about it,” Alice warned as Diana squeezed her head through her pajama shirt. “Don’t even think about thinking about it.”

“What?” Diana asked innocently, hoping her face hadn’t betrayed anything.

Felix joined in, “You fucking know what, no use pretending to be all innocent. Knowing you like we do, you’re thinking about going back to the city.”

Diana huffed a cynical laugh. “And how’d you suggest I do that, smart boy? You guys know very well that I can’t drive. I ain’t gonna up and walk there like a cardio-loving loser.”

“Aha.” Alice pointed an accusatory finger at her. Diana snapped her jaw at it. “But you’re not denying it.”

Diana wiggled herself into her sleeping bag, avoiding her siblings’ incriminating gazes.

“Seriously, just don’t. Don’t be a fucking _Arschloch_. You don’t even know what _mãe_ and _pai_ went through while you were out there.” Felix provided, sitting down on his own bag.

“I know-” Diana began but was interrupted by Alice.

“No, no you don’t,” her voice was hard. “When we heard you guys were trapped, _mãe_ just fucking disappeared on us. We found her trying to drive off in T-Dog’s van. She was so angry, she punched Shane in the face when he dragged her out. I don’t know if you noticed the bruise.” She pointed to under her right eye. “Right there.”

Felix nodded gravely. “And _pai_. He was really pissed at first, you know how he is, cursing out the entire alphabet or some shit. Then, while we were waiting for an update, he started crying.”

Diana was shocked to hear that. It likely showed on her face, eyes wide and eyebrows halfway to her hairline.

Alice looked away with downturned eyes, her coiled hair hiding her somber face. Diana directed her gaze back to Felix, whose face mirrored Alice’s. “Remember the last time we saw him cry?” he asked with a small voice.

Diana nodded. She did. It was awful.

It occurred in the aftermath of a heavy argument that Felix had unintentionally instigated. It resulted in the boy threatening to jump down from their apartment’s balcony, saying he wished he didn’t exist, that he’d been an accident anyway.

Sam, in the rush of his anger and hurt, yelled at him to do so, see if he cared.

That had caused Irene to break down crying, shouting at him, asking how he could say such a thing to his own son.

The situation escalated further and further and evolved into an extremely emotional affair that had lasted through the evening and had brought everyone to tears. The exception being Alice, who had mediated the situation like a pro.

That was the first time any of the kids had seen Samuel cry. It had been heartbreaking to the point where it felt like they’d taken a literal knife to the chest.

“It was worse than that, so much-” Felix’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “He was so helpless. He-he… Don’t do that to him again, to neither of them.”

“Don’t be the asshole that breaks their hearts,” Alice provided. She tucked herself inside her bag, back turned to them.

With a storm raging in her soul, Diana turned off the lantern and stared into the dark, feeling conflicted and guilty. She fell into troubled sleep hours after, the image of her father’s teary hazel eyes tormenting her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hi people, if you're liking the story so far, please drop a word in the comments about what you think.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Don't forget to check my side story "even if the pack is no more" for some extra content I'll be posting in the near future, hint: Alice's polaroids ;)**


	26. defying gravity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait folks. I've been busy with life, but I’m back now!
> 
> please leave a comment, i really wanna read what you think! LY!

oOo

Diana was rudely awoken from her sleep by a kick to the shin. By good luck, too. Dream-girl was back and it seemed to Diana that her subconscious was trying to make her go absolutely crazy.

She’d dreamt of a night spent on top of a tree, evading walkers down below. Her heart had been racing and her hands had trembled with a tingle Diana recognized.

She had been mumbling something almost inaudible, over and over, like a mantra. Diana caught her faint whisper right before waking up. _I’m real, Diana, I’m real._

Diana had no idea what to make of it. She’d already established that these were no normal dreams, but was she willing to toe across the line as to say that they were real? That ‘dream-girl’ was real? Out there somewhere, and somehow Diana was picking up on her memories?

It was the kind of absurd she relished to believe in. But what if instead of that she really was just going crazy?

Diana sat up groggily, hands to her pounding head, making the ache in her shin completely vanish. She glared up at the culprit of the kick, Alice, and offered her a pained sneer and a waved dismissal.

Alice scoffed at her sister. She crossed her arms and lifted one shoulder casually. “Okay, thought you’d wanna know that Daryl’s back and shit’s pretty much going down, but I guess you don’t care about that, huh?”

All grogginess fell away. Diana wiped her face with her hands, rubbing away the stickiness of her eyes. She struggled to entangle her legs from her bedding and got up. She didn’t waste time to change out of her sleeping clothes nor redo her messy droopy half-ponytail. She ran barefoot past a snickering Alice.

It was easy to follow the sounds of the scuffle and see where the most people had aggregated. Diana ran up to Dale’s RV, a sharp rock that caused pain to shoot up her bare foot. She called out to the spectators, demanding them to step aside as she limped past them.

For some reason, they easily obeyed.

She saw Shane putting Daryl in a choke hold. Holding him down while the man struggled to free himself.

She saw red. Rage pooled in her lower belly and her legs propelled her forward. “Hey! Hey!” she called out and punched Shane on the side. “Let go of him, Officer Dum-Dum, you hear me?” He flinched away and glared up at her, but didn’t lose his hold.

Her next instinct was to bite him, but Rick grabbed her before her snapping jaw could get anywhere near Shane’s flesh. He lifted her away with some difficulty, as she kicked the air and embedded her fingernails into his forearms.

Diana contorted herself and elbowed him on the side of the head, freeing herself. Her stomach started turning at the almost lost memory of sweaty hands holding her and the terrible thought of what could’ve been. She turned to Rick and pointed a finger at him. “Don’t ever touch me without my permission.” It was out of place but she needed that to be established.

Rick lifted his hands in surrender and nodded his agreement.

Diana could see the red spot on the side of his temple that she’d hit. Soon, a bruise would take its place. She felt sorry underneath it all. It wasn’t her job to do harm to the people under her care.

In that breath of a moment, she found clarity. She must’ve looked like a wild thing, feet bare and bloody, tousled hair, all that was left was baring her teeth.

She saw her mom and dad stalk up from the crowd, her dad seemingly on a warpath towards Rick. Diana raised her hand to him and shook her head fiercely. Irene held Sam back by the arm and said something to him that called him off but still had him at the edge of his figurative seat.

Diana wondered if Rick knew how much power she held over his life? The intrusiveness of that thought repulsed her.

She shook it off. She tightened her ponytail until it was half decent and straightened her disheveled shirt. She cleared her throat, careful to keep an even neutral tone, and asked, “What’s the meaning of this?” She gestured at the two men locked in fight while avoiding looking at the sight.

Rick tilted his head. “We just want to have a calm discussion with him about what happened with his brother,” he said, trying to appease her.

Diana snorted, neutrality falling away. She looked at her friend being held down by Shane, his face turning red, his eyes wild on hers, then back to Rick. She swallowed thickly. “And that’s your way of going about it? Real progressive.” She glared at Shane and clenched her fists along with her jaw. “Let him go, you chewed up piece of gum.”

One good look at her mom in a crowd of judgmental faces and Diana realized she’d forgone every bit of diplomacy the woman had taught her. So she straightened herself, swallowed down her anger and embarrassment and smoothed back her hair with calm breaths.

She nodded at Rick. “Tell your _buddy_ to back off, then we’ll discuss things.”

“He came at me with a knife,” Rick told her in an attempt to justify their actions.

Diana breathed in disbelief and gestured wildly with her hands. “You left his brother handcuffed to a pipe on an overrun building. Shit, _I_ would come at you with a knife!”

Rick looked at his feet, somewhat troubled. Seeing as Daryl had ceased to struggle against his captor, he nodded at Shane to release him.

She stepped around Rick and considered pettily bumping into his shoulder, but decided against it. She liked Rick, even despite this.

Shane’s glare towards her didn’t vanish as she helped Daryl up to his feet, but she was way past caring about what he thought of her. She returned the glare, with a side of disgusted sneer. She’d been almost on the verge of blowing him a raspberry but refrained herself.

Daryl shook her off as soon as he was standing, looking at her as if she’d committed high treason. “You knew and you let ’em?”

Diana could’ve rolled her eyes. “I only found out he wasn’t with us once we got back. Don’t think so low of me, Daryl.”

He was pacing, like he often did in times of distress, his gaze jumping from Rick to Shane to her.

She noticed the red around his neck from Shane’s tight hold. She stopped his pacing by reaching out and cupping his neck. Her fingertips prodded lightly against the red ring, her thumbs gently over his Adam’s apple. “Does that hurt?” she whispered, feeling it move as he swallowed.

He looked conflicted, his blue eyes soft on her but the rest of him rigid and tense, halfway between melting under her hands and exploding in an outburst of rage.

Finally, he shook his head. Diana let her palm rest against the side of his neck, her thumb along his jawline. She gave it a small caress before dropping her hand and facing Rick, who’d been observing the interaction with interest.

“Now we talk,” Diana announced and Rick nodded at her. Diana spotted her mom’s nod of approval as she locked arms with a calmer Sam.

Rick looked past Diana at Daryl, who stood silently, glaring daggers at him. “You gotta understand that what I did was not on a whim. Your brother does not work and play well with others. You should’ve heard what he said to her,” Rick said, gesturing at Diana. Sneaky son, this Rick. “It was the catalyst of the dispute.”

She widened her eyes at him in reprove. “That doesn’t- it’s got nothing to do with it.” She glanced quickly at her family and back to Rick; they didn’t know about that. And also, did he really think Daryl would see that as a plausible justification? She was nothing to him compared to his brother, she’d be a fool to think otherwise.

“That grant him to be chained up like some animal, left for dead?” Daryl retaliated before resuming his pacing.

“It's not Rick's fault,” T-Dog interjected, all eyes on him. “I had the key. I dropped it.”

Daryl frowned at him. “Couldn’t pick it up?”

Diana cringed as T-Dog sheepishly explained how he had dropped it down a drain. She turned to Daryl, awaiting his response.

He breathed in dejection, almost a sob, before swiping his forearm over his eyes, cleaning away tears that had pooled there. Diana’s heart skipped a beat in compassion. He glared at T-Dog and started walking away. “If that’s supposed to make me feel better, it don’t.”

T-Dog explained how he chained the door to the roof, and that the chances of any walker bringing it down were very low. Merle was still alive out there.

“It’s gotta count for something,” said Rick, hand on his hip in authority as he squinted at Daryl in the sunlight.

Daryl kept his pacing, his chest expanding with every heavy intake of air. His brow creased and the back of his hand flew to his eyes again.

Diana chewed on the inside of her cheek, her hands itching to do something. She didn’t move, though, knowing that in his state of mind, he’d resent anything resembling pity coming from her. And knowing herself, she’d resent his rejection and would shut him off out of hurt. And that was sentimentality that she couldn’t afford right now.

“Hell with all y'all!” Daryl yelled out, pointing at them, “Just tell me where he is so that I can go get him.” He sounded completely exhausted.

Just when Diana parted her lips to volunteer to go with him, Lori, from her perch by the RV, spoke, “He’ll show you. Isn’t that right?”

Rick regarded his wife for a short moment and nodded. He told Daryl that he’d be going back. Daryl stared at him before stalking away, past Diana without a second glance at her, and only stopping to grab his stuff off the ground.

oOo

“What do you mean you’re going back?” Irene asked Diana, enraged, as soon as they were back at their camp. “Remember yesterday, when we forbid you from that? Did you hit your head since then? ‘Cause I’ll tell you again: _NÃO_! Should I tell you again in Spanish? _¡_ _NO!_ ”

“You don’t fucking remember what happened last time? You just itching for another near-death experience.” Sam grabbed Diana by the upper arm and turned her to him just as she was about to enter her tent.

“You’re hurting me!” she whimpered and clawed at her dad’s larger fingers.

He let go and stepped away, breathing heavily through his nose, reminding her of a bull before it charges. “You could’ve fucking died! Is that what you want? You wanna die? We had this goddamned conversation before and you still did what you wanted and were almost taken from us.” Sam paced. “Now you wanna go through that again? For Merle motherfucking Dixon? Did it get into that thick skull of yours how insane that is?”

Diana stood silent, any other time and she would’ve quietly acquiesced to her parents because they were right and she was wrong. But she didn’t want to go back just to defy them, this wasn’t mindless rebellion. This was simply something she had to do, with or without her parents’ blessing. She’d been hoping towards the former, however unlikely that seemed.

There was a sense of duty that compelled her, the need to do good by her friend, to help him recover his only family. It became a powerful cocktail when mixed with guilt.

Twenty-one years she had always done what her parents asked her, had always been a good daughter. Was it too much to ask that they let her do this one thing?

She understood where they came from, they wanted to keep her safe and away from danger. But danger was everywhere nowadays, and they wouldn’t always be able to shelter her from it. One way or another she’d end up exposed to it.

She had proved herself out there in the city, she had shown herself and others of what she was capable and her parents knew that. That was only the beginning of what she could become. They told her to believe in herself but didn’t let her do what she needed to do, what she believed to be right.

Besides, she wouldn’t be alone; Daryl would be there, with his incredible skills, and so would Rick, whom Diana knew to be a good marksman. They would have each other’s backs.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Diana whispered, staring into her dad’s hazel-green eyes. Her tone was half begging, half affirming. She tried hard not to recall her siblings’ words from the night before. Tried hard not to imagine her dad’s teary eyes.

“Diana, I’m not fucking around. I will tie your ass down if that’s what I need to do.” His jaw was clenched and Diana could see the speed of his pulse on his neck.

“Then I’ll find a way to untie myself and go,” she whispered back.

Sam exhaled through his nose, his lips pressed tightly together. He stalked towards her with a raised hand. Diana whimpered and cowered behind her arms, awaiting the blow. She felt herself revert back to her seven-year-old self, fear filling her very form.

“Samuel!” Irene called out, grabbing onto her husband’s arm, bringing it down. “If you hit her, I swear to God I won’t ever forgive you!”

Sam stomped away and shouted out in rage before grabbing a foldable chair and flinging it off camp, into the forest, where it disappeared among the underbrush. “She’s going to kill herself! Why can’t she see that?! I’m tryna protect her, tryna keep her alive! I’m just- I want-”

“I’m not going to die,” Diana insisted, feeling her gut clench with dread and her chest tighten with strange foreboding. She approached his turned back, somewhat fearful that he’d lash out, and slowly put her arms around him, her hands resting on his chest. “I’ll come back safe and sound and with stupid tales to tell, I promise.”

“If I can’t convince you to stay the hell put, then there’s no fucking way I’m not coming with you,” Sam whispered, ignoring her promises.

Diana ripped herself away from him and frowned as he faced her. “What? No, you’re not! You’re not coming with us.”

Sam stared intensely back. “It’s the only way I can be sure you’ll be safe.”

“But you wouldn’t, you’d only put us in more danger,” Diana regretted it as soon as she said it.

Sam inhaled, indignant. “Why’s that? You think I’m not capable of protecting my own goddamn child?”

“No, of course it’s not that, that’s not what I meant. I- You don’t understand the language, _pai_ , what if there’s an emergency and they need you to do something and you don’t even know what the heck they’re saying?” Diana defended.

Irene chimed in, arms tightly crossed and bloodshot eyes, “She’s got a point, Sam. I don’t think that’s such a great idea. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think she should be going, too.” She eyed Diana, pleading. “We should let them go about their business and we keep to ours. We’ve always functioned that way and it’s always worked for us so far, so why bother now, Diana? Please.”

“I don’t know!” Diana admitted, throwing her hands up. “I don’t know, maybe I’ve got something to prove, maybe I wanna show you that I can take care of myself!”

Irene came to her, desperately grabbing her hands. “But you don’t need to. Diana, _mija_ , you don’t need to prove anything to anyone.”

“Or maybe ‘cause we- _I_ owe a lot to Daryl, okay? And how do I repay? By letting his brother chained like an animal, out there to be eaten by walkers.

I mean, what if it was Alice? What if it was Felix? Or me? Or dad? How’d you feel if your only family was left behind and no one else gave a shit except you?!” Diana sucked in a breath and looked to the side, avoiding her mother’s tearful gaze and the effect it had on her.

“It wasn’t your fault, you said so yourself, you only found out when you came back. It’s not your responsibility.”

“But I let Rick handcuff him, hell, I even thought it was funny, I enjoyed it. I’m part of the problem here and I need to do something about it. I need to, you understand? It’s only right.”

Sam sighed, his shoulders sagged and he didn’t bother to look at her. “We could stand here all fucking day and I still wouldn’t get why the hell you wanna do this. So go. Do whatever the fuck you want. Run off and don’t come back, for all I care.”

His words struck a bolt through her chest. “Don’t- don’t say that,” Diana begged, her voice cracking. “Don’t say that to me.”

“Sam…” Irene called at her retreating husband, her voice wavering.

“You’re so eager to abandon your family to go on your damn hero quest,” he sounded defeated, and it opened a hole in Diana’s chest to know she was the cause of his suffering. “You never should’ve found that thing.”

She felt the tears prick behind her eyes as they threatened to spill and the ache in her throat as she forced back her sobs. “ _Papa_ … please, please,” she begged, “Don’t be mad at me, please.”

“If you come back, don’t fucking bother coming to see me.” He disappeared into his tent without a backward glance.

Irene gave Diana a remorseful and disappointed look over her shoulder before following him in, leaving Diana to the guilt and conflict festering in her conscience.

oOo

Diana stepped out of her tent, fully clothed and equipped. Med-kit on her back and bow on her shoulder.

She chanced a glance at her parents’ tent, which remained closed all the way. Diana couldn’t begin to imagine the heartache she was causing them. It hurt her deeply to go against them like this.

She was torn between staying and going, she honestly didn’t know what to do. She thought she did, but now neither choice seemed like the right one. No matter how she looked at the situation, she couldn’t find an easy solution. So she was stuck with her initial conviction.

“Just like that, huh?”

Diana jumped, startled, and turned on her heel. She saw Alice step out of the tree line as stealthy as a cat, folded chair hanging from one hand. The corner of her mouth was turned in distaste, and she was glaring with an intensity that made Diana curl in on herself in shame.

“If it was you or Felix, they’d want someone to go get you,” Diana defended weakly, avoiding her sister’s hazel-green gaze, so much like their dad’s.

“Yeah, well, there’s a lot of differences between one of us and Merle fucking Dixon,” Alice spat and forcefully folded open the chair. She dropped onto it, back facing Diana.

“Alice, please, not you too. Don’t be mad at me,” Diana pleaded and immediately realized it had been the wrong thing to say. Alice didn’t like it when someone assumed how she was feeling.

She stood abruptly, her short frame extended to its full height. “I’m not mad,” she hissed between her teeth, seething, eyes boring into Diana’s from under her long lashes. “You don’t get anything. If you’re gonna leave, then JUST. LEAVE.”

Diana flinched away, her chest feeling both empty and heavy. She gave her an apologetic look, which was scoffed at, and turned away. She walked fast out of there, tears pooling in her eyes.

She didn’t know how she’d make up to everyone once she came back, but she knew she would have to work hard for their forgiveness.

oOo

Diana wiped her eyes dry as she walked into earshot of the group gathered, just as T-Dog volunteered to accompany Daryl, Glenn, and Rick.

“That’s four,” Dale said, looking around the bystanders, maybe waiting for more volunteers.

Diana walked up behind Daryl. He was sitting on a wooden box, cleaning and readying his bolts. He looked up when she dropped her bag next to him. “Five,” Diana said around the lump in her throat.

Daryl stood up in surprise and shook his head at her. “No, no, you ain’t comin’.”

Diana raised an eyebrow and stumbled over her words, “What the- what do you mean I’m not coming? Merle might need medical help, I’m the best person we’ve got for that.”

“She tells me you’ve trained her, that right?” Rick asked him. That brought some curious looks from those who thought he was referring to her medical skills.

Daryl glanced from Rick to Diana, and tilted his head towards the man, asking a voiceless question.

Diana nodded, feeling slightly self-conscious. “He knows. And T-Dog, and Glenn, and all the others from yesterday. I had to… I had to show them.”

Rick put a hand on the waist of his pants and looked at Daryl. “Now, you’re the best judge of what she can and cannot do. You know whether or not she can help us out there. With what she does, I know I’d feel safer with her watching my back.”

Diana felt highly flattered by his praise. Although it sounded as if he was putting the decision up to Daryl instead of her, and it irked her. If she was already going against her parents’ wishes, it wasn’t Daryl saying no that would stop her.

“I’m going whether you ‘let’ me or not. You need me, that’s final.” It was a pretentious thing to say, but she needed to sell it.

Shane rubbed his head, looking exasperated, and said, “What the hell are y’all talking about? Rick, why her? What training?”

Dale, ever so observant, stepped towards Diana, his eyes on the bow on her shoulder.

She shifted self-consciously, adjusting it with a shrug, feeling its casual purr.

“I believe,” Dale started, drawing attention, “that he’s talking about the golden secret Ms. Lobo’s been keeping, isn’t that right?” His wide owl-ish eyes bore into Diana’s and she had to avert them.

“That thing? You mean to tell me that thing’s not just for show?” Shane asked mockingly.

Rick fixed Diana with an encouraging look. “Now would be the time for a demonstration.”

Diana gulped drily, feeling her heart skip a beat and then start thumping wildly in her chest. “Uhm… I don’t- I don’t think-” She didn’t like that idea a lot. She didn’t like being on display and she didn’t want to be everyone’s show monkey. She didn’t want to be interrogated nor put on trial for what she could do. Yesterday had been only a sample, with only a few witnesses. She wanted to put off the real thing for as long as she could.

It also came the problem that she didn’t like being the spot of attention before a crowd, especially one she feared would become a pitchfork and torch-bearing mob. Her doubts and fears became overwhelming; it was almost ridiculous.

“Or not,” Rick concluded.

A hand on her forearm brought her back to focus, breaking the spell. Diana followed the touch to Daryl. His eyes stared into her own and she nodded at his silent question. “I’m fine, everything’s hunky-dory.” She winced at the expression, wondering where that one had come from.

He didn’t look convinced, but Diana knew dwelling would only make her cry. She slipped her hand into his, hidden from everyone’s sight, and gave it a gentle squeeze, trying to draw comfort from the touch but failing.

“You know what?” Shane said, thankfully moving on. “Fine, that’s five of you. But It's not just five. You're putting every single one of us at risk. Just know that, Rick.” He paced and faced Rick with an earnest expression. “Come on, you saw that walker. It was here. It was _in_ camp. They're moving out of the cities. They come back, we need every able body we've got. We need 'em here. We need 'em to protect camp.”

“There was a walker here?” Diana asked Daryl in a whisper.

He whispered back, “Yeah, sunovabitch ate my deer.”

Rick continued, “It seems to me what you really need most here… are more guns.”

“Okay, and who here got a gun dispensing machine lying around?” Diana asked, squinting to look at Rick in the bright sunlight. “Not the claw ones, though, we’d die before we got something out.” Her attempt at humor was ignored, probably for the best.

Glenn interjected and stepped forward, starting to remember, “Right… the guns.”

Shane asked about said guns one last time before Rick explained that he’d left a duffel bag full of them lying on the street after he’d gotten swarmed in the city. Shotguns, rifles, handguns, all of which he’d retrieved from his station.

“You went through hell to find us,” Lori interjected, look of disapproval pointed at her husband, “You just got here and you're gonna turn around and leave?”

Wait, what? “If my memory serves me right, Lori, you were the one who said Rick should show Daryl where to find Merle. _You_ said that, right? Or am I imagining things?” Diana let go of Daryl’s hand to cross her arms, fixing Lori with a cold stare.

Lori shook her head and huffed. “To hell with the guns. Shane is right. Merle Dixon?” she said with disdain, conveniently avoiding Diana’s question, “He's not worth one of your lives, even with guns thrown in. Tell me. Make me understand.”

Diana breathed in disbelief. She wanted to like Lori, she was all about women supporting other women. But Lori was too much for her.

Rick walked up to his wife, telling her about a man and his little boy, who had saved him and whom he owed a debt. That was about when Diana turned to Daryl with a long sigh of exasperation. She grabbed onto his arm and bumped her forehead against his shoulder repeatedly.

“The sooner we leave, the sooner we get back, damn it,” she whispered and rested her cheek on his warm skin.

“You sure you good?” Daryl asked in a whisper, for her ears only. “What’d your parents say?”

Diana winced and shook her head minimally. “I don’t wanna talk about that.” He sure knew how to hit the nail on the head, damn him.

oOo

“Hey, Diana,” Glenn called as she waited for the van to pull up.

She expected an additional reprimand or demand for her to stay put. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I’m uh- I’m glad you’re coming with us,” he started. He chuckled at the rise of Diana’s brows. “Yeah, I mean, not really glad-glad, but like Rick said, I’ll feel safer with you watching our backs. If you’re as good as you made us believe.”

“She is,” Daryl supplied from inside the van as it parked next to them. “She’s damn good.” The corner of his mouth perked up in encouragement for a second.

Diana mustered a smile and faced Glenn while gesturing up at Daryl. “From the teacher himself. Fear not, youngling, I’ll be there to protect you.”

“Awesome,” Glenn said, fighting off a grin. He gave her a friendly over-the-top slap on the arm and left to climb into the cabin of the van.

The smile dropped, too exhausting to hold. She passed Daryl her backpack and bow and accepted his hand to climb into the back of the van.

Once she was inside, Daryl pressed his foot on the steering wheel, making the horn blare. He shouted out the back at Rick and T-Dog to hurry it up.

Diana settled in, backpack cushioning her back and purring bow on her lap like a cat. She happened to eavesdrop on Shane and Rick as the former searched around his duffel for some loose rounds to give the latter. He brought up four. “Four men, four rounds.”

Diana scoffed at being ignored by him once again, even in relation to something as morbid as mass suicide.

Rick heard it and glanced shortly at her, looking troubled. He replaced it with a small smile and said light-heartedly, “Not you, Diana. You… you’ll outlive us all.”

Diana chuckled humorlessly and looked outside. “Yeah, well, tell that to my parents.”

She hoped to catch sight of her family, just any one of them, coming to see her off. She saw only relative strangers.

Then Daryl rolled down the back panel and her heart plunged to her stomach in near regret at what she was doing. But there was no going back now, she was going to go through with this, and she’d be back before they knew it.

oOo

The tension was thick like fog during the entire ride.

Diana considered saying something, anything, to ease it, but came up short. So she dwelled on her own problems, letting her thoughts fester inside her mind until they were like a literal weight on her.

She thought mostly of solutions; of how to make her family forgive her short of begging at their feet. She always thought it was better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. But this was not the case, seeing as permission had been denied and forgiveness would, therefore, be hard to achieve.

The bow purred against her fingertips, calming and tingling, and of a sudden Diana recognized the sensation anew. Dream-girl. Whether she was real or part of her subconscious, she had also been in contact with that same physical feeling that Diana’s bow gave off.

Diana pulled her legs up and hid her face against her forearms. She shut her eyes tight and tried to make her mind go blank. If she wasn’t already trickling down towards insanity, she’d soon be on the way if she dwelled on it any longer.

She was on the verge of sleep, lulled by the swaying of the van, when Daryl broke the silence, addressing T-Dog, “He’d better be okay. That’s my only word on the matter.”

Diana propped her chin on her forearm and blinked blearily at the two men.

T-Dog almost rolled his eyes in exasperation. “I told you the geeks can't get at him. The only thing that's gonna get through that door is us.”

The van stopped and Glenn turned in his seat towards them. “We walk from here.”

Diana nodded and stood up, feeling her stomach tighten in knots with pure anxiety.

Daryl rolled the partition back up and jumped out. He held out a hand for Diana while she rushed to put on her backpack and bow in place. She took it and dropped down, her knees aching with the bad landing.

T-Dog clambered out after her, wincing in pain, a hand to his side. Diana hoped she hadn’t misdiagnosed the state of his ribs.

The five of them followed the train tracks at a hurried pace, Glenn taking the lead.

When they reached the train station it was easy to go unnoticed. There weren’t many walkers around, they made way by hiding train to train, then bus to bus, until they reached busier streets.

They took alleyways, keeping low and silent and quick until they reached the department store. It felt like a stealth-based game to Diana, those had always been her favorite.

They sneaked inside through the broken glass doors. It was pure chaos inside, as was to be expected. Mannequins were knocked over with missing limbs, clothes were strewn about, items knocked off their cases, overturned clothing stands, but at least the horde had dispersed.

Diana released her breath at the emptiness, her heart beating wildly from the suspense.

She almost knocked into Rick when he abruptly stopped and raised a hand for them to stay put. He gestured ahead to a lone walker, navigating down the store, comically looking like it was perusing the wares.

Diana tightened her grip on the bow, about to volunteer to take care of it. Unfortunately, Daryl was quicker. He stepped forward, spewed an insult at the walker’s decrepit looks, then shot a bolt through its eye socket.

Rick deemed the area clear and led them up the stairs to the roof. Diana took two at a time at the rear of the group, trying to keep up and keep her breath even.

At the top of the staircase, she was glad to see that the chain and padlock had indeed held, which increased the probability of Merle’s survival. Now it was only a matter of treating any existing nonfatal injury.

T-Dog cut through the padlock with Dale’s borrowed bolt cutters, Daryl rushing him, almost shaking with anticipation.

Glenn counted down from three and Daryl kicked the door open. He burst outside, calling out for his brother with borderline desperation. They followed him out and Rick led them to the spot where he’d been handcuffed.

He was gone. Merle was gone. That was good, Diana thought, it meant he was alive. In his possible condition, he couldn’t have gone very far, it was only a matter of finding him.

Daryl kicked the pipe and yelled out in anguish. He put his hands to his hair and started sobbing. Diana frowned in confusion and compassion. She noticed him looking down at something on the ground.

T-Dog huffed out as if he were gagging, while Glenn and Rick turned their faces, wearing expressions of varying levels of disgust. Glenn caught Diana’s confused look and shook his head at her.

She excused herself past them and down the stairs, standing next to Daryl. “ _Eee, g’anda merda_ ,” she mumbled, seeing what he was seeing; the handcuff still attached to the pipe, dripping a line of blood onto the ground, and a hand – Merle’s severed hand. “That’s something I can’t fix.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t forget that I’ll be updating Alice’s polaroids on the side-story in the near future, check that out  
> stuff is not going well in the Lobo family, as you can see. it hurt me so much to write those things that I had to take a break almost every paragraph  
> we’re also moving on to Vatos, let’s see what comes out of that


	27. would you eat your own foot?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a late update before i go to bed cuz i woRK TOMORROW

oOo

Diana’s eyes remained on the amputated hand with a strange morbid fascination. She knew it would be frowned upon to act upon that fascination. She was barely holding on to the restraint that prevented her from literally crouching next to the appendage and poking and prodding it like a science experiment.

She remembered herself and the situation and put her empathy suit back on.

Merle must’ve been a special kind of desperate to resort to this.

She could imagine it; walkers at the door, squeezing their grasping limbs through the gap, snarling and groaning, with their wild eyes and rotten teeth and all that insatiable hunger.

It was the kind of a would-you-eat-your-own-foot-if-you-were-starving-on-a-deserted-island situation. And Merle had done it, he’d eaten his foot.

Forcing her mind towards some semblance of helpful rationality, Diana tried to analyze the state of matters. The handcuff was still dripping blood, and she was not a forensics expert, but judging by the hand itself it looked like the dismemberment had happened very recently.

Once again, basic observation, that was the most she could do. That in count, depending on his state of mind and how rapid the rate of exsanguination, he couldn’t have walked far just as much as he could be out of the city by now. You never knew with Merle.

Daryl was as devastated as he was enraged. Before Diana could blink, he had his crossbow pointed at T-Dog’s face, right between his eyes. His chest was heaving and boy, it might be overused, but if looks could kill…

T-Dog remained stiff in place, his brow tense as his gaze never strayed from Daryl. Diana admired his composure in such a situation, and she thought Daryl was overreacting. After all, T-Dog did make up for his mistake. It wasn’t his fault Merle hadn’t stayed put.

She was paralyzed, mouth agape but nothing coming out of it.

The gun Rick pointed at Daryl’s temple made her blood run cold and a chill ran down her spine. That was enough to jar her back into motion.

“I won't hesitate,” Rick said, his voice hard, “I don't care if every walker in the city hears it.”

Daryl was a perfect statue, but Diana saw the tiny waver in his aim. She didn’t like what Daryl was doing and she couldn’t defend his actions, but she absolutely hated what Rick was strongly implying. And he knew that she did, his glance her way proved it.

Slowly, so as to not alarm anyone, Diana approached them. Rick’s eyes were on her with a calm urgency. She swallowed dryly and said to Daryl, “This isn’t gonna solve anything, Daryl.” When his gaze flickered to hers, she added, “Merle’s alive, let’s focus on that.”

She could see his chin quiver and the corner of his lips tug down forcefully as he suppressed his grief. Diana laid a comforting and disarming hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Let’s go find him,” she whispered with finality.

Daryl lowered his crossbow little by little and then completely. Diana smiled at him and swiped the back of her hand over his cheek affectionately. “Now let’s stop threatening each other and behave like adults for once, everyone down for that?” She gave both Daryl and Rick a pointed look, feeling strangely like a scolding mother.

Rick holstered his pistol and gave her a look she couldn’t decipher. “Yeah, I’m ‘down for that’,” he mimicked with a tilt of his head.

Daryl said nothing. Diana pulled on his wrist to tear his attention away from the souvenir his brother had left. She could see his anger grow by the second the longer he looked at it. She pulled again, his pulse racing on her fingertips, and his gaze met hers. She squeezed his hand lightly and raised a single brow.

He was hard steel, but his temperament at the moment still left a crack for her affections to slip through. He squeezed her fingers back and nodded.

She felt guilty for putting her attention solely on Daryl, but this was about him and his brother. She could understand his state of mind, she could put herself in his place and feel his despair.

And yeah, he had lashed out, but Daryl was rational, he knew killing T-Dog, or Rick, or Glenn, or even her, wouldn’t make the clock turn and get them there in time to rescue Merle. Besides, finding a hand was better than a corpse.

With that situation settled, Diana knelt down by the abandoned appendage and swung her backpack forward until she could reach the zipper.

“What’re you doing?” Glenn asked just as she took out a sterile gauze pad and put the hand on it by the pointer finger.

Diana looked up at him and said, “Can’t just leave it here, right? I mean, I don’t really… know the protocol for this but it kinda feels wrong to just… yeah.” She shrugged one shoulder.

The breeze on her exposed sweaty back made her shudder. Glenn must’ve taken it for disgust because he stepped forward and volunteered to take over.

Diana looked up at his blood-drained pale face with a sarcastically questioning raise of a brow. Glenn conceded his defeat.

She wrapped it up and stood, feeling her knees crack with the movement. She gave the ‘package’ to Daryl, who took it with a grateful nod.

He examined it with a sigh, then said, “Guess the blade was too dull for the handcuffs. Ain’t that a bitch.”

“He ate his own damn foot, man,” Diana added with a half shrug, casually zipping up her backpack. “That _is_ a bitch.”

She dismissed the inquisitive looks with a swat of her hand.

Daryl decided to put his brother’s hand away in Glenn’s backpack. He packed it away with no resistance from Glenn other than an expression that was equal parts disgust and annoyance.

Diana snickered but covered it up by coughing into the back of her hand. Glenn noticed and glared at her, his lip still curled in revulsion.

Then, Daryl followed the trail of blood, saying that Merle must’ve used his belt as a tourniquet, otherwise there’d be much more blood, and Diana agreed with a nod.

She wished there was more she could do; she’d come with them prepared to lay down some nursing skills, but now she just felt useless and was really regretting disobeying her parents for this. They didn’t deserve what she was putting them through; coming here, into the enemy’s lair, with no real assurance of whether or not she’d return. It hurt her to be the cause of their pain, as ironic as that may be.

Her heart fell into the pit of her stomach, and she forced herself to deviate from such thoughts.

Rick didn’t wait too long to follow Daryl, T-Dog retrieved Dale’s toolbox and all its scattered contents, and Diana took the rear with Glenn.

She gave him a sympathetic look and bumped her hip into his. “Want me to carry it if it disgusts you that much?” she asked with a forced smirk. “It’s just a hand, dude, it doesn’t have the plague.”

“Yeah, with Merle you never know,” he japed back and shook his head.

oOo

Daryl led them to a staircase on the roof of the adjacent building, it was badly lit and their feet clicked on the metal steps as they descended. Daryl called out to his brother every once in a while, but silence was the only answer.

Once at the bottom, the only door led to an office complex. Diana wondered why they’d overseen this as a possible escape route last time they were there. It made her irrationally mad that she couldn’t go back in time to suggest it.

They trod lightly, guarding each other’s backs, eyes everywhere and weapons ready.

There were papers scattered all over the carpeted floor, in each office they passed assorted office supplies had been knocked down and books and binders off their shelves. It was a nonsensical sort of mess.

Light filtered through the slanted, half-open blinds, offering poor lighting, but they made do. Specks of dust danced in the light when they disturbed the air and Diana tried to breathe shallowly. It was lucky enough she hadn’t had an allergy induced asthma attack at the department store the day before, with all the layers upon layers of dust covering everything, but she wasn’t risking it twice.

She raised the collar of her shirt to cover her mouth and nose and tried to focus on the feeling of security the bow was humming into her and not on the eeriness of the ambiance. It was almost too overwhelming to ignore.

The first walker they saw actually made her jump and her shirt shimmied back down; she hadn’t been expecting it to just be standing there when they bent the corner.

Daryl shot it as soon as it turned around. Diana twisted her nose down at its mangled features as Daryl retrieved his bolt; its jaw was missing and so the tongue and the flesh of the inside of the mouth lolled out like streamers. Diana clutched at her own jaw and tore her eyes away.

They entered a lunch/break room kind of area. They had to climb over two towering snack machines that had been overturned and pushed against the doors to form some sort of barricade. It had been poorly conceived because the door opened the opposite way. Points for the effort, though. Even if death was the end result.

Unbelievably, Merle’s trail of blood still kept going. The state of chaos ruled here as well as everywhere, add to that a couple of dead walkers on the floor. Their skulls had been bashed open, fresh gunk painting them a bloody halo. That had been Merle’s doing, for sure.

Diana had to agree with Daryl, even one-handed, Merle was a tough son of a bitch, for a racist, misogynistic asshole.

Although, he wouldn’t be for much longer if he didn’t get his stump cauterized and treated, which meant they had to find him quick before he bled out or passed out somewhere.

Diana felt a familiar tickle in her throat and cursed internally. She joined Rick and Daryl by the water dispenser. There was a joke hidden there somewhere.

She glanced at it, about a fifth full, and shrugged before pouring herself a cup. The water gurgled loudly and then she straightened herself while bringing the cup to her lips.

The sound had attracted every attentive eye in the room to her direction. Diana felt her face heat up. “What? My throat’s dry.” She avoided their eyes and took a sip, only to spit it back out. “Oh what the fridge, this is stale as fuck! Bleh!”

“Thought you were smarter than that, Dee,” T-Dog commented with a witty smile as she poured the water into the pot of a desiccated office plant.

“Shut up,” she said without looking up.

Daryl extended his flask to her once she was done. Diana took it with a grateful nod and swallowed a mouthful. Thankfully, it seemed like he’d thoroughly rinsed it since last time.

Seeing as Merle’s trail of blood didn’t end there, they followed it to a room similar to a lab. On a counter, they found a couple of portable stoves turned on to full gas, their blue flames hissing. Next to them a belt, most surely Merle’s, which he would’ve used as a tourniquet, and an iron plate. Upon close inspection, Rick determined that Merle had used it to cauterize his stump, seeing as pieces of his skin and some of his blood had dried on it.

Diana winced, imagining the mind-numbing pain he surely must’ve gone through to get that done. She didn’t pity him, though. She had no sympathy for the man, her presence there was purely for Daryl’s sake.

“Losin’ a lot of blood didn't stop him from bustin’ out of this death trap,” Daryl boasted, strutting away and to a broken window, which led to the emergency staircase outside.

Diana hurried after and looked out the window, in hopes of catching a glimpse of the ‘fugitive’. She couldn’t believe that Merle had actually left the building and was wandering around the city in his state, possibly unarmed, and likely on the verge of passing out from hypovolemic shock.

T-Dog said her thoughts out loud almost word by word, sans medical insight. Daryl took that as an opportunity to take another dig at them, accusing them of leaving Merle handcuffed to that roof to rot in the first place.

He turned to Rick. “You couldn't kill him. Ain't so worried about some dumb dead bastard.”

Rick tilted his head and stared him down. “What about a thousand dumb dead bastards? Different story?”

Diana chewed anxiously on the inside of her cheek. Suddenly, Glenn was at her side. He must’ve noticed her uneasiness and opened up her fist and slipped his hand into hers. She appreciated the gesture, she didn’t mind having a hand to hold at any given time, however childish that could be.

Rick and Daryl were toe to toe, one significantly calmer than the other, as was to be expected. Daryl ranted about going after his brother on his own, then lashed out at Rick when he advised him against it, which Diana agreed to wholeheartedly.

Glenn pulled on her hand and gestured with his head at the two men with a furrow of his brow. Diana shook her head minutely.

True that she could have an almost tranquilizing effect on Daryl, but she wasn’t his mother nor his babysitter. He was a grown ass man; he wouldn’t appreciate her slapping his wrist every time he stepped out of line, and that’s not what she was there for.

Besides, if the two men had to butt heads a couple of times to move on to getting on better, then so be it; they could solve their own matters without her interference.

Rick ended the discussion by making a deal with Daryl. They’d help him check a few blocks around the building if he kept a level head.

Daryl agreed adamantly to it, and Diana saw the tenseness in his shoulders, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. She wouldn’t be surprised if he considered ditching them and going off by himself to search every little nook and cranny of the city in search of his brother.

Diana guiltily thought of her Godmother and her family, so close yet so unreachable. She mentally shook her head of those stray thoughts; she couldn’t, she shouldn’t, she wouldn’t. Even if it hurt.

T-Dog shook his head and uncrossed his arms with a forlorn shrug. “Only if we get those guns first,” he said in response to Rick’s proposal, “I'm not strolling the streets of Atlanta with just my good intentions, okay?”

Rick nodded and shifted his weight while putting a hand on the waist of his pants. “Precisely, I agree. Now we only need a plan.”

“Okay, I got an idea,” Glenn announced, then scrunched his nose unsurely and corrected himself, “Or the… beginnings of an idea. I need something to draw on.”

T-Dog lifted a shoulder and pointed at the door. “Probably something you can use in one of those offices.”

As they were leaving the stockroom, Diana hung behind and let Glenn’s hand slip from hers. “I’ll be right with you, alright?” She grabbed onto Daryl’s elbow as he passed her by at the door and pulled him back. “Gotta do something first, _gäll_?”

Rick and T-Dog didn’t look very impressed. Glenn, who knew her best, just raised an annoyed eyebrow and told her to hurry the lecture up.

She pulled Daryl back into the stockroom. The impatience on his face was almost enough to make her curl in on herself, but he didn’t act on it.

He looked about to crawl out of his skin with agitation and she knew there was nothing she could do to ease it, other than finding his brother, so she tried to make it quick. “Okay, so first, I want you to promise you’re not just gonna abandon us and go off on your own to find Merle. That’s not what we came here for, this is not a white-folk let’s-split-up-gang kinda thing. We stick together.” She grabbed his hand and gripped it tight, her eyes searching his.

“That all? You can lecture me all you want af-”

“Second,” she interrupted and grabbed his face by the jaw just as he was about to leave. She turned it to her, his skin warm and slick with sweat, which she didn’t mind. She met his blue eyes, hers wide and emphatic. “We’re gonna find your brother,” she said earnestly and rested her hands on his shoulders, her fingertips digging gently into his flesh, grounding him.

“He might’ve said some really tasteless things to me over the time that’ve made me dislike the guts outta him, but I don’t wish him dead. I don’t, ‘cause I know how much that would hurt you and I don’t want that. I don’t want you to get hurt.” After the words had been said, she realized how unhelpful her empty promises were.

But even though she felt like she’d put her foot in her mouth, like she so often did, judging by the look of him, it seemed like she’d actually said something right. That was a first for her today.

Daryl could be a loud and brazen person, there was no doubt of that. But after getting to know him and gaining a bit of his trust, Diana found that he allowed himself to _be_ himself with her. Which, she wasn’t going to lie, made her stupidly happy.

He’d have moments of quiet contemplation, where a look conveyed thousand different things and she could only begin to pick up on about a ten of them.

She’d gotten better at reading him, it came with much trial and error, but then he’d spring up something new on her and she’d be left completely clueless.

This was one of those moments, as had been earlier that day when she’d been tending to the marks on his neck after Shane’s chokehold. His eyes were glued to her, so patient and serene that it was baffling.

Diana’s hands slid down his arms subconsciously, her brow furrowing like she’d just seen a snowfall in July. Okay, maybe a little less extreme than that. She felt her throat work as she swallowed dry. She cleared it and unglued her lips with a quick sweep of her tongue to ask about it, but the words died in her throat.

“Hey uh- guys, sorry,” Glenn interrupted, clearing his throat, “but if we wanna hurry, you two better leave your soul sharing for another time and come along.” He caught Diana’s widened eyes from over Daryl’s shoulder and gave her a sly smirk.

Diana snatched her hands back to her sides. “Let’s go,” she murmured. The bow was trembling at her back with a rhapsodic energy, making her chest vibrate along to the hard thumping going on inside.

They followed Glenn into a room with computer desks and archives on either side, all of which were grey on top from thick layers of settled dust.

Great, she could feel the tickle in her throat resurface. She put the collar of her shirt back over her mouth and nose. At the strange looks, Glenn answered for her, “Allergies, it’s the dust.”

Rick and T-Dog nodded in understanding and Diana gave him a thumbs up. Daryl startled her by pulling the shirt back down and reaching around her to tie a piece of red fabric loosely over her nose and mouth.

She responded by touching it with a frown.

“Don’t worry, that’s the clean one,” he said.

“Thanks,” Diana replied, “I feel like a cowboy.” She eyed Rick and nodded at him. “Howdy, pardner.”

“Okay, focus up,” Glenn snapped his fingers at Diana. “You’re like a goldfish, I swear.”

“Sorry.”

Glenn sighed almost fondly and picked up a permanent marker from the desk Rick was leaning up against. He knelt down by some scribbling on the floor, office supplies scattered next to him.

Now that all of them were present, Rick nodded at Glenn, who returned it. He gestured down at the markings. “Okay, so now we’re all here, I can tell you about the plan I cooked up.”

Diana interrupted immediately, “This plan include you running around the streets like a fridging kamikaze?” She crossed her arms and raised an accusatory arched eyebrow. She knew Glenn, his plans consisted of such stunts more often than not.

If she was considered reckless by her parents, what would they say about him? Scratch that, she knew exactly what they thought of him, they once called him a ‘hazard to himself’, Diana’s ‘crazy suicidal Asian friend’.

Glenn looked at her, annoyed, then he sighed and nodded reluctantly.

Rick looked from Glenn to her and shook his head. “You're not doing this alone.”

“Even I think it's a bad idea and I don't even like you much,” Daryl added from his seat on the desktop, his thigh pressing lightly against Diana’s hip.

Diana swatted his arm with her hand, which he light-heartedly shrugged off, and she put her attention back on her friend on the doodled floor.

“Glenn, for real? You know that I love you and all, but if you’re seriously thinking of doing this I’m either gonna beat you up or join you out there. I’m serious.” She knew he knew she was bluffing, but she hoped it would make him reconsider, since he had always been more adamant about putting her life in danger than his own. “I mean, there’s gotta be something less dangerous, right?”

“This whole place is rigged, ain’t no place less dangerous than the last,” Daryl added with a glance at her.

Diana shrugged. “Still.”

Glenn spoke up, “I know you don’t like it, alright? I don’t like putting my ass on the line either, but it’s a good plan. Okay, if you just hear me out. If we go out there in a group, we're slow, drawing attention. If I'm alone, I can move fast. And I know you don’t like being told what to do, Diana, but please, just this once, don’t argue with me on this.”

She wanted to say something, but she knew he was right. If she went with him just for the sake of going, she would end up endangering them even more. So she sighed dejectedly and nodded her acceptance.

Glenn went back to his scribble, a map, she reckoned, and used a paper binder clip and a scrunched up post-it to symbolize the tank and the famed bag of guns. He used a post-it dispenser down an alley to represent him and Daryl. When Daryl asked why him, he told it was because his crossbow was quieter than Rick’s gun and he needed that level of stealth.

Diana almost started to protest; her bow was quiet, too, the hell? But she didn’t want to be whiny about it so she let it be and kept on listening.

“While Daryl waits here in the alley, I run up the street and grab the bag,” Glenn concluded and awaited the reactions.

“And where are we in this plan?” Diana asked, and Rick nodded at her.

Glenn pointed down the street at another alley. “Rick, T-Dog,” he said and smirked at Diana, “and Diana. You’ll be in this alley here.”

When Rick asked as to why there, he explained that if walkers cut off his path back to Daryl, he would continue that way forward to them, and so he was covered wherever he went.

Diana felt proud of him; despite being risky, that was a very sound strategy with a solid back-up. She smiled knowingly at Glenn, who caught it and furrowed his brow in question.

Daryl shared a silent look with Rick. He asked, “Hey, kid, what'd you do before all this?”

“Delivered pizzas,” he answered simply, then frowned, “Why?”

“Without him, who’d deliver our pizzas and strategize our asses to success?” Diana boasted. She pointed a finger gun at Glenn with a wink, her words a throwback to their first conversation.

Glenn grinned with a twinkle in his eyes, seeming to recall it as well, and then looked away with a bashful lift of his shoulder.

They went over the plan one last time, covering all details, and once everyone knew their job and position, the gang did split up after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looking back at what i've got until now i realize i got so much work ahead of me till i catch up to the show...  
> like...  
> give strength pls...
> 
> pls make my day by leaving a nice comment, ly


	28. murderous and ready to roll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR! i hope 2018 brings you all lots of good things. thought i'd open the year with an update. finally amirite?

oOo

Diana, Rick, and T-Dog took off to their designated area of waiting and surveillance, keeping a low profile. Diana had insisted on taking the lead, aggressively gesturing at her bow and putting a finger to her lips. After a few minutes of aimless wandering, her godawful sense of direction made her embarrassingly invite the other two men to walk ahead.

She wouldn’t get them lost due to a stubborn sense of pride.

Arriving at the alley undetected was easy enough. Now they just had to keep their eyes open for Glenn while avoiding being seen by any walker strolling by on its eternal promenade.

While they waited, Diana felt the burning of a staring gaze on her, it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand straight. She felt relieved to see it was only T-Dog, although it was still pretty unnerving.

His eyes were trained on her bow. Diana adjusted her fingers around the grip and cleared her throat. “You uh- you need something?” she asked sheepishly, voice in a whisper.

It caught Rick’s attention as well as T-Dog’s, and both men looked at her. T-Dog had the decency to look flustered. “Nah, it’s nothing.” His mouth opened and closed as if he was reconsidering. When Diana thought he’d put it to rest, he spoke again. “It’s… that thing, you never really explained. You took that thing with you everywhere but I never thought… It’s just some weird-ass shit, man.”

“Zombies are weird-ass shit, too,” she responded with a shrug.

“Yeah, but that could have an explanation, ya know? A virus or whatever. How d’you explain _that_?” He pointed at it emphatically. “I mean, it’s just-”

“It is what it is,” Rick interrupted. “Maybe we’ll find out one day, maybe we won’t. It’s not our business.”

Diana gathered her courage, about to openly admit for the first time that it was possible she wasn’t the only one. Right then, they heard someone call out ‘ _Ayúdame_ ’, which resonated down the street. Glenn couldn’t speak Spanish… Neither could Daryl.

Rick shared a look of worry with them and then gestured back down the alley. They took off running and winded up at Daryl’s post. Diana looked on in surprise at the spectacle, leaning against the wall, trying to catch her breath.

Daryl was pressing an unknown guy against the side of the building, making all sorts of colorful threats. Judging by the look of the guy, he’d been the one to call out for help.

Rick separated the two, holding back Daryl while T-Dog grabbed a fistful of the other guy’s tank top, keeping him pressed against the building, but with far less force. Diana tried to make sense of what had transpired, what they’d missed.

What in the actual hell was actually going on?

At the front of the alley, blocking the street, a mass of walkers pressed against a precarious fence, threatening to tip over. That was when she raised her bow, fingers ready to draw, just in case.

She asked Daryl where Glenn was, his absence a sore thumb to her, and his answer was what made the last thread break.

oOo

Glenn was missing and this little shit was playing tough.

They’d brought him back to their previous hideout, intent on getting answers out of him.

Diana hung out at the back of the room, arms crossed. She could see the kid occasionally between Daryl’s pacing self and Rick’s looming stature. She felt herself seethe, her breathing coming in and out shallowly and her short fingernails digging little half-moons into her arms.

The kid was younger than her – she couldn’t tell by how many years, she’d always been bad at guessing ages – but his age didn’t matter, because he was the only obstacle between her and her friend, and she was hating his smug little smirk more and more by the second.

Diana considered herself a kind and compassionate person, but those were traits she had grown into.

“I ain’t telling you nothing,” the guy said with an irritating calmness. He lounged on the chair they’d forced him onto like the people surrounding him didn’t intimidate him. It wasn’t true, his knee bobbed up and down slightly every now and then, it was subconscious, but a tell nonetheless.

Diana plowed past Rick and Daryl and crouched in front of the kid, giving him a taut smile. “Hey,” she started, and he looked her up and down. “ _¿Cómo te llamas?”_

He stayed silent for a moment and looked to the side before spitting, “Miguel, bitch.”

“Hey, watch it!” Daryl started behind her, and T-Dog held him back by the elbow.

Diana sighed and scrunched her nose in impatience. “ _Miguel, oye, si no me dices dónde está mi amigo, te voy a cortar los cujones, aplastarlos a pulpa e te los daré de comer con una cuchara._ _¿Entiendes?”_ she said, her tongue rolling around the accent and her heart thumping in her ears.

He swallowed heavily and announced, “Bitch, you don’t scare me, I said I ain’t telling you shit.”

The tug of his lips was condescending and it pissed her off even more. She wanted nothing more than to grab his face and smash it nose first onto a desk.

She stood up with a deep inhale and faced her companions. They eyed her with mild suspicion and curiosity. She approached Daryl and removed his hunting knife from the holster on his belt with fumbling hands. Once she had it, she turned around and blindly slammed the blade into the leather seat of the chair between the boy’s legs, succeeding in making him jump and shriek and scoot away.

“Which one do you like the least?” she hissed, surprised and relieved that she’d managed to hit the chair and not the boy. She wanted to intimidate, not maim, despite her rightful anger and bloodthirsty thoughts.

Rick pried her hand off the handle and removed the knife from its firm embedding before returning it to Daryl. “Let’s not do that,” he said with slight exasperation and grabbed her lightly by the upper arm to bring her up and away from the guy.

The frightened look in the boy’s wide eyes almost made her want to apologize, almost.

“Savage,” T-Dog whispered as she was moved past him and then he asked Daryl, “Man, what the hell happened back in that alley?”

“I told you, this little turd and his douchebag friends came out of nowhere and jumped me,” Daryl accused, pointing at Miguel.

Diana’s head snapped to him, examining him. “Are you hurt?” she asked and hopped off the desk she’d just sat on. He looked a bit roughened up but no worse for wear.

Daryl shook his head.

Miguel complained about Daryl being the one who’d jumped him, something to do with Merle.

“They took Glenn, could’ve taken Merle, too,” Daryl defended and Diana had to object.

“I don’t know… Merle’s injured, why would they want an injured man?” She shrugged apologetically at Daryl. “No offense, but it’d only be more work for them with no profit, you know? And it seems to me that’s why they took Glenn – for profit.”

“Go on,” Rick encouraged.

Diana shrugged once more and crossed her arms. “As much as I hate to say it, Glenn’s a bargaining chip for them now, it’s him for something we have. And I’m guessing we only have one thing valuable enough to make that trade.”

“The kid?” T-Dog asked, pointing a thumb at Miguel over his shoulder, one eyebrow raised.

“No, I mean, yeah, also, I guess, but consider this: what were they doing out there in the first place? They were very likely after the same thing we were. And we got it and they didn’t, so they took something of ours...”

“You mean they want the guns,” Rick concluded.

Diana nodded. “I mean they want the guns.”

oOo

Miguel ended up taking them to his people’s hideout after all, after some more well-placed threats.

Diana peeked through a sizeable hole in the wall surrounding said hideout. The place looked run down, much like everything did nowadays, the brick façade and surrounding walls were covered in vines, the glass windows were broken and boarded up from the inside. The front terrace was covered in weeds and stray garbage. It looked abandoned to her. So it was perfect.

“You sure this is the place?” she asked Miguel once again. “If it’s not, _te_ _juro por Dios…_ ”

“ _Cálmate perra_.”

“Call me that again,” she hissed between clenched teeth and stepped closer to his defiant self.

Rick stepped in between them and looked at Diana with apprehension. “How about we stop this. I know you’re upset, but this’ll be over soon.”

This was not only being upset, Diana hadn’t felt this livid in a long time, and that fucker was trying her patience. She didn’t like that she was being treated like a child throwing a tantrum because it was so much more than that.

They started readying themselves. Rick loaded up his pistol, T-Dog took a sniper rifle from the duffel bag and checked the scope, Daryl loaded a bolt onto his cross, and Diana stood there, trying her best to calm herself down.

Miguel looked at Diana’s bow in her tight grip, and up to her. He cocked a mocking eyebrow.

“What?” she asked with an annoyed raise of her arms and started at him, making him flinch.

The corner of Rick’s lip tugged up in amusement at the exchange, and then he addressed her and T-Dog. “You sure you’re up for this?”

T-Dog nodded. “Yeah.”

“I don’t get why can’t I go with you guys? I literally speak their language,” Diana complained, unsatisfied with the arrangements Ricks had made. She could understand why her weapon would work better long range, up from a point of advantage, much like a sniper, but wouldn’t it also be smart to have someone on the front that shared some common ground with the enemy?

“We don’t know how things are gonna carry out down here. Anything happens, I want you up high, somewhere safe where you can cover our backs,” Rick negotiated patiently.

Diana sighed and nodded while looking off to the side, feeling absurd for having argued.

While T-Dog took the duffel and left to one side, she parted in the opposite direction.

She easily shot down a lone walker on her path and once the alley was clear and secure, she climbed on top of a garbage container and then onto a metal awning that allowed her to see over the wall.

Across the yard, on the rooftop of a neighboring building, Diana spotted T-Dog with the sniper rifle ready, his eye on the scope, so she made herself as comfortable as she could and drew an arrow.

Down at the gate, Miguel took the front, Daryl and Rick behind him, their weapons trained on him. The tension was high and all senses were alert and focused as the doors slowly creaked open and a handful of men stepped out of the building.

She could barely hear the conversation going on at ground level. She heard Miguel mention her to their obvious boss – Guillermo, she’d heard – as the ‘crazy _puta_ who had wanted to spoon-feed him his balls’ and she winced. She resented his derogatory term, but she had gone a little over the top with that.

Daryl stepped to the side to peek inside the open gates, where more men stood menacingly with their varied assembly of melee and fire weapons, and asked, “You got my brother in there?”

“Sorry,” Guillermo said with a calm and broad gesture of his hands, proving Diana right, “We’re fresh outta white boys.” He cocked his head. “But I’ve got Asian, you interested?”

Rick offered to trade Miguel for Glenn, but Guillermo wasn’t willing to take him up on that deal. He wanted the bag of guns as ‘compensation’ for his people’s ‘pain and suffering’.

Diana ground her teeth together; she’d said as much.

They played ‘it’s mine, it’s yours’ with the concept of said bag of guns, and Diana almost yelled down at them to hurry it up. Fuck the guns, she wanted Glenn.

“-What's to stop my people from unloading on you right here and now and I take what's mine?” Guillermo threatened, jutting his chin out in pride and broadening his stance.

That was her cue. She saw Guillermo glance up at T-Dog’s location due to Rick’s implication that they were being observed. Always a hoe for the dramatic effect – and because she was getting impatient as hell – Diana finally released the arrow she’d been painstakingly holding.

It whizzed by Guillermo’s nose by a mere inch, unintentional on Diana’s part. She whispered a curse, grateful it hadn’t hit him.

The men were startled by it, as she’d expected, but even more so when it simply vanished. Some shifted in place in uneasiness, while others called out with anxious voices, their weapons raised against the invisible threat.

Guillermo didn’t betray his façade; his surprise was quickly replaced by quiet as he asked his men to calm down with a raise of his hand. His gaze followed the trajectory of the arrow up to her location, looking right at her.

Diana knocked another arrow, just to see the look on his face as it reappeared; the strain on her muscles was worth the expression. What surprised her was the smirk right after.

He called out to the roof above him. Diana looked up to see two buff men bring out a guy – her Glenn – with his hands tied behind his back and a sack over his head. The sack was forcefully removed, showing them his terror-filled face as he swayed on the edge of the roof, his words muffled by tape over his mouth.

Diana withdrew the arrow in shocked fear.

She wanted to shout out to him but bit her tongue. She saw his wide eyes on her soon enough and she mouthed ‘I’m coming for you’ while pointing from herself to him so that even if he couldn’t discern the words from the distance, the meaning behind the gesture would be clear enough for him.

He was distracted from her when the man holding him pretended to lean him over the edge and she started in place, heart tightening in her chest.

“I see two options,” Guillermo said, an arrogance in his tone that irked Diana to no end, perceptible even from the distance, “You come back with Miguel and my bag of guns, everybody walks. Or you come back locked and loaded, we'll see which side spills more blood.” He looked up at where she was, gave a wink and smirk and retreated with nothing more to say, the gates closing behind him.

Diana reached out helplessly for Glenn as the two men took him away, sack once again over his head.

oOo

They emptied out a building near the Vatos’ hideout to retreat and ponder their options.

Diana said nothing. She’d already pestered Rick enough on the way over about how they should’ve had a plan from the beginning and how they had only wasted time. Eventually, he told her that she wasn’t helping and she shut up, feeling childish and ridiculous and no less angry.

She sulked at the back wall, occasionally coughing from the tickle in her throat caused by the dust, her arms crossed and glare stapled on her face.

Rick dropped the duffel on a cluttered desk, unzipped it and went through the armament.

Daryl paced in front of the desk, his eyes on the guns and then Rick. “Them guns are worth more than gold. Gold won't protect your family or put food on the table. You're gonna give that up for that kid?”

That made her even angrier. She kicked off the wall and pointed at Daryl. “How can you say that? Glenn matters, okay? If not to you, at least to me; he matters more than this entire bag and every other working gun on this planet combined, so don’t you dare.”

Daryl had the decency to look a bit ashamed as he appraised her but didn’t give any indication of taking back his words.

“You’d do it for Merle, wouldn’t you?” Diana asked and Daryl looked away from her rich brown gaze, and she added silently, “Or for me?”

That stilled all sound in the room, as even Rick stopped what he was doing to listen in. What he knew from Daryl up to this point would probably take him to bet on a negative answer, but what he’d witnessed of their interactions so far didn’t leave him so sure.

Diana took his silence for a ‘no’ and sighed. “Whatever, what I meant was, if you won’t do it for Glenn, then for me, but I guess that’s- whatever.” She shook her head, feeling disappointed and hurt, but not wanting to admit it.

Then there was another of those indescribable looks that she hadn’t learned to decipher yet, and she shook her head once more, conveying that it didn’t matter now and that she was simply against his easy dismissal of Glenn’s importance.

Diana glanced at everyone in the room in search of support and threw her hands up. “Really? Fine, I said my part, I need some air, now.” She left the room and slammed the door behind her. Then coughed into the inside of her elbow, harsher and longer than before, making her bend at the waist and leaving her winded when the fit was over.

She opened the window, mixing some fresh air with the dust and mildew from inside, and leaned out the windowsill.

Ugh, she felt like such a silly fool, getting so emotional in a time of objectivity. She knew those guns could save their lives and the lives of others, and statistically and objectively speaking that was worth more than Glenn’s life, but she’d never accept that. She would not be going home without Glenn, that was that.

Her throat tickled incessantly, forcing her into a hacking fit that left her dizzy for oxygen and with a throbbing head. She felt around for her inhaler, knowing her allergy usually led to an asthma attack, but stopped when she remembered it was long empty.

She felt panic rise in her as her throat threatened to close up and forced herself to take slow deep breaths between the coughing and slowly felt the tickle recede. There were tears in her eyes by the end of it.

She felt her hands tremble in anticipated fear as her mind recalled the last big asthma attack she’d suffered through. The memory caused her to suck in a deep breath as if she’d resurfaced from the depths of the ocean and she brought a hand to her throat to tug at her collar.

Her parents could not know of this. It would only fuel their belief that she should not be going on runs.

The bow on her shoulder purred comfort into her flesh and bones, but the damage was done, she’d thought of her parents again, and with it came a wave of guilt.

She continued schooling her breathing like she’d learned and jumped when the door to the other room swung open with T-Dog attached to the handle. She wiped her eyes clean before his gaze found her and he frowned at her state.

“Everything cool?” he asked with worry, about to walk towards her, but Diana cut him off. She stepped around him, into the other room, her hands trembling fists clutched on the hem of her shirt.

“Everything’s awesome,” she replied drily and addressed Rick, “What’s the verdict?”

It was Daryl who answered, “We’re doing this,” he announced, less than pleased, shotgun in hand, while Rick held another fire weapon.

When Diana approached the desk, she heard Daryl whisper to her, “for you.” Her heart leaped to her throat.

She swallowed hard, forcing the lump down, and glanced at him from the corner of her eye. His attention was on the weapon he was loading up. She nodded minutely to herself, repressing a grateful smile, and subtly bumped him with her hip.

She felt him return it and looked up at Rick, sensing his eyes on her, his blue gaze intently scrutinizing the exchange. She dropped the bullet she’d been fiddling with inside the duffel and cleared her throat before looking away.

“We heard you coughing, you okay?” Rick asked as he inserted another round into a pistol, purposefully not broaching the subject she thought he would.

“Yeah, it’s just allergies,” she replied, downplaying it with a light-hearted shrug. “Anyways, how are we doing this? ‘Cause, like, I see weapons being loaded and I’m not entirely sure what’s happening here?” Surely they weren’t thinking of-

“Like Guillermo said, we’ll see which side spills more blood,” Rick said grandiosely while locking and loading a shotgun.

Miguel groaned in misery from his seat on the ground, and Diana never thought she would agree with him. Her righteous anger was put out like a fire.

“You kidding me?” Diana almost shrieked, her eyes wide. “Oh no, I don’t condone this, noooo, nuh-uh. So you just wanna waltz in there and open fire on everything that moves, hoping not to get shot in return? What the fuck kinda plan is that? Is that what we resort to, now?”

Rick shook his head. “No, this is what they make us resort to. I don’t want this any more than you do, but what other choice do they leave us? Do you see them willing to make a deal, reach an agreement?”

“They have Glenn,” T-Dog added, “didn’t you say you’d do anything to get him back?”

“I- I-,” Diana was at a loss for words. Sure, she wanted Glenn back, but she thought they were going to go down a more peaceful road to their goal. She never wanted to actively kill anyone, she was simply counting on a more harmonious end to their ordeal, but she guessed that went to show how naïve she was.

“You ain’t going in with us,” Daryl said, breaking her out of her crisis. “If shit takes a rotten turn, I don’t want you caught in the crossfire, none of us do.”

Rick shared a look with Daryl and T-Dog and then fixed his blue eyes on her. “I told you before we came here, Diana, you’re gonna outlive us all, so listen just once more, and stay out of harm’s way.”

Diana struggled in her mind to come to terms with Rick’s words; she wasn’t a coward, even if the idea of facing her own mortality did make her insides tremble and her heart rate pick up, she wasn’t going to abandon everyone just to favor her own life, she could be selfish, but not to that point.

For the sake of her morals, she would do her best to aim to injure and not kill, and if by chance she came alive out of it, she would have to make sure to never, ever mention to her parents what happened. They would handcuff her to themselves.

“You must really-, I- I wanna go back to my family just as much as you wanna go back to yours, Rick. I’m-” Diana sighed, hoping she wouldn’t regret her next words. “I’m going with you whether you like it or not. This is not me defying you just because you told me to stay put, okay? It’s not that. You’re not gonna be putting your lives on the line while I stay behind like a fucking damsel. I can- I can look after myself. And like hell I’m gonna let anyone take me down without a fight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to ask you, faithful readers, what's your favorite thing about this story so far. whatever comes to mind, anything you've always wanted to mention. do it as a new year's favor for me, please?
> 
> i was thinking of also doing a Q&A on the story if you're interested. just let me know what your burning, pressing questions are and i'll see if the answers' a spoiler or not. LY!


	29. jealousy, thy name is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boom! surprise quick update! thought i left you all hanging a long time before last chapter and decided to treat you with an earlier update
> 
> not that i have a planned schedule or anything...
> 
> i'm a mess tbh
> 
> enjoy

oOo

It wasn’t without more arguing on the subject that Diana finally got them to agree with her; her parents were right; she did get her way more often than not. But in her eyes them leaving her behind on this made no sense. What if, _what if,_ they all died and she was left alone, what would she do then?

Rick had offered her a pistol, but Diana refused it in favor of her bow; it didn’t feel right, and she’d never shot a gun before, so it wouldn’t serve her well.

They arrived at the gate, the paint peeling off and the promise of a bloody fight beyond it. It screeched open just enough to let them through, and Daryl pushed Miguel inside first, the boy with his hands tied behind his back and rag over his mouth, before the rest of them followed through.

Diana heard her pulse in her ears as she passed a large man with a face tattoo who stared her down and then flashed her a depraved grin. Her grip on the bow tightened and she stepped away from the man and closer to T-Dog, who joined her in glaring at him.

The gate closed and they were immediately surrounded, the men forming a tight circle around them. Facing them was Guillermo. He frowned, giving them a once-over, and spoke, “I see my guns but they're not all in the bag.”

“That’s because they’re not yours,” Rick said, tilting his head, his aim just a few centimeters below Guillermo’s face. “I thought I mentioned that.”

“Where’s Glenn?” Diana asked, cutting through the crap, her voice imposing and sure, and she took a step closer to him. “I wanna see him.”

Guillermo looked at her and at her bow with a cocked eyebrow and chuckled. It made her insecure and almost caused her to retrace her steps but she held her ground, unwilling to back out now.

“Your girl there seems a bit eager,” he said to Rick and then addressed her, “What’s that trick you do with that thing? How’s that work, _mami_?”

Diana gritted her teeth at his assumption and spat, “I’m nobody’s girl and none of your business.”

He hummed in pleased contemplation and eyed her from head to foot, which made her squirm in place, uncomfortable at the sudden attention; maybe she shouldn’t have spoken up after all.

In a stab at her pride, Rick stepped in front of her, blocking her from Guillermo’s sight and bringing the conversation back to him. “I think this is our deal,” he said and wiped out a knife to cut Miguel’s bonds free. “You have your man. I want mine.”

There was unrest amongst Guillermo’s men, something that almost made them fidget in place. Guillermo screwed his face in anger, his lips pursed, and he took a threatening step towards Rick. “I’m gonna chop up your boy. I’m gonna feed him to my dogs. They're the evilest, nastiest man-eating bitches you ever saw. I picked them up from Satan at a yard sale,” he hissed up in Rick’s face, and Diana’s heart skipped a beat in distress at the mental image. “I told you how it has to be. Are you woefully deaf?”

“No, my hearing's fine,” Rick calmly said, “You said come locked and loaded.”

Everyone cocked their weapons and Rick pointed his at Guillermo, who stared down the barrel with an unyielding stance, his chin in the air. Diana raised her bow and drew up an arrow, aiming only at shoulders and other weapons, ready to disable and disarm if it really came down to it.

She saw herself facing down some guns as well, her heart in her throat. She could almost see the entire scene from a third point of view, feeling like her soul had detached itself from her body. She could swear she was about to faint from the stress.

She prayed inside her head and apologized to her parents and siblings and sent them her love through thought, feeling quite uncharacteristically pessimistic.

“Felipe! Felipe!” called a fragile voice from the back, making its way towards the center until Diana saw an old woman in her nightgown and mantle step from between the men in a comically unexpected sight.

Diana lowered her bow slowly. Where had the old lady come from? Why was she there in the first place?

This ‘Felipe’, who was apparently Guillermo’s right-hand guy, the one Daryl had shot in the ass, turned to the woman and told her to go back with the others, calling her his _abuela_.

“What others?” Diana asked, curiosity taking over, and she dropped her aim completely, stepping around Rick. She flinched when more guns were shoved in her face and stayed put, hands up in surrender.

“Get that old lady out of the line of fire!” yelled Daryl, his aim still true. Diana looked back at him and he gestured aggressively with his head for her to get back, to which she shook her head; they wouldn’t risk opening fire with the old woman in the middle of it, there was nothing to fear…she hoped.

“ _Abuela_ , listen to your _mijo_ , okay? This is the not the place for you right now,” Guillermo told her while gesturing at her to go back.

She just looked helplessly between Felipe and Guillermo, her wrinkled face taking on a soft expression of alarm. “Mr. Gilbert is having trouble breathing. He needs his asthma stuff. Carlitos didn't find it. He needs his medicine.”

Diana tapped Rick’s side with the back of her hand, giving him a reprehensive look. Not only was Glenn’s life at stake, but someone else’s health was at risk, and here they were, like children fighting over toys, even if on a much bigger scale.

“ _Abuelita_ , hello,” Diana said in a mellow voice, putting her bow away and stepping towards the woman while keeping careful with the dangerous men following her with their eyes and guns. She stretched her hand towards the woman, who grabbed it and Diana held it with both of hers like she used to do with her elderly patients. She took on a kind, professional tone. “Where’s this person, maybe I can help. I’m a nurse.”

Guillermo turned to her. “Wait, you’re a nurse?” his tone of disbelief caused her to raise an annoyed eyebrow over her shoulder. What was with the surprise?

“You can help Mr. Gilbert, too,” the old lady looked up at her and then her grandson. “Felipe, come.”

Felipe glanced from his grandmother to Guillermo, both struggling with the situation. The latter was sweating bullets, no pun intended, and yelled at Felipe to go take care of it and to take his grandmother with him.

“ _Abuela, por favor, ven conmigo_ ,” Felipe begged of her, taking her hand and coaxing her to the back of the garage.

The woman didn’t let go of Diana’s hand, her frail grip tightened and she told her grandson, “ _La chica hermosa es enfermera, puede ayudarte, mijo_.” Diana felt herself blush at the compliment. “ _Pregúntale si tiene novio._ ”

“ _Abuela!_ ” Felipe interjected and tugged lightly on her hand.

“Take me to Mr. Gilbert, _Abuelita_.” Diana chose to pretend she hadn’t heard the woman and took the next step. “I lost my friend around here. You haven’t seen him, have you? His name’s Glenn Rhee.”

“The Asian boy? He’s with Mr. Gilbert,” she said softly, and Diana frowned in confusion. If he was being held hostage, why would he be allowed near the other elders? “Come. Come, I show you.”

Diana’s heart rose in her chest like it had gained wings and she beamed at the old lady and then over her shoulder at her group.

Guillermo contemplated her and the others, his lips pursed and brow furrowed. He looked down, touched the cross of his rosary and hesitated before finally giving in. “Let ’em pass,” he told his men. They all stepped aside to make way, their guns dropping.

Rick, Daryl, and T-Dog were behind her in the blink of an eye, one of them laying a comforting hand on her back, easing the nervousness boiling in her stomach. Glenn, Glenn, Glenn, it was all she could think about.

_Abuelita_ ’s weathered hand in hers was soft to the touch and it reminded Diana of before, of her work and her patients, and she never thought she’d feel nostalgia over that, but there it was, knocking on the door like ‘I’m here, muhfucker, whatchu gonna do about it’.

The woman led them out the garage by a back door, down a narrow alley that opened to a vegetable and flower garden, where a man stood guard. He was alarmed at the sight of them, but Felipe raised his hand to abate him.

Diana smiled sheepishly and nodded at him in greeting, and he nodded back, confusion written on his face.

_Abuelita_ brought them inside the building, the white aesthetic of it reminded Diana further of her time at the clinic and her heart lurched.

Felipe took his grandma from Diana and told her to take him to Mr. Gilbert. Diana followed. She looked inside every room on her way, seeing seniors sitting on armchairs or on their beds while reading old newspapers or quietly conversing with each other. The windows were boarded up, some doors were barricaded, the works.

The old lady led the group into a communal area with a theatre stage, a piano on one corner with a man sitting at it, several round tables here and there, and right at front, a small group of people gathered around the alleged Mr. Gilbert, an elderly black man in a purple mantle, his breathing shallow and wheezy, and triggering enough to make Diana take a deep shuddery breath herself.

Glenn was one of the people standing around him, watching as Felipe coached the man back to a steady breathing pattern and helped him with his inhaler.

“Glenn!” called Diana, relieved to see him well, away from rooftop edges and nasty hounds from hell. She ran to him and fell into his open arms, his smile bright at seeing her.

He cradled the back of her head with one hand and the other tightened around her, grabbing onto her backpack, the only thing he could reach. When they let go, she slapped his upper arm, hard.

Glenn winced and rubbed the spot. “Why?”

“I told you it was dangerous,” she scolded, “you should listen to Diana when she tells you things. I swear I was tempted to find a priest.”

“First, I think Diana shouldn’t talk about herself in the third person, and second, why the hell a priest?” He frowned in confusion.

“To bathe me in holy water and exorcise me of my murderous thoughts,” Diana said blankly and crossed herself.

Glenn snorted at her deadpan expression, which then burst into a giddy smile. She really loved Glenn, she didn’t know what she would’ve done if he’d been hurt.

Rick brought them out of their quiet, friendly banter by asking Glenn what the hell was going on, his expression earnest and grave.

Glenn looked back at Mr. Gilbert and simply said, “Oh, an asthma attack. Couldn't get his breath all of a sudden.”

T-Dog turned to him, enraged, and hissed out, “I thought you were being eaten by dogs, man.”

Glenn turned to the corner of the room, where, on the floor, a little doggy bed housed three tiny Chihuahuas, who yipped at the strangers.

“Vicious, man-eating bitches from hell,” Diana paraphrased sarcastically and resisted the strong urge to run to pet the dogs. She looked at Guillermo and smirked. “Satan must have a soft spot for the cute and tiny.” One by one, the pooches trotted up to them, sniffing around their feet, and Diana couldn’t resist them anymore.

While Rick took Guillermo to the side, Diana stayed by Glenn’s side, kneeling down to bask in the attention, rubbing her hands on the dogs’ short soft fur, their tiny tongues lapping at her fingers, their soft yelps and goofy wags of their tails. She wanted to cry. Would anyone notice if she snuck one out under her shirt? Or in her backpack?

She whined when they lost interest and trotted away, sniffing around the room, the new scents from the strangers piquing their curiosity.

She straightened herself and followed their movements wistfully, hands clutched over her bursting heart. She loved dogs so much.

Glenn cleared his throat. “Need a moment?”

“I’m okay,” she sighed and composed herself. “I was so worried, dude,” she told Glenn, focusing back on him and put her arm around his shoulder, bringing him in to kiss his cheek.

“Hey and I wasn’t? When I saw you from that roof, I had no idea what to do ‘cause I knew you’d put yourself in danger to come get me. You’re stupid like that.” Glenn smirked and Diana gasped in mock offense while putting a hand on her chest.

“Diana, Glenn,” Rick interrupted, him and the others were following Guillermo out of the gymnasium.

The man took them to a staff lounge/maintenance room, the boarded up window letting only trickles of light shine through, and he found his perch with his back to it, bathing him in a veil of gold.

Diana leaned awkwardly against the nearest wall, not knowing what to do with herself, jostling her bow so it didn’t dig into her flesh.

Guillermo told them how their people came to be, how the Vatos had come to check on their family and some decided to stay and so they built up their manpower, which came in handy to defend them and the old people against plunderers, who came for their food and medicine.

Speaking of medicine, Diana considered for a second asking if they had anything to spare but thought it would be selfish of her to take anything from these people who had almost nothing, so she kept her lips sealed.

“-and you show up with Miguelito hostage…appearances,” he explained, raising his eyebrows once in resignation. He glanced at Diana. “And you with that strange thing.”

Diana blinked and pursed her lips. “What do you want me to say?” She shrugged helplessly.

“That is some outta-this-world kinda shit, _mami_ , don’t tell me you ain’t thought about it.”

“I’ve only ever had more questions than answers, so I learned to just go with it,” she said honestly. It wasn’t like the thing had come with a FAQ manual, although that would’ve been pretty handy. All she got so far was the vague notion that there was someone like her out there, maybe. She wasn’t even certain of _that_.

Guillermo nodded pensively and then added, “And you said you’re a nurse? That true?”

She straightened herself and uncrossed her arms. “Yeah, I mean, yeah, last year of school while working at a rehabilitation clinic,” she admitted. She had never talked specifics of her work with anyone with common ground.

“Rehab?” Guillermo asked, incredulous.

“No uh, rehabilitation as in people go there after hospitalization after an accident or because of an illness to receive therapy and heal up enough to be able to go home or wherever.” Diana tilted her head. “I worked in a station that took in patients with either neurological or orthopedic background, so there were mostly elders.”

“Huh,” he huffed and suggested, “you could stay here with us, we could use some more capable hands.”

“Oh,” Diana interjected, taken aback, and fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, “sorry, but no thanks, I’m- I have- I’ve family waiting back at- I can’t-”

He cocked his head and his voice was sincere, “That’s a pity, _mami_ , we’d take good care of you, _I’d_ take good care of you.”

“That’s enough of that,” T-Dog interrupted loudly, protective over his pseudo-sister, and then he whispered, “Keep a leash on it, Dixon.”

Diana felt her cheeks and neck flush. Guillermo was a good looking guy, right up Diana’s alley, and she’d never had anyone like him flirt with her. She didn’t blame herself for being flustered, it was a natural reaction. But to do so in the presence of others was too embarrassing. She planted her gaze on the ground and let it take root there.

She disliked it, despite the tone of sincerity, it still felt like he was mocking her.

“Hey,” Rick called, breaking Guillermo out of his heated stare, “You have any plans for these people?”

He sighed and opened his arms in defeat. “The Vatos work on those cars, talk about getting the old people out of the city. But most can't even get to the bathroom by themselves,” he admitted, “still, it keeps the crew busy, and that's worth something.

So we barred all the windows, welded all the doors shut except for one entrance. The Vatos, they go out, scavenge what they can to keep us going. We watch the perimeter night and day and we wait. The people here, they all look to me now. I don't even know why.”

“Because they can,” said Rick after a second of contemplation.

Diana interrupted the moment by anticlimactically bursting into a coughing fit into her elbow. She looked up the people that turned to stare at her in worry and waved her hand in apology. “Sorry,” she wheezed out and continued painfully hacking, the air burning and scratching her throat with the force. It was a heavy sound, like sandpaper on wood and it felt just as rough.

“You alright?” asked Daryl, suddenly at her side.

“Yep, keep going.” She coughed her last, forcing it to an end, almost choking on the withheld air. “I’m used to it.” She was sure her face was flushed, and the sudden attention on her didn’t help, so she dismissed the stares with her hand and simultaneously fanned her flushed cheeks. “I said I’m fine, stop looking at me!”

With that order, all heads snapped away and Rick focused back on Guillermo and silently offered him his shotgun, bringing them back to the point.

She absentmindedly watched the two men divide the fire weapons equally among them, and Rick showing which ammo went in which gun.

Diana nodded to herself, satisfied, no bloodshed, no lives lost. Today was a good day, despite Merle’s disappearance, and well, the lecture Diana knew she would receive when she got back to camp. She swallowed hard and felt her stomach turn; she was _not_ looking forward to that.

She was startled back into focus by Daryl, his hand on her shoulder as he gestured with his head that they were leaving.

Diana had to go say goodbye to the dogs before leaving, the temptation to just snatch one out with her was too great, and she had to almost be physically forced to walk away.

At the door on the way out, Guillermo stopped them and thanked them once more, in his own prideful way, and he turned to Diana with a final offer, “We don’t have much but we have each other. And I’d have you, if you’d have me. _No he sentido el tacto de una mujer desde hace una eternidad_ and I’ve never seen anyone like you.”

Diana blushed to the tips of her ears and looked away from Guillermo’s sensuous and intense dark brown gaze. Goddamn him for being Diana’s type.

“Uhm, I- uh, I’m just-, I think you’re just saying that ‘cause you haven’t seen another woman in a while ‘cause, really, I’m just like everyone else.”

She felt flattered at his words, but disliked being put on a pedestal; she was not something special apart from the rest of humanity, everyone was like everyone else in the sense that they all differed from one another. As corny as it sounded, it could almost be said that every person was their own different snowflake, and she was just another one.

Gah, that sounded so clichéd, Diana could almost cringe.

“But the other thing,” she murmured, “I think… I think I can do something about it.”

She climbed up the steps to Guillermo, heart beating fast in anticipated embarrassment, and stopped on the one below him. She rested her palm against his stubbled cheek and brought his face down while rising on the tips of her toes. She planted her lips against his other cheek in a gentle and innocent peck, the hairs on his face scratching the soft skin of her lips.

Leaning away, Diana whispered, “I wish you a long life.” What else could she say that was relevant? “Without many struggles but tons of love. You don’t really need me, but I have people who do, and they’re waiting for me right now. You have people who need you, too. Cherish that. That’s a gift.”

Guillermo’s brow was furrowed as he appraised her, his eyes searching her face. Then he held her by the back of her head and Diana was struck with the sudden fear that he would kiss her, but his lips connected with her forehead instead.

He moved away, but his hand stayed. He stared hard at her and then said, “Go,” with a heavy voice that felt like less of an order and more of a plea.

Diana nodded, flustered and relieved, and trotted down the stairs back to her awaiting group. When she looked back up, the door was closed.

“What was all that about?” Daryl asked harshly, breaking the silence as they walked away.

“That looked straight out of a Spanish soap opera,” Glenn commented in amusement.

“I don’t know. I was just being nice.” Diana shrugged, downplaying how affected she’d been by Guillermo’s words and Guillermo himself.

She had always been insecure about herself, personality as well as looks, always thinking her brain must’ve been wired wrong and that God had played a cruel prank when putting together her parts, all of that backed up by years of self-esteem issues originating from the discrimination of adults and the harshness of teenage boys and girls. And Guillermo’s apparent attraction to her astounded her.

She had heard compliments before, especially at times when she put extra effort into her appearance, but she’d never experienced such intense advances before; it made her a little uncomfortable, to be honest, as it brought back some unpleasant memories that would best be unremembered.

“Can you start being nice like that to us, too?” Glenn teased and elbowed her on the side, but dwelling on it only made Diana’s insides squirm with discomfort.

“That’s enough, okay? Please,” Diana begged, rubbing her ribs and adjusting her bow on her shoulder before quickening her stride.

“Diana? Y-”

“So, Rick, about that hat, huh?” Diana interrupted, looking back at the Sheriff, his outfit more complete with the headwear.

Glenn seemed to take the hint to drop the subject. “Yeah, admit it, you only came back to Atlanta for the hat.”

Rick grinned at them secretively. “Don’t tell anybody.”

“You've given away half our guns and ammo,” Daryl complained, changing the subject quite abruptly.

“They need it as much as we do,” Diana defended with a sigh, falling back into the ranks at Daryl’s side, and Rick added that it wasn’t nearly the half of them.

“For what? Bunch of old farts who are gonna die off momentarily anyhow? Seriously, how long you think they got? How long you think your boyfriend’s got?” he spat, his voice on another level of annoyed.

Diana slapped his arm with the back of her hand. “Don’t be rude,” she chided and chuckled when Daryl mumbled her words to himself in a mocking tone. “Seriously, you’re such a child.”

“What the hell?” Glenn interjected, stopping them in their tracks.

They were at the train tracks where they’d parked the van, but the vehicle itself was nowhere to be seen.

Diana spun, looking around, maybe they were in the wrong place? She had a pretty bad sense of orientation, but it still looked like they’d come to the right spot.

“Where the hell’s our van?” Daryl asked, working himself up, his shoulders tensing so familiarly.

“We left it right there. Who would take it?”

“Merle,” Rick affirmed, and there was a beat of horrified silence.

“Shit,” Diana whispered, eyes widening, and then spoke up, “Oh shit, we have to hurry back.”

Daryl nodded at her and added, “He's gonna be taking some vengeance back to camp.”

oOo

Night had fallen, painting the world a few shades darker and robbing them of most of their vision.

Diana was exhausted from all the running and had resorted to a slow shamble at the tail of the group as she was pulled along. Her lungs forcing themselves to inhale and exhale, and her wheezing breath was painful to hear and even more painful to feel. She liked running, but this was just overdoing it.

Daryl had relieved her of her backpack right when she’d showed first signs of tiredness, and had even volunteered to give her a ride on his back, but she told him she’d feel like a self-indulgent, self-serving cow if she did that, so he’d been contented with pulling her by the hand so she wouldn’t fall too far behind or trip on anything she couldn’t see.

Diana appreciated the gesture, and she appreciated the soft electric feeling of his palm on hers, what she didn’t appreciate was the pace he was forcing her to keep up with. She was dying!!! Sure, she wanted to get back to camp as quick as possible, who knew what mischief Merle was up to? But she wanted to get there in one piece, one breathing piece, if preferable.

Was that blood she was tasting?

Then, shots sounded in the near distance, from up on camp, and they were stupefied into a stop before they sprinted up the path, Diana almost sobbing from overexertion, her chest hurting like she’d swallowed a rock and it had gotten stuck halfway down.

Merle was just one person, no matter how much chaos he tried to play up, he was overnumbered by a ton.

…So why was there so much shooting going on?

Okay, consider her officially worried.

They stumbled into camp, and Diana was overwhelmed with the utterly horrible sight of the frenzy of the campers and walkers everywhere.

Her heart dropped to her stomach as she tried to catch her breath without having her lungs collapse.

“Stay behind me!” Daryl shouted at her and felled a walker that came towards them.

Shot after shot, he defended them while giving her the time needed to get herself ready.

Diana trembled, the adrenaline making her heart race ever faster. She tugged on her backpack on his back, letting him know she was fine and readied her bow with shaking hands.

All that crossed her mind was ‘aim, shoot, aim, shoot, aim, shoot’ over and over. She stayed only alert enough to distinguish the alive from the dead and keep herself away from their grasping range.

Diana jumped with her heart in her throat when a crawler grabbed her sneaker and tried to climb up her leg. She shook it off with a scream, almost losing her shoe and her balance in the process, and shot it before it sunk its teeth into her jean-covered leg.

Diana smacked a walker across the face with a limb of her bow and moved away from it, putting enough distance between them to shoot it. She was sure she would’ve been much more freaked out in this situation if she hadn’t gone through what she had the day before to escape from the store and the city.

“Diana!”

The shout that caused her to jump was accompanied by a shot that felled a walker sneaking its way up to her. She didn’t see who had saved her ass but didn’t dwell on it longer than necessary. There was too much going on at the moment for that.

A new purpose overcame her.

Diana brought down a walker in her path with a quick steady draw. She didn’t slow down, she knew where she had to go, she knew who to look out for.

She couldn’t care less about what was happening around her, her main priority right now was finding her family.

She had to get back to them, she had to see them alive and well.

A few more shots rang out in the background and the sounds of the dead were finally put to rest. A sense of restless quiet reigned, the sounds of sobbing prominent in the air.

Diana spun around, feeling her heart in her throat, and saw familiar faces everywhere, both living and dead, but not the faces she was looking for.

“ _Mami!_ ” she called, “ _Papá!_ ” She strode towards their camp, her tired legs about to give out until she reached the two lone tents by the tree line, the clothesline ripped and clothes were strewn about, the foldable chairs knocked off their feet.

Nobody in sight.

The panic came back, renewed and grand, and she was growing desperate.

“Alice! Felix!” she shouted, peeking into the tents and seeing nobody and nothing. The absence of everything was unnerving.

Where were they? Where were they? Where were they? Where were they? Where were they? Where were they? Where were they? Where were they? Where were they? Where were they?!

Diana felt like tearing her hair out. Her eyes stung with premature tears. She couldn’t lose them, she couldn’t.

Something caught her eye behind the tents, a lone figure running into the woods. Diana didn’t catch any details, just a blur in motion, and she honestly didn’t care if it was a walker or not, she just followed, walking around her and the kids’ sleeping quarters.

In the dark, she heard a sniffle, and then a whimper, and her heart stilled, as well as her legs. Diana’s gaze caught Felix behind their tent, his tall, wiry frame bunched together, back turned to her as he knelt by something she could barely discern in the blue darkness of the night.

“Felix?” she prompted, terrified of what was causing him to sob like that. Her body screamed at her with anticipation, her breath hitched in her throat.

Her small steps towards the boy stopped. A white-hot rod pierced through her chest. The strength left her body and she fell to the ground, bow thudding on the dirt.

She felt boneless, heartless, soulless.

This must be another one of her weird dreams. A dream, just a dream. And she would blink awake and everything would be alright.

Because how could something like this not be out of a nightmare?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooooooooh
> 
> (pls leave a comment, i'm needing some love)


	30. we endure

oOo

Was there a single word that conveyed absolute, world-shattering devastation?

There was so much happening within Diana at the same time that she didn’t know what to think, how to react, how to even speak. The chaos shut down her mind to the bare basics.

She felt everything and nothing. The seconds ticked back and forth, keeping her stuck waist-deep in the quicksand of time.

Her eyes stung and when she blinked time resumed its unfair march, unforgiving.

With what little strength she had left, Diana’s sisterly instinct forced her to crawl on all fours to her brother’s side.

Felix sobbed and whimpered, his slumped shoulders shaking, his hands grabbing frantically at his locs. He was whispering something too low and raspy for Diana to hear.

Her chest felt constricted with emotion that she wasn’t yet capable to discern. Felix jumped when her hand touched his back. His twisted expression of pain didn’t budge, but he buried his face in his sister’s embrace as soon as he recognized her.

Diana remained silent except for her gentle shushing and wordless comfort. Their arms were fast around the other and Felix’s tears had already soaked Diana’s shirt so that her shoulder felt wet.

Diana felt something rise up the back of her throat, making her breathing shallow, but she couldn’t discern what it was, her mind was too muddled. She simply rocked her brother and cradled and caressed his head.

Her eyes were wide on her parents. They lied mangled and sprawled in a pool of their own blood. The metallic scent stung her nostrils and tickled the back of her throat and she sensed the bitter stink of vomit coming from her little brother.

The pieces of the puzzle were compatible, but her mind refused to put them together.

They both sat there, paying vigil, one scarred, one stunned, both exhausted. Diana didn’t know how long it took, but eventually, Felix’s sobs subsided and his deep sighs tickled her shoulder, raising goosebumps that tightened her skin almost painfully.

“Where’s Alice?” Diana managed, the words no louder than a sigh.

Felix’s head shook from side to side from where it was buried in the crook of her neck.

Diana unglued herself from him and cradled his face in both hands. She saw the whites of his eyes in the dark as he stared down at her with a look of desperation. “Don’t leave me,” he croaked out, clinging to her with desperate hands.

She hushed him, stood on wobbly legs and tugged him up gently until he towered over her.

What was she to do? She was at a loss, nothing made sense anymore. There was a physical ache in her chest; she ignored it, pushed everything down, forced all semblance of emotion to the edge of her being. She needed… she needed rational thought, not sentiment.

Diana felt like she was on autopilot. She straightened out a folding chair and forced Felix onto it. One second her lips were pressed against his forehead, the next she was kneeling next to her dad.

She wanted to help them, to patch them up, to heal them, to put her goddamn skills to some fucking use!

She felt herself shaking and balled her hands into fists. Her breathing came out shaky, sobs threatening to come out while she tried her damn best to suppress them. Tears fell as soon as she shut her eyes.

No! She schooled her breathing and wiped her cheeks.

She raised her hands but didn’t know what to do, where to begin, where to touch.

Sam’s face was turned to the skies and his hand and Irene’s were reaching towards each other. His neck and shoulder were torn and bloody, the rings of his trachea visible even in the dark of the night.  Diana had to avert her eyes to compose herself to some extent. His arms were mangled like twigs; defensive wounds.

“ _Papá_ ,” Diana whimpered and stroked the man’s warm crimson cheek with a trembling hand.

She touched her forehead to her dad’s and closed her eyes. His skin was still warm, a cruel deceit. Her hand came back wet with blood no matter where she touched.

“You’re back.”

Diana jumped at the voice. Alice stood towering over their mother, facing her. Her face was blank, a perfect canvas. She knelt down at their mom’s side while Diana examined her. The pattern of her striped shirt was wrongly interrupted by dark splatters and dragged handprints.

Alice’s hand drew slowly over their mom’s face as she carefully closed her eyes. Diana just stared. There was a void in her chest and it kept her from wanting to move. Her eyes followed her sister’s movement languidly, then they slid over their mom’s form.

Her wounds didn’t differ much from her husband’s, but her abdomen had been ripped open, viscera spilling out. Diana couldn’t look at her any longer, she couldn’t look at any of them. She refused to acknowledge any of it. None of it was real!

It started with a flood of tears, frenzied and warm down her cheeks, then her hands pulling at her hair, then her breathing became too quick and shallow too fast. The beat of her heart filled the void in her chest until it was overflowing and everything became overwhelming. She didn’t know if the screaming was in her head or out her throat.

Her hands were torn away from her head, strong fingers encasing her wrists, and she was forcibly shaken. Her eyes refocused and blinked the tears away and saw Alice. Her blank canvas had been painted with tones of disappointment and something else.

“Pull your shit together,” she told Diana, “before I slap you.” Diana knew her sister; this was no idle threat.

Her chin trembled and her brow furrowed deeper. “Alice,” she whined.

“We really don’t have time for this bullshit,” she hissed with another shake, “You know what happens when they’re bit,” her voice got thick and cracked at the end, but she cleared her throat and disregarded it.

Diana nodded minutely and Alice let go of her wrists. She felt hurt like never before, like she was being pulled into a black hole atom by atom, but she _was_ aware that time was scarce. That much was clear to her.

She wiped her tears and snot on her shirt and nodded once again, surer. She held an unsteady hand out for the hunting knife in Alice’s grip; dad’s knife that she’d taken off his body just before.

“What?” the girl demanded, glaring at the proffered hand.

“ _Papá_ once said… he said…” a miserable whine escaped from the back of Diana’s throat and she snapped her mouth shut to keep from crying. Her eyes burned with rising tears. She took a deep shuddering breath. “ _I_ have to do it.” She moved her hand emphatically.

Alice seemed to ponder for a second whether or not to be insulted at their father’s implication, but resigned and shoved the hilt of the knife onto Diana’s waiting hand.

Diana’s breath hitched in her throat. The knife had never felt so heavy.

A hand on her shoulder made her blink and gaze up at the source. Felix looked down at his sisters, calmer than before, but the depth of grief etched in his young features. He knelt next to them.

The message was clear, Diana might be the one to wield the knife, but she wasn’t alone.

With a silence nothing short of holy, Alice and Felix held up their father’s head and Diana held the tip of the blade to where his skull met his spine, her heart wrenching as she stared into her dad’s dull eyes.

She dropped the knife down with a sob. She couldn’t, she couldn’t do it.

His hazel-green eyes were open to the skies, endlessly staring at the faint stars and the moon, their light reflecting in them. Alice’s hand trembled as she closed them. Those eyes had shed tears when she was born, tears for a baby he was too afraid to hold, afraid he’d break her. _Papá’s little girl_. That’s what Diana had always been. He loved his children so dearly, had sacrificed so much for their future. It was so bitter.

If you ignored his wounds, he looked like he was sleeping, pure and simply sleeping.

Diana felt the knot in her chest tighten, the void opening wider, threatening to tip her over the edge.

A low whimper began forming in the back of her throat as her chin quivered. Why did this have to happen to Sam and Irene? She would selfishly sacrifice the rest of the remaining live population to have her family complete once more. She would cut off her own arm and leg to have them back, there was literally nothing she wouldn’t do.

“Diana,” Felix jolted her from her dark thoughts, and her watery eyes met his.

His shaky hand wiped the tears from her cheeks and she nodded, steeling herself.

Everything was so sudden. She knew time was of the essence, but it felt like they were going through the motions too quickly, not giving themselves time to just grieve. It was beyond fucked up, but there was nothing they could do about it, it was the new way of the world. If they didn’t accept it, they would be buried under it.

Both Alice and Felix helped lift Sam’s limp head off the ground once more. Diana grasped the hilt of the hunting knife with both hands and with a quick jerk buried it into the back of their dad’s head.

The three released a breath in unison. It was done.

Diana combed her fingers through her mom’s dark brown hair; the dye job was on its last feet. Irene had always complained about wanting to redo it. She, Diana, and Alice would always choose the next color together, it was one of their mother-daughter bonding rituals, one of many. Never again.

Felix caressed her face with a careful sweep of his hand _._ “I love you,” he whispered, followed by a sniff. It broke Diana’s heart into even smaller pieces.

Why was this happening to them? What wrong did they ever do to deserve this? Was it some cosmic consequence? Diana’s mind reeled; was it any sort of equivalent exchange for the bow? She would more than willingly give it back if that was the case!

Alice and Felix held up their mom’s limp head, and with a squelching sound, the blade slipped into the back of her skull.

Felix scrambled away to dry heave by a tree, his empty stomach coming up with nothing, and Alice joined his side, kneeling down to rub his back as he sobbed.

Diana couldn’t move, could barely breathe, her legs were numb from sitting on them but she remained still, limp hands on her lap, the knife had long slipped from her grasp.

When Felix’s stomach settled, they joined her. The three sat by their parents’ side, unmoving, unspeaking until dawn rose. The new day felt more like the beginning of a new nightmare or the continuation of one, other than a symbol of hope. The red sky was a waving flag, telling of the bloodshed that had occurred that night.

Glenn wandered into their camp just as the first rays hit them, worried off his cap. The shock from the sight made its way to his features; he looked as pale as a sheet. He’d lost part of his family again that night.

He knelt with them, head bowed in respect, not a word escaping his lips. His arm came around Alice, who not very surprisingly accepted the comfort and even leaned into him. He shared a look with Diana and gave her a small nod, which she returned.

His appearance made something start ticking again inside her. She turned to Felix, who had been loosely grasping their mother’s hand with a distance in his eyes, and she put an arm around him.

The boy jolted and faced her, his eyes no longer glossy. Diana mustered the smallest smile and rested her head on his shoulder. She felt his cheek rest against the top of her head in the next second, and his arm was fast around her.

They didn’t stay like that for long before Alice stood up, detangling herself from Glenn, heaving a great sigh.

Glenn stared up at her, confounded at her suddenness. He spoke his first words since joining them, “Where are you going?”

“I can’t just sit here, I can’t just-” She bent down and took the knife from Diana’s lap. “I gotta do something.” She shifted awkwardly, passing the blade from hand to hand, her knuckles white around the hilt each time. “I’ll carve their names, for the- for the… graves.”

Alice didn’t like dwelling on things for long, that’s how she’d always been. Dwelling meant darker and darker thoughts would infiltrate her mind, and she’d only struggle more to be set free.

Diana nodded once, understanding. Alice took a glance at the bodies of the people that she loved unconditionally, pressed her lips together, steeled herself, and turned on her heel.

Diana looked around. She didn’t know what came next. She didn’t know how to navigate in the world without her parents’ guidance. She had always counted on them for everything, and had thought she’d be able to do so for many more years to come, even with the fucking apocalypse sprung on their asses, even with the close encounters they’d had, even after the multiple discussions that had ensued from approaching such subjects.

She had naively continued to think that her parents would die of old age and would be there to see her and Alice and Felix grow into their desired lives, not a care in the world.

God, how much more stupid could she get?

Diana felt her eyes well up again, her heart clenching in her chest like someone was trying to fit it through the eye of a needle.

What if she had stayed? What if she’d run a little faster? What if she wasn’t a selfish, stubborn asshole who didn’t know when to stay put or swallow her pride? It seemed her thoughts consisted only of ‘what ifs’.

She’d told herself she would beg for her mother and father’s forgiveness as soon as she came back. Well, now there was no one to beg to, and the guilt was still all there, bubbled up inside her like an overinflated balloon. She felt like screaming, fucking yell at the world, the universe, God, whoever was listening, to either kill her off as well or go fuck themselves, one of both.

“I wanna help,” Glenn interrupted, thankfully – Diana was dangerously close to the edge, if not already tipping over. He glanced at her and Felix. “I’ll help you whatever way I can, just tell me what you wanna do.”

Diana nodded, forever grateful. She looked at Felix, whose head had come to rest on her shoulder, his eyes shut from exhaustion. She buried her own selfish guilt and focused on doing what she did best: care for others.

“Hey, baby brother,” she cooed. Even though she knew Felix detested being addressed as so, he didn’t protest it this time. “It’s gonna be okay,” she said. She caught Glenn’s downcast gaze and said, to both, and a little bit to herself, “You’re not alone. We’re not alone.”

She took a deep breath, the cogs in her brain turning and turning for some sort of comfort to spew out. Felix raised his head, took her hands and squeezed them. He shook his head minutely and said, “Not today.” He stood and towered over her. “It’s too soon.”

Diana nodded with understanding. He needed time. So did she. She took his extended hand and stood as well.

Glenn joined their side, a hand on Diana’s back, rubbing circles. She shuddered a sigh and feathered her knuckles over Felix’s cheek. “Go to Alice. Keep each other company.”

“Why? I wanna be here,” he protested.

“I just thought… you wouldn’t want to see them like this.”

Felix glanced downwards, his chin quivering just slightly, but he shook his head. “It’s mom and dad,” he said, firmly, “I won’t abandon them now.”

“You wouldn’t be abandoning them,” Diana insisted. She knew the trauma might only add to his fear of death, she wanted to spare him that.

Felix’s fists clenched until the knuckles cracked. “I’m staying.”

Diana nodded in consent.

Glenn left soon after, promising to return as quick as possible. Diana hugged him tight before he was gone. No words were exchanged, but the sentiment was understood.

She watched him leave and made a mental list of the things they’d need. There was that objectivity again, helping her bury those overwhelming feelings beneath almost professional levelheadedness.

She rubbed her hands down her face, pressing the pads of her fingers down on her eyes until she saw stars and swirls. With a deep breath, she told Felix to take a basin and gather some water from the lake.

Diana bent down to collect her bow on her way to her parents’ tent. The bow was silent and unresponsive, perhaps mimicking her.

Once inside, she threw it onto her parents’ sleeping bag and knelt by their baggage. She rummaged through it and carefully picked out the items she sought. She didn’t think of the connotations behind what she was doing, she only did it.

With arms full, she ducked back outside, morning sun blinding her from its low position on the horizon. She turned her back on it and returned to mom and dad. Felix was back, a bowl of water set down next to him.

Diana took over the washing, using an old sleeping shirt of hers to clean away drying blood from their skin. She dressed the visible wounds on their necks, unworried with wasting resources on this matter.

With Felix’s hesitant help, she began dressing them both in dark long sleeved shirts, covering blood stains and hiding brutal gore from sight. Poor Felix began dry heaving halfway through but still refused to leave them.

Diana breathed shallowly, wincing as she grabbed her mother’s fleshless arm and slipped it through the sleeve. She tried to imagine a whole other scenario, just putting herself out of that situation to keep from breaking down.

While Felix was off to the side, now sobbing, she pulled the shirt down over Irene’s torso, the one underneath soaked through with crimson. She tried to overlook the irregular shaped bulge on her mom’s abdomen, but the bit of gut peaking from the side caused her to gag and immediately feel guilty about it. This was her mother, she should not be feeling disgusted, even under these circumstances. It would cheapen Irene’s last moments, her courage; everything she did had been to keep her children safe. The same could be said about Samuel.

Diana chided herself. Felix plopped back down next to them, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. She asked him if he was okay and the boy merely nodded, sweat beaded on his brow and lips chapped with dehydration.

He took the jewelry she had brought and put it on Irene. He clasped the golden chain around her neck, a gold plate engraved with a picture of Diana, Felix, and Alice when they were younger was the only adornment. Felix pressed it against Irene’s chest.

Diana combed her mother’s hair and put on her ears the diamond earrings Diana had bought for her last birthday on behalf of her children.

In the meantime, Felix took Sam’s crucifix by the clasp and brought the ends together at the back of his dad’s neck. His long finger followed the path of the cross before tucking it under his shirt.

Glenn appeared with light steps, as to not intrude, and crouched by Diana’s side. “Hey, I uh- I got these from Lori, she sends her condolences.” He laid a couple of folded white sheets next to her.

Diana scoffed lightly at his words while dabbing the shirt on some leftover blood on Sam’s neck and face. She saw Glenn flinch. Before he could stand up to leave, she grabbed him by the wrist and held him in place.

She sighed dejectedly and looked up at his face, his insecurity showing. “I’m- I’m sorry. It wasn’t directed at you.” She looked away for a second, feeling slightly overwhelmed with gratitude for her friend. She was thankful to have him, and didn’t want to scare him off by being a bitch. “Thank you,” she said, staring into his brown eyes, hoping to convey without words how much he and everything he did meant to her.

Glenn’s lips pulled into a small smile, and he pulled her in to kiss her forehead. “I’m here. Alice, Felix, and you, you have me, and the rest of the survivors. We’re… we’re a family. People are worried.” He ruffled her hair. “I know it doesn’t stop the pain, but know that you’re not alone.”

Diana managed a sliver of a smile, moved at his words. Her eyes prickled with tears of ambiguous nature and her chest clenched painfully. She nodded at him.

“We’re uh- we’re making the rounds, burying our people...” He let the proposal hang unsaid, raising his brow.

Diana looked at Felix, who had Irene’s hand in his own and was caressing it lovingly while gazing down at the woman.

“We need a little more time,” she whispered and Glenn consented. With a final gentle smile, he stood and left.

oOo

Alice reappeared about the time they were finished. She told them how she had gone and chosen the grave with the best view of the lake so that Sam and Irene’s final resting place could be a place of beauty, and only good memories could be called upon when visiting them.

Because Diana would make sure they’d be able to visit, even if they lived all the way across the country and the place was overrun.

The three steeled themselves for the farewell. To the people who had raised them and loved them to the best of their ability. To the two people who had lived through great sacrifices just for their sakes. The people whose last sacrifice had been to ensure all others hadn’t been in vain.

Diana kissed each on the forehead, each one full of regret, but outweighed by love and tenderness. The last kiss she would ever give them before they were gone forever. How she wished they could kiss her back, hold and comfort her.

Felix followed her example and planted one on their cheeks, tears slipping from his shut eyes, his brow furrowed in pain.

Alice demanded her brother and sister to look away, so Diana had no idea what her last gesture towards their parents had been. But she could swear she’d heard her whisper something.

Then, they wrapped them in the sheets with all the care in the world, brushing away stray dirt and flattening out the extra wrinkles.

Alice showed them the name plaques she had carved. She had marched into camp and had smashed a wooden crate to collect the best pieces of clean wood for them. Then, on them, she had carved: ‘Irene Luisa García de Oliveira Lobo’, the name of a great and proud woman, and, ‘Samuel Ravi Lobo’, the powerful name of a loving man of few words.

She had carved crude geometrical hearts at the beginning of their names, and the little detail made Diana’s breath hitch in her throat.

Glenn made his next appearance shortly after, accompanied by Daryl’s pick-up truck and the man himself. The three children took over the task of raising them onto the bed of the vehicle, not giving anyone else the chance to touch Sam and Irene. This was their job and theirs alone.

They rode on the back with them, up to where fresh graves had been dug on the place Sam had taught them self-defense. Memories were etched into every blade of grass and speck of dirt. It was rubbing salt into the wound to bury them in a place where they had made plans for the future, where they’d had spent so much time, having wholesome family fun, sometimes even seriously beating each other up, but always with a clear objective in mind: survival.

It was enough to make one bitter.

Alice, Felix, and Diana lowered their mother and father into their assigned grave, the hole just big enough to fit them both abreast. The weight of their limp bodies was nothing compared to the weight in their souls. Diana felt decades older.

They shoveled dirt with their bare hands onto the two featureless figures, every scoop making the two people who loved them and whom they loved unconditionally disappear from their world just like that.

And just like that they were no longer there, would no longer joke and laugh with them. No more Irene spontaneously bursting into song and dance, enticing them into joining her, no more of Sam’s random crushing hugs and pokes to their sides, which he knew annoyed them, no more loving parents making snarky remarks about their childish dependency on them.

Oh, how right they’d been about that, and how they wished they didn’t have to find out so soon.

There were no tears shed, only vacant eyes and hollow chests and deaf ears to the empty sentiments of others.

‘They were good people’, ‘they’ll be missed’, ‘I’m sorry for your loss’, it all meant shit to them coming from strangers. But Diana said her downtrodden ‘thank you’s for the three of them and internally told them to fuck off.

Alice didn’t bother internalizing such thoughts and made them known both verbally and nonverbally, and Diana couldn’t reprimand her for it.

Felix said nothing at all, ignoring everyone who offered him their condolences and flinching away from any unfamiliar hands that attempted comfort; he didn’t care what people thought of his rudeness, they would just sum it up to grief.

The smell of burning flesh stung their noses, and the sun’s heat was sweltering, raising beads of sweat that ran down their skin as soon as they appeared.

Once they were the last ones left standing in that makeshift graveyard, Diana stared down at the plaques Alice had laid by the head of the grave.

There they were, just three more motherless and fatherless kids, just three more orphans in this unforgiving world.

Diana broke the silence with a hoarse voice, “Remember what they said when this all started? ‘We’re _lobos_ , we stick together’ …”

“… ‘we’re not each other’s weakness …” Alice continued.

“… ‘we’re each other’s strength.’,” finalized Felix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry?
> 
> I know y’all saw this coming… It’s time to get the safety blanket off these kids and throw them out into the real world to fend for themselves. Why not break their hearts in the process?
> 
> I’m actually really sad about this because Sam and Irene were such cool parents and I loved writing them, but it was necessary for character development, so, again, I’m sorry.
> 
> Whatever comes next for them, just remember, people grieve in different ways and I want to portray that with them three.
> 
> PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE A COMMENT OR GIVE KUDOS! I'D APPRECIATE THE SHOW OF LOVE AND SUPPORT!!! LOVE YOU!


	31. new hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is a star wars reference, yes
> 
>  
> 
> **p.s. please read the end note ******

oOo

Felix and Alice had fallen into a restless sleep in Sam and Irene’s tent, lulled by Diana’s gentle fingers grazing their skin. Diana had been tempted to join them, her own exhaustion creeping into her body, making her limbs and eyelids heavy, but there was too much to be done.

She didn’t know what exactly at first, but she knew that she couldn’t nap the day away while the other survivors labored to tend to their wounded and count their dead. One of those was her job.

So she threw herself headfirst into it.

She went into camp, making the rounds, checking up on her patients - the ones that had made it out alive, that is. She added ‘deceased’ and the date of death in her journal on the records of those who hadn’t survived the night. But not to her patient no. 1. Not him, not yet.

Diana was rubbing the tears from her eyes and swallowing the knot in her throat when she was startled by a voice calling her name. She pivoted on the folding chair. “Rick?” She cleared her throat.

The man looked worse for wear, but she guessed everyone did. He approached her with a tired gait, his fingertips rubbing over his eyes and then pinching the bridge of his nose.

Out of professional politeness, Diana offered him her chair and propped up a second one to sit. Rick accepted it reluctantly. She wanted to ask if there was something wrong, but that would’ve been the stupidest question of the year, so she waited for him to speak.

“Diana, I want you to know that I am so sorry for what happened to your family. After you helped me find mine, _this_ happening is… it’s not fair to any of you,” Rick’s voice was grave and honest. “You’re amazing kids, I believe there’s nothing you’d do that wouldn’t make your parents proud…” His blue eyes bore into Diana’s cinnamon brown. “And Diana, your role in this group is invaluable, I hope you know that.

You’ve taken care of us ‘round-the-clock without asking for nothing in return. Well, now I’m offering something, a family. Not a replacement. There’s nothing that could ever replace what the three of you have lost – but an addition. Rely on us like we’ve come to rely on you.

It’s okay to not be strong all the time.”

His short speech had been unexpected but unsurprisingly welcome. Diana didn’t know she was crying until the image of Rick became bent out of shape by the tears in her eyes. The back of her hand flew to wipe them away. She wanted to chuckle to dispel the waterworks, but all that came out were sobs.

She felt moved by Rick’s words. The tears of grief came mixed with relief. Pen and journal went forgotten, tumbling to the ground at her feet, while she curled in on herself, bawling. Rick had knelt by her side, as she could see through the spaces between her fingers. His hand was rubbing up and down her back, and he was hushing her gently like her father would.

She cried even more.

The sobs subsided little by little, and although Diana thought she’d feel embarrassed by making such a scene, she didn’t. She recalled Felix crying earlier when T-Dog came by. Or when she’d comforted fellow survivors who’d also lost loved ones. There was nothing to be embarrassed about when dealing with loss. Rick would understand her tears.

Diana believed that a good cry could make you feel lighter, better. This was like that and it wasn’t. She knew it was only temporary, the grief was still too fresh to be erased so suddenly, no matter how many times she’d already cried that morning.

She straightened herself while sniffing away snot and wiping away tears with the sleeve of her hoodie. She looked into Rick’s empathetic eyes and said, “I-” her voice came out gravelly and she cleared her throat, “Thank you, Rick, for real. From the bottom of my heart. And I… I think I never said how happy I was that you found your family, but I am, Rick. I really, really am.”

Rick smiled a small, almost sad smile and stood up. He was turned to leave when he froze. “There’s uh… there’s another reason I came here.” He faced her with grim lines set in his face. “Jim’s been bitten.”

There was a short flashback to Sam’s mangled neck and Irene’s guts spilling out of her belly that left Diana a little shell-shocked. Rick must’ve seen it because he shook his head and said, “You don’t have to come, just tell us if there’s something we can do and we’ll do it.”

Diana’s eyes fell to her clasped hands on her lap, the fidgeting fingers, nervous and idle. Then her gaze met her fallen journal.

She needed the research…

This viral plague or whatever it was, was new to the human race, and it needed researching. She was a mere nursing student, no Einstein in her field, but the more notes she took, the more information she gathered, the better. If someone more intelligent than she could make use of them…

If it helped to prevent another child losing their parent, or anyone else losing a loved one, then it was worth it. The long dead were long gone, but someone like Jim, there could be hope for someone like him in the future.

Now she needed only see if there was hope for him now.

“Diana?” Rick called, startling her. “It’s okay… No one’s expecting you to-”

“Send someone to look after my kids, Glenn, if he can,” Diana interrupted. She picked up her journal and pen and stood from the folding chair with an aching body. “I’ll gather my things.”

Rick gave her a grateful nod, which Diana returned.

oOo

Rick returned with Glenn in tow. Diana awaited both with her backpack hanging from one shoulder and journal hugged against her chest.

Predictably, Glenn tried to convince Diana that she was not obligated to do absolutely anything. She shut him down by saying that even if she wasn’t obligated, which she kind of was as the caretaker of the group, she would still do it if it meant Jim wouldn’t suffer like her parents did.

Glenn still didn’t seem fully swayed by it, but he understood the sentiment and supported her and promised to look after the kids however long she’d be gone.

“Don’t let them see Jim, though. Please,” Diana begged to both Rick and Glenn. They’d seen the carnage happen, they didn’t need any more reminders of it.

Rick led her through camp, where now, in the daylight, Diana could see the clear aftermath of death. The corpses of both dead and undead had been cleared, but the soil still marked their passing. The smell of burning rotten flesh was still present and added to the stink of viscera and blood, it made Diana queasy.

He led her up to the familiar RV, the symbol of their camp. Some of the survivors stood around it, anxiously waiting. Diana recognized the surprise in some of their faces at seeing her next to Rick, marching up to the vehicle.

Daryl, who had come by earlier and found her crying in her tent after the kids had fallen asleep, who had held her selflessly and wordlessly until she had calmed, came forward. “Hey, what’re you doin’? Where you goin’?” he called, dropping a pickaxe he’d had over his shoulder. He strode towards her and Rick, and addressed the latter, “You keep her outta this, she ain’t gotta see this.”

“I asked and she agreed,” Rick said calmly, facing Daryl, who’d stepped in his path.

“You sick sonovabitch,” Daryl all but yelled in his face. “That fucker’s as good as dead!”

Diana sidestepped both men.

She appreciated Daryl defending her, but she’d already made up her mind, saying more on the subject was only a waste of time, hers and Jim’s.

“Diana!” Daryl called after her. She shot a sarcastic peace sign over her shoulder and climbed into the RV, avoiding Lori who was perched on the front step of it.

Jim lied on the bed in the back, Carol by his side, whispering words of comfort and stroking his hair away from his forehead.

Diana nodded in greeting. Jim only took notice of her once she was standing at the end of the bed, where she set her backpack. His smile came out as a grimace and she was struck with sympathy.

Carol, who was seeing her for the first time after last night, stood from her stool and enveloped her in a hug. Her eyes had been glossy and rimmed red.

Her embrace felt so warm and motherly; Diana fastened her arms around her almost automatically, wanting to hold on to that bittersweet feeling. It made something tighten in her chest and she sighed deeply.

Carol rubbed her back, hushing her. “It’s okay to cry,” she whispered with a voice like dripping honey, “It’s okay to be upset.” Little did she know that all Diana had been doing was crying.

When they parted, Carol caressed her cheek, offered her a sad but heartfelt smile and left without another word.

Diana dried her watery eyes with the back of her hands and plopped herself down on the stool silently.

Jim watched her with half-lidded eyes. “I’m sorry,” were the first words he said to her. Diana wasn’t sure if he meant for her loss or because she had been recruited to help him. So she said nothing.

She tried putting a reassuring smile on her lips when she looked at the man’s fearful face, but it felt too forced, so she let her expression fall to a neutral one. “How’re you feeling?”

He chuckled humorlessly and gestured vaguely with one hand. “Just as good as you can imagine.”

“Yeah, I understand.” That had been a senseless question. She put the back of her hand to his slick forehead - yeah, he was running a fever alright. She considered asking how his pain was on a scale from one to ten, but it felt unnecessary. It was obvious from the way his face was screwed together.

“I’ll give you something for the pain, it’ll also hopefully bring down your fever, but I wouldn’t count on it.” She winced at the casual tone of her remark and cleared her throat. “After that, I have some questions that I need you to answer as truthfully as you can.”

Jim nodded, his eyes looking past her and his breathing ragged.

Diana stood from the stool to fetch a glass of water from Dale’s kitchenette and offered him a Paracetamol from her kit before helping him down both.

She took her journal and opened it to Jim’s entry, which had been dog-eared. She measured his temperature and jotted it down, asking how long ago he’d been bitten, judging roughly how quick it had risen in that period of time. Next was his blood pressure, which was low while his pulse was over 120 bpm.

She wrote down the location of the bite, the size, and how that could affect the spreading of the infection. She asked about his symptoms – body aches like that of a bad flu but 100 times worse, he’d said. Difficulty breathing with a stabbing sensation in the chest, inner tremors, shaky vision…

She wrote down everything she could see and everything she could think to ask.

She took his temperature again and noticed that the pill had been without effect - the fever had risen even more. Diana closed the journal with a sigh. She said nothing to Jim, but she knew he knew.

She snapped on some disposable gloves and prepared to clean and dress his wound.

“I heard what happened.” Jim inhaled shakily. “I know I’m a lost cause, you don’t need to keep-”

“Jim, I’m gonna need you to shut up,” Diana ordered, and then looked up at him, “no offense.” Talking would only raise his already racing pulse, which would only result in the infection spreading faster. Also, she didn’t need to be constantly reminded of what had happened, she _knew_.

He nodded and laid his head back down, his eyes momentarily going out of focus. Daryl had been right, there was nothing she could do to save him, he was practically a dead man already, and she would not be there to watch him come back to life.

She rinsed the wound, stopping when Jim flinched and mumbled an apology. She disinfected it, applied an antibiotic ointment she’d gotten from Glenn, and ended it by covering it with a sterile compress and taping it in place.

“Jim?” she called while removing her gloves, and the man opened his bleary eyes to her. He was bathed in sweat and his skin was still fervent. Diana didn’t know what else to do. It sounded a little cruel, but she didn’t want to waste any antibiotics on a dying man. Firstly, because she didn’t even know the cause of the infection and if they would have any effect on it. Secondly, it would be a waste of resources, and antibiotics were not easy to come by.

“Still here,” he rasped.

Diana sighed and rubbed her temples, with a headache forming under her fingertips. “The pill not helping?”

“I’m fine,” he lied and smiled at her tiredly. He searched for her hand and squeezed it. “Thank you.”

Diana mustered up a sliver of a sad smile and squeezed back. “I’m sorry I can’t do more for you,” her voice was low and heartfelt.

He chuckled and then winced from the pain, a hand stumbling to his abdomen. He opened one eye to peek at her. “You can put one of those arrows of yours in my brain and call it a day.”

“Jim…” Diana looked away. She felt sorry for him but grateful for his patience with her and her questions and lacking knowledge. Not many would’ve been so graceful.

“Tell me, how does it work? When I saw you I thought I was dreaming.” His eyes searched for answers on her face. “What are you?”

“I’m useless, that’s what I am.” The corner of her lip lifted pitifully. Jim squeezed her hand again, bringing her attention back to him.

“No, you’re not. You’re hope. You are a damned man’s hope. You didn’t have to do this for me, you know it’s no use.” He stopped and coughed painfully. “Especially after what happened to-”

“It’s okay, Jim,” Diana interrupted, taking the stab. She let go of his too warm hand, resting it gently on the bed beside him.

He stared at her with fevered glossy eyes and nodded. “Don’t give up on that hope, okay? Even when it gets hard- especially when it gets hard.” The corner of his lip raised painfully. “I know, rich coming from me, right?”

“Thank you.” Diana smiled sadly, if only to appease him, and swept the wet hair from his forehead, the skin never cooling.

“Rick wants to go to the CDC because of me, tell him he doesn’t have to. I won’t make it there.” His eyes were unfocused, blinking uncontrollably for a few seconds before he closed them with a sigh.

Diana stared for a second, scared that she’d just witnessed his last moment. She rested her hand on his chest, the shallow breathing rising and falling his chest made her sigh in relief. Maybe it would’ve been better for him to go like this, relatively peacefully, rather than suffer through whatever was bound to come.

She shook her head, even though she knew he couldn’t see, and gave Jim’s chest a few gentle taps. “We’ll still try.”

She stood in silence, threw the balled up rubber gloves away, refilled the glass and soaked a kitchen cloth with cool water. She guided him to drink a few sips and gently rested the folded cloth across his forehead. Jim sighed and Diana stroked his head in consolation. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. In her thoughts, she apologized to her mom and dad as well.

Why couldn’t she have been there sooner…

Diana shook her head, knowing that starting that line of thought again would not end well. She slowly packed her medkit and journal into her backpack.

She took one last glance at Jim’s resting face, twisted in pain, and climbed out of the RV.

In the time that had lapsed, the other survivors had dispersed and only Lori had remained, surely awaiting her judgment. The woman had been pacing and jumped when their eyes met. She made towards Diana with wide eyes and brow raised in expectation.

“He doesn’t have long,” Diana stated firmly, a hint of sadness, and walked away.

She needed Felix and Alice. As devastating as their situation may be, and it was, time would not pause for them. There were already plans in the making, they needed to decide if they wanted to be part of them.

Diana had heard of the CDC but not much, seeing as she was European and American affairs only interested her when the bizarre was involved. That included abnormal weather conditions, anything related to UFOs, and Trump becoming President. Which she and her siblings still insisted had been the cause of the apocalypse.

But she wasn’t sure about this. She wasn’t sure if they should stay, just for the sake of staying near their parents’ resting place as long as they could be, to properly grieve, or if they should leave for that exact same reason. A constant reminder of what had been taken away from them wouldn’t be good for her and the kids.

And the CDC… Well, if not a cure for Jim, hopefully, they’d find some answers. _If_ the place was still up and running. Who knew if it hadn’t been its fall that had released some kind of pathogen that had initiated this whole mess. No, it would never have reached such a wide radius. Right?

But if it meant answers, Diana was ready to face whatever perils came their way to find a sanctuary and much needed hope.

She needed to talk with Alice and Felix.

oOo

Glenn and the kids were sitting around the fire pit once Diana returned to home camp. Her heart lurched at the sight of them. The clear absence of mom and dad was painful and disturbing. Her eyes jumped to their tent, waiting for them to come out at any second.

“Hey,” Glenn said, breaking her out of her staring as she approached. “I told them about Jim and… what you were doing.”

Diana nodded and swung her backpack from her shoulder and onto a chair. She answered their expectant looks with a slow shake of her head. “There’s not a lot I can do, or anything at all…”

“I see,” Glenn whispered, and looked down at his clasped hands.

Diana stepped forward and plopped herself down onto a sitting log. “There’s something we gotta talk about,” she addressed her brother and sister. They both looked exhausted, like sleeping had had the opposite effect on their bodies. “You know about the CDC?” she started.

Felix nodded but Alice just looked confused. Diana explained shortly what she knew about the government organization and then added, “I heard from Jim that Rick’s planning on taking him there.”

“That means all of us, too,” Alice stated, questioning without asking, leaning backward with crossed arms.

Diana shrugged loosely. “Only if you want to. We don’t gotta go with them. We can stay a little while lon-”

“We should go,” Alice interrupted. She bit the inside of her cheek and seemed to search for her words. She spoke hesitantly, awkwardly, “There’s… nothing we can do here anymore.”

Diana knew what she meant. There was not really a life to be lived in that quarry. It made for a beautiful resting place, that much was true, but they were _alive_.

Felix, elbows propped on his knees, rubbed his eyes hard and nodded with a dragging sigh. “It’s not safe here. Roamers found this place once, they’ll find it again.” His nose scrunched and he added, “It smells so much of blood, it won’t be hard.”

“I know this isn’t a matter that involves me,” Glenn interjected, “but I agree with them.”

There was little to no more discussion left on the subject after that.

oOo

Diana looked around. The remaining campers had gathered for a small meeting, if it could be called that, and everyone was awaiting the return of Shane, Rick, and Dale, who were doing a sweep of the surrounding area for any remaining walkers. Her heart clenched when she thought of how her dad would’ve volunteered to do go with them, his sense of duty and protectiveness never failing.

Felix laid his weary head on her shoulder as if sensing the void in her chest, dragging his chair a little closer to hers. His droopy eyes closed for longer and longer with each blink. Diana caressed his cheek lightly then started grazing her fingertips on the side of his neck and the edge of his hairline. His head only grew heavier.

Alice yawned inaudibly behind her hand. Once she caught her sister’s eyes and saw what she was doing, she immediately rolled up her sleeve up to her elbow and gave her her arm for _cóceguinhas_.

Diana never conceded more gladly.

Among the other survivors, she saw Andrea napping on a chair, a deep wrinkle between her eyebrows, and bloody hands wrapped around a blanket. Diana had been saddened to hear about Amy. She’d been a nice girl; she hadn’t deserved it. But then again, neither had Sam and Irene, but that had never stopped any disaster from happening.

She could empathize with Andrea, felt a little bit sorry for her even, because while Diana still had her siblings, Andrea now had no one.

A hand on her shoulder had her looking up – Glenn. His kind face reminded her that blood family was not the only family she had left, and that made Andrea’s reality all the gloomier.

The awaited group finally returned from the woods. Rick wordlessly joined his wife and child, embracing them. Shane propped his rifle against the back of a chair, which he then held onto, leaning forward into it.

He started off by stating their finds and then gave a small speech on how he trusted Rick’s instincts and that they should too. That those who agreed to it would leave for the CDC in the morning.

Rick nodded in Diana’s direction once his friend was done. “You were with Jim earlier, Diana, what’s your verdict on his condition?”

Her hands stilled and Felix’s head lifted from her shoulder. Diana straightened herself and swallowed around the lump in her throat. “Well, he’s not well, simply put. Uhm, his… his fever won’t go down and he’s in terrible pain. He doesn’t believe in his chances and, honestly, neither do I.”

“You suggesting we leave him behind?” Shane asked, brow furrowed and hand on the waist of his pants.

“No, never. But it’s not up to me.” Diana lifted one shoulder and glanced at her clasped hands.

T-Dog took a step forward. “Y’all coming to the CDC?” he asked, gesturing to the three of them. “Do _you_ think we should go?” that one was directed at Diana.

Diana stared blankly at him. To be honest, if the CDC had not been mentioned, she would not have known where to go from there. She was not particularly savvy about the US geography or its safe locations in case of emergency. But she had examined the CDC point of view and discussed it with her family and had found it to be their best choice.

“I’m not… I’m not at right to tell you what to do or where to go,” she started, choosing her words carefully, “but I believe we should uhm… explore that option. I mean, I want answers as desperately as the next person. The CDC might be the best starting point.”

“Then I’m coming, too,” T-Dog said with a sure nonchalance. “I don’t care about what y’all do, but where Diana and the kids go, I’ll follow.” He gave Felix a lopsided smile while his heavy hand ruffled the boy’s locs.

Silence fell in the round. No one else announced any such similar sentiment, but there were thoughtful faces and glances being exchanged that made Diana think that there might a chance that her opinion might matter enough to enough people as to help make up their mind.

oOo

Diana had been adamant to leave the kids alone while tending to whatever issues were brought to her attention. But Alice had insisted that they would hate her forever if she didn’t let them breathe, and although Diana knew in her subconscious that it was an empty and silly threat, she still didn’t want to risk them resenting her.

They accepted Glenn’s presence more willingly, maybe because it didn’t come with the feeling of an overbearing mother hen that Diana’s did. He kept them entertained and comforted them whenever needed. Alice was less delicate, her steel walls thick and unyielding. Felix’s crying spells lessened as the day went on, but the wound was still fresh and deep, and he was too soft of a boy.  

Diana returned when evening fell, feet dragging and soul weary. How was it possible to feel empty but hurt at the same time?

The only person at home camp was Glenn, who had waited for her to come back. It was incredible how much the two people she considered friends in that quarry differed from one another in terms of personality and how they showed their affection.

Glenn was a constant presence, reassuring and safe. Daryl was timely, checking on her every once in a while, and respecting her needs. It was a solid balance.

“Hey, Dee,” Glenn greeted, standing up to face her.

“The kids asleep?” Diana asked, noticing the zipped up tent.

Glenn shook his head. “Nah, they… they ate and then said they’d be going to visit uh, visit your folks. I thought it’d be best to give them some space.”

Diana opened her arms and Glenn met her halfway for a hug. Her chest felt warm with fondness. She sighed over his shoulder and whispered, “I’m sorry for the babysitting.”

His arms tightened, a hand rubbing the space between her shoulder blades, and he shook his head minutely. “Don’t be sorry.” He let go and held her at arm’s length. “I love you, the three of you. I’d hate myself for all eternity if I wasn’t here for you. I’d feel offended, disgusted even.”

Diana rested her forehead against Glenn’s, a small smile curling on her lips. Grief was not an uncomplicated process, but it could be made more bearable with the right people at one’s side.

He volunteered to stay the night with them, but Diana told him they’d be okay. She couldn’t be selfish about his time. And she didn’t want to become too dependent on him.

The cemetery looked somewhat frightening in the inky night, but peaceful in a bizarre way. Considering what it was the aftermath of, Diana thought the feeling was very contradictory and wrong.

She came onto a scene like something out of a gothic painting. Alice and Felix each lied on one side of the recent grave. A lantern by the name plaques Alice had carved bathed the scene in a dim warm light. The sense of peace overwhelmed the fear.

Diana joined Felix’s side wordlessly, letting the silence continue to reign over them.

They used to stargaze all the time, the five of them in Portugal and then Switzerland. Sprawled out on the tiny balcony of their apartment, eating ice cream and scoping out the navy blue expanse. One time, they saw a UFO zooming by in the direction of the city, they could all swear on it.

Up on the mountain where grandma and grandpa had lived, where they’d always had the best view of the constellations; no big city, no light pollution. Just dotted skies as far as the eye could see, and mom and dad chatting with grandma and grandpa, back when grandpa was alive and grandma wasn’t a badmouthing, backstabbing, jealous hag. They’d drink their late night cup of coffee while Diana and the kids would lie on the terrace, entranced by the view of the stars.

Right now, it felt as if Sam and Irene were right there, right next to them, looking up at the same moon and stars. Or that they were looking down on them from the deep firmament. Twin stars shining their light on their beloved children, watching over them, sending their love across the light-years.

The thought made Diana smile, then the smile cracked, and with it the cloud above her split open, pouring ice down on her. She didn’t cry alone that time.

oOo

Once again, they fell asleep on Sam and Irene’s sleeping bag. Their lingering scent was a feeble comfort, but a comfort nonetheless.

Felix had been lights out as soon as his head hit the nonexistent pillow. Diana had remained wide awake. She heard as insomniac Alice’s breathing became deeper and slower and she murmured faintly in her sleep. Only then did she get blessed with the bliss of unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey lovely people, emotional chapter amirite?  
> as an eager writer, I would like to ask for some feedback on this and future chapters  
> be it a simple "AAAAAHHH" or, you know, something more elaborate  
> there's a serious lack of feedback in the fanfiction community  
> even so, we write because we love writing, we spend hours working on our content, at zero cost  
> the only payment we expect is a comment or two  
> I'm not here to guilt you into leaving comments, but merely trying to bring awareness to that issue  
> there's always those loyal readers that leave a few words on every chapter, and to those I leave a very big heartfelt THANK YOU!


	32. grasping mirages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when are the bad times gonna stop

oOo

The light of dawn shone on Diana, Alice, and Felix as they said their goodbyes at the graveside. They didn’t cry this time, trying to stay strong for the sake of their parents’ memory.

Now they stood next to the other survivors. Daryl had glued himself to Diana’s side as soon as they came down. He’d tucked a bright red poppy behind her ear with only a meaningful look and helped carry their packs. Her heart had fluttered a little at that moment, something stirring in her otherwise almost numb chest. Maybe she was just oversensitive because of what had happened in her tent the day before.

Now, he was by her side, sneaking glances and chewing on his fingernail like a child.

She adjusted the flower behind her ear and vaguely listened as Shane gave instructions on how to stay in contact with each other throughout their journey. He and Rick looked and sounded like the professionals they were, drilling them about procedures they’d have to follow in case of adversity. Rick’s sheriff outfit only made him look more credible.

Shane asked the group if there were any questions. An atmosphere of consensus reigned.

Morales shared a now-or-never look with his wife and spoke up, “We're, uh… We're… we're not going.” Miranda followed up by saying that they had family in Birmingham, wherever that may be, and that they wanted to be with their people.

“Don’t we all,” Alice whispered almost bitterly, and Diana squeezed her upper arm in a soothing manner. For all they knew, her Godmother was still alive somewhere, although searching for her would be nothing more than a wild goose chase.

In a feat of comradery and goodwill, Rick and Shane provided Morales with a pistol and a half-full box of ammo, all they could spare. That seemed to upset Daryl, since he’d been adamant from the very beginning about throwing guns around like confetti.

He sneered and paced and chewed on his fingernail. Diana tapped his arm once he stepped closer to her. “Stop doing that, it’s not good for you. And it’s making me anxious.”

He looked at her and stopped for only a moment before he got distracted and started again. It wasn’t a habit of his, he must’ve been nervous.

Diana pulled him back to her side and grabbed hold of his hand, intertwining their fingers and effectively stopping the fidgeting. His grip tightened and it made her inhale sharply, but she kept her eyes forcefully forward.

They only let go of each other once the Morales family came to say their farewell and wish her and the kids good luck in their pursuit of answers and everything else. Diana mimicked a similar sentiment back at them and was thankful that they didn’t broach the subject of their parents. They’d already heard enough condolences.

She managed a small smile when Alice hugged the two kids goodbye. She’d been fond of them, despite her claim that she disliked any person past the age of five. She used to brag about how intelligent they were when she came home after tutoring, and how much more intelligent they’d grow once she’d be able to teach them more complex materials.

As a parting gift, Louis gave Felix a Pokémon card he’d taken a particular, almost envious liking to – a first edition, holographic Mew card. Felix’s brows were pulled halfway up his forehead in pleasant surprise and disbelief. The younger boy smiled toothily and hugged Felix around his middle, thanking him for playing with him and being nice to him.

Diana saw Miranda turn away while wiping tears from her eyes. As she’d heard it, the boy had been a victim of bullying because of his stuttering before this all started, which had made Felix’s friendship all the more valuable to him and his parents.

Other survivors announced that they also wouldn’t be traveling with them. Some also leaving to go to their people, and some of them even preferring to stay in the Quarry than confronting more of what out there. It was foolish, but Diana didn’t judge their choice; they were scared, and there was no real guarantee that the CDC would be the haven she’d hoped it was.

The rest was dividing into groups, deciding who would hitch a ride with whom. Daryl pulled Diana back gently. “Y’all can ride with me,” he offered, nodding at Merle’s – now his – truck.

She shook her head. “I’mma ride in the RV, you know, to look after Jim.” Daryl nodded comprehensively and Diana added, “But you can take the kids with you, if you don’t mind. I don’t want them to see Jim like that, and I need them to be with someone I trust.”

“I’m okay with that,” Alice commented, interrupting her silent conversation with her brother. Then she turned to Daryl, tilting her head as if to ask if _he_ was okay with that.

He nodded once more, the corner of his lip tilting up with unexpected fondness at the two teens. “Sure,” he said.

Alice nodded back, settling it. “Then that’s that,” she affirmed, then waved at her sister. “You’re dismissed. Go ride the bore-wagon while us cool kids take the funmobile.” Her earnest tone and deadpan face made Diana huff out the beginning of a chuckle with a small smile. It warmed her chest.

She shook her head good-naturedly and lifted her hands in surrender. Something familiar in her urged her to answer with playful banter, but she lacked the emotional energy for that. So she responded with a simple, “Fine, I’m going, I’m going.”

She looked at Daryl, whose baby blue eyes were already on her, soft and undemanding. She dropped her gaze and fixed a button on his shirt, letting her hands linger. “Be careful, okay?”

“ _I think we better dismiss ourselves, bro_ ,” Alice whispered to Felix in their native language, and both left. Diana watched them go, brow furrowed in confusion at her sister’s statement.

“I will,” Daryl responded, bringing her back. “Ain’t gotta worry about that.”

oOo

Diana climbed into the RV and dropped her backpack at the entrance and hung her still strangely silent bow on a coat hanger on the wall. Glenn turned around in the passenger’s seat and frowned at her. “You okay, Dee?”

She thinned her lips and nodded wordlessly, humming the response in the back of her throat. But she didn’t feel all that well. She’d had a slight shortness of breath a few moments prior that left her head feeling light and dizzy, and her face was flushed. She summed it up to the stifling and humid weather.

She fanned herself with her hand and dragged her backpack to the back. She greeted Jacqui and Jim with a nod.

With the start of the RV, Jim flinched and hissed in pain, beads of sweat rolling down his face, and Jacqui pressed a wet cloth to his skin, dabbing gently. Diana took a seat next to the woman and rubbed her back with a gentle smile, thanking her for what she was doing.

Jacqui was a kindhearted and thoughtful woman, who’d often come around during Diana’s “office hours” just to bring her something to drink or a snack she had stashed somewhere. She smiled back, tears in her eyes, which rolled down her cheeks when she blinked.

They were driving out of the Quarry now. Diana stood and glued herself to the rear window, her breath fogging up the glass. Her heart grew heavy as the distance grew. She imagined she could see her parents standing there, holding each other, waving her goodbye. They cried and so did she.

Her eyes prickled and the tears distorted her vision, her chin quivered and her throat hurt. Her hand balled into a fist on the glass, futilely trying to grab onto that mirage before she blinked and they disappeared.

She wished Alice and Felix were by her side.

She sat back down once the Quarry was out of sight, and she sobbed into her hands, shoulders shaking, breath gasping, throat hurting, heart wringing. Then hands rubbing her back, voices whispering comfort, someone rocking her against their chest.

They were gone.

They were gone.

oOo

“Here.” Jacqui passed Diana a glass of water, which she accepted and brought to Jim’s lips, helping him take small sips. The man was in too much pain to do so. He had already refused any more painkillers and the only thing he could keep down was water.

She honestly didn’t know which was the better evil; to die slowly from a burning fever and tremendous pain or to be eaten alive, bleeding out, knowing your children were watching your ill-fated demise.

Diana swallowed thickly, fighting off new tears and remembering her parents the way they were before. Happy and smiling, not perfect but always striving for it. She closed her eyes and thought only of happy memories.

Movie nights, with tangled limbs and dad’s light snoring. Sleepy Sunday breakfasts, with chocolate croissants, the smell of black coffee, and heartfelt laughter. More recently, Sam and Irene dancing by the light of the fire, completely in love, Alice singing slow songs.

It was bittersweet, sure, but memories were all she had now, and she would make sure that her image of them would always remain that way.

The RV started sputtering to a stop and she opened her eyes, puzzled. She heard Dale say, “Oh no.”

He and Glenn climbed out to check out whatever damage had caused them to stop and Diana saw the rest of the vehicles stopping near them. She stood and turned to Jacqui. “Watch over Jim, please, Jacqui? I gotta go check on my kids.”

“Sure, honey.” She nodded with a knowing sad smile and accepted the glass off her hands.

Diana granted the woman her previous seat and climbed out of the RV. Dale and Rick were taking a look at the smoking insides of the vehicle and she heard them say something about a hose that was more duct tape than anything else. Nothing she could help with there.

She saw Daryl approach the RV, his crossbow in hand, and Felix and Alice following him. They seemed to have taken his lead, Felix with his birthday bat hanging at his side and Alice with her hand on the hilt of their dad’s knife that she’d strapped to her hip.

They looked native to this world, sad as it was, but it gave Diana hope that they would thrive in it despite its setbacks.

Felix’s eyes were swollen, his lips tugged downward, and a pronounced wrinkle had settled deep between Alice’s eyebrows, and Diana just knew. It hurt that she hadn’t been there for them.

“You okay?” she asked all three and they all answered with a synchronized nod. It made her lip curl fondly.

“You?” Daryl asked back, and Diana shrugged noncommittedly. There wasn’t much to be said that wouldn’t turn on the waterworks, so better not to say anything at all.

Jacqui rushed out of the RV, dragging everyone’s attention to her. “Y'all, Jim… It's bad. I don't think he can take anymore.”

Unsurprisingly, many turned to Rick. It had, after all, been his idea to bring Jim to the CDC. He climbed into the RV.

While they waited, Diana felt a hand wrap around hers. She looked down at it and then up at Felix. His gaze was directed at his feet, his lower lip pouting a little and trembling. A fist clenched around her heart. She squeezed his hand and hugged his arm, resting her head against his shoulder.

She looked up at him once the knot in her throat allowed her to speak. Her smile was wavering, but it held. “ _It’ll be okay_ ,” she whispered. A thousand words run through her mind, but the only thing that came out was, “ _We’ll be okay_.”

Rick came back, interrupting the moment, to tell them what she already knew; that Jim was too sick to make the journey, that his wish was to die in peace, not to be a “burden” on so many people.

“Back in the camp, when I said Daryl might be right and you shut me down, you misunderstood, Rick,” Dale said, “I would never go along with callously killing a man. I was just gonna suggest that we ask Jim what he wants. And now I think we have an answer.”

Shane rubbed his head and sighed. “We just leave him here? We take off? Man, I'm not sure I could live with that.”

Alice piped in, “That’s not your decision to make.”

Lori gestured at her. “She’s right.”

They fell silent.

After unanimous agreement to fulfill Jim’s wishes, delirious or not, Rick and Shane carried the man out of the RV. With an arm around each man, Jim was brought up the hill on the roadside and sat up against a tree. The canopy rustled in the slight breeze in a peaceful manner.

Jim groaned in pain and Diana winced, feeling sorry for him.

Once he was comfortable enough, Jacqui approached him first and kissed his cheek. The people began saying their farewells. Diana sent the kids away, wanting to spare them this sadness. She knew Jim would understand.

She let herself be last. Jim beckoned her closer, then grabbed her wrist and whispered hoarsely, “I’ll let them know what you did for me.”

Diana nodded without a word. She stood and retreated with a dull ache in her chest, hand rubbing against her wrist, where Jim’s feverish skin had almost burned hers.

She glanced at him over her shoulder as she descended the hill, his eyes closed and head leaned against the trunk of the tree, in that moment, his features were free of pain. This was a man’s life gone down the drain because of a small bite.

It had been her parents’ lives wasted because they’d been at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Daryl had stayed behind, waiting for her. He fell into step with her wordlessly, until they reached the base of the hill.

“You mind the kids staying with you?” she asked tiredly. The RV smelled of sweat, sick and the imminence of death, she didn’t want them to suffer through that.

Daryl shook his head. He reached for her and fixed the poppy above her ear, his fingers grazing ever so faintly against her skin. Diana averted her eyes and cleared her throat. There was that shortness of breath again.

He left and she watched him go. The kids had waited for him outside of the truck. She waved at them, and only Felix waved back, Alice flipped her the bird, but that hadn’t been shocking to her in a long time. Diana smiled with a sigh.

Jim had said that she’d been his hope, well, then Diana’s was her brother and sister. She would live for them, and as long as they were in this world, she would fight for them with everything she had.

oOo

The ride had been long and exhausting but they’d finally arrived.

The worse part of it was when Diana discovered a red stain on her underwear while on the toilet. She sincerely hoped that the place had some tampons, but for now rolled up toilet paper would have to suffice.

Dale announced their arrival less enthusiastically than she’d expected, but it was understandable considering the circumstances.

Diana put her backpack on and grabbed her bow off the coat hook. It was humming strongly now; she could almost feel it in her chest. “It’s okay,” Diana whispered, as if it were sentient, “It ain’t your fault, I know that.” Funny how she could say that but still blame herself.

They climbed out, one by one, and Diana almost couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

Hundreds of inert bodies everywhere she set her eye. In the grim evening light, it looked like something out of a horror movie. The CDC compound set off grandly in the near distance, the landmark of their achievement, the beacon of their near triumph. But the sight of it amongst the decadence didn’t inspire much confidence in her. Many of the walkers were donning military uniforms, that was everything but a good sign.

Diana saw her siblings hop off the truck and almost glided to them. Alice mouthed _holy shit_ , wide hazel eyes taking in their surroundings.

Felix whispered, “ _Not gonna lie, I’m kinda really scared right now, Diana_.” He grabbed onto her upper arm, his grip tight and trembling, just as his towering form. She was more or less desensitized to them, having seen worse in Atlanta, but Felix’s fear was justified, especially because of… Yeah, it was normal.

They all moved as a single unit, keeping together and keeping the children in the middle.

Diana sidestepped a woman with a caved-in face, maggots crawling in and out of the indistinguishable features. The sight and the stink emanating from her was rank enough to make her gag against her hand. It smelled like rotten fish mixed with bad eggs and stomach contents. It made her eyes water and her lungs burn with the need for fresh air.

As they walked deeper into the massacre, fat disease infested buzzards flew at them like crazy. Diana waved her bow around to keep them off her and Felix, her other arm still in the boy’s tight grip.

“I swear, these things are driving me nuts,” Alice hissed as she joined Felix’s other side. Diana immediately shushed her. “Oh, shush yourself, these binches are all dead.”

Diana whispered, “Better safe than sorry.”

“Good thing I’m never sorry,” Alice murmured to herself, hand striking the air around her head.

Once they passed the security check booth, they hurried their pace, Rick instructing them to keep moving, low and alert.

The ambiance was too eerie. The silence accompanied only by the buzz of the flies was disquieting, foreboding, fucking creepy.

Alice put a hand on little Sophia’s back to help the girl move along. Carol tightened her grip around her daughter’s shoulders and both ran ahead.

“C’mon, move along now.”

“Keep moving, keep quiet.”

They reached the shutters at the front entrance with hearts pounding with fear and adrenaline. Rick and Shane tried to get them open, rushing, trying to pry them open, pull them up, whatever got them inside quickly.

The others paced and jittered and shuffled in distress.

“There's nobody here,” T-Dog hissed, eyes jumping from the inanimate walkers surrounding them to Rick, and back.

“Then why are these shutters down?” Rick defended. He became growing desperate, hands roaming over every crevice of the shutters, trying to find a weakness.

Diana startled when she saw it, heart beating out of her chest. “There’s a camera, guys, there’s a camera. Hey!” She let go of Felix and waved her arms over her head, looking straight into the lens.

“That thing’s dead, there’s no one inside. Diana, keep it down,” Shane said, dragging her away by the arm.

“Walkers,” Daryl called, and everyone was on their toes immediately. Daryl shot one in cammo greens, but many more were standing up and dragging themselves towards them, awakened by their fresh smell.

They were sitting ducks, a perfect trap for a meal.

She felt her insides tremble until it was noticeable in her hands. “Keep close to me, alright?” Diana dragged Alice and Felix behind her and joined the offense line. Shots rang alongside the silent release of her arrows. She didn’t hit nearly as many as she’d hoped.

A stab in her lower abdomen caused her to double over in pain. For a vague moment, she wondered if the walkers could smell her blood, which only increased her panic.

She rubbed a hand over her belly and retreated to her siblings. “It’s okay, we’re gonna be okay,” she said, straining a smile. She stroked Felix’s cheek, his eyes wide and frightened, as he grabbed onto her wrist with a vice grip. Alice’s eyes jumped from body to body on the ground, keeping alert to any rising threat, but the tenseness in her body spoke of her anxiety.

Glenn grabbed her by the arm and yelled, “Diana, let’s go. We’re leaving!” Daryl ushered the kids, putting himself between them and the oncoming walkers.

She’d desperately wanted this to be it, she’d needed that. After what happened, she needed explanations, had questions that needed answers, and now, that too had been taken away.

Diana took one last glance over her shoulder. In that second, she saw the surveillance camera move, the lens now pointing directly at them. She felt something lift in her. With a deep breath, she called out, “It moved! Rick, the camera moved!”

Rick had seen it too. He ripped himself away from Shane’s grasp and started banging on the shutters, begging at whoever was behind the monitor to let them in. “Please, we're desperate,” he cried, “Please help us. We have women, children, no food, hardly any gas left.”

No response came.

Rick kept at it relentlessly. “You’re killing us! You’re killing us!” he yelled. Shane fought to drag him away, his shouting only alerting more walkers to them.

Diana wiped her eyes with the back of her hand when Felix stepped to her side, grabbing the back of her top, bunching up the fabric in his fist. “We’re gonna be okay,” she repeated, even if it felt more and more like a lie.

To Alice, who had stayed by Daryl’s side, Diana gave a wavering smile, and the girl raised a clenched fist. _‘Fight’_ , she mouthed, ‘ _Win’_. Diana returned the gesture.

Among the shouting and the terror and confusion, the mechanical sound of the shutters rolling up was loud and clear, and their darkening world was suddenly bathed in white light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked this chapter  
> i'm kinda sleep deprived rn  
> pls comment and stuff, thanx


	33. good sister (tm)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad stuff happening but what's new

oOo

Diana could cry with relief! Those might as well have been the golden gates of Heaven opening up.

She was shortly blinded by the contrast before her eyes grew used to the brightness. She wanted nothing more than to grab her siblings and get all their asses inside, safe and sound. There was a sense of accomplishment, of gained freedom.

Rick walked in first with cautious step and a trained eye. He scanned the spacious inside and gestured for the rest to follow after him. Daryl covered the back, his crossbow smartly trained on any slowly approaching walker.

Diana ushered Felix after Shane and Dale, the boy’s hand sweaty in hers. She quickly shouldered her bow to grasp at Alice’s shirt, dragging her along. The girl protested and swatted at her sister’s arm, trying to pry her fingers loose. Diana didn’t care nor did she let go.

Once inside, the group spread about, taking everything in, searching the vastness of the lobby for any clue as to who had just saved their hides.

Rick’s voice echoed off the walls as he called, “Hello?” over and over.

Diana felt small in that immensity, a sense of awed disbelief in face of the situation was filling her. She’d always imagined her quest for answers would be a long one, filled with trials. And although their journey had had its share of danger and tragedy, it hadn’t taken long to reach the final destination.

“Let go of me,” echoed Alice’s hiss, and she sunk her fingernails into Diana’s wrist in an attempt to ditch her.

Diana yelped and snatched her hand away, releasing Felix as well. She rubbed the half circles engraved atop her blue veins, then threw a hurt frown over her shoulder at a low-key smug Alice.

“Hello?” Rick called once more. The sound of a firearm locking had them startled and searching for the source. The children were dragged to the middle, away from the front entrance but also from any possible new threat.

Those who were armed had them ready for the offensive, which included Diana, an arrow nocked and aimed at the ground at her feet.

The newcomer, a middle-aged fair-headed man, stood ahead of them, in a doorway at the top of a staircase. His shotgun was trained on them, and his eyes were narrowed in scrutiny.

“Anybody infected?” he shouted, first thing. Well, good to see he had his priorities straight.

“One of our group was,” Rick answered for them. He shook his head once and added, “He didn’t make it.”

Diana had to wonder, though. If Jim had been with them, would he have even been allowed inside? Would this man have even opened his doors to him? To any of them? Would he have condemned all their fates because of a sole desperate person in search of help?

The man descended the stairs slowly, aiming in their general direction. His eyes examined them, possibly trying to detect any irregularity - features twisted in pain, a change in posture, a favored limb, maybe.

He stopped a few steps short of the last one and asked slowly, “Why are you here? What do you want?”

Diana wanted to step in front of Alice and Felix but was afraid the movement would cause the man’s attention to fall on them. Her heart was pounding with anxiety and slowly mounting rage.

One thing was to point a gun at her - she’d stared down plenty of barrels at the Vatos’ hideout - but another was to have her brother and sister in the way of a bullet. The thought made her blood run cold and her guts tightened into knots.

The bow buzzed under her skin.

“A chance,” Rick said, answering his question.

The man descended some more steps, confidence in his gait despite being outnumbered. “That’s asking an awful lot these days.”

A stab of pain in Diana’s lower abdomen had her flinching, her irritation and impatience rising with it. They didn’t have time for charades. She looked at the faces of those around her, their fear apparent. They were terrified of being shunned, the man in front of them their hope of salvation.

She swallowed her own unease, cleared her throat and cut Rick off, “Listen, man. We- we are tired, hungry, and scared, and if I’m being completely honest here, a little bit pissed off.” Alice smacked her side and hissed at her to shut her mouth, but Diana was on a nervous rambling roll. Also, her head felt too light to think straight.

“We went through hell to get here. All we want from you is a shred of humanity, something we won’t find out there. Please… don’t send us away.”

The man held her gaze for a long time, and Diana tried her best to look as innocent as possible, even though she knew she’d done nothing wrong. Much like the feeling you get when you walk past the police and are stricken with the sudden fear that maybe you’ve committed a crime you have no recollection of and they are onto you.

After what felt like an eternity of judging silence and examination of her and the other survivors, the man conceded with a nod. He quickly added that the price for their admission would be to submit to a blood test.

Rick agreed for them and the tension in the air slowly deflated like a balloon. Diana breathed in relief and shared a small smile with Felix. She gave him a quick one-armed hug and sighed once more.

They were told to bring their stuff inside, that once that door closed, it would stay closed. It sounded a little ominous, but this was coming from a guy that had greeted them at gunpoint, maybe that was just his thing.

Once they had everything inside, the man strode past them and swiped a card on a reader next to the main door. He then asked someone named Vi to seal that entrance and turn the power off in the lobby.

It was a joy to see the shutters roll back down, sealing away the cruel world of the walkers.

Diana turned to the kids, who were shouldering their bags, and said, “ _I think this is it. We’re finally safe._ ”

Alice looked up and around the large and empty room, and thinned her lips. “ _I hope you’re right_.”

She looked around, wanting to share her optimism with her mom, an expectant smile on her lips. She would agree with her, for sure.

It took her a second to realize.

It took only a second for her heart to break anew, a physical ache stabbing her chest.

“- with us, Diana.”

Rick’s voice mentioning her name jolted her out of the darkness. A welcome distraction. She looked over her shoulder at him. He’d been talking to the nameless man up to that point, and now beckoned her over with a nod of his head.

She joined them out of curiosity. Rick introduced her to the nameless man, who turned out to be called Dr. Edwin Jenner. They shook hands and Diana said a pleasant ‘nice to meet you’ and heartfelt ‘thank you’, showing courtesy she had foregone before.

Rick clapped a hand on her shoulder and said, “She’s been our medic since before I joined our group.” He sounded proud of that fact.

Diana lifted one shoulder sheepishly and bit the inside of her cheek. “I mean, I’m not a doctor or anything… I was uh, a nursing student, so I don’t really got the qualifications to call myself a _medic_.” But she still did it and bore the title proudly.

“Qualifications or not, she’s the best we could’ve hoped for,” Rick said, almost bragging. His hand gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. Diana had the feeling he was just hyping her up with false boasts, but it felt and sounded genuine. As was the smile she returned.

“I’m glad to have a fellow brain enthusiast on board,” Dr. Jenner quipped, but it wasn’t very well received… considering that, well, zombies and all. “I am so sorry.”

“Yeah,” Diana dragged, feeling uncomfortable for him. Then she pointed up the staircase where he’d made his first appearance. “You think maybe you could…?”

Dr. Jenner nodded promptly and turned to address everyone, his voice echoing off the walls, “If you could follow me, please.”

He escorted them to an elevator, which became unsurprisingly packed once everyone was on board. Felix was standing directly behind Dr. Jenner, and when the man turned to look over his shoulder, he seemed surprised to see that, after himself, the boy was the tallest person present.

“And how old are you?”

“Fifteen,” Felix said briefly, his deep voice almost contradictory to his answer.

“Am I supposed to believe that?” Jenner joked, “May I see some ID, please?”

One of Felix’s eyebrows rose, but his face remained otherwise expressionless, which made Jenner chuckle awkwardly and face forward once more. Alice coughed once on purpose to make the tense silence even more noticeable.

They rode in silence, Diana watching the white LED numbers descending to the negatives on the little screen above the elevator doors.

Daryl suddenly spoke up at her side, jolting her out of her thoughtless haze. “Doctors always go ‘round packing heat like that?” he asked, breaking through the hum of the fluorescent lights.

Diana stared at him absentmindedly, Jenner’s response lost to her ears and noticed a smudge of dirt on his cheek. She reached out subconsciously and wiped it with her thumb, his light stubble tickling her skin.

Daryl’s eyes jumped to her at that, and they stayed for a few seconds before Diana lost her nerve and averted her gaze. Her belly felt too weird, which she blamed on her period.

When the elevator pinged to a stop and the doors opened, they were confronted with a very stereotypical medical-facility-white corridor. There were many doors along both walls and each of those doors was numbered.

The end of it opened to a large auditorium-like chamber. There was an elevated platform in the middle of it, and on that platform rows and rows of strange computer desks. Dr. Jenner addressed ‘Vi’ once more, asking her to bring up the lights in that room, which she did. Light panels turned on, one by one. They buzzed and hummed for a moment, adding to the echo of their feet as they ventured down the ramp, on Dr. Jenner’s tail.

He jogged up a couple of stairs onto the next floor and turned to them with arms spread, saying, “Welcome to Zone 5.”

Rick asked him where the other doctors and the rest of the staff were. Dr. Jenner’s voice sounded small from the center of the room, “I’m it.”

Diana’s breath left her lungs. The shock was apparent among the others as well, murmurs surging in the air. She’d been expecting an institute buzzing with scientists from all kinds of fields of expertise, working together, studying the disease, maybe even already on the verge of finding a cure.

Perhaps her hopes had been too farfetched, but encountering only one person was just discouraging. It was hard to imagine he had the answers they sought.

The bow purred on her shoulder, into her chest, exercising a calming effect on her that she hadn’t felt for the longest time. With a clearer mind, she followed the group as they were led by Dr. Jenner.

The next area he took them to resembled a lecture room, ascending rows of chairs on one side and a large wooden desk facing them on the other side, in front of a white projector canvas.

He gestured for them to take the seats, which they did, setting their baggage down and filling the chairs closest to the door.

Diana sat in the front row, leaning back on the seat and feeling her body slacken from its previous rigidity. Her muscles ached, every single one. Felix sat to her right, and Alice climbed to sit directly behind them.

Diana’s leg started jiggling up and down, normally a habit, but there was a touch of anxiety to it this time. From the corner of her eye, she saw it. Felix’s knee mimicking hers, the boy’s hands folded in his lap, cracking the knuckles. She glanced over her shoulder and sure as day, Alice’s leg was also bouncing. It was a habit they shared with Sam. Despite the pang of sadness, Diana managed to smile with affection.

Irene hated when they did that. Especially at the dinner table. It had always felt like a small earthquake.

Dr. Jenner returned shortly after they’d settled down, bringing a tray with everything he needed to collect their blood samples.

Diana stared after him, nostalgia hitting her. It seemed like ages since she’d last drawn someone’s blood. She’d been good at it; it’d been one of the things she looked forward to the most every morning shift.

She wondered if she still knew how to do it.

About halfway through the group, Dr. Jenner beckoned Alice to come next.

The girl buried herself in her seat and crossed her arms, her hazel eyes jumping from the doctor to the tray on the desk, then to the exit door.

Alice had a fear of needles, always had. When she’d been little and had to receive her vaccines, you’d be able to hear her scream bloody murder all the way from the waiting room. Up until recently, she’d start hyperventilating when confronted with such a situation.

“Come on,” Dr. Jenner coaxed, “You all agreed. I’m sorry, that was the deal.”

Alice shook her head. “Nuh-uh, if anyone has to stick a needle in me, it’s gonna have to be her,” she said and gestured at Diana.

Jenner raised an eyebrow at Diana. “Are you sure you’re competent enough?”

“The hell do you mean by that, _pendejo_?” she asked, her back becoming as rigid as a board. Sure, she admitted she didn’t have enough qualifications to be considered a _medic_ , but his question took it too far.

“Oh, no, I mean, all of you aren’t in the best condition right now. Are you sure you’re up for it? It’s not too much right now?” the doctor defended, sincerely concerned that she’d taken offense.

Diana felt herself flush at her overreaction and sheepishly chewed on the inside of her cheek. What he said was true, but she knew Alice would refuse to willingly have him anywhere near her with any kind of pointy object, so there was no other answer other than ‘yeah, she was up for it’.

She stood up feeling like a much older woman, her lower back tight and knotted, her thighs burning. She beckoned Alice with a tilt of her head, and the girl climbed down after her. They took the seats Jenner offered.

Diana glanced at the audience, curious eyes intent on her. It made her hands tremble slightly. She despised being observed like that, she used to get nervous even when it was only her instructor watching her.

Alice snapped her fingers and pulled her attention back. She gestured for Diana to keep her eyes on her, then grabbed her shaking wrist and said, “ _There’s no way you poking me like that._ ”

“ _Yeah, sorry,_ ” Diana apologized, shaking her head. She shrugged her shoulders to loosen them up, then clenched and unclenched her hands. The trembling stopped. “ _Kinda nervous._ ”

She went through the motions automatically; hand hygiene, prepping the instruments, tying the tourniquet, searching for the vein, disinfecting the area. Then she punctured Alice’s smooth brown skin, waited until the tube was half full before loosening the tourniquet, removed the needle and pressed a gauze on the spot. Like riding a bike, apparently.

She inverted the tube a couple of times before handing it to Dr. Jenner. He tilted his head in appreciation and accepted it.

He then finished up with the others, herself included, and with Andrea going last. After that, seemingly satisfied with the results, he stood and announced, “And now you eat.”

oOo

Before heading to the canteen, Diana asked Dr. Jenner for directions to the bathroom, explaining her predicament rather bluntly. He answered with grace and pointed out the facilities. Diana then dragged Alice with her, since they were in an unknown place and she was terrible with directions, so her chances of getting lost on the way back were very high.

She also found out that Alice’s cycle was synced with hers.

In the dimly lit cafeteria, the prepping of food was already in progress when they arrived. Whoever knew two things about cooking helped with the meals, which mostly consisted of stuff out of cans and different kinds of pasta.

She, Alice, and Felix helped the others set the table, searching the cabinets and asking Jenner for pointers. The domesticity of the atmosphere, the clattering of plates and cutlery, the din of overlapping conversation, it all sounded so familiar. It was painfully nostalgic.

It emphasized Sam and Irene’s absence. They should be there, cooking and laughing, enjoying this haven.

Diana searched for signs of discomfort in her siblings. Felix was talking to T-Dog, he had his arms lifted like a marionette and was talking fast and excitedly, showcasing something to him, in that moment of silliness, T-Dog laughed and clapped his big hand on Felix’s shoulder, making him stumble from his pose. Alice was fascinating Carl and Sophia by balancing a butter knife on the palm of her hand. They cheered when she added a second one to her other palm.

All for show, she thought. All for the sake of appearances. She hadn’t talked to them about what they’d seen yet, it was too soon for that. But she hoped they would confide in her when they were ready.

Until then, all for the sake of appearances, and that included her. This was a moment of celebration, of joy. She didn’t want to ruin that for anyone.

When the food was on the table, Diana served the kids, herself, and whoever shoved their plate in her hands. They laughed and rejoiced and ate and drank.

Despite her hunger, Diana struggled to eat her food - there was a knot in her stomach that didn’t allow space for much. She moved around the bits on her plate, impaling beans with her fork and eating them one by one, trying to work up an appetite.

Felix had already devoured everything on his plate and was having seconds, he was a growing boy after all, but Alice was following Diana’s path.

Diana tapped her fingernail next to her plate to get her attention and signaled with her eyes and a tilt of her head for Alice to eat up.

Alice looked emphatically at Diana’s own plate with a raised eyebrow, silently calling her a hypocrite.

The older sister made a show of scooping a forkful of food into her mouth and chewing thoroughly, and only then did Alice follow suit, a mocking look on her features as she mimicked her sister.

Dale told a joke that escaped Diana’s ears and everyone started laughing. Andrea was a clear exception, her quiet and still figure very obvious in the commotion.

Diana glanced at her as she sipped on her wine, her eyes staring emptily ahead, food untouched on her plate. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.

“You know,” Dale said, “In Italy, children have a little bit of wine with dinner.” He offered Lori the glass of red he’d filled for her. “And in France,” he added, bushy eyebrows raising in expectation.

Lori responded, saying that in that case, Carl would drink wine once he was in Italy or in France. Rick, good-naturedly, insisted she let him try a sip, because what harm could it possibly do.

Carl, blue eyes wide at the new experience, sipped on the bit of red wine poured for him and immediately scrunched up his face, saying it tasted nasty and sticking out his tongue. His reaction delighted Lori, and she patted his head affectionately while everyone else laughed.

“Weak,” Alice whispered, swishing her soda inside its glass. She downed the contents and raised it to Dale. “Pour me some, Dale.”

Lori looked at her in shock, Dale in amusement. He looked at Diana, asking for her approval.

She lifted a shoulder and tilted her head. “Why not?” she said. Mom and dad let her have some from time to time. “Just half a glass, though,” she warned. Dale complied, much to Alice’s chagrin and everyone else’s amusement.

Felix refused when offered, quite enjoying his soda and not being really a wine person.

When Dale raised the bottle in her direction, Diana shook her head. “Nah, thanks, I don’t really appreciate wine.” Irene was a connoisseur - she could recognize the good stuff with just a whiff and the tracks the drink left on the glass. “Got any whiskey, though?” she asked Jenner, which made some of the survivors raise their voices in elated astonishment.

Daryl jumped down from his seat on the counter and grabbed something off a nearby table. He walked up behind her with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s in hand, of which a quarter had already been consumed. He leaned heavily on her shoulders, making her sink forward. “Yeah, never woulda guessed our nurse here prefers hard liquor.” He poured two fingers of the golden drink into her emptied glass, then pat her shoulder. “There ya go,” he said and kissed the top of her head in tipsy joy, making blood rush to her cheeks.

He then turned to Glenn, telling him to drink up. “I wanna see how red your face can get,” he provoked, grinning, satisfied at Glenn’s inebriation. Diana chuckled when Glenn rapidly stood from his seat in exhilaration and promptly tipped over, almost crashing to the ground.

Alice sipped on her wine with gusto, while Diana sniffed at her drink, her nose twisting and burning at the pungent smell before she downed it in one gulp. She usually preferred fruity cocktails that tasted like they contained no alcohol, but something told her they wouldn’t have those here.

A hot sugary taste filled her mouth, while a fire lit a path down her throat and bathed her stomach in flames. She inhaled sharply through her mouth and when she exhaled it felt like she was a fire-breathing dragon. The taste made her think of her grandpa – he’d used to pour a little bit of Ballantine’s in his coffee cup after he drank it, and as a child, Diana had always asked to dip her finger in the drink, liking the way it burned her tongue.

She stared at the remnants at the bottom of her glass, swirling them. A sad smile graced her lips. She missed grandpa, so so much. She missed her mom and dad. The edges of her vision became blurry. She tilted her head back and blinked them away. Not now.

You know what, actually she wouldn’t mind a little tipsiness to take the edge off, maybe make her forget recent events, if only for a little while. In her twenty-one years, she’d never gotten drunk once. She didn’t know how her body would react, if the desired effect would be achieved, but there was a first time for everything, right?

She gathered her courage while they made a toast to Dr. Jenner and then beckoned Daryl over with a tilt of her head and her raised glass. He strutted to her with a grin on his face. His cloudy eyes were locked on hers while he poured the whiskey, and Diana rolled her eyes at his over-enthusiasm.

She drank more cautiously now, listening to Shane interrogate Jenner about the whereabouts of the other doctors because that was the reason for their being there. “This was your move,” he said to Rick, contempt hiding in his voice. “To find all the answers. Instead, we found him. Found one man. Why?”

Diana swallowed the last of her liquid fire and set it down, feeling slightly nauseous and lightheaded. She listened to Dr. Jenner explain how many of the staff left to be with their families in the beginning, and how when the military got overrun, some either bolted or committed suicide.

“Jesus Christ,” Diana whispered and grabbed the bottle of liquor from Daryl, who’d been standing next to her. She poured herself a double and downed it in two gulps, feeling the burn down her esophagus, how it warmed her body from the inside out.

oOo

It was wash-day for Alice’s hair since she finally had access to running water. The whole process of pre-oiling, shampooing, conditioning, twisting, oiling again had taken her over an hour. It was something she enjoyed, she took great pride in her hair, pampering and primping it was somewhat cathartic.

This time it took her back to when she was little. Alice kneeling on the bathtub, water up to her belly button and toys floating beside her. Felix laughing as he hit the water and it splashed, the droplets hitting her closed eyelids. Irene massaging Alice’s scalp soothingly, twisting her hair into sections, rinsing it with the toy water can.

It made her heart ache.

That day she’d done the same for Felix. Up until recently, it had always been mom who would wash his locs, he’d always been too lazy to do it himself, had always said it took too much work.

Alice had showered and then waited until the women’s lockers were empty and had called him in. He had sat in his boxer shorts on the floor of one of the shower cabins, Alice kneeling behind him, and she’d washed his hair like mom used to. Her fingers had been gentle instead of her usual harsh prodding and yanking - her own kind of comfort.

She’d let warm water fall gently over her brother throughout it. He’d covered his face with his hands and his shoulders had shaken, but never once did he let his crying be heard.

She had sent him to the room he’d claimed for himself after he told her he was fine. She didn’t believe it, but she wasn’t one to press people. And she usually preferred not to talk about emotions anyway.

Now, she twisted her hair and wrapped it with one of her “lost” silk scarves that she’d found in her mom’s baggage, and dressed in clean mismatched pajamas.

She took a lasting look at the mirror, at the face she was learning to not hate (but failing at it). The fading acne scars from many treatment sessions, the too-wide nose, the unplucked brows slowly knitting back together. Puberty had brought with it a deluge of self-image issues. She hadn’t been able to look in the mirror and be satisfied with what she saw in years.

Maybe the problem had been with mirrors themselves. She’d almost forgotten about all her deficiencies since their vacation had started. They’d been pushed to the back of her mind in trade of more pressing issues, such as her own survival. She’d had no time to look herself in the mirror, no time to consider beauty and imperfections.

She immediately hated herself for thinking it, for even _considering_ that it was a good thing that the apocalypse started. Look at all it took from her! How could she even…! UGH!

Alice pushed herself away from the sink, hateful scorn in her eyes glancing back at her, and she left.

On her way to her room, she saw Diana sneak through the hall, her steps clumsy and hands gliding along the wall.

Alice sighed. Oh, how she wished she could be drunk right now. But no, Diana had gone and stole that from her, forcing her to stay sober to look after her. She couldn’t hold it against her, though, Diana was five years older than her and had never once gotten tipsy let alone drunk, while Alice had indulged herself more than enough.

Alice considered following her sister and putting her back to bed but shook that off. She’d lost her patience with her. She’d followed Alice after dinner, into the lockers when she’d gone to shower and had talked nonsense into her ear the whole time, breaking into laughter in the middle of her sentences and grabbing onto her, weighing her down.

So Alice had led her to one of the cabins and doused her with cold water while she still had her clothes on. The reaction had been funny to her, the wide eyes and uncharacteristic profanity, but since Alice was a Good Sister™, she helped her undress, both almost falling over multiple times. Then she’d supervised as Diana washed her body, making sure she didn’t slip and hit her head, she’d cared for her hair, then yelped and jumped away as the water at her sister’s feet turned red. Oh, how Diana had laughed and Alice had cursed at her.

She had considered abandoning her there after that, but the thought of her sister wandering the facility, drunk, butt naked, and blood running down her legs was not one she was okay with. So Alice had stayed, fetched her fresh pajamas, and had even gone through the trouble of sticking a pad to her underwear! I mean, she’d be hearing a thanks once her sister was sober, she’d make sure of it.

She’d wanted to dry her hair and style it for the night, but Diana had been too fidgety and hyperactive. So Alice had taken her by the arm into her room, which was next to hers, and had tucked her into bed, even indulging her sister with a 2-second goodnight hug, truly spoiling her. 

She watched Diana disappear around a corner. She entered her room and closed the door behind her. She would check up on her later, to make sure she hadn’t dropped into an alcoholic coma or lied in a pool of her own sick somewhere. But for now, she was too exhausted.

She leaned heavily on the door and let herself slide down until her butt hit the carpeted floor.

A deep sigh escaped her, and with it, it seemed, the barriers she’d been building.

It replayed in her mind on a loop.

_Alice heard the commotion from outside, screams, and even subtler than that: the undying moan of the dead, a sound that set her heart racing and caused her to share a look with Felix, his eyes wide in fear._

_She abandoned Diana’s book – she’d been reading the stuff her sister had written on the borders; it was like a diary up in there. She’d found some pretty interesting stuff, especially about a Chinese girl she’d been repeatedly dreaming about. She would save that for when she wanted to make fun of her pansexual ass, as petty revenge for leaving the way she had._

_She and Felix stood outside, clueless as to what was going on. Irene and Sam were on them as soon as they set foot outside, their figures in the dark scaring the shit out of them._

_The panic was coming from the center of camp, away from them, but Alice didn’t have time to focus on it. Their parents told them to keep quiet and low and ushered them towards the tree line._

_Sam helped Felix climb up the nearest tree, and in turn, both helped Alice up onto its lowest branch._

_At her dad’s hushed request, she climbed further up._

_Sam began helping Irene when a walker disguised in the darkness came up behind him and latched itself onto him, a fountain of blood gushing out where it ripped flesh off his neck._

_Alice blamed herself for not seeing it coming, for not warning her dad on time._

_Irene screamed and Felix sobbed, and Alice held her hand down as far as she could, yelling at her mom to grab it, to come up, forcing her eyes away from the walker grabbing onto her dad as he used his last strength to fight it off._

_Irene grabbed the bat off the ground and bashed the walker on the head with a cry, but it wasn't enough to kill it. She grabbed onto it and pulled with all her might, yelling profanities, and with a final tug, it was off of Sam and on top of her, both toppling over onto the dirt._

_Alice could only watch on, too shocked to move, as another walker appeared from nowhere and fell onto her mom, the woman's screams ringing in her ears, her dad's limbs twitching as he reached for his wife, as blood poured out of the gaping hole in his neck with every final heartbeat, a puddle of it widening around him until he stilled._

_Felix's screamed for them, sobs rocking his body. Once their mom's voice ceased to be, the walkers were attracted to his, looking around trying to locate him, and Alice slapped her hand over his mouth, feeling his spit and snot smear all over her palm._

_In the moonlit darkness, Alice could see her mother’s lifeless eyes stare directly into hers, and a shiver ran down her spine._

_Alice held Felix’s shaking form as he sobbed into her shoulder, precariously swaying them on the branch they sat upon. She shushed him when the walkers lazily followed in the direction of the gunshots._

_They jumped off the tree, Alice too numb to even acknowledge the pain in her ankles, and Felix dropped to the floor. He vomited there and then crawled to mom and dad’s side, wailing._

_Then she heard Diana calling for them, and in a feat of some sort of instinct, she grabbed dad’s knife from its holster and ran into the woods, leaving Felix behind with mom and dad and, soon, Diana._

_She didn’t wander far into the trees, her feet were tripping in the darkness and she didn’t want to fall on her face. She stopped once she couldn’t discern any sound from the camp and sat sheltered by some tall ferns, her back to a tree, pushing her knees to her chest and staring straight ahead._

_Mom’s screams, dad’s twitching, blood, screaming, sobbing, silence. Over and over, replaying inside her head like a broken record, stuck in that loop._

_Her head perked up with a sudden sound, a stray walker; it hadn’t seen her, but it could smell her, its head tilting, following its nose. She stood, slowly, walking around the tree, creeping up behind the clueless creature and she kicked its knees, bringing it down._

_With a furious fire lighting inside her, Alice body-slammed the walker from the back and its face cracked on a rock when it fell. With a yell, she brought the knife down with both hands, breaking through the skull, and in the dark, she could see and feel its gooey brain matter and blood seeping and gushing out, onto her hands, speckling her shirt._

_Tears fell, unannounced, with each stab and each profanity that she screamed at the creature. By the time she tired, she stopped, panting and gasping, the knife embedded into the bloody mass under her._

_No, no tears!_

_She wiped her face on her forearms and her bloody hands on her striped shirt._

_Alice sneered down at the walker. She fucking hated them, if she had disliked them before, now she despised them wholly. She would kill them all._

_She would kill them all._

_I’ll kill them all_ , Alice thought, standing, traipsing to her belongings. She grabbed her dad’s knife off the top of her clothes. She rotated it in her grasp, SRL engraved on the hilt, her dad’s initials. He’d gotten it as a prank gift from an older brother, but it had only been put to good use since then.

The blade had a dull glint in the fluorescent light. She let the tip of it turn on her fingertip, not breaking the skin but poking it.

She didn’t care if her quest was impossible; she would make it her goal, her tether to life. Revenge.

She felt rage bubble up inside her, starting from her stomach, warming up her blood until she could no longer stay still. If she stayed still, she would explode! It felt like her chest would tear open at any second.

She wanted to yell, so she grabbed the pillow that had been laid out for her and screamed her lungs out into it, the sound muffled even to her own ears.

With it came tears of anger and frustration, and sorrow and grief, and the knife sunk into the pillow, stabbing and stabbing repeatedly until feathers were floating all through the air.

And Alice found that it didn’t feel half bad. The next thing she attacked was the sofa, its foamy innards soon decorating the carpeted floor and the fabric cut to ribbons. She turned the knife to the walls, scratching through the irritating white paint.

She let it fall to the floor and flew to her bag, rummaging through it until she found one of her hard charcoal pencils.

She stood on the naked sofa and turned to the white walls, and with hard scribbled lines and wide arches of her arms, she wrote in big letters the words she’d been mumbling to herself, _I’ll kill them all_. She didn’t care if it looked insane or overly dramatic, she needed an outlet, she needed to turn her rage outwards or she would destroy herself instead.

When she was done, she let everything drop, exhausted, and laid down on the foam and feather-covered carpet, the only audible sounds the hum of the light above her and her ragged breath.

A timid knock on the door roused her from her almost sleep, her half-lidded eyes widening and turning to the door. She sprang up, seeing some feathers that had gotten stuck on her scarf fall down with the sudden movement.

She considered ignoring it, but it sounded again, so she groaned and got up.

“What?” she hissed out, opening the door just a crack. She didn’t know if she should be surprised or not to see Felix standing there, shoulders shaking as he sobbed.

“ _Can- can I sleep here tonight?_ ” he somehow managed between hiccups. He looked miserable, a deep wrinkle where his brow was furrowed in sorrow, and snot and tears staining his face.

Under different circumstances, Alice would’ve slammed the door in his face, but this time there was no doubt as to what her answer would be.

She opened the door all the way back and allowed him entrance. He looked shocked at the state of her room, his eyes lingering on the wall writings in particular, but neither commented on it.

Since the sofa was out of order, Alice laid out the blanket on the foam and feather-covered floor. She gestured towards it and Felix lied down, immediately curling on his side. Alice turned off the light and laid down next to him, letting her baby brother cuddle up to her side.

“ _I uh- I don’t have any pillows_ ,” Alice commented with a scratchy voice. “ _That okay?_ ”

“ _I don’t care_ ,” Felix murmured into her upper arm, which he was hugging to himself in comfort, his breaths coming out in gasps.

Alice sighed, her heart going out to her brother. She felt more like the older sister that day than the middle one. She tugged her arm away, turned to face Felix and tucked his head under her chin while putting her arm around him. He immediately put his around her too.

She usually hated this kind of thing, the physical contact, the dealing with others’ emotions, but this was more for his sake than hers. She tightened her hold on her brother when his sobs caused his entire body to shake.

“ _I miss them, too_ ,” she whispered, pressing her cheek against his locs, feeling her throat burn. “ _I miss them a lot_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love Alice and you should too  
> pls leave a nice comment, make my day  
> i dare you


	34. intermission/note

Sorry, the next chapter isn't ready yet, instead, I give you this:

I've updated "even if the pack is no more", the complementary work to this story, with a chapter containing some of Alice's polaroids. 

It's just a small list, but it's happy moments, and I think we need them right now.

Please go check it out.

Now I'll keep working on the next chapter.

Thanks to all of you who read and support this story! (๑ơ ₃ ơ)♥


	35. pining: the origins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I let someone re-read this for me and they suggested I add a lil more of spice to things, so I present to you the newly updated version of this chapter!  
> enjoy this piece containing daryl's pining ass front and center and a little bit of its origins

oOo

Daryl lied on the couch in his room, hands behind his head, the exhaustion of his body and the buzz from the alcohol making him lightheaded enough for his eyes to droop closed on their own.

He’d showered right after dinner and it had felt like he’d washed weeks’ worth of grime off him, the hot water on his sore muscles and the soapy cleanliness had filled him with a sense of physical relaxation.

The couch wasn’t the most comfortable of surfaces - a cheap thing, with worn leather cushions and springs poking his back - but he preferred it over the floor, he preferred it over all the surfaces he’d had to sleep on for the last month or so. All in all, despite his aches, his body was ready to rest, but his mind less so.

He thought of Merle. If he’d been the one to steal their van, why hadn’t he headed to camp, where had he gone? Had he gotten disoriented with the blood loss and crashed somewhere on the way? Was he even still alive at this point? If yes, for how long would that be? He hadn’t exactly been in the best of conditions to go around slaying biters, fending for his life.

Merle might be the biggest douche-bag he knew, but he was still his blood, and not knowing his whereabouts, nor whether he was alive, was eating at him.

He resented the morons from the quarry for leaving him like that and tried to imagine what might’ve led to his incarceration. It had been Rick, the complete total stranger who had come back in place of his brother, the only one with the guts to confront him about it.

He’d even said that the catalyst had been something his brother had said to Diana.

Daryl had ignored that at the time, blinded by anger and betrayal, but now he wondered what he’d meant. He knew Merle held no love for Diana nor her family, but what had that jackass said and done that had led to him getting handcuffed to the fucking roof?

It frustrated him to have more questions than answers. It made him feel guilty to know his brother was out in that world somewhere, possibly dead, while he enjoyed his safety with an almost clear conscience.

Daryl’s active mind reeled over the events of the past couple of days, wondering how so much shit could’ve hit the fan in such a short span of time.

He’d helped bury many familiar faces, but none had affected him so deeply as Samuel and Irene Lobo.

There was no longer a point in denying that he cared for that family. Even when the other survivors had been impartial to him, they had been different.

Maybe it was because he and Merle found them before the others, and it was as if they had imprinted on each other – or he had rather than his brother.

Daryl had had immense respect for Samuel and Irene. They’d had their differences, and they’d always been reluctant about their daughter’s contact with him, which he’d thought was sound parenting, even if he hadn’t been a threat. He preferred to think that they didn’t necessarily despise him more recently.

They hadn’t been close, but their deaths had moved something in him.

The bleeding heart his brother accused him of ached to think of Diana and the kids’ grief. He’d been very young when his mother died and had long broken off contact with his father when the news came that he’d passed, so he didn’t know the kind of sorrow they were going through.

He remembered their solemn faces at the burial; they’d refused to let anyone take over the task, piously scooping dirt with their own hands. It would’ve broken any sound person’s heart.

Daryl had felt a strange sort of stabbing guilt, unreasonable and unfounded, over the fact that Diana hadn’t been there with her family because of his damn brother. He had to shove through his thick skull that she’d volunteered, he hadn’t pressed her to go. If anything, she’d been too stubborn to heed his words.

_But if she had, it might’ve been her they’d be burying_ , an insidious voice had filtered through his thoughts at the time. It had resulted in conflicted reasoning. He hadn’t known whether to be selfishly grateful that she’d come with him and had lived or guilty over that exact fact, knowing the pain she and her siblings were going through.

His shameful conscience had caused him to keep his distance from them, that and he felt his presence would be an intrusion. Both Glenn and T-Dog had been there for them, providing comfort he was incapable of. His absence would not have made a difference. Still, he’d helped with menial tasks, such as carrying luggage and later dismantling tents, if only to check on them and put his mind at ease.

It had been during one of those times that he’d found Diana crying in mourning.

He hadn’t needed to think twice before he climbed into the tent and knelt beside her, bringing her into his arms. She’d startled but then had leaned into him, sobbing into her hands. Not a word had been exchanged, not that it’d been necessary.

Diana had melded to him as the minutes passed, and by the time her sobs subsided, she’d been all but sitting on his lap, folded against his chest, a welcomed warmth even on such a hot day. Her head tucked under his chin and her ear over his deep heartbeat. One of her hands bunched his shirt at his back while the other cushioned her cheek. He’d held her head gently, his fingers buried in her thick hair, and his other hand had stroked her bare arm, feeling goosebumps under his fingertips.

Daryl had felt guilty over taking pleasure from that situation, like he’d taken advantage of her sadness for his own benefit. Then, she’d mumbled a ‘thank you’ and his chest had felt warm inside.

He had never expected that fondness over her. To be honest, he hadn’t really known when it had started, only how it was fed.

It was stronger now. It scared him.

He remembered thinking that despite her admirable qualities, despite her occasional fire, she was too tender for this world. Then she had come to him with some ridiculous proposition to teach her archery, her weapon looking as inadequate for the job as she was, and he’d grown intrigued. Even with her bow turning out to be completely unreal, he thought the task of teaching her would become a burden. It never did.

Whenever his frustration almost got the best of him, he’d find that he couldn’t act on it. Diana would flinch away at his glares or whenever he raised his voice, and his annoyance would melt away. He didn’t like her reactions, the fear, the tense anticipation of punishment. He felt disgusted by himself; he, who’d known that kind of horror, how dare he inflict it on others?

So he began seeking her trust. And it appeared she began to seek his.

If he had to guess, he’d say that was when his fondness for her had been born. Out of a need to protect her. Her tenderness soon became less of a weakness and more of a quality he reveled in.

Even though Daryl knew it wouldn’t last long, seeing as he and Merle would be leaving soon, he couldn’t stop basking in her soft attentions.

“Sweet cheeks screwing you?” Merle had asked, venom dripping at the nickname, when Daryl had refused to go along with his plan the first time. “Sucked the smart right out of ya through your prick.”

Daryl had been  _this_ close to smacking his own brother, but he hadn’t wanted to add fuel to the fire. Instead, he’d just made up an excuse and said they’d go through with it the week after, which never came to be.

He was jolted back to reality by someone at his door. Not knocking, but trying to pry it open, the handle rattling up and down.

Daryl sprang up on the couch with a start. He turned on the lamp on the side table and grabbed his knife from under his borrowed pillow. He unsheathed it and stalked to the wall next to the door, and waited until the other person stopped messing with the handle. His mind raced, now more than alert, as he went through the possibilities of what awaited him. He knew something hadn’t seemed right about this place.

With baited breath and a ready knife, he unlocked the door and threw it open and was met with a shriek.

“ _Aah, que merda é esta?!_ ”

“Diana?” Daryl lowered his knife, confused at her sudden appearance, as if summoned by thought.

The object of his musings stood clutching a hand over her heart, the other supporting her against the doorframe. She was clad in a Star Wars shirt and regular black leggings that accentuated the curve of her shapely thighs. Her curls were loose and still damp from a shower, draping over her shoulders, making the top of her shirt cling to her skin. He could discern a soft citrus smell emanating from her.

“Whatchu doin’ here?” she slurred, blinking heavily and slumping against the wall.

“The hell are  _you_  doin’ here?” Daryl frowned and sheathed his knife before letting it drop to the floor behind the open door.

“Oh oh, ah asked first,” Diana said and looked at him expectantly, her rich brown eyes flying everywhere before they focused on him.

“What?”

“You sapos- sopuhs- sup-posed, yeah, t’say ‘I asked you second’, it’s- it’s a thing,” she explained nonsensically, her hands gesturing vaguely. Her shoulder slipped on the wall and she would’ve fallen if Daryl hadn’t caught her by the arm and held her up. Her skin was cool and he rubbed his hands on her upper arms to warm her up.

She grinned and stumbled in place, laughing in his face. He could smell the whiskey in her hot breath, but he was sure that what she’d had at dinner hadn’t been enough to get her this drunk. She’d been tipsy sure enough, but she had still been able to stand properly and her tongue hadn’t had as much difficulty with her words.

He could feel her body slacken in his hold, as if she was slowly losing the strength in her legs.

“You’re drunk off your ass,” he accused, and didn’t know if he should be amused by it or exasperated.

Diana’s addled mind reacted to his words by patting her behind with a worried look. Then she relaxed and smiled goofily, her blinks uncoordinated. “S’ still ‘ere.”

Daryl sighed. “Where’s your room?” he asked, hoping she’d at least be able to tell him that.

“Right ‘ere.” She pointed past him, inside.

He shook his head, a little voice taunting him about how he wished it was true. “No, it ain’t.”

“There, or there, or aaaaall the way ooover there.” She pointed at random doors while doing a wide and precarious twirl. Her bare foot caught on her ankle and she crashed backward into Daryl while he caught her under the arms. The fabric of her shirt was pinched under her armpits and the hem rode up her stomach, which still maintained some of its softness despite the hunger all of them had been going through. A shrug from Diana and the shirt exposed her belly button and the rhinestone piercing adorning it, which Daryl was seeing for the first time.

It surprised him pleasantly; he’d thought she seemed too much of a good girl for such things. It made him wonder if that was the only one.

He mentally cursed those stray thoughts away and focused on Diana, her head leaning back against his stomach. She looked up at him, cinnamon brown eyes caught in his and grinned. “Hiii.”

Fuck, he couldn’t just let her go around knocking on doors, not in this state. And like hell _he_ would. He exhaled deeply, propped her up to a stand and led her into his room, a guiding hand on the middle of her back as she looked clueless back at him. He hoped she wouldn’t misinterpret his actions in the morning, once she was sober.

On her way in, her dragging feet got caught on the carpet and she tripped. Daryl had been closing the door behind them and had been too slow to catch her. Luckily she caught herself on her forearms and stayed on all fours for a second, as if confused, and then burst out laughing. She pulled herself up onto her hands and then sat back on her legs, still chuckling.

It was nice to hear her laugh, with everything that had happened, it was a sound he’d missed.

Daryl picked up his knife off the ground, inhaled deeply and sighed while walking by her. “You a pain in my ass, ya know that?”

“Issa nice ass? Lemme see.” She groaned in disappointment and swatted blindly at his leg when he ignored her and put away his knife. Then it went forgotten and she was snickering again. “Ass.”

He sat heavily on the couch, the leather groaning under him, and he sighed contentedly. Diana had taken up pointing finger guns and making laser sounds, pretending to shoot at him and invisible targets in the dimly lit room. She pretended to take a hit from an unseen enemy and then slumped forward, folding over her legs until her forehead hit the carpet with a soft thud, hair spilling around her head, arms limp down her sides.

She moaned in distress and then came her muffled voice, “I been hit.”

Damn, who knew she turned into a child when drunk…

Daryl was too tired to entertain this, he wondered if it would take long until she fell asleep, then he would gladly let her have the couch.

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands. He looked down at Diana, his lips curling slightly in amusement.

Her arms were flapping at her side and she was saying something, but it all came out as indistinct murmurs. Her shirt had ridden up and he could see two dimples on the small of her back, her golden brown skin glowing in the yellow light of the lamp.

Daryl rubbed his hands down his face, pressing his fingertips against his eyes until he saw stars and her image was more or less erased from his mind’s eye.

When he peeked at Diana again, her face was a couple of inches away from his, her rich brown eyes like molten chocolate, blinking her heavy lashes up at him. He jumped back with a hissed curse, his knee jerking up and almost hitting her in the face. His heart raced as he stared wide-eyed at her lethargic expression, not even flinching at his erratic movement.

She’d managed to scooch forward without his notice; either she was an amazingly stealthy drunk or he was just too tired and distracted to have heard her.

Her delated reaction came in form of laughter. She clutched her belly and gasped between chuckles, then slumped forward, her head finding a rest on the inside of Daryl’s knee.

His breath hitched and his legs twitched close at that and she was forced to vacate. Her chin found itself propped on her forearms on top of Daryl’s now closed legs. He tried to ignore how his limbs trembled with the effort to remain still, but he could not ignore how his stomach had been set alit and was causing him to break out in a cold sweat. He glued himself to the back of the couch, as far away from Diana as possible.

That angle was even more alluring and he forced his eyes shut, chastising himself; Diana didn’t deserve to be victim of his hungry thoughts. He felt ashamed of himself, of his body’s reaction to her.

His fondness for her had started off purely chaste and innocent; he saw a vulnerability in her he sought to protect. But as she became more and more capable of doing so on her own, under his teachings, he started seeing her in a different light. She wasn’t a young doe-eyed girl in need of protection, she was an admirable warrior-in-training, and that’s how he regarded her.

The tenderness he valued in her added to her growing confidence became a powerful combination. Virtually irresistible in his eyes. He became attracted to the soft curl of her smiling lips and the strength of her arms whenever she held an arrow. He became hyperaware of her every touch and longed for her gentle fingers on his skin and holding her soft body against him and then more and more.

Now there she was, practically lying on his lap, but drunk and definitely not consenting. And even if she had been sober and willing, he respected her too much to make any advances. She was young, he was not. She was the best this world had to offer and he… was not.

“I like you, Daryl,” Diana sighed dreamily, breaking him out of his downward spiraling thoughts. His heart skipped a beat and he felt like a stupid boy with a crush, pretty pathetic. “And I like Glenn and T and Dale and Jacqui and Cátia and Bianca and _Abuelito, Dios lo tenga en su gloria_ , and…” she suddenly stopped and straightened herself, freeing his legs. Daryl could’ve sighed in relief. “I don’t like _mi Abuela_ ,” she slurred, “You know why?”

Daryl decided to humor her and shook his head, also grateful for the distance she was putting between them. He knew there was beef between the Lobo family and Irene’s mother as well as some other family members, but Diana had always sort of avoided the subject and he never pressed.

“She- she always mouthin’ bad ‘bout  _mami_ , y’know? She goes to e’ryone in the village and says- and says that  _mami_ ’s like this,” she stuck her nose in the air with an arrogant look, “and talks ‘bout her life and her money and tells  _lies_! She jealous! Always jealous! She’s a bad mom, a bad  _abuela_ , and  _mami_ ’s good, Daryl, she is.” Her hands were clenched into fists on his thighs now and her face was pulled with frustration and anger.

Daryl didn’t know what to do or say, nor did he trust his tongue to work, so he just sat and listened to her incoherent ramblings. The more she talked the more other languages slipped into her sentences and the less Daryl understood her. Which he was glad about because her hands riding up and down his thighs during her tirade were so distracting that he would not have been paying attention had he understood her words.

Diana fell suddenly silent, which alerted Daryl. She slipped away from him and sat beside his legs, her shoulder propped against the couch, one leg folded under the other, hands despondent on her lap.

He wondered what had caused the sudden change in mood, what had caused her to topple down the high she’d been riding.

“They’re dead,” she whispered, her voice heavy and watery.

_Shit_ , Daryl thought, and he slid off the couch to sit facing her. Diana looked at him from under her wet lashes, her eyebrows knitted into a pained grimace. There was no sound, no sobs, just tears down her high cheeks. He thought this was worse. It was sobering, unexpected. Unpredictable.

Daryl had never wanted to hold her as much as right then, to give her some sort of comfort, but he waited for her move. He knew she was always open for physical closeness, but he didn’t want to impose himself on her in the state she was in. He would only allow himself to what she let him.

Her chin quivered and she opened her arms to him, a bittersweet invitation. He took her into his arms until she sat between his legs, both of hers curling around his waist, as close as their bodies allowed. It was sweet torture, but he pushed it back; this was for Diana’s sake, not his own.

Her arms went around his chest, her hands clutching the fabric at his back and she cried silently into the crook of his neck. He listened to her quiet gasps and sniffles as his hands worked in small circles on her back.

Diana began talking after some minutes passed, her breath on his neck, and he thought he might get drunk off the sensation. He fought off a shiver down his spine and pulled himself together, his ears straining to hear her whispered words.

“I- I’m nothin’ without ‘em. I can’t- I’m- it’s my fault.”

Of course that’s what she was thinking. If that was one thing he’d learned about her, was that she tended to blame herself for shit that wasn’t her fault by miles. And that would not fly with him, not on this matter. “Hey,” he coaxed and pried her gently from him to look at her.

Her swollen eyes were still glossy with tears. His hands went from her shoulders to her cheeks, wiping the tracks with his thumbs.

The proximity wasn’t helping already, but now that her hands had scaled up his chest and neck, and her fingers were playing with the hair on the back of his head caused him to bite his tongue. His breath became shallow and his heart palpitated. He wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and give in to her hands.

“Talk to me,” he said and grabbed one distracting hand to rest on her lap.

She didn’t respond and bowed her head until her forehead settled against his collarbone. Her other hand slipped down his neck and joined the other in playing with one of the lower buttons on his shirt. In the sudden stillness of the room, he became almost hypersensitive to the fabric rustling softly against his skin and the citrus smell from her hair. Something stirred in his stomach. His hands twitched on her upper arms.

Diana spoke and her hands stilled. Thank God or whatever higher force was looking out for him.

“What am I gon’ do?” she asked in a tiny voice. “I can’t do anythin’ without ‘em. Felix an’ Alice, they- they need ‘em more than they need me.” Her shoulders jerked with a humorless chuckle. “I can- I can barely take care of myself! They cooked my meals, washed my laundry, drove me places!”

Diana pushed herself upright, then, and looked him in the eyes, hard and full of hatred for herself. “Why did they have to die?” she asked, emphasizing every word, and Daryl found himself short for them. “I’m useless in the real world.  _I_  shoulda died. They don’t need  _me_ , not me, not me!”

That was like a slap on the face.

He would not be allowing her to wallow in self-pity, that was something he could not tolerate. He accepted that she was mourning and trying to cope, but this was not the answer.

Daryl cupped her face between his palms and she stopped speaking at the suddenness. He couldn’t help admiring the few scattered tiny beauty spots on her skin from up close. Some on her right cheek had the makings of a constellation he knew but could not name.

He felt a sense of security in her drunkenness, like he didn’t have to be embarrassed by whatever he said. “There ain’t ever a reason for bad shit to happen, it just do. And then you either let it bring ya down, or you stick your middle finger up and rise above it.”

Her chin was trembling again, her bottom lip sticking slightly out, but she didn’t cry, so he continued. His hold became gentler and he swept some stray hairs away from her face.

“I ain’t sayin’ it ain’t gonna hurt, ‘cause it will. Like fucking hell. But when times are tough, you gotta be tougher, and I know you are. I seen you shrug off the end of the world like it ain’t mean a thing, and bring down two grown men like it was some minor-league shit.”

“I cried ‘bout all o’ that,” she admitted, looking off to the side, and Daryl could’ve laughed at her sheepish confession.

“Yeah, you gonna cry even more ‘bout this.” He swept her curls back and put his hands on her shoulders with a gentle squeeze. “That don’t mean it won’t get better.

It’s gonna be harder, it’s gonna take longer. But ya ain’t alone. Ya got your brother and sister, ya got me, shit you even got the fuckin’ ch- Glenn always on your damn tail.”

“Oh,” she said suddenly, her wide cinnamon eyes returning to his, and her fingers encased his wrist. “I’m sorry ‘bout Merle.”

Daryl huffed a breath of disbelief at her train of thought and nodded, pushing the subject aside. “Yeah. Get my point? Y’ain’t useless, you the only family those kids got. Samuel and Irene were killed, it ain’t nobody’s fault, especially not yours. There’s squat shit you coulda done-”

“-If I’d run faster,” Diana interrupted with a hard voice, looking down.

“You only woulda hurt yourself,” he reasoned, remembering thinking her lungs had been on the verge of collapsing as they ran back to camp by the way her breathing sounded.

“I shou- shoulda stayed behind,” her voice became thick with tears once more. “ _Papá_  was so- so mad at me, so disappointed. Both o’ them were. I-”

The tiny bit of resentment he’d felt towards her melted away. She’d sacrificed so much on his behalf; he couldn’t hold her responsible for his brother’s stupidity. He caught her eye. “One thing you can do to make it up to ‘em.”

“What?” she asked and dried her eyes on the backs of her hands.

Daryl tilted his head. “Ya gotta live.”

Diana exhaled deeply, sounding exhausted, and took her time thinking over his words before nodding. If there was anything he wanted her to remember from that night, it was those three words.

“Thank you,” she whispered, glancing up at him. Her hands cupped his jaw, thumbs gently caressing his stubbled cheeks, and she pulled him to herself until their foreheads rested together. Her skin was feverishly warm but not unpleasant.

Her hands then reached up and her fingers found his short hair again, digging into it, pulling slightly at the roots. A shiver ran down his spine, raising goosebumps on his skin and making his scalp tingle.

Daryl closed his eyes, his heart stopping for a beat only to restart at a gallop. He inhaled sharply, the scent of oranges and limes that wafted from her hair tickling his nose. Her warm breath on his lips made him wish to feel hers against his own, but he didn’t think to move.

Then he heard her moan in despair and whisper ‘oh, God’, which was when she threw up.

Daryl opened his eyes and inhaled deeply in acceptance. He should’ve expected that. He looked down at himself. It ran down his shirt in a long streak and his nose twitched at the smell.

Diana was staring at him with wide eyes, covering her mouth with her hands. She seemed to be awaiting some sort of repercussion or punishment, and even if he had gotten mad, he wouldn’t have stayed for long just from seeing her like that.

“ _Perdóname_ ,” she said from behind her hands, her eyes wide and apologetic, and wiped her mouth with the collar of her shirt.

The movement made him notice the dark stain on the Stars Wars logo of her shirt, and Daryl cursed his bad luck to hell and back.

He worried his bottom lip with his teeth and detangled himself from Diana’s legs, using the couch for leverage while holding his shirt so that nothing dripped. Diana followed him with her eyes in anticipation. “It’s alright,” he told her, and saw how her tense shoulders dropped.

He used one of his rags to mop up the most from his chest, then he balled it up and shoved it inside one of the shirt’s front pockets. He rummaged through his belongings and sighed in irritation. He only had one clean shirt; he’d washed all his other clothes before and had left them in the men’s locker room to dry, they would not have been ready by then.

He could give this clean one to Diana, but that would mean that he’d have to sleep bare-chested with her in the room. That thought didn’t make him very comfortable. But he couldn’t very well just let her sleep in soiled clothes or half naked.

There was also no way he’d go around knocking on doors for borrowed clothes, that was plain ridiculous and humiliating.

He could give up his room to her and sleep in the entertainment room, but then she’d wake up hungover, alone, and wearing his shirt. He needed to be there when she woke up to explain the situation.

“Damn it,” he hissed, absurdly annoyed at himself for not having possibly foreseen this outcome. He grabbed the shirt from his bag and handed it to Diana. “Put this on, I’mma wash yours.”

She took it with a grateful nod, awfully silent, and Daryl left her line of sight while keeping his back turned to her, giving her the privacy she deserved.

He almost crossed his arms over his chest but remembered himself and his nose crinkled at the unpleasant smell of sick. He shoved his hands in his pockets to stop from fidgeting. He could hear the scraping sound of cloth as Diana undressed, which made some uncharacteristic images pop into his mind, while he cursed his hormonal teenage-like thoughts. He was a fucking grown man, act like it!

Everything would be easier if he wasn’t attracted to her, then he could be the friend she considered him to be and also deserved.

A sigh of defeat reached his ears and then Diana’s muted voice, “I’m stuck.”

Daryl peeked over his shoulder to assess the situation and found her with her Star Wars shirt still on, the tight collar stuck halfway, her mass of curls the only thing visible. He couldn’t help the snicker that escaped him.

“Don’ laugh, help.” She gestured vaguely with her raised arms while twisting her torso to him.

“Yeah, yeah, stay still.”

Daryl knelt behind her and told her to raise her arms. Then he caught the hem of the shirt, the backs of his fingers brushing against her sides and Diana straightened herself with a tiny muted gasp. A knot tightened in his throat and a fire ignited in his lower abdomen.

He pulled the shirt up, almost unnecessarily slow, exposing her brown naked skin to his guilty but hungry eyes, then it went over her head and her curls cascaded over her back, the scent coming back to tease him.

There was enough silence to hear a pin drop, and Daryl could hear the sound of his own heart raging in his chest, spreading the fire through his veins. He clutched her shirt in his lap, keeping his hands grounded as his eyes took in everything he could see.

Her figure backlit by the golden light was almost divine. A halo following her curves and painting her hair. The dimples on the low of her back, the stretch marks on the soft curve of her hips, he took it all in.

Diana’s arms crossed her chest to cover herself and she looked at him over her shoulder, her hair moving like a veil over her skin, revealing more of it to him. He regarded her profile, her eyes were half closed in something akin to what he was feeling, and her lips were parted. Her tongue swept over them and Daryl found himself doing the same. Then her eyes were on him, molten chocolate enveloping him, and her lips moved to form his name in a silky voice.

His chest hurt with the way his heart was pounding and he became almost short of breath. He leaned forward and hovered over her shoulder, his eyes set on hers. His breath fell on her skin and she shivered, her teeth catching her bottom lip as her throat worked to swallow dry.

Daryl reached around her, careful not to touch her, and he grabbed his forgotten shirt from her lap. He leaned back just as slowly, wishing he could take her in his arms and lose himself in her. He wished she wasn’t drunk, wished he was less damaged, wished he was someone she would be proud to be with. Maybe then he would’ve enjoyed the sound of her voice calling his name that sweetly without anything holding him back.

He knew she didn’t mean anything by it, he knew she was inebriated and feeling sad and lonely, and he was a warm body that could comfort her. It was merely instinct. Still, he could wish.

“Get dressed,” Daryl whispered, and he helped his shirt over her head. He gathered her hair and pulled it out of the collar as her arms uncovered her front and slipped through the sleeveless holes.

If possible, she became even more appealing just for wearing his clothes. His stomach was so twisted he thought he was going to be sick as well, and there was a nervous trembling in his abdomen that spread to his hands.

He had to leave.

“Go lay down,” he told her once the knot in his throat allowed it, and then he took her shirt and was out of the room.

Once in the men’s bathroom, Daryl took off his shirt and threw himself into the task of washing their clothes, hoping the mindless task would numb his thoughts and calm his body. He really wasn’t looking to having to take a cold shower.

He rinsed the shirts and his rag and lathered them in hand soap and then scrubbed and scrubbed, using his knuckles until they felt raw. Then he focused on that pulsing sting, anything to take his mind off her.

He wrung the clothes free of excess water and then threw them into the sink in pent-up frustration, her image stamped in his mind’s eye, provoking him. It wasn’t fair to her. He was a trusted figure in her life, he shouldn’t be longing for her when he should be satisfied with what they had. Her friendship was more than enough, having her near him was even more than what he thought he deserved.

He glanced at his red, somewhat bloodied knuckles and then leaned heavily on the counter with a sigh, dragging his wet hands down his face. He looked at himself in the mirror; his chest and back bearing scars of years of abuse, hideous memories, things he didn’t want Diana to see and know about, at least not yet. She already knew too much about his shitty life as it was.

Daryl doubted she would even notice them in the state she was in right now, but what if she woke up earlier than him in the morning? Not to mention how bad it would look that she had slept in his room and had been wearing his clothes. Once again, he didn’t want her to misinterpret anything and hate his guts.

“Fuck,” he whispered and tore his gaze away, forcing his sobering thoughts elsewhere. At least his cold shower problem had been solved.

He grabbed the shirts, shook them open while getting splattered with droplets, and went back to his room, breathing deeply before turning the handle.

He hurried to the side table and turned off the lamp. To his good luck, Diana’s eyes were blissfully closed. She was lying on her belly on the edge of the couch, one arm and leg hanging precariously off the side, mouth slightly ajar.

There was light spilling into the room from under the door, so Daryl’s eyes adapted quickly to the dimness. He kept an eye on her while hanging their shirts over his crossbow to dry. He jumped and turned around when he heard her move, then cursed himself for his reaction.

From his bag, he retrieved his water flask and a dented leaf from a stash inside a side pocket. He grabbed an empty flower vase off the side table and crouched by Diana’s side.

He called her name until she blinked blearily at him through her heavy lashes. “Here, rinse your mouth.” He handed her the flask and held the vase under her chin. He heard the water swishing in her mouth and then she swallowed it. “No, spit it out.”

“Too late,” Diana whispered. She grabbed the flask with his hand still attached to it and led it to her waiting lips, forcing him to go along. She drained it, gulping noisily, and then sighed with satisfaction. Daryl took the flask and his hand back with a fond curl of his lip and wiped his thumb on the corner of her mouth, where some water had trickled down her chin.

Her lips moved under his touch, forming a sleepy smile that tugged at Daryl’s heartstrings. She let her head flop back down onto the pillow, her hair spilling everywhere and over her face. She blew on it but the strands always landed back on her cheek.

Daryl breathed out in amusement and curled the hair behind her ear, and then put the leaf up to her lips. “Chew on this,” he whispered.

“Wazzdat?” she mumbled but opened her mouth anyway, her tongue poking his fingers, not even waiting for his answer. He felt touched by her trust. It could be the drink messing with her judgment, but he liked to think it was because she absolutely trusted him.

“Mint leaf,” he answered simply while pulling the blanket over her.

“Mmhm, daznice,” she slurred, and then turned her back to him, scooching to the back of the couch.

Daryl shook his head at the ease with which her moods changed and stood. He thanked his lucky stars that she was back to her childishly drunk self and he hadn’t come back to her the way he’d left her, deliciously seductive and so out of reach.

He closed his bag and dropped it onto the floor next to the couch to use as a pillow. He lied down; the carpet was better than hardwood floors any day, but it still didn’t help his aching restless body. He stretched this and that way, turned to one side and then the other, but no position was better than the last, so he let himself be on his back.

“Daryl?” sounded Diana’s drowsy voice, and Daryl wished he was dead already.

He cleared his throat and whispered, “What?”

“Where’re you?”

He raised his hand and waved it once. “Here.”

“Where- oh.” He heard the creaking of the couch springs and the groaning of the leather cushions, and saw her head peek out the side of the couch, her curls cascading over the edge, their subtle scent reaching his nose, bringing back recent memories of her bathed in light.

He inhaled deeply and looked up at her, crossing his arms over his bare chest, hoping it was dark enough and she was inebriated enough.

“What’re ya doin’ there?” she asked, tucking her hair back so it didn’t obscure her vision, her cheek pressed against the cushion.

“Tryna sleep,” he said and closed his eyes again, hoping she’d take the hint.

“On the floor?”

Daryl sighed. “Yeah, on the floor.”

“The sofa’s enough big both for us, wait,” she stopped and then rephrased it emphatically, “big enough for both of us, yeah.” Her hand reached down to one of his that was covering his torso, her warm fingers wrapping around his wrist, and she tugged on it. “Don’t worry, your dinagy- your dinty- your  _dignity_  is gon’ be left intact.”

Is that what was going through her mind? He thought she’d be more worried about her own dignity. He looked up to see her goofy smile as she blinked slowly down at him, her eyes half-lidded.

“If not, I’mma sleep on da floor and you take da sofa,” she pressed, and then booped his nose with a fitting sound. “It’s your sofa.”

He didn’t respond, hoping that his silence would cause her to give up. “Okay, then,” he heard her say, and opened his eyes to see her begin her descent, her legs clumsily dropping down the side of the couch as she tried to climb down on all fours. Her knee hit the floor rather abruptly and she hissed in pain.

He caught her as she was about to fall on top of him and breathed out, “Fine. Climb back up.”

“Yass,” she said and up she went. His hands left her as soon as she was safe from any further bruises.

Daryl sat up and sighed hopelessly, rubbing his forehead and pinching the bridge of his nose.

Diana was lying on her side at the back of the couch, looking at him expectantly, pulling down the blanket for him to climb in next to her.

He swallowed heavily, his blood restarting its former well-known race through his body, making him break out in a nervous sweat. The couch was too narrow and he could feel her heat everywhere that her body didn’t touch, and believe him, it was touching plenty.

He lied rigidly, dangerously close to the edge of the couch, his hands folded over his stomach as he tried to school his breathing.

Diana draped the thin scratchy blanket over him and her hand dragged over his chest as it returned to her side. Her arms were folded at her chest, pinned between him and her, and he could feel the backs of her fingers caressing his upper arm. Then her nose poked the same spot and he felt the cold rush of air as she inhaled.

“You smell good,” she sighed, and Daryl wished once again for death to take him. Then she made a small sound of realization and shuffled to rise on her elbow. “Lift your head,” she whispered near his ear, her breath tickling him and causing him to suppress a shiver. She slipped the pillow under his head so that they could share it.

Her head settled close to his, her hand rested limply on his stiff upper arm, shy of his chest, and she had draped one leg over his so that her knee took residence between his legs and her warm inner thigh came very close to something it shouldn’t.

“You comfy?” her warm voice asked, the final drop that brought a rush of blood to his face and a location more to the south. He didn’t trust his voice and merely nodded once and heard her sigh, “Good.”

He was shivering, she had turned him, a grown man with sexual experience than went beyond sharing a bed while completely clothed, into a trembling fucking mess.

There was no way he’d be falling asleep soon at this rate.

He dreaded the days to come. He had been able to keep his affections in check until now ever since becoming aware of them, from now on he would have to work extra hard on that aspect. He’d have to keep a physical distance from her if he wanted to remain sane, nothing too drastic or she would know something was wrong.

She _couldn’t_ know.

He wanted to spare her the discomfort. He knew her and knew she would never abandon him, but his feelings and his desires would put her in an awkward position and that was the last thing he wanted.

He would wait them out. She was young, smart even if on the naïve side, and beautiful, she wouldn’t have to wait long until she found someone more appropriate for her, maybe even Glenn, and then he’d have to do the noble thing, which was a pretty recent thing for him, and let go of said feelings and desires.

It seemed there was no other direction for his thoughts to go but downward, and Daryl let them drag him until his mind and body sobered up.

He looked at Diana in the dark, her face relaxed in blissful sleep, lips parted and breathing deeply, her breath on his shoulder and up his neck. He relished in feeling her soft body limp against his own, but sentenced himself to just that one time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he hides it pretty well and diana's dense as fuck, so i don't think it's gonna be a problem. poor guy tho, add all this to the fact he's touch starved and i'm not being very kind to him...
> 
> **please leave a nice comment or anything at all, I appreciate the appreciation ******


	36. the magic of monopoly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was supposed to be posted on the 12th of this month to celebrate Diana's b-day, but I got hit with double shifts and evening shifts and my time for writing went down the drain with them  
> so here ya go!

oOo

A spasm in Diana’s lower abdomen awoke her from a dreamless sleep. She could literally feel her uterus shredding to bits and expelling itself from her body. It was both disgusting and fascinating. And painful. But that last one was less noticeable at the moment since it felt like she’d woken up from a car wreck where her head had hit every surface imaginable before she blacked out.

She groaned in pain, her eyes shutting and hands massaging her temples. Her uterus chose to complain with emphasis and had her curling in on herself on her sofa.

Wait, sofa? She’d received a room with a cot to sleep in, not a sofa.

The sudden realization that something wasn’t right pushed the pain away as she became dreadfully aware of an unknown body at her back, clinging to her. Her heart raced, adrenaline sharpening her senses, panic rushing through her mind, as she wondered how she hadn’t noticed the arm snaked around her middle before.

She forced herself to calm down; maybe she’d found her way to one of her siblings’ room in her drunken stupidity. She was still too startled and hungover to have sharp recollections of the night before.

It couldn’t be Alice, for the obvious reason that she’d never cuddle with her, but the breathing also didn’t sound like Felix’s. Her head pounded along with every heartbeat; it felt like she had a second heart up in her skull, hammering away, pushing behind her eyes, deafening her ears.

Diana was lying very still, trying to stifle her quick shallow breathing, trying to think of what to do, and desperately trying to remember what had happened last night.

The person stirred behind her, their entire body stretching, their arm tightening around her. They were waking up, fuck! Only when their body went slack, their sighed yawn fanning on her shoulder, did she recognize it as a male voice.

Diana saw red. She was about to turn around and bury her elbow in whatever body part was closest and scream in accusation, when he whispered, “Shit.”

Daryl.

A vague memory of him opening her door with a knife in hand while she screamed came to her. Except, apparently, it hadn’t been her door.

She shut her eyes and relished in the relief flooding through her. It was short-lived, however, soon overwhelmed by embarrassment. She didn’t have enough time to think about much of anything, though.

The sudden loss of warmth on her back and stomach came as an unpleasant surprise; now that she knew it had been a friend and not any random person cuddled up to her, she hadn’t half minded it. She would even have been fine with falling back to sleep like that, if only to not to have to deal with the aches she’d woken up to.

Diana felt a blanket being draped over her, too scratchy to be comfortable. Daryl pulled it up to her shoulders, then brushed her hair away from her face, his fingers getting caught in some strands. She was glad she was facing away from him, her expression would’ve given her away.

She mourned the loss of his presence and fine-tuned her ears to his movements about the room. His steps were light, as was to be expected of him, and his breathing was too silent for her to hear. He was almost the perfect predator himself, if not for the scraping sound of his clothes as he walked. He then stopped, dropped something heavy at the end of the sofa, sighed, and then more clothing sounds, but this time as he stood in place.

Some silent seconds after, the door handle turned and faint light flooded the room, only to disappear with another click as the door closed.

Diana looked over her shoulder, way too quickly, causing her second heart to jolt lightning behind her eyes. She lied on her back and pressed the balls of her hands to her shut eyes, hissing in pain.

How much had she had to drink? The more she tried to think, the more it hurt. She only remembered feelings, but her actual memories were locked behind smoked glass, extremely vague and faded as the night went on.

The last thing she remembered clearly was Alice putting her to sleep. In her cot. How she’d ended up in Daryl’s room, sharing his sofa was a complete damn mystery to her.

From what she recalled before, she guessed she had come to him. The why and how still eluded her.

She sighed deeply and dragged her hands down her face once the headache subsided the tiniest bit. She could feel the oil buildup on her skin, she grimaced and used the collar of her shirt to rub it off.

The shirt didn’t feel like hers, and it smelled different. Her own odor was mostly neutral to her nose, so it wasn’t hard to distinguish that this shirt wasn’t hers, simply by the fact that it smelled like something. Like Daryl, she realized, but, you know, a version of him that showered regularly. She pulled the blanket up to her nose and took a sniff. It smelled musty. So it hadn’t been because of them sharing a be- sofa…

Her hands flew to her shoulders; bare. Sleeves; gone. The shirt; Daryl’s.

It triggered some sort of weird third person view flashbacks. Her throwing up, Daryl helping her take her shirt off, then pulling the one she had on over her head.

…

!

!!!!!

Diana sat up like a coiled spring set free, her head weighing more than she expected, feeling like her brain had set off explosives inside her skull with the sudden movement. She cursed out loud and shut her eyes and powered through, her foggy memories much too shocking for her to give a fuck about the pain.

The rush of feelings made her chest clench and her breathing became shallow due to it. She didn’t know what had overcome her last night. She remembered feeling stupid and childish when her shirt got stuck on her head, too damn drunk and useless to complete the simple task of dressing herself.

Then Daryl’s warm hands had touched her on the sides and the childish thoughts all scattered from her head. As muddled as her mind had been, her body had reacted according to its delay. Her spine had become rigid, goosebumps had formed on her skin, her damn nipples had gotten hard and sensitive. And then the anticipation of pleasure set in.

Diana was a virgin to another person’s touch, but that didn’t mean she didn’t know her own. Her body plus the alcohol in her system had taken his fingers skimming along her skin as the beginning of a ritual. A ritual she hadn’t partaken in for weeks on end, all because she’d been sharing sleeping compartments with her siblings.

But she had recognized the touch as not her own, which had heightened her longing even more. She had wanted him to touch her. And she had wanted to touch him.

She didn’t remember anything in detail, she had the alcohol to thank for that, but the churning she was feeling in her lower belly caused her to press her legs together and fall back onto the sofa with a muffled groan.

She waited for the sudden flash of pain in her head to pass and stared at the dark ceiling. Her hands lied restless on top of her burning belly and her feet tapped rhythmically on the armrest of the sofa. Diana bit her lip, her mind going places it shouldn’t be going. She tugged on the shirt to catch its scent again. It helped her remember the sensations that accompanied it, her hand began to travel down her navel under the blanket but stopped hesitantly where it touched her fervent skin.

Was she fucking stupid? Was she still drunk, maybe? Had she seriously been considering doing _that_ knowing full well that Daryl could be returning at any moment? And also knowing that she was full swing into shark week?

Her heart was pounding in her chest and throbbing between her legs.

Diana huffed out in frustration and covered her flushed face with both hands, trying to make herself snap out of it. All it did was help her envision him on top of her, hands caressing up her legs, fingers hooking on the hem of her leggings, kisses on the insides of her thighs.

NO!

No?

No!

Daryl was her friend, a platonic friend. A friend she’d had sex dreams about more than once, with absolutely no way of releasing the fire in her belly, and was now having waking fantasies about…

She was awful. She was defiling their friendship with her weird hormonal yearning. She was fine with her head deep under the most famous river in Egypt. She knew she had no time for crushes nor relationships that went beyond what she had now.

She had her kids to care for, had a world full of walkers out to get them. Romance or anything of the sort was the last thing she needed right now. It would only complicate her otherwise already complicated life.

And God knows Daryl would never think of her in that sense. And if there had been any chance he would, it had evaporated last night. He had probably been very creeped out by her unknowingly showing up at his door, making a fool of herself - as she could imagine -, and then vomiting on him!

What a fucking disgrace. That sobering realization took all the beauty away from her fantasies.

She had most likely seemed pathetic to him, and sad. It stung to think of him pitying her while helping her change out of her soiled clothes, probably disgusted by her.

Tears of self-pity threatened to swell in her eyes, but Diana beat them down. She seriously had no perspective! With everything that had happened in the last couple of days and she was feeling down because of this?

Fuck no!

She would stick her middle finger up and rise above it! Fuck if that’s what he thought. If that helped her ground her feet on that bittersweet friendship, then she would use it. All the more reason to leave things as they were. (Not that she would ever have the courage to do anything about it otherwise, cowardly binch that she was.)

Her thoughts were interrupted by the person himself.

Daryl opened the door just a crack, enough for light to hit her right in the face, blinding her and making her head throb.

Diana hissed and turned away, covering her face, both because of the light and out of sudden abashment.

The door clicked close and she heard Daryl state, “You awake.” The next time he spoke, his raspy voice was nearer, “First time hungover?”

Diana peeked at him in the darkness and made out his form as he bent down by the side table. He turned on the lamp and was bathed in golden light. She took a couple of breaths to calm herself and uncovered her face with a precarious nod.

“I’m thirsty and everything hurts,” she confessed, choosing the light path before she rained her thousands of questions down on him.

He chuckled once and looked down on her in amusement. “Thought so. Sit up, I got you something.” He raised the plate in his hand to her attention.

She wiggled upwards on the sofa until her head hit the armrest, and then Daryl placed the plate down on the table to help her sit up and adjust the pillow at her back. Diana kept her eyes downward and away from him. His biceps and chest so close to her face and the scent of fresh, pheromone-filled sweat in her nose made her clench her hands on her lap.

The familiar feelings made her realize how obliviously blind she’d been concerning her attraction towards him since it first began. She had always ignored the clichéd flutter of her heart and the shortness of breath, just because she didn’t think Daryl to be her type.

Her head-ass crush on John Boyega made her think that if she were to feel attracted to a guy in the near future, it would be someone that resembled him. Or maybe someone like Guillermo, who was, admittedly, very, _very_ hot. Which, in hindsight, was really shallow of her.

And Daryl was… the total opposite of them.

To be honest, she never thought she’d ever feel attracted to a white guy to this extent. Almost all the ones she knew hadn’t really left the best impression on her until now, if not looks, then disappointing personality.

Daryl snapped her out of her derailed thoughts. Thoughts that should be lowest on her list of priorities at the moment. She should gain some perspective, really. He sat opposite her, beside her knees, and offered her the plate. There was a glass of water balancing on it, a pill, a fork, and something that resembled scrambled eggs.

Diana’s stomach revolted at the sight of it and her face creased with nausea. She took the water and the pill, which she assumed was for her headache, and handed the plate back, sticking her tongue out with a disgusted sound. “I’m not eating that right now.”

“Ya should, eggs are the best hangover cure.”

“Yeah, and how much of that are actual real life eggs?” Diana retorted and swallowed the pill. She drained the water in two seconds and sighed in relief afterward. Talking made her tongue feel even more like a ball of cotton.

Daryl fell silent, face set in stone but eyes that betrayed it.

She swirled the remaining drops in the glass and upended it, waiting for them to fall into her outstretched tongue. Then, unsatisfied with the dryness that remained in her mouth, she held the glass out to Daryl and blinked sheepishly at him. “More?”

“Eat the eggs,” he commanded with a nod towards the food.

Diana shrugged loosely. “Can’t eat something that dry without water to wash it down.”

Daryl regarded her for a few seconds, then sighed and took the glass from her with a shake of the head. He shoved the plate towards her once more and stood up, the sofa creaking with the sudden loss of weight. “Ya better have started before I come back.”

She resisted the urge to throw an ‘or what?’ at his back as he closed the door behind him. They were used to playful banter between them, but it would sound way more provocative than that.

His absence brought a certain clarity to her mind. She picked at the clumps with the fork absentmindedly, shoved them in her mouth and swallowed them without breathing. The aftertaste wasn’t that bad, but her stomach was still sensitive and the smell was pungent enough to threaten to spill her stomach contents once more.

Diana’s mind went to more sensible topics; her brother and sister, were they up already? Had they slept well? How were they doing? She felt so guilty to have been there thinking only with her uterus while they were suffering on their own. It was selfish of her.

When Daryl returned, the plate lied empty on the ground, and Diana had her legs curled towards her chest, the prickly blanket around her like a mantle, swallowing her entire body. Her head felt a little better, but she still drained the water as soon as he handed it to her.

He sat at her feet with a nod of satisfaction towards the plate, then accepted the empty glass back. He put it on the ground at his feet.

“Did you see my kids?” was the first thing she asked, now soberer than ever.

Daryl nodded and leaned back on the sofa, his hands resting on his thighs. “Yeah, they eatin’ breakfast.”

Diana looked down, inspecting an uneven seam on the corner of the blanket, and nodded. “Good. Eating is good.” It sounded like absolute drivel, but Daryl still nodded in agreement, as if it was the most sensible thing she’d said since waking up. Which was probably not a lie.

She remained silent for some time, trying to string together what she remembered and what she wanted to ask of Daryl. He seemed to notice her anticipation and lent her time.

The first and most obvious question that came to mind was, “What… what happened last night?” she voiced it quietly, almost fearful of the answer.

Daryl’s eyes jumped on her face, examining her hesitant expression, then he swallowed thickly and said, “You showed up here hammered, tryna pry open the door, thinkin’ this was your room,”

“I remember that part,” Diana commented, cracking her knuckles under the blanket.

“I let you in. Ya almost fell on your face, then laughed like it was the funniest shit ever. Started speakin’ in foreign languages at some point, ‘cause I ain’t understand nothing you said.” The amused curl of his lips fell and his hands flexed on his legs. “Then you… ya cried. About...”

“Mom and dad,” she supplemented logically, her eyes downcast. She tightened the blanket around her, hugging her legs closer to her chest. “I’m sorry for the downer. We should’ve been celebrating our safety… I’m- I’m sorry I ruined that for you.”

Daryl’s hand found her covered forearm and he squeezed for her attention. “Don’t. Ya didn’t ruin anythin’.” Diana’s sheepish gaze found his confident one, and his hand retracted. “Ya got the right to mourn. Never feel bad about that.”

“The thing is, I’ve been crying on everybody’s shoulder,” Diana spat out in self-hate, triggered by his words, “Mom and dad were worth every tear, but I wanna be stronger than that. I need to be stronger than that.”

“Ain’t nothing sayin’ you can’t cry and still be strong. One don’t mean the absence of the other,” Daryl said in earnest. His hand rested on the sofa cushion between them as if reaching out to her but not wanting to touch her.

He was right, of course. After all, hadn’t she been the one to say that she wanted to maintain her soft core? That _that_ was the essence of her humanity? There was no contradiction between the two concepts. But she still foolishly feared others would see weakness in her sorrow.

She nodded, knowing she would have to work on that. She freed her hand from under the cover and glided her it under Daryl’s, hooking their fingers together. He squeezed almost automatically and she smiled faintly at his stoic profile.

“What happened after?” she asked, resuming her former line of interrogation.

Daryl inhaled deeply as if resurfacing from deep thoughts and glanced at her. “Ya threw up on yourself and had to change.” His hand slid away from her and he cleared his throat, adjusting himself on the sofa.

Diana thought it better not to comment that she also remembered that part. Some things were better unsaid. Instead, she asked, “That’s why the shirt?”

“That’s why the shirt,” he repeated. Silence fell after that.

Fearing to fall into previous inappropriate lines of thought, Diana cleared her throat. “I think I- I better go make an appearance. You know, so the kids know I’m back to the world of the conscious and sober. If they care, ha. Did they ask about me? No, of course they didn’t, how would they know you knew how I was?” She was nervous rambling. “I mean, then they would have to have like a suspicion, and I’m sure I didn’t do anything to make people suspicious that you would know how I spent the night, you know?” And there was no stopping her. “I mean, after all, I guess I was pretty drunk, but I don’t think I give people the impression that I’d sleep with- with anyone that crosses my path when I’m drunk, right? Although, you never know, ‘cause I’ve never been drunk before, so it could go any which way, really. What I mean is-”

“I’mma stop you right there,” Daryl interrupted her, thankfully, and grabbed her by a flailing forearm. The blanket had fallen forgotten at her sides in her ranting, her arms had joined her waterfall of words by gesturing around wildly and vaguely.

“Oh thank God,” Diana whispered and deflated with a sigh.

“Get dressed, your shirt’s clean and dry. Ya can come out when you’re ready.” Daryl stood and made towards the door, then stopped. “Ya know the way to the cafeteria still?” he teased.

“Ha ha,” Diana mocked and shooed him away with a flick of her hand.

oOo

Deciding that she wanted to join the others whilst looking like a regular human being, Diana went to her room first, which, when sober, was much easier to find. She dressed in clean clothes, remarking that she’d have to do their laundry at the next opportunity, then headed to the ladies’ bathroom, finding it miraculously empty.

She combed her incredibly tangled curls, looking like a lion by the end of it, then oiled and primped her mane to smooth curls before tying them in a tight ponytail. She didn’t have as much care with her hair as she ought to, but the apocalypse had brought that on.

The rest of her morning routine was completed with only a slight headache throughout it. She cursed alcoholic beverages to high heaven and deep hell, then did the same with her TOM.

Out of some looting instinct, she shoved every abandoned tampon and hygiene article she found in the locker room into her nécessaire. Which then reminded her that she had been wanting to ask Dr. Jenner for stuff to replenish her med-kit.

She had to constantly remind herself that they would be staying and she could relax, but the survivor that had been born in her told her not to unpack yet. For whatever damn reason.

She entered the cafeteria feeling fresher, but brimming with paranoia.

Almost everyone was there, including Alice and Felix. She looked like she’d barely slept a wink, and Felix’s eyes were somewhat swollen. The mask they’d had on last evening was slipping. Diana wished she knew how to take away their pain, however impossible the task was.

Diana wanted them to be happy again, but that would take time, and forcing it onto them would be condescending. They weren’t children anymore, in every sense of the word, and they would resent her if she ignored their grief.

She would give them the time they needed to work out their feelings. But she would always stay near. She feared their response to the loss. Spoken words were nice and good, but they’d been right in the middle of shock when they’d made their promises. Who knew what could happen in the aftermath?

It was a little bit hypocritical of her; she expected them to rely on her but would not do the same, she didn’t want to press happiness onto them but thought otherwise for herself.

She pushed that aside, for now, deciding to take one day at a time as to not overwhelm herself. She was only human, after all.

Diana walked toward the table, saying a quiet ‘good morning’ that was heard by all. Dale commented on her sobriety with an amused smile while T-Dog laughed at how hungover she looked. Diana took it all graciously with open arms, then chuckled at the dismayed groan coming from Glenn, whose hangover seemed to be ten times worse than hers.

Daryl gestured to him with his glass of orange juice – OJ, really? That was cute… - then looked at Diana pointedly. “He can’t handle his liquor as gracefully as you, Ms. Daniels,” he joked, which caused another bout of laughter from T-Dog and another groan from Glenn, followed by muffled mumbling.

Diana rubbed her hungover friend’s back with a coo and leaned next to his ear to plant a loud kiss on its shell. She snickered with _Schadenfreude_ when he whined and moved away, burying his head deeper in his arms.

Then she moved next in line to Alice, who was sat on the bench next to him, munching on some grain cookies, and Felix next to her, who was eating a mix of fried bacon and canned peach halves.

She squeezed herself into the space between both of them, both protesting her bothersome presence familiarly. She kissed Alice on the cheek, hugging her to herself, and the girl almost erupted in the likes of a volcano, yelling out in disgust and wiping her cheek and scooching away. Once all the insults that she didn’t mean stopped and she returned moodily to her food, announcing that Diana had just ruined her day, Diana did the same thing to Felix.

He was much more mellow about it, even welcomed it. He leaned his head down so his sister could kiss his sparsely stubbled cheek and even put an arm around her when she came in for a hug. He had his days of assholery in which he could barely tolerate his sisters’ presence much less put up with Diana’s constant need for affection. But he was also needy, she could tell.

Diana set her elbows on the table and propped her chin on her hands with an easy smile. She wasn’t alone and she wasn’t useless, even if that was what her mind tried to feed her sometimes.

Lori, who sat facing her, gave her a tentative smile before cutting off a bit of her bacon and eating it. Diana couldn’t read the meaning behind it, but it didn’t sit right with her. Had she bore witness to her traipsing about the night before? Did she know she hadn’t slept in her own room?

There was no way she knew, she tried to reason with herself. To calm down, she looked at Carl, eating his ‘scrambled eggs’, and leaned forward. “Did you get to go to the rec room, yesterday?” she asked excitedly, hoping to rouse a good mood and make the boy smile.

It was an easy conquest, and his baby blue eyes shone as he nodded excitedly. “Yep, there were a lot of board games, and me and Sophia played Monopoly until, like, ten.”

“Wow,” Diana said, feigning impressiveness, but not wanting to sound patronizing, “Did you finish the game?”

“Has anyone ever finished a game of Monopoly?” the boy countered.

Diana pointed a finger at him with a nod. “Touché, my friend.”

Carl laughed that childlike laugh that warms your heart and returned to his food while Lori ran her hand over his head affectionately. The mother smiled fondly at her son and then Diana.

The subject had Dale telling a tale of how that game had been his wife Irma’s favorite, and that she’d told him she had decided she wanted to marry him after they’d stayed up an entire night playing and managed to call it off with their relationship intact.

The laughter at the table made Glenn groan and drop his head on his arms once more, which caused them to laugh even harder at his sake.

By then, Alice had stood up to go to the bathroom, so Diana turned to her friend, her hand splayed between his shoulder blades, and leaned in close until her chin was resting on his shoulder. “That hangover still kicking?”

He started nodding, but stopped with a hiss of pain and spoke instead, his voice muffled, “Yeah. Thought yours would too.”

Diana kissed his shoulder. “Yeah, well, looks like Daryl’s right, I _can_ handle my drink better than you,” she teased. She leaned back and put her fingernails to the nape of his head, raking up and down the back of his neck, hoping it would help distract from the pain.

Glenn flinched away with a shudder and sat upright. “That tickles,” he complained, his bleary eyes having a hard time focusing on her.

“That’s the point.”

At hearing the word ‘tickles’, Felix turned away from the conversation he’d been holding with a newly returned Alice in Swiss German, so no one would understand, and stretched his bare arm towards Diana, which caused Alice to protest the unfairness.

Before the verbal altercation and the pushing and shoving between the two could escalate, Diana stood from her seat and dropped a kiss on the top of Glenn’s head while cradling it from above and caressing his cheeks with her thumbs. Then she sat again between her siblings to concede to their requests.

After breakfast, everyone helped clean up, and then each retreated to do whatever they wanted.

On her way out of the cafeteria, Diana heard Shane complain to Rick about Jenner not joining them that morning, and that he needed to answer their questions because otherwise, it was pointless for them to be there.

Diana left with a scowl at his words. Well, pointless or not, they were safe, Alice and Felix were safe, and that’s what mattered to her right now. She also wanted answers, but they could wait, they had time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boi
> 
>  
> 
> **please leave a comment ******


	37. dying now would be counterproductive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I apologize for the long-ass wait, many circumstances caused this delay and I'm sorry for that.**
> 
> **So here you go, a long chapter for your reading pleasure!**
> 
> **LY ******

oOo

Diana couldn’t feel the tips of her fingers. Really, she couldn’t, they were so numb, and her fingers were cramping up. She’d been at it for about one and a half hour and was still only halfway done. Prepping the hair had taken half that time, honestly.

Alice yelped when Diana tugged on the girl’s roots with too much force.

Diana looked at her in the mirror and muttered an apology while admiring her hard work.

Alice had come to her while she’d been in her room, writing _stuff_ in the margins of her book, and had asked her to braid her hair. Now, she was still sat on a stool in front of the bathroom counter, the right half of her hair braided into tight rows, while Diana focused on her task, tongue poking out to touch the corner of her lip.

“How much longer is this gonna freaking take?” Alice breathed out, wincing at the pain. “Ugh, you’re worse than Frau Spreyermann.”

Diana gasped, stopping to raise a hand to her chest. “How dare you?”

“Yeah, I said it.”

They had lived in a small place in Switzerland, and Frau Spreyermann had been the only hairdresser in the vicinity that claimed to be able to work with black hair. Worst mistake ever.

She’d almost chemically burnt Alice’s scalp somehow and braided her hair so tightly that she had headaches for over a week. Mom had to undo the braids and had to take her to the hospital at one point because her scalp was so sensitive that the skin tore. She still had the scar from the stitches, hidden away by her kinky curls.

Alice was still convinced it had been a hate crime.

Her dad and older sister had taken over styling her hair ever since. Sam had had many older sisters, who had made use of his nimble fingers when he was young to make him help them do their hair, and he had passed his knowledge down to his children.

A weight barreled against her chest at the memories. Diana ignored the ache and the sting rising up her sinuses and prickling the backs of her eyes.

She cleared her throat and said, “Just wait a lil bit, alright?”

With about a third to go, Diana stopped to stretch her fingers and rest her hands.

Both Carol and Jacqui had come by to use the restroom by then. The former had smiled warmly at them and told them she’d baked some sort of cookies with the ingredients available in the cafeteria; she’d had to replace a lot of them with vegan equivalents, but her daughter had approved. That was a sweet something to look forward to. If she was grieving her husband’s death, it went unnoticed. If anything, it was likely something to be celebrated, however morbid and utterly wrong it sounded.

Jacqui had been crying. Diana took a wild guess what it was about; Jim came first to mind, but she also remembered Stanley, who Jacqui had been very close to back at the Quarry. Diana remembered him by the stab wound on his thigh that he’d suffered while running away from a couple of survivalist neighbors who had gone insane right at the beginning of the rise of the undead. He’d told Diana all about it once while she inspected the wound, which wasn’t infected but hadn’t completely healed as well.

He hadn’t made it that night. Diana had to look at his shotgun-blown-up face and cross his name off her medical records and forced herself not to feel.

Jacqui had come out of one of the stalls puffy-eyed, and everyone kept to themselves. It had perhaps been selfish not to ask her if she needed anything, but her avoidant gaze told them she wanted to be left alone. Alice wasn’t one to press on such subjects and Diana took a page out of her book.

Diana finished up and let Alice stand to admire the do. The small braids waved over her scalp and the tips reached down to her shoulder blades. It was something simple, but practical, and Diana had no bundles to work with.

She leaned against the counter and crossed her arms, watching Alice watch herself in the mirror, her head rotating to examine all sides.

In the end, her lips tugged down and she shrugged. “You’ve done better.”

Diana breathed in disbelief and shook her head, not surprised at the nonchalant remark and not taking it seriously anyhow. Alice’s hands were on the braids and Diana joined her, feeling the texture under her fingertips.

She observed her little sister. She wasn’t alright. Of course she wasn’t. She hid it well and Diana could be _very_ oblivious, but she didn’t have to see it to know it.

She glanced at her feet and took the plunge. “Hey uh… do you- do you wanna talk?”

Alice’s eyes didn’t shift towards her, but her hands stilled on the ends of the braids and she held herself against the sink. Diana saw her knuckles protrude against her skin at the tight grip and resisted the urge to reach out.

Alice scoffed with a bitter smile and threw a fleeting glance in her sister’s direction, not meeting her eyes. “It’s like you don’t even know me,” she breathed out, sounding more tired than she possibly wanted to let on.

“I’m just- I want you and Felix to know that I’m here for you. If there’s anything…”

Alice nodded curtly, eyes downcast. “I know. Thanks but no thanks. Ask Felix.”

“I will.”

A short silence fell between them, filled only by the tap-tap of Diana’s sneakered toes on the tiles. It felt uncomfortable and filled with tension, unusual to them.

Diana picked at the invisible dirt underneath her recently clipped fingernails while Alice examined a light spattering of darkened acne on her cheeks and chin.

Then she stopped, her hands abruptly smacking against the sink with a clear sound, startling Diana. Her hazel eyes were almost as orange as a flame, looking as if set ablaze. “I’mma tell you something to get you off my back-”

“I wasn’t on your ba-” Diana murmured.

“Would you let me…? Okay? Jeez,” Alice sighed in annoyance and raised a brow. “Here about to do something real selfless to make you feel better and you’re still riding my-”

“Okay, I get it,” her sister interrupted, then gestured with her hand, “Please, do go on.”

“Horse,” Alice finished, “I was gonna say riding my horse, but go off, I guess.”

Diana rolled her eyes a little and muttered, “You were _not_ gonna say horse.”

“Anyway!” Alice’s eyes dared her sister to say another word. “Okay, so you better clean your nasty waxy ears and listen very carefully, alright? ‘Cause I’m only gonna be saying this once.” She looked away with a groove between her brows.

Diana was morbidly curious. Alice usually had no trouble speaking her mind, blunt directness was her forte. She only hesitated where her emotions were concerned. Which meant this could be something very promising.

“Stop looking at me like that.” Alice shoved her palm in Diana’s face, pushing her away while the other just huffed in surprise. “I gotta prepare myself mentally for this, okay? It’s gonna take a lot outta me.”

“You should’ve gone into theater instead of _Sprachen_ ,” Diana commented and crossed her arms, tilting her head at Alice.

The girl glared at her from the corner of her eye and inhaled deeply. “Okay, first you gotta look away, ‘cause there’s no way in Hell I’m gonna say this with you looking at me with those eyes.”

“They’re the only ones I have,” Diana responded, halfway into mock offense. She complied by turning her back to Alice, her eyes on the toe of her sneaker as it ran along the lines between the floor tiles.

“I-,” Alice started and groaned in annoyance at herself. “Even though I _really_ don’t wanna say this, I think it’s something you need to hear. I am not gonna repeat myself!”

“Got it.”

“I…love you…” she dragged the words out as if they were foreign to her tongue and she was speaking them for the first time.

To Diana, it might as well have been so. Her chest clenched with a good kind of pain and her eyes immediately watered. She made to turn around but was stopped by Alice’s harsh warning.

“DON’T! Don’t turn around, don’t say anything, just let me finish and then we’ll go our separate ways and pretend this never happened.”

_Impossible_ , Diana thought, too moved for words, her heart fluttering happily in her chest. It felt strange to feel so content in the midst of all the sadness. Like she was committing a crime.

From another perspective, her joy at such an obvious sentiment would seem bizarre, they were sisters, after all. With the relationship they had, it was clear that they loved each other to some extent.

Except coming from Alice, those three words were nothing short of a miracle.

“I… yeah that, and I… need you. I hate to admit it and reeeally hate showing it,” her voice dropped to an embarrassed whisper, “but I- I don’t know what my life would be without you.”

“Alice-”

“Let me finish, okay? You’re a fucking _llorona_ and I hate dealing with that but I think you need to hear this now. ‘Cause despite all your annoying flaws, Felix and I need you.” An almost gentle whisper added, “You’re all we have.” A beat of silence passed, in which Diana sniffled. Then she continued, encouraged by her sister’s silence.

“I really don’t know what I would do if you weren’t in my life, so please,” her voice cracked and she cleared it, “don’t you dare- don’t you dare die, because if you die, God knows what I will do to you in the afterlife! I’m serious. So yeah, just, okay?”

Her voice grew louder, accusatory, “I’m gonna leave, now. You’re not gonna hug me, you’re just gonna let me leave. And you’re not gonna say anything about this to anyone, I don’t want people thinking I’m a crybaby like you, with heartfelt emotions and shit like that, okay? Nod if you get it.”

Diana nodded, biting down on her trembling lip.

“Good, so bye.” Alice slapped Diana’s back hard, right between her shoulder blades, and then the sound of her shoes slapping against the floor grew fainter, a door slammed shut in the distance.

She covered her face with her hands, her lips stretching into an overjoyed grin, her heart light and heavy at the same time.

That was the most she’d gotten out of her sister since about five years. She knew the feeling was there, and while Diana herself had no qualms with verbalizing it, Alice constantly denied it, even going as far as to object to it every time (although she would admit it was a joke as to not hurt her sister’s feelings for real).

It didn’t feel correct of her, to offer her sister comfort and her empathetic ear only to have herself be comforted instead, Alice assuming her role. But she had been right, she’d really needed to hear that.

oOo

Diana’s deeply wedged paranoia and some sort of newly gained survivalist instinct led her to vaguely wander through the corridors and poke through any doors accessible to them on their floor. Just checking, she told herself, just checking that Dr. Jenner wasn’t some kind of twisted man led to insanity by his isolation who was experimenting on people who came to the CDC looking for sanctuary.

It was a plausible fear.

Glenn had joined her when she peeked into a common room of sorts, in which he was the only one present, looking half bored to death with a celebrity gossip magazine spread over his face.

He’d asked her the standard question of whether she was doing okay and she gave the standard answer of ‘no, but thanks for asking’. It felt somewhat pretentious of her to be so dismissive about it, especially with Glenn, but she didn’t want to be confronted with her grief in every conversation she had. To her luck, he didn’t take it personally. He looked at her knowingly, no bit of pity in him, and squeezed her hand.

“You really think he could be experimenting on survivors?” Glenn asked after hearing her rant about her ludicrous suspicions.

“I don’t really think he is… I just wanna make sure he’s not, you know? Better safe than sorry.” Diana shrugged and tried to open a door with a card reader and a code input. It didn’t budge. She pointed at the door with wide emphatic eyes.

Glenn shrugged nonchalantly back. “It’s just a locked door. Those happen in places like these.”

“Yeah, but-” She tried it once again. “I wanna know what’s inside,” she almost whined and pounded on the door once.

“It’s probably one of those sterilized rooms where they do science-y stuff, with beakers and little gas stoves.”

“I need your help with something,” Diana told him after a beat of silence, leaning her back against the door.

Glenn raised his brow. “I’m not gonna knock the door down if that’s what you’re onto. It’s government property, Jenner would kill me. And sadly I don’t think I’d have the muscle strength to do it.”

“No, no, forget the door, it’s in the past now.” She waved her hand in dismissal and beckoned her friend closer. He obeyed, leaning in with a hint of conspiracy. “I’m gonna rob this place,” Diana whispered.

“You what?!” Glenn all but shouted in her face, looking up and down the corridor, luckily finding it empty. “Are you crazy? Dee, I know things haven’t been looking up for you, but that’s insane!”

Diana shushed him and calmed his fidgeting with her steady hands. This wasn’t something she had predesigned, it literally had just come to her. A light bulb moment.

“Listen, my medkit is looking low on supplies, I need shit that only they have here. Not only meds but _Verband_ material, for wounds and stuff.”

Glenn bit his lip and frowned. “But why? We’re here, we’re alright. I’m sure their supplies would be available to you, should you ask. Do you not feel safe here?” He took her hand and Diana slipped out of it. A first that didn’t go unnoticed by him. “Should I be worried?”

She shook her head and cast her eyes down to her fidgeting hands. “No… No, it’s… you know me, Glenn. That freaking clock counting down, it kinda freaks me out.” She glanced up at him. “I am optimistic about this place, for real. But I ask myself, how much of it is just wishful thinking? And then that clock…”

Glenn said nothing, his dark eyes off in the distance, teeth worrying his bottom lip. He was thinking about it, good. Diana could always count on him to take her seriously and not brush off her concerns. “It is kinda strange…” he admitted, his deep gaze resting on hers.

Diana nodded emphatically with shrugged shoulders and palms facing up, body language screaming, ‘Amirite?!’

“I still think you shouldn’t burglarize the place,” he added deadpan, “Ask Jenner what the countdown is about, or not, and if he can give you access to their medical supplies and relevant rooms.”

“No.”

“Wh- Y- what? What do you mean ‘no’?”

“I’m not gonna do that.” Diana shook her head. “If he truly is hiding something - which I can’t rule out yet - he will know I am onto him if I start asking questions, which will put me under his radar, which will put the kids under his radar, and I don’t want that.”

“I think your definition of optimism might be a lil bit out of date, good woman,” Glenn finished with a single chuckle, more to try to lighten the situation rather than actual humor.

Diana leaned in, trying her best not to sound irrational or preposterous, “Glenn, I am trusting this man with my kids’ lives, with your life. We all are. I need to know there’s not a single fucking thing in this building that will put that at risk. If there is…” she couldn’t finish the threat, feeling her blood beginning to boil at the idea.

Glenn’s hands were on her upper arms, his eyes and small smile were full of understanding. “I get it. I do, Dee. I feel the same about you and our group, especially you,” he added, with the corner of his lip rising and a casual lift of his shoulder. “But why the looting? How does that play in the investigation?”

“I think it’s because of my newly-born survivalist trait mixed with some sort of weird kleptomaniac desire to attain goods.”

“That sounds alright to me.”

oOo

Diana entered her room after having dropped off Glenn at his. Their mission had been a half-success.

It turned out that their floor was mainly living quarters and common rooms, so they’d left towards the level of the computer room and spread out from there. There had been many locked doors and frustration and sneaking around and having to lie to the occasional survivor that roamed the facilities in search of something unknown to them.

They had come upon an unlocked room - unlocked as in the card reader had been malfunctioning somehow and had just accepted them inside without any codes or credentials. That had been pretty neat. Inside, there had been a hospital room looking space, with an accordingly empty bed and black monitoring screens with cables and cuffs connecting to it. Cabinets and drawers occupied the entire length of the wall on the left.

That’s where they’d found the materials Diana had been looking for. Sterile and non-sterile medical tools, all types of bandages and burn care and wound management stuff she could find, ointments and creams, and so much more. Anything any well-prepared medic would want to have in their first aid kit.

She’d even found a replacement stethoscope, the newer one much fancier and sturdier.

Opposite that wall, there had been a locked steel door, and Glenn had suspected that that’s where they kept some of their medicine reserves. Unlucky for them, it had been impossible to unlock it and unthinkable to knock it down.

So yeah, half successful.

Diana startled at seeing her brother and sister in her room, lounging on her cot and on the floor, looking up at her silent entrance.

Alice narrowed her eyes at her and Diana narrowed them back. “Whatchu got there?”

“Supplies,” was the older sister’s simple answer.

“Alright-y then,” Alice replied, uninterested, and returned to the guitar in her hold – where had she gotten it from? – playing some notes and then tuning the strings.

“Supplies for what?” Felix asked, eyeing his sister like she was a lunatic for just accepting the fact.

Diana dropped the paper sack next to her kit and knelt before them. She shrugged and began arranging the material inside, adding her pillage to her own things. It felt wrong to think of it that way, but it was, in a way, true. “You know, just in case.”

Felix caught her gaze and frowned. “Just in case of what?”

Diana shrugged nonchalantly. “In case...”

“-that this doesn’t work out? I’ve thought the same. Smart,” Alice interrupted, pointing a finger at her sister before they turned to the guitar strings again.

“You think that could happen?” Felix asked, closing the anatomy book he was flipping through. His concern was evident in his frown. “I- wha- why? We’re good here, right? I don’t wanna leave, I don’t wanna have to go out there again. It’s not fair, we’re safe now.”

Diana couldn’t stand to look at him, to see the fear she heard in his voice. It hurt her to think of it. He was right, though. It really wasn’t fair. She hoped Dr. Jenner wasn’t a torturing and murdering psychopath and that the clock was counting down to something benevolent. “I know. I’m probably just being silly.”

oOo

The next hour found the three of them still in Diana’s room. Most of it spent in mournful silence, each to their own activity. Until Felix complained that his hair kept falling in his eyes and Diana offered to cut it for him. He commented on how mom would’ve been glad to finally see it happen.

So his locs were cropped and his curls trimmed close to his scalp.

Conversation flourished between them from then on. They spoke of nonsensical things, things that kept the mood light and unburdened.

Alice sang a little, played a little guitar – she was still learning to do so – she dedicated some songs to mom and dad, finally addressing the elephant in the room. Nothing else came from them regarding that subject. Felix wept silently, tired tears down his cheeks, and Diana held and kissed his hand.

Alice’s words came to mind. Diana leaned into her brother’s shoulder and told him she loved him, which choked a sob out of him and made him turn to embrace her. Into his ear she said it again and that she was never going to leave them.

“Who’s the girl, Diana?” Alice asked after some time after they’d separated, breaking the reverent silence, her short fingers struggling to form a chord.

Diana frowned in confusion, her head perched on Felix’s shoulder, his on top of hers. She straightened herself, forcing him to do the same, and asked, “Huh? What girl?”

“From your book-thingy, the one you write in. There was a lot about her on there, like a _lot_. Like obsessive, really.” She huffed and put the guitar down. She crossed her legs on the cot and rested her chin on her palm, inquisitive eyes on her sister.

Diana was caught off guard by the sudden change of subject, although she didn’t put it past Alice. Then her mind caught up on who she was talking about and she remembered all the other embarrassing things she’d written in that book.

With a reprehensive pointer finger outstretched, she scolded her sister’s behavior, “For real? That’s private stuff, Alice! How dare you? How’d you feel if I went looking in your sketchbook without your permission?” Alice’s nostrils flared at that, and Diana added, “Yeah, see, keep your fingers away from my stuff and I’ll keep mine. We got a deal?”

Alice played with the end of a braid and turned her nose in distrust. But in the end, conceded with a nod. “Deal. But you’re still gonna tell us about her.”

Felix elbowed his sister and raised an eyebrow. “I’m lost.” He looked at Alice and then Diana. “What girl? What’s this about?”

“You know how this binch is always on that rainbow book? Writing and shit? I thought that was weird, so I snooped around and found out she’s been writing in it like a diary. Not a smart move, really.” Alice raised a low-key smug corner of her lip.

“So she wrote about a girl? How’s that something special? We both know she can be gay as fuck,” Felix commented.

“She’s… She’s someone I dream about sometimes.”

Felix nodded slowly. “Okay, so she ain’t real?”

Alice jumped in, “That’s the thing. She doesn’t know.”

“If it’s a dream, it’s not real. It can look and feel like it is, but it’s all a figment of your imagination. C’mon, you know that,” Felix said like he was schooling a small child who didn’t know what a dream was. Diana felt ridiculed.

“Okay, but listen. Consider this: I remember everything exactly as it was when I wake up.”

Felix shrugged. “And? That’s just because it’s really realistic.”

“Felix, you’re not listening. Every night I dream of the same person, never the same thing. Always from her point of view, and when I wake up I remember everything she saw and heard and smelled as if her eyes and ears and nose were my own. Like they’re my own memories. It’s a little creepy.”

“She wrote about it in such detail, you should’ve read it,” Alice commented, leaning forward.

“But don’t.”

“You’re actually decent, congrats.”

“Okay, but that still doesn’t invite you to read my private diary.”

Felix interrupted with raised hands to stop visual contact between his sisters and said, “Okay, yeah I get that it’s weird, but what’s the big deal?”

“Wait for it…” Alice whispered, hyping it up like it was the finale to a good movie.

“She knows my name, Felix,” Diana said, cracking her knuckles with nervous energy. “She told me she was real, over and over, as if she knew I would overhear it.”

“If she’s a product of your mi-”

“You really don’t get it, Felix. I think she’s real,” Diana admitted, the cat finally out of the bag, “I think she’s real and out there and I’m seeing through her eyes. And if she knows my name, I think she might be dreaming of me, too!”

“That’s…”

“Tight as fuck.” “Fucking awesome.” Both younger siblings said at the same time.

Felix added, “I mean, it’s really strange, yeah totally, but also, c’mon, so fucking cool.”

Diana glanced down at her fidgeting hands in her lap. “So you guys don’t think I might be going insane or something?”

“Well, under different circumstances, fuck yeah,” Alice said with raised brows, “but have you seen the kinda shit we’ve been tripping into? You, especially? I think it’s probably just part of the package deal and you still gotta figure it out.”

“Then the thing with the nap’s probably part of it, right?” Diana asked rhetorically.

“Wait, what thing with the nap? I didn’t read anything about that.” Alice got a pointed look at that but insisted. “What is it?”

Diana retold them what had happened that one afternoon after the picnic with Daryl. How she’d fallen asleep and woken up to a myriad of forest critters who had been as if summoned to her side, who had ended up falling prey to Daryl’s crossbow in the end, but nevertheless.

Alice was the first to comment by saying, “That sounds too much like Disney princess BS to me.”

“Yeah, can you get little bluebirds to sit on your finger and sing for you? Can you command mice to clean and sew you a dress?”

Diana crossed her arms and shrugged loosely. “Oh okay, so the dreams are okay to you but this isn’t?”

Felix shook his head slowly, lips pursed. “There’s gotta be a limit somewhere, bro.”

oOo

Their bubble was popped when Glenn appeared at her door – not very surprised to see her siblings in there with her – announcing that Dr. Jenner had called everybody to the computer room, having something to show them.

They abandoned what they were doing and left with him. There were some others also joining the rest of the group as they arrived.

Jenner looked at them, likely noticing the complete numbers, and commanded Vi to power up the main screen.

A loading screen showed up shortly up front and then several images of anatomical planes of a brain appeared, mainly in shades of blue, bathing the room in a cold atmosphere.

Dr. Jenner told them that few people ever got the see what they were seeing, and that got Diana to burn with pure curiosity.

Carl, who was standing with Lori beside Alice, asked Jenner if what they were seeing was a brain, and he affirmed that it was an extraordinary one, not that it had mattered in the end.

He gave Vi another command and the image on the screen changed, zooming in on the brain until the nerve cells were visible and they could observe the synapses flashing back and forward along the cells, carrying information.

Diana had never seen anything quite like that; they had incredible instruments at their disposal.

Shane asked what the lights were and Diana almost had to bite her tongue to keep from answering.

Jenner explained to them the purpose of the synapses and then announced that what they were witnessing was a vigil, or rather, the playback of one, of Test Subject 19, someone who had been bitten and infected, and who had volunteered to have the scientists record the process.

What a morbid thing, Diana thought, but she would’ve done the same. If her death could’ve in any way or form contribute to the furthering of science, toward finding an answer, then she wouldn’t have minded.

Dr. Jenner looked upon the screen with great melancholy, and Diana wondered if he’d known the subject personally, if it had been one of his friends or colleagues whom he had to watch die an awful death. Then he said, “Vi, scan forward to the first event,” which the computerized female voice repeated, and the screen changed once more.

The MRI video showed them the same brain as before, but now the infection had started affecting it, darkening the regions around the brain stem and spreading outwards. The activity of the synapses was still there, but lessened and completely different from before.

“What is that?” Glenn asked in wonder.

Jenner pointed at it and explained, “It invades the brain like meningitis. The adrenal glands hemorrhage, the brain goes into shutdown, then the major organs.”

As he spoke, the person in the MRI video starting convulsing as their last moments approached, the darkness of the infection reaching out further and further until the entire brain was dark, the person’s life erased like it had never been there; dead. No more lights flickering, no more memories, no more emotions, just plain lifeless.

Diana thought she should be feeling sad, but she couldn’t muster it up; she knew what it all meant, but to her, it was just a silhouette on a screen.

Dr. Jenner paused, looking down. “Then death. Everything you ever were or ever will be… gone.”

When Sophia mentioned Jim, Diana was reminded of how glad she had been that Sam and Irene hadn’t had to suffer through his fate, and now that sentiment came back doubled. It served as some comfort to know that they had not been erased from this existence in this pitiful manner. They had died human.

There was a moment of silence in the room and Diana thought of them, wondering if they were looking over them like in that drawing from Alice that she’d found. Believing in an afterlife was a terrific coping strategy.

She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, looking to her right at her kids. Felix met her gaze with a sad, wet smile that was more of a grimace. His hand found hers.

Alice was staring straight ahead, arms crossed. Carl looked up at her, and almost as if sensing his eyes on her, she glanced down. The boy reached out and tugged on her arm until they uncrossed and slipped a small hand in hers. Alice simply accepted it.

“They lost people two days ago,” Lori said from Carl’s other side, watching her son comfort Alice like only a child could.

Jenner glanced at them and then Andrea, and said, “I lost somebody, too. I know how devastating it is.”

Diana pursed her lips in acknowledgment when he looked at her, and then he turned around and ordered Vi to scan to the second event. He explained to them how the resurrection times could vary wildly, with reports of it happening in as little as three minutes and the longest reported being eight hours.

“In the case of this patient, it was two hours, one minute… seven seconds,”

On the screen, something started sparking back to life in the darkened brain, completely unlike before when the entire brain was brimming with synapses. Now, only the brain stem was active.

Lori asked if the disease restarted the brain and Jenner replied, “Only enough to get them up and moving.”

That raised some questions in Diana, regarding the physiology of this new brain.

“I’ve got a question,” Diana announced, raising her hand like she was back in school. “I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but the _substantia nigra_ is located there, right? The brain stem?”

“Yes, in the midbrain, that’s correct.” Jenner nodded, interested.

Diana stepped forward. “And- and that area produces uh- dopamine. And dopamine, in the brain, works in favor of motor control as well as uh-” Diana racked her brain, she knew this stuff… “As well as happiness, or better yet, reward-motivated behavior, which might also play a role postmortem somehow.”

“Among other things, yes.”

“So if the brain stem is active, that means it still could be being produced, right?”

“In theory.”

“To Parkinson patients, we give Levodopa-based medication or agonists because their _substantia nigra_ is defective and doesn’t produce or-or barely produces any dopamine. My question is, is there something that works reverse? Like instead of an agonist, an antagonist? Would that work? I mean, I’m just going by what I’ve learned till now, so I don’t know if that’d be possible, you know? But you, you can tell.”

“That would have me prescribing antipsychotics to turned test subjects,” Jenner concluded from that.

“Oh,” Diana murmured, and retraced her steps, feeling idiotic for spewing out apparent nonsense so confidently. Her cheeks felt warm and her stomach clenched with embarrassment and anxiety.

“No, it’s all very- it was all very well said, I can tell you understand what this entails,” Jenner defended, gesturing towards her encouragingly. “It was a very sound train of thought, I admire that. But it’s a little more complicated than that. There are variables involved that don’t revolve only around the dopamine production, although that is an identifiable factor. So please, no need to feel ashamed of that assumption, it was really very well said.”

“Oh uh, okay, thanks…” She felt at a loss for words at the compliment, glowing slightly inside, and was glad she had spoken up after all, or else the doubt would’ve burned in her mind forever.

“So this dopamine,” Lori started, “that’s not the only thing keeping them moving?”

“As I said, there are other factors involved, some of which- or many of which, still remain unknown.”

“So they’re moving, but not alive at all?” Rick asked, noting that the brain looked nothing like before, that most of it was dark.

Jenner turned to Rick and affirmed, “Dark, lifeless, dead. The frontal lobe, the neocortex, the human part… That doesn’t come back. The ‘you’ part.” He looked up at the screen, at the turned test subject moving about in the video. “It’s just a shell, driven by mindless instinct. Reward-motivated behavior postmortem, as your medic said.”

Then, the muzzle of a gun appeared at the edge of the screen, and the test subject was shot in the head, creating a straight path through its brain stem, permanently erasing it from existence, bringing it the peace it deserved for its services.

Jenner asked Vi to power down the main screen and the workstations and moved towards the back of the room, everyone’s eyes following him, dejected and demoralized. The wave of demands and accusations on their part crashed into him, and he, almost too calmly, informed them that he had no idea what the disease was. He had no idea whether other people were working on it because he’d been in the dark for almost a month – communication cut off from the rest of the world.

That confirmed at least something… It was indeed global.

Then another realization: so their journey had been for nothing?

Well not entirely nothing; they’d found shelter, which was a valuable and coveted thing. But the main reason for their being there had been to find answers.

Diana had already come to terms with the notion that it was irreversible, but she’d let herself hope otherwise, just in case. Only to have that small hope shattered.

Maybe it would’ve been better to have remained ignorant, to just go about each day thinking that things would be better someday.

Diana felt herself craving the bliss of ignorance despite her personal motto: knowledge is power.

Maybe she ought to drown her sorrows in whiskey once more, just to forget how shitty the world was for one day.

Almost as if reading her thoughts, Daryl threw his hands up and announced, “Man, I’m gonna get shit-faced drunk again.” The coincidental glance her way as he leaned against one of the computer desks made her belly roil and her burned face like a furnace.

Yeah, maybe she should learn not to drown her sorrows in liquor.

“Dr. Jenner, I know this has been taxing for you and I hate to ask one more question, but... that clock... It's counting down,” Dale pointed out, walking towards it, the red numbers marking an hour exactly. “What happens at zero?”

Thank you, Dale!

“The…basement generators, they run out of fuel,” Jenner said, weaving almost aimlessly through the room.

Rick tilted his head. “And then?”

But Jenner just kept his mouth shut and left, leaving them in suspenseful silence.

“What do we do, now?” Diana asked to no one in particular, knowing exactly what _she_ was going to do, and it was Rick who answered.

“We’ll go check that basement. Everyone, just go back to what you were doing, we’ll figure something out,” he said, trying to sound reassuring. The uncertainty in his voice was almost palpable.

oOo

Everyone left after that, in different states of incredulity and distress.

Diana told the kids to get their stuff together and put it in her room and to wait there for her. She went in only shortly to get the emptied paper sack from before and her bow. It purred in her hand like a pet, reinvigorating her.

She ran to the room where she’d gotten her supplies and stalked to the locked door inside. She dropped the sack and took up the bow, aiming at where the inner mechanisms of the lock would be. The arrow pierced through the steel, surprisingly. Another two and a full-bodied push, and the door swung open. Diana caught herself on the frame.

She flipped the light switch.

Bingo.

The small square storage room had all three walls lined with locked glass cabinets and roll-up shutters. She didn’t dare break the glass in case something inside the cabinet would be damaged with the impact, but she did use the same trick on all locks as before.

Since drugs in Switzerland were branded differently, it took Diana longer to collect essentials, having to read every label unless she recognized the ending and therefore knew what it was for.

She filled the sack until it was almost too heavy to lift without the bottom ripping. She was quite sure she had everything she needed, but she still regretted not having enough space in her medkit to take everything with her. Such a waste.

Diana shouldered her bow and hurried back to her room, glad to see that her siblings had done what she’d asked of them.

“Where the hell were you?” Alice asked first thing, stalking in her direction, taking in the bow and the heavy sack. She took it from her sister and opened it. Her mouth formed an ‘o’ and she nodded at her.

Diana nodded in turn and accepted the drugs back. Felix peeked inside as she walked past him and he, too, seemed pleased with what he saw. She opened her medkit and carefully stored any fragile bottles inside. The packs less likely to break were stored inside the backpack where she kept her medkit for better portability. The backpack looked engorged like the belly of a nine-month pregnant woman.

She should’ve invested in a larger one.

Not long after, the lights went out, leaving them standing in near darkness.

Diana opened the door and walked out of the room, kids on her trail. They saw everyone else do the same, just as Jenner marched down the corridor, swooping in and grabbing a bottle of liquor from Daryl’s hand.

Alice pushed on her shoulder and they had no other choice but to follow the procession.

Jenner was saying that the energy use was being prioritized, and at Dale’s question of whether air and lights were not a priority, he shrugged and declared that it wasn’t up to him.

The warm lighting above them turned off, leaving only the faint emergency lights on, emerging them in partial darkness.

“Zone Five is shutting itself down,” Jenner said, reaching the end of the corridor.

Daryl followed directly after him. “Hey! Hey, what the hell does that mean?” He sauntered past Dale. “Hey, man, I’m talkin’ to you. What d’you mean, it’s shutting itself down? How can a building do anything?”

Diana’s rapid heartbeat, induced by oncoming panic, sped up when she saw Rick, Glenn and the others on the level underneath them, and if they were there, it meant they had been unable to find anything in the basement to help their cause.

She had a bad feeling, her gut twisted in knots, the bow buzzed numbingly against her flesh, matching her nervous energy. “I don’t feel good about this.”

“Neither do I,” said Alice, “I get the feeling we’re gonna be very glad you went on a looting spree.”

Confusion reigned until Vi announced the thirty-minute mark, making their attention drift to the countdown clock with the matching time window. Dr. Jenner turned to his computer, typed something in and an enormous metal partition blocked the exit, locking them inside.

Chaos followed as accusations were made and the beginning of violence threatened to break out. Daryl made a go at Jenner as Shane and T-Dog held him back.

Diana’s first instinct was to get her siblings away from it all. She ushered them to the side, Felix grabbing shakily onto her arm. His breath was on the verge of hyperventilation; his eyes were wide on hers. “It’s alright,” she comforted, hand on his cheek, “ _Te tengo_. I won’t let anything happen to the two of you. _Juro-te_.”

He had always been terrified of death. Knowingly facing his own mortality must be petrifying to him.

Diana startled and felt Felix flinch as well when Jenner jumped from his seat. His voice was booming as he yelling at Rick, reminding them of the place they were in, of the kinds of diseases from which they protected the public, all of which could devastate the country if they ever got out.

His words evoked a strained silence from everyone present, and then he sat down, calmer, and explained, “In the event of a catastrophic power failure and a terrorist attack, for example, HITs are deployed to prevent any organisms from getting out.”

Rick paced in front of his chair. “HITs?”

Jenner asked Vi to define it for them, and the female computerized voice explained in more words that the air would be set on fire, killing everyone and everything inside the building.

Diana’s breath hitched in her throat, her heart clenched in her chest. Her hand squeezed Felix’s grip and her other reached for Alice, who, for once, didn’t pull away.

“No pain,” concluded Jenner somberly, “An end to sorrow. Grief. Regret. Everything.”

No, no, no, no. This could not be it. He could not be doing this to them!

The panic and desperation were replaced with indignant fury.

“Usually I’d say that sounds nice,” Alice remarked, “but I’ve got a vendetta, so that would be like, counter-productive or some shit.”

Diana marched towards Jenner, the bow thrumming with shared contempt.

Towering above his seated form, she resisted the primal urge to punch him, and instead thrust her pointer finger accusatorily in his face, her anger making her grow bolder. “You- you have no right to keep us in here!”

“No, but it’s what’s best for everyone.”

“And you’re the judge of that? How can you tell us what’s best when you don’t know us!”

“You’d rather go back outside, thrown to the wolves, than let it all end here, with dignity?”

“What dignity is there in a death chosen for us?” She threw her arms out.

Jenner looked around them, and then his eyes were back to her darker ones. “They said you lost people.”

Diana pursed her lips, staring down at him. “We did.”

“Do you really want to go to go back to that? To go through what they did?” Diana’s blood ran hot and cold at his words. “What about your brother and sister? Isn’t it cruel to-”

“What you’re doing right now _is_ cruel, who are you to decide who lives or dies? Who are you to dictate our fate?!”

How dare he assume such things in their stead?! Did he think himself to be a god, hanging their lives over their heads as he saw fit? And using the circumstances of her parents’ death to attempt to lure her to his side? That was twisted.

Her hands clenched into fists, the sounds of Carl and Sophia crying resounded in her ears, contrasting with the hisses of metal on metal and the strained grunts of the people trying to break down the door.

Those kids deserved the chance to live to fight another day. As did her brother and sister, and everyone else in that room. Jenner thought he was doing them a favor, but he was simply playing Devil.

Diana’s teeth ground against each other as she tried to contain her anger. How dare he? How dare he?! If he wanted to die, he had no need to drag the lives of others into his suicidal spiel. It was completely heinous!

She stared down at him as he attempted to convince Andrea that he was right, using her sister Amy as leverage. He tried the same strategy on Rick, asking him if a short, brutal life and an agonizing death was what he wanted for his wife and son.

Diana needed an outlet for the squirming under her skin. The palms of her hands were already hurting from her fingernails embedding into their flesh.

She took her bow by a limb and, with a yell, smashed it onto the computer next to Jenner, making the man jump as sparks flew from the device and it spat out its broken glass teeth.

“You don’t get to decide for us!” she repeated emphatically, letting her weapon hang at her side.

Shane approached them, panting, saying they couldn’t make a dent in the door.

“Those doors are designed to withstand a rocket launcher,” Jenner said, almost proud of that fact while rolling away from Diana in his chair.

“Yeah, well, they won’t withstand me,” Diana hissed out, and stalked away, ignoring Rick’s further attempts to change Jenner’s mind.

“What is she doing?” Jenner asked.

“You gonna do something stupid?” Alice asked her as Diana trailed past her and Felix.

“Wouldn’t it be kinder?” Jenner said to Carol’s protest, “More compassionate to just hold your loved ones and wait for the clock to run down?”

“ _Vai-te foder!_ ” Diana yelled from over by the locked entrance, and it echoed. She drew an arrow and shot at the panel. It dissipated as soon as it hit, leaving no scratch on the surface. “And fuck your twisted sense of righteousness!” She shot another one and another and stopped, startled, when gunshots resonated behind her.

She turned around to see Shane shoot up the computers while Rick tried to contain him. She called Felix and Alice to her side, afraid they’d get caught in the crossfire, and they complied, standing on the ramp with her.

Shane was subdued by Rick, and so Diana turned back to her task.

She shot and shot and shot, and then Daryl joined her, swinging his ax at one side of the partition while she kept busy with the other.

Her fingertips felt raw and the muscles on her arms, shoulders, and back were burning, but she wasn’t going to stop. She would keep trying until the air lit on fire and they were blown to smithereens.

Felix and Alice were young, they had so much ahead of them, shitty world or not. And even if it turned out like Jenner said, even if their lives did turn out to be short and painful, at least they’d had the opportunity to live it.

She didn’t tire, because she couldn’t.

She noticed the light bending on the metal, and upon closer inspection, small indentations that her arrows had left behind. A flicker of hope, and then, by Jenner’s command, the panel rolled down, releasing them.

Daryl and she shared a look of relief, their hands grasping the other’s forearm. Then he looked behind them and yelled at the others to hurry out of there.

“Kids, with me, _vamos_!” Diana ordered, and both were by her side in a blink.

Glenn crashed into them, prompting her forward, making her lose her grip on Daryl, and he yelled at the others, “Let’s go! Hey, we’ve got four minutes left! Come on!”

Diana didn’t think twice and didn’t look back. She crashed into her room, and she and the kids gathered their things.

With a backpack on her back, the medkit backpack at her front like the aforementioned pregnant belly, and her messenger bag swinging against her hip, Diana’s body protested against the strain. She ignored it and hurried Felix with a hand on his upper arm. A look over her shoulder confirmed Alice’s presence behind her, grabbing onto Diana’s backpack, not wanting to get left behind with her shorter legs.

They ran up the dimly lit staircase, following after Daryl and T-Dog, spilling out onto the massive lobby.

Diana thought her lungs were going to collapse, her vision started to darken and she began to hear everything in the distance. Her shaking hand reached into her messenger bag for one of the inhalers she’d looted. She was unsuccessful. Two steady hands tore hers away and emerged with the inhaler. Diana grabbed it and took two puffs with deep breaths.

She stayed leaning against the handrail with her concerned siblings at her side, coaching her breathing, shaky hand in a viselike grip on Felix’s shirt as he rubbed her upper arm in a calming manner. She released him when she noticed it and thanked both him and Alice, who had found the inhaler.

Her ears rang and tuned in to the pandemonium of yells and commands. Daryl and Shane were trying to break through the glass with their axes. T-Dog going at it with a chair.

The glass doors and windows showcased the outside world; their freedom, their hope. Funny how a perspective can change depending on the circumstances.

Alice whispered, “Wanna do something stupid?”

Diana looked down at her, understanding, and jogged forward.

She yelled at T-Dog to get out of the way and took aim at the window.

What good was she, what good was this bow, if they did nothing to help in the most critical moments? She was not going to remain passive in this narrative.

The arrow hit and a small spiderweb crack formed on the glass.

Two more, and the crack grew outward, spreading toward the metal frame. A fourth arrow at the exact epicenter brought down the window in shards and chunks. No one wasted any time in evacuating the building.

Diana made sure her siblings were with her before she ran outside, out through the broken window and into the summer heat and the rotten stink of the walkers decorating the front lawn like a hyper-realistic Halloween nightmare.

They cleared a path through the walkers and to their vehicles.

Glenn ushered the kids and Diana into the RV before following them in.

Diana threw her bags off her and pressed Rick to start the RV, but then Lori pointed out Dale and Andrea emerging from the building. They waited with bated breath.

When they were close enough to be out of the blast radius, Rick honked the horn and Lori yelled out the window for them to get down.

Rick yelled at them to get back and get down and then threw himself on top of his family. Glenn grabbed onto Diana and shielded her and in turn, she held onto her siblings.

Then there was a resounding roar as the CDC erupted in a fiery explosion, sending a blast of heat and wind, causing the RV to rock with the force.

A few seconds passed and then, “Get off of me, you _Fettsack_ ,” Alice grunted, and pushed Diana off her with an angry shove, forcing everyone up with her.

“You okay?” Diana asked her and Felix, and while the latter nodded, still stunned, the former ignored her to stare out at the destruction, the high orange flames reflected in her hazel eyes.

Glenn hurried Dale and Andrea inside, and once they were safe and secure, with everyone accounted for, Rick started the RV, turned them around and drove away.

Exhausted, Diana grabbed her discarded bags and moved to the back of the RV, sitting on the bed a dying Jim had lied upon not long ago and watched the column of black smoke rise from the flames out the back window.

Glenn and Felix sat down beside her, the latter dropping his head on her lap, while Alice sat next to Glenn, who offered her his shoulder to rest her head on.

Diana’s hand roamed to Felix’s short curls, soothingly scraping her fingernails against his scalp until his breathing became deep and even and he was fast asleep. Good, he needed it. Alice’s fingers were interlaced with Glenn’s, her heavy lashes blinking at the empty space ahead.

Diana shared a fond but sad smile with Glenn, which he returned, and clasped his free hand in hers.

They’d cut it very close.

She’d been in situations of danger before, both willingly and not, but she had never been as scared and livid as in that room.

She knew why; if she’d been alone in there with Jenner, she would probably have cried her eyes out and tried to beg her way out, only to accept her fate after. But there had been other people in the equation, people she cared about, people she would die and very probably kill for, people that she wanted to see alive and well for as long as possible.

And now, no matter what kind of disproportionately huge amounts of life-span-shortening bullshit the world and its corruption threw at them, they’d be allowed to try their hand at life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'd appreciate if you could drop a comment and tell me your thoughts :) ******


	38. i'm so sick of this fake love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience omg, I hit a major writer’s block with this chapter which made me spiral deep into procrastination. but it’s here now!  
> I wanna thank all the lovely people that take time to leave a comment, a special shout-out to minstorai, lysm. It seriously makes my day to read them.  
> Also how amazing is Love Yourself: Tear?? every single track? amazing! omg i die every time... shout out to all BTS stans reading this!

oOo

“You know, I don’t think it’d be a bad idea to head up north,” Diana propositioned, helping Daryl unload Merle’s motorbike from the pick-up truck.

The verdict had come out that Fort Benning would be their next destination; their fight against the lack of resources would be fought on the road, collecting and scavenging as they went. It was the best they could come up with, apparently, and Diana didn’t know enough about American geography or its wildlife to suggest otherwise. She just knew that cold weather probably meant zombie inactivity.

She wiped the sweat from her brow on her forearm, feeling grimy and unclean. She squinted against the sun’s glare on the bike’s metal and admired how good Daryl looked sitting on it, streaked with dirt and glistening with sweat. Everything about him exuded a bad boy vibe, which had never really been Diana’s thing, unless they had a secret heart of gold.

“Why north?” he asked, breaking off her staring, balancing himself before starting the engine. He squinted equally up at her against the sunlight and she moved to cover his face with her shadow. He swiped his stubbled cheek with the back of his hand and left behind a spot of soil. There was almost no visible inch of his skin that wasn’t coated in either motor oil or dirt or whatever else. Boi really needed a shower.

Diana ran a hand over the high handle, the leather warmed by the sun, and shrugged. “I mean, think about it, the walkers’ circulation’s probably inexistent, so there’s no warm blood pumping through them keeping them warm. They’d freeze like a popsicle. A really disgusting one.”

Daryl tilted his head to the side in agreement, ignoring her last statement, then added, “The trip alone would suck us dry, we ain’t got enough fuel or food for that kinda travel.”

Diana conceded with a reluctant nod. “Yeah… you’re right. Worth the thought, though.” She cracked her knuckles against her hip. “How long till Fort Benning, you think?”

“If we don’t run into trouble? 2 to 3 hours, max.”

“I hope we don’t run into trouble, my cramps are killing my back,” Diana sighed, digging her fingers into the sore muscles of the small of her back.

Daryl grabbed her by the hips, casually almost causing heart failure and making her temperature rise a thousand degrees while cold sweat broke out at her hairline. He pulled her to his sitting self while pivoting her so her back was to him. His fingers rose above the hem of her jeans and Diana swallowed heavily, her breath coming quick and shallow.

He secured her there while his thumbs began massaging the small of her back, right between her back dimples. She just bent slightly forward at the waist, leaning onto the high handle in front of her, brow pulled into a concentrated frown as she focused on ignoring the goosebumps and chills, and on not tensing up her body.

The pressured prodding and the kneading motions had her almost rocking where she was standing, a satisfied sigh escaping her lips. He stopped almost immediately, pulling away like she was on fire.

“Oh my goodness, thank you,” she breathed once he stopped and she stepped away to face him. “Remind me to pay you back sometime, man.” Keep it cool. Casual. Completely unbothered.

“S’alright,” he said curtly, turning his head away from her. Diana frowned at the detached reaction, so very contradictory.

Silence fell between them and Diana walked with him as he rode the bike back to their people. She told him to be careful on the road and the only response was a nod, no eye contact. Something about his behavior made her belly grow cold with anxiety, which she tried to drown out with thoughts of a more important subject.

The kids were sitting on the front step of the RV, confined to continue riding in it, considering that they would be disposing of the pick-up.

Alice nodded at her approach and Felix’s head lifted from her shoulder. “Did you ask him?” They’d been the ones to suggest that she ask Daryl about going north. Not out of disrespect towards Rick or Shane but rather not to question their authority when the decision had already been made and agreed upon on all sides.

Diana nodded and glanced over her shoulder at the man in question, a slight groove growing between her brows at their parting situation. “Yeah, I did.”

“And? Damn binch, do I gotta beat it out of you?”

Diana raised her brows to signal for her to have patience. “He thinks it’d be a good idea if we weren’t so freaking dirt poor on resources right now. So that’s the death of that dream…”

“Even when you’ve lost it all, the world still enjoys reminding you there’s so much more you have left to lose,” Felix remarked, casually philosophical, gaining surprised looks from both his sisters. “It’s from a game.”

oOo

Sitting in a circle on the floor at the back of the RV, Diana, Felix, Alice, and Glenn were in the middle of a full-scale UNO scandal; Diana had won round after round after round, up to their current seventh play. Alice had accused her of cheating, of peeking while shuffling and dealing the cards, while Felix pettily took her side, finding it impossible for their sister’s luck to have turned so squarely when she had never won a game before.

Glenn defended her fiercely while Diana ducked behind him and made play after play of the best cards in the deck.

“Stop throwing +4s at my ass, Dee, I got children to feed!” Felix complained, holding his cards close to his chest and narrowed eyes on his fellow players as he retrieved four cards from the deck. “I swear…” he mumbled.

Alice fanned herself with her handful and raised a brow with pursed lips. “Life ain’t easy for us, bruh, if only I could pay _a renda da casa_ with these,” she continued the anecdote with a life-weary sigh.

“The what now?” Glenn asked, pausing in his turn to frown at the girl in confusion. Diana quietly mumbled ‘the rent’ from behind her double +2s. Glenn thanked her, then smirked. “In that case, let me help you out, old friend.”

Alice’s hazel eyes grew wide, then narrowed at him, her fanning coming to a stop. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, but I would if it was my only play.” His fingers trailed over the top of his cards until they pinched the one in the very middle and pulled it out dramatically slow.

John Boyega’s Finn on the remaining +4 card of the deck stared back at Alice, who waved her fist at it and hissed out, “My son, how could you betray me like this?”

In the meanwhile, Felix folded his cards and hit them against his forehead. “We gotta start playing something else, UNO’s gonna make me lose my fucking mind.” He put his cards in, clearly defeated and not feeling up for more. “I miss my PlayStation and Fortnite.”

“You and me both, man,” Glenn said with a shake of his head, throwing his cards in as well. The conversation deviated towards gaming, so Alice and Diana tuned out, being the casual gamers they were.

Diana collected the entire deck and pulled the elastic band over it before tucking it into her messenger bag. The entire time, Alice’s eyes were on her, brow furrowed.

“Something’s up. Spill,” she said upon her sister’s second sigh in the span of time it had taken her to complete the task. “ _It’s suspicious how quiet you’ve been._ You sigh one more time, I’mma rip your lungs out, don’t test me.”

She almost did it once again but stopped herself at her sister’s threatening pointed gaze and twitching hand. Instead, she rubbed her eyes with the tips of her fingers and down her face, pulling at her cheeks. “ _It’s too many damn things on my mind, don’t worry_ ,” she excused.

Her eyes found Shane’s shortly as he and Andrea conversed over the guns at the table. She assumed he wanted to move on from Lori and was scouting Andrea as a potential rebound. Immoral, really, all things considered, but she was only assuming.

Fingers with chipped glittery nail polish snapped in front of her face and Diana startled, pulling her gaze back to her sister’s annoyed one. “Binch, I’m talking to you,” she sighed in exasperation, “ _I’m over here, willing to listen to your problems, and you’re off ignoring me… The blatant disrespect, an outrage, never in my life have I been-_ ”

“ _I was thinking about Jacqui_ …” she admitted a half-truth. While the woman’s absence had been on her mind, it hadn’t been the most pressing subject.

She glanced at T-Dog sitting on the passenger’s seat, map and walkie-talkie in hand, and remembered his quiet grief.

Diana waited a few seconds and then leaned into her sister, whispering, “ _If I’d known she’d been planning on staying behind I might’ve… tried talking to her, I don’t know. All I thought about was getting you out of there, I didn’t even look back. I didn’t even notice Dale and Andrea weren’t with us until I saw them walk outta there._ ”

Alice lifted a stiff shoulder. “ _That was her own choice, Diana, you couldn’t take that away from her_.” Her eyes were both hard and soft, empathy for the lost woman in them. “ _You think the others didn’t try to persuade her? That_ he _didn’t?_ ” she asked, gesturing with her head at T. “ _You said it yourself, no other person should decide if someone lives or dies. You wanted to live. Jacqui decided to die_ ,” as an afterthought, she added, “ _That’s not your fault_. _Don’t martyrize yourself, it’s pointless and annoying._ ”

Diana nodded in return, grateful to her sister for talking her down, removing a seemingly unnecessary burden off her shoulders.

“Oh, jeez,” Dale called out from the front, raising everyone’s attention. The RV slowed to a stop and the engine of Daryl’s bike was heard approaching. They all stood and piled to the front, where they could see a mess of abandoned cars and trucks blocking much of the highway, some damaged and overturned in the aftermath of a massive scale chain-reaction traffic accident.

Daryl led the way, showing them where there was enough space for the RV to weave through.

It was disturbing to look at the outside world; Diana hadn’t seen such devastation since they first were made witnesses of this new world, on that highway about a month ago. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since then. Everything was darker now, though; there was something missing.

Trash was strewn about, cars’ paint jobs were faded from the elements and partially white with bird droppings. The smell of decay was heavy in the air, overwhelming all other odors. Paying close attention, you could see some of the dead still inside their vehicles, in some even entire families, like tombs in a graveyard.

Glenn startled and knocked back into Diana and Felix with the sudden clanking sound as the engine sputtered and hissed out, vapor blinding the windshield. “Can’t we get a fucking break?” Alice groaned.

They stepped out of the RV, the smoldering sunlight immediately blinding their sight and warming their skin. “I said it. Didn't I say it? A thousand times. Dead in the water,” Dale complained as the Grimes, the remaining Peletiers, and Daryl joined them. He rubbed his forehead in apprehension while looking the column of white smoke rising in the air.

Diana bent at the waist to peek inside an empty wagon, a lady’s purse on the floor of the passenger’s seat and the keys still in the ignition. If Dale’s problem was a malfunctioning part, they had come to the absolute right place, all those vehicles ripe for the taking.

Shane made the same point, which led Daryl to respond that there was a whole bunch of stuff they could find. T-Dog added that he could siphon fuel from the cars.

“Maybe some water,” Carol said, holding on to her daughter, who smacked her dry lips together.

“Or food,” Glenn added to the list, his hand fisting the fabric of his shirt covering his stomach.

Alice turned to her sister with a lopsided shrug, “Weapons?”

Diana returned the shrug with a nod of approval. They should keep whatever stuff they could find a use for, you never knew if you could come to need it. Develop hoarder instincts.

Lori crossed her arms and twisted her expression in the likes of someone who had just bit into a lemon. “This is a graveyard. I don’t know how I feel about this.”

There was a moment of contemplative silence, everyone’s eyes finding each other in a shared inner moral battle.

“We need it more than they ever will,” Diana responded, alleviating the heavy quiet.

“I agree,” Rick said, one sympathetic arm wrapping around his wife as he nodded at Diana.

“Think of it as a… a donation,” she told the woman, “for the continuation of humankind.”

Lori looked at her feet, then her son, who watched her expectantly. In the end, she gave a small nod.

“That’s a beautiful way of puttin’ it.” T-Dog rested a hand on Diana’s shoulder as he passed her. “I like it,” to the others he said, “Come on, y’all, gather what you can.”

oOo

There was no way Felix would be wandering all by himself through this hell-spawned place. It seriously creeped him out, the absence of human presence where it should have been, the abandonment that brought him back to the early days. Back to when mom and dad were still with them, when they first met the Dixons.

He’d kind of admired them their fearlessness, the way they’d mowed down those walkers like the character with the best stats in a video game. Up until that moment, he thought he’d be like Dead Island’s Sam B. if an apocalypse ever broke out and not like an expendable NPC.

Then his parents…

And the CDC being a bust. Everything added to this uncontrollable fear and he hated it.

So he stuck close to Alice, hand tight on the bat hanging at his side, swinging against his thigh with every timid step, as if afraid to awaken some slumbering boss. His head hung low and his posture was like that of his late 90-something-year-old great-grandpa who had worked the lands to his grave.

Alice looked over her shoulder at him, her eyebrows bunched together, and she shook her head at him. She was stronger, he would admit that, but her “courage” bordered on suicidal recklessness. He could tell by the way she had gutted her couch and pillow back at the CDC that something was wrong. He hadn’t asked because he knew her.

They paused at a black minivan and Alice opened the back door while Felix stood watch. He could see her rummage through the contents of a backpack from the corner of his eye. She poked his shoulder with a cereal bar, which he accepted, and unwrapped one for herself. The bar hung from between her teeth as she removed unnecessary items from within the backpack, zipped it close and swung it over her shoulder.

She gestured with her head for them to check the luggage space. They did while munching on the stale cereal bar. It was probably the most sugary and delicious thing Felix had eaten in weeks, an American brand he didn’t recognize but had to give due credit. They sorted through random articles of clothing and toiletries and after some time it felt like a quest from a game to him. Loot the vehicles but look out for enemies. It was ridiculous how much he loved video games that his brain automatically processed everything like that.

They moved to the next car and Felix looked over his shoulder; they were losing sight of the RV, they promised Diana they’d stay close. “We shouldn’t be out this far,” he whispered, tugging on his sister’s arm.

Alice jerked away and scoffed. “We’re not fucking babies. There’s no one around and if there was,” she gestured to her (dad’s) knife and his bat, “we’re armed.”

Felix’s heart sank into his stomach, making him gulp against his dry mouth. He wouldn’t put much faith in his zombie-slaying skills. “You’re batshit.”

“It’s alright, bro, I’ll look after your grown ass,” she whispered back, a teasing tone lilting her voice.

Eventually, they retraced their steps and scavenged where they still could see the RV and the others, but Felix couldn’t help but think back to the words his sister had almost engraved into the walls of her room. That grim promise.

He was scared for her; of the lengths she would go to try to keep it. He’d have to keep an eye on her and let Diana know.

He knew she was burdened, they all were, but he also knew neither she nor he would ever forgive themselves if something were to happen to their sister because she’d gotten loose rein to do as she pleased and got hurt in the process.

“This looks good,” Alice said, holding an olive green T-shirt up to his torso and then shoving it inside the backpack. “We’re keeping it.”

“Nothing really useful, though, no weapons, no real food,” Felix sighed. He startled and looked over his shoulder at a clang somewhere behind him, but relaxed slightly when he saw it was one of them.

“The bar was good, though,” Alice said, stretching to grab onto the latch of the trunk door.

Felix repeated with a satisfied nod, “The bar was good, though.”

As Alice was about to pull it closed, an arrow whistled between the both of them to impale the bedding of the trunk, startling both of them and causing her to let go. They recognized it even before it vanished, sharing a look of astonishment as to why their sister would shoot in their direction.

A weight dropped on Felix’s stomach, foreboding and malign. His pulse fluttered as he turned his eyes to where their sister had been on top of the RV, now lying down flat, waving her flashing golden bow to get their attention.

That’s when he saw it, the horde. Making their way past the RV, coming straight towards him and Alice.

Alice’s “holy fuck” rang in his ears. He felt the breath leave his lungs, the cold sweat and goosebumps that swept over his body and the heaviness in his legs that refused to budge.

oOo

Diana shielded her eyes from the harsh sunlight and sighed once she had Felix’s tall head in her sights again. She slumped forward, her butt too hot on the sun-beaten metal of the RV’s rooftop, and looked at Dale, who was, like her, watching over their people like shepherds over their flock. “It’s like he flipped a switch, ya know?” she resumed, “Think I did something wrong?”

Daryl’s sudden coldness had left her spiraling, intrusive thoughts telling her it was her fault left and right. With everything that had happened the night before, she thought things were bound to be a little awkward, but she never thought it would put such a big stone in their relationship. After all, they’d talked it out that morning and had left things on good terms. Maybe the threat on their lives had made something change, had given him some perspective and he’d finally waken up and realized he was waiting his time with her.

But then again, he had been acting normal until after the massage.

…

Maybe that had been the trigger.

He felt disgusted by her because of her blunders on that night, to the point that he no longer felt comfortable with physical contact with her. It seemed things hadn’t been left on good terms, after all, he just hadn’t told her the truth.

The reason why she was discussing this with Dale was simply that he was wise and was mostly supportive of hers and Daryl’s friendship. Of course, she hadn’t shed light on the most recent happenings, because that would’ve been one awkward talk to have with a man she saw as a grandfather figure.

She felt selfish to ask about such inconsequential things in light of everything that was going on, but conversing with Dale didn’t make her problems seem trivial at all. He always took her seriously and it felt nice.

“I can’t say since I’m thankfully not aware of everything that’s transpired between you two.” His smile was hidden by his beard in reaction to Diana’s side eye. “But I do know that communication is key in all lasting relationships. Talk to each other, find the problem, if there really is one, and solve it together.”

She decided to ignore all non-platonic connotations behind his sage advice and nodded deep in thought. What he said was nothing new to her; she advocated good communication 24/7, but it was so hard to take that approach when the subject was so awkward.

‘Wassuh Daryl, so… turns out I’m physically attracted to you on top of liking you as a friend, and I noticed you been kinda distant since I got drunk as fuck in the throes of mourning and fantasized about us getting freaky, care to comment on that?’

Yeah.

“Talking is hard, words are so difficult,” Diana whined, resting and squishing her cheeks on her fists as she slumped even more in her seat.

Dale gave a single chuckle and rested his hand on top of her head, giving it a gentle caress that had Diana closing her eyes and reminiscing, her _Avô_ in mind, and the by-now usual subsequent pieces that accompanied that train of thought. The numb ache in her chest threatened to cut the tethers to the guise of contentment that was her way of coping.

She shoved it all to the back of her mind, opening her eyes to find the two dark heads of hair of her brother and sister, focusing on them. She smiled softly seeing Alice hold a shirt to their baby brother’s chest.

The moment was interrupted when Dale caught Rick signaling at them to get down and gesturing in the general direction behind the RV.

Diana gasped, voice stolen, panic setting in. Her eyes flickered between the horde and her siblings, unknowing and vulnerable. She had to warn them.

oOo

Felix wouldn’t move, no matter how much Alice shout-whispered his name, his face frozen in stricken horror, body visibly shaking like it was the dead of winter.

Alice pulled on his arm and he stumbled, finally free. She crouched and took him with her, repeatedly hissing cusses under her breath as she watched the walkers through the gaps between vehicles. His hand was white-knuckled tight around hers as she quickly tried to think up a way to get him to safety.

Her breathing was ragged and her throat hurt from trying to breathe as shallow and quiet as possible. Felix’s shock kept him thankfully silent as she led him back the path they’d come, farther away from the RV, until they reached the black minivan from before.

She let go of his reluctant hand to open the back door enough for his slender frame to fit through. She widened the gap to climb in after him but startled when a bleeding T-Dog dashed past the front of the vehicle, dripping blood, a couple of walkers on his trail.

One of them stopped, a straw blonde wearing a sullied blue sundress with milky eyes to match and missing the skin of the entire lower half of its face, and its head rotated with sluggish clicks to look at her.

Time stopped in that second as it started towards Alice. The horde wasn’t far behind, just a couple of vehicles away, she could see and hear them in the background. Her eyes flickered between her brother’s begging gaze, her hand on the door, and the walker facing her.

Her pulse beat in her ears, her other hand found the handle of dad’s knife and unsheathed it. “Get low,” she whispered to Felix and pressed the door closed before backing away from the car.

She knew she’d only attract attention to their hiding spot if she’d rushed inside. She had to shake this one off, or kill it, before she could hide. But most importantly, she had to draw it away from her brother.

Alice’s hand trembled around the grip of the knife as she rounded the back of the car and saw the walker following her. Maybe it was fear, she couldn’t tell, but she felt mostly excited. This game of cat and mouse; she was the predator here, that thing just didn’t know it.

She led the walker quickly away from the approaching horde, knowing it’d mean her bittersweet end if they caught up, and the sound of its dragging feet on the asphalt, plowing through abandoned trash, was music to her ears. Alice was much quicker, she rounded the wagon while down in a crouch and got behind it before it could catch her scent.

A slash at the backs of its knees cut through the tendons of its right leg and the walker fell in a heap, twisting and turning to grab at her. Alice grabbed the car for leverage and kicked the walker’s head, the blonde hair becoming dark and sticky from where her boot had cracked the skull. With both hands, she buried the knife in its temple, feeling the cranium splinter and brain matter slosh and splatter when she pulled out the blade.

Alice stumbled back with the pull until her back hit the opposite car, breathing heavy and riding an adrenaline high. Something slammed against her back from the other side of the door, startling her, and she found herself staring at another walker inside the car.

The racket alerted some strays at the front of the horde, and they must’ve caught her smell since their noises of hunger grew louder as they weaved towards her.

“Shiiiit,” she hissed, and backed away in a crouch, eyes frantically examining her surroundings. They were too many and they’d seen her. Hiding would be futile, they’d just come after her. She needed to kill them before they killed her.

She used the knife to rip a strip of fabric from the walker’s sundress and wrapped it around the slick handle so it wouldn’t slide off her hands. Then she ran, still low on the ground, aware that going around them back to her group was next to impossible.

She saw a big-ass Hummer truck, much like their old rental and ran to it. Locked. Okay, good thing that wasn’t part of her plan. She looked over her shoulder and saw the first two walkers appear behind a wagon, spotting her.

As quick as a lightning strike, Alice climbed onto the hood of the truck on all fours and then up onto the roof. She crouched on top of it, not wanting to call too much attention by standing, but knowing they could grab her from the edges if she sat or knelt.

With a hand on the burning roof to help stabilize her, she waited for them to come to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sweet mother cliffhanger


End file.
